By Zephyria A lovely laugh followed, like a lark’s song.
Unable to deny any words, I stood frozen as if time had stopped. Once the gears started meshing, they spun wildly, running like a runaway train.
Gloom and joy kissed, changing faces.
“…I like it.”
I answered as if bewitched. My heart, laid bare, was leaping in my hand. If I had any conscience, it was an emotion I could never show Gyeoul.
You conscienceless piece of trash.
Even as I despised myself, I couldn’t stop my heart from running wild. It was an act of God. A problem that couldn’t be solved with willpower.
It had been like this all along. Ever since that night when you said you’d make time for me. As if under a strange spell, my heart wouldn’t stop racing. Days followed when my face felt hot and my whole body flushed.
It was so sweet that I was afraid everything would melt away and disappear. My essence is so ugly and repulsive, could I dare stay by your side?
“To like pain, you’re a true pervert. Dangerous guy. My room is off-limits from now on.”
Gyeoul closed his eyes again and spoke as if murmuring. The stillness made it seem like he would fall asleep.
You spoke as if assuming a natural future. There was not an ounce of doubt in it. So it contained a firm belief that I would not refuse the offer to live with you.
‘Gyeoul, is it really okay for someone like me to go into your house?’
A warm light poured down on me in the dark prison where I couldn’t see anything. It was a hand of salvation far superior and unique to any omnipotent god. So I had no choice but to grab it.
You were right. If given the chance, I had no right to refuse. No, even if I did, I wouldn’t want to. That was my true heart.
I could only breathe by your side. I could think about the future. It was the desire of a wretched mutt who wanted to tie up the already severed red thread and continue it as much as possible.
I cautiously asked to make sure I understood correctly.
“…It’s okay if I live in the bathroom.”
“Then how do I shower? We may have been close, but showing my body is a bit much.”
Gyeoul spoke seriously, as if he wasn’t joking. But the slightly upturned corners of his lips were not hidden at all. I wanted to kiss him there right away. Because I knew how sweet that short moment would be.
It was like eternity. It didn’t seem like that much time had passed, but the sun was gradually setting in the west. Every minute and every second was precious.
He must have been very tired from working overtime yesterday, because not long after, Gyeoul seemed to fall into a deep sleep, breathing evenly. I raised my hand to create a small shade over him so he wouldn’t be dazzled. Choi Gyeoul resting comfortably in my arms. How unfamiliar a sentence.
Just a little… could I be just a little greedy?
If I could just touch that soft hair once. Like in those peaceful moments of the past. I’d be happy to die soon if I could fall into the illusion that I’d gone back to that time.
Gyeoul’s eyelashes seemed to flutter in the wind. The flower rain that seemed to cover the whole world did not fall on Gyeoul’s face, unfortunately. I wanted to touch him even for a moment under the pretext of taking it off.
I gently blew on the petals fluttering near him. They fluttered down and landed on Gyeoul’s nose. It must have been a very light touch, but Gyeoul’s brow narrowed subtly.
I bit down on my lips, which were parched with tension. I held my breath so that even my breath wouldn’t reach you. Just for a moment.
I squeezed my eyes shut and opened them. My hand trembled. A lukewarm warmth touched my fingertips. I gently removed the petal that Gyeoul had touched. He still didn’t wake up. My heart was falling with a large drop on my tongue.
Mmm. A small sound came from Gyeoul. Startled, I quickly withdrew my hand. Perhaps because I felt a twitching movement. He opened his flickering eyes for a moment and said, ‘Ah, Yi-tae,’ and closed his eyes again.
What kind of being am I to you now?
Am I still someone you can feel relieved by in your sleep? Or was I the kind Kwon Yi-tae from some point in the past?
I lowered my head. My hair fell down in clumps. A shadow fell over your face. Feeling a strong pulse, I moved closer and closer down. Until I could hear your breathing. Until the familiar scent of Gyeoul dominated all my senses.
