#106

Kiyen was the being who taught Cullen all the emotions he had never experienced. By his side, Cullen rediscovered affection, which he had tried to erase, and felt love, sorrow, and confusion that surpassed it.

Not only that. He also learned fickleness, the ability to become happy quickly despite being sad.

His heart was in turmoil all day. He was sad that Kiyen didn’t love him, yet happy that they had become lovers; bitter that their relationship was abnormal, yet his heart swelled when he saw Kiyen treating him this way again.

He couldn’t read Kiyen’s mind at all. Did he have a purpose? Had he opened his heart to him? Was it out of obligation…?

Putting aside those complex thoughts, Cullen lay still and gazed at Kiyen’s face. Kiyen, who had personally fed him wine, quickly lost interest in the drink and spent a long time teaching him how to kiss. He had clearly said that both kissing and intercourse were his first time, so why was Kiyen so skilled?

His lips were swollen from being tormented, so sleep had completely vanished. He should be resting, but strange thoughts kept coming to him, making him blame himself for being undignified.

Kiyen had only helped because of his absurd remark that he might become proficient with practice, and Cullen felt it was selfish to expect more, even as lovers.

Kiyen lay down on the bed after tormenting him for a long time. Ashamed of his obvious gaze, Cullen cautiously reached out and lightly covered his eyes.

“……Is there something on your face?”

Kiyen’s long eyelashes tickled his palm. His eyes beyond his palm seemed to be smiling.

“I saw your lips. They’re swollen and red, feeling different from usual.”

He said such things so casually. Cullen unconsciously removed his hand from his eyes and touched his lips. They were indeed swollen.

“How… are they different?”

“Well.”

Kiyen rested his chin on his hand, lying on his side, and stared intently at Cullen. He could feel Kiyen’s gaze, thick and heavy, sweeping over his body.

“It feels similar to when you used to beg me to enter.”

His neck burned at the unexpected remark. Unable to stop it, his ears turned red in an instant, and Cullen, flustered, recoiled. He parted his lips but couldn’t say anything.

“I… didn’t beg.”

He tried to deny it, but they both knew it wasn’t true. Kiyen narrowed his eyes and leaned his upper body closer.

“I forget nothing. I can recite every word you’ve said beneath me, without missing a single syllable. Do you want to hear it?”

“……It’s fine.”

He turned his head slightly, and Kiyen chuckled lowly, then pulled him closer. Naturally, he was drawn to Kiyen without any resistance. Willingly.

“It would be best to sleep. You have a tendency to overexert yourself.”

“Understood.”

He obediently followed. Kiyen, unlike the person who had just said such suggestive things that flustered him, yawned languidly and closed his eyes.

His golden hair spread across the bed. The bed was small, so they could barely lie down together. Their ankles dangled out.

“Kiyen.”

Perhaps it was the slight amount of wine, but Cullen suddenly felt an impulse and spoke. Kiyen, with his eyes closed, replied,

“Speak.”

“……May I touch your hair?”

Was it a slightly… strange question? But he didn’t take back what he had said.

Cullen had always loved Kiyen’s golden hair. It was beautiful, long, and seemed to possess a nobility that remained untainted even in the most chaotic situations.

Kiyen half-opened his eyes. His pointed pupils watched him with a peculiar curiosity, then he granted permission.

“Do as you please. Is this also something lovers do?”

“I don’t know. My firsts are all yours…”

At those words, Kiyen closed his mouth. The air grew strangely heavy, and an odd tension arose.

“But I remember how my parents were.”

“How were they? Ella was bold, but seemed far from romantic. When she was young, she used to catch frogs.”

Cullen laughed at this unexpected facet. He hadn’t expected to laugh while hearing about his mother. The memories still remained as painful scars, but Cullen recalled favorite scenes one by one.

“They held hands every day. Father would often comb Mother’s hair, and Mother would teach Sasha and me how to braid hair. Sometimes Father would braid Mother’s hair too. They always cooked meals together, talking about what happened…”

Cullen fell silent as he spoke. Sadness settled in his eyes.

“But this is the story of a couple united by love, so it might not be the actions of lovers.”

It was a love that lasted until death, so it wouldn’t apply to Kiyen and him. Kiyen was silent for a long time. Then, he slowly reached out and took his hand.

“There are no set rules for lovers. Besides, you don’t follow any rules, do you?”

He pulled his hand and offered him his golden hair. It felt like golden threads woven from silk. The ecstatic sensation dispelled his sadness. Cullen smiled.

“That’s right.”

Kiyen closed his eyes again. Before falling asleep, he said,

“You are likely the only human in the world who loves a Dragon.”

With those words, Kiyen began to breathe evenly. Looking at his unmoving eyelids, Cullen buried his face. He wished he could stay in this peaceful moment, free from pain and sorrow, forever.

