#132

Kiyen’s words echoed clearly in his mind. Cullen blinked and stared at him, as if he hadn’t heard him. It took a long time for the content spoken in his calm voice to seep into his heart. It was as if his mind refused to comprehend it.

Only after the autumn chill settled on his skin did he let out a soft sigh. The sigh, which flowed silently, pooled at his lips. Cullen managed to utter a single word.

“I see.”

It was strangely difficult to part his stiff lips. A light shiver ran down his spine from the wind. The warmth he felt from Kiyen’s hand was so vivid that his mind finally began to work.

Kiyen’s words meant that he expected nothing in return for helping him now.

He would protect him until he died, stay by his side, and then leave him to create his race with Kia. It was a decision entirely in character for Kiyen. To make a decision that ultimately offered no benefit to himself, despite his harsh demeanor.

No matter how he thought about it, it was a proposal that harmed neither of them. Rather, Kiyen was the one at a disadvantage. Cullen had discovered the target of his lifelong revenge thanks to Kiyen, and he wouldn’t even have to pay the price. For Cullen, who had proposed the deal, it was a profitable outcome.

But why.

Why did it hurt so much?

“…Why that expression? Isn’t this good for you too?”

Kiyen asked, sensing the expression on his face. His voice, which had been overly indifferent when speaking of death, now held concern. He moved closer. A comforting scent wafted over. Cullen inhaled it deeply.

Death…

It was something he had thought about for a very long time. He had passed the point where he should have died countless times. He had wanted to die more often, hadn’t he considered his own life no different from a candle about to be extinguished?

But he had never thought of it this way. Death in the distant future.

He had never bothered to picture a future without Kiyen. Loss was what Cullen feared most. He wasn’t so leisurely as to deliberately imagine that moment. Yet, Kiyen was now mentioning the future he had been avoiding.

A fear like the ground giving way beneath him briefly surfaced. It was a familiar sensation.

If he were to die, he would no longer feel his gentle scent, his smiling face, his warmth, his concern for him, nothing at all.

The day he realized he would never see his family again, Cullen had felt the same fear. The emotion he thought he would never feel unless he lost someone was, in the end, connected to his own death.

But… yes, it was certainly better than losing. Death was unavoidable.

Only now, at this moment, did Cullen finally understand Kiyen’s words when he had refused him.

The statement that humans and he could not be together was literal. He was a being who lived Immortality. Cullen’s life, as he said, would be but a single season. Loving someone who passed by so briefly made no sense.

No, it shouldn’t be. Because then Kiyen would feel the sense of loss he had felt his entire life. Cullen recognized the weight of Immortality for the first time clearly. A life of longing for someone he could never see again, without dying or forgetting them. The mere thought was dreadful.

Cullen slowly regained his composure. He overlaid his usual expressionless mask. Looking up at Kiyen with calm eyes, he asked only one thing.

“Aren’t you… sad about my death, Kiyen?”

As if he hadn’t expected the question, Kiyen raised his eyebrows. He slightly furrowed his delicate eyes and closed his mouth. After a rather long silence, he said,

“I would be sad.”

His voice sounded sincere. However, it did not sound sorrowful or fearful.

“Is that so?”

Cullen quietly asked again, and Kiyen nodded.

“I have no memory of losing a life as intimate as yours. But it would certainly be sad.”

Cullen laughed silently. He let his eyebrows droop sadly and cast his gaze to his feet. The image of the bird buried in the palace garden overlapped. A beautiful little bird, now decaying and one with the earth. Kiyen had grieved for the death of such a bird, so he would grieve for his own death.

But only to that extent.

“You will be alright. Kiyen, you live Immortality…”

Kiyen would grieve only as much as he did for the bird’s death.

“You will forget soon.”

Cullen slowly released Kiyen’s clasped hand. He felt his body crumbling from somewhere. Everything around him was dizzying and chaotic. Even while holding onto Kiyen, he felt like he was collapsing, and he wished he could just run away.

When their hands parted, Kiyen looked puzzled. But he did not reach for her hand again. Rather, he seemed to be pondering why Cullen was acting this way.

“That’s fortunate.”

Cullen took a step back. Kiyen asked at his words,

“What is fortunate?”

His voice was slightly hoarse. Cullen cleared his throat low and pursed his lips. Then, very gently, with sincerity, he whispered,

“Because you cannot love me.”

Though that fact was agonizingly sad.

“I will go find game now. Kiyen, you should stay by Kia’s side.”

It was a short pain, rather than Kiyen mourning him forever.

After finishing his conversation with Kiyen, Cullen returned with two small rabbits. He chopped firewood silently, prepared the rabbits for Arne, and listened to Lasano, smiling faintly.

