By Zephyria 
“Don’t you still know why? Put it on speakerphone and answer it now. I think you’ll understand the reason then. In my opinion.”
Kwon Yi-tae’s hand, held in my grip, twitched. Cold, suppressed anger inevitably seeped into my tone. You must have felt it too.
If you were so wronged, you could prove it yourself. That a brief period of ennui had come due to a long relationship with one person, that you had wandered but now settled back on love. And that you absolutely did not accompany anyone other than me on that short wandering path.
…But Yi-tae. Is it possible to prove that? No, you can’t. I have no intention of waiting any longer.
“……”
Kwon Yi-tae couldn’t say anything. His lips moved, but in the end, only a long silence returned. I could feel the force preventing his finger from accidentally pressing the call button. Even this was ridiculous.
You can’t provide evidence, but you want to prevent the breakup? Even if your heart somehow returns, it will be repeated again in seven years. If I get tired of you again, will you do this again then?
Wow, what kind of trash is that? Oh, it’s right here!
“Look at this, Kwon Yi-tae. You don’t want to answer the call in front of me, do you? Or should I press it for you? Are you too weak to press it? You only need to touch it once, is that difficult?”
“……Do we really have to go this far?”
“So, instead of being so pathetic, let’s break up cleanly. I won’t be curious about that person either. Actually, I’m not curious at all. See Article 4 here? I’ll be sure to keep it, so don’t worry.”
The vibration stopped abruptly. If it was so urgent that they kept calling like this, they would call again in a few minutes. If necessary, I could answer the phone then. Tomorrow is the day of the trip, and if there’s no contact, that’s trash, what else is trash?
Perhaps… did you not answer my calls like this that day too? Ignoring me, pretending not to know. Only looking at the other person’s face, treating the call as if it were an obstacle to love.
My trust in Kwon Yi-tae ended completely along with love. I will never be able to find it again.
I raised my pinky finger. Although it’s not visible, there may have been a red thread tying Kwon Yi-tae and me together here. I don’t know what impact this will have in the future… I let go of what I was holding onto Kwon Yi-tae and made scissors with my hand. And, snip. I cut somewhere in the air near my finger.
Now it’s completely cut off. Even if you tie the severed thread, it will still be cut. It looks plausible, but in reality, it can never be connected.
I felt that the beautiful youth that existed so densely within me had already faded. My stomach was very sore. How did I protect it? No more. I couldn’t give any more than this.
“…It was ennui.”
“I knew it. Love… yes, it can cool down. You can’t love with the same temperature for ten million years. Kwon Yi-tae, it’s just a good-looking excuse. In the end, you found new dopamine, because I’m boring and not fun. You. Am I wrong?”
“……No. Really, …no…”
He wasn’t confident in his answer. His voice gradually became smaller.
Well… I didn’t think Kwon Yi-tae would live a double life. But at some point, he started thinking of that person before his lover, spending a lot of time with him, and maybe even imagining dating him. Just not crossing the line of cheating.
“I’ll say it again. Kwon Yi-tae, that doesn’t matter anymore. We’re going to break up and just need to sort out the remaining issues. Do you understand?”
I held up the paper right in front of Kwon Yi-tae’s nose. His face was hidden by the white paper. I felt a little better now. Even if I saw his pitiful expression, which looked like he was about to cry, I didn’t feel any emotion. Kwon Yi-tae held the paper together. I pulled my hand back.
It’s boring.
It’s annoying.
I wanted to go watch the drama I’ve been watching these days. It was a makjang, so the development was exciting. It was so thrilling that I was going crazy.
There were plenty of things that gave me dopamine. Even if it wasn’t a heart-fluttering romance. If you’re not excited even when you see your lover, it means there are other ways to overcome it besides infidelity.
If Kwon Yi-tae wanted me to leave, I could go home right away. Not our house, my house.
“Give me time to think.”
“As I said before, I don’t have time to…”
“The contract clause. You can’t do this carelessly. It’s a monetary transaction.”
I still couldn’t see Kwon Yi-tae’s expression.
I wasn’t upset even though he stopped talking. Because he expressed his intention to break up. Maybe it was because Yi-tae’s hand, which was holding the contract, was trembling as he spoke firmly. Because you were the one I once loved.
I heard a rustling sound. Did the ennui that suddenly came to you one day disappear without a trace one day? Is that why you’re reacting like this?
Or maybe it’s something like this.
It’s a little disappointing to let me go, but it’s starting to feel a little too good to give me to someone else.
“Kwon Yi-tae.”
“……”
He didn’t answer. What’s with that last name.
“There’s no intention in this question, we’re breaking up today, I have no intention of seeing you again, and I’m not going to come back to this house once I leave, so please don’t misunderstand and listen. It’s just pure curiosity…”
I said quickly without taking a breath.
