By Zephyria I was quite sexually insensitive. Maybe it was because my presentation was late, but I had never even masturbated when I was in school, and naturally, I rarely watched porn. Since I couldn’t imagine a relationship with anyone, it was strange to feel sexual desire. To me, desire was just something I vaguely thought about.
As far as I knew, Choi Tae-gyeom was similar to me. Unlike other kids his age, he didn’t care about that kind of thing at all. If someone suggested watching porn, he would look at my face with indifferent eyes, and if I didn’t show any interest, he would lose interest as well.
I was ignorant, and Choi Tae-gyeom was indifferent. That was the only difference.
Then one day, something like that happened. Choi Tae-gyeom’s parents went on a business trip, and I ended up staying overnight at his house. Maybe it was because we left the TV on late, which we didn’t usually do, but the channel we happened to turn to was showing a pretty explicit movie.
‘…’
The moans coming from the booming audio and the screen filled with nothing but flesh tones. The two people on the screen were practically one. The haphazardly intertwined legs and the squelching flow of the act felt too lewd for TV.
I think I unconsciously stopped and fixed the channel on that stimulating scene. It was more of an instinctive reaction than embarrassment. Out of surprise, or perhaps because I was subtly curious about Choi Tae-gyeom’s reaction. Whatever the reason, it was certain that I reflexively looked at Choi Tae-gyeom.
‘…What?’
Choi Tae-gyeom reacted more strongly than I expected. He got up in the blink of an eye and snatched the remote control from my hand in an instant. Then, without hesitation, he changed the channel.
‘Why are they showing this kind of thing?’
His expression, his voice, everything was filled with displeasure. He seemed upset, and he spoke much less. To think that what I thought was “indifference” was actually “displeasure.” I remember silently shutting my mouth with a strange sense of guilt.
After that, we watched a third-rate comedy movie that wasn’t fun at all. I fell asleep while watching it, and when I opened my eyes, I was in Choi Tae-gyeom’s bed. It seemed that Choi Tae-gyeom had moved me to the bed and slept on the sofa.
Until now, I thought that was a kind of trauma he had. I figured that he had a bad experience before he could even be curious, so his sexual desire was instinctively reduced. So I didn’t ask any more questions, and I didn’t bring up any stories related to it.
But I had sex with him. I was intoxicated by the pleasure I felt for the first time, and I clung to him again and again. In the end, I couldn’t even ejaculate properly and only felt orgasms without cumming, so it was hard to even guess how long it had been.
It was a very satisfying act for me, but was it really the same for Choi Tae-gyeom?
“…”
When I opened my eyes with a slight sense of unease, Choi Tae-gyeom had already disappeared without a trace. I thought he would at least be in the same room, even if he wasn’t lying next to me affectionately. The absence of the warmth that should have been there overwhelmed me more than any other emotion.
Could it be that I had a dream?
It didn’t make sense, but I had that thought. Could all these memories be a dream created by my imagination? Could it be that my heat cycle was so intense that I had such a dream without realizing it? That’s why Choi Tae-gyeom looked so strangely excited.
“Ugh…”
But the moment I got up, that thought was shattered. It was because an unspeakable pain struck my back. Even if I had been beaten badly all night, it wouldn’t have been this bad. There wasn’t a single place from the inside of my thighs to my spine that wasn’t sore.
I knew the cause of the muscle pain. The acts I had done with Choi Tae-gyeom last night must have been the reason. My back, which had been curled up, and my thighs, which had been tensed up. I kept tensing up because of the frequent orgasms, and the aftereffects were hitting me like this.
Come to think of it, I had received that big thing in a position I didn’t usually do. I liked the way he inserted himself deeply, so I maintained an uncomfortable position for hours. Of course, it wasn’t unreasonable that it was so painful that it was hard to get out of bed.
“My phone…”
I frowned as I groped around the bed. I had come to the conclusion that it wasn’t a dream, so where had Choi Tae-gyeom gone? If he had to leave in a hurry, he would have at least left a message.
Fortunately, my only means of communication, my phone, was neatly placed next to my pillow. The time wasn’t as late as I thought, and if I didn’t take my time, I would arrive in time for the afternoon exam. I calculated the time in my head and looked for the name “Choi Tae-gyeom” on my phone.
Park Seong-jae, Min-jeong-ssi, and Kim Do-hyun. A few spam messages and classmates whose names I only knew. From asking if I was sick to asking if it was true that I was an Omega. Among the countless contacts, only the name “Choi Tae-gyeom” was missing.
“…”
I felt a sense of déjà vu. Just like that day, after he left. A subtle feeling filled me.
Why would he have left first after having sex with me for hours? Even if he had an unavoidable reason, why wouldn’t he have left even a single message?
‘An Omega…’
My heart started beating irregularly. An ominous premonition wrapped around me from my toes. Could it be that after all the acts were over, he didn’t like the fact that I was an Omega? Could it be that he regretted his relationship with me?
I was lost in thought for a long time, when I suddenly felt all sorts of discomfort. For example, the blanket I was holding felt new, or I was wearing clothes even though I hadn’t put them on. The fact that my body, which should have been a mess of sweat and bodily fluids, was fluffy and clean, and that the surroundings were neat and tidy as well.
“…Umm.”
No matter how I thought about it, the only person who could have played the role of a house fairy was Choi Tae-gyeom. While I was asleep, he must have changed the blanket, washed my body, and changed my clothes. He must have been very tired too, but he took care of me meticulously until the end.
Should I call him? I picked up my phone with that thought, but hesitated for a long time. It was because I couldn’t decide what to say when I turned on my phone. Saying “I just woke up” was meaningless, and asking “Why did you leave first?” was strange. I didn’t have the courage to ask if he regretted it, and I couldn’t do the crazy thing of talking about how last night was.
I’m going first because I have an exam in the morning.
It was about 10 minutes later that I found the note in the kitchen. As soon as I managed to get out of bed, a strange plastic bag caught my eye. In the kitchen, where I staggered over, there was a boxed lunch from the store and a note that wasn’t very long.
I ordered a lunch box, so eat breakfast and go to school.
The anxiety in my heart melted away in an instant. Next to the traces of something he had written and erased repeatedly, there was also a short apology, “Sorry.” I put down the note with the pretty handwriting that resembled his face and covered my eyes with one hand.
“Sorry…”
What was I thinking, having such thoughts about this guy? Last night and this morning, I was the one who grabbed him without permission, and I was the one who fainted without permission, but Choi Tae-gyeom keeps apologizing.
‘…I like you.’
As my heart calmed down, I remembered the confession Choi Tae-gyeom had made. It was a word that was filled with so much emotion that I wondered why I hadn’t realized it until now. It was different in scale from what he had shown me on the day I told him I was an Omega.
‘I like you, Lee Yoon-woo.’
I had never thought that my feelings would reach him. I had been in love with Choi Tae-gyeom for five years, and I hadn’t even conveyed my thoughts, let alone my feelings. There was almost no chance that he would like me, and this feeling would only be a burden to him.
So the moment I received his confession felt like a dream. It wasn’t unreasonable that my memory was floating because I was actually intoxicated with pheromones and sexual desire right after reaching my climax. No, maybe it was because I was sobbing.
…He likes me.
The moment I realized it, my face flushed. It felt like heat was filling my stomach with a feeling different from the heat cycle. The belated realization brought me so much embarrassment that my legs lost strength.
Then suddenly, I remembered something I shouldn’t forget. The fact that I had grabbed and tore his T-shirt while we were doing it.
It wasn’t just the T-shirt. As far as I could remember, Choi Tae-gyeom moved without taking off his pants properly. He had barely unbuckled his belt and pulled out his cock to fuck me, so his pants wouldn’t be in normal condition either. If he was going to change his clothes and go to take the exam, I could understand why he had left without even saying goodbye to me.
“Ha…”
The corners of my mouth kept twitching. My fingertips tingled and my cheekbones popped out. Whenever I remembered Choi Tae-gyeom’s confession, and whenever I remembered the thrilling acts I had done with him, my mouth was as sweet as if I had eaten a handful of sugar.
It couldn’t be helped. It had been five years. No more, no less, exactly five years. I realized I liked him as soon as I presented, and I decided to give up as soon as I presented. I never dreamed that a feeling I had never tried to convey would come true like this.
