By Zephyria *
An announcement was made that the train would be arriving soon. Ashley couldn’t overcome his anxiety and got up from his seat, pacing back and forth in the same spot. Time continued to pass. But Koi showed no sign of appearing.
Was three hours too short?
Regret washed over him belatedly. He had decided to meet at the station, thinking that Father’s employees might come after them, and he had taken a roundabout route, but he should have just gone to pick him up. Maybe it was too much for Koi to ride his bicycle on the road.
I hope nothing happened.
Suppressing his anxious heart, he checked his cell phone. There were still no calls from him.
“Koi……”
A boy of similar height came into view, and he almost called out to him without realizing it, but it was someone else. Ashley was soon disappointed and looked at his cell phone again.
There was really not much time left. In the end, he couldn’t stand it and dialed the number.
Even while listening to the dry dial tone, he kept glancing around the station where people were coming and going. His brow furrowed involuntarily with anxiety. An announcement was made that the train was arriving.
*
Koi sat quietly and looked at Father’s sleeping face. The hospital room was quiet except for the occasional sound of machines. Under the bright lights of the hospital room, which were different from the dim lights of the Motorhome, Koi was able to examine Father’s appearance closely for the first time in a long time.
There, a very haggard and dry, gaunt man was lying in bed. His complexion was bloodless, his lips were chapped, and his body was bony, with thin skin stretched over them, making him look unfamiliar.
Seeing the man, who had felt so big and strong until now, lying there so pathetically, Koi felt strange. He couldn’t believe that this person was his father.
〈You didn’t know.〉
The doctor’s words came to mind. Father had already been diagnosed at this hospital and knew the results. That the cancer had already spread throughout his body and there was nothing they could do.
Suddenly, Koi remembered that Father had tried to say something to him several times but had stopped. And that he hadn’t laid a hand on him recently either.
Maybe, that’s why.
〈He’ll only have about six months left at most.〉
The doctor said that and looked at Koi with pity. But Koi still didn’t feel it was real. Father has cancer. ……Only six months left.
Who could believe that?
But he had clearly seen it before his eyes. Father’s appearance as he collapsed, coughing up blood. Above all, looking at this man, who was as dry as a winter leaf, anyone would suspect that he had a serious illness.
No way…….
Koi closed his eyes and buried his face in his hands. He was confused by the unexpected situation and didn’t know what to do, when suddenly he heard a faint groan. He slowly lifted his face from his hands, and Father was frowning and moving his body little by little, as if he was trying to come to his senses.
Koi quietly watched him barely open his eyes and focus. Father, who was gasping for breath and staring at the ceiling, slowly turned his head. Their eyes met, and they looked at each other for a moment.
At first, Father didn’t seem to recognize Koi. He blinked blankly a few times, and then tried to get up in surprise, but soon lay back down. Koi was startled and froze, then cautiously looked at Father, who was gasping for breath and drooping.
“Koi……”
Father, who had barely caught his breath, called him in a hoarse voice. Koi quietly looked at him. Soon, tears welled up in Father’s eyes.
“You’re here, you stayed. You didn’t leave……”
He couldn’t just leave someone who was spitting up blood in front of him. Besides, it was his father, not some stranger. But the words that came out of Koi’s mouth were completely different.
“……I heard you’re very sick.”
Father paused at the small, mumbled words. After a moment of no reaction, he finally sighed slowly and opened his mouth.
“I was going to tell you……”
That was probably true. Koi also knew that he had hesitated several times and tried to say something to Koi. Father closed his eyes with a pale face and muttered.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t have the courage to say it……. If I said it out loud, it felt like I was really admitting that I was going to die soon.”
But it had ended up like this. Now he couldn’t deny it anymore.
Silence fell between them again. Father, who had been watching the IV drip for a while, continued in a weak voice.
