(5) Fever

When I was a senior in high school, there was a time when I stayed up all night studying for the college entrance exam. Choi Tae-gyeom, my parents, and even my homeroom teacher told me to take care of my health, but it didn’t work for me, who was already feeling anxious.

It was one of my only chronic problems. When I felt burdened or thought something was difficult, I would become obsessively immersed in it. Even if I thought about giving up, I couldn’t, and even though I knew I should do it in moderation, I couldn’t. Once I had a negative thought, I couldn’t hear anyone until the negative feeling subsided.

“You’re really going to get into trouble if you keep doing that.”

Around that time, Choi Tae-gyeom, who was in a different class, worried about me every day on the way to school. He would examine my complexion with a serious expression, and if my bag seemed a little heavy, he would take it without hesitation. It was also his job to put his hand on my forehead or check if my throat was swollen.

“I’m worried.”

I brushed off other people’s worries, but I couldn’t do that with Choi Tae-gyeom’s worries. He was the one who watched me most often and closely. How could I ignore him when he stayed in my classroom until the start of class and then came to see me every break?

Of course, listening to his worries didn’t change my behavior. I continued to overdo it despite his worries.

Then summer vacation started. As high school students usually do, the vacation period was replaced with ‘mandatory’ attendance disguised as ‘voluntary’ study, but the problem was that I, who was particularly vulnerable to air conditioning, caught a cold.

A fever of over 38 degrees in weather that exceeded 30 degrees. I left home in a daze, but Choi Tae-gyeom, who touched my forehead, resolutely stopped me.

“Rest at home today.”

In fact, even I knew that my condition wasn’t normal. I was skipping meals and not getting enough sleep, so it would be strange if my body was healthy. I should have rested at home as Choi Tae-gyeom said, but the pressure of the college entrance exam blocked everything.

“I’m okay.”

“You’re not okay…”

“Really, I’m okay.”

In the end, I went to school with Choi Tae-gyeom. He muttered once while fixing my hair and once while carrying my bag, saying, ‘What’s wrong with taking a day off?’ and ‘Who can stop Lee Yoon-woo’s stubbornness?’, but in the end, he couldn’t stop me.

“Tell me if you’re having a hard time.”

Even after arriving at school, Choi Tae-gyeom checked my condition several times. He frowned at the strong air conditioning and took out a gym uniform top from his bag and wrapped it around me. Not satisfied with that, he brought a blanket from somewhere and covered me with it.

“Ha, why are we in different classes…”

I remember him muttering with a frown. He even asked my classmate, whom he had never spoken to, to tell him if I was having a hard time.

You’re really overdoing it. Choi Tae-gyeom simply stroked my hair lightly in response to my small mutter.

Fortunately, it wasn’t difficult to get through the morning classes. Although every teacher who came into the classroom asked, ‘Yoon-woo, are you really okay?’, I was okay anyway. I even felt like Choi Tae-gyeom was overdoing it by coming to see me every break.

“Are you really not going home?”

“There’s only self-study left, why would I go?”

“You should leave early even more because it’s self-study.”

As soon as lunchtime came, Choi Tae-gyeom brought hot porridge in a thermos. He said his parents made it for me. The warm egg porridge was very delicious, but my stomach felt bloated because my fever was too high.

“I can’t eat any more.”

Choi Tae-gyeom cleared away the porridge without complaint and handed me medicine. I didn’t even go to the hospital, but how did he have antipyretics and cold medicine? I joked that he was well-prepared, and he replied with a wronged voice, “It’s because of you.”

Anyway, he was a kind guy. What friend in the world would pack porridge and medicine for a sick friend? It was only possible to nag and take care of me consistently if he cared about me. He held on to me until the end, not giving up on me, whom even my parents had given up on.

I felt something was wrong with my condition just before lunchtime ended. He had been touching my forehead every five minutes, and his anxiety reached its peak, so he grabbed my arm and said we should go to the infirmary. I also felt like something was wrong, so I got up from my seat and followed him without complaint.

But as soon as I got up, my vision spun. The surroundings turned black, and I heard ringing in my ears. The light gathered, then spread, and everything was messed up and scattered.

“I’m dizzy…”

I can’t walk.

I don’t know if I said those words or not. My mind was fading away, and the last thing I saw was Choi Tae-gyeom’s face, pale with fear.

“…Lee Yoon-woo!”

After that, it was a series of nightmares. I climbed a mountain that never ended, no matter how high I climbed, and I walked a road that never ended, no matter how far I walked. I couldn’t even tell if it was a dream or reality, and bombs were exploding everywhere, and my insufficient breath suffocated my neck.

I felt like I was going to die like this. I should have stayed home from the college entrance exam and rested. Amidst various regrets, I grabbed someone with the feeling of grabbing a lifeline. Fortunately, the other person didn’t push me away and gently stroked my hair.

Sleepiness quickly washed over me. My condition gradually improved each time a cold hand stroked me. The careful touch passed over my sweat-soaked hair and reached my forehead, cheeks, and neck as if comforting me. I think I also felt a soft touch on my lips along with the hand that gently rubbed my cheeks.

And when I opened my eyes, I was home.

A familiar ceiling, a familiar bed, and an even more familiar face.

“…Choi Tae-gyeom?”

Choi Tae-gyeom looked at me with those deep eyes of his. If it weren’t for his slowly blinking eyelids, I would have believed that time had stopped. There wasn’t even the slightest tremor in his tightly closed lips or his gaze towards me.

I felt strange. The washcloth placed by my head, the fan spinning with a rattling sound, and even the guy with an unreadable expression. My lips twitched for no reason, and my throat felt sore.

That was even more so because Choi Tae-gyeom’s face was dripping with ‘worry’.

It was too heavy to be for a sick friend. It wasn’t an emotion meant to be shown, but rather closer to the remnants of an uneasiness that he couldn’t quite manage. Was I seeing things because I was sick? That was also true. The emotion he was showing was so much more intense than anything before.

Everything was unfamiliar. In the midst of all that, Choi Tae-gyeom, who let out a faint sigh, called my name softly.

“Lee Yoon-woo.”

I felt like my heart was sinking. The name that was always called felt sweet at that moment. The way he lowered his eyes, the way he messed up his hair as if he was going crazy, and even the way he narrowed his brows while meeting my gaze.

“Anyway, you have a way of making people worry.”

There were many things I wanted to ask. How I ended up at home, why he was here. What was the reason for the bandage on my arm, and why, why was he looking at me with that expression?

But putting all those things aside, only one thought came to mind.

“I went to the hospital.”

I like you.

“I got an IV, and they said there was nothing wrong, so I brought you here.”

I like him.

The small emotion that had bloomed grew in a very short moment. It wasn’t long before my throbbing heart was consumed and my throat was blocked.

“Your parents went back to work.”

If you ask me why, I want to say I don’t know. Was I out of my mind because I was sick, or was I crazy from the heat? Or maybe I had just discovered an emotion that I hadn’t noticed before.

I like Choi Tae-gyeom.

The moment I realized it, it was irreversible. My heart was beating so loudly that I couldn’t even hear what he was saying.

I’m screwed.

As I was thinking that, he slowly reached out his hand.

“Are you still sick?”

His cool hand touched my forehead. I felt like I had sweated a bucket while sleeping, but he touched my forehead without any hesitation. Choi Tae-gyeom’s hand was so big that it covered my entire forehead and even covered the area around my eyes.

“You don’t have a fever…”

I felt like a confession would come out if I opened my mouth. That I liked him. That I loved him. I might tell him without holding back. Whether I was intoxicated by the atmosphere or by the cold, one thing was certain: I wasn’t in my right mind.

“…My head hurts.”

So I told him in a whiny voice, and fortunately, Choi Tae-gyeom covered me with a blanket without complaint. He wrung out a washcloth and placed it on my forehead, and patted my chest with clumsy hands. My heart pounded at the touch of his patting hand.

“Sleep more.”

There was no way I could sleep. My fever was already gone, and my condition was close to perfect except for feeling lethargic. I had finally gotten a good night’s sleep and even had an IV, so the accumulated fatigue must have been relieved. To make matters worse, I could feel his gaze even though I had closed my eyes.

“…What about school?”

“Is school important right now?”

I opened my mouth haltingly, but the overwhelming emotion didn’t subside. I was choked up once again by Choi Tae-gyeom’s gentle voice.

“Your parents are going to be late.”

“…”

“I’ll be here until they come, so sleep well.”

It was common for us to take care of each other when we were sick. When Choi Tae-gyeom was sick, I would always take care of him until his parents came. Of course, it was also natural for Choi Tae-gyeom to stay by my side.

“Sleep, and let’s eat and take medicine when you wake up.”

His gentle tone was engraved in my heart. It was just another ordinary day, but that day felt special. The same was true of Choi Tae-gyeom’s words that followed.

“Don’t make me worry so much.”

My molars ached. My fingertips tingled, and my eyes felt strangely sore. I like you, Choi Tae-gyeom. The one word I couldn’t say wandered around my chest.

After that, Choi Tae-gyeom comforted me for a very long time. Until my throbbing heart calmed down and my hazy mind fell into the abyss of sleep again. And until the thought that I liked him came to mind countless times.

Nineteen, the beginning of a terrible fever.

The campus was full of spring air. The leaves that were just sprouting, the flower buds that were carefully peeking out, and the couples that had sprung up like mushrooms, intoxicated by the atmosphere. As if the season of spring was casting some kind of magic, even the guys who were usually dry as a bone were wandering around campus looking for someone to date.

“Hyung, how do I look today?”

Among them, Park Seong-jae, whom I met in the lecture hall, was more enthusiastic about courtship than anyone else. The way he was touching his hair and dressing up was different from his usual sloppy appearance. The white shirt and cotton pants suited Park Seong-jae’s physique well, but I couldn’t help but feel like a bear was dressing up.

“You’re dressed nicely.”

I lowered my mask and replied indifferently. Park Seong-jae, who was smoothing his hair, tilted his head, wondering why I was wearing a mask.

“Just, a cold.”

“Ugh, colds are bad these days.”

I hadn’t been feeling well since morning. It wasn’t like one particular part of me hurt, but overall I felt weak and didn’t have any strength in my body. In my long experience, this was definitely the prelude to a cold. If I let my guard down even a little, I would get a fever in the blink of an eye.

“Do you have plans today?”

“Yeah, I’m meeting a girl I was introduced to later.”

Park Seong-jae had a smile on his face. He grinned so wide that his mouth was practically reaching his ears, and he hummed as he straightened his collar. I suddenly felt a sense of déjà vu at the sight.

“…What about the girl you were introduced to last time?”

I remembered him dressing up not too long ago. He had neatly styled his hair and put a lot of effort into his outfit. His hairstyle, his clothes, and even his expression were vaguely the same as Park Seong-jae’s that day.

“Who?”

“Why, Min-jeong-ssi’s friend.”

“Ah, her.”

Park Seong-jae let out a sigh as if he hadn’t thought about it. His hands, which were neatly organizing his major books, were full of excitement. He was humming along with it.

“She’s a recessive Alpha.”

As far as I remembered, the person Park Seong-jae was introduced to was a tall woman with long hair. She had been friends with Min-jeong-ssi since high school, and Min-jeong-ssi had kindly arranged the meeting, saying that she liked big guys like Park Seong-jae. I thought it was going well since they met a few times, but it seemed like it didn’t work out.

“I guess even recessive Omegas are good if you can’t feel pheromones. She said she was too recessive, so she was going to try meeting a Beta, but she was sorry it wouldn’t work out.”

She was an Alpha. The reason I couldn’t feel her pheromones must have been because we were both recessive.

“What can I do if she’s attracted to pheromones? There aren’t many Alphas and Omegas to begin with, so I, a Beta, have to give way.”

Park Seong-jae seemed to have accepted reality calmly. No, it seemed like he had naturally given up because he was looking forward to the person he was being introduced to. He looked at his face in the phone screen and let out a small exclamation.

