By Zephyria 
Kwon Yi-tae seemed to realize my intention only now.
I didn’t tell you to ask for forgiveness and try to go back. Of course, I couldn’t understand anything Yi-tae said, but I understood that there must have been some circumstances between Assistant Manager Woo and him, just that much.
If that’s what you wanted to say, I could listen as much as you wanted. You could tell me everything. Even if it took some time. So, if you finished saying everything you wanted to say and then passed the turn to me. If you accepted our breakup, that was enough.
Falling apart or getting back up, it was all your responsibility now. Not mine.
It seemed like it was time to end the call. When I turned around, Hyeon-seong was waiting for me. Silently. He seemed worried in his own way.
Indeed, talking on the phone wasn’t a good choice. Too much breath came over, and too many emotions were conveyed. I should have sent a text message instead. Unwanted emotions poured out. It felt dirty, like I had filth all over my body. I felt disgusted. I wanted to wash it off right away.
Even if I washed, the smell would remain.
“So, please acknowledge that we’ve broken up now. I’m asking you. Don’t deny it anymore. No matter how much you try to make me understand, I don’t feel like dating you again.”
…….
As if his movement had stopped, the other side was silent.
“And I’ve already found a place to live. Sorry if I worried you. If I had come out recklessly, I wouldn’t have had anywhere to go. Of course, that worry is too much. We’re not together anymore. We don’t even need to know each other’s whereabouts.”
…….
“Let’s coordinate the contract details via text. Let’s also decide on a date to meet via text since we need to get it notarized. I’ll hang up. Hyeon-seong is waiting.”
……What, what should I do…….
“You don’t have to do anything, Yi-tae. ……Still, I liked you a lot. Thank you for being with me during my unhappy youth. I think I was happy thanks to you. Well, goodbye.”
I hung up without listening to Kwon Yi-tae’s reply.
My chest swelled up and then sank down. I felt refreshed, as if I had gotten rid of everything.
‘Ah…… I couldn’t set a date again.’
Hyeon-seong would scold me properly. I could tell just by looking at his expression now. Full of worry for me. Well, I guess so. Hyeon-seong knew as much as I did.
Suddenly, from far away, I faintly heard the voice of my birth mother, screaming her head off. I was the most unhappy when I was with Kwon Yi-tae, but I was just as happy. Unhappiness and happiness always went hand in hand. It was a difference of a hair’s breadth.
I suddenly felt a chill. Being sentimental with the veranda door open in this cold. It would look like I was the heartbroken protagonist of a tragic love story. ……No, that’s right. I am the protagonist of a tragic love story. I closed the window. The tip of my nose felt numb. It felt like my nose would run because I had stayed in a cold place for too long.
Before I could open the middle door, Hyeon-seong came and opened it. He was holding plenty of tissues in his hand.
“You look like you’re about to cry.”
“As expected, our Jju-kku, I should have given birth to you a little less perfectly. People can’t approach you because they’re intimidated. They think you’re light.”
“Stop talking nonsense. I know you’re picking on me for being ugly.”
“That was when I was six years old. I’m pretty handsome now. It’s a waste of a nickname I made up with such effort.”
I took the tissue and blew my nose hard. Was it because I blew it too hard? Even my eyes stung. It felt like tears were dangling. I shouldn’t wipe my eyes with this, right? I neatly folded the snot-covered tissue and threw it into the trash can. It was a score. I was born with good athletic skills.
“Can I play some music?”
“When did you ever ask for permission before acting? ……Could it be that he even gaslighted you? That crazy bastard…….”
“I’m not the pitiful protagonist of a drama. Think again.”
“……Ah. Right. You’re not the type to be taken advantage of.”
Hyeon-seong, who had been angry, calmed down. Instead, he tore off more tissue and handed it to me. There wasn’t really anything to wipe. As I stared at him with a bewildered look, he snatched it away and rubbed my cheeks roughly. It was such a rough touch that it stung. Did he have a grudge against me?
“Do you think your cheeks will wear out if you do that? You have to rub harder for them to wear out.”
“Shut up. You’re getting snot all over me. You’re such a baby.”
There’s no way snot got on my cheeks, right? Did my snot have a mind of its own? I blinked awkwardly. Even if it was on there, he could have just told me to wipe it off myself. It must be dirty. I was deeply moved by his friendship. Hyeon-seong carefully examined my face and then threw away the tissue.
Since I had permission, I played a very exciting song with booming sound. Of course, since it was an officetel and the soundproofing wasn’t good, I timidly lowered the volume by one more notch. I should play this kind of thing so loud that my eardrums burst. So loud that it vibrates so violently that my heart hurts. Then I wouldn’t be able to hear my heartbeat well, which was good.
