By Zephyria 
I woke up feeling refreshed and stretched out my body. If I had come here in this condition from the start, I wouldn’t have suffered so much. It was already the day to leave this place.
“It’s a shame.”
Michael was sound asleep, probably because he came in late last night. Saying it out loud made me regret the day I hadn’t enjoyed even more. I don’t know when I’ll be able to come to New York again, but it’s ending with just seeing Manhattan.
Yesterday seemed to have been completely erased from my life. Not even a memory remained. Only a faint memory of having a very gloomy and painful dream remained. But since I feel so refreshed now, the dream must have ended with a clean, happy ending.
‘Ah, I think there was an email I was supposed to reply to yesterday.’
I picked up my phone with 3% battery left and accessed my work email. As expected, the email that came yesterday morning remained unread. Sirius wouldn’t know that I was sick, so he was probably anxiously waiting for a reply.
Of course, there was no email from Yi-tae. It was really over. Yes, this was right. What kind of friend can we be when all that’s left is hatred? No matter how lonely I was, he was like a fast-aging diet. He was only harmful to my body.
I gathered my wandering thoughts and opened the email.
To my esteemed Winter.
Thank you for checking the issue even during your vacation. As you mentioned, I have modified the UI and placed the newly received ad banner at the top. Please refer to the picture and let me know if there are any other parts to be modified, and I will take care of them quickly. Thank you.
Sincerely, Sirius.
p.s. 1, I heard you were sick. Please don’t be sick and make sure to eat well and take your medicine. Health is the top priority. The person in charge will be changing after this project. Always be happy, and shake off anything bad. Whether it’s an illness or anything else. I hope your future will shine brightly.
p.s. 2. Meeting Winter was the luckiest thing in my life. I will continue to cherish what you have taught me and live well in New York. Thank you.
p.s. 3. If you ever need someone to confide in, feel free to send it to me anytime.
It was a very carefully written farewell notice.
Considering the emails he usually sends, I could tell how much effort he put into it. Sirius was also fond of me. It was a sudden realization. But unlike knowing the fact, my heart hesitated and fluttered.
Was this the best letter he could send? I should have met him yesterday if I had known this would happen. I would have gone to see him if I hadn’t been sick.
Twice, three times. I was rereading the short text when the screen turned black and the phone turned off. I need to reply to him quickly…
Actually, I knew. There was no need to reply to this email quickly. After all, I would only end up saying regretful things. It was better that it turned off.
With a deep sense of exhaustion, I lay back down on the bed. The sound of the mattress sinking echoed.
Pack my bags before checkout, wash off the sweat. Ah, it’s a hassle. I wanted to reread the letter slowly, but I didn’t want to maximize this unfamiliar, overflowing emotion. I was sure I would become depressed while looking at the postscripts.
Perhaps Sirius was the person I gave my heart to the most in a foreign country. I relied on him without knowing his face, age, or Korean name. Even though it was a Mirage-like relationship. We never even touched hands.
I replied to him promptly even when he was busy with work, and I confided trivial secrets in the postscripts below the work emails that didn’t even need to be sent. The postscripts were only about three lines long at most, but because we had been in contact for a long time, we were able to exchange a lot.
‘Even if he’s not the person in charge, we can still be friends.’
The source of my grumpy heart seemed to be Sirius’s firm ending. Perhaps this felt even more sorrowful because of the two farewells today.
One left only a sense of relief, and the other left only sadness, but why are the two farewells placed on the same line?
Did he have to act like we were completely breaking up like this? He could have given me his SNS account ID. Actually, he didn’t want to be involved with me that much. Then what are these three postscripts? I was precious to him, right?
“Shut up, Winter.”
I heard Michael’s voice mumbling in his sleep. I was sighing deeply without realizing it. I didn’t realize that the sound was frequent enough to wake him up, who was a heavy sleeper.
“Sorry.”
I replied dejectedly.
It was quiet all around, as if Michael had fallen asleep again. I barely kept my swaying mind in the center and got up. Cars and people busily passing by were reflected outside the window. I thought I could faintly hear the sound of honking, as if the road was congested.
I looked down at the scene for a long time. It doesn’t change anything by looking. The moment the blocked section opened and the cars slowly moved, I turned my head. I just had to keep moving forward. Whatever it is.