“Oh, right. I saw him dating a girl from the same department a while ago, you know?”

“A girl from the same department… an Omega?”

“Yeah, an Omega. He said he liked big people, but he’s dating someone super cute.”

He was drawn to the pheromones, Park Seong-jae shrugged lightly.

“Seeing that, I sometimes wish I was an Alpha or an Omega.”

What would it be like to be drawn to pheromones? Kim Do-hyun too, and the girl Park Seong-jae was introduced to as well. I’m an Omega, but I’ve never really thought of pheromones as an important factor. In the first place, I can hardly feel other people’s pheromones unless it’s Choi Tae-gyeom, so that’s even more so.

“I’m curious about pheromones, if nothing else.”

“Want a cigarette?”

“Hey, it’s not the same thing.”

The cigarettes I smoke were made for Betas like Park Seong-jae. Products that artificially create pheromone scents so that those who can’t feel pheromones can experience them. Of course, like most artificial scents, it was definitely different from the real thing.

“Hyung, aren’t you curious about Choi Tae-gyeom-sunbae’s pheromones too? Everyone’s making such a fuss about how good they are.”

“Well… it’s not like I’ve never been curious.”

Before my presentation, I was curious about Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromones too. I was also curious about what pheromones were that made everyone so crazy.

As for the pheromones I actually smelled after my presentation… well… to be honest, it should be considered that objective judgment was already impossible around that time. I liked Choi Tae-gyeom even before my presentation, and after my presentation, I was excited just by the fact that the pheromones were Choi Tae-gyeom’s. Even if it smelled like garbage, I would have felt good.

“Well, if you had felt the pheromones, that would have been awkward in its own way. It would be embarrassing between friends.”

Park Seong-jae, who had come to his own conclusion, nodded. I couldn’t affirm or deny it, so I rested my chin on my hand and lowered my gaze. There’s more than one memory of being troubled by actually feeling Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromones. Thinking that, my mouth naturally opened.

“Pheromones are just uncomfortable. When the cycle comes around, it interferes with daily life.”

“Really? I thought it would be okay since there’s periodic absence.”

For Alpha’s rut cycle and Omega’s heat cycle, schools and companies have a ‘periodic absence’ system. It was a system where you could be absent once a month by submitting a doctor’s note. They used to be subtle about it, but these days, the system is so well established legally that it’s being actively used. Of course, problems still exist.

“It’s a hassle to get that diagnosis. Besides, if you can’t come to school, you’re the one who ends up losing out.”

In order to get a diagnosis, you had to go to the hospital and undergo all sorts of tests. The amount was too much for a one-time absence, and besides, if the cycle was so bad that you couldn’t come to school, it was dangerous to even go to the hospital.

In fact, Choi Tae-gyeom took a break from school after his presentation, but after his pheromones stabilized, he endured with suppressants even when his cycle came around. Even if they approved the absence, the school wouldn’t take responsibility for the class progress or homework. Naturally, it was more advantageous to suppress it if possible.

“I guess so, that makes sense.”

Park Seong-jae nodded as if he understood roughly. Then, he casually spat out.

“But hyung knows a lot.”

I flinched and straightened my back. It was because I reacted like a thief with a guilty conscience without realizing it. Park Seong-jae didn’t even look at me and understood on his own.

“As expected, it’s different if you’re childhood friends with an Alpha.”

“……”

Such a simple guy. He’s doing everything himself, playing the drum and the janggu. Humming, the humming doesn’t stop, so it seems like he’s just saying whatever comes to mind. Well, that look wasn’t so bad.

“Are you that happy?”

Being happy at the thought of meeting someone, and looking forward to the meeting in a fully decorated appearance (even if it looks like a bear dressed up for the breeding season). I even thought it was a little cute.

“Of course, I’m happy.”

Park Seong-jae answered confidently. His already round eyes are especially sparkling today.

“I’m dying to be in a relationship. I’ve been alone for so long that I feel like all my relationship cells have died.”

As far as I know, he had more times when he had a lover than when he didn’t. He had a lover before he went to the army, and he had a lover right after he was discharged. Although the meetings weren’t long, I remembered him doing his best every time he met someone.

“Don’t you date, hyung?”

At the same time as Park Seong-jae asked the question, the professor opened the classroom door and entered. He was one of only two Omega professors at our school, and the pheromones that I usually didn’t even feel were especially clear today.

Come to think of it, I heard that professor was dominant. It was out of the blue, but I was glad that Choi Tae-gyeom wasn’t taking this class.

“Do I date alone?”

I pulled up the mask that had been lowered to my chin. My condition wasn’t good, so even trivial things bothered me. In the meantime, the professor was calling attendance one by one.

“There are a lot of kids around who want you to introduce them, hyung…”

Park Seong-jae was looking at me like he was trying to get me to join the club last time. Just by looking at the way he was fidgeting, I could fully predict what kind of offer he would make to me.

As expected, he opened his mouth with a slightly hesitant look.

“Would you like to be introduced to someone, if you’re okay with it?”

“I have someone I like.”

It was an answer that came out almost reflexively. I was just thinking that I should refuse, but it came out like we had memorized it together.

“What!”

Even I, who brought up the story, was embarrassed, so how could Park Seong-jae, who heard the words, not be? Park Seong-jae, who shouted so loudly that the classroom echoed, lowered his shoulders after receiving the professor’s sharp gaze. Perhaps it was his turn, the professor called Park Seong-jae’s name.

“Is your name Park Seong-jae?”

“…I’m sorry.”

Park Seong-jae was so discouraged that he looked like he was about to cry. It’s already a difficult subject, but he’s been marked from the beginning, so the future will be difficult.

Fortunately, the professor soon called the next person, and the guy who was slowly looking around leaned his body towards me.

“Who is it? How old are they? Are they a man? A woman? Beta? Or another type?”

He was about to run out of breath. I was taken aback by the enthusiastic reaction, so I moved away from Park Seong-jae with a sullen expression.

“Why are you so curious?”

“No, not just anyone, but hyung…!”

The voice grew louder as it went on, to the point where it was meaningless to whisper. Knowing that fact himself, Park Seong-jae slowly caught his breath.

“Hyung, you have someone you like, how can I not be like this!”

This guy sometimes reacts strongly to one word I say. He did so when I said I had never been in a relationship, and he did so when I said I had never received a confession. Now he’s even surprised that I have someone I like.

“It was a slip of the tongue. Just let it go.”

“Ah, hyung!”

The professor glared at Park Seong-jae. If he made another noise, not only Park Seong-jae but I might get marked. I poked Park Seong-jae’s side, and he made a ‘kuek’ sound and lowered his head.

“…Who is it, huh?”

“Take the class.”

“I can’t take the class today because I’m curious. I’m ruined. It’s all because of hyung.”

“Then don’t listen.”

I rested my chin on my hand on Park Seong-jae’s side and looked at the blackboard. The PPT that the professor put up was full of all sorts of squiggly English. Park Seong-jae, who was making whimpering, puppy-like noises, opened his mouth in a subtle voice.

“How old are they? Just tell me that, I really, really won’t bother you.”

I didn’t really intend to hide it. Kim Do-hyun already knows, so it doesn’t make a big difference if one more person knows. In the first place, these guys don’t even have enough friendship to tell Choi Tae-gyeom.

“Same age. Now really take the class.”

“Same age?”

Even though I told him the age, Park Seong-jae’s reaction was sullen. If they’re the same age, are they twenty-five? The guy who muttered that presented a question in an effeminate tone.

“Hyung, you don’t have any friends.”

“……”

“No, don’t look at me like that.”

This bastard.

I frowned slightly, but I didn’t have anything to refute. Because I retook the entrance exam, all my classmates were younger, and I didn’t even interact with the seniors who were the same age. I understood why Park Seong-jae was looking at me strangely, saying that I didn’t have any friends.

“……Are friends only in college?”

Park Seong-jae’s eyes widened at the sullen reply. As if he had found a good prey, a different color appeared in his eyes.

“Wow, are they high school friends? Or middle school?”

I shouldn’t have believed him when he said he wouldn’t bother me. Knowing Park Seong-jae’s personality, he would definitely dig persistently until he identified the other person. Why did I forget that he was as interested in other people’s love lives as he was in dating?

“I don’t know. Take the class.”

“Eeing, hyung-ah.”

Even though I cut him off firmly, Park Seong-jae didn’t give up. The guy who shook my shoulder as if he was acting cute leaned his head slightly. Perhaps because he witnessed the huge aegyo, I heard someone in the back row coughing and choking.

“You know I have a heavy mouth.”

A heavy mouth, indeed. ‘Min-jeong-ssi also likes hyung’ is still clearly remembered. How Park Seong-jae took my dumbfounded expression, he shook my shoulder once again, saying ‘eeing’.

“I won’t tell anyone. Anyway, it’s going to be someone I don’t know.”

It’s someone you know. The words that couldn’t come out got stuck in my throat. Park Seong-jae slightly lowered his upper body and spoke in a subtle voice.

“So… a Beta?”

“……”

“They’re a Beta, right?”

I decided in my heart that I shouldn’t tell him. What kind of reaction would he show if I told the guy who believed without a shred of doubt that they were a Beta that the other person was Choi Tae-gyeom? He would react loudly like he did earlier, or he would show it like crazy every time he saw Choi Tae-gyeom.

“If you say one more word, I’m quitting the club.”

“……”

The effect was immediate. Park Seong-jae closed his mouth like a clam shell and opened his major book. Looking at his tightly closed lips, it seems like it will be quiet at least this time. Of course, he will pour out endless questions after the lecture is over.

A shallow sigh seeped out. Perhaps because I was wearing a mask, I felt stuffy for no reason. The sensitivity that brushed against the tip of my nose was especially sharp today. I glanced at the place where Park Seong-jae was pretending to listen to the class more diligently than anyone else.

As soon as the lecture was over, a message came. All classes except for the morning lecture were canceled. At the sudden news of the cancellation, Park Seong-jae dragged me to the club room, saying ‘that’s right’. I was thinking of running away under the pretext of class, but now even the school wasn’t helping me.

“What, why is everyone gathered here?”

Club members, including Min-jeong-ssi, were gathered in the club room. No matter how short the number of people was, the central club was still the central club, and the spacious interior had sofas and even a makeshift bed. As soon as they saw me, the club members who jumped up from their seats bowed.

“Oh… yeah, hello.”

They were all people who had been to drinking parties together, but I didn’t know anyone’s name except for Min-jeong-ssi. Come to think of it, I didn’t remember introducing myself at the drinking party. All I remember is that most of them drank like Park Seong-jae.

“Oppa, what’s going on?”

Min-jeong-ssi jumped up as soon as she saw me. Seeing that she was occupying the makeshift bed alone, I thought that Kim Min-jeong’s personality hadn’t gone anywhere. Her wide eyes seemed to show how surprised she was.

“Park Seong-jae dragged me here.”

I answered nonchalantly and went inside. Every time I moved, ambiguous gazes followed me. They greeted me, but it seemed like it was an awkward relationship to even say anything. Min-jeong-ssi moved her body to the side to make room.

“It’s okay, you lie down.”

It looked comfortable. Min-jeong-ssi smiled and shrugged. She only offered it out of courtesy, and it seemed like she had no intention of giving up her seat.

“I heard you were a ghost member, so I didn’t think you’d even show your face.”

“I was originally planning to do that, but…”

I felt burdened by the gazes that were pouring in. Even when I sat on the empty sofa, the club members’ gazes were directed at me. Half of them were familiar faces, and half of them were unfamiliar faces.

Tuk, tuk, Min-jeong-ssi, who was touching her cell phone, brought up the story in an effeminate way.

“We were talking about oppa anyway.”

“Talking about Yoon-woo-hyung?”

