#161

With a desperate cry, Cullen got up and ran to her.

He was certain. Kiyen was not someone who desired death. While his anger and resentment were justified, Kiyen had clearly wavered at Kihelene’s attitude earlier. Cullen did not want him to make any more decisions he would regret.

Cullen knocked the dagger away before Kihelene could cut her throat with her trembling hands. Perhaps not expecting Cullen to come towards him, she looked up in surprise.

Cullen turned his back. Shielding Kihelene, he whispered to Kiyen in a pleading voice.

“Kiyen-nim, just a moment, please wait a moment.”

He was someone who grieved even the death of a small bird. Cullen could not imagine him rejoicing after being stained with blood again.

Kiyen sat there, in the posture Cullen had embraced him in. His expression showed disbelief that Cullen, of all people, had gone to Kihelene instead of staying by his side.

His wings slowly unfurled. The expression vanished from Kiyen’s face. He slowly rose from his seat, his golden eyes chilling. A long shadow fell over Cullen and Kihelene. Kiyen looked back and forth between the two.

“…Cullen?”

Kiyen called out to him softly.

“Why are you standing there?”

It was a question asking what he was doing there, instead of by his side. Cullen nervously ran a hand through his hair.

Although he had acted on the intuition that Kiyen would regret it, he was skeptical about whether he could explain it clearly to Kiyen. But Cullen knew Kiyen. He had always made rational choices, so he would understand his intentions this time too.

Kiyen was truly a good person. Perhaps more so than any human.

“If you kill Kihelene as she is now… you will regret it.”

Cullen said cautiously. Kiyen’s eyes contorted. Seeing that, Cullen hastily added.

“The Kiyen-nim I saw was not someone who rejoiced in killing. Killing Kihelene will not improve anything. In the end… this will also wound you.”

“No, I want her dead.”

Kiyen shook his head. He extended his hand towards Cullen, as if to say to stop playing games.

“Come here, Cullen. Do not interfere with her death. Did you not choose it yourself? You are on my side. If you love me, you shouldn’t do this to me. Come, quickly.”

Kiyen spoke as if he truly needed me. The way he reached out his hand first, calling me, was poignant. Cullen, though he desperately wanted to run back to him, forced himself to hold back, trying to persuade him somehow.

It was also clear that he did not want Kihelene to die. But more than that, Cullen, though he felt sorry, did not want the spiritual wound Kiyen would receive after her death. He had already stained himself with too much unwanted blood.

“Lord Kiyen, please think one more time. Killing Kihelene will change nothing. Those who forced her are dead. Those who persecuted you are no longer here. It will never happen again.”

“I don’t want to hear it. Cullen, come here. Didn’t you say you came to save me? If you knew the nightmares I had to endure again while you were gone… you shouldn’t do this to me. Only when that woman dies will my resentment be somewhat appeased. The resentment of being toyed with by countless Larkans!”

An enraged shout echoed. Cullen gritted his teeth. He wanted to run to him then and there.

But he couldn’t. Today, or rather, the consequences brought about by the countless cycles of revenge he had witnessed over time were seared into his heart with terrifying clarity. Too many had died because of revenge.

If this cycle was not broken, it would continue endlessly, becoming an eternal, revolving cage.

He wanted Kiyen to overcome it, like Ulli. Especially now, after seeing Iris’s state, broken by revenge. Hadn’t she, too, felt only emptiness at the end of her vengeance?

It wasn’t that he was asking not to kill anyone. Kiyen didn’t have to forgive her. That wasn’t what he wanted.

He just wished that Kiyen would no longer be caught up in the sight of blood, in death, in sorrow, and in those negative emotions. He truly wanted to show Kiyen only good things. Only things that would make him happy.

He was so close.

The moment he would release Kiyen, the moment that would make him happy, was right before him. He didn’t want to ruin it.

“Lord Kiyen, please… I beg you. Spare her. Kihelene came to reclaim your freedom. Everyone makes mistakes. So, just one chance…”

“Enough.”

Kiyen cut off Cullen’s words. Then, he closed his mouth. The outstretched hand slowly lowered, returning to its place. It was as if he had lost the chance to grasp something forever.

An unbearable, long silence ensued. The stillness suffocated him. Cullen clenched his fists against the tension that was strangling his throat. He wanted to know what Kiyen was thinking.

Had he made a mistake?

The moment that thought flickered—

“You are human, after all.”

Kiyen opened his mouth.

“Humans are always like this. Carias was the same. When the crucial moment came, he chose her kin over me.

A self-deprecating laugh burst out. Kiyen chuckled lowly, “Haha,” and spread his wings.

