By Zephyria 
It was a truly absurd topic. I blinked in bewilderment as the word I never expected to hear from Hyeon-seong’s mouth popped out.
〈…….〉
〈I know you don’t. Don’t look at me like that. I’m just asking in case.〉
〈Why all of a sudden?〉
He sighed deeply. He roughly swept back his disheveled hair. It seemed he was having trouble speaking easily, thinking of me. Instead of pressing him, I simply looked at him quietly.
The silence stretched on. There was nothing I could do for him in his torment. To say he didn’t have to tell me would be wrong; he must have something he needed to bear, so he was trying to tell me. Otherwise, Hyeon-seong would have nonchalantly brushed it off.
The overhead lights felt like the desert sun. There was nowhere to escape, and I was exposed to the scorching heat, slowly being roasted.
I couldn’t sort out my complicated feelings at all. It had been like that since his birth mother’s name came out of his mouth.
〈……I didn’t want to say it, but it’s more awkward not to. Did you know your aunt is a gambling addict and has even taken out illegal private loans?〉
〈That’s the first I’m hearing of it. Do you think I’d faint from news like that?〉
I replied, trying to sound calm. In fact, it was shocking news. If it was an illegal private loan taken out by my legal parent, things were very different.
Of course, it was an amount my father could resolve, but he wouldn’t. The rift between them was that deep.
〈She must have been desperate this time, so she went to your father. He said she showed up looking like a crazy woman he couldn’t even recognize, according to my dad. I figured you wouldn’t know since you don’t contact your father much either.〉
〈Yeah.〉
My relationship with my father wasn’t as unilaterally broken as his relationship with his birth mother, but we were still awkward.
One day, he said that seeing me reminded him of his birth mother and it was hard for him. Likewise, seeing my father reminded me of the nightmarish atmosphere of the house back then, so I didn’t bother to visit him. That’s how we naturally drifted apart.
That’s what a completely broken family was like. Even before such an important matter, the option of contacting me simply didn’t exist. Even if there was a risk of loan sharks coming to me. Even though I was the person involved.
I swallowed hard. My throat was still dry. I could feel my skin tightening.
〈So your father looked into it a bit, and it seems she’s receiving living expenses from someone else. Just enough for one meal a day. He confirmed that it’s been deposited until recently.〉
I felt like I was riding on a surging wave. The intention behind Hyeon-seong’s words was clear. It wasn’t like a distant mountain range obscured by fog, but like reading a 20pt font sentence right in front of my eyes.
I held my breath for a moment and then exhaled. It wasn’t that big of a deal. It was just that it wasn’t a pleasant feeling to have the circumstances I had suspected turn out to be true. Moreover, the matter that had been confirmed by the person involved was judged to be false.
〈……Is that Kwon Yi-tae?〉
〈Yeah. It would have been better if I had known sooner, but I just found out.〉
〈That crazy pushover.〉
He was a complete idiot. I could somehow sugarcoat what he had given me while we were dating. Because he loved me so much. Because he didn’t want me to know any news. To protect me. I could force myself to understand.
But the fact that he was still doing that even after we broke up was incomprehensible no matter how I thought about it.
Why? Between people who were completely over.
……Wasn’t I trustworthy enough? Did he think I couldn’t handle even that much? Did he really think I wouldn’t be able to overcome it?
The scar I belatedly noticed throbbed. For some reason, I felt hurt. It felt like I had been hit hard on the back of the head.
Was that what I was to Kwon Yi-tae? I hadn’t even clearly defined what I was to him, yet I was already hurt. I felt ridiculous.
〈So what are you going to do now?〉
What am I going to do? I’ll squeeze out everything I can through blackmail and then cut ties.
When did she ever think of me as the child she killed, and now she’s acting like this? It’s too inconsistent. It’s not like she’s telling me to do the most troublesome thing at a funeral. I’m already dead, so is she telling me to open the coffin and resurrect?
Sarcastic words swirled in my mouth. I was glad I inherited my personality from my father. If I couldn’t even be sarcastic, I would have lived as her puppet, somehow extorting money from my father and giving it to her, begging for a single grain of love that she wouldn’t even give.
“Why aren’t you my child? I suffered through labor, I gave up my youth, I fed you, clothed you, put you to sleep, and raised you. How can you utter such nonsense from your own mouth!”
“How far should I go? Should I start with the oldest thing? They’re all things you told me.”
“…….”
