By Zephyria The sun was still leaning towards the east. There was plenty of time, and I had already scouted out a popular spot last time, so all I had to do was grab the picnic box I had prepared in advance and leave. It would take about 25 minutes to get from here to my place, so it was worth stopping by.
I didn’t have to try to analyze Yi-tae to know what he was thinking.
He was probably happy about the unexpected luck, but also wondering if he deserved it. It was obvious without asking. Yes, once I acknowledged your love, the traces of it were so easily visible.
I wanted to scrape and dig out your entire inner self, but I also wanted to let it flow by as if nothing had happened.
Since he would never ask first even if I didn’t tell him the destination, I started walking as I pleased.
“…Is it really okay for me to come with you?”
You asked from behind.
“We need to stop by my place to pick up the picnic box.”
It was a way of saying, don’t get caught up in emotions and talk nonsense. Anyway, there was no one else who would go with me but him.
There were people who momentarily came to mind, but Yi-tae was more comfortable than them. That was a really obvious fact. Even if there had been uncomfortable moments, time couldn’t be ignored.
Love had to be accompanied by courage. Not to be so afraid and run away. …Of course, the situation is a bit different now.
‘Coward.’
A feeling, the target of which was unknown, scattered in the spring blossoms.
I walked the streets in familiar silence. It was a moment spent with the most familiar person in a foreign country full of unfamiliar faces. How was it that I didn’t feel lonely because of that? It was such an insignificant emotion.
When I thought about last Gyeoul, it felt so long and overwhelming.
Even in the days when we were on good terms, there were often times filled with silence like this. We knew what the other was thinking without speaking, so unnecessary conversations weren’t needed. We were connected so closely, as if sharing thoughts.
Sometimes, I even felt more comfortable with the silence.
“Should I wait at the company? You don’t want to reveal your home address.”
But that kind of relationship was all in the past now. Yi-tae doesn’t know what I’m thinking, and I don’t tell Yi-tae. Clearly, we needed to talk, but I didn’t want to clash.
Because it wasn’t a relationship I wanted to move forward with, even if it meant doing that.
Still, it would be troublesome if misunderstandings arose from continued delusions. I’m even thinking of bringing him home, yet I’m calmly thinking about this. I really felt like I needed to squeeze all the money out of him to feel better.
“Are you me? If you’re going to be like this, send a million won to my account every time you talk nonsense.”
If I said that, Yi-tae would nod again. Without even knowing what was unreasonable. As if he would die for me right away if I told him to.
“The account is the same, right.”
See? How clueless he is. He was so easy to take advantage of. Maybe I should take this opportunity to make a killing. The current Kwon Yi-tae would give me his organs if I asked.
The screen of the phone I took out showed the banking app. I hadn’t even said how much to give, but at this rate, he would send the maximum limit. What on earth did he think he had done so wrong to me that he was willing to give me everything like this?
I snatched the phone away. I thought about sending ten million won with my own hands, but then I put it in my pocket. I had to prevent him from even having the chance to send the money for real.
“Just follow me.”
“Okay.”
“…….”
“Tell me if you need anything.”
He should use this money to move to a better place.
I had checked Yi-tae’s account balance earlier. It was a very familiar amount. The exact amount that I had withdrawn and given to him was printed there. Interest had been added, making the last digit larger, but I could recognize it at once.
The house I had invested a lot of time in contracting was getting closer and closer. The advantages were that it was a 5-minute walk from the company and that you could see the sea at a glance. An even more perfect interior was waiting inside.
Yi-tae stopped in front of the door, as if he had no intention of following me all the way to the house. This was the right thing to do, according to common sense.
“Add another million won.”
“Huh?”
“The amount goes up every time you think whatever you want. The luggage is heavy, so you carry it too.”
“…Okay, thank you.”
What am I supposed to do with you, thanking me for using you as a porter? I sighed deeply. I was sure my lifespan had been shortened by about a day because of him.
I didn’t like his dejected look, and I didn’t like his arrogant look either. At this point, wasn’t it just that I didn’t like Yi-tae?
