By Zephyria That day, because I couldn’t do anything for Gyeoul, who was smiling as if he hadn’t fallen apart.
That remained like a debt forever.
Perhaps it was an inferiority complex about Gyeoul’s strength. About the reality that he didn’t need me, that I wasn’t needed. It was the ugly side of me.
“So! Let’s go out… let’s go out for a drink.”
Woo Young-geol’s eyes darted around incessantly. Frantically.
“I don’t want to.”
I shook off his hand. He had gripped it so hard that there was a mark on my wrist. Because I couldn’t feel the pain, I didn’t realize he had grabbed me this hard. I stared silently at my wrist, which was flushed red.
I laughed, not knowing what was funny.
“Aren’t you going to apologize to me?”
“Should I say it here? I’m fine with it. If you can talk about it here, I’ll talk. I’ll apologize too. But if you’re not confident, just go your own way.”
“……”
“Aren’t you leaving?”
Woo Young-geol’s eyes turned red. He panted as if his breathing was getting faster. I didn’t feel anything. No, nothing could affect me. Not the Head of department’s personal attacks, nor the subordinate who had gone crazy since his mother died.
Young-geol couldn’t say anything in the end and seemed to be holding back tears.
I left him behind and headed for the elevator. To be able to cut it off like this. To be able to refuse so firmly now that everything is over.
There was no hesitation in my steps. I no longer felt sorry for him. I pressed the down button and waited silently. Suddenly, I remembered when my long-lasting relationship with Woo Young-geol had begun.
∗ ∗ ∗
〈Hello! I’m Woo Young-geol, the Assistant manager who just joined.〉
Young-geol bowed deeply and greeted me quite loudly. He seemed awkward, as if he was clumsy in social life. For some reason, it was strange that he had a title that was excessive for his experience, but this company was always like that, so I thought nothing of it. Until he came directly under me.
Woo Young-geol found it very difficult to deal with me. I also had no intention of getting close to him personally, so I only spent my energy teaching him, who was lacking in many ways. That alone was annoying and difficult enough.
〈Head of section, please have this. I’m always sorry that I’m slow to learn and bother you.〉
Nevertheless, Young-geol was quite affable. He often bought desserts or coffee, as if trying to get close to me, and I didn’t refuse. It’s true that teaching him was annoying. However, I was only teaching him diligently with the expectation that my work would be reduced even a little if he learned properly. It wasn’t that I wanted this kind of reward.
I wanted to tell him to put in a little more effort to improve his work skills instead of buying these things, but I nodded. That’s how we maintained a very lukewarm official relationship. Until that incident.
∗ ∗ ∗
〈Ho-jun! Did you come to see me?〉
〈You contact me too much. ……Annoying.〉
〈Who comes just because of that. You wanted to see me, didn’t you? Stop making excuses.〉
〈Don’t be clingy.〉
〈It’s not that, it’s because I like you…〉
It was around the time when I had become close enough to Young-geol to have a cup of coffee with him on the rooftop and scold him. While taking a walk after lunch to avoid the Team leader and Head of department, I found Young-geol with a man.
I wasn’t very close to Young-geol and didn’t want to get involved in anything, so I tried to avoid him, but Young-geol and I made eye contact. He blushed deeply at the man in front of him, but when he found me, he froze completely.
I realized in that moment that he liked the man in front of him sexually. But I didn’t want to get involved in anything annoying. I recognized it because I was also gay, but it wasn’t that obvious.
But it didn’t seem to be the case for Young-geol. Young-geol, who belatedly chased after me as I passed by indifferently, grabbed my wrist and poured out excuses.
〈…Head of section. That’s, well, it’s not like that…!〉
〈Assistant Manager Woo. I’m not curious and I don’t know what’s going on, so go your own way. I’m going to take a walk and go back in. If it’s work-related, talk to me at the company later. And let go of this hand.〉
I passed him, answering him in a businesslike manner as he tried to out me. He must have never experienced social life. What kind of stupid thing is it to explain something that will cause gossip?
His terrified expression made it seem like he was assuming the worst-case scenario. I wish he would realize it and get lost after I said this much.
Fortunately, Young-geol seemed to understand what I meant and didn’t hold me back any further. Of course, he didn’t bring up the matter again. It seemed to be settled like that.
If Woo Young-geol hadn’t suddenly burst into tears while working overtime.
I was organizing data ahead of a very important team project. Fortunately, my superiors had already left work, and only Woo Young-geol and I were left in the office.
He had been sniffling for a while, so I thought he had rhinitis. The sound was so annoying that I thought I should just work alone. In the first place, Young-geol wasn’t that helpful.