“I was foolish to believe in you. I was stupid to trust humans again.”

His head went numb. Cullen, watching Kiyen clearly display his disappointment in him, let his sword droop. Despite all his efforts, the result had regressed to the very beginning.

At the end of their contract, Cullen had become no different from the other Larkans in Kiyen’s eyes. All his efforts and emotions, meant to please Kiyen, were futilely blocked.

However, it was also his choice. Cullen could not just stand by and watch the possibility of him getting hurt. But deciding to save Kihelene had disappointed Kiyen.

“You say you love me?”

Kiyen laughed again, as if incredulous.

“Is this what you call love, Cullen Larkan? Betraying me to save the one who imprisoned and oppressed me? Is this how you repay everything I’ve done for you?”

His surname, called out with the situation, felt awkward. It was his surname, yet it wasn’t Cullen’s identity.

“The blood of a Larkan runs true. You repeat the same deeds as your ancestors. All Larkans have done this to me countless times. Those who claimed to save me ultimately broke their promises and turned away.”

Every word Kiyen spat out tore at his heart. The sharp words, digging into his bones, pierced his heart. The past days of running tirelessly for him, the dead Arne, the corpses outside, all of it flashed through his mind at once.

The guilt and self-loathing that had been consuming Cullen since he sent Kiyen away washed over him like a tidal wave. He had no strength left to navigate the tempest of wounds.

The last pillar of support he had left vanished without a trace the moment he saw Kiyen looking at him with resentment. In a state where even standing was difficult, Cullen mustered his last bit of strength.

“That is not it, Lord Kiyen.”

He hoped that if he spoke one more time, Kiyen might understand his intentions.

“I am not choosing sides. It is because I do not want the kind you are to be hurt by something you will regret…”

But Kiyen denied it.

“Do not presume to judge my regrets. I clearly want that woman dead.”

“I will not deny that Kihelene committed a sin. Her choice was wrong. But the one who truly did wrong is the one who drove her into that situation. So…”

Kiyen shouted lowly.

“I don’t want to hear it. I am tired of the excuses of disgusting humans. I will not listen anymore.”

The word ‘disgusting’ lodged itself in his mind. Kiyen looked at Cullen with eyes devoid of any emotion. A moment of silence permeated the surroundings. A suffocating pain blocked his chest. The time they had built together, short yet long, flashed through his mind.

It was like this from their first meeting.

The moon hanging in the sky was enormous. Approaching the ground as if to swallow it, the moon scattered pale light like snow in all directions. The Dragon stood beneath the silver light, just as he had the first day he saw him. With his beautiful golden hair cascading long, and a face sculpted from sorrow.

“You said you could do anything for me.”

Not a single breeze stirred. As if to prevent any excuse of not hearing the Dragon’s words properly, the surroundings were silent. So quiet it was sorrowful.

“If that is so, Cullen.”

The Dragon’s blue eyes gazed at the sword in Cullen’s hand. The unfathomable blue eyes seemed capable of drowning him with their mere gaze.

The smiling eyes forming a gentle curve and the calm upturned lips were kind. It was the same face that had looked down at him on the bed, the same face that had smiled quietly when he turned back in the vast field. It was gentle and lovely.

“Die.”

For someone asking for death from the one who loved him, it was an exceedingly gentle voice.

“I despise you.”

As if making it impossible not to grant that request.

“Therefore, your death is the only way to make me happy.”

So very gentle…

It was enough to make one want to die just by hearing it.

“I have fulfilled my contract with you. Therefore, as the just price for my contract, I demand your death.”

The gentleness that had permeated like a final consideration vanished. An icy voice urged Cullen’s death.

“That was the condition I wanted from the beginning. I cooperated with you for my liberation. I never cherished you. I never enjoyed the moments I touched you. You are the most terrible Larkan among all Larkans. You have no idea how disgusting it was to endure you.”

Cullen blinked slowly, taking in Kiyen. He felt each word Kiyen spat out shredding his soul, yet he felt no more pain. It felt as if his emotions had been numbed, having surpassed the threshold of bearable suffering.

“My liberation requires a death by complete free will. Tear open your chest and offer your heart. That was the restriction Carias imposed.”

Kihelene, standing beside him, gasped at those words. Cullen also took a shallow breath. His vague thoughts as their journey continued were only half correct.

He had thought Kiyen could only be liberated if the Larkans disappeared.

But that was not it.

Kiyen’s sensitive reaction whenever stories about goddesses or contracts came up flashed in his mind. Cullen couldn’t even exhale.