It was Park Seong-jae who reacted. Park Seong-jae, who strode to the opposite side, plopped down on the sofa. When he narrowed his eyebrows at the words ‘talking about oppa’, the club members awkwardly averted their gazes.

“Why, Choi Tae-gyeom-sunbae came when we were drinking. The kids kept asking what the relationship between the two of you was.”

“Did you talk about that again?”

That damn Choi Tae-gyeom. I let out a hollow laugh. I only had a drink together, but is that something that will be talked about until today? I thought they weren’t interested for some reason, but they were talking among themselves without me knowing.

“Choi Tae-gyeom must be pretty famous.”

“That’s also true, but it’s also because it’s hard to get close to oppa.”

“Why is it hard to get close to me?”

I asked back without any meaning, but an awkward silence fell. Not only Min-jeong-ssi, but also Park Seong-jae, who was still excited, and the club members who weren’t close to me. I felt burdened by the subtle gazes.

“Anyway, oppa is…”

Min-jeong-ssi clicked her tongue briefly and touched her cell phone before lying down on the bed. The way she was covering herself with a blanket and wriggling around was just like her own home.

Min-jeong-ssi, who only showed her eyes, looked at me and asked.

“We’re going to order delivery food, would oppa like to eat something too?”

“I’ll have pork.”

Park Seong-jae answered instead. Min-jeong-ssi’s face crumpled at the selection of the menu without hesitation.

“I didn’t ask you. What about oppa?”

“I don’t feel like it.”

Now that it had come to this, I was thinking of spending some time and going back. Park Seong-jae seemed to have forgotten his original purpose, and it would be strange to go back as soon as I came, so. Anyway, all the afternoon classes were canceled, so I could just eat lunch and go home late.

“Tell Seong-jae to order one more thing he wants to eat.”

Still, some club members were looking at me with curious eyes. They must have heard the story of ‘childhood friends’ from Min-jeong-ssi, but it seems like they want to hear it directly from my mouth. Of course, I didn’t want to say that I was friends with Choi Tae-gyeom again.

“I’ll give you my card, so pay with this.”

“Rabokki.”

Park Seong-jae made a firm voice as soon as the words were finished. The polite greeting of ‘Thank you, hyung-nim’ was a bonus. Tsk tsk, Min-jeong-ssi, who clicked her tongue, stretched out her hand and took the card.

“But oppa, why are you wearing a mask? Do you have a cold?”

Jing, I felt a vibration in my pocket. I thought it was a payment message, but the sender was Choi Tae-gyeom. As soon as I read ‘At lunch…’, the vibration rang again.

[Web Message]

[NB Check] Today’s Snack

48,200 won Mr./Ms. Lee

“I have a bit of a cold.””

I turned off the text and lowered my mask slightly. The outside air was chilly, so I wore it, but I didn’t intend to wear it even indoors. I was worried about the Omega pheromones earlier, but there are only Betas here, so it should be okay.

“Don’t you have to go to the hospital?”

“It’s not that bad…”

Choi Tae-gyeom: [Let’s eat lunch together] 11:32am

Choi Tae-gyeom’s message was concise. As concise as it was, the words I could answer were also limited. I was writing a message saying that I was going to eat with the club members, but suddenly the hairs on my head stood on end.

“……”

The air was strange. Deep inside my lungs, Alpha pheromones that weren’t even here permeated. It was a slightly heavy and thick smell. The amount wasn’t large, but it was enough to subtly brush against the tip of my nose.

“…Did Kim Do-hyun come to the club room?”

It was easy to identify the owner of the pheromones. I could tell because I had become familiar with Kim Do-hyun for several days. I swallowed hard, following my throat.

“He came for a while and went out to buy a drink. Why?”

I pulled up my mask as if nothing was wrong. Perhaps because my condition was poor, my five senses were especially sensitive today. No matter how dominant Kim Do-hyun is, there’s no reason why the traces left so finely should bother me. Didn’t I have a normal conversation even when he openly poured out pheromones?

“It’s nothing…”

I couldn’t say that I felt the pheromones. How could I, who was pretending to be a Beta among Betas, mention pheromones? I blurred the end of my words, hiding my uneasy feelings, but suddenly one possibility came to mind.

“Just, I thought so.”

The possibility was slim, but it wasn’t impossible. Symptoms similar to a cold, intermittent fever, and a body sensitive to pheromones.

Is it a heat cycle?

My head cooled down. The cycle isn’t here yet, and I didn’t forget to take the suppressants. Because I’m so recessive, I only experience heat once every four months, while others experience it once a month, so it doesn’t make sense for the heat cycle to come like this.

“Would oppa like a drink too?”

Yeah, it’s definitely nonsense… My fingertips trembled with anxiety.

“It’s okay.”

It felt like my insides were turning upside down. I reflexively rummaged through my bag and found the suppressant and the square pack of cigarettes I always carried. I wasn’t just looking; I even put my hand in my bag to feel them. As soon as I held the round pill bottle in my hand, the tension that had been building up seemed to melt away.

“……”

It was an overreaction. I shouldn’t be going into heat cycle, and even if I did, I could handle it with just the suppressant and cigarettes. It must just be that I had a cold, and parts that I wouldn’t normally care about were bothering me. When you’re sick, you naturally become more sensitive.

Thinking that way made me feel a lot better. The stiffness in my head slowly relaxed. I opened the phone screen, which had quickly gone dark, and the sentence I hadn’t finished was blinking on the screen. I had typed and saved, ‘Eating with club members.’ I wrote the rest of the sentence with trembling hands and put my phone away. Or, I tried to put it away.

Choi Tae-gyeom: [Who are the club members?] 11:36am

Buzz, the vibration rang again. It was like he was watching the phone; the reply came back in less than a minute.

I don’t even know their names, so would Choi Tae-gyeom know if I told him? I glanced around, but as expected, the only people I knew were Park Seong-jae and Min-jeong-ssi.

[The kids we drank with that day] 11:37am

So I replied roughly, and again, a reply came back quickly. This time, it was a question that was difficult to answer.

Choi Tae-gyeom: [Kim Do-hyun too?] 11:37am

What should I say? If I say no, it’s a lie, and if I say yes, he’ll worry. Kim Do-hyun isn’t here now, but he’ll be back to the club room soon. Of course, the right thing to do is to say yes, but hesitation kept lingering.

While I was hesitating to reply, buzz, buzz, a call started coming in. A familiar number, and a familiar name. It was Choi Tae-gyeom, without a doubt.

“Hello?”

—Where are you?

Choi Tae-gyeom asked the question abruptly. The low question echoed through the club room over the phone. I hurriedly lowered the volume, but the gazes that had already landed on me didn’t fall away.

“I’m in the club room.”

I answered quietly and got up from my seat. I was thinking of having a cigarette since he called. And also, to ventilate this stuffy air and these stifling gazes.

“Just a minute, I’ll go outside.”

—……Why does your voice sound like that?

“My voice?”

Before leaving the club room, I showed Park Seong-jae the pack of cigarettes I was holding. I’m going to smoke, I mouthed, and he made a circle with his thumb and forefinger.

—It’s like…… you’re mumbling.

“Ah.”

An exclamation burst out. I think I knew why Choi Tae-gyeom asked why my voice sounded like that. As soon as I pulled down my mask with one hand, the cool air brushed past the tip of my nose.

“It’s because of the mask. I took it off now.”

—Mask?

The building where the club rooms are located is good because the smoking area is close. Because there are so few smoking areas on campus, some students frequent the back of the engineering building, but I didn’t really want to smoke in a place like that. Seeing the floor covered in cigarette butts made my desire to smoke drop, even though I was a smoker.

—Why a mask?

Choi Tae-gyeom asked back, lowering his voice. There was worry for me in the repeated question. I knew it was the worry of a friend, but still, my chest swelled.

“I have a bit of a cold.”

I lit a cigarette and took a big puff. The cigarette smoke that rushed in slowly neutralized the suppressed pheromone. Yeah, it disappears so quickly like this, there’s no way I’m in heat cycle. The small residue that remained lightly flew away with the cigarette smoke.

—The medicine?

Was it because I was hearing it over the phone? His voice was especially low. The heavy, sunken voice thickly wrapped around the area near my solar plexus. It felt like heat was boiling in my lower abdomen.

Come to think of it, it’s been a really long time since I talked to Choi Tae-gyeom on the phone. We used to be together so much that we didn’t have time to talk on the phone, and after that, he would know without me having to explain. There was a reason why hearing his voice over the phone felt so new.

“Just, well…….”

I should call more often.

—You didn’t take it, did you.

Haa, the tip of my tongue was sweetly dyed by the light sigh. The breath that wrapped around my ear tickled and teased my chest. My mouth was so sweet; the cigarette in my mouth felt like chocolate.

—And of course, you didn’t go to the hospital.

“It’s not bad enough to go to the hospital.”

—Sure.

I wanted him to worry about me. I wanted him to allocate his emotions to me, spend his time on me, and care a little more. I knew it was a selfish wish, but I wanted Choi Tae-gyeom to be willingly trapped in my greed. He’s stayed without much complaint so far, so I wanted him to stay within my fence this time as well.

—Did you eat?

“No, I’m waiting for delivery.”

The cigarette, which I hadn’t even smoked much of, was slowly burning down. I put the long filter in my mouth and lightly inhaled the smoke. Hoo, the smoke scattered into the air.

—You’re smoking, aren’t you?

“……How did you know?”

I stopped moving with a flinch. I reflexively looked around, but of course, there was no one around. Choi Tae-gyeom answered casually, as if wondering why I was so surprised.

—I could hear it.

Hoo, he let out a long breath. It was similar to what I had done a little while ago. I didn’t know he could hear the sound, but the breath mixed in with his words had a somewhat eerie feeling.

“……I just smoked it while I came out to make a call.”

I wanted to make excuses for no reason. I’ve smoked so many cigarettes in front of Choi Tae-gyeom, so why am I suddenly acting coy now? Choi Tae-gyeom must have thought something similar, because I heard him chuckle.

—Who said anything.

I awkwardly put out the cigarette. How many puffs did I take? Three puffs? It was a very wasteful long cigarette, but I didn’t feel bad about it. This was enough to erase the pheromone.

—Lee Yoon-woo wouldn’t go to the hospital because of his personality.

Choi Tae-gyeom opened his mouth in a gentle tone. The beginning of the call seemed to be a message asking if I had eaten lunch, but most of the call was about my cold.

—And he wouldn’t take medicine even if I told him to.

“Um.”

I groaned softly because I didn’t have anything to say in response. As Choi Tae-gyeom said, I wasn’t the type to go to the hospital or buy medicine when I was sick. The only medicine I needed to take was the suppressant that I took regularly.

—And he wouldn’t rest even if I told him to go home and rest.

The afternoon class was canceled, but I didn’t bother to mention that fact. From my long experience, I knew what Choi Tae-gyeom would say next. The endlessly kind Choi Tae-gyeom would probably say this next.

—I’ll buy you medicine. What club is it?

“Reading English Classics.”

Park Seong-jae’s eyes shone brightly. No, it wasn’t just Park Seong-jae. Min-jeong-ssi and Kim Do-hyun, and even the other club members. Everyone in the club room was looking only at Choi Tae-gyeom, who was sitting on the cot.

“That’s our club name.”

Choi Tae-gyeom looked at me, who was sitting next to him. The meaning of his gaze was one thing. What’s wrong with him again?

“Our club is, we’re short exactly one person.”

Park Seong-jae was very earnest. You could tell just by the way he hunched his large frame and shone his eyes brightly. Maybe it was because he had neatly styled his hair, or maybe it was because he was wearing clean clothes. He almost looked like he was out to sell insurance products.

“I’m really telling you this after careful consideration.”

There was one reason why Park Seong-jae was talking so earnestly. It was to recruit Choi Tae-gyeom into the club.

“You know how important sensibility is to the current generation.”