So this was completely unexpected. Young-geol came to me crying.
〈Head of section… I have a problem, can I ask you for advice…?〉
〈……Haa.〉
I unconsciously sighed. I have a mountain of work to do, but I have to play the role of a babysitter. Young-geol hasn’t said what his problem is yet, but I think I know roughly what it is. It’s probably related to that boy. I could tell just by the fact that he wanted to tell me so badly.
I didn’t want to get involved at all.
Woo Young-geol was not a good Hubae, and he was terrible at his job. He seemed to be friendly, but he was just a young socialite. The only thing to look at was his handsome appearance? So I didn’t want to get involved with him. Not even for a moment.
However, if Woo Young-geol suddenly doesn’t show up for work or quits during this important time, the Head of department and Team leader’s nagging will fall directly on me. They would criticize me, saying that I didn’t manage my Hubae well, and push work onto me.
〈Can’t I?〉
〈…Pack your bags.〉
I saved the document I was looking at and turned off the computer. I had roughly organized the urgent data, so I just had to come in a little earlier tomorrow. Young-geol nodded, crying. Then he babbled that he knew a good restaurant nearby and would guide me there.
Gyeoul will be waiting. I told him in advance that I would be working overtime, and I need to contact him and tell him to go to sleep first because I’ll be late… It was tiring to explain everything. I had already been mentally exhausted from being harassed by the Head of department once in the morning. On top of that, to be honest, it was a terrible experience to have to listen to the concerns of a useless Hubae.
[Go to sleep first. I’ll be late.]
I hesitated while touching my phone, but eventually sent it. Gyeoul will be angry when he sees it. …I don’t know. I didn’t have the energy to explain. Gyeoul will be going to work tomorrow, so I hoped he wouldn’t wait for me and just sleep. Gyeoul needs to sleep at least 6 hours.
I sighed. I pressed my eyes hard. I’m tired and exhausted. If I could just quit my job, would I be free from all this pressure? My stomach was getting more and more sore. I wiped my dry face and followed Young-geol, who was walking ahead.
∗ ∗ ∗
〈So, as you know, I’m, well… gay…〉
〈…….〉
〈I like the friend you saw back then. I should call it a one-sided crush…〉
Young-geol drank his alcohol. I wet my lips with cider. Both sentences were made up of information I already knew. Boringly.
Other people’s love lives were not my concern. I spun the glass around. I wasn’t good at counseling, and Young-geol’s eloquence wasn’t as interesting as Gyeoul’s.
He glanced at me as if to gauge my reaction. I answered him insincerely.
〈Yeah. I’m listening.〉
〈Well… you’re the only person I can confide in, Head of section.〉
I’ve lived my life in vain.
I barely managed to hold back the words that were about to pop out. In fact, I was no different from Woo Young-geol, but I had Gyeoul.
Ah, I used to suffer alone with such worries. I picked up and put in my mouth some whelk that was deliciously seasoned with red sauce. It was a taste that Gyeoul would like. I should remember it and bring him here someday.
〈Keep talking.〉
〈Well, but… I don’t think he likes me. Ever. Forever…….〉
〈…….〉
〈Actually, I was satisfied just being next to him? I was sure that if I was next to him… I would be okay. But, I, without even realizing it… I must have been obsessed. So, I happened to hear that he was Dating phase with someone…….〉
〈…Yeah.〉
I didn’t like this topic even more.
I was going to answer roughly because it was a love consultation, but when I opened it, it looked quite similar. In other words, it resembled the tedious one-sided love I had. Listening to Young-geol, I remembered that time. Because I know how miserable and difficult it is, I sympathized with his feelings.
Tears dripped from Young-geol’s eyes.
What was I like? I wet my throat with the drink again. Even though it was already in the past, I tasted bitterness on the tip of my tongue. Even the refreshing coolness of the popping carbonation felt bitter.
When Gyeoul got a new lover… I couldn’t stand it anymore and ran away to the military. Leaving him with only one confession. I couldn’t forget Gyeoul’s expression and kept thinking about it. But my heart didn’t give up, so I endured it while thinking of him.
〈But… that day, he ended up telling me not to contact him… He said I was misunderstanding. That it seemed like I was misunderstanding. So I asked him. If he really had someone he was Dating phase with. …He said no. He said it wasn’t, but he thought it would make me misunderstand more…….〉
〈Hmm?〉
〈He told me to stop contacting him… He told me not to see him for a while. He said he was confused.〉
What kind of conclusion is this?