6 – Chapter 6 Part 2

A throbbing headache at his temples roused him to consciousness. Hae-won opened his eyes. The hospital ceiling filled his blurry vision. Hae-won jerked his body up as if having a seizure.

Outside the window, the midday sun shimmered beyond the curtains.

He remembered being carried out by Woo-jin from the villa basement where flames had been raging hotly, up the stairs blackened with rising soot. He remembered rolling on the dirt floor with only one thought: he had to kill him.

He recalled what he had done to him last night.

Hae-won looked down at his own hands.

Somehow, the hands that had gripped the murder weapon were clean, without a speck of dirt or soot.

His hands trembled violently. He had tried to kill him, but the rock was too heavy. It wasn’t easy to aim for the head. Instead, he had achieved the feat of inflicting a major wound on his shoulder, but he felt no joy at all.

Hae-won remembered what Woo-jin had done to him, and what he had done to Tae-shin.

He had been jealous of Tae-shin when he heard Woo-jin had introduced Tae-shin to his friends. He had envied someone already dead and gone, wondering if Woo-jin liked Tae-shin more than him. But that wasn’t all of his filthy emotions.

Remembering how he had ignored Tae-shin’s calls, Hae-won wanted to immediately smash these useless hands that failed to kill Woo-jin with a hammer. He wanted to crush his fingers.

Rolling his anxious eyes, he frantically searched for something to smash when the hospital room door opened and someone entered. Hae-won, sensitive to every sensation like a drug addict, was startled and turned his head.

It was Choi Hyun-mi.

“Hae-won, you’re awake. Are you with us now?”

“…….”

“I heard from Woo-jin. You’ve had gastric lavage and are on your second IV pack, so you’ll be fine soon.”

Choi Hyun-mi in a white gown approached. She checked the IV in Hae-won’s arm and the remaining fluid level. Hae-won lowered his gaze, his face pale.

It seemed the man with the foul mouth who had attempted murder last night hadn’t told his mother. Choi Hyun-mi remained kind to Hae-won, who had tried to kill her son.

Observing Hae-won, who was only contemplating breaking his fingers, with calm eyes, Choi Hyun-mi quietly spoke.

“I heard you two broke up.”

“…….”

“Woo-jin may speak harshly, but he has special feelings for you, Hae-won. I know because I’m his mother. All that talk about ending things because you were interfering with work and were a nuisance is probably all lies. Woo-jin still likes you, Hae-won. Just look at how frantically he contacted me when you were sick… because he doesn’t trust other doctors.”

Surprisingly, the fact that Woo-jin—that heartless, tearless human—was honest about everything with his mother, the fact that there was someone on this planet he didn’t lie to, still astonished Hae-won even in this state.

It seemed even such a person needed at least one person with whom he could be honest about his true feelings. How safe a conversational partner was the mother who bore him? The only one in this world who could cover all his faults and sins was his mother.

He wondered if she knew about the things he had done to Tae-shin and to him. He wondered if that mother truly knew the reality of her son who confessed everything honestly.

Although he had learned another aspect of Woo-jin’s true nature last night—a nature so expected by now it wasn’t even surprising—Hae-won only heard Choi Hyun-mi’s murmur that Woo-jin still liked him. Only those words, that he still liked him, stuck sharply in his chest. Even knowing what had been done to Tae-shin there, Hae-won was only concerned with those words.

The ugly duplicity of hoping there was something different in his feelings for him, and the guilt he felt towards Tae-shin, flooded like filthy sewage.

He wasn’t just a bad man. It wasn’t just that level. He was the worst. He was trash. Whether Woo-jin participated or just watched like last night, it was a clear fact that he had thrown Tae-shin into their hands.

He had asked various questions, saying he was investigating Tae-shin’s unresolved suicide. He had wanted to know if Tae-shin had divulged to Hae-won what happened at the Yangpyeong villa. Everything had been intentional from the start.

Now there was nothing left to be surprised or disappointed about, yet hot, angry tears fell plop plop onto his hospital gown.

“Hae-won. I’m sorry. Let me apologize on his behalf.”

“…….”

“If our Woo-jin made some mistake… hmm? Couldn’t you forgive him?”

“…….”

“Couldn’t you two meet again? I’ll persuade Woo-jin. He says he ended it first, but don’t I know him? If it was just that kind of relationship, he wouldn’t have even told me about it. For Woo-jin, the very idea of wanting to live with someone is impossible.”

“…….”

“Please think about it again. He’s only just starting to become like a person, he’s changing because of you, Hae-won, I don’t know what happened, but I’ll apologize. That’s not Woo-jin’s true heart.”

She only knew he lacked emotion; clearly, Choi Hyun-mi didn’t know what her son was doing. No matter that he was her child, she couldn’t possibly feel such pity for such a person. Even a mother, if she were human, couldn’t.

Choi Hyun-mi grabbed Hae-won’s other hand, the one without the IV, and was now pleading.

“Hae-won.”

“We’ll handle it ourselves.”

As Hae-won coldly replied, Choi Hyun-mi sighed, clearly showing her disappointment.

“…Alright, do that.”

“…….”

“I’ll discharge you when the IV finishes and the blood test results come back if everything’s okay. Do you want some nutritional supplements?”

“…….”

Choi Hyun-mi looked at Hae-won, who was coldly lowering his gaze, not even meeting her eyes, with a pitying heart, patted his hand, and turned away.

Hae-won, lying stretched out on the bed looking out the window, reached toward the nightstand at the vibration of his phone. The number wasn’t saved, but seeing the last digits, it was Lee Seok-joong.

Woo-jin doesn’t spend time without reason. He probably maintained friendships and met them regularly to use them later. That’s what he did there. Both Lee Seok-joong and Hyun Woo-jin were disgusting. He rejected the call. He didn’t want to answer anyone’s call. He turned off his phone.

“…….”

Just as I want to jump out of the hospital window now, Tae-shin must have felt the same.

If he had no feelings for Woo-jin, he might have just considered it stepping in shit and forgotten it. Because Tae-shin liked him, loved him, it was harder. Just like me.

He didn’t want to empathize with another’s death, but an extremely deep empathy and sense of kinship surged in.

Breaking his shoulder wasn’t enough to end it. Hae-won curled his body small as if entering a cocoon. His heart desperately and precariously shrank along with it.

As he lay curled up, he heard the door open. He hurriedly closed his eyes and pretended to sleep. He suddenly regretted not having escaped before the blood test results came. He didn’t want to see the kind Choi Hyun-mi anymore either. He didn’t want to see anything that reminded him of Woo-jin.

The person who opened the door and entered was quiet.

Footsteps in dress shoes approached the bed. The heavy footsteps weren’t Choi Hyun-mi’s. Unknowingly tense, Hae-won curled his slightly hunched back even more.

In-young, who had been standing silently looking down for a while, cautiously reached out and touched his hair. Peeking through barely open eyes, what appeared in his blurry vision was Woo-jin’s hand.

Hae-won slowly held his breath.

“…….”

An extremely cautious hand swept over Hae-won’s hair. His hand carefully felt its way over Hae-won. It wasn’t a hand filled with desire. It was a hand afraid of breaking something precious as it felt and touched it.

Hae-won wanted to push his hand away, sit up abruptly, and shout at him not to touch him. Don’t touch me with that hand, don’t touch me with a hand that seems to miss me when you almost killed me, he wanted to scold him.

The hand touching his shoulder and arm pulled Hae-won’s hand, which was hiding in his curled-up embrace. With a touch as if appraising a delicate object, he fumbled over Hae-won’s hand. He checked and checked again for any flaws.

Even knowing Hae-won wasn’t asleep, Woo-jin sat by his side for a long time. Holding Hae-won’s hand, he sat quietly by the bed with his head bowed for a long while.

Hae-won kept his eyes closed, lips tightly shut, letting Woo-jin hold his hand. Only after enough time had passed that he even forgot they were holding hands did he get up. His steps were uncomfortable due to his injured shoulder. His body, remembering pain with each movement, hesitated, then he opened the door and left.

Hae-won opened his eyes. Tears streamed down the bridge of his nose and fell plop plop onto the pillowcase. He hurriedly changed clothes and left the hospital as if fleeing.

∞ ∞ ∞

At the recording studio in Cheongdam-dong, where even getting a reservation was difficult, Jae-min and Seok-jung, who was in charge of album production and investment, were waiting for Hae-won.

“Why aren’t you reachable? You said you hated answering calls, so I got you a manager. Why doesn’t he treat people like people?”

As soon as Hae-won appeared in the recording studio, Jae-min shouted with an angry face.

Hae-won stared at him blankly. He wasn’t the type to get angry easily. He wasn’t the kind of person to say unpleasant things over something like being late.

It seemed he was conscious of Lee Seok-joong and, before he could complain to Hae-won, had preemptively taken on the role of the villain.

Hae-won placed the violin case on the sofa. Seok-jung, who had been waiting for over an hour, looked up at Hae-won with his arms crossed.

“I inhaled some toxic gas and wasn’t feeling well.”

Hae-won made the excuse to Jae-min while looking at Seok-jung. Seok-jung raised an eyebrow and seemed to shrug his shoulders along with it.

“Toxic gas? Are you okay, Hae-won? Shouldn’t you rest? Hey, Director Kim. I think Hae-won needs to rest. Toxic gas these days isn’t your ordinary toxic stuff. If you inhale that stuff wrong, your head gets messed up. Your fingers can get all crooked like this.”

Seok-jung took Hae-won’s fingers and touched them playfully. Hae-won slapped his hand away.

“Really? Suddenly, what toxic gas? Are you hurt somewhere?”

“It’s true. I was even hospitalized.”

“So that’s why you didn’t answer calls? Making the manager look like a fool? That guy’s about to become unemployed a month after getting a job because of you.”

Jae-min’s tone grew increasingly rough as he spoke of how he had been anxiously worried if something had happened to Hae-won, who was unreachable, abandoning his manager.

Hae-won, who had already been refusing meals, crying, only sleeping, and showing an anxious demeanor that even made one sense crisis, had caused Jae-min’s imagination to lead only in terrible directions when he couldn’t be reached.

Seeing Hae-won unharmed brought only momentary relief before Jae-min’s anger genuinely surged.

“Huh? Really? So that’s why you didn’t answer my calls either? This won’t do. Hae-won, you really need to rest. I’ll take you. Let’s cancel today’s recording. Tomorrow, no, the day after tomorrow, let’s continue.”

Seok-jung, pushing aside Jae-min who was closely observing Hae-won’s condition, simultaneously grabbed Hae-won’s arm and the violin on the sofa. Hae-won took the violin from his hand.

“Don’t touch my violin.”

“I’m trying to accommodate you because you’re not feeling well. I’ll buy you ten of these. No, twenty. Okay?”

“President Lee.”

Jae-min tried to stop him, telling him not to joke.

“Don’t force it if the performer’s condition isn’t good. I understand the enthusiasm, but can work be done with just enthusiasm? You should rest too, Director. Let’s meet tomorrow.”

Seok-jung dragged Hae-won out by the shoulder. The sound of Jae-min’s voice calling alternately for Hae-won and Seok-jung as he followed was heard and then cut off.

Seok-jung put Hae-won in his car. Hae-won hugged the violin he had almost dropped on the floor.

Sitting in the driver’s seat, he looked back at Hae-won, who was holding the violin case preciously, and smiled.

“Did you inhale a lot of toxic gas? You look a bit lacking today?”

“Some fucking bastards did that and disappeared, so I inhaled some.”

“I wonder what fucking bastards did that.”

“So I’m thinking of killing those fucking bastards. But I don’t really know those bastards’ names.”

“Ah, you don’t know the names? I gave you a business card?”

“What are the names?”

“Hmm…….”

He didn’t answer and pulled out the parked car. His car smoothly merged into the road.

On the eight-lane downtown road at dusk, cars were turning on their lights one by one and moving in one direction like a winding wave.

“I asked what the names are.”

“It’s a secret.”

“I can probably look it up online. These days, if you search, everything comes up.”

“Someone even looked up my name online for me, thanks.”

He chuckled and laughed. Hae-won looked back at the rapidly receding scenery outside the car window and asked.

“Where are we going?”

“It’s dinner time. Let’s eat.”

“I don’t want to eat with you.”

“Don’t be like that. Dying burned in a fire in a place like that is a bit of a scene, isn’t it?”

Seok-jung had been the first to escape from the Yangpyeong villa. As if regretting the act he had unavoidably cut off then, he looked at Hae-won with a sticky, mucous-substance-like gleam in his eyes.

“That’s why I’m going to burn those fucking bastards to death.”

“Ah, why do you keep saying such scary things. I’m a person with social standing and reputation too, you know, if you look me up online, my photo and name pop right up in the people search, if it comes out that I died burned in a fire while having a group orgy with men in a place like that, what would that look like?”

“What would it look like? Just pathetic. You pathetic bastard.”

“…….”

“Stop the car.”

At Hae-won’s cold tone, he, who had been driving while looking straight ahead, tightly pressed his lips together. His expression seemed like he was holding back laughter, and also like he was holding back anger. His face, unclear what he was holding back, contorted and smoothed repeatedly.

“So that’s why Woo-jin is so crazy?”

