By Zephyria 
The gentle breeze turned cold. The November sun was short. Lee A-gon carefully placed Hae-jun’s foot down and covered his body with a blanket.
“Hyung’s birthday is soon, isn’t it? Is there anything you want for your birthday present?”
“No.”
“Don’t say that. Tell me. I’ll buy you anything.”
“No. I only need you.”
Hae-jun hugged Lee A-gon. His chest fluttered with unease.
In the past, he had toyed with Lee A-gon’s feelings for his own purposes. Although it was done for his treatment, that treatment was actually for himself. Lee A-gon had been deeply hurt by that incident, and they had broken up.
He never wanted to do something like that again. He didn’t want to create a situation that could be misunderstood. Hae-jun emphasized that he wanted nothing. All he wanted from Lee A-gon was love and affection.
“If you think of something later, please tell me. I’ll do anything.”
“I don’t need anything. I only need you.”
Hae-jun shook his head firmly. Lee A-gon urged him to tell him later if he thought of anything.
“Is this really the last time you’re going down?”
“Yes, just two more additional filming sessions and it’s over.”
Filming for
With a request to tell him if there was anything he wanted to eat, as he would be back soon, Lee A-gon left the house.
The nights spent alone were lonely.
Hae-jun, who tossed and turned pointlessly and finally fell asleep near dawn.
The next morning, he woke up to an unusually damp feeling on his chest.
Bewildered, Hae-jun took off his clothes and discovered milk flowing from his nipples, letting out a frantic scream before falling off the bed.
Even after falling to the floor, Hae-jun continued to scream. Hae-jun’s mind snapped awake with a sharp sound.
∞ ∞ ∞
Click, click. Fingers nervously tapped the laptop keyboard. Hae-jun swallowed and continued his search.
Male chest milk discharge
Male chest milk
Male milk
Male hormone imbalance milk secretion
Fortunately, there were other men in the world who experienced the same symptoms as Hae-jun. Men who secreted milk when their nipples were stimulated, men who secreted milk as a side effect of medication, and so on.
However, Hae-jun didn’t feel that their symptoms were the same as his.
He glanced at his chest. Dark, rice-water-like droplets were leaking. This was unmistakably milk. It wasn’t a secretion or a side effect of medication.
He felt the taste of blood from his thumb, which he was gnawing on. Hae-jun clenched his fist and rocked his body back and forth. It’s okay. It’s not what I think. It’s just my body feeling a bit unwell. He kept talking to himself.
In a corner of the monitor, there was a pregnancy category. Staring at the words, Hae-jun slowly reached out and clicked. Immediately, a page about early pregnancy symptoms appeared.
In early pregnancy, you may lose your appetite. You might experience nausea or vomiting. Sometimes, you might crave foods you never wanted to eat before. This phenomenon is called ‘morning sickness’ or ‘food cravings.’
(……)
You may feel pain in your lower abdomen. This is a natural symptom caused by the uterus expanding to make space for the growing baby.
(……)
Mood swings occur. You become irritable and anxious for no reason.
At this time, many pregnant women feel greatly upset with their husbands over trivial matters. This can be another manifestation of anxiety, so it’s important to process negative emotions through conversation. However, mood swings that are not excessive are a natural part of pregnancy, so don’t worry too much and…
“No appetite. Morning sickness. Lower abdominal pain. Irritation. Depression. Sadness. … Mood swings.”
Hae-jun gnawed on his thumbnail again. He could no longer taste blood. He read the words on the monitor three times.
They all matched his symptoms.
Hae-jun, who had been rocking back and forth in a daze, closed his laptop and stood up. He was tired of just worrying in an uncertain situation.
He felt he couldn’t keep going on like this. He decided to go to the hospital.
The problem was, which hospital to go to.
He went outside, but there was nowhere to go. Hae-jun hovered in front of the obstetrics and gynecology building for about 30 minutes. It took another 20 minutes to enter the building and get into the elevator, and another 10 minutes to open the hospital door and walk in.
“First time here? Please fill this out.”
When he mustered the courage to approach the desk, a nurse handed him a registration questionnaire. Hae-jun, intimidated by the thought of anyone seeing it, wrote his name and resident registration number in tiny letters.
“Excuse me, you need to fill it out for the patient.”
After completing the questionnaire and handing it over, he tried to escape to a corner seat, but the nurse stopped Hae-jun. Flustered, Hae-jun asked, “Yes?”
“You need to write the patient’s own name and resident registration number here.”
“……That I am the patient……”
Hae-jun, about to answer that he was the one who would be seeing the doctor, bit his lip. His face immediately turned bright red. The nurse seemed to think that Hae-jun, a man, had come to register on behalf of the patient.
“Are you a guardian?”
Hae-jun slowly backed away and slipped out of the hospital. He felt the gazes of people looking at him with confusion. He didn’t even press the elevator button. He ran down to the first floor.
