By Zephyria 
Michael might have misunderstood that I was excited. How could he not, with the corners of my lips soaring so high? I rubbed my cheeks, smoothing out my expression. I barely managed to erase the joyful look.
He stared into my eyes for a long time, as if trying to gauge my intentions, then tossed out a casual remark as if it were nothing.
“Were you dreaming of the Statue of Liberty? You seem thrilled. Is that your type?”
As if it were none of his business, he leaned back. The wet hair that had been leaning forward instantly moved away. In truth, if I said I had coincidentally met a friend yesterday and was planning to meet them again today, he would readily accept it, but for some reason, I didn’t want to tell him this fact.
I’d rather become a guy who likes the Statue of Liberty. Although that was just as terrible.
I went to the mirror and smoothed my hair. I should have dried my hair completely last night before sleeping. The floating hair wouldn’t calm down with just a few strokes. The same went for my face, swollen from the hangover. It wasn’t that I wanted to look good to Yi-tae, but that I had to be better than him.
Michael, watching me fuss, subtly asked.
“Is Ian supposed to come?”
“Is he? I didn’t hear anything about that.”
This wouldn’t do. I had to go to the bathroom, splash cold water on my face, and wet my hair to calm it down.
I grabbed an extra towel. I could feel Michael’s persistent gaze behind my busy back, but it wasn’t something I needed to pay attention to.
Less than an hour remained until my meeting with Yi-tae.
∗ ∗ ∗
As soon as we met, he bluntly handed me the red scarf he was holding. Since he couldn’t wrap it around me as affectionately as before, I readily accepted it and wrapped it around my neck. He, on the other hand, silently stood by my side in a sparse outfit.
Wasn’t he cold?
Unlike yesterday, when I was swept up in emotions, today was very peaceful. The traces of the splendid night had disappeared, and the vibrant morning streets felt different.
I stopped by a cafe Yi-tae recommended, bought coffee and a sandwich, and entered nearby Bryant Park.
“This place is good. Do you come here often?”
“I thought it would suit your taste.”
Yi-tae, whose dark circles under his eyes had deepened overnight, replied while drinking a warm Americano.
Perhaps because it was a weekday, there were many families in the park. A little girl wearing a thick coat and hopping on two feet passed in front of us. Behind her, a man wearing a hat waddled after her. The harmonious scene brought a warm smile to my face.
Out of courtesy, I offered him a piece of the sandwich, but Yi-tae shook his head, looking only at the ground. He had always only had coffee in the morning anyway.
He had been like this since earlier. Looking at the ground or staring straight ahead. He didn’t look at me much. That sight suddenly scratched at a corner of my heart.
“Are you busy? Did you force yourself to come out?”
“No. An important project is over, so I’m fine for the time being.”
I threw out the topic I wanted to ask about, pretending it was nothing. I wanted to ask him in detail where he was and what he was doing, but it was clear that we weren’t that close. So I had to use these shallow tricks to satisfy my curiosity.
“Is the company you’re working at now in Manhattan?”
“……Yeah.”
I almost asked when he came, but I shut my mouth. I was the only one asking questions again. Kwon Yi-tae wasn’t curious about me at all. I still didn’t know what kind of relationship I wanted to have with him, but that didn’t mean I wanted this meaningless relationship.
I put the sandwich down next to me and nudged his shoulder, which was sitting far away. I didn’t like the way he was holding the cup with both hands as if it were a lifeline protecting him.
He blinked his eyes pathetically, glanced at me, and then lowered his head.
“Are you shy around strangers?”
It was a ridiculous thing to say, but there was no other way to explain it. And it was truly absurd. We used to be lovers, but now he’s shy?
Ha. A short laugh burst out. There was no way that was true. Even after saying it myself, I laughed at the absurd speculation. It was more plausible that he was literally hiding his face rather than being awkward. I had put quite a bit of effort into dressing up today.
“There’s no way.”
He smiled faintly and shook his head. But he was still looking at the ground.
“Yi-tae. When you talk to people, you look them in the eye.”