He muttered as if to himself. Hae-won reacted sharply to Woo-jin’s name, which he uttered arrogantly.

Tilting his head, Seok-jung muttered again.

“You really know how to piss people off.”

“Want me to piss you off more, you bastard?”

“Moon Hae-won.”

“I said stop the car. If I have to look at your face while eating, I’ll probably vomit up hamburgers I ate ten years ago.”

“What’s your relationship?”

“…….”

Not listening to the main point of what he was saying, he asked. Hae-won opened his eyes unpleasantly, even though he hadn’t specifically referred to anyone.

“What’s your relationship with Woo-jin?”

“No relationship.”

“No relationship, and that reptile-like bastard set fire to the place because of you? That crazy Hyun Woo-jin tried to burn me to death, do you think I’ll just let that go? That prosecutor bastard dared to do that to me?”

“…….”

A contemptuous look that said, How dare I let scum like you do that to me? stared at Hae-won as if crushing a bug.

“Did you two fight?”

“Stop the car.”

“Did Woo-jin dump you, Hae-won? Is that why you want to provoke me so much? When you called me asking to make an album, there must have been some reason, Moon Hae-won.”

“…….”

“You contacted me because you wanted revenge on your lover, right?”

“Get lost.”

“I think you’re cute.”

“I said get lost.”

“You’re cute, and besides, it seems Hyun Woo-jin is obsessed with you right now. He’s not in his right mind. Actually, he never was in his right mind.”

He held the steering wheel with one hand and used his other hand to circle near his own temple.

“And I heard a very interesting story. Of course, a violinist doesn’t need to know about the complicated business dealings adults do. I heard Han-gyeong is trying to freeload on a business sector our group has been investing heavily in, do you know who’s in charge of that now? Kim Jeong-geun went to prison, right?”

“…….”

Unofficially, Woo-jin was in charge of the group’s strategy office. The shimmering taillights on the road were all red. The entire red light filled his vision.

“Want to fuck that bastard up with me? Have some fun along the way.”

“…….”

“I really hate bugs wriggling and crawling up. But that bug has a bigger dick than me? Wouldn’t you want to stomp on it until its guts burst, or wouldn’t you?”

Hae-won, who had been directing aggressive blades toward Seok-jung, softened his expression.

It was a good idea. A decent idea. Wanting to trample him was the same for Hae-won.

“……Then let’s invite Woo-jin Hyung too. Hyung should eat dinner too.”

“Shall we?”

At Hae-won’s words, he grinned and asked back.

“People should work while eating meals.”

Staring out the car window, Hae-won muttered blankly. His emptily raised eyes were capturing the city’s nightscape without filter.

Lee Seok-joong’s driver was standing in front of the private room of the hotel restaurant. Recognizing Woo-jin, he bowed his head in greeting.

“Is he inside?”

“Yes, he’s waiting for you.”

Knock, knock. The driver knocked and opened the door. Woo-jin stepped inside. Lee Seok-joong abruptly asked about President Kim Jeong-geun’s recent situation. It was a hint that he knew something. Woo-jin didn’t refuse the suggestion to have dinner. He needed to gauge just how much Seok-joong knew.

The Han River was visible at a glance through the wide window. It was a place with a beautiful view. Food already set on the table was laid out.

Not for two, but for three.

As Woo-jin stepped inside and stopped walking, Lee Seok-joong’s driver closed the door behind him. Behind his back, the door closed quietly with a click. The faint sound of a piano melody flowing from outside could be heard.

Seok-jung, who had already started the meal, and sitting on his lap was Hae-won.

Seating Hae-won on his own thigh, Seok-jung diligently cut the meat and put it in his mouth. Hae-won, who had been blankly staring out the window projecting the city’s desires, turned his gaze to Woo-jin.

“You’re late. Eat first, then work.”

“Yeah, you should eat before you work. Sit down, Woo-jin.”

“…….”

“Hyung Seok-jung said he’d buy something delicious, so I thought it’d be good if you ate together, so I suggested calling you. It’s okay, right?”

“Am I your hyung? You knew my name?”

“You told me.”

“Ah, did I? I’ve been forgetful lately. Must be getting old.”

When Hae-won set his mind to teasing him, he was really good at it. When Woo-jin was shaken to the point where work became impossible because of Hae-won, he had such thoughts too. Once he decided to hold on, his composure often crumbled.

Woo-jin had set his own principles to deal with Hae-won so as not to be dragged around by him. But the scene unfolding before his eyes was beyond what he had anticipated. There was no pattern to follow, no priority.

Hae-won stared with interest at Woo-jin, who had stiffened as if he would crack if touched. Seok-jung cut a piece of Iberico pork, sous-vide cooked Spanish pork, speared it with a fork, and brought it to Hae-won’s mouth. Without breaking his gaze fixed on Woo-jin, Hae-won accepted and ate the meat. The bursting flavor of fat along with the juicy meat spread fragrantly in his mouth.

“Sit. Eat.”

“…….”

Hae-won said to Woo-jin, who was standing silently. His expression revealed nothing carelessly. He slowly moved his steps.

Even when sitting in the chair set for him, his demeanor was as impeccably proper as usual.

Out of habit, he poured water and drank first, then picked up the fork and knife. The series of movements were natural and effortless. He didn’t take his eyes off Hae-won. He cut the meat with the knife. The blade moved at a steady pace. He put the pork neck cut into uniform pieces into his mouth. His jaw moved slowly as he closed his mouth and chewed the meat.

Seok-jung also cut meat and fed it to Hae-won’s mouth. Making eye contact with Woo-jin, Hae-won opened his mouth. The red meat slipped into his mouth. When juice stained the corner of his mouth, Seok-jung wiped Hae-won’s lips with his thumb.

“Making such a mess while eating. You’ll eat my finger too. Want to suck my finger?”

“Ah.”

Hae-won opened his mouth. He stuck out his tongue and sensually sucked up the two fingers Seok-jung put in his mouth.

“Ticklish. You suck well. Looks like you’d suck other things well too.”

Seok-jung pulled the fingers he had put in Hae-won’s mouth out and brought them to his own mouth, sucking on them greedily with slurping sounds.

“Your saliva is sweet too. Ah, I’m hard. Should eat quickly.”

Seok-jung nonchalantly cut the meat.

“Did you set the fire at the Yangpyeong villa?”

Hae-won asked. He wore the same expression and used the same tone as when he spoke while squirming on his lap. Seok-jung, with an arm around Hae-won’s waist, tightly pulled the unstable lower body closer.

“Woo-jin, you think I’d set fire there without knowing how much we cherished that place? It was so good because no one came, it was tucked away deep, and we didn’t have to worry about people’s eyes. Thanks to President Kim Jeong-geun abandoning it after his daughter died, we’ve been using it well until now.”

“…….”

“That girl you were engaged to.”

“…….”

“Our Woo-jin must be a bit unlucky. Everyone he meets dies. Are you some kind of icon of misfortune and curse? You need an exorcism ritual. Want me to introduce you to a shaman I know well?”

Woo-jin said nothing. It seemed Seok-jung’s words didn’t even reach his ears. He just stared piercingly at Hae-won. His gaze was like arrowheads. Each time his gaze pierced Hae-won’s exposed nape and arms, those parts tingled unbearably.

Hae-won was hurting him. The excitement of wanting to inflict a bigger wound than he had received made his lower body tremble violently.

“I know another dead person.”

“Huh?”

As if discovering an amazing coincidence, Hae-won went ‘Ah,’ then spoke cheerfully.

“My friend.”

“Who?”

Seok-jung stopped eating and asked, seemingly curious.

“Tae-shin.”

“Tae-shin……, who, ah, that guy? He was cute too.”

He nodded in acknowledgment. Hae-won felt nauseous. A disgust that felt like vomiting surged up his throat. He swallowed it down forcefully as if gulping down a fist.

Woo-jin slowly cut the meat, put it in his mouth, and chewed. Seok-jung cut meat and put it in Hae-won’s mouth, then diligently cut more and put it in his own mouth. Only the sounds of cutting meat and eating it echoed wetly. It was a disgusting noise. A disgusting carnivorous act.

“Tell Woo-jin hyung to leave now.”

“Huh? We haven’t finished eating yet? I have things to say too.”

“Tell him to leave quickly.”

“Why?”

“I want to do it.”

“Ahh……. Woo-jin, you can go now. There’s talk that Han-gyeong is the one who got our securities affiliate’s review by the Financial Services Commission rejected, let’s meet separately later and discuss that closely. If you’re done eating, get up quickly.”

Seok-jung’s lips drew a smooth arc. Scram, his hand gestured flapping in the air. Woo-jin was expressionless like a machine. His eyes, which had been watching Hae-won, rose from his seat.

He swept the dishes on the table aside with his arm in one motion, then lifted Hae-won, who had been sitting on his lap, and sat him on the table.

Grabbing Hae-won’s cheeks in his grasp, he roughly turned Hae-won’s head, who was looking back at Woo-jin’s retreating figure. Hae-won’s gaze met Seok-jung’s, whose eyes were blazing red.

“You said you want to do it? I could feel your lower part trembling since earlier.”

“…….”

Holding each knee with his hands, he sharply spread the angle. Hae-won closed his eyes, hearing Woo-jin just leaving. Just as something moist was about to touch his lips, the sound of something shattering was heard.

His eyes snapped open. His shoulder probably still wasn’t fully healed, but Woo-jin grabbed Seok-jung by the nape and threw him to the floor. As he tumbled, a chair fell over, and a vase with decorations and fresh flowers shattered with a crash.

Before Seok-jung could even squirm, Woo-jin picked up the fallen solid wood chair and immediately slammed it against the glass window. One strike caused a crack, the second strike made the split crack spread like a spiderweb, dazzlingly. One final strike and the window shattered completely.

Like picking up a trash bag rolling on the street, Woo-jin grabbed Seok-jung by the nape and lifted him. The strong wind blowing from the high-rise building rushed in like a north wind through the broken hole.

Seok-jung and Woo-jin’s clothes fluttered violently in the wild wind. He pushed Seok-jung’s head out through the broken glass window and pressed down with his arm.

“Eeek, fuck! You wanna die?! You son of a bitch. How dare you, a mere prosecutor!”

His Adam’s apple was touching the sharply broken glass shards.

Seok-jung desperately grabbed the window frame with both hands and strained to hold on. The force of Woo-jin pressing down and the resisting force clashed, making their bodies tremble violently.

Woo-jin, who had been pressing down on Seok-jung without changing his expression, opened his mouth.

“I’ve wanted to do this to you for a long time.”

“Y-you, ugh……, you fuck……, ugh.”

A little more pressure and the glass shards seemed about to pierce his occipital bone. He strained with all his might to hold on. Seok-jung’s face flushed red, and sweat beaded damply on his exposed forehead and nape.

“President!”

Startled by the sound, the driver who opened the door and came in saw Seok-jung in mortal danger and Woo-jin, bloodthirsty to kill him, and rushed over.

He tried to pull Woo-jin off, but it was futile. Then the driver hit Woo-jin’s shoulder. His knee instantly buckled.

“Kkhak! Ugh, ugh, you fuck, ah fuck!”

Seok-jung, who had his neck stuck out the window as if on a guillotine, fell backward as if released from restraint. He let out a breath as if his heart would burst.

“What are you doing?! President, are you alright?!”

“Fuck, that bastard, catch him. That bastard tried to kill me……, ugh, he tried to kill me!”

“Just two people roughhousing, what…… If you want to sue, go ahead and sue.”

Woo-jin patted the pale driver’s arm and spoke. He adjusted his disheveled clothes and grabbed the wrist of Hae-won, who was standing there dumbfounded. Pulling Hae-won’s weight firmly, he left that place.

“……Let go.”

“…….”

“Let go!”

Hae-won shouted and struggled to shake off his hand, but it didn’t even budge. Something hard and cold like ice spread from the entire palm gripping his wrist.

He didn’t let go even when they got on the elevator, nor until he forced Hae-won into his car. His hand pressed down on Hae-won’s head as he put him in the car.

“Where’s the violin.”

“……In that, that bastard’s car.”

“…….”

Woo-jin scanned the parking lot, looking for Seok-jung’s car. A conspicuous car was parked in a corner. He walked to Seok-jung’s car. He yanked open the fire hydrant on the parking building wall, took out the fire extinguisher inside, and held it. Without any hesitation, Woo-jin smashed the car window. The alarm blared loudly. He broke the remaining glass of the sharply pierced window with the fire extinguisher and took out Hae-won’s violin placed inside the car. Returning to his car, he placed the violin in the back seat and got into the driver’s seat.

The alarm that assaulted the eardrums became somewhat quieter once the car door closed. Woo-jin stepped on the accelerator. His car quickly left the parking lot.

The road was quiet to an unbelievable degree considering the commotion just moments ago. The inside of the car was the same. Woo-jin’s breathing hadn’t even changed. A warning sound chimed softly, urging them to fasten their seatbelts since they weren’t wearing them.

Woo-jin and Hae-won simultaneously pulled and fastened their seatbelts. The car became quiet again. Only Hae-won’s unstable breathing could be heard, like trembling after violent crying.

Woo-jin, who was tightly pursing his lips and staring terrifyingly ahead, was not the previous cold exterior where no temperature could be felt if touched. Anger, showing signs of explosion, was boiling like lava.