“You went to the hospital to abort an almost fully grown baby, but you stopped when you found out the father was rich? Or the time you took out a life insurance policy in my name and tried to testify that the baby lost its footing and fell from the balcony, but the housekeeper found out and you failed?”
“…….”
“You even performed rituals for me to die. You went to a famous shaman to get a talisman so I would die early.”
“So, are you dead? I invested to the best of my ability. I sent you to academies. I only dressed you in good clothes!”
Was she distorting her memories because it was a long time ago?
She was still confident. No, she seemed to be trying to appear that way. Surely there was some conscience left somewhere. That must be why she was avoiding my gaze.
I was glad there were no familiar faces in the cafe. It was embarrassing to be seen anywhere.
“And my father paid for all the investment costs?”
“Of course, since you’re that bastard’s blood! I hated it. I hated it! It disgusted me and gave me the creeps that something like you grew while ruining my body. Sacrificing myself for something like you……”
“This isn’t the end, is it? Should I talk about the more important incident?”
There was a night that Kwon Yi-tae didn’t know about, that even my father didn’t know about. A day when it wasn’t snow but heavy rain that fell in the winter. The day when the world was very dark, and I faced a woman with swollen eyes alone in the house. Even breathing was a luxury, and the memory of that deleted night was revived.
The woman and I seemed to be recalling the same point in time. Her face turned completely blue. The image from that time still remained in a video. By chance. Of course, she didn’t know that fact. Because I didn’t tell her.
Silence flowed. Now it was my birth mother’s turn to speak. I had no intention of stepping down from my advantageous position.
From the moment I brought up that incident, it was impossible to stop. Like a runaway train with broken brakes. It could only stop its operation by crashing into something and overturning.
Actually, you know, don’t you? That your conscience is too dead to tell me to pay for the cost of raising me.
She suddenly became calm. As quiet and neat as if nothing had happened. Like the day she hugged me affectionately.
“Let’s stop. Anyway, you grew up well, received a quality education, and are still enjoying the benefits. Isn’t that enough? I wish I hadn’t seen you! Now that I’ve faced you, I have to get the value back from you.”
“Did you feed your conscience to the fish living in the River Hades?”
“My youth that flowed away while raising you, my body ruined by pregnancy! It’s your responsibility. Compensate me. You went to Korea University, so you know what I’m talking about, right?”
My father had already paid that money, not me. An apartment in Seoul should be enough, shouldn’t it? She received an excessive price for someone who was caught having sex with a strange man in her house.
“How can someone who died to you pay the price? I died back then. Don’t you remember? Should I tell you kindly?”
For some reason, I laughed. Yes, this was what was going to happen in the end. As long as there was a witness, it couldn’t be a secret. And that witness was still alive and breathing vividly in front of her.
It was the last night. I went to pack my things, and the house was empty. It was natural since I had contacted the housekeeper to confirm and went. I leisurely packed my things after receiving the answer that she would be late.
I left my phone in a corner of the room to show Kwon Yi-tae and took pictures of the room I had lived in. Because I would never be able to show it again. My favorite stuffed animal, scribbles from when I was young, pen marks on the wallpaper recording my height.
While I was spending time reminiscing, the door suddenly opened, and my birth mother came in. Her staggering gait didn’t seem normal. She was heavily drunk and reeking of cigarette smoke.
I should have closed the door if I had known this would happen. I was going to quickly move my things, but I couldn’t avoid it and ended up facing her head-on.
〈Yooou…… why, are youu here!〉
She threw her precious handbag on the floor and rushed at me in a precarious manner. Back then, the emotional rift was much deeper than it is now, and her mere presence could upset me.
〈I’m packing my things to leave. I didn’t come because I wanted to see you either.〉
〈You, what are you! What are you so confident about! Give it all, give it all…… give it all back! It’s mine!〉
She stumbled, as if her foot had caught on the threshold. Her brain, ruined to the point where she couldn’t think normally, seemed to be mistaken that even that was my fault. Her face turned even redder. It was stained with anger and contempt.
〈You. You, you said it. It was you. It was you? It was you!〉
Something must have happened that I didn’t know about. For example, my father found out about her affair. So was that why she was looking at me with such a resentful face?
Suddenly, the woman who was coming towards me turned her body and headed elsewhere. As if nothing had happened. There was no way the imminent anger had subsided. But it was impossible to understand a drunk person. Because it was an accident waiting to happen.
At that moment, she turned around. Her sharply shining eyes were full of conviction. The moment I felt a clear murderous intent, I discovered the knife in her hand.