“What am I going to do…”
What am I going to do, I like him so much.
The fact that I had realized it made me excited all the time while I was getting ready to go to school. Although I was shocked once again when I went to the bathroom and saw the hickey on my neck (the muscle pain was too severe), that was how it was anyway. A fluttering excitement that tickled my chest kept washing over me.
Although Choi Tae-gyeom had left first, our feelings had reached each other anyway. Not only our feelings, but also our bodies had touched. Since I would see his face when I went to school anyway, I was going to take the exam in the afternoon and have a conversation slowly. Now that I had confirmed that we felt the same way, there would be a lot to talk about.
I couldn’t bring myself to contact him. A phone call would be a distraction, and I couldn’t convey this excited feeling in a message. I thought it wouldn’t be bad to be a little more patient in order to end my long unrequited love.
I’m going to meet Choi Tae-gyeom at school. The fact that had been a double-edged sword was now just a happy thing. My chest swelled with anticipation of meeting him.
* * *
When I arrived at the lecture hall, there was still plenty of time before the exam. It was because I had rushed to prepare, thinking I would cram somehow. Of course, there was no one in the lecture hall, and I sat down in the back and took out my notes.
The problem was that as soon as I opened my notes, I found a doodle of “Choi Tae-gyeom” instead of the lecture content.
‘…I missed all the classes.’
I remembered. It was just a few weeks ago, the day after I reunited with Choi Tae-gyeom. The day I was lost in thought and missed all the lecture content. The day I came to school with a lot of excitement, but my mood sank as I was immersed in depression.
It was the same lecture hall and the same notes, but the mood was completely different. I was depressed back then, but now I kept feeling excited. So much so that I couldn’t control my fluttering feelings and let out silly laughs several times.
“Ha…”
I put down the pen I was holding and covered my face with both hands. There was no one to see me, but I felt embarrassed for no reason. Choi Tae-gyeom’s face came to my mind, and if I let my guard down even a little, the thrilling sensation from last night would come back to life. The sweetness that had welled up had already dulled my sense of reality.
It was a little later that someone entered the lecture hall. I was lost in thought with my chin resting on my hand without even looking at the notes I had spread out, when a familiar face plopped down next to me.
“You came early.”
Kim Do-hyun put down his bag with a blank face without even looking at me. The way he took out the book for today’s exam was different from the friendly face he always wore. The cold wind was blowing, and it wouldn’t be strange if people thought they didn’t know each other.
“Oh…, you came early too.”
Come to think of it, the subject for this exam was a subject I was taking with Kim Do-hyun. The exam time had been changed to the afternoon, but the lectures had been in the morning, so I remembered having lunch together. Naturally, I also remembered the pheromones that the two Alphas had released and the trouble I had in the restaurant.
“I can’t concentrate at home, so I’m going to study here.”
Kim Do-hyun answered indifferently and glanced at me. His dry gaze passed over my face and moved downwards.
“Aren’t you hot? Wearing a turtleneck in this weather.”
I reflexively touched my neck. The knit that came up to my neck was the clothes I had chosen this morning without much choice in front of the closet. The red and blotchy neck was so flashy that I couldn’t possibly expose my bare skin.
“I get cold easily.”
“You were wearing thin clothes yesterday.”
I didn’t have anything to say, so I quietly shut my mouth. I couldn’t say, “I had a hickey on my neck, so I wore this.” It wasn’t a lie that I got cold easily either.
Kim Do-hyun sighed deeply and ruffled his hair irritably. His frowning face was full of displeasure.
“…It’s obvious, sunbae.”
He said that it was obvious that I was an Omega, and now he says that it’s obvious just by looking at me wearing a turtleneck. I thought it was better than a bandage, but it seems that this perceptive guy thought it was the same thing. Well, I followed the person I liked with my heat cycle on, so the aftermath would be obvious.
“It’s polite to pretend you don’t know.”
“When was I ever the type to be polite?”
An awkward silence flowed. To be exact, it was a silence that only I thought was awkward. Kim Do-hyun spread out his notes with an indifferent expression, and then opened his mouth again as if nothing was wrong.
“Sunbae.”
Instead of answering, I turned my head and looked at him. The guy who had been moving his hand with a scratching sound continued his words in a calm voice.
“Choi Tae-gyeom sunbae, is he big?”
It was a completely unexpected question. Instantly, I remembered Choi Tae-gyeom’s thing that I had seen yesterday. The big thing that had been frighteningly erect, unlike his pretty face.
“If he has that spec and that size, he’s going to be really annoying.”
“…What are you talking about?”
Choi Tae-gyeom had something that anyone would evaluate as “big.” Even if there was no comparison, it was possible to judge whether it was big or small. Of course, that didn’t mean I could give Kim Do-hyun an affirmative answer.
“That’s sexual harassment.”
So I answered with a sullen face, but Kim Do-hyun’s expression didn’t change. He just snorted with an indifferent gaze as always. His mouth was very crooked at first glance.
“I can ask a little bit, can’t I?”
“You can’t ask.”
My views on love, as well as the basic points, don’t match this guy at all. I couldn’t understand how that was just a question you could ask.
“If someone asks you if you’re big…”
“I’m big.”
“…”
Is this being shameless, or confident? There’s no way to confirm whether it’s extraordinary, so I should consider it confident. Although, I’m not sure if this is a conversation to be had in a classroom in broad daylight.
“…If you’re curious, ask Choi Tae-gyeom.”
A sigh escaped from deep within my throat. Being with Kim Do-hyun feels like my stamina decreases with every word he speaks. Is it because he only says things I don’t expect? I can’t let my guard down even for a moment.
“There’s a rumor going around at school.”
Kim Do-hyun naturally changed the subject. It wasn’t because I was uncomfortable with the topic, but rather, he seemed to be blurting out what he wanted to say all along, without any order. Before I could even ask him what he meant, he began to explain in a soft voice.
“Apparently, an Omega went into heat, and an Alpha took them away. And because that Alpha was Choi Tae-gyeom, the kids are going crazy.”
I was so out of it that I had forgotten. The fact that Choi Tae-gyeom carried me from the club room all the way to my house. An Omega in heat and an Alpha carrying that Omega. I guess it would have looked strange to others, that thought finally occurred to me.
“You know how famous Choi Tae-gyeom is.”
Of course, I know. I’ve experienced it firsthand several times. During the freshman orientation, and when I was talking with the club members in the club room. I can’t forget the evaluations of Choi Tae-gyeom that were mentioned each time. He already attracts attention, and now he even carried someone, so it’s no wonder rumors are spreading.
“Also, that you’re an Omega…”
Kim Do-hyun couldn’t finish his sentence. Just in time, someone was chattering outside the classroom. To be exact, it was the content of the rumor Kim Do-hyun was talking about.
“He carried an Omega in heat?”
The phrase ‘Omega in heat’ pierced my ears. I tried to ignore it, letting it flow out the other ear, but the voice that followed was also too clear.
“You know, that super handsome Alpha in Business Administration.”
Business Administration, and Alpha. With just those two words, it was Choi Tae-gyeom. If you add the descriptive phrase ‘handsome,’ there’s no need to hesitate any further. The timing was so perfect, it was as if someone had orchestrated it.
“Yesterday, that upperclassman carried an Omega. Skipped all his afternoon classes.”
My shoulders twitched. I don’t have a hobby of eavesdropping on other people’s conversations, but because of the topic, my mind kept focusing on it. No, even if I tried to ignore it, the voices echoing in the hallway were too clear. So this is how rumors spread, I realized anew.
“Wow, why? I heard he hates Omegas?”
“Who knows. According to my friend, the pheromones were crazy because of the heat cycle.”
Kim Do-hyun shrugged his shoulders and lowered the corners of his lips. He even muttered ‘See?’ in a voice that was barely audible. I couldn’t bring myself to look at Kim Do-hyun, so I washed my face with my hands and turned my gaze to my notebook.
“That’s amazing. Why did he take them?”
“Hey, it’s obvious what you’d do with an Omega.”
I could hear giggling. It didn’t feel malicious, but that didn’t mean I felt good about it. Does it really matter who someone carries, or what they do afterward? There are always guys who need to spew out cheap speculation like that to feel better.
“So the Business Administration God is just an Alpha after all.”
