By Zephyria 
“An engagement ceremony? Between you, Brother, and me?”
There should be a limit to nonsense so that you can just ignore it and think, “Oh, a dog is barking somewhere.” The first incident that happened like an accident on the day I returned from the North was entirely his responsibility, but the misfortune during the example of the abangsu event, which I didn’t even want to remember, was my problem. We just gave and took once each, so I thought we could just consider it settled, but an engagement ceremony? Who decided that? And, what? Take care of the Crown Prince? Who did you get consent from for that?
“It seems that the esteemed Little Count also has a great talent for delusions. This younger brother really didn’t know until this day, Brother.”
I clapped my hands and made fun of him. However, the first son, as if he didn’t care about this level of sarcasm, just kept saying what he wanted to say without changing his expression.
“It seems that you still have a hard time accepting it. It doesn’t matter. I’ve decided, and things will proceed sequentially no matter what you say.”
“Ha…”
“You don’t love the Crown Prince that much anyway, do you? What does it matter? Even Kyle in the past was just a means for you to escape the mansion anyway.”
His definitive voice was so adamant, as if he wouldn’t allow any objections. Even when he was spouting the right words, his ability to make people instinctively feel rebellious was quite a talent.
“That’s right. I won’t deny it. But how can my not loving His Highness the Crown Prince be a reason to hold an engagement ceremony with you, Brother?”
“Because it’s the easiest and simplest way for you to get this mansion. Did you think I didn’t know?”
The reason you’ve always wanted to escape the mansion is because you’re afraid of being kicked out first, aren’t you? As expected, the brilliant Little Count knew how to use his eloquent tongue to deeply stab people’s vitals. And only in the most painful way.
“You’re afraid of being abandoned by your parents. You’re terrified of losing everything you’ve built or inherited as ‘Noah Hamilton’ in an instant.”
“……”
“You’ve always been like that. All your life, you’ve been anxious about falling out of your parents’ favor… You didn’t even go near the marketplace, where other young nobles casually wandered, with an almost obsessive aversion. Why? Because your mother hated the place where the real ‘Noah’ disappeared. You always seem so confident, receiving love and doing whatever you want, but it’s all pretense and exaggeration.”
Every word stung. Before he knew it, his neatly trimmed fingernails were digging sharply into the palm of his tightly clenched fist.
“You know better than anyone that the love you receive is at best like cherishing a pretty bird in a cage, right? You can’t become a real ‘Hamilton.’ If the real Noah were to return one day as if by a miracle, you’d be a toy shoved into the warehouse in an instant. Of course, among the toys, you’d be the most cherished one, since no one resembles the youngest son as much as you do, and no one has kept you by their side and watched over you for as long.”
That can’t be, I wanted to shout, do you know how much Father and Mother love me, you’re the only one in this family who hates me this much. I wanted to list all the ways Frederick cherished me. But… but…
“Admit it, Noah. Among those within the family circle, I am the only one who truly treats you as an independent individual and respects you.”
Damn it, Andrew Hamilton’s words were all true. The kind Count and the gentle Countess, Frederick Hamilton, who had a strong grip beneath his cheerful smile…
I had personally experienced countless times how much they changed after the appearance of the real ‘Noah,’ Allen Hamilton.
“If you intend to pretend you don’t know, I’ll turn a blind eye. I didn’t intend to get your consent anyway.”
It would have been less humiliating to become a mindless fool, devoid of reason and shame, hanging my arms around his neck and childishly demanding a kiss. Compared to the mortification and extreme shame I felt at this moment, the emotions I felt from merely executing the event were nothing. It felt like my hidden weaknesses had been exposed.
My heart, stabbed in its sore spot, throbbed. His heavy words relentlessly scraped the wounded area like sandpaper. It was stinging and painful. Even shedding tears felt like a luxury. My clenched fist trembled, and the blood tasted bitter on my tightly bitten lower lip. But I couldn’t even recognize the pain. The heart screaming for help was more desperate than merely trying to ignore the situation with physical pain.
The burning shame resembled anger more than sadness.
The most miserable thing was that there was no clear scapegoat to place at the end of this anger.
No matter what humiliation and misery I had experienced, it meant nothing to those who had no memory of the past Iteration. Andrew Hamilton, who was repeatedly hitting the bullseye with his babbling, was the same.
“So, my beloved brother.”
“……”
“Choose me. Becoming my wife and still keeping the name Noah Hamilton is the simplest way to maintain the favor of your parents, which you so desperately want to protect.”
After finishing his statement, which was too painful and bitter to dismiss as mere nonsense, Andrew gently sucked on my lower lip, which was already bleeding. The kiss, devoid of any pheromone, smelled bitter. As if trying to soothe the wound he had inflicted, he sucked and sucked on my lip until it stopped bleeding.
My trembling fist couldn’t bring itself to punch him in the cheek or grab his collar and shake him.
“Yes, I’m thinking of visiting Duke Grachio.”
“……”
“Have a good trip. It would be best not to return too late.”
Andrew, who wiped his wet lips with his thumb, turned around and strode back towards the main building, as if he had no intention of receiving my farewell in the first place.
Left alone, I suddenly looked up at the sky. Fresh sunlight poured down like a fountain through the leaves of the towering garden trees. I closed my eyes. I just felt dizzy.
“What’s wrong, Noah? You don’t seem to be able to concentrate today.”
“Ah. I’m sorry.”
“No, no. I’m not asking for an apology. Is something the matter?”
Beatrice’s eyes, looking up at me from across the table, were full of thoughtful concern. I smiled and said it was nothing, then hurriedly moved my fingers. We were playing chess together for the first time in a while. It wasn’t the first time I had been absentmindedly staring at the board when it was my turn to move, and she had startled me back to my senses, so she seemed to find it strange.
Beatrice and I had an exactly 50/50 win rate in chess. Our skills were usually similar, but today I had been losing miserably for three games in a row. Beatrice, who had been happy when she won the first game, didn’t know what to do because she was worried about me.
“Actually, I haven’t been able to sleep well lately. I tend to have nightmares…”
“Oh. I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t want to worry you. Beatrice has been having a hard time because of the Duchess until now.”
As I had guessed, the Duchess had recently made a full recovery from her illness and regained her original condition. Thanks to that, Beatrice, who had been living a life close to seclusion, had also started to engage in social activities again.
Beatrice, who firmly believed the excuse I had made up, immediately cleared the chessboard and offered me a guest bedroom. She told me to get some sleep right away, and she would wake me up if I seemed to be having a nightmare. It was an excuse, but it wasn’t a lie, so I didn’t refuse.
The comfortable bedroom with thick curtains was the perfect place to enjoy a nap. I could feel the sharp tension slowly easing. Come to think of it, there was no need to bring Allen, a low-ranking servant, when visiting other noble families… It felt like it was almost the first time I had been so far away from him since Allen had appeared.
I couldn’t fall completely asleep, but just closing my eyes seemed to relieve the throbbing headache.
Beatrice, who had lit a silver candlestick on the table a few steps away, was engrossed in reading practical books, which she had recently taken up as a hobby.
How long had it been? The languid nerves were just about to cross over into the realm of complete sleep. Knock, knock, a neat knock was heard.
“Come in.”
“Lady, the master is looking for you for a moment.”
“Huh? Father, now? Father knows Noah is coming today…”
“Grand Duke Graham’s arrival in the capital seems to be sooner than expected. He urgently wants you to come to discuss matters related to this.”
The sleep that had been gently pouring down instantly vanished. The day I would meet young Carlisle again was finally just around the corner.