It was a simple luggage, but that didn’t mean there was nothing to pack. I plugged the phone into the charger and moved diligently. The three plastic containers in the canvas bag were still standing next to the carrier. It was because I hadn’t thought about how to put them in.
The bag was very sturdy and smelled good, but I was planning to leave it here. The character drawn on it was more to my taste than I thought, so it was a bit difficult, but I didn’t feel like changing my decision.
I took off my sweaty and sticky clothes. When I came out of the shower, Michael was also moving with messy hair, as if he had just woken up.
“I went to the headquarters of the collaboration company yesterday for a while.”
Michael casually threw out.
“Why?”
I asked, taking out unnecessary luggage and putting the precious containers in its place. Michael was in the same team, but there was almost no direct contact, so there would be no point of contact. Regret came.
If it weren’t for Kwon Yi-tae…
I poured out my unreasonable anger on a causeless target. If he hadn’t provoked me, I wouldn’t have been so sick. If that had been the case, I could have met Sirius and not lost him.
Packing was easy. My head was still complicated, but everything was perfectly in place. As if that was fate. Everything went smoothly.
Actually, I knew. Even if it wasn’t Yi-tae, Sirius, who I met face-to-face, would have given up on the relationship with me. With a perfect greeting. Without giving me a chance to intervene.
“Michelle asked me something related to the new project. It’s a shame I couldn’t see the person in charge this time because he’s on vacation. He’s famous for being a handsome Asian man. Just like our Winter!”
It sounded like the cheerful chirping of a lark.
‘I wouldn’t have seen him even if I went yesterday.’
A hollow laugh burst out. I felt relieved when I realized that even the parallel world I had hoped for could not be achieved.
I zipped up the bag and stood the carrier up in the corner. Now all the preparations were over. When I made the plan, it seemed like it would be tight, but I did everything and still had an hour left until checkout.
I turned on the phone that was turned off again. I left Sirius with only the cliché of saying that I was sorry and that I would like to see him again if I had the chance next time. Somehow, I felt uncomfortable taking out my sincerity. I didn’t know why.
I left another email and got up from my seat.
‘Goodbye.’
I left a greeting to someone as I left the room with traces of me. I vowed that even if I came to New York again, I would never come to Manhattan.
The way back in the Uber was deserted, unlike the day I came. There was no traffic jam like in the morning, and there was no collision accident where people were fighting each other. There was only peace and quiet.
Exciting rock music came on the radio. Heavy metal that seemed to destroy everything was swaying in time with the rhythm, and the driver was endlessly giving a long speech about the current president as if he was rapping.
Even in the deafening noise, my heart was as if it was disconnected from the world, floating on the water.
The reason why I pretended to be okay was because I wasn’t okay. But now there was no need to do that. Only the wind blew bleakly through my empty heart. I forgot love. I lost it. I let go of people. I missed them. Countless words passed by.
New York with the lights off was not beautiful. But that’s how it suited this city. Busy people, cold and ruthless relationships, passionate musicals…
Love is over, and friendship is over.
“It was fun, Michael.”
“I’m glad. It would have been more fun if you weren’t sick.”
“It’s a shame I didn’t spend a lot of time with you.”
I exchanged such embarrassing words as I boarded the plane. The luxury goods packed in his bag represented Michael’s satisfying trip.
Me too… When I think about it, it seems like it was really fun. I could see it when I put everything down and looked at it from afar. I had an amazing trip. Meeting Yi-tae, being with Michael.
I put on my earphones and closed my eyes. I faintly heard the comment that I should have a comfortable trip. I fell asleep thinking about the reservation email that would have arrived by now.
To Yi-tae.
Don’t have a good life. Suffer for the rest of your life. I hope you step on Legos barefoot in the living room, have water poured on your head while walking down the street, and go to the bathroom only to find that you’re out of toilet paper. Sincerely. Don’t be happy. Don’t date, and definitely don’t get married. I’ll allow you to have a new love when you’re about 68 years old, after you’ve pondered over my life that you ruined.
P.S. I’m deleting this account, so don’t contact me.
If we happen to see each other again by chance, I’ll forgive you then. Until then, I’ll hate you as much as possible. As I please. When I think of you from time to time, I’ll resent you and curse you. If anything bad happens to you, know that it’s because of me. Please don’t live well. Goodbye.
Your old friend, Gyeoul.