A little while ago, I came back to the club room wearing a mask tightly and waited for Choi Tae-gyeom. Kim Do-hyun had come to the club room while I was out smoking, and even the smell of the food that had been delivered couldn’t erase Kim Do-hyun’s Alpha pheromone.

‘Choi Tae-gyeom is coming. Are you okay?’

I looked at the club members gathered in a circle at the table and spoke lightly. Of course, I didn’t expect them to be startled and stop moving.

“Even when running a business, you have to stimulate consumers’ emotions to survive.”

Someone stopped unwrapping their chopsticks, someone stopped scooping rice, and someone else stopped pouring water into their cup. Just as I was getting embarrassed by the overly enthusiastic reaction, Park Seong-jae asked in a very expectant voice.

‘……Is he joining our club?’

“So, senior, do you like Shakespeare?”

I definitely said no. I said he was just stopping by to bring medicine, and if it wasn’t okay, I would go out and meet him. I even added that Choi Tae-gyeom didn’t like Shakespeare and hated the liberal arts when he was in school, but Park Seong-jae didn’t give up until the end.

“While others are doing volunteer clubs, senior is pushing forward with sensibility in line with the trend.”

I’ve never heard such nonsense. Pushing forward with sensibility, my ass; Choi Tae-gyeom would just push open the club room door and leave.

“Like this, suddenly…….”

Choi Tae-gyeom had a dumbfounded expression. No, he seemed a little embarrassed. He probably hadn’t seen anyone as brazen as Park Seong-jae in his life, so I could fully understand his feelings.

“Meetings always start by chance.”

Did he coax them to the drinking party that day like this? Ignoring Choi Tae-gyeom’s sullen expression and appealing only with ‘kind eyes.’

“I felt it was fate from the day we drank together.”

It was like a confession. Just then, I heard Min-jeong-ssi, who was picking up tteokbokki, mutter, ‘He’s such a pain, really.’

“Senior is an essential talent for our club.”

Choi Tae-gyeom looked at me askance, as if he couldn’t stand it anymore. He’s usually a guy who knows how to be firm, but it seemed like he couldn’t overcome Park Seong-jae’s earnest gaze. That look was funny and cute.

“Stop it and eat.”

But there’s a limit to everything. A club for a guy who doesn’t like group activities? It was no different from throwing a penguin into the desert. I can say with certainty that eating quietly would be more beneficial than persuading Choi Tae-gyeom.

“You don’t have to do any activities, senior. Please just fill the headcount.”

In the end, Park Seong-jae revealed his true feelings, throwing away all the flowery language. Please, just join. He wouldn’t bother him, and he would do most of the work instead. It was the same method he used to persuade me.

“Hmm.”

Choi Tae-gyeom groaned lightly and leaned his head on me. The corners of his mouth, which were pulled up in a smirk, were similar to a languid cat.

“Did you coax Lee Yoon-woo like this too?”

The large frame twitched. Haha, Park Seong-jae, who let out an awkward laugh, gave me a look asking for help. No way. There’s no way I’d help you when Choi Tae-gyeom doesn’t want to.

“I would have considered it if it was a more interesting club.”

“…….”

“How would management use reading English classics?”

A look of despair crossed Park Seong-jae’s face. The club members, who had been watching them with a ‘could it be’ expression, also focused on the food with deflated faces. I heard someone in the distance clicking their tongue, saying, ‘I knew it.’

“Senior.”

Yeah, there’s no way Choi Tae-gyeom would join the club. While I was thinking that, someone suddenly sat down next to me. When I turned my head, I saw Kim Do-hyun, who was covering his mouth with his index finger.

“Do you have a cold?”

I was going to say yes. I was wearing it because I thought I might catch a cold, and it wasn’t that bad. Just as I was about to give the same answer for the fourth time, Choi Tae-gyeom’s voice pierced my ear.

“But I’ll join.”

“……What?”

It was a jaw-dropping statement. It was more surprising than Choi Tae-gyeom coming to the drinking party. Is he crazy? I thought for a moment. He was smiling crookedly, somehow.

“I like Shakespeare.”

What do you mean you like Shakespeare? He had an expression that looked like he was going to murder Shakespeare right away.

“Are you crazy?”

The Choi Tae-gyeom I knew hated ‘literature.’ He was naturally smart, so he understood math and English as soon as he learned them, but he especially hated studying literature. Especially when learning novels or poems, he would openly make an expression that he couldn’t understand.

“Why are you suddenly like this?”

And that guy is joining ‘Reading English Classics’? And with such a twisted expression.

“I’m not crazy.”

Choi Tae-gyeom answered with his mouth twisted. The wrinkles between his eyebrows and the raised eyebrows seemed to show how bad he felt. At this point, I wondered if he was thinking of just joining once and getting it over with because Park Seong-jae was being too annoying.

“Really…… really?”

Park Seong-jae asked back with wide eyes. He had coaxed him, but he didn’t seem to expect that he would really say he would join. Heh, he looked around with his mouth open and swallowed hard.

“You said you’d join now, right? No take-backs, really!”

“Yeah.”

Choi Tae-gyeom straightened his body. Then, he tilted his head and looked back and forth between me and the side next to me.

“I have a friend, and I have a junior.”

His friend is me, and his junior is Kim Do-hyun. I’m one thing, but it was very out of the blue to mention Kim Do-hyun.

“I’ll just put my name on it, what.”

Hmph, Kim Do-hyun snorted. ‘How childish…….’ His muttering voice was heard clearly. Would it be a delusion if I thought this guy had stopped pretending to be nice at some point?

First, I pulled on Choi Tae-gyeom’s sleeve and spoke in a small voice.

“Think about it carefully. Even if you’re a ghost member, you have to do what you have to do.”

“I’ll do it.”

The answer was simple. Choi Tae-gyeom winked as if it didn’t matter. Really? That thought came to me for a moment, so I thought about the reason why I had to think again.

“……Park Seong-jae will ask you to drink?”

“I don’t have to go to drinking parties.”

“You’re shy around strangers.”

“I’m not shy around strangers, I just don’t like being around a lot of people.”

“…….”

“You’re the one who’s shy, Lee Yoon-woo.”

I had nothing to refute to every word he said. Choi Tae-gyeom answered so casually that I kept thinking, ‘Really?’ This isn’t it……, I felt something sullen.

“They’re all, people you don’t know?”

“You’re there.”

Click, he moved his head. His expression was still indifferent.

“Why don’t I know them all? I know you.”

Somehow, it was a subtle statement. If he said it like that, it seemed like he only looked at me and joined the club. Absolutely, there’s no way that’s true.

“Just a moment! I’ll go find the application form right away!”

Park Seong-jae was very excited and went to rummage through the cabinet. I wondered what was in the cabinet in the corner, but it seemed to be full of club-related documents.

As the large frame that had been blocking my view disappeared, the club members’ gazes poured in clearly.

“Are you really going to join?”

It was Kim Do-hyun who asked the question. He leaned his upper body forward, looked at Choi Tae-gyeom, and smiled.

“Didn’t you say that management wouldn’t use reading English classics anywhere?”

He was definitely smiling, but I could feel thorns in his words. I didn’t know if it was because I had heard him say he didn’t like Choi Tae-gyeom, or if it was because his eyes weren’t smiling. I could tell that Kim Do-hyun was giving a forced smile.

“I said I like Shakespeare.”

Choi Tae-gyeom snorted and pulled up the corners of his mouth. Kim Do-hyun retorted in a calm voice.

“The club doesn’t only read Shakespeare’s works.”

“It doesn’t matter since I’m not going to do any activities anyway.”

It seemed like sparks were flying between the two people’s gazes. It seemed like they still remembered exchanging drinks at the last drinking party. They were exchanging gazes so intensely that I could feel the pheromone even though I was wearing a mask.

“What are you two doing…….”

What are you doing. If you’re going to fight, leave me out of the conversation. That’s what I was going to say, but I couldn’t say the rest of the words. Suddenly, the heat boiled up.

“…….”

Thump, my heart seemed to be out of sync. My heart was pounding, and my vision was blurring. Why is this happening? I didn’t even have time to wonder. The hair on my whole body stood on end, and my skin reacted with a tingling sensation.

“If you’re just going to put your name on it, I’ll bring a friend. You don’t have to bother joining.”

“Then bring two people. Lee Yoon-woo hates this kind of thing too.”

“Ah, I’m sorry, but I only have one friend.”

Twitch, my fingers moved. I couldn’t hear what the two people were saying. My body, which had already reacted, craved Alpha down to the tips of my fingers. If pheromones had a shape, I wanted to hug them in my arms and roll around wildly.

I hurriedly lowered my head and let out a dry cough. Even with short, quick breaths, I couldn’t stop the pheromones from permeating. Choi Tae-gyeom, thinking I was choking, stopped talking and rubbed my back. That touch only made my lower abdomen tighten even more.

“Are you okay?”

It shouldn’t have been such a big reaction. It wasn’t a sudden burst, just a slightly stronger physiological release of pheromones. Pheromones that I would normally only sense the presence of, nothing more, nothing less.

“…Senior?”

But my body was burning, my fingertips trembling. My mind was melting, my reason sporadically cutting out. My chest, flushed and hot, was burning as if on fire.

“……”

At some point, I couldn’t hear the surrounding sounds anymore. Would this be what it feels like if someone grabbed my heart and squeezed it? My breath naturally became rough as I choked.

“Lee Yoon-woo.”

It was at that moment that my shoulder was grabbed. My nape, cheek, and forehead. Cool temperatures caressed me in that order. I blinked, and Choi Tae-gyeom’s deep eyes came into view.

“Why is your body so hot?”

Ah.

“Are you okay?”

A heat cycle.

“……Ha.”

My mind went blank. It didn’t matter that Choi Tae-gyeom was looking at me worriedly, or that the surroundings were buzzing with noise. Anxiety, embarrassment, a bit of fear, and an unbearable primal desire.

“Ah……”

It wasn’t just a cold. It was similar to a cold, but fundamentally different. This heat, these senses. A tingling sensation that made my head spin.

“I need to……”

I could feel my pheromones wavering. If I lost my grip on my sanity even a little, they would spill out uncontrollably. My last remaining reason barely held on, but it was also reaching its limit.

“Just a moment……”

I had to get out of here. Or at least escape to a place where I couldn’t feel the pheromones. Before I lost my mind, before the Alpha pheromones consumed me.

“I’m okay, just a moment……”

“What are you talking about?”

But Choi Tae-gyeom didn’t let me go easily. He followed me as I got up, grabbing my arm roughly. I staggered, and surprised voices were heard from all around.

“What do you mean you’re okay? You’re burning up right now.”

“……Oppa, are you okay? Should I call an ambulance?”

“Hyung, Hyung, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

I couldn’t put any strength into my body. I wanted to pull away from his grip, but even that wasn’t easy. As I stumbled backward, Choi Tae-gyeom frowned and grabbed my shoulder.

“You really……”

“Senior.”

Suddenly, my vision flipped. Kim Do-hyun knocked Choi Tae-gyeom’s hand away and caught me as I staggered. I realized now that I hadn’t felt Kim Do-hyun’s pheromones at all since some point.

“What are you doing?”

Choi Tae-gyeom spoke as if growling. His pheromones, sharpened to the fullest, were emitted threateningly. I gasped without realizing it.

“Heok……”

Thump, my heart reacted loudly. The pheromones that had entered deep into my lungs wriggled and expanded their territory. Choi Tae-gyeom approached me with a coldly hardened expression.

“Can’t you see he’s sick right now?”

Kim Do-hyun supported me and stepped back as much as he approached. And he looked down at me with a very troubled expression. A small voice, barely audible, flowed from his slightly parted lips.

“Senior, your pheromones are coming out.”

“……!”

It felt like someone had hit me hard on the back of the head. It was no use holding my breath or curling up. The pheromones I had hidden so carefully were slowly, steadily leaking out.