While driving, his hand took a water bottle from the dashboard and handed it over. When Hae-won didn’t accept it and just stared, he tossed it onto his lap.

“Rinse your mouth. Gargle and spit.”

“Why.”

“Don’t you know? Hurry up.”

“Who are you to tell me what to do. You’re nothing.”

“Rinse quickly.”

He let go of the steering wheel, took the water bottle, opened the cap, and held it out. When Hae-won didn’t take it, he thrust it against his chest as if throwing it. Hae-won glared at him, took the water bottle, brought it to his mouth, then flinched. He had become so accustomed to him that he was mindlessly following his orders. Hae-won had done as Woo-jin said because he liked him so much. He had acted as Woo-jin wanted.

He poured the water from the bottle over him. Woo-jin’s right upper body, from head to arm, was completely wet, water dripping down.

“You rinse.”

“…….”

Moisture blurred his vision. Woo-jin wiped his face with his hand.

“Don’t even think about getting involved with those bastards you saw back then again. That one’s an idiot, so maybe things went as you intended, but the others aren’t. You could really get hurt.”

“I’ll meet them again. Already promised to meet. What would a guy who looks like he enjoys spreading his legs do? He’ll do what he likes. I’ll do what I like. One by one, I’ll suck them all off. You liked putting it in my mouth too, didn’t you.”

“…….”

“Stop the car. I feel sick even breathing the same air as you.”

“I told you not to call me ‘you’.”

“Then what should I call you? Should I call you hyung? Hey, Mr. Hyun Woo-jin, you and I are over. Told you not to call me ‘you’? Are you mistaken that we’re still seeing each other?”

The voice struggling to be sarcastic trembled pitifully. It contained all sorts of emotions—sorrow, anger, resentment, sadness, and the feeling of one’s backbone collapsing when thinking of Tae-shin.

“If something like this happens next time, I’ll just let it go and leave.”

Woo-jin said. He kept staring ahead, his hardened expression not loosening.

As if he had committed that reckless violence for Hae-won’s sake, he was justifying his own actions.

“Let it go. Like what happened to Tae-shin, I’ll endure it too, whatever. If I can’t stand it, I’ll run away. If I can’t stand it…….”

He was mocking his words, then flinched. He looked back at him. The light from the oncoming vehicle cast over his face, deepening the shadows. Staring bewildered at the sharply revealed profile, Hae-won muttered as if to himself.

“……Was it Tae-shin?”

“…….”

“That forest……, being trapped for three days, losing the way and wandering…… Could it have been Tae-shin?”

“…….”

With his lips tightly sealed, he gave no answer. Hae-won’s chest beat wildly fast. Hae-won thrashed.

No, no. It can’t be. No.

No. No!

“Are you crazy? Are you really crazy?! And you don’t know why he died? Do you really not know?!”

“……Ha, Hae-won.”

“Don’t say my name. It’s disgusting, I don’t want to hear it. Never say my name again! You damn bastard!”

He hit him with his fist. He only hit his shoulder. He only hit the part he had tried to kill with a stone. Each time, Woo-jin’s face contorted, but he didn’t particularly stop Hae-won.

Darker-colored blood began to seep from his shoulder clad in a deep gray jacket, soaking the fabric. Even while seeing his shoulder turning blackish-red, he didn’t stop punching.

Suddenly, the car swerved. Woo-jin’s car, barely staying in the lane, finally stopped on the shoulder.

The trail of blood flowing down his shoulder dripped onto the back of his hand and onto the gear shift with plopping sounds.

“Why did you do it. Why did you do that to Tae-shin?! Why did you do it?!”

“…….”

“Why on earth did you do it! He just liked you, why on earth!”

No matter how much he hit and hit, nothing was resolved. His throat felt like it was burning.

Woo-jin, who caused this pain, and also the dead Tae-shin…… Now he truly hated everything.

He wanted to hastily end his life. Hae-won’s breath, as he mindlessly punched toward him, rose to his chin. The strength in his fiercely hitting hand also weakened, and later he just had to tap, tap, hit him.

“Are you human? You……, Hyun Woo-jin, are you human?”

Grabbing and twisting the hem of the man he had liked, and still loved, so much it drove him crazy, he asked again and again. Blurred by tears, he couldn’t see well.

Woo-jin, who had been silently enduring Hae-won’s violent outburst, opened his mouth.

“I’m not human.”

“Why on earth did you do it! Why on earth?!”

“He seemed usable. Needed for work. That’s all.”

He hadn’t treated him carelessly. He had invested time and effort, and applied himself. Woo-jin didn’t consider himself to have wronged Tae-shin. But Hae-won’s figure, throwing his whole body at him, was pointing out that Woo-jin was guilty.

He just watched Hae-won, who was unleashing violence on him with emotionless, mineral-like eyes, from a confused standpoint.

“Do you think that’s an excuse?”

“I…… am abnormal.”

“……What?”

“I still don’t know what’s wrong with that!”

Stories that were merely conceptual without material basis—he felt interrogated about things Woo-jin had struggled to understand throughout his life.

No matter how much he searched, no answer came. No matter how hard he tried to solve it, it didn’t unravel. Feeling stifled to death, feeling like he’d go crazy, Woo-jin shouted.

Woo-jin deliberately stared only ahead, not turning a shred of his gaze toward Hae-won. If he took Hae-won into his eyes, he felt he might do something. He was afraid of himself losing self-control.

Having decisively and coldly severed his interest and gaze toward Hae-won, he applied a tissue to the bleeding back of his hand. The white tissue quickly turned red. Throwing the tissue soaked with blood onto the floor, Woo-jin applied a new tissue to the back of his hand.

Hae-won’s violent breaths kept touching his face.

Woo-jin truly couldn’t understand. He still questioned whether he had provided a cause compelling enough for Tae-shin and Ha-young’s extreme choice.

“Is that incident so significant that it could make someone die so easily? That’s just… just excrement.”

Unable to comprehend it at all, Woo-jin muttered as if to himself.

Then, smack—with a sharp sound, Woo-jin’s head jerked sideways. A vivid handprint remained on his cheek. Hae-won’s hand, which had struck his cheek, was trembling violently in the air.

“Was what you did with me also excrement?”

“……”

His cheek burned. The pain from the cheek slapped by Hae-won’s palm hurt more than his shoulder, where the flesh was torn.

“Still don’t get it? It’s because you’re like this.”

“……”

He kept saying things Woo-jin could never understand even if he lived a lifetime. He would never understand their feelings, even if given an eternity.

Woo-jin also wanted to understand why Hae-won was so angry, why he was looking at him with such despairing eyes. He wanted to understand, and if it was his fault, he wanted to apologize. If it could end with an apology, he wanted to end it that way.

And he wanted to hold Hae-won’s hand again. He wanted to grab Hae-won’s cheek and kiss him. He wanted to live together in the same house again, to fall asleep and wake up in the same bed. He wanted to restore that trivial daily life.

“It’s because the person I love madly is like this…”

“……”

“It’s because I loved someone like you too much, because it was too painful, because I couldn’t bear loving you too much—not because of what happened to me—that I died!”

Because I’m like this, because loving someone like me is painful, because I loved too much…

A vague thought occurred to him. It wasn’t an extreme emotion that would make him take his own life, but perhaps the uncontrollable impulse that distorted his vision and overwhelmed him the moment he saw Hae-won sitting on Seok-jung’s lap was similar.

Perhaps… maybe it was something like that.

“He died because he loved me too much?”

“……”

“Then why aren’t you dead?”

He asked, looking at Hae-won, whose tears were falling plop plop down his cheeks. Hae-won bit his lip with his white teeth. He bit down so hard it seemed he would tear the flesh. He clenched it tightly, refusing to let any surging emotion escape his mouth.

“Didn’t you love me?”

Woo-jin’s misguided question, completely missing the context, and his persistently staring, furrowed brow seemed to ask Hae-won over and over: Do you love me? If you loved me so much, shouldn’t you die too?

Hae-won wiped his blurry eyes with the back of his hand. He spoke in a subdued voice.

“I plan to die after killing you. After ruining your life, I’ll die. So keep your eyes wide open and watch how your life gets ruined.”

Woo-jin was silent. Blood dripped drip drip from his hand, and he stared blankly at Hae-won, lost in his own thoughts for a long time. Woo-jin, who had only been looking at Hae-won, slowly opened his mouth.

“…Then you do love me?”

“……”

“You love me, right?”

“……”

“Because I’m abnormal, because I’m a monster, you can’t love me now?”

The person who had nearly killed someone earlier, smashed his car, and before that, tried to set a fire to burn everything away, now clung to a worthless question no one cared about and asked.

For a moment, Woo-jin’s eyes looked like those of a child abandoned by his mother.

“You love me… right?”

“Do you know what love is?”

Hae-won asked. Woo-jin didn’t answer.

“Do you even know what love is?”

“I don’t know.”

He didn’t know. He would never know. Hae-won was asking about things he couldn’t know. Interrogating him about things he couldn’t answer.

“If you don’t even know what it is, why ask? What does it matter?”

The car, which had been stopped on the shoulder, sped forward again. Hae-won didn’t ask where they were going.

After driving for a while, they arrived at Hae-won’s family home.

Woo-jin had brought Hae-won to his father’s house, not the officetel. It felt like an implicit message not to go to the officetel.

Hae-won hurriedly got out without even looking back at him.

Woo-jin, who had followed him out, retrieved the violin from the back seat and handed it over. Hae-won almost snatched it from his hand. Woo-jin watched him, clutching the violin as if someone might steal it, pressing the doorbell repeatedly, and then spoke.

“I’m not in my right mind right now.”

“You were never in your right mind to begin with.”

“Even more so now.”

Hae-won stopped pressing the bell and looked at him. Behind Woo-jin, standing quietly in the darkness, a thick shadow fell, making him look almost like a ghost.

“Especially when it comes to you, I’m not in my right mind, so don’t get involved with those bastards and make me do something. It’s already hard enough.”

“Hard? What’s hard? Is it hard because you can’t use me anymore?”

“……”

“You’d like me to keep being fooled like an idiot who knows nothing, right? You selfish bastard. You’ll never understand how I feel. Right now… I really want to kill you, Hyun Woo-jin. I feel like I’m going crazy. You know?”

Facing eyes filled with all kinds of hostility and anger, Woo-jin still gazed at those eyes, fixed solely on him at this moment, with a feeling of sinking endlessly.

“I’ll calmly think about what I did wrong. I still don’t really know.”

“What?”

“I don’t know. From now on, I won’t lie to you. I didn’t know you hated lies this much.”

“Don’t make me into trash too. What you did to Tae-shin… no apology can be forgiven.”

“If I wronged Lee Tae-shin, that’s something I should apologize to Lee Tae-shin for. Are you him?”

“…What?”

“Why are you so angry when you’re not even the person involved?”

Knowing Woo-jin was speaking sincerely made Hae-won feel even more like he was going insane.

“He was my friend.”

“…Friend?”

“……”

Woo-jin had a puzzled look in his eyes. It seemed the definition of ‘friend’ in his mind was not what Hae-won had shown to Tae-shin.

“So that’s why you threw away the diary without even looking? Tell me, what was written in it?”

He was provoking Hae-won’s guilt toward Tae-shin. As if saying you’re also the same kind of perpetrator. Maybe this was the punishment for it.

Woo-jin was suffering without knowing what he had done or what he had done wrong, while Hae-won was suffering because he knew all too well what the person he loved had done. This was the punishment for taking Tae-shin’s death lightly and for loving Woo-jin.

“Lee Tae-shin knew we would meet like this.”

“……”

“He also knew I would approach you in some way. That’s why he sent that to you. You left it without even looking at it.”

“……”

“He wrote that I’m the kind of person who would sell out even my parents if it served my purpose. That I can’t love anyone, that I don’t love. That I’m a snake with no emotions, incapable of feeling anything. That’s why my fiancée died. That’s why he said he would die too.”

“……”

“Seeing how disgusted you are, it seems Lee Tae-shin’s assessment of me was correct.”

True to his vow to be honest from now on, Woo-jin spoke without holding back. Even knowing Hae-won couldn’t bear that truth, he continued.

“He told you to run away from me, not to love me. That was Lee Tae-shin’s last words to you. And I got rid of it as soon as I saw it. I was worried you might really run away if those nonsense words were true.”

“Don’t lie.”

Hae-won muttered blankly, as if in a daze.

“Blame both deaths on me. If that’s such an important issue. I don’t really care anyway.”

“……”

“Now that you know…”

“……”

“Do as Lee Tae-shin said. Run away from me.”

With those final words, Woo-jin turned to leave. Hae-won, who had been pressing against the wall next to the doorbell as if pressing it, let go of his hand and slowly sank to the floor as if collapsing.

∞ ∞ ∞

When Woo-jin opened the door and entered the Prosecutor’s Office, the administrative officer who had been waiting for him stood up from his seat. Chief Hwang also rose from his seat, greeted him, and gestured with his eyes toward somewhere.

It was Attorney Choi, who had previously offered Woo-jin a job transfer. Dressed in a clean, high-end custom-made suit, he spotted Woo-jin, rose from the waiting chair, and greeted him warmly.

“Hello, prosecutor. It’s been a long time.”