‘What should I do now?’
Haa. Haa. Hae-jun, now far from the hospital, gasped for breath. He couldn’t bring himself to go to the obstetrics and gynecology department. So where should he go and what tests should he get?
The inside of his padded jacket was damp. Even though he wore two layers of t-shirts and a thick sweatshirt, his milk was leaking. It was fortunate it was winter. Otherwise, he might not have been able to come out at all.
Looking around with a sense of despair, Hae-jun spotted a pharmacy and a thought suddenly struck him. It was that you could find out if you were pregnant at a pharmacy.
He hesitated, then opened the pharmacy door and went in. He felt strangely timid when he asked for a pregnancy test, but the kind pharmacist handed him one without any suspicion. Hae-jun put the test in his pocket and returned home.
“After sufficiently wetting the urine, place it on a flat surface. If two lines appear, you are pregnant……”
Even though he knew no one was home, Hae-jun locked the bathroom door. As he tore open the test kit packaging with trembling hands, he thought this was madness. What was he doing? He was a man. It was all Lee A-gon’s fault. He kept talking about pregnancy, so Hae-jun was getting anxious for no reason.
He placed the test, now wet with urine, on a flat surface and waited. The instructions said the results would appear in about 3 to 5 minutes. Hae-jun clasped his hands together in front of him and waited for that time.
Finally, the first line appeared. Hae-jun gritted his teeth and squeezed his clasped hands tighter.
Another 5 minutes passed. Hae-jun stared at the test. It looked like one line. But he thought he could faintly see something. Was it because he was staring for too long? Or was he going crazy?
After waiting another 10 minutes, Hae-jun rubbed his tired eyes and hid the test before leaving the bathroom. He couldn’t ask anyone if it looked like one line or two. He briefly thought of online communities, but from past experiences, Hae-jun knew asking anything there would be useless.
He wanted to ask anyone. About whether this was even possible. He needed someone who knew him and Lee A-gon well.
‘Seo Ji-hoon.’
Then, like a light turning on, Seo Ji-hoon’s name came to mind. Hae-jun quickly dialed Seo Ji-hoon’s number on his phone. It was a number he had saved when they were filming a movie but had never called before.
After a moment, a recorded robotic voice played. The number you have dialed is no longer in service. Please check the number and try again.
‘The number changed?’
Hae-jun became dejected. If the number had changed, he had no way to contact him.
‘No. Ah-reum noona.’
Fortunately, they had a mutual acquaintance. Hae-jun quickly called Jin Ah-reum.
― Hello?
Fortunately, Jin Ah-reum answered on the first try.
“Noona, is this a good time to talk?”
― Yeah. But I have to hang up soon. What’s up?
Her voice was very hushed, as if she were on set. Hae-jun lowered his voice accordingly.
“Do you have Seo Ji-hoon’s phone number?”
― Yeah. I do. Hold on. I’ll give it to you. Oh-one-oh, three-five-seven…….
“That’s not his number, noona. His number changed.”
― Really? Then I don’t know it either?
“Haa.”
Not here either. Hae-jun sighed.
― That’s strange. I was able to contact him until recently. Is it urgent?
“Yes. A bit.”
― Then I know where he’s filming. Should I tell you?
“Yes!”
― Wait a minute. I’ll text you the address.
Shortly after hanging up with Jin Ah-reum, the address arrived. Hae-jun replied with thanks and took off his clothes.
He had to take proper measures since he had to go far. He couldn’t go to meet Seo Ji-hoon with milk leaking down his chest.
Seo Ji-hoon was filming another independent film in Suwon. It was a dilapidated lodging he had rented through Airbnb, and the interior was clearly visible as they were still preparing for filming. The calendar hanging on the walls made of dark brown wood panels showed the date as 1995.
“What brings you here?”
Seo Ji-hoon looked bewildered to see Hae-jun appear without any prior notice. Hae-jun gestured timidly for him to come outside.
“Just a moment. A friend is here.” Seo Ji-hoon, after a brief apology, came down the stairs. He held a cigarette in his hand. It seemed he was planning to take a smoke break while he was at it.
“How did you know to come here? Was it Ah-reum noona?”
“His number changed?”
Hae-jun got straight to the point. He didn’t have time for idle chatter with Seo Ji-hoon. He had already received two calls from Lee A-gon on his way here. The first time, he lied and said he was home, and the second time, he lied and said he was out alone to watch a movie and would turn off his phone. He had to get home quickly.
“Oh, yeah. Did you call?”
Seo Ji-hoon avoided his gaze and lit his cigarette. An awkward silence followed. Hae-jun had a feeling he was evading the question, but that wasn’t important right now.
“You asked me if I knew what Lee A-gon’s ability was, right? Why?”