By Zephyria It was Christmas. Seo Jeong-won resented Kwon Tae-hee, who had once again completely stopped visiting after that day. Was he teasing him, or was he genuinely busy? Was he sincere when he said he was worried? He still wasn’t fully recovered, so shouldn’t he keep coming to the hospital? Lost in thought, Seo Jeong-won even began to doubt whether the person he saw in his sleep was really Kwon Tae-hee. Maybe he had hallucinated or it was just a dream.
“Jeong-won, shall I change the channel?”
“……”
“Jeong-won?”
“Yes? Ah, yes. Is there any other… other news?”
Ever since he had fleetingly seen Kwon Tae-hee on the news that the caregiver had turned on because the hospital room was too quiet, Seo Jeong-won had been switching between news channels all day, keeping the television on. But, alas, he couldn’t see Kwon Tae-hee on the news anymore.
“Well, it’s Christmas, and… it’s the end of the year, so he must be very, very busy. Even General manager Jung only manages to come by late at night…”
“…Cough. Doesn’t the company, not rest?”
“I guess…”
He didn’t even believe that he was busy because Christmas was a holiday. Seo Jeong-won coughed, suppressing his persistent dry cough, and turned his body. As if his mood was affecting his health, his cold wasn’t getting any better, and he couldn’t even go out for a walk. All Seo Jeong-won could do was watch the news, occasionally follow the airplanes crossing the sky with his eyes, and sleep hugging the cardigan that General manager Jung brought every night.
A monotonous day dragged on. The weather forecast said there would be rain today, but the sky was only cloudy and didn’t drop anything. Starting with the thought that it would be nice if it rained, Seo Jeong-won’s mind became darker and gloomier.
The fact that he was just lying here, while today was a day of excitement and joy for others, made him feel even more depressed. He wanted to go out, but he had nowhere to go… and he was sick. Seo Jeong-won let out a small sigh as if it were a habit.
“Jeong-won.”
As if responding to the voice calling his name softly, Seo Jeong-won lifted his closed eyelids. He moved his hand at the troubled voice calling him once more in the meantime. Slowly putting down the cardigan he was hugging and turning his body in a slow motion, the man standing near the bed opened his eyes wide as if surprised.
“I thought you had fallen asleep. Jeong-won, your friend is here.”
“……Ah.”
The caregiver, who smiled the brightest she had all day, guided the man who was standing blankly. Seo Jeong-won stared intently at the person holding an excessively large fruit basket and a pink shopping bag. He stood there with a face that was more gaunt than the last time he saw him.
“Um, uh… Hello. How have you been?”
Song Hae-seop came to the bedside, smiled awkwardly, and waved his hand slightly. Seo Jeong-won stirred and slowly sat up.
“Hello, Hyung.”
“…Oh, hello. How’s your body? Are you okay?”
At the worried voice, Seo Jeong-won nodded roughly. He hesitated, wondering if he was asking him to explain his condition, and then opened his mouth.
“I’m okay. How have you been, Hyung?”
“Me? Just the same.”
Song Hae-seop was noticeably flustered, as if he hadn’t expected the question to be returned. His face, as well as his neck, turned red, and he nodded his head out of rhythm. Seo Jeong-won quietly watched him.
“How did you get here…”
He trailed off, not knowing how the question of why he came would sound to him. He must have come here because he had received permission to visit from Kwon Tae-hee or General manager Jung, but he wasn’t actually happy to see him. Did he perhaps come seeking forgiveness? He had said before that he would forgive him once, so was he here to ask him to keep that promise?
“Well…”
Song Hae-seop looked back at the caregiver sitting on one side of the hospital room and smiled sheepishly. Then, he bowed to her.
“I’m sorry, but could you give us some space? It won’t take long.”
Seo Jeong-won’s gaze naturally turned to the caregiver. Although she rarely left the hospital room, she nodded with an awkward expression, as if she was troubled by Song Hae-seop’s polite request. However, she matched eyes with Seo Jeong-won, replying that she couldn’t be out for too long and would be back soon.
“I’m okay.”
The caregiver wore a worried expression at the listless answer, but soon moved her feet.
“Then, please talk comfortably.”
“Thank you.”