Cullen opened his eyes to the noisy sounds from outside. Sunlight streamed brightly through the small square window. It was quite hot.

“You overslept.”

He lifted his head, and Kiyen was looking down at him. Had he waited for him?

“……Is it late?”

“The sun has just risen higher than the trees.”

“It’s not noon yet.”

The sounds grew louder. With an atmosphere like a festival, he looked out the window, and Kiyen’s voice was heard.

“There will be a funeral. They’ve asked us to participate too.”

The word “funeral” brought Pir to mind.

“……A funeral?”

“An old woman died. They say she went into the goddess’s embrace last night, and they started this at dawn.”

Kiyen scooped Cullen up in his arms. He didn’t even have time to protest that he could go to the window himself.

Beyond the window, in the center of the village, a pyre of wood was piled high with flowers. Everyone seemed to be wearing flower crowns on their heads.

“It looks more like a festival than a funeral.”

“Yes.”

Kiyen also looked intrigued, as if he hadn’t seen such a sight before.

While being held, Cullen carefully placed his hands on Kiyen’s shoulders. Even though he knew he was much stronger, he found it hard to apply force carelessly. He was afraid he might break him, he was so beautiful.

“I will get ready.”

“Understood.”

Instead of putting him down, Kiyen started to leave the room, still holding him.

“Um, Kiyen.”

He called out to him in surprise, and Kiyen looked at him as if to ask what the problem was.

“I… can wash myself.”

“Didn’t you like being washed last time?”

“That was… because we did that…”

Since yesterday, Kiyen had unintentionally put him in awkward situations. Without knowing what he was thinking.

He, who has no lust, wouldn’t understand, but Cullen worried if something intimate might happen again like last time. It wasn’t that he disliked it, but Kiyen certainly wouldn’t be moved. That was after intimacy then, but aren’t we far from that situation now? It was bound to become awkward.

“Is that so.”

Kiyen, with a face that couldn’t empathize, put him down. As soon as he pulled away, Kiyen stared intently at him.

“I can’t understand you at all.”

Cullen, unable to understand Kiyen’s words himself, glanced at him cautiously. As if performing a natural act, Kiyen touched Cullen’s lips with his finger. His soft fingertips caressed Cullen’s still slightly swollen lips. As Cullen tilted his head, Kiyen withdrew.

“There’s no bathwater, so you’ll have to go to the valley to wash.”

Kiyen said so and left the room. Normally, he might have felt regret, but if he stayed like this, his heart might burst. Cullen took a deep breath and turned to find clothes to change into.

After going to the valley to wash, Haman’s mother greeted Cullen. She offered him a flower crown with a smile. It was a beautiful arrangement of colorful flowers woven with long white stems.

“If you don’t mind, please join the funeral procession.”

Cullen knew it was about Pir’s story, but he pretended not to know and asked.

“What is it?”

“Last night, Pir-nim went to the goddess’s side. Peta found him gone, leaving only his staff. Ah, Peta is the youngest child in the village.”

“……A person died, and you accept it so easily?”

As he countered, unable to comprehend it no matter how he thought about it, Haman’s mother calmly replied.

“There’s a story passed down through generations. It says that if the village chief fulfills their duty by receiving the goddess’s will, they ascend to the heavens, leaving only a trace. Pir-nim has finally attained that glory. This staff has belonged to the village chiefs for generations. We will send it off with Pir-nim.”

Looking around, everyone had bright faces.

“Aren’t you sad?”

Cullen asked, still unable to understand them. Haman’s mother shook her head.

“Of course, we are sad. But we also know that he will be happy by the goddess’s side, and above all, we believe he wouldn’t want us to be sad. No one wants their loved ones to grieve.”

Gale had often said the same thing to him. He always told Cullen that he had to survive and be happy for his family to be at peace by the goddess’s side.

He had tried. But after losing Gale too, he couldn’t follow it anymore. All he could think was that they would resent him.

“Can you do that even for someone who died miserably?”

Cullen asked innocently. Haman’s mother stood on tiptoe, placed the flower crown on Cullen’s head, and smiled.

“I don’t know about that. Perhaps not like this. But some things remain unchanged. The fact that those who have departed first wish for the happiness of those left behind. If you loved them, you surely would.”

Having finished speaking, she picked up another flower crown and walked towards the group that had just emerged from the inn. Cullen’s gaze met Kiyen’s. The moment he saw that face, a vague emotion stirred within him.

The woman was right. Those who cherished him probably wished for Cullen’s happiness. His mother, Gale, his father, none of them would have wanted him to wander alone. It was Cullen himself who couldn’t let go of resentment. Otherwise, he couldn’t have endured.

Even Roach, who wasn’t human, would have felt the same. Cullen scoffed at himself, realizing belatedly what he knew in his head.

He was still no good at making the people he loved happy.

Cullen became afraid that he might become that kind of person to Kiyen, and he feared it.