Even as I opened the door and went inside, Yi-tae was standing a step behind, hesitating. He acted as if he shouldn’t cross the line, like a Maginot Line. How did he sleep with someone else then? Was it easy to cross the line back then? Because it was love?
I calmed my twisting insides and threw the words out casually.
“Close the door and come in quickly before bugs get in.”
Yi-tae eventually closed the door carefully and stood still in the entryway. Each step was cautious, as if it were a gateway.
The space was too large for one person to live in, so only the living room was visible from the entryway. There was nothing interesting, but Yi-tae seriously took in the scenery as if he were looking at something precious.
I left Yi-tae alone and gathered the things I needed. I had already packed enough for two people, but since the weather was nice, I also grabbed a mat. It would be nice to lie on the grass while looking at the cherry blossoms. I had been especially busy lately.
If Yi-tae was there, he would watch over me well even if I took a nap.
“Don’t just loiter there, look around the house. It’s not like you’re the only one who’s been to this house. Ian has been here, and Michael has been here too.”
Michael was a lie, but I felt like I had to say it for him to move.
I heard the sound of shoes being taken off. Since he was Korean, he couldn’t accept walking around with shoes on.
I couldn’t hear any footsteps. Being like this reminded me of when Yi-tae first came to my place. We were dating back then, so he was much more shy. He was embarrassed of my house, which was like a shameful secret.
I didn’t feel that way now, whether it was because my circumstances had improved or because my feelings were different from back then. It felt similar to when Ian had come to my house.
Just… oh, a guest has come.
When I went outside, Yi-tae was standing blankly in the living room, looking at a painting. It was something I had bought at an exhibition I had gone to with Ian a while ago.
The inharmonious colors were strangely appealing. The title of the work was ‘About Love 2’, wasn’t it? I liked it even more because of that name. Because it seemed like it would never blend in until the end.
If the artist’s exhibition was ever held again, I wanted to go see work 1. What kind of love do you have to have to paint such a picture?
“It’s a bit strange, isn’t it. Some people actually say it’s terrible.”
“Yeah, a little.”
“What do you think the title is?”
I put the luggage down in the entryway and approached the painting. Ian had offered to buy it for me, but I refused to the end. It was because of a strange determination that if I were to have this work, I wanted to give it to myself with my own hands.
Yi-tae stared intently at the painting for a long time. It’s not like the title would come to mind just by looking at it.
“Despair… loss, I think it would be a theme like that.”
“Nope, wrong. It’s ‘About Love’. What kind of love did the artist have to paint such a picture?”
Like he said, maybe love was in contact with despair. A love riddled with distrust seemed to be in that form. Well, I dared to infer that he had a similar experience to mine.
Yi-tae didn’t say anything. I couldn’t even hear his breathing.
Beyond the wide window, I could see that the sun was already high in the sky. We had to leave soon to arrive at the University of Washington in time for lunch.
“Shall we go now? I’ll give it to you next time if you like it.”
I nudged the frozen Yi-tae.
There was not a single lie in the words that I would give it to him. If my love was calmed down and didn’t look like that, I was willing to give it to him as a memory. Looking at that painting somehow made me feel good because it was ridiculous.
I was consuming it in a completely different way than the artist intended, but so what? It had already become mine.
Since I was home, I grabbed a more comfortable outerwear. I had been agonizing over it until I left the house. Considering today’s weather and preparing for the picnic, the colorful cardigan seemed more suitable. The light beige trench coat was hung neatly on the hanger.
Until I finished my work, he didn’t move a bit, like a stone statue. I couldn’t guess what he was feeling.
“You have to do something for me as the price for looking around.”
“…….”
“It’s a proposal that you have to answer before we break up today.”
I was going to ask while looking at the cherry blossoms. When I was with Yi-tae, nothing went as expected. Impulse always preceded thought.
“Do you want to be my roommate for a while?”
But you have to pay 70 percent of the rent. The con artist’s ulterior motives were hidden away. If he said he would live with me, I was planning to get $1300 for the rent.
I smiled brightly, hiding my sinister intentions.