Alphas can’t help it, even though I’m an Alpha, I can’t overcome my instincts. Their bullshit continued. Pretending not to hear it was only possible once or twice, the voices echoing in the hallway, and Kim Do-hyun’s gaze, were all uncomfortably burdensome.
“But who is that Omega?”
Normally, I would have ignored it, pretending not to know. Or at least, I would have if they were only talking about me and not Choi Tae-gyeom. But the thought of Choi Tae-gyeom hearing those words made me slightly annoyed.
“I heard a rumor about that too, that it’s an upperclassman from our department.”
They were underclassmen from our department.
‘Also, that you’re an Omega…’
I think I knew the rest of what Kim Do-hyun was about to say. No, in fact, I already knew from the contacts left on my phone. Countless messages had come from classmates I only knew by name, asking if it was true that I was an Omega.
I guessed that someone must have seen my face while I was being carried. No, if someone knew me, they would have realized it was me just by looking at my clothes. Naturally, the identity of the Omega that Choi Tae-gyeom carried must have spread by word of mouth.
“Really? Who?”
“You know, that upperclassman who wore a hat at the freshman orientation.”
The door burst open at that moment. Unfortunately, it seemed that those people’s destination was the same classroom as mine. I didn’t avoid their gaze, nor did I say anything, but watched them enter the classroom.
“The name was Lee Yoon-woo…”
His words were unnaturally cut off. The gazes that met in the air stung my skin. The student blinked once, twice, and then widened his eyes as if they were about to pop out.
“…Gasp!”
The student who came in after him also showed a similar reaction as soon as he saw me. The way he covered his mouth with both hands and stepped back even looked somewhat pitiful. Judging by their youthful faces, they were both freshmen, but why did they blurt out such backhanded comments that they couldn’t handle?
“…”
“…”
This time, a truly awkward silence flowed. I didn’t say anything, but even though I was still, the faces of the two people were turning pale. In the meantime, Kim Do-hyun looked back and forth between them and opened his mouth in a carefree voice.
“What did I tell you?”
Kim Do-hyun’s pencil spun in his hand. He snorted and shrugged his shoulders, continuing his words.
“I told you there was a rumor going around, right?”
I awkwardly scratched the back of my neck. I thought I was annoyed at first, but seeing their pale faces made me lose my motivation. In fact, most of the rumors were true, so it was ambiguous to get angry and tell them not to spread false rumors.
“…”
No, there was one thing that was wrong.
“You.”
I looked at the taller of the two and started to speak. I couldn’t feel any pheromones, but judging by his voice, he was an Alpha. He had definitely said, ‘Even though I’m an Alpha, I can’t overcome my instincts.’
“Not being able to overcome your instincts isn’t something to be proud of.”
His pale face turned bright red. He pressed his lips tightly together and lowered his gaze. Before I knew it, he had even gathered his hands neatly.
“Just because you’re like that doesn’t mean you should think everyone else is.”
I know that Alphas react to the heat cycles of Omegas. I also can’t help but react when I smell Alpha pheromones.
But Choi Tae-gyeom tried to go home even with me in heat right in front of him. Even though I asked him to release his pheromones, he stubbornly endured it with reason. I didn’t like the fact that they were slandering him like that, the guy who even cared for me during the act.
“…I’m sorry.”
I heard an apology that sounded like it was being swallowed. The guy standing behind him also apologized softly and bowed his head. Their fidgeting fingers seemed to show how embarrassed they were.
“Knowing is enough.”
Kim Do-hyun’s gaze turned to me at my indifferent reply. He had been watching me the whole time, and he had an expression that said he wanted to say something. The guys who had been so nervous exchanged glances with each other and then apologized again in a small voice.
“It’s okay, just be careful next time.”
“…Yes.”
They ended their short answer and ran out of the classroom as if they were escaping. They were definitely taking the same exam as me, but they probably didn’t have the confidence to stay in the same classroom. Kim Do-hyun, who had been staring at their backs, muttered in a small voice.
“I thought you’d be angrier…”
There was a hint of disappointment mixed in his muttering voice. Kim Do-hyun probably expected me to scold them more. But unfortunately, I had no intention of nagging any further.
“Why bother.”
As a result, the rumors that spread around the school were all about ‘Choi Tae-gyeom carried an Omega in heat.’ ‘And that was Lee Yoon-woo.’ Both were facts without a single lie, and there was nothing to hide.
“I don’t really care about the rumors. It’s not like they’re wrong.”
If I don’t react, they’ll disappear before long. Even if they don’t disappear, I don’t really care.
“It was the thing about instincts that made me feel bad.”
Now that I think about it, I wonder if Choi Tae-gyeom is okay. He’s basically insensitive to other people’s gazes, but I still felt uneasy. I should contact him after the exam.
“That’s not wrong either.”
Kim Do-hyun pressed the end of his pencil against his notebook. What was it, I remembered what he had said when he first met me. That when Omegas go into heat, they want to throw away reason and everything else. The story I had heard and let go with one ear now felt ridiculous.
“But I endured it well too.”
I couldn’t help but smile. Kim Do-hyun frowned as if asking what that meant.
“At the hospital. When I got the shot and my pheromones came out.”
“…”
“If I couldn’t overcome my instincts, you would have pounced on me there.”
It wasn’t just Choi Tae-gyeom who endured until the very end. In the hospital emergency stairs, Kim Do-hyun endured my pheromones while even holding his breath. His face turned red, and his eyes lost reason, but he didn’t follow his instincts.
“…Of course, I had to endure it.”
That’s a crime. The words that came out of his mouth were very unfamiliar. He didn’t even listen when I talked about sexual harassment. He’s saying something quite sensible.
“You know that much.”
I snorted and lowered my eyes. I felt relieved, so pheromones were seeping out. I would have suppressed it in the past, but there was no reason to pretend to be a Beta anymore.
Besides, even if I stopped pretending to be a Beta, the title of ‘extremely recessive Omega’ wouldn’t disappear. My pheromones were so faint that it was embarrassing to even call them ‘pheromones.’ Unless they were very sensitive, most people wouldn’t even notice their presence.
“Your pheromones…”
But as soon as I relaxed, Kim Do-hyun pointed out my pheromones. He narrowed his brow and pressed his lips tightly together, then let out a short laugh.
“So you don’t need to hide it anymore?”
What a ghost. It seems that the saying that he has a good sense of smell wasn’t a lie. It was also true that he was more sensitive to pheromones than ordinary Alphas.
“Haa…”
I heard a sigh that was barely audible. When I glanced at him, Kim Do-hyun was resting his chin on his hand on the opposite side of me. That seemed like a declaration of his intention not to talk anymore, so I focused on studying for the exam instead of adding any more words.
After that, no one came into the classroom for quite a while. Naturally, the conversation between us was also cut off, and at some point, he ruffled his hair wildly and got up from his seat.
“I’m going out for a smoke.”
What came out of Kim Do-hyun’s pocket was the cigarette he had been smoking in the smoking room last time. He opened the cigarette pack and checked that there were about half left, then suddenly turned to look at me.
“Do you have any cigarettes?”
What a random question. He wasn’t holding a cigarette in his hand, and he was waiting for my answer with a blank look.
“Don’t you still have some left?”
“…I want to smoke something different.”
“Mine will be weak.”
I rummaged through my bag and took out a pack of cigarettes that was as good as new. It was something I had completely forgotten about for the past week. Even though I smoked it because of pheromones, I had smoked for 5 years, so how could I not have thought about it even once?
“You can smoke them all, so lend me your notebook.”
Our fingertips brushed slightly. As soon as he received the cigarettes, Kim Do-hyun turned around without hesitation. There was no word of agreement or thanks. However, I thought that the ear that I caught a glimpse of seemed to be red for some reason.
* * *
The afternoon exam went well. The notebook I borrowed from Kim Do-hyun was more useful than I thought, and most of the exam questions were from areas I knew. Kim Do-hyun didn’t come back until just before the professor arrived, after most people had already come to school.
After that, he submitted his exam paper first and left. It would take a long time just to fill out the answers, but he had almost just written his name and submitted it. Of course, when I came out of the classroom, I couldn’t even see a single strand of his hair.
