By Zephyria 
He narrowed his eyes at the man who asked if he disliked it as if it were nothing. His gaze followed, searching. How many times had this situation repeated itself? How accustomed was he to this situation that he asked for a sexual relationship as if breathing? As if trying to figure that out.
At the prolonged silence, Eun-ha raised his eyes unhappily. Dissatisfaction slowly rose at the man who didn’t easily give him an answer with his lukewarm attitude. He was the one who wanted to meet first, but now… A string of unrefined resentments filled his head. The destination was set wrong, but there was no way he could recognize it.
Leaning against the hallway wall, Eun-ha, who had been swaying, soon couldn’t wait any longer and changed direction. He couldn’t help it. He easily gave up and began to fumble at his pants. As if looking for something in his pocket. Yeon-jun frowned, realizing what that seemingly unconcerned action meant.
“What are you doing, Hyung.”
“My phone…”
But no matter how much he searched, he couldn’t find the phone he had left at home. He was even more fed up with the thought that nothing was working out. As he blankly chewed on his annoyance with a steadily churning stomach, Yeon-jun, who had been watching as if observing, spat out a word.
“Hyung.”
“Yeah…”
“Do you know you’re being too much?”
A light accusation. Eun-ha looked up at Yeon-jun and thought it was unfair. Why. What. What did I do… You’re the one who’s being too much, not me. You called me. How can you do this after doing that… Of course, it was a complaint that was not at all agreed upon with reason.
“What. What am I…”
“You’re not going to remember again, are you?”
“Does it matter?”
“…”
“So… do you dislike it.”
The second time. At the repeated question, Yeon-jun lowered his eyes with an ambiguous expression. Well… He bit his lower lip and then released it, slightly raising the corners of his mouth.
“To be honest…”
“…”
“It’s not that I dislike it…”
If Eun-ha had been in his right mind, he would have glared fiercely and been angry at the remark. A young one acting so precocious, blah blah blah… He would have nagged and tried to keep his distance. As if it were an act of violating some great taboo…
So he couldn’t help but laugh. Thinking that this was probably the man’s usual appearance. Thinking that this kind of person puts up an Iron Wall against him and acts normally.
Yeon-jun continued lightly.
“I think I’d dislike it if Hyung doesn’t remember.”
Like last time. As he added and briefly recalled the past, Eun-ha showed an even more annoyed expression. He lightly clicked his tongue and staggered closer, fluttering. If that’s the problem, I don’t care, he thought unconsciously, it’s okay if you hate me.
He really didn’t care. Even if you hate me, even if I’m hated, it doesn’t matter, because it’s all okay. Right now.
“I want to sleep with you.”
“…”
“Please.”
Please. Please… I want to sleep with you. I said I want to sleep with you. So please. Eun-ha, dominated by primal desires, mumbled almost pleadingly. There was even a hint of tears in the voice that was mumbling indiscriminately.
At that tearful tone, Yeon-jun finally showed a noticeable change. His pupils, which had hardened as if serious as he examined him closely, began to scan Eun-ha in detail. As if grasping what lay behind the plea.
As he was being observed, Eun-ha blinked slowly and took a step. He reached out his arm towards the man in front of him. Thinking that if he asked this much, he might as well grant it, with his head getting even hotter.
Soon, their lips met again. Fortunately, this time there was no being pushed away. Yeon-jun, who had been sticking his lips together for a long time as if contemplating, finally opened the gap slightly and supported Eun-ha’s waist. He couldn’t bring himself to push away the man who was fluttering his moist eyes and pressing his body against him.
It’s refreshing. That was the feeling he had as soon as he vaguely regained consciousness. It was cozy and moderately warm, and he felt good. A cozy body scent of another person lingered at the tip of his nose. With his consciousness not yet fully intact, Eun-ha thought familiarly. Who is it…
Then he burrowed further into the arms he was buried in. Whoever it was, it didn’t really matter. Spending the morning with someone wasn’t a frequent occurrence, but it did exist occasionally. So there wasn’t a single breeze of wind in his heart. He just wanted to sleep a little longer like this.
The next moment, he should have felt like he was being splashed with cold water.
“Hyung.”
“…”
“Are you awake?”
Instantly, he woke up completely. Eun-ha, who had opened his eyes wide with his head cleared in an instant, stared intently as if glaring at the blocked front. His arms were around his waist, his legs were intertwined, and his face was buried in his chest. In that state, he only rolled his eyes diligently without moving. It took him quite a while to digest who the owner of the voice was. It wasn’t because he didn’t know whose it was. It was the opposite. Because he recognized it as soon as he heard it.
“…”
What on earth is going on? Eun-ha, who had turned pale even in the midst of waking up and being disheveled, let out a breath in embarrassment. As soon as he roughly grasped the situation, curses came out first. He desperately rummaged through his memories in a short time, but there was no way anything would come to mind.
Is it a dream?
It must be a dream. Yeah. There’s no way this is reality…
Just as he was quietly holding his breath because he couldn’t bring himself to face reality, it was as if the other person was wondering why he wasn’t reacting, so he created some distance first. He slightly moved his body away and looked at his face as if checking. Eun-ha, who was defenseless and suddenly met his eyes, had to stiffen rigidly. He didn’t know what to do and met his eyes, then closed them tightly.
After enduring like that for a few seconds, Eun-ha, who had finally given up, sighed and opened his eyes again. His expression naturally distorted at the eyes that always looked at him clearly, as if he was in trouble to death. It was when he barely turned his gaze and got up. He sighed sadly from behind.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t think I’d be like this until morning…”
The sentence that was hesitant and had a blurred ending was not continued further. Eun-ha could easily read the cut-off part. It couldn’t mean that he couldn’t do it due to others. So maybe, because of me. Because I was holding him so tightly that he couldn’t escape…
From what he had learned while spending time with him, Yeon-jun had one habit. A habit of saving his words first when he had to blame others.
Suddenly, the corners of his mouth crumbled. Eun-ha, who let out a chuckle, retorted as if in self-mockery.
“Why are you sorry.”
He even apologizes in this situation. Feeling the sense of helplessness settling heavily in his heart, he turned his gaze out the window. The excessively blue sky was hanging like a painting. The wonderful and bright scenery presented some kind of impulse.
Should I jump…
It seemed like a pretty good method. That’s how much self-loathing was pouring down. Eun-ha, whose self-abuse had reached its limit, roughly chewed on the flesh inside his mouth. Can a person be this terrible? Can he be this much of a son of a bitch… The biggest problem was that he couldn’t remember anything. Because his head was empty, he couldn’t speak rashly.
Because he didn’t know what he had done yesterday. Because he couldn’t guess how far he had gone. After hesitating for a long time, he managed to raise his voice with difficulty.
“I’m sorry, really.”
“…”
“So, this is…”
His throat kept getting choked up. What kind of explanation should I make? Why did I do that? Why me. Even though I knew it was useless, I constantly regretted it.
Fortunately or not, the next thing he heard was a refreshing voice.
“I know. Drunken behavior.”
“…Yeah.”
“You don’t remember anything, do you.”
The plain tone pricked his conscience. Eun-ha opened his lips and then closed them tightly. He fussily swept back his bangs.
“…Did anything happen yesterday?”