By Zephyria 
“Hoo.”
Hae-jun’s gaze had been on the cafe for a while. The people drinking coffee inside looked warm and comfortable. The woman sitting by the window, where the sunlight was pouring in, had even taken off her coat, as if she was hot.
Lee A-gon rummaged through his pockets. One transportation card. Two hundred-won coins. One five-hundred-won coin. That was it. He looked at the price list written on the sign board in front of the cafe. Americano 3,500 won. Cafe Latte 4,500 won….
Lee A-gon clenched the hundred-won and five-hundred-won coins tightly. He wanted to buy Hae-jun a cup of coffee. He really wanted to buy it for him. But he couldn’t.
“Lee A-gon, why are you…….”
Hae-jun looked at Lee A-gon with a surprised face. Only then did Lee A-gon realize that he was crying. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. He was embarrassed.
“Why are you crying? What’s wrong?”
“It’s nothing.”
“It’s not nothing.”
Hae-jun dragged him into the alley. Hae-jun’s face was full of worry.
“Is it because you failed the audition last time?”
“No.”
“Then is it because you got cursed at while working as a PA? They said that’s what PAs are for anyway. To be people’s punching bags.”
“No.”
“Then why?”
“…….”
“Huh? How can I know if you don’t tell me? Why are you crying, A-gon?”
It’s because I’m ugly and stupid. It’s because I’m so lacking and pathetic. I hate myself for not being able to buy Hae-jun a cup of coffee when he’s thirsty. I hate seeing Hae-jun patting his shoulders and looking tired from working part-time until late at night. But what I hate most of all is myself. I hate myself for making Hae-jun suffer.
The tears didn’t stop flowing. Lee A-gon lowered his head.
Hae-jun was too good for him. He had decided to believe in this ugly man who had nothing and even have a baby.
He wanted to repay that deep love. He really wanted to make him happy.
But he only had seven hundred won in his hand. His heart ached so much.
“I’ll do better.”
“You’re already doing well.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Hey, I told you not to apologize.”
Hae-jun hugged Lee A-gon with a warm smile. Lee A-gon buried his face in Hae-jun’s shoulder.
The seven hundred won rattled in his tear-stained hand.
On the way home after catching the profile thief, Hae-jun limped.
“Why is your leg like that?”
“I don’t know. I think I landed wrong when I jumped down earlier.”
I jumped down five steps at once because I thought I’d miss that bastard. I knew it hurt a little when I landed…. Hae-jun answered, rubbing his right leg.
“Let me see.”
“What do you know even if you look?”
Even as he said that, Hae-jun held out his right leg to Lee A-gon. Sitting side by side at the bus stop, Lee A-gon massaged Hae-jun’s leg.
“Ouch, it hurts.”
“I’m sorry. Does it hurt a lot?”
“Um….”
Hae-jun’s face hardened. The fact that Hae-jun, who rarely showed that he was in pain, was hesitating to answer meant that it really hurt.
“Let’s go to the hospital.”
Lee A-gon jumped up and looked around. He had to go to the hospital. He looked around to see if there was an orthopedic clinic nearby.
“What hospital? It’s okay. I just sprained it a little.”
“No. Let’s go to the hospital and get an X-ray.”
“I said it’s okay.”
The two sat at the bus stop and argued for a while. A quarrel broke out between Lee A-gon, who wanted to go to the hospital, and Hae-jun, who said he was fine.
Even though he was in so much pain, Hae-jun kept repeating that he was fine. He said it was just a slight sprain and would get better soon. But Lee A-gon noticed. Hae-jun wasn’t going to the hospital right now because of the money.
It didn’t cost a lot of money to take an X-ray, but they were in a situation where they had to save even the money to buy a cup of coffee.
Just breathing cost a million won. Since they had to be ready for an audition at any time, they couldn’t get a stable job or move to the countryside.
‘Incompetent.’
Lee A-gon gritted his teeth. Stripped of the halo of Umyung, he was just an uneducated twenty-year-old.
Suddenly, he felt angry. He didn’t even know what he was angry about, but he was angry.
‘Should I use my ability?’
Lee A-gon clenched his fist. Could he heal Hae-jun’s leg if he used his ability? But he wasn’t a doctor. He could break Hae-jun’s leg if he wanted to, but he didn’t think he could heal it.
In the end, he needed a doctor. He had to go to the hospital.
Lee A-gon glared at the people passing by near the bus stop with a fierce look. They had money. Hae-jun was reluctant to even go to the hospital because he didn’t have money. If he could just take a little of their money, Hae-jun could get treatment.
