By Zephyria 
So he had been agonizing over it for a week. He had to refuse, but how could he resolve this situation that had become so twisted that he couldn’t even refuse comfortably because of the debt?
How could he gently persuade this fearless and audacious younger man and send him back to his world without any further hurt…
“Thinking about it, I think you’re right.”
“……”
“I’m sorry. That’s why I’m going to be nice to you today.”
He also felt a bit of skepticism about whether being nice would actually be a good thing in the end… But the truth was, he still felt sorry. Just for today.
“……Today?”
“Yeah.”
“What about after today?”
At the vague question, Eun-ha put down the glass he had been holding as if draping it in his hand. Leaning back slowly, he paused, his eyes fixed on the front. As if carefully organizing his thoughts.
“Yeon-jun.”
At the dry tone that followed, Yeon-jun wrinkled his nose once, blandly. As if he didn’t like hearing his name called that way anymore. He didn’t seem to expect much from what would follow.
“This might sound unpleasant… but I’d rather you were offended.”
“What is it?”
“I don’t do relationships.”
“……”
“Just sex.”
“……”
The gaze that had casually reached him from the word “relationship” immediately scattered vaguely at the next phrase. He was reacting in a flustered way, as if he hadn’t expected that word to come out of nowhere. It was obvious that he had no immunity to the direct subject.
He felt like he had seen this side of him a few times before, but why hadn’t he noticed it then? He was belatedly dumbfounded by his own colored glasses.
Swallowing a hollow laugh that tickled his throat, Eun-ha casually stretched out the main point with an indifferent face.
“All I need is that. A partner, a one-night stand… things like that.”
“……”
“Actually… that’s why I’m not in very good condition today. I’ve been up almost all night for the past few days. No matter how much I lie down, I can’t sleep, so I just stare at the ceiling. And then I barely fall asleep when dawn is almost over. It’s been like that for three or four days now.”
It was the conclusion Eun-ha had reached after much deliberation. If he had to refuse, but couldn’t push you away.
“Because there’s no one next to me.”
“……”
“I’m the kind of person who can only fall asleep and feel satisfied when I’m rolling around with just Anyone, but after what happened with you, I feel a little guilty about wandering around somewhere else.”
Maybe it would be better to put myself down…
“After spending a week cooped up at home like that, I’m really… getting worn out. My head hurts a little too.”
The feeling of shamelessly ruining one’s own face to others was more bearable than he thought.
But feeling a little unpleasant, he turned his gaze out the window of the store. The streets of Daehak-ro at night were as bustling as ever.
“I don’t know what kind of image you have of me in your fantasy… I’m just all that. I’m not very good. That’s all I want and all I desire.”
“……”
“I like things that are light like that. I really don’t want to be in a relationship.”
“Why?”
“……”
“Why don’t you want to be in a relationship?”
Eun-ha turned his head back to Yeon-jun. He just had a curious look on his face.
Over his shoulder, a table suddenly caught his eye. It was a table for what appeared to be a couple. They were holding hands and having an intimate conversation.
Eun-ha looked down at his glass. He put on a dry smile. The answer was simple.
The answer was simple.
“It’s funny.”
The value of what one possesses can only be truly known when it is lost. How important it was, or how useless it was.
For Eun-ha, the feeling of affection towards someone was the latter. It was useless and futile. It was a substance he didn’t need twice in his future life.
Never again.
Even without liking someone, even without someone by your side, you can live without any problems.
But, perhaps because of such feelings, a person might.
“Those kind of… emotional games feel a little funny to me. Of course, I don’t mean that’s how I see other people’s relationships… it’s just how I feel. I don’t know what good it would do. If I decided to do it, then I’d have to worry about a lot of things – and I even feel a little annoyed. And it probably would be in reality.”
“……”
“Troublesome, complicated, annoying…”
“……”
“Compared to that, a relationship with just bodies is convenient, isn’t it? At least you don’t have to think.”
“……”
“You can cut it off at any time.”
Eun-ha lifted the half-empty glass and took a light sip.
“I need that kind of relationship, but you probably don’t want that kind of relationship.”
“That kind of relationship?”
“A relationship where we just have sex.”
“……”
“Want to?”
He said it like a joke. Of course, he wasn’t really asking. It was just meant to scare him. To let him know that he was a low-class person who just made jokes like this.
He said it because he knew it was a proposal that Yeon-jun would never accept.
As if to prove that, Yeon-jun’s brow furrowed slightly.
Had he lost some affection?
He was calmly trying to figure it out. He saw people entering the packed store, looking for empty seats. Recognizing that, they glanced at each other for a moment and began to pack up their things. Eun-ha naturally paid the bill and left the store first.
Outside, night had already fallen. He checked the time and saw that it was well past 9 o’clock. He had been drinking, but it was far less than his limit, so his mind was clear.
As he felt the lukewarm night breeze and habitually rummaged through his pockets, Yeon-jun approached from behind. Eun-ha ignored the presence and moved to the side as if being pulled.
It was as he was entering the alleyway and taking out a cigarette pack.
“I understand that you want to refuse, Hyung.”
“……”
“You don’t have to say that about Hyung.”
It was a soft voice. But Eun-ha somehow felt that the voice was firm.
To the point where he suddenly felt very unsightly.
Eun-ha didn’t raise his head. He fiddled with the cigarette pack and lighter in his hand. Beyond his vision, Yeon-jun’s legs standing across from him were blurred.
So that he wouldn’t focus on that, Eun-ha steadily looked down at the corner of the cigarette pack.
“I understand what you mean too. So Hyung is sorry to me, but in the end, it’s difficult for you. You can’t accept me.”
“Don’t think it’s just because it’s you. I’m just telling you about my values.”
“You met me today because you felt sorry for me.”
“Yeah.”
“And you still feel sorry?”
“……Yeah.”
Probably, a lot. He added quietly. The price for treating an innocent child’s first time like a rag should be at least that much.
As the incident he had pushed to the back of his mind came to mind, Eun-ha felt frustrated and suffocated again, and he wearily put a cigarette in his mouth. It was when he was lighting it.
“But, Hyung.”
A hollow laugh was heard like the wind.
“I think I still like Hyung too much.”
“……’Too much’?”
“It became that way today.”
How did it become that way…
Lamenting, Eun-ha finally raised his eyes and was able to find Yeon-jun standing quite close.
His eyes were reddish, as if he was slightly drunk. His face, which had no particular expression, only had those eyes flickering with an emotion that he couldn’t understand.
“So-.”
“……”
“I won’t cling to you anymore. Hyung.”
Slowly lengthening his words, Yeon-jun, who himself seemed unsure as he spoke, soon sent a somewhat clear gaze.
“Since you’re so sorry, can you just do it with me exactly ten more times?”
In an instant, Eun-ha, who was pondering his words, snorted as if he was puzzled.
“……What, sex?”
“Date… What?”
Their voices overlapped. It wasn’t difficult to understand the cut-off words. Yeon-jun, who had a blank look on his face as if he was grasping what he had heard, soon turned slightly red. Like someone who was simultaneously flustered and dumbfounded.