“Yes, hello. Chief, regarding the witness investigation postponed the day before yesterday, let’s do it this morning if possible. I heard that person came up to Seoul, so he should be around here, right?”

Woo-jin gave a perfunctory greeting to Attorney Choi and turned his head to speak to Chief Hwang. Chief Hwang, who had walked over from behind the desk, subtly grabbed Woo-jin’s arm and pulled him to a corner. He spoke in a low voice so the attorney wouldn’t hear.

“Prosecutor…”

“We can do it today, right?”

“Prosecutor, you’ve been sued.”

“Let’s start the witness investigation first, so call him to come as soon as possible.”

Showing no interest in Chief Hwang’s words, spoken with a devastated expression, Woo-jin patted his arm as if urging him to hurry and make the call, then moved toward his private office. And he said to Attorney Choi.

“Please come inside.”

As Attorney Choi entered the office, he tried to close the door. Woo-jin gestured for him to leave it open. The attorney left the door half-open and approached him. Then, he fumbled in his bag, took out some documents, and held them out.

“You met with President Lee Seok-jung at J Hotel last night, right?”

“We know each other.”

“Even better. For assault causing injury, property damage, etc., President Lee Seok-jung of K-One Construction has appointed our law firm as his representative and filed a complaint against you. Here are the complaint and evidence documents.”

“Leave them there.”

Woo-jin told him to put them on the desk and picked up the handset, tucking it between his shoulder and face. He dialed an internal number.

“Is Prosecutor Jung not at his desk? This is Hyun Woo-jin. He’s not answering his phone. Please have him contact me as soon as he arrives. Yes.”

Every time Attorney Choi, brimming with confidence and poised to say something triumphant, opened his mouth, Woo-jin frowned at him to wait and finished his own business.

Woo-jin put down the handset and unfolded the complaint placed on his desk. He asked nonchalantly.

“President Lee Seok-jung, which hospital is he admitted to?”

“Myeongin General Hospital.”

“Where is he injured?”

“He’s injured in many places, I heard. Photos taken inside the hotel restaurant are also attached. We’ve secured testimonies as well. The scene was quite gruesome.”

Attorney Choi replied with a confident voice and a seasoned gleam in his eyes.

Woo-jin, who had been skimming through the documents, spoke toward Chief Hwang, who was eavesdropping outside the open door.

“Chief, send someone to the hospital now to secure all CCTV footage from the moment President Lee Seok-jung entered the hospital last night—parking lot, elevator, hallway, examination room, hospital room. And if they issue a false medical certificate, inform the hospital about how the doctor’s life will be ruined. Myeongin, you said?”

“Huh? Yes.”

When the attorney answered reflexively, Woo-jin made a call on his phone to somewhere.

“It’s me, Mother. I think President Lee Seok-jung of K-One Construction was admitted to your hospital last night. Please identify the doctor who issued the medical certificate and detain him so he can’t go anywhere. Someone from the Prosecutor’s Office will be coming now. You’ll need to hand over the CCTV data as well. Just a little incident happened. Don’t tell the director—no, don’t tell Father. It’s nothing serious. Yes.”

He hung up. Woo-jin took off his jacket, hung it on a long hanger, and turned around.

“My father is the director of that hospital, so I’d rather not cause a commotion.”

“…Ah, yes.”

Attorney Choi answered without making eye contact with Woo-jin, who was staring intently.

“I tried not to escalate things, but since he went through the trouble of filing a complaint, there’s no choice. I’ll file a complaint too.”

As Woo-jin loosened his tie and began popping open his shirt buttons one by one, the attorney flinched and took a step back. Outside, Chief Hwang said he’d be right back and hurried out. At the sound of someone rushing out, the attorney’s brow furrowed.

Woo-jin finished unbuttoning his shirt and took it off. His shoulder, covered in dark bruises and vivid blood clots, was revealed.

The administrative officer, who had been bringing coffee, saw Woo-jin’s shoulder, let out a high-pitched scream, and dropped the coffee in his hand onto the floor. The smell of brewed coffee spread thickly around.

Attorney Choi, pale and shocked, stared wide-eyed at the shoulder bearing the vicious wounds in horror.

“I was in this state and was too busy to even think about filing a complaint. I need to get a medical certificate too and write a complaint, so let’s both sort out our positions and re-file by tomorrow. I’ll handle it promptly.”

“First, I’ll discuss it with the president again, and after that…”

“You handle that as you see fit. And you’re aware that President Lee Seok-jung bribed Prosecutor General Lee Dae-young of the Seoul High Prosecutor’s Office to get the illegal trading case for K-One Securities’ stake investment dismissed, right? Was it the 23rd training class? Asking for a dismissal of a multi-trillion won case while giving a few billion… isn’t that too petty? I don’t understand why his capacity is only that much.”

“I’ll be going now.”

“Handle that there too. Seeing attorneys upsets my stomach, and I don’t want to repeat the same story to multiple people.”

“I’m sorry. My apologies.”

Grabbing the documents he had placed on the bookshelf as if hastily collecting them, Attorney Choi hurriedly fled.

Woo-jin put his shirt back on. The administrative officer, who had brought a mop, wiped the brown liquid soaking the floor and said.

“Prosecutor, you know how to put on a performance like that too?”

“Your scream was the highlight.”

“That was my scream. Good thing Chief Hwang contacted you in advance.”

“I was planning to proceed with the investigation anyway. I promised to annihilate anyone who lays a hand on them.”

“Huh?”

“It’s nothing. Let’s finish all investigations by this morning.”

Touching the members of the bunker now is an irrational act. Especially with the High Prosecutor General involved.

It was a plan he had prepared over a long time. Even knowing it was being disrupted because of Hae-won, he couldn’t stop it. Anyone other than him laying a hand on Hae-won was unacceptable, even if it meant the future plan was ruined. It was absolutely intolerable.

∞ ∞ ∞

Avoiding the barrage of questions from his father and stepmother asking what had happened, Hae-won stayed holed up at his family home for several days.

Thinking of Tae-shin, thinking of the last words he was said to have left, thinking of Woo-jin delivering those words with a calm face, he lay in bed motionless as if falling into an endless abyss.

He said to run away.

Tae-shin had called right before he jumped.

Telling him not to meet him, not to love him, to run away.

Could anything be more fitting?

Woo-jin was the kind of person who would sell out even his parents if it served his purpose. No, he was the kind of person who would sell out even himself.

He was a man who loved no one, and if you fell in love with him, you would be captivated body and soul, eventually losing even the purpose to live this life.

He called himself a snake that eats human flesh. His face wasn’t self-deprecating but hostile and cold.

Whether it was an act or manipulation, to Hae-won, he had been so affectionate.

He had held the violin for him, brewed coffee, prepared breakfast, and when Hae-won said he was in pain, he would massage his neck and shoulders. Above all, he knew what Hae-won disliked and didn’t hold him carelessly. There were times it hurt, but he tried his best to suppress his surging desire. The memory of his hands touching him so preciously came back vividly, tightening his chest.

No, that can’t be. He’s not that kind of person.

Hae-won changed his definition of Woo-jin twelve times a day. He’s really not that kind of person, yet he is that kind of person.

He hated and disliked him, but a resistance stronger than that hatred was stretching toward Woo-jin. Hae-won wanted to see him madly, hold him madly, kill him madly.

He forced himself to eat under his stepmother’s nagging.

Hae-jeong, who saw Hae-won on TV, said she wanted to become a violinist too, took out the dusty quarter-sized violin he used as a child, and made grating, unpleasant noises. Thanks to that, Hae-won could avoid thinking of both Woo-jin and Tae-shin for a while.

Spending time like that, Hae-won returned to the officetel to escape his stepmother and father, who persistently asked what was wrong.

The officetel had been changed back to its state before moving to the penthouse Woo-jin had prepared.

Everything had been restored exactly as it was. The bed Hae-won liked, the audio system, the sofa, the soundproofing, even the sheet music—all had been returned.

Hae-won couldn’t sleep in that bed. It was the bed he had slept in with Woo-jin. He laid a mattress topper on the floor and slept on that instead.

And for days, he kept having the same dream. A dream of Tae-shin fleeing from Woo-jin, his feet scraped raw, his whole body wounded, wandering through a dark forest.

In the dream, Hae-won became Tae-shin, lost in the fog. Bare, piercing tree branches turned into blades, shredding not just his flesh and bones, but his heart as well.

When he woke from sleep, Hae-won couldn’t move for a while. He lay there blankly, choking back tears.

On mornings after the terrible dreams, he found Woo-jin even more unforgivable, and any reason to forgive him vanished.

The uncomfortable mattress topper, which felt like he hadn’t slept at all, stoked his insomnia to the point where he could feel sharp pain in his joints and muscles, but Hae-won wouldn’t lie on the bed. It still smelled of Woo-jin. He avoided anything that retained Woo-jin’s scent.

No calls came from Woo-jin, but Jae-min and his manager called persistently. Hae-won didn’t answer anyone’s calls. He lay collapsed by the window on the mattress topper until Jae-min used equipment to open the officetel door and came in.

Seeing him like that, Jae-min started commuting to Hae-won’s officetel to take care of him directly. Only then did Hae-won stir and barely manage to move.

Jae-min, who had been intently reading a newspaper article he wouldn’t normally glance at, let out a deep sigh and tossed the newspaper onto the table with a thud.

“Is something wrong?”

Hae-won asked, flipping through sheet music.

“We might have to produce the album somewhere else. That guy got arrested.”

“Who?”

“That K-One Construction President. Aren’t you acquainted with him?”

“He was arrested?”

“He tried to get a prosecutor to suspend an indictment by offering a bribe, something about converting to a securities company, and got caught, it seems. Wasn’t this guy a construction company CEO? What does he have to do with a securities company?”

Jae-min was equally ignorant about such matters. He started to explain something while picking up the newspaper article again but gave up.

“Is album production expensive? I’ll talk to Father about it.”

It was Hae-won who had stubbornly insisted on entrusting the production to K-One Construction’s President Lee Seok-joong. Having already turned down the investors he had contacted, finding a new source of investment wasn’t easy. Moreover, Kim Jae-min was a composer and music producer, not a businessman.

“There’s a record company that showed interest before, so I’ll contact them slowly. Don’t worry about things like that.”

“Then I won’t worry.”

“Good.”

His tone was meant not to burden him. Hae-won shifted all the problems he couldn’t solve onto Jae-min and turned his attention back to the sheet music. He was playing half-heartedly, pretending to practice.

Sitting on the sofa, cradling the back of his head with both hands, Jae-min stared intently at Hae-won and cautiously opened his mouth.

“That man who called me, is he the same man I saw in front of this officetel before? The one you lied to me about, saying you had moved?”

“What about that man? Did he call you, Director?”

Hae-won looked at him, startled.

“It’s not just a day or two that you’ve been ignoring calls, but I can’t just force the door open because you’re not answering. Actually, I got a call from some man. I think it was that friend. He asked me to check if you were okay. But how on earth did he get my contact info?”

“…….”

His face hardening, Hae-won lowered his gaze. There was a separate reason why Woo-jin had dropped Hae-won off at his family home, not the officetel, that day. It was a message to not be alone if possible.

Even without Woo-jin there, Hae-won could feel his gaze watching him. Since he wasn’t moving from the officetel, Woo-jin had called Jae-min. Unable to bear anyone touching him or even looking at him, Woo-jin had called Jae-min even though he knew what kind of relationship he had with him. The face of Woo-jin, who had urged him to rinse his mouth that had sucked Seok-jung’s finger, even in that state, came to mind.

He persistently asked if loving him was right.

He asked if it was because he was a monster that he could no longer be loved.

At that time, Woo-jin had the eyes of a wounded child.

After doing such things to Tae-shin, after inflicting such wounds on him, he was acting affectionate. The affection of a man who was said to be no different from a snake was like a curse upon life. It was medicine applied after ample torture and beating.

If he hanged himself and died here, how would Woo-jin react?

Hae-won kept imagining Woo-jin embracing his dead body and weeping. Perhaps that was why they had chosen death too. To wound Woo-jin. To make him regret. That might have been why.

It was a foolish judgment.

Woo-jin was not a man who would weep for him, or for them. He was a man who would take down the body, dress it neatly, calmly follow the post-mortem procedures without shedding a single tear, and handle the entire funeral.

Hae-won flinched.

“Anyway, it’s that guy, right?”

“We broke up.”

“He didn’t seem like the type to let go.”

“It’s over. We broke up, that’s why you’re here, Director. If not, he would have wiped out your entire clan.”

“Wipe out what?”

“That’s what they say among themselves. That they’ll wipe out the entire clan.”

“Wipe out the entire clan? What are you talking about?”

The black-haired American didn’t even half-understand Hae-won’s words.

Hae-won gave up explaining. The fact that Seok-jung was arrested might be for the same reason. Because he bothered him, because he laid hands on him. He said he wouldn’t leave alone anyone who laid a hand on him.

Hae-won recalled the people at the Yangpyeong villa that Woo-jin had told him not to get involved with. No one particularly bowed their head or catered to the whims of Lee Seok-joong, a third-generation chaebol heir. It was a relationship without defined hierarchy or rank.