‘You mustn’t be greedy.’
It was the end of a person who was not qualified. I waited for the trembling in my whole body to subside. I didn’t know how much time it would take, but I just hoped it wouldn’t take long.
∗ ∗ ∗
Things went smoothly.
Gyeoul took me to a famous steakhouse on social media and ordered several very expensive dishes. He even cut my steak for me, and nodded as if satisfied.
We didn’t talk much while eating. Gyeoul liked to focus solely on the food, and knowing that, I didn’t want to disturb his happy meal.
The precious time that Gyeoul gave me was enough just to be together.
He pressed the bill into my hand and smiled brightly. I held back a laugh because he looked so cute. In my heart, I could have broken down the walls of the restaurant. I didn’t regret spending money on Gyeoul at all, so I paid with a very happy heart.
After eating, Gyeoul asked me to show him my accommodation. I didn’t want to take Gyeoul to a place infested with bugs, so I tried to refuse, but he was adamant. I always showed him only shameful sides of myself.
He made it possible for me to have this time with him, but I regretted that I should have added more money and booked a better place. I didn’t want to take him there because I thought Gyeoul would experience the terrible itching I was experiencing.
I had some money saved up, and I subtly appealed that I could go to another better place if I wanted to, but Gyeoul silently took the lead and moved to the motel.
And Gyeoul, standing in the middle of the accommodation, looked very angry.
“Kwon Yi-tae.”
He called my name in a low voice. The three syllables with my surname had never sounded so scary.
At least it looked clean because I hadn’t even unpacked my luggage properly. If you looked closely, the cleaning was very bad, but at first glance, it wasn’t bad to lie down in.
Noticing that Gyeoul was standing close to the bed, I carefully pulled on his clothes. Unless he lay down, they wouldn’t crawl on him, but there might be a chance.
His expression hardened even more. He seemed to know why I was pulling him.
“Yeah.”
I chose to answer because I was afraid of his silence. Gyeoul’s eyebrows tilted fiercely. I felt like I was being scolded by my parents. He wasn’t even scolding me, but my body bent over as if I was scared.
Gyeoul sighed deeply.
“Of course, it’s not my place to interfere, but you can judge this much, right? Putting aside all the worries, shall I tell you? The speed of your work can vary depending on your condition. There’s a limit to being foolish, how can you endure this? That’s why you get sick.”
He argued logically without giving me a chance to speak. There was nothing wrong with what Gyeoul said.
It’s just that I thought it was a waste to invest in myself… I wasn’t that kind of person, and I just came here because I wanted to be in the same city as Gyeoul. But I didn’t bother to say that out loud.
“How many more days have you booked?”
“I haven’t yet.”
Perhaps because it was a place full of bad reviews, there were always empty rooms. If possible, I always booked on the day because I was thinking of getting a new room someday.
Gyeoul tried to move towards the bed. I grabbed his wrist again.
“Don’t go near it.”
“Why? Are you afraid I’ll get bitten by bedbugs like you?”
He turned to me and rolled up his sleeves. Fortunately, it was his right arm. The red, swollen skin was exposed. I tried not to scratch it, but the traces I had touched without his knowledge remained as blisters. I was embarrassed and ashamed.
Gyeoul’s lips parted more and more. Without saying a word, he let go of my wrist. Then, leaving me behind, he picked up his carrier. It was the only luggage he had because he had sprayed medicine on it and zipped it up tightly in case it would get on his clothes.
“You’re coming to my house right now. If your parents knew you were living like this, I couldn’t face them.”
Without hearing my answer, Gyeoul pulled the carrier out. There were many contradictions in his words, but I silently followed him.
I was enjoying undeserved luck with just this much injury.
Even though I was thoroughly scolded, my heart was beating very fast. It was to the point where my head was ringing.
‘Gyeoul, do we have a future?’
My dull brain was coming up with very stupid thoughts, but I tried to ignore them. It was a very unnecessary and unconscionable excitement.