“……”
“So, is the ennui you talked about over?”
“……”
“I guess it was hard to understand because I spoke in English. Then I’ll ask again in Korean. Do you still love me?”
Kwon Yi-tae was still holding the contract, as if he was going to die burying his nose in the paper. In silence. What kind of mentality is it to try to hold on without knowing whether you love me or not?
How much more lonely are you going to leave me?
There was no answer, but I understood it roughly on my own. It was as if the last gritty sand grains were now being swept away by the river. My mouth was so refreshed that it was bitter, as if I had put a lot of mint gum in it. How many expectations did I let go of in order to have this conversation?
One thing I regret is that I didn’t hear the phone call. I wanted to watch it with the feeling of watching a makjang drama. How much more heartbreaking conversations would have taken place… Reality was worse than a drama. Office wives were common.
“…I love you.”
“Wrong. I told you, you should have said it yesterday? No. Even that word will arrive tomorrow. There will be no one to receive it, though.”
It’s too late.
I also answered lightly to the light confession of love like a balloon. Your heart must be just as light, so you wouldn’t be hurt. I also knew you who confessed desperately in the past. I just decided to conclude that way.
In fact, the reason why he couldn’t put down the paper was to hide his eyes. Because even the deceiving person can’t deceive his eyes.
Indifferent eyes that don’t love.
‘If it was last month, it would have been a little more miserable.’
I hummed a song unconsciously. There was nothing more to do. We decided to break up. We decided to think a little more about the contract, but this was a problem that could be dealt with slowly. Anyway, it would take me a few days to completely remove my luggage. If the story ends within that time, well.
“The house…”
“Okay, don’t worry. I’ll leave right away today. If you’re going to bring in a new person, please tell me in advance. So I don’t run into them while taking my luggage.”
I should only pack a few clothes today. Actually, I didn’t intend to leave like this. Somehow things turned out like this. As expected, you could only know what would happen in the world by letting it flow.
Pushing the chair back, I got up from my seat. The top of Kwon Yi-tae’s head came into view. The paper fell weakly from his hand. He covered his face with both hands as if he had no intention of picking it up again.
Leaving Yi-tae like that, I could finally pass by easily.
∗ ∗ ∗
〈Yi-tae, do you know why I fell in love with you?〉
〈Why was it?〉
〈Because you’re so cute!〉
Gyeoul’s refreshing laughter seemed to be faintly heard from afar. Clear and clear, like transparent glass.
I’m not cute anymore. Not my age, not my face. Then you won’t fall in love with me…
My head throbbed as if it was about to break. It was the usual familiar migraine, but it was particularly burdensome today. The pain grew more and more. I closed my eyes tightly and gasped for breath. My body refused oxygen. My lungs repeatedly tightened and loosened.
The phone vibrated tirelessly, and I was left alone at the table. Everything… was really messed up.
In front of me was a strange paper, definitely written in alien language. I couldn’t understand a single word from beginning to end.
〈Contract〉
Choi Gyeoul (hereinafter referred to as “A”) and Kwon Yi-tae (hereinafter referred to as “B”) enter into a contract for separation as follows.
Article 1, A and B completely terminate their relationship as lovers by mutual agreement. There is no intention to reunite, and even if one party changes their mind, they are prohibited from approaching each other in any way unless there is mutual consent.
Article 2, In the case of the apartment jointly owned by A and B, it is a principle that B resides there. The ownership of the items in the apartment belongs to B. B shall bear all costs incurred due to residence, and is permitted to have a roommate if there is an agreement with A. However, rent may be charged only to the roommate, and this amount shall also be determined by consultation between A and B.
Article 3, In the event of selling the apartment, A and B shall discuss and determine the timing, and the shares shall be divided 50 to 50. At this time, B shall perform all tasks necessary for the sale procedure, such as cleaning. A may cooperate if necessary.
Article 4, B shall not contact A except for matters related to real estate. The opposite situation is also the same. In particular, if you send a cheesy phrase such as “Are you asleep?” while drunk with alcohol, you can be blocked immediately, and all disadvantages and costs incurred by the blocking shall be borne by the previous sender.
Article 5, The contract period is until all related matters are settled, and can be terminated at any time by mutual agreement.
Clauses not specified in the contract can be adjusted by agreement, and if a contract item is violated during the contract period, a penalty of 1,000,000 won (one million won) per violation shall be immediately sent to the other party’s account. To prove this contract, two copies of the contract are created, and each party signs and seals them and keeps one copy each.
A: (Seal)
B: (Seal)
…What the hell is this nonsense.
It was completely wrong from the first line. I couldn’t read it. So, Gyeoul and I are ending our relationship as lovers? Then what kind of relationship will we have? If we’re not lovers, what can you and I be?