By Zephyria 
I was as still as a frog killed by a carelessly thrown stone.
I was terrified, beyond simply trembling. Even if I said I was just trembling, I knew you would just laugh it off… It felt like my heart had been torn apart and laid bare. The blanket rustled as it crumpled. It was because I was clenching my hands so tightly.
“That can’t be.”
I barely managed to move and lie down on the bed. Thankfully, my voice sounded normal. Gyeoul replied, “Is that so?” and chuckled softly. The vibration traveled through the mattress. I was that close to you.
Me and you, close enough to touch, under the same blanket. Suddenly, I felt suffocated. My blood was rushing too fast. I couldn’t look anywhere else. The ceiling was my only sanctuary. Even my breathing sounded starkly loud in the dark room.
“Being like this reminds me of that time.”
Gyeoul said quietly.
I wondered when exactly you were referring to. When I turned my head slightly, my hair brushed against the pillow. My body immediately flinched at the sound. My toes felt numb, but I couldn’t move. Fortunately, he wasn’t looking at me.
I felt like my throat was blocked, but I forced myself to reply.
“When?”
It was no longer quiet. My heart was loud, and my mind was floating, unable to calm down. I was so conscious of the position of my tongue, my inhales and exhales, and even the movement of my pupils that I felt like I was going crazy.
Gyeoul hummed thoughtfully, drawing it out. I heard a rustling sound next to me. His scent filled the air. I squeezed my eyes shut and held my breath. I felt like I was going to die. It was too stimulating.
“You know, the day I first slept over at your house.”
“Yeah.”
That would have been back in high school. It was when I first recognized love and trembled like this. When I was desperate to touch you, even just a little.
That’s right, I was in love with you even back then. Inevitably.
“I guess you were nervous because you liked me. Now that I think about it, that’s how it was. I was wondering why you were acting so foolish.”
His faint laughter, as if he were wandering through the past, sounded distant. Today, Gyeoul’s wall felt particularly low. I wish he had raised it higher and prevented me from looking inside.
So I wouldn’t have expectations. So I wouldn’t covet your kindness.
His voice was gentle. That’s what made it even more painful. I was the culprit who ruined your memories, but you were reminiscing about that time through me. With a look that seemed to recall a very nostalgic time.
Could I lean on that feeling and sympathize with you for just a moment? As if I were happy, reminiscing about memories with a close friend.
I became greedy.
“You were the first. You were the first friend I ever invited to my house.”
“You said that back then too, and spilled juice on my clothes.”
“……I was so nervous that I couldn’t grip things properly. It was the worst.”
“It was fun. Your reaction was cute.”
His voice gradually faded. His laughter subsided, and I heard even breaths. In contrast, my heart pounded louder and more wildly.
At this rate, I was sure to spend the night wide awake. Even if I fell asleep now, I would only be able to sleep for about three hours. It was past 2 AM.
I quietly turned my head and looked at Gyeoul’s sleeping face. As much as I wanted. It was a time of freedom where I didn’t have to worry about him noticing. Gyeoul doesn’t wake up easily once he falls asleep, so it should be okay to just look at him like this.
Has his jawline become a bit sharper than it was two years ago? The you in my imagination had a lower nose than this. You’ve lost some weight. I should make your favorite side dishes tomorrow. You’re so pretty. How can you be so lovely?
The more I looked, the more I wanted to capture him in my eyes. So that he would be completely imprinted and never forgotten. With lingering regret, I struggled to take my eyes off him.
Like the saying, “Regret is always too late, no matter how early,” I couldn’t catch what had left. Even if it was the only thing I had ever loved in my life. I was the one who foolishly let go of that precious thing. I was the one I should resent and curse.
“……Good night.”
I offered a late greeting.
Carefully lifting the blanket, I got out of bed. I needed to wash my face with cold water, go out to the veranda, and feel the cold air to calm down below. Shouldn’t I cut off my dick that gets erect all the time? Self-mockery lingered on my lips.
I carefully closed the door so Gyeoul wouldn’t wake up. It seemed best to calm down and then lie down on the sofa to get some sleep.