They must be people as formidable as, or on a similar level to, a third-generation chaebol heir. People with wealth and power were gathered in a basement, engaging in filthy, depraved acts, merely licking at pleasure.

He had openly set himself in opposition to such a Seok-joong. Moreover, Woo-jin had tried to burn that place down. He had endangered their lives. If Seok-joong knew, the others knew too.

No matter how capable Woo-jin was, dealing with a third-generation chaebol heir, and simultaneously dealing with others who possessed power and wealth not much different from his, wouldn’t be as easy as saying it. It was clear his position had become quite precarious.

Having played with drugs and alcohol, exposing their shame and dirty secrets, he must have overheard a lot. Woo-jin must have been collecting their weaknesses, keeping them close to observe them.

And when he felt like it, he probably brought someone in to play with.

“…….”

Every time he recalled what Tae-shin had endured there, the area around his heart ached. His hands trembled with the urge to chase after Woo-jin right then and plunge a knife into his chest. Imagining Woo-jin in an orgy made him feel suffocated. He didn’t even want to think about it. With that filthy body, with those filthy hands, he had touched him. While doing such dirty things, he had the nerve to talk about having principles, saying he only took his clothes off in front of him. And then still asked, almost pleading, if loving him was right.

Anger surged, making it impossible to even sit still. Hae-won went into the bathroom, took off his clothes, and washed his body frantically. The fact that he had treated him no differently from those people was even more unbearable. He wanted to spit in Woo-jin’s face.

After scrubbing and wiping with a bath towel until his skin turned red, washing like a madman, he came out with a weary body and had no will to practice or do anything. Wearing a shower robe, Hae-won collapsed onto the mattress topper.

“Why sleep on the floor when you have a bed?”

Jae-min asked while tidying up the mess Hae-won had made.

“It’s disgusting, it’s dirty.”

“Then change the bed.”

“It’s so dirty I feel like I’m going crazy.”

He muttered in a voice too low for Jae-min to hear. As Jae-min lifted and straightened the bedding, he asked.

“Should I call someone to clean it?”

“……Just leave it.”

Hae-won told him not to touch anything and closed his eyes. His body, feeling a chill, began to shiver.

Feeling as if Woo-jin was watching him just like before, Hae-won took a taxi, got off after a few blocks, hurriedly switched to another taxi, rode for a while, got off, and took a bus. He skillfully evaded any possible tail, deliberately taking a roundabout route so no one could follow.

Hae-won hesitated for a moment in front of the prison. He had only heard that prisons existed somewhere in this country, had never actually seen one, and had no reason to visit. It was a place he thought he would have no connection with in his entire life.

He applied for a visit. Waiting his turn, he sat in the waiting room and looked around at the people who had come to meet offenders. They were people coming to see convicted criminals, but their faces showed no shame or disgrace. Instead, there was only pity and longing.

Would he ever see Woo-jin like that someday? Would a moment come when Woo-jin could be forgiven?

When he was with him, he said he couldn’t control his sexual desires. He had taken Hae-won into the newlywed home his dead fiancée had prepared. He was nothing more or less than a role to warm his bed. From the beginning, he had made him that way so he could faithfully fulfill his role as someone who looked like he enjoyed spreading his legs for a man.

Nothing was as painful as recalling the lovemaking in Jeju Island. Even without deliberately thinking of Tae-shin, Hae-won felt his hatred for him and his self-loathing surge anew every hour. If he sat still, his mind would be completely filled with thoughts of that man, making him nauseous.

The waiting number decreased, and his visitation turn approached. Hae-won entered the area guided by the staff. It was a booth too humble to even call a small room, with a glass partition blocking the middle and two chairs placed on either side.

After sitting and waiting a bit, the figure of Choi Seung-cheol appeared, wearing the blue-gray prisoner uniform signifying a convicted inmate. Seeing Hae-won, he paused, then approached and sat down without any particular sign of being glad or surprised.

“Long time no see.”

“Yes.”

“Have you been well?”

“That doesn’t seem like something you should ask me.”

“Ah……, is that so?”

He smiled awkwardly, running his hand through his shortened hair. Prison life didn’t seem as harsh as the rumors he’d heard. They say the law prioritizes the rights of perpetrators over victims; it seems the rights of the accused have improved with the times too.

Only his hair was shorter; his appearance and physique were almost the same. Rather, his skin looked cleaner than before, and his expression was gentle.

“I saw you on TV. Congratulations.”

“Congratulations for what?”

“Hmm……, being on TV? Being promoted to first violin? Getting to play solos instead of concertmaster? You were good.”

“Do you know why you went to prison, Seonbae?”

“…….”

A look of puzzlement appeared on his face, which seemed to know his own situation—having become a lawbreaker by taking bribes—better than anyone and to be reflecting on it.

“Aren’t you curious who made it happen?”

“Probably my own self, who desired beyond my abilities. Living costs more money than you think.”

Seung-cheol trailed off, offering a philosophical excuse to Hae-won, who wouldn’t appreciate it now.

“Prosecutor Hyun Woo-jin made it happen.”

He hadn’t come to chat idly or reminisce. Hae-won bluntly mentioned Woo-jin’s name. Seung-cheol blinked, not grasping it at all, as if he had heard a completely unrelated name.

“I said Prosecutor Hyun Woo-jin made it happen. The one who investigated behind your back, had you arrested, and put you in prison is Prosecutor Hyun Woo-jin.”

“……That Hyun Woo-jin who was engaged to the daughter of Han-gyeong Group? The Central District Prosecutors’ Office prosecutor?”

“Right, that man.”

“I don’t even remember talking to that person……, why would he—”

“You slept with me, Seonbae.”

“…….”

With a look of displeasure, as if Hae-won was saying things that made no sense, Seung-cheol adjusted his sitting posture. His gentle eyes, which had acknowledged and reflected on his own crime that landed him in prison, wavered.

“Hyun Woo-jin likes me.”

“…….”

“He found out you slept with me and deliberately made it happen. That man hates it terribly when someone touches what’s his.”

“What did you say?”

As if he couldn’t believe it, he rose awkwardly from his chair, about to confront Hae-won, but conscious of the guard sitting behind him, he lowered himself back down. His fist was already clenched tight.

“Hyun Woo-jin did that?”

Wondering if there was something between Hae-won and Woo-jin that made his words not just baseless nonsense, Seung-cheol asked in a voice barely suppressing anger.

“That man said it himself, that he was the one who caught you. He said you took money from parents for favors……, he asked why I spread my legs for such a trivial bastard.”

Swallowing the rising humiliation, Seung-cheol distorted his expression to control his emotions, then changed it back to normal, but his still-clenched fist couldn’t stop trembling.

“May I ask what your intention is in saying such things now?”

He asked politely, without losing his composure.

“I……, like Hyun Woo-jin too. No, I love him.”

“…….”

“So I want to ruin that bastard.”

“……”

“But I don’t know how, so I came to you, Seonbae.”

Hae-won took documents out of his bag. He opened a random page and brought it to the glass wall separating them. Seung-cheol pulled his chair closer and read the document through the glass. It was a ledger meticulously detailing who gave money to whom, though he didn’t know exactly what it was about.

“It’s a bribery ledger. Where did you get it?”

“Woo-jin Hyung, no, that bastard had it. When I did something in his study, he would always take out a completely unrelated book and put it down, and the place he put the book was fixed. It was strange, so I took it out, and the inside was hollow and this was inside.”

“……You lived together?”

“Now’s not the time for that talk. The important thing is it seems to be correct, but I don’t know how to use it.”

“Turn one more page for me.”

Seung-cheol had tried hard to get close to people in power. He knew a lot of their gossip too. It was Senior Choi who had first chattered this and that about Woo-jin, badmouthing him.

He turned the page. Hae-won held it up so Seung-cheol could read the contents clearly.

“……Kang Se-yong? Is this talking about the current Blue House Chief of Staff? This is huge.”

As he checked the names written and the contents of the ledger, he asked for another page to be turned. After checking only the conspicuous amounts, Seung-cheol pulled his face back from the glass wall and sat down. Hae-won put down the documents he was holding.

“It looks like a ledger of people Han-gyeong Group bribed. Probably something President Kim Jeong-geun had.”

“…….”

“No matter how capable Hyun Woo-jin is, there’s no way Kim Jeong-geun would entrust something like this to him, a prosecutor. He had plenty of time before his arrest, so he would have used it somehow or disposed of it before then. It’s not a regular case; it was handled by a special investigation. They wouldn’t have just left it without pressuring the Chief of Staff. I already thought it was strange that Kim Jeong-geun got seven years. It makes sense if President Kim Jeong-geun’s case was also something Woo-jin Hyung orchestrated.”

“……You’re saying the one who sent President Kim Jeong-geun to prison is Woo-jin Hyung?”

“Yeah, Woo-jin Hyung.”

Seung-cheol said sarcastically, but Hae-won had no time to mind that.

“I happened to meet Seo Okhwa, and she said President Kim Jeong-geun’s stock voting rights were transferred to Woo-jin Hyung. She said the strategic office is managed by Woo-jin Hyung, no, that bastard.”

“I thought he wasn’t an ordinary bastard, sticking by his side for five years even after his fiancée died, buttering him up……. So he’s been devouring Han-gyeong and even got his hands on a secret ledger.”

Hae-won also knew he wasn’t a man to wait around optimistically for chance. He had been carefully choosing his sacrificial lamb, waiting for the right timing to smash them, hiding and crouching in the bushes for five years.

Woo-jin had taken Hae-won to Bangkok then. When Kim Jeong-geun was summoned by the prosecution and couldn’t even open his eyes from the camera flashes exploding, Hae-won was watching on TV, and Woo-jin had firmly told him to stop paying attention.

Even when he was doing that with him in bed, Woo-jin’s mind was completely filled with someone’s thorough downfall and vile plans. He had never been sincere for a single moment.

“I don’t know how to use this.”

“……Hmm.”

Seung-cheol stroked his chin, where stubble was sprouting, lost in thought.

“You’d have a hard time visiting President Kim Jeong-geun in detention, and you can’t meet the Chief of Staff either……. It’s difficult.”

“Don’t forget that Prosecutor Hyun Woo-jin is also the one who made you like this, Seonbae.”

“Well, for me, it’s not because I slept with you and ended up here—it’s because of my own mistake, so I’m not so resentful that I want to kill Hyun Woo-jin.”

“……”

“So, you two slept together, huh.”

The corners of his eyes, imagining something, curved slightly as he stared intently at Hae-won’s face.

“Don’t talk about that and think of a way to use this instead.”

“You said you love him. If you love him, why are you doing this? Tell me the reason. The reason you want to ruin that bastard.”

As if indulging in trivial gossip out of boredom, he asked. Visiting hours were almost over. Hae-won looked at the shabby man beyond the glass wall with contemptuous eyes.

“That bastard played with me.”

“……You really like him. That’s why you’re even angrier.”

“Right. I’m going crazy because of Hyun Woo-jin, so just tell me how to screw him over.”

“Give it to Seo Okhwa.”

“……”

“Showing it to Seo Okhwa will be the fastest.”

So that was an option. Hae-won nodded in agreement. The boiling anger subsided, and Hae-won’s eyes also fell desolately. Separated by the glass wall, Seung-cheol stared piercingly at Hae-won.

“Time is almost up.”

The guard hinted that the visit should end now.

“Can you come again next week? We only get four visits a month.”

Despite wearing the shabby inmate uniform, his neat appearance remained as he asked, unable to hide his anxious tone.

“Hyun Woo-jin is watching me, so I might not be able to come.”

“Be careful. I don’t know why, but that ledger is extremely important to Hyun Woo-jin. He won’t just let you keep it. Show it to Seo Okhwa and let her know what Prosecutor Hyun Woo-jin is up to. That’s the fastest way.”

“I’ll do that.”

“The visit is over.”

Seung-cheol stood up with a reluctant expression, turned around under the guard’s guidance, and hesitated, looking back as he was about to leave. The guard grabbed his arm and pulled him away.

After he disappeared beyond the door, Hae-won was left alone, staring blankly at the now-empty space beyond the glass wall.

∞ ∞ ∞

The album production company was decided again, and recording proceeded. The management company Jae-min introduced to Hae-won was a specialized cultural arts agency, with many pianists, violinists, famous performers who had won various concours, composers, and emerging musicians like Hae-won affiliated with it.

They didn’t demand an unreasonable schedule and mostly transferred decision-making authority to Hae-won, letting him choose. It was comfortable to work with them.

As he intended, quite a few people began to recognize him as the genuine violinist Moon Hae-won, not misunderstanding him as a celebrity.

Hae-won worked hard appearing on broadcasts while waiting for Seo Okhwa’s return to the country. He made himself visible so that if anything happened to him, the world would know.

He participated in gala concerts, gave interviews, and took photos for a special feature in a classical music magazine. He deliberately chose things Woo-jin would hate. A solo concert for six hundred seats was also scheduled.

He deliberately acted brightly. He met many people, always ate dinner outside, drank alcohol, and pretended to be close with people he wasn’t, laughing exaggeratedly.

Though he was nowhere to be seen, Hae-won could feel with his entire body that Woo-jin was watching him.

“Congratulations. The concert sold out as soon as ticket sales opened. They say it’s an unprecedented record for a violin solo performance.”

