By Zephyria I came to pick you up.
It took Eui-jae quite a while to understand the meaning of the words. Eui-jae muttered what he had just heard. I came to pick you up. I came to pick you up…. The person beyond the coat waited patiently. Finally, Eui-jae understood the words, “I came to pick you up.” Eui-jae asked.
“Why?”
“Because I need you.”
He understood the word “need” right away. A Monster must have appeared. Eui-jae, convinced, groped the floor. There was no spear. He belatedly remembered. That’s right. It was gone. Didn’t he have a sword? He had stuck the Basilisk Fang in the snake’s head.
It’s okay. He could fight well enough with his fists….
A large hand covered the hand groping the floor.
“What are you doing?”
“Looking for a weapon.”
“Why?”
“You said you needed me.”
The hand covering the back of his hand tightened. Was that not it? His head was still dull. But if he was needed, wasn’t this the only thing? Eui-jae watched the Gas mask carefully.
“…Isn’t it?”
“No.”
“Then what is it?”
Haa, a sigh was heard from beyond the coat. Eui-jae closed his eyes. He was familiar with that kind of sigh. He could predict the words that would follow. Is that what you call a hero? Pretending to be noble all alone, making us look like weird people, we trusted you for nothing, you’re nothing special even though you’re ranked 1st….
However, the one who sighed did not add any other words. Instead, he patted the back of his hand.
“I don’t need it.”
I don’t need it.
He felt like his heart was sinking. He knew it, but hearing it said was different. Eui-jae nodded slightly.
“…I guess not.”
There was no way someone who hadn’t fulfilled his responsibilities would be needed. Eui-jae resigned himself. Maybe all of this was a dream or an illusion. It had to be. That was the only way he could endure the time he didn’t know how much was left. He mustn’t get used to other people’s voices and warmth.
The moment the illusion disappeared, silence would come, and he would be left alone.
Eui-jae scratched the blood-stained floor and pulled his hand away. However, the hand covering the back of his hand followed him. He could feel the lukewarm warmth and weight. As if to tell him it wasn’t an illusion.
“…….”
A languid voice asked.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m not going.”
“Why?”
“I have to stay here.”
“Why?”
“There’s no way out.”
“If there’s no way, you have to find it. Don’t just sit here.”
“I have to be next to these people.”
The black cloth blocked his view, so he couldn’t see the corpses of the people. He had to see them. Eui-jae tried to lift the black cloth, but something like a hand pressed down on the crown of Eui-jae’s head.
“‘People’?”
“…….”
“Hmm, they don’t look like people to me.”
The person, whoever they were, had a knack for telling the truth. That was right. They were all dead. All that was left was blood and bones, pieces of flesh that didn’t belong to anyone, and severed limbs. Eui-jae answered with his head pressed down.
“They were people.”
“Hmph…. Past tense. How did this happen?”
“They all died. Because of me.”
“Why?”
“Because I left my post.”
He heard a displeased sigh. Eui-jae braced himself for the words that would follow once again, but this time, those words did not pour out. Instead, a question came back.
“Ah… I see. Were they people who couldn’t fight? The injured?”
“They were people who could do basic combat.”
“Then… wasn’t it because they lacked ability?”
Eui-jae shook his head even with his head pressed down. If he had returned just a little sooner. If he had protected the camp. If he hadn’t left in the first place. He thought as he pierced the Monsters with his spear, slashed them with his sword, and crushed them with his fists. He thought about it countless times. There was only one conclusion. Regret.
“They were people I could have saved.”
“If you think like that, there’s no end to it…. Are you going to save everyone in the world? Are you going to be next to those people doing this every time you fail?”
“…….”
“Do you think that’s possible?”
“I know it’s impossible.”
“Then why are you doing this?”
“Because this is my fault.”
“Ah…. Okay, that’s nonsense. Let’s talk about something else.”
The hand pressing down on his head fell away. Something else. It seemed like he was willing to talk more.
Eui-jae leaned his cheek against his raised knee, still with his head bowed. It was a funny thing. He thought he had gotten used to being alone, but just talking to someone he didn’t even know made him feel better. He felt strangely uplifted…. Someone asked.
“How long have you been here?”
“I don’t know.”
“Didn’t you count the days?”
Eui-jae folded his fingers.
“…I counted up to 1 year. After that….”
“Okay, this isn’t good either. Let’s talk about something else.”
He was even happy with the topics changing so quickly. He could think more, and he could forget the pain during that time. Someone asked again.
“Is there anything you like?”
“Anything I like?”
“Uh-huh…. Like rolled omelets. Or kids. Or Hangover Soup.”