Park Seong-jae: [Hyung, let’s talk] 01:00pm
Park Seong-jae: [Come to the club room after the exam] 01:00pm
Park Seong-jae: [I know you don’t have any plans in the afternoon] 01:02pm
I found the messages from Park Seong-jae after all the exams were over. Of course, with the rumors spreading like that, there’s no way that Park Seong-jae, who has such a wide network, wouldn’t have heard about it. I was going to contact him first anyway, so it was a good thing.
[Where are you?] 01:22pm
I left a message for Choi Tae-gyeom and started walking towards the club room. I wanted to go meet Choi Tae-gyeom, but I had to meet Park Seong-jae first, who was definitely there. If I had known this would happen, I should have memorized the schedule. I was thinking like a bit of a stalker when I came out of the building.
“Did you do well on the exam?”
“How could I have done well? It was so difficult. Choi Tae-gyeom is probably the only one who solved the last problem.”
“What? Tae-gyeom solved the last problem?”
A familiar name was etched into my ears. Instinctively, I turned my head and saw four students standing next to the building. I stopped walking abruptly when I saw the tallest of them.
“How can you solve that? Did we even learn it?”
“We did. Just once in passing.”
“That crazy professor, putting that on the exam.”
Choi Tae-gyeom was standing there. One hand was in his pocket, and the other was holding his phone, staring at it blankly. Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromones were mixed in with the blowing wind.
“Hey, how do you solve that?”
I thought anew, what an unfair appearance. How could he have that height, that face, and even perfect pheromones? At least one thing should be lacking in a person.
“Hey, hey, how do you solve it?”
My heart reacted pleasantly. The pheromones I had felt all over my body all night were floating in the air. Omega pheromones slowly raised their heads from within.
I just sent a message, so he must be looking at the message I sent. I was going to tell Choi Tae-gyeom that I was in the same building when he replied. Then he would look around in surprise.
“Why is he like this all day today?”
I could imagine him making eye contact and walking towards me. Even though there were friends around him, he would come to me without hesitation. Just like he had shown at the drinking party and at the sushi restaurant.
“…”
But the moment I took out my phone, the picture I had drawn in my head was instantly distorted. That was because the ‘unread’ mark was floating next to the message I sent. I looked at Choi Tae-gyeom once, and then at the message I sent, but nothing changed.
“How do you solve the last problem…”
“Shut up.”
The voice was clear even from a distance. Choi Tae-gyeom frowned irritably and quietly silenced his friends. He was still fixing his gaze on his phone.
“I didn’t solve the last problem. Stop asking.”
The corners of my lips twitched. Choi Tae-gyeom, who had replied irritably, put his phone away without hesitation. Then he put both hands in his pockets and turned his body in the opposite direction.
“Choi…”
Belatedly, I tried to call him, but stopped. The worry that had been tormenting me for 5 years blocked my throat again. Anxiety, impatience, and a bit of displeasure.
‘I hate Omegas.’
A chilling feeling brushed the back of my neck. The fear that had been learned over a long period of time even ate away at the courage to hold onto Choi Tae-gyeom. The hand that couldn’t hold him lost its way in the air.
In the blink of an eye, Choi Tae-gyeom disappeared from sight. If it weren’t for the pheromones left around, I would have believed that he had never existed in the first place. I blinked blankly, looking at the message he hadn’t checked. I felt my head cooling down.
* * *
Tap, tap, I tapped the table with my fingertips. Park Seong-jae glanced at me at the repetitive sound, but I didn’t care. The feeling that had cooled down was pressing down on the corners of my lips, making it hard to care about that.
I put down the phone I was holding and pressed my eyes hard. There was still no contact on my phone. As I nervously bit the inside of my cheek, Park Seong-jae, who had been watching me the whole time, cautiously spoke.
“…Hyung.”
Two gazes were directed at me side by side. One was Park Seong-jae, and the other was Min-jeong. Min-jeong, who was lying on the cot playing a phone game, sent a look of interest as soon as Park Seong-jae started to speak.
“I heard a rumor.”
Park Seong-jae spoke in a cautious voice. The very short sentence was so low it made his shoulders shake. He knew he should confess now, but the words wouldn’t come easily.
“…A rumor?”
Originally, I had planned to tell Park Seong-jae and Min-jeong-ssi directly. That I was actually an Omega, and that I had been in heat cycle for the past week. That it was true Choi Tae-gyeom had carried me, as the rumors said, and that I was sorry for not telling them sooner. That was why I had come to the club room.
“What rumor did you hear?”
But Choi Tae-gyeom’s back kept flashing in my mind. At the same time, I was afraid that these guys might turn their backs on me too, just like Choi Tae-gyeom. What if they got angry? What if they looked disappointed, feeling betrayed? Things I usually didn’t even think about were stubbornly holding me back.
Four years. I had been deceiving Park Seong-jae, Min-jeong-ssi, and the guys in our department for four years. To confess a truth I had hidden for so long, four years was just too long.
“The rumor is…”
Park Seong-jae hesitated, watching my reaction. He started to speak, but then hesitated for a long time.
“There’s a rumor that a handsome Dominant Alpha from the Business Administration department kidnapped an Omega in heat cycle.”
It was exactly the same as the rumor from earlier. Except the words “carried” had changed to “kidnapped.” It wasn’t kidnapping, though… While I was thinking that, Park Seong-jae continued in a serious tone.
“But they say that Omega is from our department.”
“……”
“And that the two are friends.”
Park Seong-jae seemed convinced that I was the subject of the rumor. That’s why he was being so cautious, while also staring intently at my face. Suddenly, I remembered the conversation Min-jeong-ssi and Park Seong-jae were having before I entered the club room.
‘…An Omega.’
‘It wasn’t just that he was sick…’
I should have run away when I heard that conversation. I should have prepared myself more, and come back after I had sorted out my thoughts. If I had known I would be this nervous, I wouldn’t have walked into the club room so confidently.
“Hyung, I’m asking just in case.”
My solar plexus tightened. I couldn’t stand the tension, and my mouth felt parched. This time, Park Seong-jae didn’t hesitate to ask the question.
“Who do you think that ‘handsome’ Dominant Alpha from the Business Administration department is?”
It was a question with a predetermined answer. The reason for emphasizing “handsome” was obvious. I didn’t know many students from the Business Administration department, but there weren’t many handsome people, or Dominant Alphas.
“…It must be Choi Tae-gyeom.”
I couldn’t bring myself to meet his eyes. It wasn’t like Park Seong-jae was angry, but his pretty eyes were too scary today.
“Then…”
I swallowed hard. Where would this awkward Q&A session end? I didn’t like any of it, and I just wanted it to be over quickly.
“Besides you, does Choi Tae-gyeom-sunbae have any friends in our department?”
Again, there was only one answer I could give. I awkwardly avoided his gaze and shook my head, and Park Seong-jae frowned slightly.
“I thought so.”
He tilted his head with a very serious expression. The sight of his large frame hunched over and his fists clenched tightly was a little funny, given the situation.
“But hyung is a Beta, so…”
Here it comes. I thought it was nothing, but a much more tense situation than I expected had finally arrived.
Various words swirled in my head. Actually, recessive, circumstances, Omega, Choi Tae-gyeom, I didn’t mean to. The disorganized and listed words couldn’t escape my lips properly.
“…Well, that’s…”
First, I should apologize. Instead of making clumsy excuses, I should explain properly and ask for forgiveness. I told Choi Tae-gyeom, so there was no reason I couldn’t tell these guys too.
“Actually, I’m…”
I’m sorry for deceiving you. There were unavoidable circumstances. I couldn’t bring myself to say the rest. Park Seong-jae nodded slowly and said in a calm tone.
“The kids must have misunderstood something.”
All those words disappeared down my throat. Instead, Park Seong-jae’s words echoed in my head. So, was he saying it was a ‘misunderstanding’?
“Hyung was sick, right? You were so sick that Choi Tae-gyeom-sunbae carried you, right?”
“…What?”
“They must have mistaken your feverish state for heat cycle.”
Park Seong-jae nodded, coming to his own conclusion. Yeah, that’s right, that’s it. His face, as he muttered those words, showed not a trace of doubt. I stared at Park Seong-jae with a dumbfounded expression and asked in an even dumber voice.
“Who said I was sick?”
“Do-hyun did.”