“It’s not that many seats. It’s not a concert hall but a recital hall.”

“Six hundred seats isn’t many? There probably hasn’t been a case where a violin recital sold out there.”

“There probably hasn’t been a case where a violinist with as little experience as me sold it out.”

Refusing the manager’s offer to carry his violin, Hae-won slung it over his shoulder and replied. The manager, sensing Hae-won’s consistently lukewarm reactions no matter what he said, only smiled awkwardly.

His steps slowed as he walked from the elevator toward the officetel door. The manager walking ahead turned back. Hae-won was looking at Woo-jin standing in front of the door.

“Didn’t you say you know him?”

“……Go ahead. I have a lesson tomorrow, so I need to go to school.”

“Then when will you start practicing for the concert? You said you need to arrange for a pianist.”

“Schedule it for this Friday. I’ll rest over the weekend.”

“I’ll let the general manager know. Go inside. Call if you need anything.”

The manager bowed lightly and left. Hae-won walked toward the officetel door.

“If you don’t want to see me like this, hand over the ledger.”

“I don’t have it.”

“You know Choi Seung-cheol, right?”

As soon as Seung-cheol Seonbae’s name came from Woo-jin’s mouth, Hae-won let out an incredulous laugh. As if he’d expected it, he glared at Woo-jin with fierce eyes.

He had indeed been watching him. What he felt at the performance venue wasn’t the gaze of the public but the chilling, razor-like sensation unique to this man grazing his skin.

“Aren’t you tired of following me around twenty-four hours a day? Do you have nothing better to do?”

Even at the sarcastic remark, Woo-jin showed no expression as he spoke. As if telling him not to even dream of such audacity.

“That person’s lawyer contacted me. Said he had something very important to say. I don’t have time to chase after you too.”

“……”

Woo-jin was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. Hae-won resisted the gaze looking down at him.

“He said you have the ledger, that he’d get it from you and asked for a special pardon to get out. Said he’d get it no matter what.”

“……”

Hae-won bit his lip.

That idiot bastard……

A filthy curse erupted spontaneously in his mouth. He hadn’t trusted him, but after being treated like that, crawling like a dog to Hyun Woo-jin—it wasn’t Woo-jin who was abnormal, but Seung-cheol.

Woo-jin, looking down at Hae-won standing dumbfounded, chewing his lips in frustration, continued.

“I don’t know if it’s accurate to call me abnormal, but that idiot really gets on my nerves. It’s a bit absurd that you sat face-to-face with such a guy, plotting to destroy me. Of course, I’ve always known your level wasn’t that high. The habit of spreading your legs for anyone who buys you bread—that hasn’t gone anywhere.”

“……”

“No matter what fuss you make, you can’t hurt me at all. It doesn’t even tickle.”

“Seonbae said to take it to Seo Okhwa with that, didn’t he mention that?”

He couldn’t stand how insignificant he felt in Woo-jin’s presence. Hae-won thought he should start carrying a knife hidden in his sleeve. He needed to stab him unexpectedly, leave a wound. Otherwise, there was no way. No matter how he squirmed, he couldn’t even tickle him, let alone hurt him.

Even after bringing up Seo Okhwa’s name, Woo-jin’s poker face didn’t change. It wasn’t that he deliberately showed no emotion—he simply had none from the start.

Not knowing that, Hae-won had thought he was serious. So different from himself, whose mood changed morning and night and who was swept along by it, he had liked his personality.

“Even if you give it to her, she won’t understand a thing. Seo Okhwa, like you, doesn’t properly know anything besides music. And if she sees it, she’ll contact me. Saying she doesn’t know what this is.”

“What about Park Se-yong? I know a few lawyers too. They say everyone knows each other through a few connections, so if I ask any lawyer to look into it, wouldn’t I be able to meet Park Se-yong? If I show just one page to a reporter, wouldn’t Park Se-yong come looking for me?”

“……”

Hae-won wasn’t a fool. The man leaning against the wall straightened up. The shift in weight looked almost like a wild animal stirring in the night, preparing to hunt.

“They said it’s very important. Very, very… extremely important.”

Hae-won whispered, gripping the strap of the violin case slung over his shoulder tightly.

“Don’t waste time, hand it over. I don’t want to come find you either.”

“Stop just demanding it. If you want it, make an effort.”

“……”

“Crawl like a dog and bark. Or kill yourself.”

“……What?”

“Die.”

“……”

“Die. Then I’ll give it to you.”

Hae-won was serious. Woo-jin didn’t react humanly. It was clear he was taking the words as an insult. He spoke calmly.

“Ordinary humans would get angry hearing such words.”

“Angry? You said you have no emotions, that you can’t feel anything. You crazy psychopath.”

“I can feel things.”

“So you’re angry? Angry because of me?”

Wanting to inflict even a small cut, Hae-won asked. Woo-jin looked at Hae-won, desperate to hurt him, and smiled faintly.

“Why would I get angry over something so trivial. I’m abnormal, so hearing such words doesn’t make me angry—it makes me want to sleep with you. I told you before. Being with you makes it hard to hold back my sexual desires.”

“Go roll around in Yangpyeong. Don’t push yourself on me. It’s disgusting.”

They were talking dirty. Hae-won, disgusted and fed up, unlocked the officetel door.

As he tried to just go inside, Woo-jin’s hand grabbed Hae-won’s wrist. His hand touched him. His body heat touched him. Hae-won recoiled and pushed him away. The harder he pushed, the stronger the grip on his wrist became.

“Don’t touch me. Let go!”

“I’ll get rid of that disgusting face. If you hand over the documents, I won’t appear in front of you again.”

“You’re not making any effort, so how can I give it to you!”

“What are you scheming. Even if you have that, it’s no threat to me. Someone like you isn’t worth me lifting a finger, understand?”

“It may not be a threat, but it can bother you. You’re here because it’s on your mind, right? A guy who specializes in digging through people’s homes, why are you waiting so politely outside the door, getting all anxious? Just lift a finger and get rid of it. Kill me too……!”

He held his wrist and wouldn’t let go. Every time he was this stubborn, he had that look in his eyes—the one when he said he wanted to sleep with him, wanted to do something to him. A thick, animalistic gleam overshadowed them, and just facing it made Hae-won’s throat go dry, as if it would crumble like dry tinder if touched.

Hae-won struck Woo-jin’s arm with his fist. He didn’t budge. Despairingly, Hae-won looked up at him.

“You want to see me too.”

“……What?”

“You’re not handing it over because you want to see me.”

“Wh-what nonsense. Don’t talk crazy. You crazy bastard.”

He strained to shake off the large hand gripping his wrist as if looking at something grotesque, his face contorted. His face flushed red. His heart pounded as if suddenly ambushed.

“You know I’ll keep coming like this, so why aren’t you handing it over? If you didn’t want to see my face, you shouldn’t have taken it in the first place.”

“Don’t make me laugh. I… I’m going to make you suffer with that. I’ll give it to Park Se-yong. I’ll call a newspaper reporter and tip them off.”

The breaths of Hae-won trying to break free and Woo-jin holding on grew ragged together.

“My name isn’t in there. Even if a reporter exposes it, the ones hurt won’t be me but Kim Jeong-geun and the people listed. It’s necessary for work, but it doesn’t really matter whether it exists or not.”

“If it doesn’t matter, why are you here? If you don’t care whether I burn it or throw it away, that should be it.”

“……You keep appearing on broadcasts, flaunting yourself, getting on my nerves—how can I not care? You’re visible.”

“……”

“You keep appearing—how can I not care?”

“We’re over.”

If Woo-jin understood the concept of pride, this was a disgusting tone that crushed that pride into the ground. To Woo-jin, who just stared without retorting, Hae-won spoke as if mocking him for being abnormal.

“We’re really over. Don’t you get it yet?”

“……”

“Don’t you understand? If you don’t understand, please at least pretend to understand!”

For a moment, Woo-jin’s eyes trembled. He had no emotions, couldn’t feel emotions, couldn’t empathize, yet his eyes looked sad. Unable to handle or manage the surging sadness, Woo-jin’s breathing became chaotically disordered.

The hand gripping him tightly was hot. Shaking Hae-won’s arm, who wasn’t looking at him, he forced him to look and said,

“Let’s say I killed both. Tell me how to do it. If you tell me to go to the grave and apologize, I will. Go and kill them and say I’m sorry, right?”

“Talk sense. Don’t pretend to reflect when you don’t even know what sorry means! Is that reflection, just flapping your lips?”

“What is reflecting, then. If you tell me how to reflect, I’ll do it. I’ll do exactly that.”

“Is this something that ends with reflection?”

Woo-jin really seemed about to go mad. From start to finish, he only talked nonsense. For him to come up with a solution, to take action, Hae-won needed to explain in a way he could understand, could accept, but Hae-won only said everything was impossible. That there was no way, that it couldn’t be restored. It was driving him increasingly mad.

“If it doesn’t end with reflection, doesn’t end with an apology, then what do you want me to do? Do I really have to die for you to forgive me?”

“How should I know. Figure it out yourself. Die or don’t.”

Let go, Hae-won squeezed out his last strength and pushed him. Woo-jin’s hand fell away. The wrist he had been gripping was red.

He unlocked the door that had closed again. As he flung the door open and went inside, Woo-jin’s low voice caught his ankle.

“……I can’t sleep.”

“……”

Hae-won looked back at him. On his completely unreflective, unsad, emotionless face, what stood out peculiarly was a profound fatigue.

“I can’t sleep without you.”

The gaze that had been directed at the floor looked at Hae-won.

“I can’t do anything.”

“Good for you. If you keep not sleeping like that, you’ll die someday.”

“……”

“Well, die well then.”

Hae-won opened the door and went inside.

∞ ∞ ∞

Woo-jin watched Lee Seung-min’s number flashing on his screen but didn’t answer. The bartender, conscious of his phone vibrating repeatedly, noticed he was deliberately ignoring it and quietly turned away.

Among all the things he disliked about himself, the most displeasing wasn’t being an emotionless monster, but that he couldn’t get drunk even when drinking. If these days continued, he’d have to force himself to sleep and take medication.

Woo-jin simply couldn’t sleep.

He had to play Hae-won’s performances all night, repeating them hundreds, thousands of times, watching the blue light of dawn seep through the window.

Whether for five or ten minutes, whenever he dozed off even briefly, he dreamed of Ha-young. He used to dream of Ha-young when tired before, but after Kim Jeong-geun went to prison, he hadn’t. He thought the guilt he felt toward her had disappeared because everything had concluded perfectly as planned.

But Woo-jin saw Ha-young in his dream. Ha-young hung from a black plum blossom, swaying with the petals, and Lee Tae-shin lay sprawled on the floor with his brains blown out. And in another part, Hae-won was being gang-raped by the air raid shelter members.

Waking from sleep as if pressed by a nightmare, he had to sit dazed for a long time. His mental state had always been impoverished, but never as messed up as now. It felt gritty, like sand in his eyes.

Rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand, he drank the alcohol. The high-proof liquor burned like flames down his esophagus, vivid, yet he couldn’t lose his mind. It was the first time he felt such desperation to get thoroughly drunk, collapse, and forget everything even for a moment. He didn’t want to think of Hae-won even for five minutes.

He was confused. He couldn’t distinguish whether it was so painful because Hae-won now said it was really over, or because it was difficult due to the deprivation and emptiness from completely losing control and dominance over Hae-won.

He had never so earnestly wanted something before, and all the things he believed were actually perfect were mere illusions.

Transcendent control like perfection never existed from the start.

The moments he believed he had Hae-won in his grasp weren’t achieved through Woo-jin’s efforts but were possible because Hae-won loved him.

But Woo-jin believed that was control.

Not knowing that Hae-won was tolerating and enduring because he loved him, thinking everything was going as he wished, as he wanted, as planned.

That the completion of possession over Hae-won…… had become perfect.

The vibration kept ringing. Woo-jin answered the phone. His calm voice, hard to believe he was drinking half a bottle of whiskey without ice, spoke.

“Stop calling. It means I don’t want to answer—you’re persistent.”

―Where are you?

“It’s long past quitting time.”

Lee Seung-min let out an exasperated sigh.

―You just shoved Lee Seok-joong in there however you wanted, and now what are we supposed to do? Even you should know that if they clamp down from above, there’s nothing I can do either!

He spoke in a tone of lament, no longer wanting to be caught up in major cases. Woo-jin furrowed his brow.

“With a recorded file of him admitting to bribery in his own voice, bank account details… what more do you need? What, should I hold a knife to his throat and get a confession? If you don’t like that, then just put me on the investigation team. If you don’t have the clout for that, then just leave it to me. Whether it turns out to be poison or rice.”

―Is that something the person who started this should say? You need to tighten the noose appropriately. Fine, Han-gyeong and K-One are one thing, but why Prosecutor General Lee Dae-young! What am I supposed to tell the Chief Prosecutor! You look like you’re determined to screw over fellow prosecutors right now!

“Lee Seok-joong messed with what’s mine. Whether Prosecutor General Lee Dae-young gets screwed or not is none of my business.”

Woo-jin’s head still felt like it was ringing just thinking about Hae-won’s insolent face, sitting on Lee Seok-joong’s lap and staring straight at him. It must be the feeling of getting hit on the back of the head with a blunt object.