“…….”
They were all random examples. Rolled omelets and kids were one thing, but why did he mention Hangover Soup? Eui-jae thought hard. The first person who came to mind was his aunt. But… he couldn’t dare to mention her name in the place where she died. If he thought about it more, he felt like he would cry, so in the end, Eui-jae gave a random answer.
“Um, cigarettes…?”
“…….”
Someone was silent. It seemed like it wasn’t an appropriate answer. Well, that was probably right. He would think he was a chain smoker. Eui-jae didn’t want to think any deeper, so he added casually.
“It’s been a while since I smoked.”
“I guess so. …When was the last time you smoked?”
“Before I came in here.”
“When did you start smoking?”
“As soon as I became an adult.”
“How old are you now?”
“Twenty.”
“Ha, you’re quite precocious.”
“How old are you?”
“I’m older than you, at least.”
“I don’t think you’re that much older.”
“Let’s just say we’re similar. Should we talk about something else?”
It seemed like he was changing the subject because he was at a disadvantage. Eui-jae chuckled. He heard a rustling sound. Something wide touched Eui-jae’s back. It seemed like he was sitting back-to-back with him. The tips of his fingers shrank a little at the unfamiliar warmth. Someone whispered from behind.
“This time…. Well, should we talk about this story?”
“…….”
“Isn’t there anyone you saved?”
The hero’s life was a series of failures. A life that was more focused on killing than saving lives. Some people said. That the damage was reduced because you were there. That they were able to save people. But J, Cha Eui-jae, wanted to save people with his own hands. He wanted to feel the sensation of life continuing, instead of the sensation of life fading away.
The small sound of a heartbeat that caught his ear.
The sound of a heartbeat melted into his back from the back of the other person touching his back. It was the first time in a long time that he had heard someone else’s heartbeat. Eui-jae listened to the evidence that he was alive and answered.
“There is.”
“What kind of person are they?”
Eui-jae leaned a little of his weight against the back that was touching him.
“…A kid. His whole body melted because of Poison. He can’t see, and he can’t talk because his vocal cords are damaged.”
“He’s hurt a lot.”
“So at first, I wondered if saving him like this was the right thing to do. I thought it was just my greed.”
“…….”
“I wondered if it would be better to take his life without pain…. Maybe that kid wanted to die.”
The boy couldn’t sleep without painkillers. Every time they changed his bandages, he would struggle, making hoarse noises of pain. When they disinfected the melted flesh, they had to put a gag in his mouth. He clenched his teeth so hard that they would break.
Someone asked.
“Do you regret it?”
Please save me. The boy, who couldn’t make a sound, only moved his lips. In fact, that might not have been a plea to save him. He might have mistaken the struggle to breathe somehow for a plea to save him.
Even so.
“…No.”
Cha Eui-jae doesn’t regret it. He could be criticized for being selfish. He couldn’t give up on this one thing. Eui-jae answered in a clear voice.
“That kid is my only success.”
“…….”
“There’s no way I’d regret it.”
He heard a low chuckle from behind. The back and shoulders touching him heaved. He felt strange. It felt like it had been a long time since he had heard someone laugh. The laughter gradually stopped.
A voice mixed with laughter asked.
“Then…. Are you going to save people in the future too?”
“Yes.”
“Even if something like this happens again?”
Eui-jae lifted the black cloth that had been blocking his view himself. He could see the red blood and bones that he didn’t want to see. They were the people he couldn’t save. Eui-jae took in the scenery he had seen countless times and answered.
“I will.”
“Why?”
Eui-jae slowly closed and opened his eyes.
“I….”
“…….”
“I like saving people.”
“…….”
“I’m going to keep doing it. As long as I have my only success.”
Haa, he heard a sigh from behind. He was no longer afraid of sighs. He knew that the person behind him wouldn’t doubt Eui-jae. The warmth touching his back fell away. He was getting up.
“…Okay.”
He heard a voice mixed with laughter from above his head.
“This is what you should be like.”
Swish, the black cloth that had been blocking his view disappeared. His vision turned white for a moment, then soon turned red. Eui-jae stared at the red pool of blood without avoiding it. Someone was standing right behind Eui-jae.
“Then…. See you later, Hyung. Next time….”
A black hand landed on his shoulder. A black hand landed on his shoulder. A fingertip tickled Eui-jae’s ear and fell away. A gentle whisper brushed against his ear.
“You come find me first. Like you used to.”
Eui-jae hurriedly turned his head. However, someone had disappeared without a trace. As he always had. Eui-jae blankly stared at the empty lot. He was alone again.
But he wasn’t lonely.