#199

Seeing Kihelene’s trace after so long, Cullen recalled her from the past. Seeing her, who used to be like a hothouse flower in the palace, knowing nothing, now voluntarily wandering, he felt the passage of time.

Ulli was still kind, but no longer alone. Lasano, Kihelene, and even someone like Junon had changed little by little.

The flow of time, which he hadn’t felt when he was alone with Kiyen, now became palpable. Among people finding their way, he alone felt stagnant, without a destination.

As Cullen quietly looked at the parchment, Ulli continued her explanation.

“After receiving that letter, on our way to the central region, we passed by here and heard rumors. They said a terrifying being, neither Demonic Beast nor human, lived in the mountains. I wondered if it might be Kiyen, so I came here, and indeed, he was here.”

Ulli smiled faintly at Cullen.

“Were you looking for Kiyen?”

“More than that, I thought you might be with Kiyen. Actually, the people accompanying me… aren’t a very good combination for going to find Kiyen, are they?”

Ulli’s gaze shifted to Kihelene’s parchment.

“When I said I was going here, Helen automatically stepped aside. She said it wouldn’t be good for us to meet. I couldn’t do anything about that either.”

Cullen rubbed the words on the parchment. Just as Kihelene had judged, meeting Kiyen again was something he also worried about. Kihelene’s actions towards Kiyen were still vivid in his mind, and he couldn’t guess Kiyen’s reaction if they met.

In fact, Cullen hadn’t expected Kihelene to be alive. Separate from his attempt to save Kihelene at the time, she had lost everything she possessed. The person she loved, the palace she had dedicated her life to, the Empire ruled by her father—none of it remained.

However, apart from a sense of kinship as someone who had experienced loss, Cullen still could not condone Kihelene’s decision. Sacrificing the many for the life of one, and causing Kiyen to endure terrible suffering again, were unforgivable acts for a lifetime.

Even so, Cullen hoped Kiyen wouldn’t kill her. It was partly because he had witnessed Kihelene’s regret and suffering, but also because he didn’t want Kiyen to kill someone again and suffer for it.

But now that he knew Kiyen had been alone from the beginning, Cullen questioned if his own actions had truly been the best.

Suddenly, Kiyen’s words came to mind. Kiyen had said humans always choose their own kind, and he often told Cullen that he was kind to everyone. He desperately wanted to find his own kind. As if everything would change then.

Yet, even with his kin by his side now, he didn’t seem happy. The moments he seemed happy were, rather…

Recalling his eyes, which had smiled softly simply because Cullen was by his side, made his stomach drop. The guilt and fear he felt when he hurt him filled his chest.

Even though the decision he made was clearly for both of them, he felt like he had made the wrong decision for a moment. This was unusual for Cullen, who had always been confident in his actions.

Shaking his head at the scene that complicated his thoughts, Cullen asked Ulli, who was watching him.

“Then what will you do now?”

“I’m going to the central region now. My goal is to close the passage.”

Ulli said as if she had already decided.

“Cullen, what about you?”

“I…”

He had come down looking for something to do in the first place. Ulli was at that destination, so it was right to accompany her.

“I intended to deal with the Demonic Beasts anyway.”

“If it’s for my sake, you don’t have to. You just woke up, didn’t you? You should be resting, not doing this. I came to find you, but I wasn’t going to ask you to come with me. I just wanted to confirm you were alive.”

Ulli asked with a worried expression. Lasano also looked sympathetic. Cullen told Ulli the same thing he had told Lasano.

“The goddess said that human souls return to the continent after a long time. For the sake of the precious people who will return later, I will join the journey.”

There was something in Ulli’s expression that caught, at the mention of precious people. After a moment’s thought, she asked Cullen.

“Then what about Kiyen?”

“……Yes?”

When Cullen asked Ulli to repeat herself, she carefully continued.

“Wasn’t Kiyen the most precious person to you? We’d be glad to have Kiyen’s strength, but if he were to get hurt like this time, would you… be alright?”

Cullen stared at her blankly at the unexpected question. He clenched and unclenched his fist, searching for words.

“……Kiyen and I are no longer in that kind of relationship.”

Even if Kiyen still saw him that way now, it would change soon.

“You don’t have to worry about that. Rather, why are you, Ulli, risking this danger?”

Ulli, who seemed to have something to say to Cullen as he avoided the topic, hesitated before answering his question.