Then, after consulting with the group, they decided it would be better to set up camp here and wait until the full moon. Since they didn’t know their destination, it seemed best not to take unnecessary detours.

He deliberately avoided speaking to Kiyen. Kiyen was teaching Kia, who stayed by his side constantly, many things. Seeing that made him imagine their future together, and Cullen had to force himself to look away.

It wasn’t easy. It was like deliberately peeling off the scab of a healing wound; the urge to confirm the pain spurred him on.

Imaginations ran wild in his mind. Given how gentle and quick to smile Kiyen was, how devoted he would be to Kia later. How happily he would smile. The future where the two lived freely tormented Cullen like a nightmare.

For the first time, Cullen feared love. Love, which he thought had taught him the reason and joy of living, carried a pain proportional to the magnitude of its joy.

A petty emotion he had never felt before lingered at the edges of his feet. Despite believing he had settled and become strong, he crumbled instantly. Merely with Kia’s appearance.

Unable to bear his childish jealousy, Cullen could no longer stay at the campsite. He needed time to compose himself.

“It would be good to fetch water.”

Cullen stood up, grabbing a water container. The excuse, similar to yesterday’s, sounded strange, but he couldn’t think of many other excuses in his current state.

The group’s gazes shifted to him. His eyes met Kia’s, who was resting her chin on Kiyen’s shoulder. Though their appearance was more like family than lovers, even that hurt his heart.

“Didn’t Cullen fetch it yesterday too? I’ll go!”

Arne quickly stood up and said. Cullen shook his head.

“It might be dangerous, so it’s better if I go.”

Then, Kiyen, who had been listening, said,

“I’ll go with you.”

He couldn’t refuse that immediately. While Cullen hesitated, Kia jumped up.

“I’ll go too!”

Kia, who had started using semi-honorifics with Kiyen, seemed like a child excited by everything. He was truly a Young Dragon, having awakened only recently. Cullen bit his lip again, feeling pathetic for feeling jealous of such a being.

“No, I’ll go with Cullen. Just tell me where the water is, Kia.”

It was Ulli who saved Cullen.

“Over there! If you walk instead of fly, it’s a bit of a way!”

At Ulli’s words, Kia readily pointed to the northeast of the forest. She nodded and tugged at Cullen’s clothes. Cullen glanced at Kiyen for a moment before turning away.

Leaving behind Arne’s farewell, the two entered the mountain path. After walking quite a distance, Ulli broke the silence.

“Are you alright?”

Cullen turned his head quietly. Ulli had a worried expression.

“Your expression has been so bad since that Dragon appeared.”

He sighed, wondering if it was that obvious. He knew his expression had softened since falling in love with Kiyen, but showing this much was unlike him.

“I’m just a little surprised. I’m fine.”

“I wouldn’t be fine. It’s infuriating when the person you love is nicer to someone else.”

Cullen’s stiff expression softened slightly at Ulli’s blunt words. He curled the corners of his lips slightly.

“If it were you, Ulli, I suppose you would be.”

“Hey, that seems to apply to you too, doesn’t it?”

At the sarcastic remark, Cullen lowered the lips he had just raised. Continuing to walk silently, he said,

“That only applies between those who love each other.”

“Don’t you two love each other?”

Ulli asked as if to say, ‘What are you talking about?’ Cullen shook his head.

“You care about me, Ulli, but Kiyen doesn’t see me as someone to love. From the beginning, Kiyen said he couldn’t love beings other than his own kind.”

Ulli scrunched up her eyes as if to say, ‘What nonsense is that?’

“But didn’t he call you lovers? Besides, what is his attitude towards you if not love?”

Cullen wanted to ask that too. But he didn’t know who to ask.

“I am walking the path of mortality, and Kiyen lives Immortality. Our times are different from the start… it must be impossible for Kiyen.”

He recalled the warnings and concerns he had heard from Ulli all along. In the end, her warnings had been correct. The words telling him not to love a non-human too much.

But he didn’t regret it. Even with this pain, he was still happier than he was in the past. It was better to suffer while living than to live while dead. At least he had to live until he repaid the life he owed.

Ulli remained silent for a while after his answer, then spoke after they were quite far from the campsite.

“I don’t think it’s time to make that judgment yet.”

Cullen looked at her, her voice sounding quite serious. Ulli surveyed the campsite, then moved closer to Cullen and stood on her tiptoes. She then whispered in his ear,

“I saw something strange today.”

“What do you mean?”

To Cullen’s question, Ulli hesitated but continued.

“I was preparing food with Kia. We were gathering plants, and I saw Kia get deeply scratched by a rather large thorn.”

Ulli described the length of the thorn with her hands spread apart.

“So, she bled.”

“Dragons bleed too.”

Cullen knew this, having seen it himself. Then Ulli asked again,

“Does it take a long time for wounds to heal too?”