Song Hae-seop leaned his body as if seeing her off as she left the hospital room, and only sat on the chair placed by the bed after hearing the sound of the door opening and closing. He scratched his cheek with an awkward expression and looked around.
“The hospital room is really nice. It’s very warm, and higher than I thought.”
“……”
“So, I didn’t come here to look at the hospital room, but the reason I came here is… It’s really hard to bring up the main point. It’s a bit embarrassing.”
At the mumbling words, Seo Jeong-won turned his gaze away from him. It seemed like he was feeling burdened by his too obvious gaze.
“I didn’t properly apologize for being sorry. So, I came. I asked General manager Jung about the hospital and the hospital room. Did I only think about myself too much? Are you perhaps uncomfortable?”
“……”
“I kept thinking that I should ask Jeong-won if it was okay for me to come first, but I didn’t think I would get permission…”
At the increasingly smaller voice, Seo Jeong-won matched his gaze again, which he had been avoiding. Song Hae-seop flinched and wiggled his butt as he sat.
“You said that back then, Hyung. To forgive you just once for anything.”
“Huh?”
“Actually, it doesn’t seem like it was that big of a mistake to apologize like that…”
Seo Jeong-won now thought that those things really didn’t matter. He did feel betrayed when he found out everything, but when he thought about it, Song Hae-seop was also in a position where he couldn’t refuse. Even though he had told him to come find him, helping him escape wasn’t as easy as it sounded.
“So, don’t worry about it.”
“Jeong-won… What’s wrong? Are you very angry? I’m sorry. There was really no way back then. If I had helped you escape in my own way, I couldn’t have guaranteed Jeong-won’s safety for sure—”
Song Hae-seop instinctively hid the fact that he was threatened by Kwon Tae-hee and moved as he ordered. It was only for a moment, but he judged that this was the best thing to do.
“I’m not angry, I’m really okay. I wouldn’t have been able to live so well if it weren’t for Hyung. So… you don’t have to apologize.”
It wasn’t a lie. He understood Song Hae-seop because the trouble he had caused was also considerable.
“Jeong-won, did something happen to you?”
“I just… I don’t really know what I want to do.”
Song Hae-seop’s expression contorted as he tried to say something, moving his lips. He wasn’t even sure if his advice would be helpful to Seo Jeong-won. So, it was difficult to open his mouth. It felt like he was doing something presumptuous. He was worried about what would happen if Seo Jeong-won got more stressed out after hearing some awkward words, but he couldn’t help but want to interfere.
“Is it because of Hyung?”
“……”
“If Jeong-won were Hyung, would you have made that choice? I think that’s a bit… bad. It may be different for each person, but threatening someone with their life to win their heart. At least that heart isn’t love, is it?”
Song Hae-seop rambled on as he thought of things. It would be nice if he could tell him clearly what Seo Jeong-won was worried about and what was confusing him, but he wasn’t the type to confide in his worries.
“If you’re worried about whether Hyung truly loved Tae-hee… I think you can get some answers by thinking about whether Jeong-won could have done that.”
“……”
“You’re not married, and you’re not even dating. You haven’t committed adultery or cheating, or done anything that deserves to be pointed at, so why are you making it so difficult? It’s okay to be selfish once in a while. No one will criticize you.”
Seeing a more confused face, Song Hae-seop got up from his seat. He regretted saying unnecessary things and apologized for being sorry. Then, he handed over the shopping bag to Seo Jeong-won, who was shaking his head slightly, after fiercely contemplating whether to give it or not. He stared at the hand that was quietly placed without readily accepting it, and then gently placed it on the bed with an awkward expression.
“…I kept feeling bad about being too blunt with Jeong-won at the end. I just…”
“……”
“I was jealous. I was so envious of Jeong-won. This is a baby’s first clothes. I’m sure you’ve already prepared something better, but still… I wanted to buy it for you.”
“I’ll dress him well. Thank you.”
At Seo Jeong-won’s greeting, Song Hae-seop turned his body with a face that was a little lighter. Seo Jeong-won, who was watching his back as he walked away with light steps, sighed quietly. A face that he hadn’t even thought of until now came to mind.
“…Kang Da-hyun.”
That day, the face of Kang Da-hyun, who was smiling and saying let’s go eat something delicious, and the cell phone that he didn’t bring because he was in a hurry to go to the hospital, stirred his head alternately.