By Zephyria Winston didn’t answer immediately. He just stared at Yu-jin’s face. But Yu-jin thought he had already expected it. He didn’t seem surprised or uncomfortable at all.
After sitting in silence for a while, Winston moved slowly. Yu-jin watched him intently as he placed the glass he was holding on the table, leaned his elbows on his widely spread legs, and leaned his upper body forward, focusing on him.
“What I’m curious about, darling.”
Yu-jin tensed reflexively at the slow, drawn-out voice. Winston continued, moving his lips particularly slowly.
“Is what happened after you left Delights. How you ended up in that state.”
The words “that state” contained a multitude of meanings. Yu-jin felt a sense of pressure as if his throat was blocked, and took a deep, trembling breath. Now that he was about to talk about it, it was almost anticlimactic. He felt strangely drained. Why am I trying to do this pointless thing, when he won’t believe me anyway?
Memories of the past flooded back, and Yu-jin gave up, taking a sip of the wine he was holding. The only reason he was doing this useless thing was because of what Sam had said. For his own sake, in case he ever regretted it. Thinking that way made him feel better.
“After being kicked out of the mansion, I felt so lost. The money I had was barely enough to last a few days.”
Perhaps because he had half given up, the words flowed smoothly. After taking another sip of wine, Yu-jin continued.
“I hitchhiked to the train station. I wanted to get as far away as possible. I got off and hitchhiked again, and got another ride…”
Remembering the forgotten memories made him laugh for no reason. Yu-jin chuckled and joked.
“Once, I got a ride in a truck, and they said there was no room, but I could ride in the cargo bed if I was okay with that. What could I do? I thanked them and got in, but it was full of chickens.”
Ugh, Yu-jin groaned and shook his head.
“I still remember that smell vividly.”
Yu-jin rambled on to Winston, who was just listening silently.
“Then, the last place I arrived was the city where Sam was. The city was nice, people would give me coins if I sat on the street, and they would throw away uneaten hamburgers in the trash…”
“Wait a minute.”
For the first time, Winston interrupted Yu-jin. With a strangely pale face, he opened his mouth.
“You rummaged through the trash? You’re saying you ate discarded food?”
“What else could I do? I had nothing to eat.”
Yu-jin said casually. Winston seemed shocked, but seeing his expression didn’t make Yu-jin feel anything in particular. Wasn’t that a natural reaction? He probably lived his life without ever imagining that such poverty existed.
“Trash cans are great, they’re treasure troves. I’ll tell you something good. If you collect cans and plastic bottles and take them in, they’ll give you money. If you ever become a beggar, look in the trash cans first, you’re big, so other people won’t dare try to take them from you.”
Yu-jin chuckled, but Winston didn’t laugh.
“That means.”
Winston spoke with difficulty.
“You were even robbed of that? By other guys?”
Uncharacteristically rough, but Yu-jin just shrugged.
“What can I do? One punch and I’d fly that far. If I don’t want to get hit, I have to give it to them before they raise their hands.”
Yu-jin, making a whooshing sound with his mouth and drawing a parabola with his finger as if to show off, chuckled again. Winston just stared at Yu-jin. Yu-jin continued without any particular emotion, as if he was trying to understand each and every thing he had said.
“I was especially hungry that day. Had I been starving for five days? I felt like I was going to die. I had all my cans stolen, and there was no discarded food in the trash cans. Eventually, I couldn’t stand it anymore and loitered near the gas station. I was going to beg someone to give me some money when they got out of their car.”
The memory of that time was as vivid as if it had happened just yesterday, but strangely, his heart was calm. Was it because it was all in the past? Yu-jin continued indifferently.
“I couldn’t muster the courage, so I missed a few cars, but I couldn’t take it anymore, so I spoke to one person. It was a big man, and when I asked him for help, he looked me up and down like this.”
He took a breath and exhaled slowly. Fortunately, his voice didn’t tremble.
“He asked if I was an omega, and I said yes. The man mistook me for a male prostitute. He asked how much.”
Yu-jin didn’t bother to look at Winston and fixed his gaze on the wine glass. He felt as if he had returned to that day. Even though that could never be.
“It wasn’t the first time. I had always been horrified and ran away, but that day I couldn’t. Yeah, the body will eventually rot away after death, right? I was about to starve to death, what couldn’t I do? That’s what I thought that day. I was really, really hungry…”
His face seemed to be reflected in the wine, which was as red and clear as blood. Yu-jin put down the glass and continued.
“I got in the man’s car and went to a cheap motel. I just… thought I just had to sleep with him, but when I went into the room, suddenly…”
His breath, which had been calm until now, became rough and disordered. Yu-jin couldn’t help but cover his face with both hands. His long, thin fingers trembled terribly.
“He slapped me in the face.”
The flow of air seemed to stop for a moment. Yu-jin didn’t realize it, but Winston was looking at him with a pale face. Still burying his face in his hands, Yu-jin continued to speak. In a voice that trembled wildly.
“At first, I didn’t know what was happening. I was lying on the floor, confused, but he picked me up and kept hitting me, and hitting me again…”
The horror of that day was vividly revived. Yu-jin couldn’t stand the trembling all over his body. Haa, haa, Winston quickly got up from his seat at the sight of him gasping for breath.
“Okay, stop now.”
“The man was a sadist.”
He tried to stop Yu-jin, but he didn’t stop. Winston stood frozen, looking down at Yu-jin.
“He was a man who got excited the more he hit me. I felt like I was going to pass out from being hit so much. I might have passed out. Anyway, the man was choking me, and I was trying to get out of it somehow…”
Heuk, Yu-jin, taking a rough breath like a sob, finally confessed.
“I grabbed an ashtray and hit him in the head with it.”
His trembling didn’t stop. Winston wanted to tell him to stop now, but he was too shocked to speak. Yu-jin, repeating short breaths, haa, haa, barely managed to continue.
“I barely got free, but he was so angry that I was so scared. I grabbed a chair and hit him with all my might, but I don’t know how many times I hit him. Anyway, when I came to my senses, the man was lying down.”
Yu-jin’s trembling subsided somewhat. He forced himself to relax his shoulders and breathed heavily.
“I was about to run away, but there was a wallet on the table.”
The events of that day were replayed before his eyes. The man lying bleeding and himself running out with his wallet.
“Why did that catch my eye at that time…? I shouldn’t have taken it out, was I possessed at that moment? Was I out of my mind…? Anyway, when I came to my senses, I was outside with it…”
What was that feeling at that time? Something that was neither a sense of liberation nor guilt. The tears that poured out after barely hiding in the alley and confirming that he was safe were still vivid. Yu-jin barely calmed his excitement and added in a low voice.
“And the man reported me to the police. I was arrested for prostitution and robbery. The rest is as you know.”
The story was over. Yu-jin leaned back on the sofa, feeling exhausted. His mind was blank and he couldn’t think of anything. Winston just stood there, looking down at Yu-jin.
He saw him hesitate and raise his hand, then lower it again. Winston seemed to be in tremendous shock. Well, he probably never thought he would hear about such a rough thing. Yu-jin thought self-deprecatingly and blinked. Thud, a dull sound was heard. Winston had sat back down on the sofa. Yu-jin just let him rub his face several times with one hand. Winston tried to say something but stopped, then washed his face with both hands this time.