The answer was clear. The situation was instantly clear. Choi Tae-gyeom carrying me, and Kim Do-hyun left in the club room. Park Seong-jae had told Kim Do-hyun to bring me, so Kim Do-hyun must have made the excuse, ‘Yoon-woo-sunbae is sick.’
“……”
He had hidden the fact that I was an Omega until that moment. Should I thank him for looking out for me, or tell him that he had done something unnecessary because Park Seong-jae’s misunderstanding had deepened? While my mind was complicated, Park Seong-jae patted my shoulder with a refreshed face.
“I was so surprised. I came to school and the kids were saying hyung was an Omega, that you were in heat cycle, and even that you slept with Choi Tae-gyeom-sunbae.”
My face flushed at the explicit expression. It felt different from when those strangers were whispering earlier. Hearing a friend say it with such a bright expression made me feel a strange sense of shame.
“Even so, it was too much. Hyung even has someone you like, so it would be a problem if rumors spread that you slept with Choi Tae-gyeom-sunbae.”
“……”
“If the other person misunderstands…”
The more he spoke, the more subtly Park Seong-jae’s expression changed. He looked at me with a ‘this isn’t right?’ expression, then closed his mouth for a moment. He tilted his head like a puppy, and wore an awkward smile.
“The person hyung likes, was he the same age?”
Should I answer? The brief hesitation was short-lived. Park Seong-jae reached his conclusion faster than I could.
“Don’t tell me…”
“……”
“That… that…”
I covered my eyes with one hand. I couldn’t bear the gazes of the two of them. My face was flushed, and I could feel the warmth on my palm.
“No way!”
A shrill scream erupted from Park Seong-jae’s mouth. Through the gaps in my fingers, I could see Park Seong-jae’s shocked face. Min-jeong-ssi’s gaze was still fixed on me. I sighed softly and lowered the hand that had been covering my eyes.
“The person you like was Choi Tae-gyeom-sunbae?”
The club room was about to collapse with the loud noise. It probably echoed all the way to the end of the hallway. A guy with an unnecessarily good vocal cords. What should I do with this guy? I sighed.
“How, no, from when!”
“…Is that important now?”
“It’s not important, but!”
Park Seong-jae took a breath. He was fine when he was talking about the rumors, but he was only shocked by the fact that I liked Choi Tae-gyeom. And he realized it at such a random time.
“How could you be so secretive!”
“…Ugh.”
Min-jeong-ssi, who had been watching the situation the whole time, sighed. The words “idiot” she muttered were full of contempt for Park Seong-jae.
“That’s not the order of things right now.”
Min-jeong-ssi shook her head as she got up from the bed. Her feet, dangling below the bed, slowly touched the floor. Min-jeong-ssi lightly swept her hair back and called me in a nonchalant voice.
“Yoon-woo oppa.”
My chest felt heavy. I felt like I knew what question would come next. As expected, Min-jeong-ssi continued without the slightest hesitation.
“Are you an Omega, oppa?”
A heavy silence fell. It was so quiet that I could hear the sound of my eyes rolling. I accepted Park Seong-jae’s blazing gaze and uttered the words I had been bracing myself to say.
“That’s right.”
Park Seong-jae’s mouth dropped open. It was so wide open that two fists could easily fit inside.
“It was heat cycle.”
I felt like I could breathe. Once the floodgates were opened, the rest of the words flowed out naturally.
“The hospital said I shouldn’t take suppressants, so I skipped school. I thought it was over yesterday, so I came to school, but suddenly heat cycle hit, so I went home.”
My heart was pounding. I was nervous, but I also felt a sense of liberation. No matter what reaction these guys showed, the water had already been spilled and I couldn’t take it back. That fact actually made me feel relieved.
“Why did you pretend to be a Beta?”
Min-jeong-ssi asked in a calm voice. I couldn’t see any betrayal or displeasure towards me. But she didn’t have such an obviously surprised expression like Park Seong-jae either.
“That’s…”
I started to speak lightly, but then closed my mouth heavily. I couldn’t decide what to say first. The jumbled thoughts were connected one after another and eventually returned to the starting point.
“Because Choi Tae-gyeom hates Omegas.”
Without realizing it, one of my hidden worries popped out. The story that was spat out erased the complicated thoughts in my head. Choi Tae-gyeom’s back came to my mind again in my empty head.
“I didn’t want to be hated.”
I thought our hearts were connected. Choi Tae-gyeom said he liked me, kissed me, and mixed pheromones even after knowing I was an Omega. I expected that there would be no need to hide the fact that I was an Omega, or that I liked him.
But why?
“Because I like Choi Tae-gyeom…”
I stopped speaking in the middle of my sentence. I didn’t know why, but one fact I hadn’t realized hit me hard in the back of the head. Like a puzzle piece falling into place, my confused mind was neatly organized.
How could I have forgotten? How could I have never thought of it? I had heard his confession and even slept with him, but why hadn’t I thought of it?
I didn’t say I liked him.
I had never confessed to Choi Tae-gyeom that I liked him.
‘You.’
‘Do you like me?’
Memories flashed like lightning. Asking Choi Tae-gyeom if he liked me. Demanding that he pour out pheromones because I was in heat cycle. Even threatening to call Kim Do-hyun to stop him from going back.
‘Sniff, scary, scary… sob…’
I also remembered clinging to Choi Tae-gyeom, crying like a child. Choi Tae-gyeom carefully hugged me, and kissed me lightly with a confession full of affection. The apology he gave, and the unknown expression he showed before starting the act.
“Hyung?”
Even after reviewing all the memories, there was no memory of me saying I liked him. All I had uttered were pleasure-filled moans and occasional comments.
“……”
The realization was accompanied by a slight shock and a sense of futility. Although it was less than an hour, I was disappointed after seeing Choi Tae-gyeom’s back. I was sure he had come to hate the fact that I was an Omega, and I was imagining things on my own.
But what if the hesitation he showed was only because he didn’t realize my feelings? What if he couldn’t be sure because I didn’t give him certainty?
I briefly imagined the opposite scenario. Choi Tae-gyeom goes into rut cycle, and I happen to be by his side and sleep with him. Even though I said I liked him several times, Choi Tae-gyeom doesn’t return a similar confession.
“Hyung?”
Even though it was just an imagination, my chest ached. An indescribable emptiness came over me, as if a hole had been punched in my stomach.
If it were me, I would have lost all motivation after that one experience. I had enjoyed a luck I didn’t deserve with a one-sided feeling, so I would have thought it was time to let go. A relationship that wasn’t clearly defined would eventually become toxic to both of us.
“I’m sorry… but.”
I thought our hearts were connected, but maybe they weren’t. Just as I didn’t know his inner thoughts, he probably didn’t know mine either. The apology he gave, and the expression he made while looking at his phone. All of those things reinforced the conclusion I had come to.
“I have something urgent to do.”
He doesn’t know I like him. No, he can’t know.
“Let’s talk later.”
There was a possibility that it was just my imagination. Maybe he really didn’t like me because I was an Omega, or maybe he didn’t avoid me before that. But no matter which one it was, there was no other way but to fully convey my feelings. That fact made me feel impatient.
“Oppa.”
Min-jeong-ssi spoke lightly to me as I was about to leave the club room. I turned my head with my hand still on the doorknob, and a dry voice spat out the rest of the words.
“I don’t really care whether oppa is an Omega or a Beta.”
Min-jeong-ssi looked at me with a calm gaze. She was always a person with few changes in expression, but today her blunt face was comforting.
“Just because your trait is Omega doesn’t change the fact that you’re Lee Yoon-woo, and it doesn’t mean we wouldn’t have become friends if you were an Omega.”
Even though I didn’t explain it in detail, Min-jeong-ssi seemed to have guessed roughly. What I was worried about, what I was thinking, and why I suddenly cut off my words.
“Right?”
She nudged Park Seong-jae as if asking for his agreement. Park Seong-jae, who had been watching the situation the whole time, nodded in surprise. His large frame moved quickly.
“That’s right!”
Park Seong-jae clenched both fists and expressed his agreement. His clear eyes seemed to show that he was sincere. The anxiousness that had been there before subsided, as if it had never been there.
“…Okay, thank you.”
A faint smile escaped my lips. There were two people who didn’t care what trait I had. Maybe Choi Tae-gyeom would tell me the same thing as these guys. If he said he didn’t care whether I was an Omega or not, I would feel much more comfortable.