“How can your taste in music be so consistent? Isn’t this the song where crazy people are doing a resurrection ritual of madness in a funeral home in the music video?”
“Don’t say it like that, it sounds like a really weird song. The song is good. And that desperate struggle too…….”
“Shut up.”
I had heard these similar words from someone before. At that time, I explained the meaning of this masterpiece one by one and made them understand. You don’t know rock, you’re so pathetic. The corners of my mouth drooped subtly. I lost my appetite. I even ordered expensive snacks.
I trudged back to the table and sat down again. The advantage was that the moving distance was short because the square footage was much smaller than the apartment. It was also perfect for cleaning. Kwon Yi-tae used to do all the cleaning……. As soon as I thought of him, I poured soju into my glass.
“……I’m going to sleep over tonight, so drink slowly. The night is long.”
“Why? You said you didn’t like a pushover’s house.”
“What can I do? The pushover is my friend. If you pour your own drink, you’ll get unlucky. You’re already unlucky as it is.”
Even though he spoke crookedly, he was a very warm-hearted friend. That’s why I became friends with him. I always made connections with good people. But I still didn’t like being unlucky. I subtly exchanged my empty glass with Hyeon-seong’s. This should do it.
I met Hyeon-seong’s eyes. I could feel it without him saying anything. This bastard is doing it again……, a pathetic look.
“Friends are supposed to exchange drinks.”
I added, feeling preemptively guilty. Hyeon-seong finally laughed. It was amazing how his fierce face looked gentle when he smiled. Was it because his sharp eyes were folded? I stared at him for a long time and then I laughed too.
I tried to ignore the curse that followed me like a hallucination. Screaming and resenting and wailing. The night he despaired of why I was born and swung a knife at me, why did that time come to mind? I thought I had forgotten everything. Was it because I heard the word parents?
I had a strong feeling that I would definitely have a nightmare about that day tonight.
“You seemed to have nightmares in the early morning. Do you still have them these days?”
“No way. It was just unusually fierce for the first time in a while. My head still hurts.”
“That’s because of the alcohol.”
Hyeon-seong was scooping bean sprout soup into a bowl, which he had apparently made again early in the morning. He was a very diligent friend, which I liked.
I frowned and rubbed my temples with my palms. The world was buzzing and I felt dizzy. My stomach was churning as if I were on a sailboat. Wearing a white short-sleeved t-shirt made me feel like it was too bright. Was that why I was getting seasick?
I pressed my face against the neatly cleaned table. The coldness seemed to calm my stomach a little. I couldn’t remember how much I drank yesterday or how I crawled into bed.
I got a little depressed and drank whatever I could get my hands on, and this is what happened. The cold table, which was made of a different material than the hot floor, seemed to cool the heat on my cheeks.
“Jju-kku…… if I die, please dance enthusiastically at my funeral. Like in the music video I saw yesterday. Then I might be resurrected.”
“Stop talking nonsense and eat.”
Hyeon-seong ignored me and set the table. The savory smell stimulated my nose and my appetite quickly returned.
I slowly got up and grabbed a spoon. Hyeon-seong was a much better cook than he looked. Was it because he had been living on his own longer than me? It would be good to learn some from him on this occasion.
My mouth watered on its own. Hyeon-seong sat down heavily in the chair in front of me and stared at me.
“With that level of trauma, wouldn’t it be better to get hospital treatment?”
“It’s not like that these days. I heard that she was scammed and lives in a gambling den after divorcing that person’s father……. I haven’t met her since then. I’m not hurt either. I just talked about that topic yesterday, so it must have remained in my subconscious.”
“Has she contacted you separately since then? She’s the type of person who would demand the money she spent raising you, no matter how you look at it.”
“Even if she wanted to contact me, she couldn’t. She doesn’t know my number, she doesn’t know my home address. The connection has been completely cut off, how is she going to find me?”
Even if I brought up my mom’s story like before, it wasn’t difficult at all. It was even fun. Stories about fallen people are interesting.
I scooped a spoonful of rice and put it in my mouth. The crunchy texture and the sweetness that came up as I chewed were fantastic. Putting half of the rolled omelet and the octopus marinated in sesame oil in my mouth made this place heaven. Should I marry him?
The time to be tormented by such past memories was over. Only those in their 20s, who had not yet fully matured, were bound by such things.
They were already past events and there was not a speck of their traces in my life. It had already been 7 years. If the aftereffects still remained, that would be more of a problem.
“Hyeon-seong.”
“You’re going to say something weird again, aren’t you.”
“Shall we get married? I can’t forget your cooking.”
I subtly threw a joke.