“Hey, call an ambulance.”

“Yes? Ah, yes!”

Choi Tae-gyeom ruffled his hair wildly and gave instructions to someone. Then he took a big step toward me. His fierce momentum made it seem like he would take me away at any moment, but surprisingly, he couldn’t even touch me with a fingertip.

“Lee Yoon-woo, look at me. Are you okay?”

A face full of worry came into view. If it weren’t for this situation, I would have fully enjoyed this sweet feeling. I would have deeply engraved that kind, drooping expression in my heart.

“……I’m okay.”

My legs were trembling. I barely managed to keep my balance, but my vision was still spinning. I held back my pheromones, and my stomach churned as if I was going to throw up.

“I’m okay…… so don’t call an ambulance.”

“What?”

This wouldn’t do. With what kind of heart did I hide that I was an Omega, I can’t show such an unsightly appearance in front of everyone. How did I endure the past 5 years?

“There’s no need to call an ambulance.”

“Your body right now……”

Choi Tae-gyeom opened and closed his mouth repeatedly as if he was going crazy. An uncontrollable emotion kept welling up at the sight.

“I’ll go to the hospital.”

Because you’re like that, I can’t give up.

“I’ll go to the hospital……”

Choi Tae-gyeom’s concern was heavy. It was too deep to be a friend, and I was afraid to expect more than that. He had a face that looked like he was going crazy with worry, but he couldn’t even touch me in case I was sick. So I was hopeful, and so I was disappointed.

“Please take me.”

It was like grasping at straws. I raised my hand, which had no strength, and grabbed the hem of the clothes in front of me. Choi Tae-gyeom’s gaze followed my tightly clenched hand obsessively.

“Please, take me.”

The area around my cheek stung. The heavy silence seemed to grip my neck tightly. Gulp, the sound of someone swallowing. The sound of someone sighing. And, a low, sinking gaze.

“Please, Do-hyun.”

Thud, Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromones cut off.

To me, a heat cycle was just a time when my pheromones became a little stronger than usual. I didn’t have an increased sex drive like others, and I didn’t lose my mind like others either. A little suppressant and frequent smoking. That was all it took to avoid it.

“It’s a heat cycle.”

The doctor with a cold face delivered the death sentence in an businesslike voice. To think that this was the result of waiting two hours for a blood test and an ultrasound. It wasn’t unexpected, but my vision darkened.

“I’ve never…… had this happen before.”

“If you mean……?”

The doctor turned his gaze from the chart to look at me. His moderately dry eyes seemed to calm my anxious heart a little.

“Like, my body reacting, or becoming sensitive to Alpha pheromones, or losing my mind, things like that.”

“Those things you mentioned are the basic symptoms of a heat cycle.”

The doctor pushed up his glasses. Perhaps because he was wearing thin-rimmed glasses, his already cold impression felt even more chilly. As I fidgeted with my fingers, the doctor’s expression softened a little.

“In your case, you’re so recessive that your heat cycle was likely weaker than others.”

Soon, the doctor began to speak in a calm voice. It was content that I was already familiar with.

“Your pheromones themselves are weak, so there’s a limit even when a heat cycle comes. If other Omegas are normally at 50 and go to 100 during heat, you would normally be at 10 and go to 40 during heat.”

The doctor indicated the height with his fingertips. He raised his right hand to his nose, and pointed his left hand a little below that. Even if I went into heat, my pheromones would be weaker than other Omegas.

“What’s a little strange is that your pheromone levels suddenly increased……”

On the monitor the doctor was looking at was a graph showing my pheromone levels. The black line seemed to be the average pheromone level, but the fluctuating red line occasionally exceeded the average.

“By any chance, do you have any Dominant Alphas around you?”

As soon as I heard the question, Choi Tae-gyeom came to mind. So I nodded, but then another face came to mind.

“I have two.”

Kim Do-hyun would be waiting outside the examination room. He personally called a taxi, took me to the hospital, and sat in the waiting area despite my telling him to go back. While I was undergoing all sorts of tests, he seemed to be reading a magazine provided in one corner.

“Two?”

The doctor frowned with a slightly surprised expression. Well, Alphas and Omegas make up less than 30% of the population in our country, and among them, there are two Dominant Alphas, which are particularly small in number. It’s no wonder he’s surprised.

“If there are two Dominant Alphas…… it must be because of the Alpha pheromones.”

The doctor nodded, having come to a conclusion on his own. Sharp eyes behind the glasses looked at me.

“Hormones are greatly affected by pheromones. You’ve been constantly exposed to Alpha pheromones, so your heat cycle has been pulled forward. What’s your original cycle like?”

“Um, about once every four months……”

“Four months?”

The doctor’s face contorted. The doctor, who was holding a pen, stroked his chin and tilted his head.

“How do you get such a cycle?”

I knew that my cycle wasn’t normal. Others have it once a month, but I experience it once every four months. I also knew that this wasn’t healthy.

“I, that.”

But me thinking about it alone and the doctor expressing his doubts were different. Suddenly, with rising anxiety, I opened my mouth in a cautious tone.

“I took suppressants…… often.”

“Suppressants?”

The doctor asked back in a calm voice and nodded. When I answered yes, a emotionless voice added an explanation.

“The suppressants that come out these days aren’t that bad for the body. Well, unless you take them every day……”

“I took them every day.”

“……Yes?”

It was truly an awkward situation. Just by looking at his reaction, I could tell that the doctor was going to scold me.

“How many times a day did you take them?”

“Twice. Morning and evening, twice each.”

“Something terrible will happen!”

Sure enough, a shrill scream erupted. It was such a sharp voice that I flinched.

“Suppressants are literally for suppressing pheromones. You only use them when you really need them, when you can’t have heat coming, when heat comes.”

The doctor spat out quickly and brought the chart he had put down. The way he flipped through the papers was very aggressive. Among the various numbers that I couldn’t understand, the doctor pointed to one number that was above average.

“This is why they shouldn’t sell suppressants at pharmacies……”

No, just a moment ago, he said that suppressants weren’t that bad for the body. I wanted to argue, but I, who was already guilty of overdosing on suppressants, had to be quiet.

“Even if it’s a weak pheromone, if you don’t release it and it builds up, it will go berserk. You’ve been taking suppressants every time, so the heat that should come once a month comes once every four months. If you have a Dominant Alpha nearby, your pheromones will naturally go wild.”

I also learned today for the first time that hormones are affected by pheromones. I knew that my method of taking suppressants was wrong, but I never thought it would have a big impact on my body. I also didn’t know that pheromones that couldn’t be released and accumulated could go berserk.

“Have you ever had sex with an Alpha?”

“No.”

The doctor put down the chart with a light sigh. His expression seemed to say, ‘What have you been doing until this age without having sex.’

“You have to release what’s built up. Don’t just hold it in, have sex with your lover. You’re recessive, so you probably won’t get pregnant, but if you’re worried, use contraception.”

Have sex with my lover. How can I have a relationship with a lover I don’t even have? Perhaps understanding my expression, the doctor looked at me with a puzzled expression.

“The person waiting outside, isn’t he your lover?”

“He’s just a junior from school.”

I thought this misunderstanding would happen. There’s no way an Alpha and an Omega would come to the hospital together if they weren’t lovers. I also knew that the nurses had been giving me subtle glances from the moment I entered the hospital.

“……If your pheromones are too suppressed, something will go wrong with your body if you leave them like that.”

The doctor seemed to be choosing his words carefully. The ultimate thing he wanted to say was ‘Make a lover and have sex,’ but he couldn’t bring himself to give such a prescription to a patient.

Huff, the doctor, who let out a deep sigh, tapped on the keyboard.

“Don’t take suppressants. I’ll give you a diagnosis, so take a break from school. Just release your pheromones for a week, and if you still don’t feel better, come back to the hospital.”

There was nothing I could say. Not to take suppressants, not to take a break from school. The midterm exams are next week, so it doesn’t make sense to take a week off from school.

“Is pheromone cigarettes okay?”

“You smoke pheromone cigarettes too?”

I asked cautiously, but all I got back was a sharp glare. The doctor scolded me with a look that said I was doing all sorts of things, and sighed and crumpled.

“You’ll have a short life.”

“……”

“You take medicine and smoke cigarettes, it would be healthier to do drugs.”

The scathing criticism was ruthless. The doctor, who shook his head, tapped on the keyboard again.

“I’ve never seen anyone who says they’ll quit smoking, so I’ll just tell you to cut down. Smoke regular cigarettes instead. Pheromone cigarettes are worse for your body.”

If it wasn’t for pheromone cigarettes, there would be no reason to smoke cigarettes. But I don’t want to explain that reason. The person I like hates Omegas, so I hide that I’m an Omega. The moment I say that out loud, I feel like I’ll become too pathetic.

“If you wait outside, I’ll give you a shot. It’s not a suppressant, it’s a hormone shot. It’s to unblock what’s blocked, so you won’t be able to control your pheromones for about two hours after getting the shot.”

I was scared by the words that I wouldn’t be able to control my pheromones. How, in what way, would I not be able to control them? The doctor seemed to notice my worry and added in a firm voice.

“Go straight home. Have your guardian take you.”

I bowed and left the examination room. The depressed mood didn’t seem to improve as I trudged along.

I was just going to get a diagnosis that it was a heat cycle and get a prescription for suppressants. I even hoped that I could hear that it wasn’t heat, but just a cold. But suppressants are prohibited, and pheromone cigarettes are prohibited. Then how am I supposed to meet Choi Tae-gyeom?

“Patient Lee Yoon-woo. Please come to the injection room.”

The nurse gave me the injection, saying it would be a little stiff. A small injection mark was added to my arm where I had drawn blood. As I rubbed my arm with an alcohol swab and came out of the injection room, Kim Do-hyun, who had been waiting quietly for me, jumped up.

“Is the examination over? What did the doctor say?”

Instead of answering, I took out the cell phone I had put in my pocket. Park Seong-jae and Min-jeong-ssi had left countless messages, and Choi Tae-gyeom had only sent two messages.

Choi Tae-gyeom: [Contact me when you see this] 12:57pm

Choi Tae-gyeom: [I’ll be waiting in front of your house] 02:09pm

The messages that came at intervals were pitiful. What was Choi Tae-gyeom thinking during the time I didn’t reply? Was he worried about me, or was he angry at me for leaving him behind, or did he just not care and listen to the class? None of the three made me feel comfortable.

Most of what happened earlier was blurry, but Choi Tae-gyeom’s expression of worrying about me was clear. His eyes drooping and looking at me like an abandoned puppy.

He must have been disappointed. He must have been upset. He was worried and even bought medicine, but I ignored him and came out like that. It would have been upsetting even if it was Park Seong-jae instead of Choi Tae-gyeom, or Min-jeong-ssi instead of Park Seong-jae. It was a matter of consideration that I should have had before I liked him.

“Senior?”

Suddenly, I came to my senses. The cell phone screen had already turned black. I put my cell phone in my pocket and asked Kim Do-hyun.

“Ah, sorry. What did you say?”

Kim Do-hyun had a subtle expression. He looked upset, and he also looked frustrated. He turned his head to the side and sighed, then looked straight at me and asked.

“……Are you that worried about Senior Choi Tae-gyeom?”

I stared at Kim Do-hyun silently. The guy, who was a head taller than me, stared at me with unwavering eyes. When I didn’t answer, Kim Do-hyun continued in a calm tone.

“I can’t understand it no matter how I think about it. That senior didn’t even know you were in heat and was pouring out pheromones.”

Lee Yoon-woo-ssi, I heard the sound of someone calling me from the payment counter. I turned my back without a word, and a small murmur came from behind.

“I didn’t even expect a thank you……”

To be honest, I was taken aback. I really didn’t care about Kim Do-hyun. He took me out of that awkward situation and was covered in Omega pheromones, but I didn’t even look at him.

