By Zephyria 
It was a word he had managed to utter with difficulty. And with that, silence fell. In the stillness where the air seemed to float, only the gaze staring intently continued for a long time. It was an utterly blank look. Yeon-jun remained silent for quite a while. Even though he had finally heard the words he had longed for.
Then, at some point. When he glanced sideways again at the unresponsive reaction, the eyes he met widened sharply. Like someone belatedly realizing the situation.
“You’re asking me to date you?”
At the question that finally cut through the air and landed accurately, Eun-ha quietly pressed his lips into a straight line. The expression ‘dating’ felt very awkward, and as if it wasn’t something appropriate for him to take.
Yeon-jun stared at that unsettling blank expression for a while longer, blinking, then slowly, very slowly, pulled up the corners of his lips. A dim strange light gradually filled his pupils. It was a change that seemed like a process of moving blankly from doubt to certainty.
Then, in an instant, his upper body was pulled away. In the blink of an eye, Yeon-jun had tucked Eun-ha into his arms. Buried without a gap, Eun-ha had to be trapped in the pressure of his whole body being squeezed tightly. It was a feeling of being overly constricted, and he was about to push him away.
“Hyung…”
A voice filled with emotion pierced his eardrums. From the arms that tightly hugged his back and waist, something like vague joy was conveyed. He didn’t know what to say, so he seemed to be just putting in strength first.
In an instant, strength drained from his entire body. Like a person standing in front of an aimed gun, Eun-ha, who had lost his will in an instant, drooped his shoulders. …What should he do?
“…I can’t breathe.”
Instead, he muttered softly, and the arms loosened slightly. Then he bent his neck and buried his face in his shoulder. He rubbed his cheek as if acting spoiled. Rather than containing any intention, it was simply a gesture that originated from his pure heart. So a hollow laugh escaped. Really, not even a child…
“Is it real? Is it real? Really? You really want to date me?”
“…You understood, why are you asking so much?”
“No, I can’t believe it…”
His voice trembled slightly at the end. Eun-ha rested his chin on Yeon-jun’s shoulder and thought habitually. Could he be that happy? What am I? How did he end up liking me so much? Why me…?
As he continued to think like that, a weak breeze leaked through his teeth. It always seemed to be like that. He kept laughing absurdly and was constantly robbed of his will. Perhaps it was because he was such a transparent person. If he looked listless, he would be concerned, and if he looked happy, he would feel empty, and he would wonder if it was okay.
He likes me this much, what more can I do? What can I do? That helpless feeling.
“Why suddenly? How did it happen?”
“…I don’t know.”
Eun-ha quietly lowered his eyes. Still with a look that had no conviction. As if he didn’t know.
Yeah. He still didn’t know. Whether this was the right choice. Whether he was doing the right thing. Whether it was okay to do this. He couldn’t know any of it, and he wasn’t confident either. Of course. It was a situation that was completely unplanned. Everything now.
At the same time, he felt very ridiculous himself. It was only yesterday that he had vowed that they would never meet.
However, that wasn’t a feeling. It was literally a vow. So, it meant that his inner heart had been consistently like that for quite some time. He had just been ignoring it.
“…It’s just. The situation has become like this, and I don’t think I can continue to live like before, it wouldn’t be right for you.”
“…”
“Yesterday was, I did wrong to you. So…”
Because I’m weak to kind people. Because you’re too kind.
Every day, I don’t know what to do with you, who wants me to sleep well.
Without any shame or conscience, I keep wanting to rely on that.
He decided to keep his true feelings a secret. Partly because it was a shameless act, but more than that.
Because the moment you say anything out loud, it takes on a clear form.
He felt like he wouldn’t be able to handle it himself if he said it. Right now, he did. He didn’t want to pour out his heart more than necessary for fear of future troubles. He wanted to stand a little further away and observe. By doing so, he wanted to believe.
That he liked him, but it wasn’t a very great feeling. That it was a light and small feeling. That it was an emotion in the realm that he could control.
So perhaps, he might be able to have a different kind of relationship than before.
Instead, Yeon-jun pulled away from the rambling answer. He tilted his head slightly to the side and met his gaze. It was an eye containing a reproach close to teasing.
“Because you’re sorry?”
“…”
“You feel guilty about yesterday. So you accepted me even though you didn’t want to?”
“…It’s not like that.”
“If it’s not like that, then what is it?”
“…”
“Yes? Hyung. Please answer me.”
What to say. He wanted to pretend he didn’t know, but it wasn’t easy to ignore the urging gaze. Yeon-jun, who lengthened the end of his words, persistently matched his gaze. As if he was thirsty.
“If not, Hyung.”
“…”
“Yes?”
Eun-ha sighed. As if raising both hands and feet.
“…I think I like you too.”
Yeah. Right… Eun-ha, who muttered as if finding the answer himself, let out a hollow breath.
“I think I like you.”
The moment he pronounced it, he thought. It’s still overwhelming. The fact that he likes someone.
Also, the fact that the other person is this kid.
“You think you like me.”
“Why. Do you hate it that much?”
“No.”
Yeon-jun, who answered immediately, sent a blurry gaze. Then he blushed slightly and lowered his head. The gesture of leaning his forehead on his shoulder and burrowing slightly into his arms felt a little sad.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Because I’ll keep liking you more and more in the future.”
“…”
“I’ll really do well.”
“…What are you good at? Don’t say things like that.”
Eun-ha frowned. Because it sounded like he was saying thank you for accepting him.
What came back in response to the stern scolding was the sound of a small laugh that resonated in his throat. Soon, Yeon-jun naturally put his hand in Eun-ha’s side and wrapped his arm around his waist. He hugs him tightly.
“Hug me.”
“…”
“We’re dating now.”
He meant that he wanted to do it together, not just unilaterally. Unlike before.
Eun-ha hesitated and raised his hand. He hesitated again in the air and then put his arm around his back. Yeon-jun remained still for a while without moving, then burrowed deeper into his arms without saying anything. After a long time, he whispered softly.
“My head too…”
This time, he raised his hand without much hesitation. In the silence, he gently stroked the back of his head. Feeling a stable sensation blooming in a corner of his heart, like a well-matched puzzle.
Then, at some point. Suddenly, he sensed that the small breathing he heard was shaking. Eun-ha, who raised one eyebrow in doubt, instinctively pulled his body back. But Yeon-jun didn’t let go. Because Yeon-jun, who had firmly fixed his posture as if he couldn’t do it now, didn’t let go of his body.
But he felt like he knew without having to check. Because the shoulder he was resting his eyes on was getting hot without knowing how to hide it.
“…Yeon-jun?”
“…”
“Yeon-jun.”
“…”
“Are you crying?”
“No…”
Unlike the denial, his voice was moist as if he had drunk water. No. He’s really crying…? In a flustered state, he hurriedly twisted his shoulder. He tried to get out of his arms and examine him, but it was unsuccessful. Because Yeon-jun, who had firmly fixed his posture as if he couldn’t do it now, didn’t let go of his body.
But he felt like he knew without having to check. Because the shoulder he was resting his eyes on was getting hot without knowing how to hide it.