TLT 28

It was a subtle answer, neither a ‘no’ nor a ‘I don’t like you.’ It seemed to be because it was Young-geol’s one-sided assertion… If I had to choose between positive and negative, the latter was correct, but it wasn’t entirely bad either. It was a confusing issue.

But what was puzzling was why he had wailed so much. If he saw even a sliver of possibility in a situation he thought had no chance at all, shouldn’t he be happy?

“What’s the problem with that?”

“…Pardon?”

“He didn’t say he completely disliked you, did he?”

“…Uh, uh?”

“But why are you crying so much? It seems like your friend wasn’t gay either, so he might be confused. Can’t you wait?”

Young-geol’s eyes widened, as if he hadn’t thought of it that way. With the biased information I had, that was all I could say.

If Gyeoul had said that to me, I would have waited happily, very happily. Just like Gyeoul suddenly visiting me. My heart felt like it would burst at his flushed face and his words asking me to wait just a little longer.

“That’s, like, that…”

“It could be an opportunity for Assistant Manager Woo to recognize you as a potential romantic partner.”

Of course, it could also be an opportunity to run away completely.

Seeing him so lovelorn made Young-geol feel young again. He was like… a sister my age. He was still at an age where he didn’t know anything. I eased the tension I had been feeling. At that age, love was the most important thing. I was like that, and Gyeoul was… probably like that too.

It seemed like the conversation was mostly over, so I rummaged through my phone. There was no reply from Gyeoul. He was probably sulking and had turned the boiler up really high and was lying in bed. I’d let him suffer a little. Thinking about that made a faint smile appear on my face.

“Head of section… you look good when you smile?”

“Are you trying to pick a fight?”

Young-geol blinked. It seemed like it was a good time to get up. Young-geol drank his alcohol in quick succession and then stared at me intently. Dealing with drunks was the last thing I wanted. The only one who was cute when he drank was Gyeoul.

“Let’s get up now. It seems like your worries are mostly resolved. Make sure you come to work tomorrow.”

“…Pardon?”

“I have someone waiting for me at home.”

“…”

“If you want to drink more, drink and go. I’m leaving.”

I got up, leaving Young-geol looking bewildered. Since it was unrequited love, I was curious about the ending, but I had a strong feeling that he would be looking for me soon. I took a business card, paid the bill, and left.

So I didn’t know what happened to Young-geol after that.

∗ ∗ ∗

Time passed, and Young-geol eventually found me again.

That day, I wasn’t in a bad mood because the Head of department hadn’t called me. At Young-geol’s request, we had dinner together again and I listened to the story about ‘Yeo Ho-joon.’

As I expected, things didn’t seem to be going so badly. Young-geol seemed quite happy. The story of young love reminded me of my own relationship with Gyeoul, and the corners of my mouth drooped. Young-geol stopped talking and stared at me quietly.

The silence was unsettling for no reason, so I quickly ended the meeting.

Young-geol continued to seek advice about Ho-joon.

We had dinner, and sometimes he texted me for my opinion. But the romance that I thought was going smoothly became increasingly strange. I couldn’t tell if Ho-joon was a strange lover or if Young-geol was misinterpreting things.

Young-geol’s unrequited love became more and more desperate. He asked me for my opinion all the time. The youthfulness was nice to see, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.

“Head of section. I think I’m really going to confess properly.”

I think you’ll get rejected.

According to Young-geol, Ho-joon sometimes slept with Young-geol, and sometimes he didn’t hesitate to swear at him. He said that he had slept with him after drinking and getting drunk, and that they had been living like sex partners ever since.

There were days when he showed honey-dripping affection, and there were times when he cried, saying that he felt like his heart was being torn apart because he acted like he hated him.

No matter how I looked at it, it wasn’t a textbook dating phase. Rather, it was very twisted… and a little bizarre.

“Does he really like you?”

“……Yes.”

Oh, wasn’t that answer a little late?

I stared at Young-geol without any expression. He blushed and showed a shy expression. Was he hesitant to answer because he was embarrassed that he liked him?