“Sorry.”

I awkwardly offered an apology. The nurse, glancing at me, mechanically took the card and handed over the prescription. It probably wasn’t the suppressant prescription I had hoped for.

“I was too preoccupied to think.”

Kim Do-hyun was the first to realize I was in heat. So, he must have suppressed his pheromones and isolated me from Choi Tae-gyeom. He’s the only Alpha who knows I’m an Omega.

“Thank you. For pretending not to know, and for bringing me here.”

I still couldn’t sense any pheromones from Kim Do-hyun. The faint pheromones that remained were only my own that had clung to him while he was bringing me here. He was clearly holding back his pheromones to be considerate of me in my heat cycle.

“I would have been in big trouble if it weren’t for you.”

After that, he didn’t say a word while we waited for the elevator. Why were there so many people today? After letting two full elevators pass, he finally said, “Let’s take the stairs,” and nothing more. The expression on his face, which I briefly glimpsed, looked incredibly complicated for some reason.

“What did the doctor say?”

He asked the question when we were almost at the first floor. The hospital wasn’t very tall, but it was a bit tiring for me, who was already drained.

“Just that it’s a heat cycle. Maybe it’s a side effect of the suppressant.”

“Suppressant?”

“Pheromone suppressant. I take it almost every day.”

“Ah…”

Kim Do-hyun, who was walking down the stairs ahead of me, stopped. He turned his head, still holding onto the railing, and spoke in a nonchalant voice.

“I saw it in a magazine earlier. The misuse of suppressants, or something like that.”

I also stopped walking, following his lead. He slowly raised his head from three steps below.

“You’re doing that to hide that you’re an Omega, right?”

“…”

“What’s the reason for going that far?”

My face reflexively hardened. It wasn’t that I didn’t know what Kim Do-hyun meant by “that far.” Taking suppressants like that, suffering like that, or being so foolishly hung up.

“Honestly, I don’t really know.”

Kim Do-hyun sighed, as if frustrated. He must have been surprised too, as fatigue was evident around his eyes.

“I haven’t known you for long, but when I look at you, there are more than one or two things I don’t understand.”

Kim Do-hyun and I had only known each other for a little over a month. In that short moment, he had noticed many things about me, and now he was saying he didn’t understand.

“Let’s say Choi Tae-gyeom hates Omegas. So you’re afraid that if he knows you’re an Omega, he’ll hate you too. I get that.”

He really put a lot of thought into it. Should I praise him for being accurate, or should I argue with him about why it matters? Kim Do-hyun turned his body and looked straight at me.

“But, what is it that you want to protect so much that you’re even hiding that you’re an Omega?”

“…”

“Is there a reason to hide that you’re an Omega without even confessing?”

He looked like he really couldn’t understand. His face, twisted in annoyance, was different from the kind smile I had always seen.

“If it were me, I would have said one of the two out of frustration.”

“I want to say it too.”

I replied defensively. What came back was a simple solution.

“Then say it.”

What was so easy for this guy? Confessing to me, urging me to confess. How could he say it so easily?

“You’re hiding that you’re an Omega because you don’t want to be hated. You can’t confess because you’re afraid of being rejected.”

Not wanting to be hated. It was a truly insignificant reason. All the many circumstances I had been agonizing over for five years were compressed into a single phrase: “not wanting to be hated.”

“Then, without being hated or rejected, you should just give up on your feelings.”

“…”

“Isn’t that selfish?”

I felt a surge of anger. Who are you to say that? Who are you, what do you know about me?

“I’ve been friends with Choi Tae-gyeom since I was born.”

I gripped the railing tightly. I could feel the tips of my fingers trembling slightly.

“He’s just, always, always, been by my side for no reason.”

Kim Do-hyun closed his mouth as soon as I opened mine. Looking at his tightly shut lips, the emotions I had been hiding surged up.

“Do you think I wanted to like him? I wish I could just be friends. So we can get along like we always have, without anything changing.”

Every memorable moment was with Choi Tae-gyeom. Not a single day, not a single moment, without him. It was more natural than eating, more natural than breathing.

“But what can I do when I already like him?”

The day I realized my feelings for Choi Tae-gyeom, the day I realized that my feelings were different from his.

“Give up… You say it so easily.”

I felt like the world was collapsing. I felt like my relationship with him was shattered into pieces, and that I could never go back to the way things were.

“I’ve been avoiding Choi Tae-gyeom for five years.”

Five years of hell. He was clearly close, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t reach him. No, I couldn’t even try to reach him. Because if I accidentally let my feelings slip, I wouldn’t even be able to maintain this ambiguous distance.

“But I still like him.”

The end of my sentence trembled. I wanted to say it calmly, but the feelings I had cut off had grown too big.

“…”

“It’s not that I can give up, but I become stubborn. Should I just be friends? Wouldn’t it be okay if I just didn’t confess? Maybe I’ll give up someday.”

I kept my distance, didn’t look at his face, struggled not to remember, and ended up staying in the past. I should have given up by now, my feelings should have faded by now. But then, suddenly, I gave up on giving up.

“Do you think I don’t want to say it? I think about it dozens, hundreds of times a day. That I’m an Omega, that I actually like you. The words come up to my throat, but when I see your face, they go back in.”

This was the last defense mechanism I had left. The last resort to protect my feelings from him, who always looked at me with the same unchanging gaze.

“Do you think I’m hiding that I’m an Omega simply because I don’t want to be hated?”

“…”

“Why Choi Tae-gyeom hates Omegas, why I have to be a Beta to Choi Tae-gyeom, what’s the reason for hiding that I’m an Omega to this extent.”

There was a bond between Choi Tae-gyeom and me that others couldn’t understand. The trauma he had with Omegas, the memory of me being a haven for him, the only person a Dominant Alpha who always had to suppress his pheromones could be comfortable with.

“You don’t know anything.”

Only I, and Choi Tae-gyeom, could understand. The trust he had in me, the responsibility I had for him.

“If you don’t want to understand, then don’t. You don’t need to understand me.”

I was annoyed. By the fact that he was saying whatever he wanted without knowing me well. And by the fact that, in the end, there was nothing wrong with what Kim Do-hyun said.

“Don’t be nosy.”

My pheromones seeped out. I didn’t intend to say this much, but this was the result of my emotions gradually escalating. The pheromones that surged like a wave were, even to me, quite abundant.

“I’m grateful that you took me to the hospital and pretended not to know in front of Choi Tae-gyeom. But that’s something I can repay with a meal, not something I can let slide with such rude words.”

I didn’t even think about holding back or suppressing them. The thick pheromones poured out recklessly, as if compensating for the pressure I had been under until now. Kim Do-hyun, sensing the pheromones in the air, took a step back.

“Senior, right now…”

He frowned, covering his mouth with the back of his hand. His Adam’s apple moved violently. I was the one who was taken aback by the sudden reaction. I hurriedly tried to retract my pheromones, but the pheromones that had escaped my control were already not listening to me.

“…”

Then I remembered what the doctor had said. That it would be difficult to control my pheromones because it was like unblocking something that was blocked. That I should go straight home.

This was the side effect of the injection. It wasn’t pheromones that came out because I was angry or emotional. That meant that even if I calmed down, the pheromones wouldn’t stop.

“Senior, your pheromones…”

The tips of Kim Do-hyun’s ears turned red. It was similar to when I was exposed to Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromones. He looked at me with wildly shaking eyes and spoke in a voice that was heavily suppressed.

“Your pheromones, try to do something about them.”

“If I could do something about it…”

If I could, I would have done it already. As if I was never angry, now I only felt embarrassed. With this much pheromones, it was more than usual during my heat cycle, and it was strange that my reason was so clear.

“…Ha.”

Kim Do-hyun was now covering his nose with his sleeve. His short, broken breaths seemed to show how overwhelmed he was. It was amazing that he wasn’t instinctively emitting Alpha pheromones.

“It’s not that I’m doing it…, it’s because of the injection.”

“…Injection?”

“I got a hormone injection, and they said I wouldn’t be able to control my pheromones for about two hours.”

I suppressed my pheromones and moved my feet. First, I had to get out of this enclosed space. That would be good for both Kim Do-hyun and me.

“No, Senior, then.”

But before I could even get down the stairs, Kim Do-hyun stopped me. He grabbed my arm with his red-rimmed eyes.

“Are you, are you going to go out like that now?”

My arm hurt from being held tightly. I twisted my arm to signal that it hurt, but Kim Do-hyun didn’t even notice my signal. His increasingly rough breathing was too blatant.

“If you go like that…, it’s dangerous.”

No, the most dangerous thing right now is you.

This was the first time this had happened. An Alpha reacting to my pheromones, looking at me with such lustful eyes. Putting aside the physiological fear, I didn’t have the confidence to watch the surging desire in real time.

“Let go of this.”

So I put strength into pushing Kim Do-hyun’s hand away. He flinched when my hand touched him and frowned with red eyes. His panting breaths were also there.

“No, Senior…”

“Let go for now, it hurts.”

Kim Do-hyun was startled by the word “hurt” and stepped back. He hit the stair railing and turned his head, breathing heavily. Just a moment ago, he was saying things that made people angry in a calm voice, but looking at him like this, he was just an anxious kid.

“Ah… I’m sorry.”

I rubbed my sore wrist. Kim Do-hyun, looking embarrassed as if he was sorry, slowly calmed his breathing.

“…Senior.”

He barely managed to speak, panting. It seemed difficult for him to even speak now.

“Let’s go back up.”

I knew what he was worried about. I couldn’t control my pheromones, and defenseless Omega pheromones were too likely to be exposed to danger. It didn’t matter that I was a sturdy man or that it was still bright outside. If an accident was going to happen, it would happen no matter what.

“There’s no need for that.”

Even though I knew all that, the message Choi Tae-gyeom sent kept flashing in my mind. Although the message arrived around 2 PM and it was now well past 4 PM, I was still convinced that he would be waiting.

“…Huh?”

Kim Do-hyun asked back with a rather stiff expression. His face was red, and his chest was rising and falling incessantly, but his eyes were very sharp.

“Why?”

I can’t answer that Choi Tae-gyeom is waiting. Because I knew what kind of look he would give me the moment he heard my words. He would probably look at me with stupid eyes. And he would add in a calm tone. Senior, it’s been two and a half hours. There’s no way he’s still waiting.

“I have to go home.”

But before I could even think, my mouth opened. It was a rambling statement, and of course, an absurd reaction came back.

“Don’t tell me, he said he’d wait?”

No answer was needed. He had a bewildered expression, but he seemed to have guessed the reason. He was a quick-witted guy, so it was natural.

“Huh…”

A sigh escaped. Not from me, but from Kim Do-hyun. He covered his mouth with his hand and ran it over his face, sighing. A deep sigh was mixed into his low voice.

“If you’re going to tell him you’re an Omega, then do that.”

“…”

“Don’t tell me, you’re going to meet him with those pheromones?”

I was speechless. Of course, I couldn’t meet him in this state. How could I meet Choi Tae-gyeom in this mess? With these pheromones, I would be exposed as an Omega even from a distance.

“I’ll take you home, so call Choi Tae-gyeom. Tell him to go back today and see you tomorrow. That would be better.”

I knew it in my head. That the solution Kim Do-hyun offered was the best. If I called and explained the situation, Choi Tae-gyeom would definitely go back without complaint. He would say okay and worry about me not being sick. No, maybe he wasn’t waiting from the beginning.

‘Lee Yoon-woo, look at me. Are you okay?’

“…”

Yeah, that could be the case.

“Ha…”

My head throbbed. Choi Tae-gyeom’s face kept popping up in my head. His gaze, expression, and tone of voice, worrying about me. And even the fingertips I couldn’t reach out to.

…What if he thinks I abandoned him?

“You don’t have to take me.”