“So don’t worry too much.”
The calm words were very kind. It was enough to give me a little bit of leeway in my impatient heart. When you look at it, there’s a reason why both of them have so many people around them.
“I’ll buy you a drink when the exams are over.”
I left the club room, leaving behind the guys who said they would eat something expensive. First, I was going to meet Choi Tae-gyeom. It was only 2 p.m. now, and if nothing happened, he would still be at school. Surely he wouldn’t have gone home without contacting me.
[I’ll wait at the main gate] 02:00pm
The hand sending the message seemed to be trembling slightly. Half tension, half anxiety, and a little bit of excitement. The emotions I had hidden for five years were churning in my heart.
* * *
Looking back, Choi Tae-gyeom was always the one waiting. When we were young, when I avoided him, and when we reunited as adults. He waited, waited, and waited for me. Even going to school together was thanks to him waiting for me in front of my house, so there was nothing more to say.
Maybe that’s why, standing in front of the main gate, the fact that I was waiting for Choi Tae-gyeom felt very awkward. I felt like Choi Tae-gyeom would come any minute, but 10 minutes passed, and 20 minutes passed, and there was no contact from Choi Tae-gyeom.
[Where are you?] 01:22pm
[I’ll wait at the main gate] 02:00pm
[Contact me when you see this] 02:23pm
The time was already approaching 3 p.m. It was time for him to contact me, whether it was a reply or a phone call. I wanted to call him, but I stopped myself in case he was taking an exam.
“…He’s late.”
But waiting without a promise has a knack for creating worries. I looked at my phone so much that the message window was worn out, and as time slowly eroded my patience to the bottom. The thought that was initially a suspicion gradually turned into conviction. All the elements led to a single conclusion.
Ah, he’s really avoiding me.
It was clear that Choi Tae-gyeom was avoiding me. Whether he hated me because I was an Omega, or whether he was scared and hid. He disappeared without even trying to listen to me or trying to resolve things with me. The way he hid without any courage was like looking at myself in the past.
The coldly cooled pheromones wriggled. The hand holding the phone was already entering Choi Tae-gyeom’s number. The eleven-digit number that I had never forgotten filled the screen in the blink of an eye.
And it was the moment I was about to press the call button. If he were taking an exam, he would have turned off his phone. Or, at least, switched it to silent mode. Just as I was rationalizing this, a savior-like voice pierced my ears.
“Isn’t that Tae-gyeom’s friend?”
I reflexively lifted my head. Familiar men were standing not far away. A man with glasses, a man with brightly dyed hair, and a particularly short man.
It wasn’t hard to recall where I had encountered them.
“Hey, your voice is too loud.”
They were the friends who had been with Choi Tae-gyeom at the sushi restaurant and in front of the building earlier. I could tell from the way they were looking at me and whispering among themselves. It was just like last time, even the distinct way I could hear them even though they were clearly whispering.
“What do we do? It looks like he heard.”
“What do you mean, what do we do? We have to apologize.”
“He’s looking at us?”
The fact that Choi Tae-gyeom wasn’t with them wasn’t important. What was important was the feeling that at least they could resolve this frustration. They had been together until just an hour ago, so wouldn’t they also know where he was now?
Before I could think deeply, my legs moved. As I approached, the men flinched. They trembled and stepped back as if they were overly reacting. Especially the man with brightly dyed hair was the most serious.
“Excuse me.”
“Huh.”
They exchanged glances and hesitated. Every time my gaze met one of theirs, their pupils shook uneasily. I ignored the man who was starting with ‘Sorry……’ and asked the question I had wanted to ask since earlier.
“Do you happen to know where Choi Tae-gyeom is?”
* * *
The place they headed to was a lecture room in the College of Business Administration. I didn’t particularly want them to take me there, but they started walking before I could decline. Well, there are many buildings in the College of Business Administration, so this would be better than me searching on my own.
“He’s probably almost done. The exam was from two o’clock.”
Choi Tae-gyeom was taking the exam in a computer lab located on the 6th floor. I heard that he was taking a liberal arts course related to financial accounting, but it was so difficult that it took a long time. I found Choi Tae-gyeom’s profile beyond the back door and secretly let out a sigh of relief.
He really was taking an exam.
I felt awkward. The fact that I had been anxious alone until now felt foolish. He was just taking an exam, but I had been thinking all sorts of things on my own. I should have been preparing myself to confess my feelings during that time.
“Thank you for taking me here.”
I greeted Choi Tae-gyeom’s friends and stepped back. I was going to wait on the lower floor until Choi Tae-gyeom came out. Standing in front of the lecture room was too conspicuous, and he would contact me first when the exam was over.
“No, it’s not difficult or anything……”
The three men said that and followed me closely. At first, I thought our directions overlapped, but the more I walked, the more I felt a stinging sensation on the back of my head. I had a feeling that if I turned my head now, I would meet the eyes of all three of them.
Besides, was it just my imagination? I could hear voices passing the buck. You say it, no you say it, no you, you…….
“Okay, let’s decide with rock-paper-scissors.”
“Let’s end it with one round.”
“Hey, we have to do three rounds.”
I stopped walking abruptly. Pretending not to know had its limits, and it was hard to ignore the sound of ‘Rock-paper-scissors!’ Especially if the result didn’t come out after about four times.
“……Do you have something to say?”
As soon as I turned my head, the man with glasses quickly hid his fist. The other two were showing scissors and paper. It was the fifth round, and the result hadn’t come out.
“Ah, well, that’s……”
The man who had shown scissors opened his mouth. He looked at the other two as if he was a little embarrassed, and then gulped. The way his eyes rolled around was awkward.
“I’m not asking with bad intentions.”
Was he going to ask about the rumors? If he was Choi Tae-gyeom’s friend, he would have definitely heard the rumors. The fact that he was saying he didn’t have bad intentions meant that it was a question that would upset me.
“I’m just really curious……”
I was prepared not to be flustered no matter what question came out. I could even answer if he asked if I had slept with Choi Tae-gyeom. But, making such preparations was useless, and the man brought up a random question.
“Is Choi Tae-gyeom good to you?”
“……Pardon?”
I was at a loss for words. ‘Is he good to you?’ It was something you would ask someone who has a lover. He wouldn’t be literally asking if he was good or not, so…….
“What do you mean by that……”
I asked back in a flustered voice. I couldn’t even guess his intention, let alone know what it meant. Of course, I couldn’t find a proper answer either.
“Ah, that’s……”
The man scratched his cheek with the hand that had shown scissors, looking awkward. Perhaps because he was shorter than the others, his eye level was a little lower than mine. The man, who had subtly avoided my gaze, suddenly made a determined expression.
“I’m Jeon Rae-hyun.”
“……Yes?”
“I’m Jeon Rae-hyun, this is Kang Min-seo, and this is Lee Ji-hoon.”
The man pointed to the dyed hair and the man with glasses in turn. The names that passed by in an instant quickly left my head. I blinked without even thinking of memorizing them, and then he pointed to the lecture room with his thumb.
“We’re seeing Choi Tae-gyeom date someone for the first time.”
“…….”
“We were curious about how he treats his lover.”
Nod, nod, the other two nodded their heads. Their curious gazes showed that what he was saying wasn’t a lie. At the same time, I was at a loss for words again.
“……We’re not dating.”
I couldn’t even say that I liked him. I had heard his confession and slept with him, but we hadn’t exactly decided to date. Choi Tae-gyeom doesn’t know that I like him, and I don’t know if Choi Tae-gyeom still likes me. It was a relationship that couldn’t be easily named.
“Yes?”
This time, it wasn’t me who asked back. The three men looked at me with dumbfounded expressions. From curiosity to embarrassment, from embarrassment to shock. The changes that were visible in front of my eyes were quite dramatic.
“You’re not dating?”
The man with glasses narrowed his brow and asked again. Judging from his sullen face, he didn’t seem to accept my words. When I nodded without answering, this time the dyed hair frowned.
“You slept together without dating?”
“Hey!”
It was a truly explicit expression. I reflexively touched the area around my neck and avoided his gaze. It was covered by a turtleneck, but there were red marks inside the T-shirt. It seemed that the fact that Choi Tae-gyeom and I had slept together was already a foregone conclusion.
“……Why did you think we were dating?”
