By Zephyria 
“Though we don’t have a religion, it’s a day celebrating Jesus’s birth. Merry Christmas. On a day like today, people meet with loved ones, cut cake, and drink wine.”
“Then what… should we do?”
“Well. Shall we make a wish?”
“What kind…?”
“Anything. Whatever you want.”
“I…”
Lee A-gon looked into Park Hae-jun’s eyes for a long time. Until Park Hae-jun started to feel a little strange.
“I want to… be with you.”
“What kind of wish is that? Wishes are for things you want to become in the future or dreams. Don’t you have anything like that, Lee A-gon?”
“Hmm? Tell me. Anything is fine.”
When Park Hae-jun gently coaxed him, Lee A-gon gathered his courage and said, “Being with… you.”
“…”
“I want to be with you.”
“…”
“Hyung, me… and…”
Lee A-gon raised himself up unsteadily. His large, dark pupils trembled slightly. “Please go out with me.”
“What?”
“I want to date you. Please… date me, hyung.”
Park Hae-jun was a bit taken aback by the unexpected request. He wondered if perhaps Lee A-gon misunderstood what “dating” meant. It seemed entirely possible with Lee A-gon.
He shook his head at Lee A-gon, who was looking at him with yearning eyes while visibly tense. He wanted to believe it was a misunderstanding.
“…First of all. Lee A-gon.” When Park Hae-jun called his name in a careful voice, Lee A-gon’s face contorted. He seemed to anticipate rejection.
“Lee A-gon, listen.”
“Hng.”
Lee A-gon’s eyes turned reddish. He looked like he might cry at any moment.
Park Hae-jun sighed, “Do you even know what dating means?”
“I… know.”
“What would you know, little one?”
“I know. Dating is, dating… means hugging and kissing… sleeping… together.”
“…”
“What we, what you… already do… for me. We’re already… doing it… aren’t we?”
“Lee A-gon.”
“Then why… can’t we? Do you dis…like it? You and I kiss… every day. You hug… me. Sleep in… the same… bed.” Lee A-gon tried to speak slowly but clearly. He earnestly explained that he knew what dating meant. “Then why aren’t we dating? Why not…?”
“Hey, I didn’t say we can’t.”
“But you not will.” Lee A-gon shot back.
Park Hae-jun was inwardly amazed at Lee A-gon’s vocabulary. Now he even knew how to talk back.
“Hyung.”
“Yes.”
“Why do you… dislike… dating me?”
“…”
“Is it because I… I’m too.” Lee A-gon swallowed hard, suppressing his tears. “Ugly…?”
“What?” Park Hae-jun asked in astonishment.
At that, the tears welling in Lee A-gon’s eyes spilled over. He roughly wiped his eyes with his forearm. He seemed to find crying beneath his dignity.
“Lee A-gon, is that what you think? That I dislike you because you’re ugly?”
“Y-you.” Lee A-gon bit his lower lip firmly and then released it, speaking as if indignant. “You said… it. That I’m ug…ly. You called me… dum…my. Ugh, uh. You… said so.”
After saying that much, Lee A-gon finally began to cry audibly. His shoulders heaved greatly. He tried to stop crying, perhaps thinking it made him look bad, but the overwhelming sorrow wouldn’t let him stop easily.
“It’s because I’m ugly… I know. You’re so… cool. And I’m not, right? You can fix bi…cycles… have bulging… forearms… while I’m ug…ly.”
He seemed excited, making even more mistakes with his particles than usual. Tears streamed down. As if he wasn’t already unattractive enough, his appearance was becoming even more so.
It shouldn’t be funny, but it was a little amusing. And cute.
“Ah, really.” Park Hae-jun looked up at the sky for a while, then lowered his head. “Dum… no, Lee A-gon, look at me.”
Lee A-gon buried his face between his bent knees and sobbed loudly.
“That doesn’t mean you’re ugly. ‘Dummy’ was a kind of term of endearment. I’m sorry. I didn’t know you’d hate it so much. I won’t call you that anymore.”
“Term of endear…ment?”
“Yes, a term of endearment. Like a nickname used between close people.”
“Then…” Lee A-gon raised his head slightly. Some expectation glazed his reddened eyes. “Was it a… lie? I’m not ugly?”
“…”
“Am I… pretty?”
‘Ah. So the conversation has come to this.’
Park Hae-jun couldn’t bring himself to answer “yes.”
Lee A-gon’s face contorted again as he read the negative answer in Park Hae-jun’s evasive gaze and troubled expression.
Tears flowed silently before swelling at the tip of his chin. He looked truly hurt.
Park Hae-jun sighed inwardly. ‘This is bad. How do I fix this?’
“Lee A-gon, I, that is, what I mean is…” Park Hae-jun tried to somehow salvage the situation but couldn’t continue.