It might be arrogance. If someone heard me, they would definitely say it was arrogance. That the feelings I have for him are special, that the feelings he has for me are also special, that I was definitely mistaken.

“Senior, really…”

“I’ll take care of it myself.”

But, what if it was a misunderstanding? If he wouldn’t be hurt by my misunderstanding, that would be fine.

“I’ll take care of it myself, so let’s talk next time.”

It was okay to be arrogant. I had a history of avoiding Choi Tae-gyeom, and that was different from him running away from me for a while. The unexpected five years were as painful for me as they were for Choi Tae-gyeom.

“Thank you for what happened today.”

“…”

“I’ll go.”

Kim Do-hyun looked at me with a dazed look. He reached out as if he was about to grab me, but dropped his hand powerlessly. His drooping fingertips were pitiful, but they didn’t give me any emotion.

The medicine prescribed by the hospital was a kind of detoxifier. It was a medicine that helped to release the suppressant ingredients accumulated in the body and to help the suppressed pheromones to be secreted normally. The pharmacist added a few precautions along with the efficacy, and of course, there were three times as many words not to take suppressants.

Don’t take suppressants. It was like a bolt from the blue. No matter how recessive I was, it wasn’t that pheromones weren’t secreted at all. Sometimes it flowed out unconsciously, and sometimes it flowed out according to emotions.

In order to prevent such a situation, or to prepare for irregular heat cycles, it is true that I overdosed on suppressants. After reuniting with Choi Tae-gyeom, I took care of it even more diligently to relieve a sense of unease for some reason.

I felt that the greed I had was eventually eating away at me. I can’t take suppressants with a heat cycle right in front of me. I have to meet Choi Tae-gyeom without being able to control my pheromones. All of these facts were nothing more than the fruits I had accumulated. Now I feel like I’m paying the price.

I smoked on the way home. One, two, and three. I walked through the deserted alleyways and kept smoking cigarettes that I didn’t usually smoke. The doctor said it was better not to smoke even cigarettes, but I couldn’t meet Choi Tae-gyeom with pheromones like this.

Fortunately, the pheromones stabilized by the time I got close to home. Whether the sky helped or not, I didn’t encounter anyone who looked like an Alpha. The way home was more peaceful than ever, and when I got almost to my house, I was more worried about the smell of cigarettes than pheromones.

“…”

And Choi Tae-gyeom was in front of my house.

Should I say it’s natural? Or should I say I was a little surprised?

I thought he would be waiting. Choi Tae-gyeom is the kind of guy who does what he says, and he’s not a cold-blooded person who would just abandon me on a sick day. When I was young, he was about to skip school when I was sick, but I didn’t think he would have changed just because he was a college student.

As expected, I found Choi Tae-gyeom as soon as I left the last alleyway. The pheromones that were felt even though he was standing far away, and the sweet emotions that rose from within. The instinctive tension and anxiety, and even the sorryness that had been buried for a while.

Choi Tae-gyeom was standing in front of my house, looking at his phone. One hand was in his pocket, the other held his phone as he stared intently at the screen. He wasn’t sending messages or doing anything else. He was really just ‘looking’ at the phone screen.

What’s so interesting to look at?

The still-cool April breeze ruffled his fine hair. Beneath his disheveled bangs, his lowered eyelashes were delicate. His glassy, marble-like eyes and the straight line of his nose also caught my attention. With his reddish lips pressed together, he was biting down hard on his lower lip.

It was like a scene from a painting. It wasn’t just that he was handsome or had pretty features. He was so unreal that Choi Tae-gyeom standing before me seemed like a mirage.

“Choi Tae-gyeom.”

Thankfully, the mirage didn’t disappear when I called his name. It was a very, very small voice, but Choi Tae-gyeom raised his head. Then, he slowly turned towards me.

“Have you been waiting for me all this time?”

I couldn’t understand why I was so nervous. It wasn’t like I hadn’t seen his face for a day or two, and he had been sitting next to me just a few hours ago. Even if I had left with Kim Do-hyun right in front of him, there was no reason to be this nervous.

“……”

Choi Tae-gyeom didn’t answer. His eyelids fluttered, opening and closing. Just like when he was looking at his phone, there was no emotion in his gaze.

One second, two seconds, and three seconds.

“……Lee Yoon-woo?”

In that fleeting moment, color flooded back in. His pupils trembled, and his expression returned.

Choi Tae-gyeom walked towards me with wide eyes. His heart lurched as he took large strides.

“Why are you alone?”

He came closer and grabbed my shoulders. He examined my face from side to side and even put his hand on my forehead. I didn’t know how long he had been waiting, but his hand was cold despite the April weather.

“You smell like cigarettes……”

It was similar to when I realized I liked Choi Tae-gyeom five years ago. The small emotion that had bloomed sprouted in the blink of an eye, and grew in another blink. I didn’t even have time to do anything about it. The already swollen emotion bore a round fruit, and fell to the ground with a thud.

“Kim Do-hyun, that bastard, couldn’t even bring you home……”

Like a rotten fruit nurturing another sprout. If you cut off one feeling, two branches grow, and if you cut off both, another branch grows.

“What did the hospital say? You went to the hospital, right?”

“……Hey, Tae-gyeom.”

Choi Tae-gyeom met my eyes as if telling me to speak. I was overwhelmed with emotion at his unwavering gaze.

It felt like a dam had burst. The accumulated emotions overflowed, and the things I had painstakingly built up collapsed. The slight crack that had been there shattered the moment he touched it.

“I.”

The only way to kill a grown emotion is to cut off the overflowing part. To cut off the protruding emotion, I had to hand sharp scissors to someone else. Even if I picked up the already spilled emotion, I would soon drop it again because of its weight.

“I have something to tell you.”

Kim Do-hyun’s words made me think a lot. If I wasn’t going to confess, I should reveal that I was an Omega, and if I was going to hide that I was an Omega, I should give up the feelings I couldn’t confess. And the question of whether I was being selfish.

I knew I was being selfish. For Choi Tae-gyeom, so he wouldn’t hate me, so he could rely on me. The plausible excuses were all for me.

I liked that he relied on me. I didn’t want him to hate me, and I wanted the relieved Choi Tae-gyeom to stay by my side. Small thoughts gathered and became the excuse of ‘for Choi Tae-gyeom.’

What could be more shameful than having your emotions exposed so nakedly? Would it be strange if I felt stripped bare by Kim Do-hyun’s presumptuous words? Whether it meant anything or not, his words acted as a trigger, so was this a good thing or a bad thing?

“Come in.”

Choi Tae-gyeom followed me into the house with a slightly stiff expression. He still looked worried, but he seemed to have read something serious in my expression. Even as he took off his shoes and came inside, his closed lips showed no sign of opening.

I left the medicine I had received in the kitchen and sat on the bed. There wasn’t much space to talk in the small studio apartment. I patted the bed to tell him to sit next to me, but instead of sitting, Choi Tae-gyeom ruffled his hair.

“What you wanted to say…… No, let’s talk about this first. What did the hospital say?”

A laugh burst out that didn’t fit the atmosphere. ‘You didn’t change the subject, you idiot.’ I almost said that, but I just answered casually.

“That’s what I was going to say.”

Choi Tae-gyeom’s face stiffened. He looked at me with a stiff face and then frowned slightly on one side of his eyes. His chest rose and fell slowly, as if taking a deep breath.

“……Is it a serious illness?”

The question that popped out was heavy. I felt like I knew what that little head was worried about. My expression was serious and the atmosphere was dark, so of course he would imagine something like that.

“No.”

I almost wished it was an illness. I had a lingering thought. If it were an illness, I could just take medicine and get treatment. The fact that I was an Omega was, in a way, no different from an incurable disease, so wouldn’t that be better?

“It’s not like an illness……”

“……Really?”

Choi Tae-gyeom seemed confused. He had clearly seen me looking sick, but he was flustered when I said it wasn’t an illness. Where should I start and how should I say it? Thoughts swirled in my head.

“It’s not like an illness, it’s……”

‘I’m an Omega,’ I couldn’t get those words out. Just one word, no more, no less, would be enough, but I couldn’t even start. My stomach was tense, and my throat was churning.

“……First of all.”

Choi Tae-gyeom was the first to speak. He looked at me, who was so nervous, and opened his mouth. His gaze towards me was full of concern.

“There’s nothing wrong with your body, right?”

After a moment of hesitation, I nodded slowly. To be exact, there was something wrong, but it wasn’t the kind of thing he was talking about. Anyway, this would naturally get better over time.

“That’s a relief.”

Choi Tae-gyeom sighed and came closer to me. He sat down on the bed with a thud and ran his hands over his face. His large hands covered his pretty face and paused for a moment.

“I was so worried.”

Thump, my heart sank. His trembling voice tore sharply through my chest.

“You’ve always been really sick when you get sick, right?”

“……”

“Even in high school, that’s why you collapsed once.”

The emotion was contagious. The full emotion sloshed as if it would overflow. His worry, his gentle voice, and his relieved eyes. All of those things became a sense of guilt that weighed me down.

“But I said it’s not like I’m sick……”

“Tae-gyeom.”

I had to admit it. Now, it was the limit.

“I’m an Omega.”

Every moment stopped. His gentle gaze, his worried expression, and even his short breaths.

“It wasn’t that I was sick, it was my heat cycle.”

At first, I was going to confess. That I liked you. That I had come to like you more than I thought, and that it was now difficult to hide. I thought that even if I hid it, the ending wouldn’t change, so I brought it up.

“I didn’t have the confidence to say it, so I’ve been hiding it all this time.”

But there was something I had to say before that. Before conveying the feeling of liking you, I had to let you know that I was an Omega. Choi Tae-gyeom had to know that the Omega he hated and disliked so much was me.

“I’m sorry.”

“……”

“Sorry.”

I closed my mouth while keeping eye contact with Choi Tae-gyeom. I wanted to avoid his gaze right away, but I couldn’t because I was afraid of the reaction he would show. I had to see his change in expression clearly with my own eyes.

“……You’re now.”

Choi Tae-gyeom started to speak in a voice that was barely audible. A silence so great that even the ticking of the clock seemed loud swirled around us. He blinked, opened his eyes, and slowly asked again.

“What, did you say?”

“……I’m an Omega.”

My breath burst out. The pheromones that had been flowing out subtly suddenly became thick. Choi Tae-gyeom couldn’t hide his agitated heart and got up from the bed. He headed to the kitchen where I had put down the medicine.

“Ha.”

I heard a sound that I didn’t know if it was a sigh or a hollow laugh. The medicine bag crumpled in his fingertips. It wasn’t just the medicine bag that was crumpled.

“……Since when?”

My fingertips tingled. No matter how much he tried to control it, he couldn’t do anything about the pheromones that had already been released. I choked up, and then choked up again. Intermittent and messy pheromones burst out from Choi Tae-gyeom, who had turned his head.

“Since when, have you been an Omega?”

I didn’t deliberately remove the medicine bag. The bag with the medicine name, efficacy, and precautions probably said something like this.

Pericopan Capsule 250mg: Promotes hormone stabilization and pheromone secretion in Omegas. Do not take with suppressants.

“Just when, exactly……”

“……”

The rest of the words were not spoken. But I could hear the rest of the words he was trying to say. That one word full of betrayal, asking when he had been deceiving me.

“The day we took the college entrance exam.”

Choi Tae-gyeom didn’t even look at me. He just kept staring at the medicine bag with a darkly sunken gaze. Even though it was a side view, I could tell that his gaze was shaking wildly.

“That’s when it manifested.”

‘It’s very rare, but it can manifest in adulthood.’

Winter of nineteen. I experienced my first heat cycle before the college entrance exam. My whole body was hot, and I was delirious. The doctor diagnosed me as an ‘Omega’ and prescribed suppressants.

‘Your pheromones are very weak, so it seems like the manifestation was late. Even though it has manifested, most Dominant Alphas won’t be able to feel your pheromones. Conversely, it’s rare for you to feel pheromones either.’