At that moment, Hae-jun pulled on Lee A-gon’s sleeve.
“Are you thinking bad thoughts right now?”
“…….”
“Don’t do that.”
“But Hae-jun.”
“It’s really just a slight sprain. It’ll get better if I go home, put on a patch, and sleep.”
A humid breath escaped. Lee A-gon sat down next to Hae-jun and swallowed a painful breath.
“I’m sorry.”
“Why are you always apologizing?”
“Because I’m not capable…….”
Because I’m uneducated, incompetent, and ugly.
And yet I want to start a family with Hae-jun.
“I’m sorry, Hae-jun.”
“I told you not to apologize.”
Hae-jun bumped his forehead against Lee A-gon’s forehead. A tear flowed silently.
“Hae-jun, let’s just.”
Just as Lee A-gon was about to speak, the bus arrived. Hae-jun stood up, limping. Lee A-gon supported Hae-jun.
Fortunately, there were seats on the bus. Sitting next to Hae-jun, Lee A-gon thought to himself. Hae-jun, shouldn’t we just give up everything? Shouldn’t we leave Seoul, find a small house, and live together? Then I can take care of you all by myself. You don’t have to work so hard.
Shouldn’t we just do that? Huh……?
When the set time came, the curtains automatically opened. As the morning sunlight poured in through the front window, Lee A-gon groaned and opened his eyes.
“…….”
Lee A-gon, who had raised his upper body, didn’t move for a while, clutching his forehead. He felt bad because he had seen Hae-jun in his dream. And it was Hae-jun in his most helpless days.
After crouching for a while, Lee A-gon soon kicked off the blanket roughly and got up. It was time to start the day.
Breakfast was a shake. It didn’t taste good, but the ratio of nutrients was perfect for building muscle. Lee A-gon gulped down the shake in one go and threw the empty container into the sink carelessly.
After washing his face briefly, he went down to the basement of the villa. There was a fitness center for the residents. Lee A-gon did some light exercises and then started working out.
“I told you. You have to wash twice a day. You have to wash your hair and shave. You have to use a spoon and fork when you eat. You have to change your clothes if they get dirty.”
“If you don’t eat, you can’t touch your little thing at night. If you don’t wear clothes, you can’t touch your little thing at night. Do you want to touch hyung’s little thing? Then go wash up.”
“If we have a baby. Then I’ll marry you. Okay. Then let’s do it in a way that makes a baby today.”
Bang. Lee A-gon put the dumbbell down on the floor as if throwing it. The other people working out together were startled and looked at Lee A-gon. Lee A-gon didn’t even look at them and got on another machine. And he continued to work out as if nothing had happened.
Eleven o’clock. Lee A-gon, who had returned home, took a shower. Then Hae-jun’s voice was heard again. I told you. You have to wash twice a day. You have to wash your hair and shave…….
Lee A-gon stopped what he was doing while applying shampoo to his hair. Every time he put on, took off, washed, or ate, Hae-jun’s voice was played in his head. You can’t do this, Lee A-gon. Don’t spill it, Lee A-gon, stop crying, Lee A-gon.
And then the words that followed.
You want to be my husband? You want to have a baby too? If a baby is born and the dad is unemployed, how embarrassing would that be? If we have a baby. Then I’ll marry you.
When he came to his senses, his fist was bleeding. Lee A-gon looked at the shards of glass stuck in his hand. He broke the mirror again. This was the fifth time. Or was it the sixth time? He couldn’t even remember the number of times. Anyway, it wasn’t something to worry about because it would be fixed perfectly when he came back after going out. He pulled out the shards of glass from the back of his hand with a nonchalant face.
By the time he had finished drying his hair, the wound on his hand had healed. Lee A-gon lightly clenched and unclenched his hand. The outside had healed, but the inside still hurt. Of course, this was also a pain that would disappear by the afternoon.
Before going out, Lee A-gon had lunch. The meals prepared by the maids were neatly arranged in the refrigerator. All he had to do was heat them up and he was done.
After finishing a meal with a perfect ratio of nutrients, Lee A-gon looked at his cell phone. He had received a text message from Manager Oh saying that a new manager would be coming from today. It was already the fourth manager in a month.
The moment he recognized the passage of time, his solar plexus felt tight. A month. It had already been that long since he broke up with Hae-jun.
Lee A-gon vividly remembered that moment.
The filth that was inside the skin of the most beautiful being in the world.
The wings of the wart that had grown on the back of the person he had worshiped.
He thought he loved him. He believed without a doubt that they had the same feelings, but it was actually an insult and a humiliation. The moment he knew the painful truth, Lee A-gon’s heart was torn apart.