“It’s for my precious people too. I want everyone, including the people of my territory, to live in a world that isn’t hell. Besides, Kihelene and Junon also want to take responsibility for their actions, so I thought it wouldn’t hurt to help. I have the power, you know.”

“You want to help them, even if you might be in danger.”

Ulli shrugged at his words. She tapped the table, then nodded after a long pause.

“At first, I hated everyone around me. Lasano, who put you in danger, Junon, and Kihelene, who did that to Kiyen…”

Her voice carried the weight of deep contemplation.

“I hated that Junon saved my life, and your fate was uncertain, and there was no Arne to comfort me, and Kiyen had left… I felt lost. We fought a lot too, didn’t we, Lasano?”

Lasano nodded with a somber expression. His face was heavy. Ulli looked at him for a moment, then chuckled and rested her chin on her hand.

“Junon and Lasano helped me when I wanted to return to my territory. Even though they spoke sharply and hurt me the whole way, I didn’t feel any better. I even thought maybe killing them would make me feel better… but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was exhausted, hating itself was exhausting. I realized how much time I was wasting hating these people. I had already lived my life hating someone and seeking revenge.”

She was clearly talking about Count Linden. Cullen listened to her words in silence.

“Then, it suddenly dawned on me that everyone there was someone who had nothing left, just like me in the past. You know this too, Cullen. It’s harder for those who remain than for those who are gone. When I thought that these people would struggle no matter what I did…”

Ulli laughed.

“My hatred was meaningless. Instead, I wanted to spend that time finding you, reclaiming my father’s territory, and doing things for myself. I wanted to pour my heart into something valuable. Sometimes revenge is the only answer, but not always.”

Ulli said this and stood up. She wiped the troubled expression from her face and patted Cullen’s shoulder.

“Let’s end the gloomy talk here. Lasano, I’m sorry if I hurt you.”

“No. I would have gladly accepted even harsher words. The sins I have committed are not the kind that can be forgiven.”

Ulli did not deny Lasano’s words. Neither did Cullen. Breaking the awkward silence, Ulli changed the subject.

“Let’s go eat now. Lasano, has your cooking improved a lot? White was talking about your cooking. Oh, Cullen, isn’t it time for the Young Dragons to eat too? I saw yesterday that they ate a lot of things, unlike Kiyen. They were so cute that everyone was in a frenzy.”

As she spoke, Ulli seemed to have something more to say, but after pondering, she shook her head. Cullen nodded in silent agreement and turned away. He seemed to know what she had intended to say.

Having made up her mind, Ulli quickly prepared to move. While everyone gathered for a meal, she announced that she would be returning to the central region. Following her words, people began packing their belongings and dismantling tents with practiced movements after the meal.

While helping people prepare to leave, Cullen took stock of the approximate troop strength. There were nearly a hundred experienced-looking mercenaries. They all appeared seasoned, more so than one would expect to gather in three years from their territory.

A quick check revealed they were mercenaries from Dadin. It seemed Gael had gathered people to lend his support upon hearing Ulli’s news.

The preparations for departure were nearly complete. Cullen and the Young Dragons, who had no belongings to begin with, were limited to the horses they brought, and others had packed their belongings with practiced skill. As talk of departure began to circulate, Cat, who was beside Cullen, asked.

“Excuse me, did you fight with Kiyen?”

At Cat’s question, White and Black also looked up at Cullen. Seeing their eyes filled with a mixture of faint anxiety and curiosity, his heart grew heavy.

“There was a difference of opinion.”

He couldn’t say it didn’t matter that he had hurt him.

“Did Kiyen do something wrong?”

White asked this in response to Cullen’s answer.

“……Why do you think that?”

“Kiyen said so. He said he couldn’t be by Cullen’s side because he did something wrong.”

At the unexpected answer, Cullen blinked, looking down at White. While he stood frozen, Cat cautiously tugged at Cullen’s clothes and asked.

“Can’t you forgive Kiyen?”

“I wish neither of you would be sad.”

White and Cat spoke alternately, with Black standing beside them in agreement. Seeing the innocent children made him uncomfortable.

“If I am by his side, it will ultimately only harm Kiyen. I did this for his sake.”

“But Kiyen is sad. How is that doing something for Kiyen?”

Seeing Cat speak with a dejected expression, Cullen faltered. The question of whether it was for Kiyen’s sake overlapped with the morning’s events. His own actions, siding with Kihelene for Kiyen’s sake, overlapped, and confusion washed over him.

“Cullen, do you… dislike Kiyen? Because of what Kiyen did wrong?”