He said that unless I had a blood test, no one would know I was an Omega. My pheromones were weak, and it would be difficult to get pregnant. Even if I had a heat cycle, one or two suppressants would be enough to handle it.

I thought it was a relief. That I was recessive, that I could hide the fact that I was an Omega, and that I could stay by Choi Tae-gyeom’s side.

“……Lee Yoon-woo, I’ve never felt any pheromones from you.”

But as was the case with those who manifested for the first time, I couldn’t stand Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromones either. It wasn’t important that he was a Dominant Alpha. My body, which had already fallen for Choi Tae-gyeom, reacted to him all the time.

“I’ve been next to you, even sleeping with you, but I’ve never felt pheromones from you.”

“……”

“But how could you……”

“It’s because I’m recessive.”

The expression that he didn’t want to believe it was another wound for me. The moment he turned his head and met my eyes, one side of my heart collapsed. The emotions I thought I had hidden well were torn to shreds.

“I smoked cigarettes while taking suppressants regularly.”

There were still countless suppressants hidden inside the cupboard. It was the medicine I would have taken and slept with tonight if this hadn’t happened.

“I’m so recessive that it’s enough to hide it.”

“……”

“Everyone except my parents knows. All the kids at university think I’m a Beta.”

I had worked hard for five years. Some might say it was foolish, but I was more desperate than anyone else. I didn’t want Choi Tae-gyeom to find out, so I had been deceiving everyone, including him.

“Hiding it from you is……”

“Kim Do-hyun.”

Choi Tae-gyeom’s lips twisted. He put down the medicine bag as if throwing it and clenched his teeth. I could see his tightly clenched fist trembling.

“That bastard, he knew, didn’t he.”

I felt the blood in my whole body turn cold. How do you know that? I couldn’t ask that. Choi Tae-gyeom said this with a coldly hardened expression.

“You must have thought I was a joke.”

Thump, my heart went out of sync. It wasn’t because dark pheromones were pouring out of Choi Tae-gyeom. It was because his gaze towards me was so cold that I felt resentful, even though I knew it was shameless.

“Worrying about you being sick, contacting you, and waiting in front of your house.”

His monotonous voice was cold. Choi Tae-gyeom, who took a deep breath as if trying to hold back his pheromones, covered his eyes with one hand. A very suppressed voice flowed from his half-open lips.

“But it’s a heat cycle……”

“……”

“That bastard knew you were in heat and erased your pheromones, but I didn’t even know and poured out my pheromones.”

My chest was constricted. It felt like someone was choking me. I couldn’t forget the expression Choi Tae-gyeom had when I told him to take me to Kim Do-hyun.

“Is that all I am to you?”

Choi Tae-gyeom lowered his hand that had been covering his eyes and looked at me. His gaze, which had always been kind, was now filled with various emotions. His reddened eyes looked like a deep wound that had festered and burst.

He bit his lower lip and added in a self-deprecating tone.

“Friends are useless.”

I couldn’t say anything. That it wasn’t like that, that it was a misunderstanding, that it was an unavoidable choice. Countless candidates came to mind, but none of the words came out of my mouth.

That damn friend. Those two words dropped my mood to the bottom.

“It’s not like I hid it because I liked it.”

I knew that I shouldn’t be angry. I was the one who lied, and I was the one who had to apologize now. No matter what Choi Tae-gyeom said, I had to apologize first.

“It was hard for me too.”

But even knowing that, I was angry. At Choi Tae-gyeom, who was making a betrayed expression, at Choi Tae-gyeom, who was looking disappointed, and at myself, who was hurt by that. I was so mad that I couldn’t even hide it this time.

“It’s not that you were a joke, it’s that I was a joke.”

I had never thought of him as a joke. If I had thought that way, I wouldn’t have even dared to hide it from the beginning.

“I was a joke for taking suppressants, smoking pheromone cigarettes, and lying about being a Beta.”

The more I spoke, the more resentment piled up. The suppressants I took to an excessive degree, and the cigarettes I didn’t even smoke. I was so busy suppressing my pheromones that I couldn’t even excrete them normally.

“You only care about me lying, and you don’t care why I hid it? Have you ever thought about how hard it’s been for me for the past five years?”

My breathing became rough. My stomach was boiling, and I felt like pheromones were gushing out. Choi Tae-gyeom coldly twisted his face at me, who was slowly catching my breath.

“Then you should have told me in advance.”

“……”

“When I was worried about you without knowing anything, when I said I was glad you weren’t an Omega. No, when I was pouring out pheromones without even knowing you were in heat.”

It was an atmosphere that would break at any moment if anyone raised their voice. Choi Tae-gyeom’s pheromones were sharp, as if they would cut at any moment.

“At least, you should have told me when that bastard Kim Do-hyun knew.”

“What would have changed if I had told you?”

Sparks flew at the end of our gazes. I tried to calm down my anger, but my emotions burst out to the point that such an attempt was useless.

“How can I tell you that I’m an Omega when you say you hate Omegas so much that they give you the creeps.”

It was against the rules to create a situation where I couldn’t tell you and then expect me to tell you. It was also against the rules to only show the wounds he had received, without knowing what kind of worries I had.

“You’re the one who said you wouldn’t be friends with me if I was an Omega. You’re the one who was relieved that I wasn’t an Omega, and you were the one who was relieved.”

“……”

“What would have been different if I had told you in advance?”

Would it have been different if I had told you in advance? If I had told you the truth on the day it manifested. If I had, how would our relationship have changed now?

“Ah, one thing would have been different.”

No matter what assumption I made, the end was the same. Whether Choi Tae-gyeom was angry, or disappointed in me, or pretended to be okay and moved on. We wouldn’t have remained friends until now, five years later.

“We would have been strangers.”

A heavy silence fell. An precarious atmosphere, like walking on ice, swirled around us. That was even more so because of Choi Tae-gyeom’s suddenly stopped pheromones.

He opened his mouth with a calm voice, his expression frighteningly serene.

“……You don’t seem to know what I’m angry about.”

The corner of his lips trembled slightly. He seemed to be choosing his words carefully, opening and closing his mouth. His shallow breaths were a mess of tremors.

“I’m not angry because you’re an Omega, but because you deceived me.”

As soon as Choi Tae-gyeom finished speaking, his lips twisted. The slightly upturned corner of his mouth formed a sneer I had never seen before.

“You think that I, who’s known you my whole life, would hate you just because you’re an Omega. But you don’t think about what some Alpha you’ve known for a month might do to you?”

It felt like I’d been hit in the back of the head. I opened my mouth haltingly, but no words came out of my constricted throat. My mind went blank, and my vision clouded over.

“You were worried about telling me you were an Omega and me cutting you off. But you didn’t think that that bastard might harm you when you’re in heat?”

It was something I had never considered. I was so busy avoiding Choi Tae-gyeom that I couldn’t think of anything else. As Choi Tae-gyeom said, Kim Do-hyun could do anything to me.

“You told me not to worry because I’m a Beta. You said there was no need to erase Kim Do-hyun’s pheromone because I can’t feel pheromones.”

The words I had said to him came back to me. Just a few days ago, I had hugged him to reassure him when he was feeling down.

“The slip-ups I made because I thought you were a Beta are wrong, but the things you said to deceive me aren’t wrong?”

I wanted to say that it was all for him. But I couldn’t, because Choi Tae-gyeom continued, his expression as if he was about to cry.

“Right now, you’re just blaming it all on my trauma.”

There was nothing I could say. The anger that had been surging up disappeared without a trace. I needed to say something, but I couldn’t even open my mouth. Choi Tae-gyeom’s gaze, his expression, all of it was clearly etched in my mind.

“The last five years.”

Choi Tae-gyeom’s voice was faint, as if it would disappear at any moment. Not the volume of his voice, but the emotions he was revealing.

“The five years you avoided me, going to boarding school, joining the army, pretending not to be home.”

“……”

“Have you ever thought about how hellish that was?”

I felt ashamed. It felt like I had poured filth all over myself and was standing in front of Choi Tae-gyeom. It was as if all my flaws had been exposed, and the situation was irreversible.

“I wondered if something was wrong, if I had done something wrong, if you were really annoyed that I kept relying on you.”

The five years that had been so difficult for me had been hellish for him too. My unannounced disappearances had been hard on Choi Tae-gyeom as well.

“I thought you’d contact me tomorrow, the day after tomorrow. Next month, next year, no, you’d contact me as soon as I finished my military service.”

The more he spoke, the more intense Choi Tae-gyeom’s emotions became. It was clear that he was barely managing to suppress his voice, which he was trying to keep calm.

“I wrote over a hundred letters to you when you were in the army.”

I wasn’t the only one overflowing with emotions. He couldn’t control the emotions that were rising up, and he was releasing pheromones. It was a quiet, heavy, gloomy pheromone.

“I went to your house several times, but I always just turned around and came back.”

“……”

“I couldn’t call or text you because I was afraid you’d hate it, but I participated in every school event, hoping to run into you by chance.”

There were many strange things about Choi Tae-gyeom’s actions. He missed me, but he didn’t actively contact me. He tried to create coincidences, but he didn’t reach out himself.

“But you were hiding because you’re an Omega.”

“……”

“You just didn’t trust me, that’s why.”

I felt like something was wrong. The guy I knew, the reaction I had expected, the five years I had imagined for him, weren’t like this. They weren’t this terrible and heavy.

“I’m the only idiot who was worried.”

I felt a subtle sense of unease. The overflowing emotions were completely conveyed to me. Even though the reason filling my head was shouting that it couldn’t be, everything he said was clearly transmitted. It was an emotion accompanied by a slight sense of déjà vu.

“……I’m leaving. I can’t stay any longer today.”

He said that and turned away without hesitation. The bag of pills lying scattered in one corner looked like our tattered emotions. I didn’t even think about stopping him, and I just watched his broad shoulders. The pheromones that leaked out intermittently felt like they were crying.

“Don’t come to school, just rest. Don’t come out when you can’t even take your suppressants.”

My heart was pounding. Was it the effect of the injection again, or were the pheromones bursting out from the inside? Or maybe it wasn’t just the effect of the injection. The emotions he poured out kept making me think one thing.

“Don’t skip meals because you don’t have an appetite.”

Maybe the longing he had was similar to mine. Maybe those five years, the emotions that I thought were different, were actually all the same.

“Take your medicine, okay?”

“……Hey.”

The words I wanted to say were swirling in my mouth. But before that, a short call came out. He had bent down to put on his shoes, but he slowly turned to face me.

“……”

I knew it wasn’t true. I knew that it could never be. I also knew that asking this was something I shouldn’t do.

“……By any chance.”

Choi Tae-gyeom calmly waited for me to finish. He was holding the doorknob, but he didn’t seem to be planning to leave until I said the rest. He was so angry, so emotional, but even in this situation, he was listening to me.

“Do you,”

It keeps making me want to delude myself. I know it’s a delusion, but I want to doubt it, and I want to ask to avoid doubting it. I know that this is by no means a good question between him and me, but I still want to confirm it.

“Do you like me?”

The question that popped out was light. Considering the messed-up emotions we had exchanged so far, it was a very peaceful question. Even I, who had said the words, was taken aback, and even Choi Tae-gyeom, who had heard the question, was dumbfounded. Ha, Choi Tae-gyeom let out a hollow laugh.

“You really.”

As if to say, “What are you talking about?” Choi Tae-gyeom opened the front door with a dumbfounded smile. Yeah, there’s no way. A question like, “Do you like me?” wouldn’t even be worth answering to him.

As I thought that and turned my gaze away, Choi Tae-gyeom’s voice pierced my ears.

“You’re only realizing that now?”

I couldn’t say anything. Because the front door slammed shut with a bang. I was belatedly surprised and got out of bed, but he was no longer standing in front of the door.

To be continued in the next volume