He fiercely furrowed his eyebrows.

―Then you should have implicated him with something else. Why on earth did it have to be Prosecutor General Lee Dae-young! Wasn’t Park Hyung-soo enough, are you so obsessed with taking down all the Prosecutor Generals? You have to do things discreetly, discreetly! Don’t you understand what it means to control the pace of the investigation?

“The decision to indict is my sole authority. Whether it’s the one who gave or the one who took and ate, I will punish them according to the law.”

―Hyun Woo-jin!

An angry voice threateningly called his name, but Woo-jin hung up the phone. He didn’t turn it off, though. He watched indifferently as the vibrating stopped a few more times and drank.

What was truly driving him crazy wasn’t Hae-won who wouldn’t listen, nor Lee Seung-min who said the organization came first even when committing crimes, but his own brain that wouldn’t get drunk no matter how much he drank.

He was now half-admitting that he might indeed be a monster who wasn’t just someone who had lost his ordinariness, but someone who never had it from the beginning.

Woo-jin was a monster.

A devil born from sin, just as his father said.

But that didn’t matter.

Whether a monster or a devil… whether abnormal or human trash or whatever…

Even when he said to just say he killed both Lee Tae-shin and Kim Ha-young, Hae-won shuddered. He recoiled as if a disgusting reptile was grabbing his wrist.

“What the hell do you want me to do… how…”

Hae-won hated him. He disliked him.

The teeth that had been winding around him so gently now pushed him away with tremendous resistance, leaving no gap to wedge into. The words that it would only end if he died didn’t seem like a joke. It wasn’t something said out of hateful anger.

He wanted to go back to the time when he would open the door and hear the melody of the violin Hae-won played, see Hae-won’s things placed everywhere, smell Hae-won’s scent, and Hae-won would turn to look at him and greet him, asking if he had just arrived.

To go back to that time, to recover that memory, Woo-jin had no choice but to die.

He hadn’t committed any great wrong that warranted repayment with death.

He still didn’t understand why Hae-won, who wasn’t even a party involved, was making such a fuss. Everyone else knew, only Woo-jin didn’t.

Please, if only someone would make him understand, tell him the method…

By now, the fatigue towards Hae-won had truly soared to the point of exhaustion. He should obviously stop this pointless, irrational, and draining act, but he couldn’t let go of his pathetic obsession with Hae-won.

On top of that, Hae-won even had the nerve to babble about handing the ledger over to the Chief of Staff, making the impulse to chase him down and strangle him surge up intermittently, putting him in a difficult position.

Woo-jin drank the remaining whiskey to the last drop and stood up.

Leaving the bar, he got into a waiting taxi.

“Ouch, the smell of alcohol… It’s really strong. Where to?”

As soon as Woo-jin got in the passenger seat, the driver pinched his nose at the strong alcohol smell and asked.

“Do I smell a lot of alcohol?”

“I’m getting drunk just from it.”

“Do I look very drunk?”

“With such a strong smell of alcohol, of course you look drunk. I asked where you’re going.”

“To S-dong Terra Tower, please.”

Woo-jin leaned back in the seat and looked out the window.

While the smell of alcohol vibrated, his mind grew increasingly clear and sharp.

Not long after, the taxi carrying him stopped in front of Hae-won’s officetel.

Woo-jin paid and got out of the taxi.

The season had arrived where the night breeze had already begun to cool the nape of the neck. The air was subtly chilly and cold.

It was autumn.

Putting on the jacket he was holding, he walked to a nearby convenience store.

He bought a bottle of soju. He opened the cap, drank half like water, and smeared the rest on his clothes. He rubbed his soju-wet hands on his jacket and dabbed it on his nape like perfume. The smell of alcohol was so foul it stung his nose.

Looking at his reflection in the convenience store window, he pulled his tie halfway down, messed it up, and unbuttoned his shirt. He deliberately messed up his neatly combed hair.

A completely drunk man stood before his eyes. Passing by the part-timer who was looking at him with strange eyes, he left the convenience store.

Woo-jin went up to Hae-won’s officetel.

Even though he knew the door lock code, he didn’t press it and knocked on the door.

Remembering the voice that detested and loathed being called by his name, he called out Hae-won’s name repeatedly.

“Hae-won. Hae-won! Open the door. Hae-won. Moon Hae-won!”

Bang bang bang, as he knocked on the door and loudly called Hae-won’s name in succession, Woo-jin felt an inexplicable heat rising. This was just an act, but as if immersing himself in the role he was playing, he truly became sad and miserable.

He missed Hae-won unbearably.

As he knocked frantically until his hands hurt, the door lock released and the door swung open. He recklessly pulled the half-opened door.

He opened the door wide and faced Hae-won, who was looking at him with hostile, childlike eyes. Soon, Hae-won stared at him with fearful eyes, Woo-jin reeking terribly of alcohol.

“I… I killed them. Let’s go with that. Is that what you wanted to hear so badly?”

“Get lost before I call the police.”

“Hae-won.”

“Don’t say my name.”

“Hae-won… Hae-won. Hae-won. Moon Hae-won.”

“Don’t say my name! I’ll call the police. If you want a prosecutor to be utterly humiliated, keep it up.”

Hae-won tried to close the door. Woo-jin, as if reacting to that, roughly pulled the door and forced his way in.

Hae-won stepped back. Woo-jin stepped into the officetel with his shoes on. The door closed with a thud behind him.

“Get out.”

“…Hae-won.”

“Get out!”

Ignoring the shout to get out, he staggered with drunken steps. Stumbling as he walked, he plopped down on the bed. He leaned his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands. He rubbed his roughened facial skin painfully.

He wasn’t drunk, but perhaps because he was pretending to be drunk, his head was truly dizzy.

Hae-won grabbed Woo-jin by the collar and pulled him up. He pushed him, telling him not to sit on the bed. As he grabbed the unyielding clothing and pulled him up, Woo-jin’s hand grabbed Hae-won’s hand that was clutching his clothes.

Before Hae-won could shake him off and tell him to let go, Woo-jin interlaced their fingers. Hae-won was helplessly caught by him. Woo-jin lifted his disheveled head and looked down at Hae-won’s hand.

“You’re not hurt anywhere, are you?”

“Let go.”

“You shouldn’t get hurt anywhere.”

“I said let go!”

“I want to sleep with you.”

“……”

“I want to date you.”

“……”

“I want to get serious.”

Hae-won stood still, held by him.

He stood there looking down at Woo-jin, whose hair was disheveled and clothes were equally undone, listening to the words he was babbling.

“Let go.”

“Where are you trying to go.”

“Just… let go for a moment.”

“Don’t go anywhere. Stay here. Shall we lie down together?”

“Just a moment. Let me go. Okay?”

Hae-won spoke softly. Hae-won, who had been like an ice block, changed to be like sunshine as before. Looking up at such Hae-won with emotion, Woo-jin let go of his hand.

Hae-won walked to the kitchen. He opened a drawer, took something out, and returned to him sitting on the bed.

He had a knife in his hand. Hae-won held the fruit knife against his chin.

“If you want to sleep with me, swallow this.”

“……”

The one pointing the knife was Hae-won, but through the disheveled black hair, the glint of the blade prepared to stab the other party flashed in Woo-jin’s pupils.

The hand holding the knife turned pale. Woo-jin slowly looked up from the pointed knife tip to the hand holding the knife, and then to Hae-won.

“Isn’t that too big to swallow? You should give me something I can swallow.”

“If you grab my hand one more time, I’ll really stab you then.”

As soon as that warning fell, he grabbed the back of the hand holding the knife.

Hae-won’s whole body flinched. Whether drunk or pretending to be drunk, his fierce eyes emitted a clear light like shards of ice.

Applying force, he pulled Hae-won’s hand towards himself. The knife tip moved. The sharp point touched Woo-jin’s Adam’s apple. Hae-won hesitated. He resisted, not wanting to be pulled any further.

“Shall we make it one kiss for every stab?”

“……”

As Hae-won’s startled hand trembled slightly, Woo-jin pushed it towards himself with force.

The held knife tip dug into human flesh.

A chilling sensation ran tingling down his spine. Startled, Hae-won threw away the knife he was holding. Clang, the sharpened blade that fell to the floor scattered light.

Red blood trickled down Woo-jin’s neck.

“Kiss me.”

“You crazy bastard.”

“It’s one kiss for every stab.”

“I’ll call the police. Quickly… get out quickly.”

Hae-won found the phone left on the table. Holding the phone and dialing a number, he looked at Woo-jin, at the neck bleeding blood, with trembling eyes.

Woo-jin remained stubbornly seated on the bed, whether Hae-won reported him or not.

Hae-won couldn’t make the report and threw the phone in his hand at him. The machine didn’t even hit Woo-jin squarely and fell in the wrong place.

“Get lost. Don’t appear before my eyes.”

“Will you let me sleep a bit? Sleep… I haven’t been able to sleep. I don’t even know how many days it’s been.”

He wiped his face, which seemed caked with fatigue. Whether because he drank, couldn’t sleep, or both, his head hurt as if it would split. Blood came off on the hand wiping his face and neck.

Every time he met Hae-won, blood sprouted from his body. Droplets of blood bloomed like flowers. Woo-jin was almost looking forward to the blooming of the blood droplets.

“Don’t get humiliated, get lost. Do you want to be dragged away by the police?”

“Call them. If you call them, I’ll make them drive me away. Don’t you know I’m good at lying?”

“Why do you live like that. Don’t live, just die.”

“Exactly. I don’t know why I keep living like that. Why I keep stubbornly living on. What do you think you’re trying to achieve while killing everyone around you…”

Muttering as if to himself, Woo-jin pulled the bedding and wiped his neck. The blood had already stopped, so not much stained the white bedding.

It smelled of Hae-won. Woo-jin brought the bedding to his nose and smelled it. While Hae-won looked at him soaked in fear, he smelled Hae-won’s scent like a beast tracking prey.

He wasn’t going to return the bed.

But at least he should have kept the bedding. He didn’t really think it was the end. He vaguely hoped that if he insisted, threatened, made appropriate excuses, lied, and appeased him, Hae-won would pretend to give in and come back.

He wasn’t good at control, nor did he have a talent for manipulating situations as he wished. He was abnormal and had nothing he was good at. The achievements he believed he had accomplished were all towers built on lies and threats. Towers so fragile and worthless they would just crumble if someone poked them, and they even gave off a foul stench.

“No matter how much I drink, I can’t get drunk.”

“……”

“Before coming here, I drank a whole bottle of whiskey and half a bottle of soju, but I’m still not drunk. Do you know what really drives me crazy?”

“……”

“Both Father and Mother say I’m crazy… but I don’t think I am. No matter how much I try to lose my mind, it won’t let go. Everything is so clear and distinct that I can’t accept them saying I’m crazy.”

“……”

“I wish I were crazy too. I wish my mind had snapped so I couldn’t see anything, I’d rather that. I don’t want to live like this, struggling to prove that I’m not human trash.”

“……”

“I… I didn’t kill anyone.”

He muttered quietly to the floor where no one was listening.

His body, which had been staggering, stood up properly as if nothing had happened, emitting a cool chill.

He approached Hae-won. Hae-won had to lift his head to look at his face. It felt like just yesterday that he would pull Hae-won’s waist, bury his face in his chest, and happily enjoy the warmly enveloping body heat, but now they stood as separate objects in an irreversible place. The glass wall he saw when meeting Seung-cheol in prison was placed between Hae-won and Woo-jin.

“If I die, will you kiss me then?”

“No.”

“That’s harsh.”

Woo-jin’s hand approached as if to touch his cheek. Hae-won turned his head to avoid the touch. The hand that stopped in mid-air clenched into a fist.

“I didn’t really like you.”

“……”

“I… didn’t really love you.”

The voice he wanted to record and play whenever he wanted spoke immersed in regret, but he didn’t seem to consider the act itself a mistake.

The rough, rubbing breath was quiet.

After staring for a long time at Hae-won, who stood facing away, he left the officetel.

Hae-won’s eyes remained bewildered on the bed sheets he had messed up, the red traces left on them, and the knife fallen on the floor.

∞ ∞ ∞

“Mr. Hae-won, here’s a sandwich.”

“…Ah, yes.”

Taking the sandwich the manager handed him, Hae-won unwrapped it and took a bite. He couldn’t taste it, couldn’t smell it, and felt no texture.

He ate half the sandwich and put it down. As he put it down after eating half, the manager, who had finished his own sandwich, asked.

“You need to eat something to endure while performing. Shall I get you something else?”

“Coffee. Iced latte.”

“You might catch a cold, so have something warm. The weather has gotten much cooler.”

“Iced latte.”

“Yes.”

The manager let out a small sigh at Hae-won’s stubbornness and stood up.

A staff member from the agency who had done simple makeup came in with clothes wrapped in transparent plastic. It was a black shirt with good elasticity and a black pants suit. He also brought well-polished black shoes.

“These are sponsored items. Do you know how much these cost? They say it’s over twenty million won.”

“Ah, yes.”

“You said you can’t wear a watch because it gets in the way, so please be sure to wear these cufflinks and tie pin.”

“Yes.”

“Congratulations on your first concert being sold out. You saw the flower wreath the President sent, right?”