“That day, when I heard from that woman that you were with that guy…… I lost my mind. I should have heard what happened to you first, but I didn’t get paid that day and I was unlucky, so I drank out of spite……”
He said that far, then shook his head.
“No, this is just an excuse. No matter what I say, how can I justify hitting you like that.”
Koi quietly listened to his words. Father’s confession continued.
“When I found out that you had left home with that guy, I suddenly came to my senses.”
His voice began to tremble little by little.
“When I thought I might never see you again, I don’t know how much I regretted it. I should have told you sooner. I should have…… apologized to you.”
Koi was blankly listening to the words of atonement flowing from Father’s mouth. He hadn’t expected this situation at all, so he couldn’t think of anything to say. Father continued to speak.
“I had been thinking about it for a while, ever since I knew I might die…… I wanted to apologize to you. To you…… how cruel I was to you. You must have had a hard time losing your mother too, but you were just a small child……”
Sobbing began to mix into Father’s voice. He lay down and raised both arms to cover his face and continued to speak.“I knew it wasn’t your fault. It’s just that I, we all, were unlucky. …But I couldn’t bear it without blaming someone. …And I poured it all out on you, I’m such trash.”
A sob escaped him. Koi could see thick tears streaming down his father’s face. Father sobbed and atoned.
“I’m sorry, Koi. I’m sorry… Can you give me one more, last chance? I’m sorry, but just until I die, just a few months, stay by my side… If you, if even you leave me, I, I…”
Unable to finish his sentence, Father burst into tears, shaking like a child. Koi just sat there, watching him.
Suddenly, a very old memory overlapped his vision. Father washing the car, his brother wielding the hose and spraying Koi with water, himself screaming and running to his mother, and his mother laughing out loud at them all.
Why does that day’s memory come back so vividly before his eyes?
Happy days never disappear. They lie deeply asleep somewhere deep inside, and then suddenly awaken like this, shaking his whole heart.
The air of that time, the wind that brushed his cheek, the water droplets that splashed all over his body, the laughter of that time.
Doesn’t it all come back so vividly before his eyes now?
Father, laughing cheerfully and lifting him up, overlapped with the man he was now, and Koi’s vision blurred. Large teardrops streamed down his cheeks, and Father’s sobs echoed quietly in the hospital room.
*
♬♪♪♫♬♪…….
“Koi?”
As soon as the phone rang, Ash shouted, answering it urgently. There was a brief pause on the other end, then a voice came through.
– Yeah, Ash. It’s me. Sorry for calling so late.
“Haa…”
Ashley unconsciously sighed in relief and swept back his hair.
The train had already left a long time ago. During that time, Ashley had been waiting for Koi, worried that something terrible might have happened, and he was going crazy. He called several times, but couldn’t reach him, and trains kept leaving the platform one after another, and among the dwindling number of people, the person he was waiting for most didn’t even cast a shadow.
He never wanted to experience again how nerve-wracking this was.
“What happened? Did something happen? You’re not hurt, are you?”
He asked quickly, and Koi mumbled in a small voice.
– I’m okay… Sorry, I couldn’t get in touch.
Hearing his voice, it seemed that the terrible things he had imagined hadn’t happened. Ashley sighed again, but soon anxiety rushed in.
“Koi, what happened? Where are you now? Come quickly, should I pick you up?”
If he took Koi to the station now, he could barely catch the last train. If necessary, he could drive to the next station and take the first train. The plan could be modified as much as necessary. If only Koi was there.
If only Koi was there.
-Ash.
Koi called his name in a trembling voice from the other end.
– I’m sorry. I… can’t go.
At first, he thought he had misheard. Ashley blinked and asked again.
“Ah, sorry. I didn’t hear you properly, what did you say just now?”
Even then, he believed. There was no way Koi would betray him.
– I’m sorry.
Koi apologized to him again. Between ragged breaths, he squeezed out the words.
– I can’t go with you… I’m sorry, I’m really sorry.
Ashley stood there blankly, stunned, and froze.