I consciously pushed away the thoughts that came to mind and avoided the strange feeling. Neither was good.

Well, if he likes it…

I didn’t want to interfere in other people’s lives. This was our line. There was no reason or need to cross the clear line drawn in front of me.

In the first place, Woo Young-geol wasn’t a person worth crossing that line for. Rather, I had already overinvested in him enough.

“But maybe…”

“Say it.”

“Can I call you Hyung…?”

Young-geol smiled shyly again and leaned towards me. Honestly, there was nothing wrong with it. I sometimes casually sorted out honorifics with close colleagues.

From Young-geol’s point of view, he could misunderstand that we were very close friends who shared a huge secret. But the problem was my subtly reluctant heart.

Yeah, I didn’t really want to allow it. An discomfort that I didn’t know where it came from was grabbing my ankle tightly. I didn’t want to offer him any intimate space. So I wanted to firmly refuse to let him call me by such a personal title.

“Well…”

But only an ambiguous answer that was neither positive nor negative came out of my mouth. I had to continue the rest of the sentence, but I was speechless because of the scratchy feeling.

My lips wouldn’t fall off easily, so I gave up answering. I put down my spoon and drank water. I felt like I had to rinse my mouth to get rid of the unpleasant feeling.

“Yes, Hyung!”

Young-geol interpreted it as he pleased. He smiled cheerfully, regardless of my answer. Looking at that smile, I barely suppressed the random thoughts that came to mind. It must have been an unimportant thought. So… probably.

I erased his white, clear face from my mind and brought up the main point. I wanted to avoid conversation topics that revealed intimacy.

“So, are you going to confess?”

“…Yes. I think I should. No, I think I can.”

It was a very strange answer. I couldn’t understand the meaning.

A cacophony of noise poured down like shooting stars. So many people, smells, and lights rushed in. It stung my whole body. Like someone who was feeling uncomfortable. My stomach started to churn. My head seemed to be ringing too.

Maybe I’ll feel better if I drink. I vaguely fiddled with the glass in front of me. Whether he gets rejected or starts dating, I hope he comes to a conclusion soon. Then this tedious consultation will be over.

“Then do it. If you like him so much, you should confess.”

“…”

Young-geol blinked and suddenly poured soju into my glass. The spilled liquid flowed down the back of my hand. I frowned without realizing it. He was headstrong. Young-geol acted innocent, but sometimes he acted so selfishly.

“Assistant Manager Woo.”

“Please drink with me, Hyung. I can’t do it sober. It’s too… hard.”

I sighed involuntarily. I didn’t like the fact that someone else was putting the finishing touches on my own worries. Especially since it was very similar to the conclusion I had come to, it seemed like I was just following his words.

But it wasn’t easy to turn away Young-geol, who was shedding tears. Yeah, I was going to drink anyway… And there was quite an age difference between Young-geol and me, so I felt like I was doing something bad. I felt like I was becoming a bad adult trying to win against a child.

I looked at the transparent liquid and wet my lips. I can’t drink well, but it’s soju, not beer. A spicy and pungent scent remained on the tip of my tongue. My face contorted in an instant.

Young-geol suddenly burst out laughing as he looked at me. Crying, laughing. It was crazy to be with him. I was dizzy.

As expected, there was hardly anything about him that suited me.

“Hyung, would you like some Dried Pollack?”

Young-geol dragged out the end of his words and shyly held out a Dried Pollack in front of my lips. Is this guy crazy? I pushed his hand away and picked up another dried snack and put it in my mouth myself.

Young-geol’s expression seemed to stiffen for a moment, but I didn’t want to maintain an unnecessarily close distance with him. In the first place, we weren’t that close.

“So when are you going to confess?”

“Hmm… soon?”

“Okay. Then your worries are completely resolved now.”

“…No?”

Is he messing with me?

Young-geol shook his head slowly, as if he was drunk in that short amount of time. His dazed eyes stared at me intently.