By Zephyria 
Hmm……. Eun-ha turned away as if feigning disinterest.
“No. There’s no way I would ask Hyung to do something like that… not now. I was about to say I like Hyung, but….”
“Right. I guess… I’m just trash who can only think about that kind of stuff.”
“Stop talking like that.”
Even while flustered, he chided Yeon-jun as if to say that wasn’t right. As if he himself was uncomfortable.
Yeon-jun didn’t know why Eun-ha was telling him not to say that when it was the truth, so a corner of his mind was slightly irritated.
More than that, now that he’d revealed his true colors this much, shouldn’t Eun-ha be disgusted and try to get away from him?
Dragging out the silence, Eun-ha mulled over Yeon-jun’s words for a moment, then let out a puff of air.
He thought it was a pointless suggestion.
“What’s going to change? If we meet ten more times.”
“I wonder.”
“…….”
“Maybe Hyung will start to like me?”
Eun-ha chuckled briefly.
“I guarantee you, that won’t happen.”
“Then there’s no reason you can’t meet me a few more times, right?”
“…….”
“If you’re so sure.”
Eun-ha turned to look at Yeon-jun at the rather provocative tone.
But he couldn’t say anything. He was caught in a self-contradictory trap, because if he refused, it would cause a conflict.
Yeon-jun was buried in the darkness of the night. Eun-ha stared at his face, which had taken on a sharper edge, and his eyes subtly widened.
“You forgot that I said I needed a Sexual relationship?”
Even just mentioning sex made him roll his eyes all over the place.
Just as he was about to feel displeased, Yeon-jun lowered his eyelids deeply as he exhaled a puff of smoke. Then, he slowly lifted them and calmly met his gaze.
His eyes were slightly glazed. Eyes that gave him a strange feeling.
“Actually, I….”
“…….”
“Don’t mind….”
See that.
Eun-ha narrowed his eyes with an incredulous feeling as he sucked deeply on the filter.
Maybe, opening one won’t reveal everything…….
He still couldn’t be an adult.
Tilting his head back, Eun-ha thought with a sense of futility.
‘If you’re so sure.’
If he was so sure. If he was so confident… what problem was there with meeting a few more times? He was annoyed by such a small provocation. He even felt like proving it.
He thought he was being ridiculously childish. A fresh twenty-year-old fearlessly making a reckless bet, and he wasn’t backing down.
But the truth was, he couldn’t refuse. He couldn’t bring himself to say no in front of Yeon-jun, who was waiting for an answer as if he had set a trap. Because Eun-ha truly didn’t care. Whether they met a few more times, or whatever happened between them. It would have no meaning or value to him.
There was no need to act like he had any regrets about a matter that didn’t matter to him. After nonchalantly giving the answer, ‘Go ahead and try,’ and seeing Yeon-jun’s unique, strange light in his eyes, the question, ‘But isn’t ten times a bit much?’ came a beat too late, but trying to change it to five times seemed very pathetic in its own way. So Eun-ha just puffed away at his cigarette. He also thought that whether it was five times or ten times, the result wouldn’t be any different, so it didn’t matter much.
Five times, ten times, or a hundred times.
‘Maybe Hyung will start to like me?’
That could never happen. Thinking about it again, it was a ridiculous thing to say. He really didn’t know anything.
He had lived a promiscuous life, repeating meetings and partings with countless people. Excluding one-off encounters, he had more than ten partners with whom he had maintained a relationship for more than a month. They shared body temperature and a part of their time and space, and sometimes even fell asleep together, mixing their bodies like it was everyday life.
Even in relationships that were virtually no different from dating, except for the emotions, Eun-ha had never been attracted to anyone. He felt human affection and intimacy, but it always stopped there. It had never blossomed into emotions beyond that. Unlike him, he had only been disgusted by seeing partners who showed signs of changing emotions.
He thought they knew each other well, so why were they acting like this? It was annoying. Another frustrating ending had come.
He had broken up with Jeong Tae-geon, whom he had thought was a pretty good match, for the same reason in the end.
So how could things change with just a few meetings?
Eun-ha decided to take it lightly. He thought it was a good method in the end, since the end was definitely set. He was also sorry, as Yeon-jun had said. And it wasn’t like he felt uncomfortable or unpleasant when they were together. He thought it wouldn’t be bad to spend some time together a few times, like playing with a cousin.
Yeah……. That was all he had to do. Then he could end it cleanly and break up. Yeon-jun, who had learned the hard way that there are things in life that cannot be achieved with will and heart alone, would return to where he belonged, and he would go back to his daily life.
If he couldn’t end it cleanly and Yeon-jun kept clinging to him, then he would have a clear reason to refuse. He wouldn’t have any emotional debt left either.
He was walking along, organizing his thoughts. Yeon-jun, who had finished his call, approached from the other side. He apologized for making him wait. Eun-ha nodded indifferently and crossed his arms leisurely. He habitually stroked somewhere on his forearm over the thin fabric and asked.
“Was that your girlfriend from earlier?”
“Earlier……? Ah, right. A female friend.”
“You looked good together.”
After a moment of silence, Yeon-jun turned to look at him. As if he hadn’t noticed the movement at all, Eun-ha stared straight ahead and walked on indifferently, and Yeon-jun frowned as if he had heard something absurd.
“Hyung. She’s just a friend. There hasn’t been a single second in my life when she wasn’t a friend.”
“That’s what I mean, you look better like that. Than you do with me.”
“……Why? I think you look good with Hyung too.”
At the somehow sulky tone, Eun-ha looked up at him this time. Their eyes met, and Yeon-jun, who had been expressionless, suddenly put on a playful look.
“Hyung is handsome too, you know.”
“……You know that’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean?”
“You, does the eight-year age difference not bother you at all?”
He himself had never met someone that much older than him. The most was six years. Even that wasn’t a small gap, Eun-ha thought.
Could it really not bother him at all? Could he really have romantic feelings for me? Is that even possible? What am I lacking? Or is he mistaken……. He was lost in thought.
“I like it…….”
His voice was full of excitement. A voice that genuinely liked it and thought it was beneficial.
At the flushed answer, Eun-ha’s lungs constricted for a moment and he burst out laughing. Seriously, this guy was so ridiculous.
Then Yeon-jun stared back at him and smiled again. Eun-ha was even more dumbfounded. What kind of kid was he? These things were ridiculous and absurd, but on the other hand, he also felt comfortable and amused by these parts. He didn’t know if he was trying to be funny on purpose or what.
“You like older guys?”
“……Maybe?”
Eun-ha nodded. That could be possible……. I like older guys too.
The influence of his first love was mostly responsible for establishing Eun-ha’s taste like that. Because the first person he had feelings for was older.
“Then have you met older guys before?”
“Um…… Yeah.”
“Don’t tell me, you didn’t meet someone eight years older than you back then too.”
“Of course not, Hyung. I was a high school student. Just a senior from the same school…….”
The words that had been flowing out unconsciously suddenly died down. What? Eun-ha, who had stopped in his tracks for a moment, saw Yeon-jun slowly walking ahead as if nothing had happened. Eun-ha stared at the back of his head in disbelief, then hurried to catch up. Yeon-jun, who had noticed, was pretending not to notice by looking in the wrong direction. The corners of his mouth twisted into a hollow laugh.