I asked in the most natural tone possible. Was it because of the rumors, or had Choi Tae-gyeom given them a hint? If it was the former, I needed to correct them, and if it was the latter, it was worth hearing in detail.
“The way Choi Tae-gyeom acts……”
The man with glasses among the three slowly opened his mouth. His gaze was directed upwards as if he was reminiscing about something. The dyed hair continued the rest of the sentence.
“Anyone can see that he’s acting like a brat to someone he likes.”
My face flushed at the word ‘like.The tips of my ears turned red, and the area around my cheeks felt warm.
I knew that Choi Tae-gyeom’s attitude towards me was special. Just as I cherished him, he must have cherished me too. The affection that had become familiar since I was very young was so natural that I couldn’t give it another meaning.
“How can you not be dating?”
The three men exchanged glances for a long time in front of me. I couldn’t bear the embarrassment and covered my eyes with one hand. I didn’t know why I felt so ashamed about this. After knowing Choi Tae-gyeom’s heart, even the trivial parts were embarrassing.
“……Hey, isn’t this unrequited love?”
“…This is a disaster. I think we did something unnecessary.”
“That’s why I told you not to ask.”
Whisper, whisper, I could hear voices. Did they not know that whispering at this distance was meaningless? Through the gaps in my fingers, I could see the three men putting their heads together.
“Did he confess?”
“Can’t you tell? He probably didn’t.”
“No, he might have confessed and been rejected.”
They’re kind of like Park Seong-jae too. They’re clueless, but they don’t have bad intentions, and they’re somehow lacking but also shameless. I felt like I knew how Choi Tae-gyeom became friends with them.
“How do we fix this?”
“I don’t know, what do we do?”
“We have to be shameless in times like these.”
Whether they had finished their countermeasures meeting, the three men lifted their heads with confident expressions. Their appearance was somehow like meerkats in a defensive posture. A meerkat with glasses, a meerkat with a different color, a meerkat that was particularly short.
“Ah, sorry. I think we misunderstood something.”
The meerkat with glasses smiled kindly. It was a fairly natural response.
“We heard it was his heat cycle, so of course……”
“…….”
“…….”
For a brief moment, there was silence. The three meerkats exchanged glances again with serious expressions. Soon, they turned their backs and put their heads together like before.
“……But he might not be an Omega.”
“What are you talking about? I heard he was in heat yesterday.”
“Can you feel the Omega pheromone?”
When the man with glasses spoke, the dyed hair looked at me. Judging from the fact that he was talking about pheromones, he must be an Alpha. The dyed hair stared at me blankly and then crumpled his face like he was crumpling a piece of tissue.
“Bullshit, I guess he’s a Beta.”
“It was a false rumor.”
“That’s why rumors are……”
“I am an Omega.”
I was going to pretend not to know, but for some reason, I couldn’t ignore them. It felt like I was watching them play rock-paper-scissors earlier. If I left them alone, they would talk about a topic that had no answer all night.
“I’m recessive, so I barely have any pheromones.”
The three men who had been looking at me turned their heads again. They didn’t seem to be embarrassed that I was listening.
“But Choi Tae-gyeom doesn’t like Omegas, does he?”
“He doesn’t like them. He was in a bad mood all day last time after an Omega confessed to him.”
“Huh, who? That senior in our department?”
“No, a boy in the Department of Korean Language and Literature.”That’s because he was spreading pheromones.””
“Was it?”
“Yeah, Choi Tae-gyeom’s clothes had a crazy amount of pheromones on them.”
He hates anyone who confesses to him, and come to think of it, there’s a freshman who likes Choi Tae-gyeom. The guys, who had been talking about how the school cafeteria food they ate for lunch was bad in a completely irrelevant flow, looked at me with a ‘oops’ expression.
“Ah, sorry. You’re an Omega?”
“……Let’s go downstairs and talk.”
I slipped them towards the stairs. It was clear that staying in the hallway would be a hindrance to the exam.
“Anyway, the professor is really crazy, right?”
“I know, right. How can he put that on the exam?”
“It’s not even a major, it’s a liberal arts course.”
The conversation that started again didn’t stop until we arrived at the end of the hallway. The topic of this conversation was about ‘the professor who made the exam questions terribly.’ The three men naturally went down the stairs, and I pretended to follow them and slipped back as naturally as possible. Fortunately, they didn’t seem to notice that I wasn’t following them.
“……I’m out of my mind.””
Now, the hallway was quiet. It was so noisy that it felt like there were about two drunken Park Seong-jaes. How does Choi Tae-gyeom hang out with such crazy guys? I could picture him frowning when the chatter started.
I leaned against the wall at the end of the hallway and looked at the lecture room. The time was 3:30. An hour and a half had passed since the exam started. It’s about time he came out. At the same time as I thought that, the lecture room door opened.
“…….”
Choi Tae-gyeom walked out. He was wearing different clothes than yesterday, and he had a bag in one hand. He put his bag on expressionlessly and took out his phone. Even though he was far away, I could see his fingers moving. As he moved slowly, I felt a vibration in my pocket after a slight delay.
Choi Tae-gyeom: [Sorry, the exam just ended] 03:31pm
The congealed emotions melted away. It seemed that my worries were just an illusion. He hadn’t seen the message I sent earlier, and the timing had been off. Just as I was completely relieved, my phone vibrated again.
Choi Tae-gyeom: [Don’t wait, go first. I’ll be late] 03:31pm
The surroundings turned white. The thoughts that had been floating up scattered after a certain point. Only one thing, the message from Choi Tae-gyeom, was stuck in my mind.
“…….”
Almost instinctively, I pressed the call button. Choi Tae-gyeom was in front of me, but I needed a final confirmation. Was he really avoiding me, or was it just my imagination? The dry dial tone made my stomach tense.
“…….”
Answer, answer.
My desperate wish didn’t reach Choi Tae-gyeom. Instead of answering the phone, he watched his phone. He didn’t move his body, and he didn’t blink. His appearance was similar to what I had seen in front of the building earlier.
―The customer is not answering the phone…….
I heard the sound I was most worried about. With a beep―, the answering machine turned on. Forgetting to hang up, I looked at him, and Choi Tae-gyeom put his phone away without a care.
“……,”
I walked towards Choi Tae-gyeom as if possessed. Because it was from one end of the hallway to the other, he didn’t seem to notice that I was approaching. Then, suddenly, he lifted his head, found me, and widened his eyes.
“Lee Yoon-woo?”
“……Hey.”
A stiff tone came out. His surprised expression, and his flustered face, revealed his raw emotions. That told me that Choi Tae-gyeom was really trying to avoid me.
“Why aren’t you answering the phone?”
Choi Tae-gyeom is avoiding me. I was more afraid of that fact than I thought. What if he hates me because I’m an Omega, what if his heart has cooled after sleeping together, what if nothing changes even if I say I like him. Many worries flooded in.
“You.”
But that didn’t mean I wanted to give up. I confessed that I was an Omega, and I heard that he liked me. I had achieved things that I thought were impossible, so shouldn’t I expect a little more? Shouldn’t I at least say, ‘I like you, Choi Tae-gyeom’?
“Let’s talk.”
Choi Tae-gyeom looked at me without answering. After closing his eyes for a brief moment, he lifted his eyelids and answered. His deep gaze was full of unknown emotions.
“Okay.”
* * *
The place we headed to with Choi Tae-gyeom was my house. We didn’t exactly decide on a destination, but as we walked silently, that was the direction we were going. He opened his mouth once to hold my bag and once to tell me to be careful of my feet, but after that, he walked silently half a step behind me.
“…….”
“…….”
Because of that, an awkward silence lingered between Choi Tae-gyeom and me. I had never felt awkward with him before, but for the first time, it was so heavy that I felt nauseous. Because I couldn’t bear the weight, I occasionally let out a stuffy breath.
“Your body,”
Choi Tae-gyeom opened his mouth almost when we arrived in front of my house. He stopped talking, hesitated for a moment, and then finally asked a short question.
“Are you okay?”
“My body?”
Was he talking about my heat cycle? Or was he talking about the muscle pain that had made me gasp this morning? The former is okay, but the latter is a bit overwhelming.
“Your back must hurt a lot.”
His worried voice contained tenderness. Why did he avoid me in circles if he was going to worry about that? And if he asks me so carefully after doing that, how can I answer honestly?