He knew it too. That he should tell Lee A-gon he was pretty in this situation. That he should comfort him with flattery if necessary.
But he simply couldn’t say those words. Because Lee A-gon was truly ugly. He was so extremely ugly that it would be beyond a white lie—he was not just ugly but even frightening!
Though much improved, in terms of beauty, Lee A-gon was still very unattractive. His face was small, but the features crowded into it all protruded, making them overwhelming. His skin was white, but not the white of jade or pearl, but rather… the white of a plucked raw chicken.
And what about his neck? It looked like the neck bone of a chicken that comes with an order. And how thin his legs were. Like severed chicken feet.
In short, he looked like a chicken. Not a peacock, not a dove, just a chicken. And a plucked one at that.
When Park Hae-jun, who had been muttering “I, well, what I mean is…” finally closed his mouth helplessly, Lee A-gon sobbed loudly.
Park Hae-jun just stared at the distant sky. Is it worth crying this much over one rejection? Looking like that, who did he think would accept him? He would continue to be rejected by countless people in the future, and if he cried like this each time, what would happen?
“Yes, it’s true. Lee A-gon, you are ugly.”
In the end, Park Hae-jun told the truth. What could he do? You can’t call a deer a horse. A deer is a deer, you are you, and you are ugly.
“But you weren’t always ugly. We watched the drama, right? Actually, you were born with a very pretty face, but it became like this because you didn’t take care of yourself.”
At those words, Lee A-gon stopped crying.
“A pre…tty face?”
“Yes, you definitely were born with a pretty face. But after not eating properly and doing drugs, you ended up ruined like this.”
Lee A-gon opened his mouth and groaned softly. He seemed shocked.
“When I first saw you as a child, I thought you were a girl. That’s how pretty you were. Like a baby angel from a religious painting. Of course, not now. Not now. You’re ugly now. No, no, don’t cry, just listen. I’m not finished. Think about it, Lee A-gon. You were originally pretty and handsome, right? That means that with a little care, you could find your old face again.”
Lee A-gon abruptly stopped crying. He looked at Park Hae-jun with widened eyes.
“Really…?”
“That’s right.” Park Hae-jun emphasized firmly. “Trust me. If you never do drugs again and gain about 10 kilos, no, 20 kilos… no, about 30 kilos, then you can definitely become pretty like before.”
It was a lie.
“Wow.”
Lee A-gon wiped away the tear marks firmly with the back of his hand, then smiled broadly, his face brightening. With newfound hope, his eyes sparkled.
“Hyung, I’ll… become… pretty.”
“Yes.”
‘Though I’m not sure if it’s possible.’
“Hyung, I… for you… will become… pretty. So. So definitely… I will date you.”
“…”
Lee A-gon’s words were conveyed wordlessly. Park Hae-jun chuckled. ‘Date me? Well, fine. It’s good to aim high.’
“Let’s go home now, Lee A-gon.”
Already an hour had passed since they left home. Since it would take quite some time to get back, he thought they should leave now.
“Can’t we stay… a little longer?”
“No. You have a weak body.”
“Still…”
“Tut-tut. Do you want to get a fever like before? Want to lose consciousness with a fever of 45 degrees?”
“No.”
“Then let’s go home now.”
Lee A-gon became dejected, but when coaxed with words about going home, eating quickly, and becoming pretty, he obediently followed Park Hae-jun.
On the way back, Park Hae-jun didn’t let Lee A-gon ride on the bicycle. He couldn’t put a weak person on a bicycle with broken brakes.
Of course, since it didn’t matter for himself, Park Hae-jun rode the bicycle alone. Lee A-gon said he wanted to ride on the bicycle too for convenience, but Park Hae-jun firmly refused.
“No. You have a weak body. It would be terrible if there was an accident.”
Park Hae-jun rode the bicycle, and Lee A-gon followed on foot beside him, panting. From about halfway, he seemed to think something was odd, but he didn’t argue with Park Hae-jun’s words.
∞ ∞ ∞
Until the New Year, Park Hae-jun spent the most peaceful time in his life. Every day, he went outside with Lee A-gon for an hour to ride bicycles, make snowmen, or have snowball fights.
One day, he found a Polaroid camera on a shelf. Park Hae-jun took pictures of Lee A-gon with it. Each time a photo was taken, Lee A-gon would approach with expectant eyes, only to be repeatedly disappointed when he saw his face. It seems even he didn’t find himself pretty.
Lee A-gon greatly increased his food intake. Though “greatly” just meant changing from picking at two meals a day to a normal diet of three meals. He also received tonics for weight gain from Secretary Yang. He drank a liter of milk every day.
Eventually, it became too much. Lee A-gon, suffering from overeating, again had a fever of 42 degrees. Park Hae-jun turned pale, thinking Lee A-gon might die.