A wicked thought suddenly came to mind. If he only looked down, I would have to go there. I got up from the bench, squatted in front of him, looked up, and said.
Kwon Yi-tae’s solid expression crumbled. He stared blankly at me with his mouth slightly open. His eyes were shaking so violently that even I felt dizzy watching him. The me that exists within them must be experiencing an earthquake.
“If you’re not shy, you should look at me properly. I didn’t drag you out here against your will.”
This was spiteful. I was testing whether he still liked me. If he acted as if all the time we had dated had never happened, it meant that he was Kwon Yi-tae who had a crush on me. Whether it was true or not, there was only one way to move forward.
How could we date again? I don’t love you.
“……Sorry.”
He had no explanation or excuse. It was pointless to speculate like this. Yi-tae eventually closed his eyes. His trembling eyelashes were very long. Handsome bastard.
The joke was over. I wrapped the scarf that had been dragging on the ground around my neck again and got up. I sat casually on the bench and put the remaining sandwich in my mouth.
As long as he and I continued to meet, the anger that had been crouching down, lost and confused, would erupt from time to time. Enduring it was Yi-tae’s responsibility. If it was too hard, he could just leave.
“How long have you been here?”
I asked as if nothing had happened. He, too, opened his eyes as if nothing had happened and turned his head towards me. His gaze was limited to the sandwich, but this was a great improvement. It wasn’t bad that he was listening obediently.
“Not long. About a month.”
“Aren’t you curious?”
“…….”
“It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other.”
Silence was his weapon when he was at a disadvantage.
He carefully took the trash from my hand and ran away to the trash can, leaving me alone. Was he thinking that we would be together all day anyway, so he only needed to avoid me now? I laughed alone for a moment at that sight.
After a short break, I took the subway and got off at Wall Street Station.
Along the way, people playing guitars and breakdancing teams somersaulted through the seats. Then, a homeless man lying on the seats would point and shout at them.
It was chaotic, but quite interesting. I occasionally clapped and cheered at the impromptu performances. It was a little different from the New York I had vaguely imagined. But Yi-tae, who was firmly guarding my side with a blank expression in that atmosphere, was the funniest.
If a stranger approached, he would first shield me with his body. It seemed like he was doing it unconsciously rather than out of consideration. That, too, must be a habit ingrained in his body.
“There’s a delicious Korean restaurant nearby.”
“We came all the way to Manhattan, though?”
“……I thought you might miss it. There are other places if you don’t like it.”
Yi-tae hastily added, reacting to my lukewarm response. He seemed so sure that I would want to eat Korean food, but he threw even that away with just one word from me.
As I walked, I arrived at a place crowded with people. There was a bronze statue of a bull about to charge. The illusion occurred that the color of its buttocks had faded to a pale golden color. The two huge balls displayed their majesty even from afar. There was a rumor that touching them would make you rich.
The line was so long that we would have to wait at least 30 minutes. Even if today’s plan was very relaxed, Yi-tae didn’t like waiting in places like this.
It was a shame, but……. I couldn’t take my eyes off the smooth buttocks and balls. Could it be that the reason such a grotesque statue survived was because it was really effective? I hesitated and started to move again, but Yi-tae carefully grabbed my wrist.
“I’ll take a picture for you.”
“You hate this kind of thing.”
As soon as I said it, I realized that I was thinking of Kwon Yi-tae first again. I should just do it if I want to. He had no right to stop me.
A lukewarm warmth lingered on my wrist. He didn’t seem to want to let go. Or it seemed like he didn’t even know he was holding it.
Just then, the very end of the line was right next to us. Waiting might not take as long as I thought. So I was greedy.
Yi-tae said softly.
“It’s your trip, so you don’t have to adjust to me. That’s why I came.”
“Then get in line. I want to be rich.”
I didn’t bother to shake off the wrist he was holding as I went to the back of the line. The time when this kind of contact was burdensome had passed. The area was gradually getting warmer, but it wasn’t bad in the cold weather.
“Anything for you.”
Yi-tae’s mouth opened wide. He smiled more brightly than the snow that hadn’t melted under the clear sky. It was the first time I had seen him smile in a long time.