“It’s just bearable.”
In fact, there wasn’t a place that didn’t hurt. Not only did my back hurt, but also my pelvis and thighs. Every time I walked, I felt an indescribable pain. I could somehow not show it, but moving itself was a struggle.
“I guess you’re not okay.”
Choi Tae-gyeom noticed my inner thoughts without a care. I could hear him lightly clicking his tongue and sighing. I stopped walking and turned to look at Choi Tae-gyeom.
“Tae-gyeom.”
His clear eyes passed through the air and stayed on my face. I wanted to look into his small head and see what he was thinking, if only I could. And I wanted to show him what I was thinking too.
“Why are you avoiding me?”
On the day I reunited with him, Choi Tae-gyeom told me not to avoid him. He told me to at least bring a convincing reason if I was going to avoid him, and he finally got an answer. I clearly remembered his face smiling brightly after I said I understood.
“You said you wouldn’t understand if I avoided you without a reason.””
Choi Tae-gyeom blinked without a change in expression. His long, drooping eyelashes fluttered, leaving afterimages. Soon, he let out a hollow laugh and muttered.
“…You remember things like that so well.”
I thought he would deny it, but he readily admitted it. He even playfully added that it would be okay to avoid it if there was a reasonable reason.
“I’m saying this so you don’t misunderstand, it has nothing to do with you being an Omega.”
It felt like the tension was easing. Choi Tae-gyeom mentioned the part I had been worried about all day without a care. He casually reassured me that it was okay for me to be an Omega. The churning in my stomach calmed down.
“It’s just my problem.”
Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromone had already sunk into a gloomy state. His blurry expression, and his blurry voice, made it impossible to see what he was thinking.
“I just didn’t want you to be an Omega.”
I wanted to ask what that meant. He said it didn’t matter that I was an Omega, but now he was saying he didn’t want me to be an Omega. Did he even realize that the two things he said were full of contradictions? He opened his mouth faintly.
“You slept with me because of your heat.”
The words ‘because of heat’ were very subtle. It was true that I was in my heat cycle, but even if he had left, I had no intention of calling anyone else. I was in heat, and Choi Tae-gyeom happened to be there. It was an event that happened because Choi Tae-gyeom said he liked me.
“And I slept with you knowing that.”
Choi Tae-gyeom lowered his eyes slightly. He seemed to be recalling last night, and I thought his expression was very sensual, which was inappropriate for the situation.
“I can make you like you were last night right now.”
With those words, the pheromone floating in the air increased. Perhaps because he was conscious of the fact that I was an Omega, the amount was less than usual, but I could understand what he wanted to say. Choi Tae-gyeom probably wanted to emphasize the danger of his pheromone.
“I can make you want to sleep with me, whether you’re in heat or not.”
Even without that, I had already experienced it once. At the Japanese restaurant, I was intoxicated by Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromone and masturbated. It wasn’t heat, and it wasn’t a pheromone to make me horny, but I reacted to him helplessly.
“Do you know how scary this is?”
Choi Tae-gyeom, who said that, was unfamiliar. No, to be precise, it had been a long time. It was the remnant of a trauma that he had never revealed except when he was very young.
“Lee Yoon-woo, you.”
His fingertips touched the edge of my cheek. His hand, which approached like a feather falling, slowly caressed my entire cheek.
“Even if you don’t like me.”
His warm body temperature reached my cheek and then my ear. Choi Tae-gyeom, who stroked me as if he were touching something fragile, moved away with a slight regret.
“I can make you have sex with me.”
So? I wanted to ask. The assumption that I didn’t like him was useless. I liked Choi Tae-gyeom, and the danger he was talking about couldn’t harm me at all. But the premise was already wrong, so it wasn’t easy to point out the error.
“If I lose my mind like I did yesterday.”
“……”
“I’ll hold you against your will when you’re struggling, make you cry, and hurt you. And if you say you hate me.”
Choi Tae-gyeom’s eyes sank coldly. A hint of mockery was revealed beyond his cold expression. The corners of his lips, which were curled up, were more self-deprecating than ever.
“Then who loses?”
“What does that…”
My lips twitched. The words I wanted to say kept swirling in my mouth. Where should I start, and how should I say it? How should I say it so that my heart would be accurately conveyed? I couldn’t organize my thoughts at all.
“I.”
In the end, I revealed my thoughts only after clearing my throat briefly. It was a question that would make Choi Tae-gyeom laugh in disbelief.
“Don’t you think I might like you?”
“I do.”
The answer was simple. Choi Tae-gyeom, who said he knew I liked him, added firmly.
“As someone I have to protect.”
He didn’t show any expectations. The expectation that I would like him, the expectation that we would feel the same way, the expectation that our night together would be a good experience for me too.
The desire to simply not be hated by me was much smaller than I thought.
“You’ve always been like that.”
“……”
“You do everything I ask you to do, and you can’t refuse anything I ask you to do.”
“……”
“What’s with that sense of duty…”
It wasn’t a sense of duty. Yes, I should have denied it, but after hearing the following words, I couldn’t say anything.
“Let’s stop now.”
My head was spinning. Stop what? I couldn’t even remember what I was trying to say. Choi Tae-gyeom, who was looking at me with his eyes lowered, said in a calm voice.
“This is enough.”
I felt like my emotions were collapsing. All my motivation was shattered at once, as if a corner of my heart had been emptied. We were clearly looking at each other, but what was reflected in his eyes wasn’t me.
“I can’t do it anymore because I feel sorry.”
Choi Tae-gyeom turned his head as soon as he finished speaking. His averted gaze seemed to declare that everything was over. I followed his face and opened my mouth haltingly.
“…I didn’t hate sleeping with you.”
“……”
“It wasn’t because of a sense of duty either.”
Now, I understood the apology he had given me. It wasn’t just an apology for losing his mind. It was an apology for pouring out pheromones, for forcing me to get aroused when I didn’t want to, for all of that.
“I just…”
I was going to say that it was because I liked him. I had come to find Choi Tae-gyeom for this one word from the beginning. But before I could say the words, a low voice returned.
“One month.”
It felt like cold water was being poured on me. My head cooled down, and my complicated mind became calm.
“I’ll sort things out within that time.”
Choi Tae-gyeom, who said he liked me, and Choi Tae-gyeom, who said he would sort things out, overlapped. It was a confession that was so shocking that I was speechless.
“Give up?”
“Yeah.”
Had a short syllable ever felt so cold? I had never once firmly decided to give up while I liked him.
“I’m going to stop.”
One month. I knew how short that was. It took three months just to get used to the pheromones after the presentation, and it took half a year for Choi Tae-gyeom to stop appearing in my dreams. One month was too short for me to kill my feelings.
“I don’t want to control you with pheromones.”
I had never thought about this. The reason why Choi Tae-gyeom was rejecting me was so different from what I had thought. My head was so dazed that it was hard to breathe evenly.
“I’m not even sure I won’t do that again.”
I blinked, opening and closing my eyes. Choi Tae-gyeom cut off all pheromones and stroked my hair. His large hand caressed the top of my head, the back of my head, and my ears, and then moved away.
“I’m going now.”
I’ve been seeing the back of his head a lot lately, something I’ve never seen in my life. And really, only the back of his head as he leaves me. He didn’t look back, and he walked away from me with his usual upright gait.
I knew I had to hold him back. I also had a feeling that if I let him go now, it might really be the end. But my body, which was frozen as if it had been frozen, didn’t listen to what my head was saying.
Chase after Choi Tae-gyeom. Grab him and tell him you like him. And then… what do I do then?
‘You.’
‘Do you like me?’
Suddenly, a memory came to mind. The fact that I had revealed to him that I was an Omega, the fact that I had asked him if he liked me, and the answer Choi Tae-gyeom had given me that day.
‘You really.’
‘Are you just realizing that now?’
You still don’t know,
Ironically, I felt wronged. The resentment that had risen without a target was finally aimed at Choi Tae-gyeom. Why don’t you ask me just once? Just take courage once. If you had shown even a slight expectation, I would have taken his hand without hesitation.
Choi Tae-gyeom’s conclusion was cruel. Before I could convey my feelings, he showed me the end of his emotions. I expected it, and he gave up on it. The one step that didn’t reach was as disappointing as I had expected.