The contract that was strangling his throat was too horrific. Even as he was being forced to die, Cullen felt sorrow for Kiyen. Only then did he fully understand the betrayals he had endured.

No one would want to die. Especially not in such a terrible way.

When Cullen remained silent, Kiyen smirked. As if he had expected it, Kiyen let out a low sound, “Haha.”

“You can’t do it. No one could. That is the limit of the love you Larkans speak of.”

As if he hadn’t expected anything, Kiyen shook his head. After laughing for a long time, he turned his body halfway. Then, he waved his hand.

“Get lost, both of you. I don’t want to see you.”

A voice devoid of emotion echoed. Cullen, who had been silent for a long time, finally spoke.

“If I—”

His throat choked up.

“If I die…”

Cullen slowly strung the words together.

“Will that make you happy, Lord Kiyen?”

At his words, Kihelene interjected. She shook her head and tugged Cullen’s arm.

“Cullen, don’t. I, I will do it. I was going to die anyway. I will die.”

Kihelene readjusted her grip on the dagger. Cullen looked down at her and gave a faint smile.

“Live on, Kihelene.”

With those words, before she could resist, Cullen struck the back of Kihelene’s neck. Kihelene collapsed with her eyes wide open. Gently lowering her as she stumbled, Cullen slowly stood up. Then, he met Kiyen’s gaze, who was staring at him.

“Answer me, Lord Kiyen. Is my death… the only way to make you happy?”

Cullen readjusted his grip on the sword and asked again. Kiyen, his face hardened, stared at Cullen and parted his lips.

“……”

A short breath was heard, and a voice emerged.

“Yes.”

The affirmation fell. Cullen’s hand trembled. Though he had heard it clearly just moments ago, he foolishly wished Kiyen would deny it. But no. It was his own selfishness. Kiyen was clearly stating that he wanted him dead.

His insides felt hollow. The strongest pain and loneliness he had never felt in his life had taken away what was inside Cullen. All the joy and poignancy that used to delight him were now stained with sorrow. Cullen raised his gaze to the moon.

Regret washed over him.

He shouldn’t have taken Kiyen out of the palace. He shouldn’t have made him trust him. He shouldn’t have bothered him. He shouldn’t have made him open his heart even a little, and he shouldn’t have left him alone.

It was all his fault.

He shouldn’t have made companions either. Then Arne wouldn’t have died. Ulli might have been happier than he was now. Lasano wouldn’t have suffered this pain either.

Cullen scoffed at himself. One fact he knew suddenly surfaced. He truly, since long ago…

Had no talent for making the people he loved happy.

“I understand.”

And yet, he had tried to love. He had tried not to be lonely. He had tried to make companions, to make a lover. All things he shouldn’t have done.

He shouldn’t have been born in the first place.

“If that is the only thing that brings you joy…”

Cullen smiled slowly. The hand holding the sword moved. With a practiced motion, Cullen, without a tremor, pressed the sword to his heart. Kiyen’s wings trembled. His eyes gradually furrowed.

“If this can make you smile…”

Someone who shouldn’t have been born, dying for the one they loved.

“I will gladly do it.”

For Cullen, it was actually for the best.

“My beloved, my Kiyen.”

My beautiful Dragon, my one and only, first love.

With a small but clear confession, Cullen smiled and plunged the sword into his chest.

It was strange. Though the sword was excessively long to cut through his own heart, it pierced Cullen’s chest as if it had been meant for this moment.

Kiyen’s eyes widened. The pain of bones splitting surged. Cullen forcibly suppressed the groan that threatened to escape. Blood surged up his throat before he could stop it. He couldn’t speak due to the gurgling blood.

Cullen struggled to stay upright, fighting to remain standing. His mouth opened involuntarily. His vision blurred, making it impossible to look directly at Kiyen anymore. Through his hazy sight, he saw Kiyen’s beautiful golden hair and form.

It was fortunate that the last thing he saw was beautiful.

Thinking so, Cullen lowered his sword. Whether it was an illusion or not, the sword was glowing.

Lifting his trembling arm, Cullen mustered his last bit of strength. With his free hand, Cullen reached into his cleaved chest. But that was his limit. He could no longer endure.

He hadn’t managed to… take out his heart yet.

As Kiyen wished…

With his consciousness fading, Cullen collapsed. He sank down slowly, falling to his knees. He could see no further. Everything turned black. A chill set in. A small regret surfaced.

He wanted to see Kiyen smile.

Since he had given him what he so desperately wanted…

He must be smiling beautifully, in a way he had never seen before.

With that thought, Cullen closed his eyes. Everything vanished. The pain, the sorrow, the nightmares that had always tormented him…

All scattered with death.