By Zephyria 
Yeon-jun’s apartment was on the 12th floor. Eun-ha lived on a lower floor, so he prepared to get off the elevator first.
He was standing in front of the door, about to step out through the opening, when a hand grabbed his wrist from behind.
“Good night, Hyung.”
He was going to say goodbye after getting off.
“…Yeah. You too.”
“What number is it?”
“Why do you need to know?”
“I’m not planning anything. Just in case.”
What could possibly happen? Instead of arguing twice, Eun-ha answered. It wasn’t exactly a secret anyway. How many people had come and gone from this place?
He’d even thrown away his pride to tell him that, but the fact that things had turned out this way was regrettable.
“806.”
He was about to leave the elevator when Yeon-jun didn’t let go of his wrist. Rather, he gripped it again, so this time Eun-ha turned around completely. He was about to ask why again, when Yeon-jun spoke.
“You’ll be able to sleep well, right?”
Eun-ha raised his eyebrows. He thought it was a strange question. Furthermore, a slightly annoying question.
“Or what?”
“Earlier… I thought you said you hadn’t been sleeping well for a few days.”
He hadn’t forgotten the story he’d let slip during dinner. Eun-ha replied blandly.
“That was just to get you out of here.”
“…Get me out?”
“Yeah. To make you run away.”
“I was just worried about Hyung.”
“……”
“You can sleep, right?”
“That’s what I’m saying… Stop talking nonsense. Yeon-jun.”
He tried to force a smile, but only a twisted voice came out. He realized he was being prickly only after he said it, but he didn’t try to smooth it over. It was true that he didn’t like it.
This kind of concern wasn’t something Yeon-jun should be saying to him. It was as if he was the one being taken care of.
The hand wrapped around his wrist slowly released. Eun-ha got off the elevator, composed himself briefly, and looked at Yeon-jun, giving a short greeting.
“Goodbye.”
Yeon-jun, who was leaning against the side of the elevator with a thoughtful expression, widened his eyes slightly, as if replying a beat late. With that, Eun-ha took a step.
As soon as he opened the front door, the dark interior came into view. He turned on the lights and dragged himself to the sofa, collapsing onto it. Eun-ha checked the time on his phone. It was past 10 o’clock. It had taken him 40 minutes to arrive at a distance that would normally take 20 minutes on foot. He recalled the moment just before, when he had been walking slowly and constantly sharing trivial stories, and then closed his eyes.
He was tired. He felt like he could fall asleep right away. Had he slept three hours today combined? Two hours in the early morning, and one hour as a nap after coming back from work in the morning…
After a while, Eun-ha suddenly got up from his seat as his sleepiness faded and his mind became clear. He washed up, changed into his pajamas, and dried his hair. He sat on the bed and checked some of the messages he had missed. He fiddled with his phone for a while longer before putting it on the bedside table.
He turned off all the lights, carefully closed the dark curtain, and lay down on the bed. The mattress, famous for helping with sleep, wrapped around his body comfortably like a wave.
Eun-ha, who had bought a cozy blanket that was also said to help with sleep, pulled it up to his neck and closed his eyes comfortably.
Perfect darkness. Perfect silence.
How much time had passed in that?
After lying with his eyes closed for a long time, Eun-ha suddenly threw off the blanket. He glared at the black void as if it were his enemy, and then let out a frustrated sigh. He pulled out his phone and checked the time. 1:38 AM. He had laid down to sleep around midnight.
“Haa…”
He put his arm over his forehead and tried to close his eyes a little more. He knew very well that it wouldn’t change anything. Resigning himself, he opened his eyes again and checked the time, it was 2 o’clock.
Eun-ha, who was lying on his side, flapped his limbs wrapped in the blanket. It was a tantrum full of spite. A sharp, cynical laugh burst out.
‘You’ll be able to sleep well, right?’
There was no way he could sleep well.
He was tired. It felt like there were grains of sand in his eyelids. But he couldn’t fall asleep. As soon as he tried to fall asleep, his mind became clear. He was rejected, as if expelled from his subconscious. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get past the semi-sleep state. It was his daily life.
Always, Eun-ha’s nights were excessively long.
He was aimlessly fiddling with his phone in the dark when he finally got out of bed. He was too awake, so he thought he might watch a movie. He would lower the volume, lie down in a comfortable position, watch it, and then fall asleep without even realizing it.
He went out to the living room, grabbed some snacks from the snack basket, and sat down on the sofa. He turned on a movie set in space and lay down. He covered himself with a blanket, hugged a cushion, and stared blankly at the TV screen with the light seeping out.
He closed his eyes for a while, then opened them again and stared blankly at the screen, repeating the process.
At 3 o’clock, he made a crying face and ate some snacks, and at 4 o’clock, he felt so frustrated and suffocated that he threw off the blanket he was covering himself with. He buried his face in the cushion and let out a hot breath like a sob.
And when it was 5 o’clock, Eun-ha was immersed in an indescribably blurry and exhausted feeling, thinking chaotically.
“……”
Should I ask him to sleep with me?
Would it be a problem? Would it be that big of a problem? They’ve already slept together once anyway. He said it earlier too, didn’t he? That he didn’t care… Of course, that was just some ridiculous nonsense that a kid was spouting without thinking, and he actually scolded him not to be ridiculous.
But maybe I’m the one who really doesn’t care. A person has to sleep, right? People have to sleep at night.
I even know where he lives. If I go down there and knock on the door…
“You crazy bastard…”
Eun-ha, who suddenly came to his senses, rubbed his dry eyes.
He was sick of it. He wanted to cry.
He wanted to cry, and then he fell asleep around 6 o’clock as if he had fainted.
He woke up to the sound of an alarm tearing his eardrums at 8 o’clock.
He got up groggily from the sofa, where he had fallen asleep, and sat for a long time as if to ward off the sleepiness, before staggering to his feet with his willpower.
He had to go to work. He rubbed his dim eyes and went into the bathroom.
Every day, waking up in the morning. Going to work at the cafe in the morning. Taking care of the plants.
No matter how painful the dawn is, these are the rules that Eun-ha desperately adheres to.
The reason why he obsessively protects his daily life with the determination to rather cut off his own neck if he doesn’t keep them is because he doesn’t have the confidence to resist the aftermath that one slip-up would bring. Because one time would become two times, and two times would become three times.
I’ll only drink until today. I’ll only be like this until today. He lived like that, ruined by alcohol, for two months. After that, he stayed at home for several months, and for about a year after graduating from college, he was only indulged in pleasure, without distinguishing between day and night. Rolling around with someone, living lavishly.
His desire for a picturesque life had disappeared, but he didn’t want to fall back into the worst state like that again. That would be a terrible thing to do to Gu Hae-bin, who had picked up a human being who was lying around like trash and barely made him function as a person.