Just then, Black’s question, dropped casually, pierced Cullen. The black eyes staring at him felt as if they could see through him. Cat and White looked at him with tense faces.

Through his conversation with Ulli, Cullen realized he had been implicitly resenting him.

However, if asked if he disliked him, the answer was no. If anything, Cullen still cherished him. The beautiful memories and emotions he had given were irreplaceable treasures in Cullen’s life.

He simply kept his distance because he could no longer love him as before, and to lessen the hurt he would receive because of it.

“That is not it. My body will live a very short time compared to Kiyen. You may not understand yet, but it is incredibly painful to hold someone you can never see again in your heart. I do not want Kiyen to suffer more.”

Cullen said to the Young Dragons what he had told Kiyen countless times. Black, who had been listening silently, spoke one thing after Cullen finished.

“But Kiyen is no longer immortal either. A Dragon who has lost immortality can die at any time.”

…Right, that was it. He had momentarily forgotten that Kiyen was no longer immortal. Struck by the pointing out of a crucial reason for pushing Kiyen away, Cullen fell silent. Immortality had been a dividing line between them and a reason for pushing each other away.

With that reason gone, the thought that there was no justification to reject Kiyen flickered and vanished.

The word ‘death’ once again tightened its grip on Cullen’s heart. There were many reasons why he had come to love Kiyen, but the fact that he was an immortal being was what allowed him to acknowledge his feelings and nurture them.

If he had been mortal, perhaps, perhaps… Cullen wouldn’t have loved him this much. Reaching an uncertain conclusion, Cullen changed the subject.

“……What exactly is Kiyen’s condition?”

“The Guardian’s condition is something only he himself knows. But it’s clear he feels fatigue and hunger.”

Hearing that, he remembered that Kiyen hadn’t eaten anything for days. Recalling his staggering appearance and his unhealed wings, he felt as if he had abandoned a child.

“I will prepare some food, so the three of you should go and see Kiyen.”

Black, who seemed to see through Cullen’s thoughts, looked at him calmly and slowly opened his mouth.

“If Kiyen tries to erase himself, we won’t be able to sense it. That’s probably why we couldn’t sense his presence on the mountain the other day.”

“But aren’t you the same kind of Dragon?”

Black shook his head at Cullen’s words.

“Kiyen is no longer a Dragon.”

Even though he was just stating a fact, Black’s words felt like drawing a line. At the same time, Cullen realized something. Kiyen hadn’t just given up immortality. He had given up his kin, something he had so desperately desired.

For my sake, and no one else’s.

As he directly experienced the sacrifice he had only understood intellectually, guilt washed over him. Kiyen had lost so much because of him alone. His elegant appearance was nowhere to be found, and he had lost immortality, the foundation of his being.

Was that all? He had nearly crossed the river of death to save him. No matter how he looked at it, there was nothing beneficial about him being by his side.

“Kiyen’s abandonment of immortality is because of me.”

Cullen said this, steadying his heart, which had wavered due to Black’s rebuttal. No matter how he thought about it, there was no good to come from him being by his side.

“Getting severely injured like this time also stems from me. All the results of me being by his side have been like this. Therefore, it is better to keep our distance as it is, rather than for me to be there.”

Just then, Cat, who had been listening quietly, suddenly asked.

“Then why were you waiting for Kiyen last night?”

“……Yes?”

Cat looked at Cullen with an expression of utter incomprehension.

“You say it’s better to keep your distance from Kiyen, so why did you wait until you fell asleep?”

The child seemed to know he had waited for him, though he didn’t return. With teary eyes, Cat flapped his wings and looked up at Cullen.

“Besides, if you truly want to do what’s best for Kiyen, isn’t it better to make him happy?”

Struck by the truth, Cullen fell silent. Kiyen’s golden eyes, resembling his own, looked at Cullen with resentment, then released the clothes he had been holding.

“Kiyen is happy just if you talk to him, you know.”

With a sad expression, Cat ran towards Ulli without giving Cullen a chance to grab him. White looked at Cullen and Cat, then followed Cat, leaving only Black beside Cullen.

Black stood beside him in silence. After a long while, he quietly opened his mouth.

“The High Priest’s lifespan is different from ordinary humans. So you don’t need to worry.”

His clear black eyes, looking up, reflected his face.

“If that is truly the reason you are worried, Cullen.”

Black finished speaking calmly and turned towards the direction White and Cat had gone.