It was a very long night where time seemed to hardly pass.
∗ ∗ ∗
There’s a Housekeeping fairy living in my house. And it must be a crazy one.
I’m definitely home much more than the Housekeeping fairy, so how on earth did he get everything done so perfectly? It didn’t make sense logically. I’ve never seen him doing housework, but when I come to my senses, everything is done.
It was the same today.
I woke up at 6 AM, as was my habit. Yi-tae was perfectly dressed and left, saying he would see me at the office. Was he waiting for me to wake up so he could say good morning? I had reasonable doubts.
When I left the bedroom, the house was filled with a savory smell. A different meal was prepared on the table every time. It was so meticulously prepared that I could have believed it was breakfast at a five-star hotel. Even the drinks changed every day to match the prepared dishes.
Isn’t he hardly sleeping at dawn?
“Crazy bastard.”
To be honest, my body felt several times more comfortable. It felt like my imagination of wishing someone would do the housework for me had come true. It was truly the appearance of a Housekeeping fairy. But one who didn’t care about his own well-being.
It was a breakfast that he himself never ate.
When I went to work, a cup of herbal tea was placed at Yi-tae’s desk. I knew he had a habit of drinking coffee every morning, but he didn’t drink it as if he had completely quit. He didn’t need to listen to me that much. I almost felt sorry.
He was definitely not getting enough sleep, but his complexion was much brighter than before. People occasionally told Yi-tae that he had become more handsome. What was going on? Was the motel that bad?
For lunch, I ate the lunchbox that the Housekeeping fairy had packed. He had left a memo in the refrigerator asking if there was anything I wanted to eat, and I thought it was cute, so I replied. Since that day, he started asking me every day. The yellow memos began to pile up neatly in the drawer next to my bed.
〈Can’t you accept anything I do for you?〉
I remembered Yi-tae saying that while crying, drunk. It hadn’t been long since that happened.
I put the seasoned bean sprouts, which were seasoned deliciously, into my mouth. They were crunchy and tangy, making my mouth water. I blankly moved my jaw. I needed to focus solely on the taste, but my thoughts kept turning to the Housekeeping fairy.
“Your lunchbox is pretty substantial these days.”
Ian sat down next to me and blurted out. Since I started bringing a lunchbox, Ian started bringing one too, saying he had no one to eat with.
“And you’re having salad again?”
“It’s quite a chore to pack one.”
He nonchalantly stole one of my precious side dishes and ate it. When I furrowed my brow, Ian smiled playfully. I had divided the rice and side dishes appropriately, but this bastard.
“It’s good. Did you make it?”
“No.”
I answered ambiguously. I couldn’t just blab about Yi-tae’s situation, nor could I take credit for something I didn’t make.
Ian stared at me with a puzzled look. Instead of resolving his question, I kept my mouth shut. Still, I was glad that he hadn’t said he wanted to come over lately because he was busy. Not that I would have allowed it anyway.
I didn’t really like having people in my space. That went for friends too. It didn’t matter if I went to theirs, but in the case of others, I only invited carefully selected people. It had become even worse since I started living with Yi-tae.
“I guess you bought it. Well, it’s not Gyeoul’s handiwork.”
“……”
“I don’t think I’ll be working late today. What are you doing tonight?”
Ian asked, dipping his salad into the dressing and putting it in his mouth.
He was a good person. That much was certain. He had selfish aspects, but it was hard to see his essence as being that way. Rather, it was even reassuring to have such a person as an ally.
A competent and caring boss. Or a younger man who must have a crush on me.
“I think I’ll just go home.”
“Did you put honey on your house or something?”
It wasn’t honey, but there was a Housekeeping fairy. I laughed at his tone, which felt like grumbling. Ian quietly started eating his salad.
He sometimes stopped eating as if lost in thought. I looked at him when the crunching sound stopped. Ian was staring at me intently. It was an intense gaze.
“Are you free tonight?”
He asked calmly. I was sure I had answered in a way that implied a refusal, but there must be a reason why he was asking again.
It’s not like I have any special plans…