“Yes.”

No matter how hard the staff tried to be kind, tired of Hae-won who responded with short, insincere answers, he forced a smile and stopped speaking.

The waiting room was quiet.

Hae-won, who had been wiping off the white rosin powder that had fallen under the bridge with a super-fine fiber cleaner and cleaning the surface, put down the violin and this time applied rosin to the bow.

A poster for the recital was on the waiting room wall. Under the image of Hae-won standing sideways holding a violin, a short biography was written.

Where he graduated from, where he performed, which album he played which piece on, what performances he did… it wasn’t a brilliant enough career to sell out a recital like this.

He stared stupidly at his own face that seemed like someone else’s.

The bow for the recital had its hair changed recently. He applied rosin and rubbed it with his hand. He checked the sound by drawing a legato across each string of the violin, which had already been tuned.

The pieces were chosen by the agency considering Hae-won’s popular appeal. They decided on C. Franck Violin Sonata in A Major, M.8, recommended by the agency, and Bach Violin Sonata No.1 in G minor, BWV 1001, which he chose himself.

They programmed to play Bach’s unaccompanied sonata first, then two short pieces, and after the intermission, Franck’s violin sonata.

Bach’s unaccompanied sonata was one Hae-won often played, so he chose it on purpose. He didn’t have the spirit to blindly cling to practice, but clinging to it wouldn’t make it a performance that wouldn’t happen anyway.

He barely completed Franck’s violin sonata by practicing with his professor. If he played an unfamiliar piece, he would surely make mistakes. Hae-won was absent-minded and couldn’t handle anything unless it was a schedule already promised.

If only half the tickets had sold, I might have irresponsibly suggested canceling and paying the penalty myself. But with the concert sold out, escape was already a lost cause.

The staff member bustling beside me disappeared, and Hae-won took a long, deep breath, deliberately trying to make himself tense, constantly reminding himself that today, and in one hour, was the performance.

Suddenly, tears streamed down, wetting his cheeks.

This had been happening a lot lately. Whether Woo-jin died, or I died, or anyone died, I just wanted someone to die quickly and end this excruciating torment.

I envied Tae-shin. I prayed for an unexpected, unfortunate accident to take his precarious life.

Hae-won wiped his tears with the back of his hand as if wiping away snot. Worried his makeup might have smeared, he looked in the mirror. He rubbed his cheeks, erasing the tear-stained boundaries.

Knock, knock. At the sound, he answered, “Come in.” Thinking it was the manager who had gone to get coffee, the door opened, and what entered was an unbelievably large flower basket.

Hae-won’s expression hardened coldly. Flower baskets large enough to hide an adult man came in one after another, occupying every remaining space in the waiting room.

The delivery staff finished and left after a bow. The suffocatingly sweet floral scent filled the cramped space. Lee Jin-young was out of his mind too. Nearly blinded, yet he came and, even with a sunken nose bridge, was pulling this kind of stunt again. Picking up the card stuck on the large flower basket and unfolding it, Hae-won’s eyes widened.

“……”

It wasn’t Lee Jin-young. It was Woo-jin.

[Congratulations on Violinist Moon Hae-won’s first recital.]

Though no name was written, it was Woo-jin’s handwriting.

He crumpled the card in an instant and threw it to the floor. Like a madman, he pulled out the flowers—innocent, beautiful flowers—from the basket and threw them to the ground. Panting heavily, he grabbed and pulled out whatever flower stems he could reach, throwing them down and stomping on them.

“Mr. Hae-won! Mr. Hae-won, what’s wrong?!”

Someone grabbed the convulsing Hae-won and tried to stop him. His face flushed red as he mindlessly wrecked the flower basket. Hae-won turned, panting, to look at the manager.

“Are you crazy? Why are you suddenly doing this?”

“Hah, hah, get rid of these. Get rid of them quickly!”

“Okay. I’ll clean it all up. Calm down a bit. The performance is soon, calm down.”

The mercilessly plucked flowers lay scattered at Hae-won’s feet. Breathing heavily, he hurriedly wiped away the tears falling onto them.

“You’ll need your makeup redone… Ugh, what a mess.”

The manager sighed and called staff to clear away the flower baskets. The baskets occupying the space were taken out one by one, and the beautifully colored flowers fallen on the floor were swept into a dustpan with a broom. The flowers were dumped upside down into the trash can.

Hae-won wanted to grab someone and cry, but he stood there, silently holding back sobs, sniffling.

“This is driving me crazy, really. Has Director Kim Jae-min not arrived yet?”

“The Director said he’d come on time. I’ll call him.”

The manager and agency staff flustered, not knowing what to do.

It was clear someone was determined to suffocate him to death with this. Just thinking about it was enough to drive him insane, wanting to jump somewhere and end his life. To drive him mad, Woo-jin was doing all sorts of things.

“Hae-won-ah!”

Jae-min, having received the call, arrived and rushed into the waiting room, breathing heavily. Burying his face, soaked with silent tears, into Jae-min’s shoulder, Hae-won let out the sobs he had been holding back.

Guilt towards Tae-shin, mockery directed at himself, hatred and pity felt for Woo-jin—all chaotically mixed together, each time striking Hae-won with the same weight, collapsing him with the same impact.

The performance was delayed by fifteen minutes.

He washed his face at the sink set up in the waiting room. Hae-won had his makeup redone. Everyone was careful not to provoke him, as if touching his back would reflexively cause tears to fall.

Patting his shoulder soothingly, Jae-min asked.

“It’s delayed fifteen minutes. Can you do it?”

“……”

Hae-won nodded without a word. After calming Hae-won down, Jae-min quietly asked the manager.

“The audience is seated, right?”

“They should be. The seating time has passed.”

“Something feels off…”

Jae-min tilted his head curiously, then turned his gaze to Hae-won. He was too preoccupied to worry about this side.

Looking at Hae-won’s swollen eyes, he laughed at an inappropriate time.

“Your eyes are all puffy, it’s really cute.”

“I’m not in the mood for jokes.”

“I already know you’re not. Should we change the order? You’re not going to cry while playing, are you?”

“That won’t happen.”

“If it won’t happen, then it shouldn’t have happened before either.”

“…That, that…”

Remembering the flower basket Woo-jin sent, tears threatened to fall again. As Hae-won’s breathing grew rapid, like the violent trembling after crying, Jae-min hurriedly cut off the tears.

“Don’t cry! Whatever it is, cry after it’s over. Understood?”

“Okay.”

Hae-won barely swallowed his tears.

Making Hae-won suffer like this, Woo-jin must be suffering too. He pitied himself for counting how many nights Woo-jin had gone without sleep, saying he couldn’t sleep, that he wanted to sleep.

Everything was a lie, but at least that wasn’t. It wasn’t Hae-won but Woo-jin who was rolling on the ground, overturned by what he had done, soaked in pain. It was Woo-jin who bled. It was he who couldn’t sleep.

But Hae-won felt he was the one suffering more. Woo-jin, without emotions, couldn’t possibly suffer as much. Because he lacked emotions; if he were a human with proper emotions, he might have died twelve times over by now.

Hae-won changed clothes, finished preparing, and picked up his violin. He also took out the handkerchief to place under the chinrest.

He went outside the waiting room and stood backstage. Staff exchanged flustered glances.

“What’s going on?”

Sensing the strange atmosphere, Hae-won asked. The manager, waiting for a signal from the staff, turned his head.

“Ah… I’m not sure either. Anyway…”

“What is it?”

“Mr. Moon Hae-won, you can go up now.”

The bright stage spotlight shone towards the back. A staff member approached and pointed Hae-won to the stairs. With an uneasy expression, unable to confirm what was happening, Hae-won climbed the stairs and walked onto the stage.

Arriving at the center of the stage where the music stand and piano were placed, he looked ahead. The striking light was too bright to see beyond.

Something was off.

Hadn’t they said it was sold out?

Beyond the bright lights, the dim audience seats were sparsely occupied, with people few enough to count on one hand.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine… two up there, another beyond…

This floor wasn’t visible, but the first floor was almost completely empty.

To the sparse applause from the few people, Hae-won slowly bowed his head in greeting. The applause, as if from one or two people, stopped.

An awkward silence, chilly and embarrassing, flowed. Someone clearing their throat sounded unusually loud.

What’s going on?

What is this?

He didn’t even have the leisure to think such thoughts. Whether one person or two, someone was seated. He placed the handkerchief under the chinrest, set the violin between his chin and shoulder. Regardless of how he felt, whether the applause was loud or soft, whether the audience was ten or six hundred, performing was the reason Hae-won was alive today.

Hae-won closed his eyes and steadied his breath. As his breathing calmed and he finished preparing to produce sound, he raised his bow-holding arm high. Pressing the strings, he drew the bow down. Hae-won placed the violin between his shoulder and chin and began to play.

Bach’s Sonata for Solo Violin No. 1 in G minor, BWV 1001.

The first movement, Adagio, resonated devoutly and majestically, stirring the audience’s emotions.

Bach’s unaccompanied solo pieces break the audience’s concentration if the violinist loses focus. Hae-won keenly straightened his nerves to avoid stray thoughts.

A piece that doesn’t demand great technique, not particularly high in difficulty, but one where the performance collapses without cold passion—ironically, performers find it more challenging.

The sorrowful, beautiful melody was unusually slow, requiring considerable energy to properly articulate each note. Drawing the bow, Hae-won was careful not to sink into sadness, not to produce a mournful sound.

Finishing the first movement, which served as a prelude, he took a breath, filled his chest, and immediately moved to the second movement. The second movement, Fuga: Allegro, was an interlude of rich harmonies.

Hae-won pressed the fingerboard with force in his fingertips for accurate fingering. To create a passionate sound, he drew the bow down so hard his upper body unconsciously sank.

A theme that seems to respond, unbelievable from a single violin, reaches the postlude, gradually becoming complex and dazzling.

Each time he sharply drew the bow down, Hae-won’s tightly closed eyes frowned. Transitioning to the third movement, Siciliana, somewhat more relaxed compared to the second, he played with a slow but decisively non-dragging feel.

Finishing the third movement, Hae-won briefly lowered the violin. Slowly inhaled and exhaled. The fourth movement, Presto, had to be played in a completely different atmosphere.

Composing himself, he placed the violin on his shoulder. Closed his eyes and moved the bow swiftly and nimbly. Pressing the fingerboard incessantly, drawing the bow with near-technical precision, alternating between full and half bows in a frenzy.

Finishing the brilliant performance, he lifted the bow far from the strings and exhaled the long breath he had been holding.

“Whew…”

As he finished playing, the countable number of audience members clapped. Not even the usual coughs that erupt between movements were heard.

From the hot pin spotlight overhead and the intense movements, sweat seeped onto Hae-won’s forehead. Hae-won narrowed his eyes and looked at the audience seats. The sparsely seated audience became more visible as his eyes adjusted to the bright lights.

Regardless of numbers, they all shone their eyes, sending favorable glances towards Hae-won.

So that’s it, there must have been some mistake calling it sold out. Before starting the encore pieces, he scanned the audience seats and locked eyes with someone.

“……”

Sitting alone in the best middle front row, the man’s silhouette alone was unmistakably Woo-jin.

The silhouette, legs crossed, leaning an arm on the armrest with chin propped, was blurry, but the gaze piercing through his face was as clear as if he alone were under a spotlight.

He had to play the encore pieces, but Hae-won blankly met his eyes. The man, sitting with chin propped, changed his posture. Staring at him, despite several encore pieces remaining, Hae-won left the stage. The manager and Jae-min hurriedly approached him.

“What is it?”

Only then did Hae-won confront them about what was going on.

“…Some crazy person bought almost all the tickets. It seems that person caused the sellout. Did you see who it was?”

“Does that make sense?”

“They bought them through the normal route on the website booking window, so no one knew. Still, a few people who managed to get tickets came.”

The manager answered with a troubled expression.

“…I’m not doing the next piece. Tell them I’m not doing it.”

“The refund policy is… it’s not a small amount, so wouldn’t it be better to just do it? The President is on his way too.”

The manager almost pleaded, clasping his hands as if in prayer.

“I don’t mind performing where there are no people, I don’t mind performing where no one listens, but I won’t perform in front of that bastard.”

Pretending to come to the concert now wouldn’t change anything. There was nothing he could undo.

Before the performance’s afterglow even faded, his entire body turned cold.

Hae-won entered the waiting room. Unconsciously, he tried to slam the violin in his hand to the floor. He raised the violin high, about to throw it on the table, then hesitated.

“……”

Hae-won carefully set down the violin and loosened the bow he had tightened by turning the screw.

The dark figure sitting in the center of the audience, Woo-jin, had come to the concert hall for the first time and listened to Hae-won’s performance alone. That wouldn’t change anything.

Watching Hae-won suffer after breaking up, Woo-jin waited for him to surrender first, to crawl on all fours, to crawl to him on his own feet, and made it happen. Everything was manipulation, everything was false. All of it was a scheme, a conspiracy.

This too is a scheme.

Making his already cold, stern face even colder, Hae-won gulped down the iced latte whose ice had completely melted.

With a cautious knock, the manager and agency President appeared.

“What is this? Why is this handled like this? If someone was messing with the tickets, you should have told me! Where do you see making a fool of someone like this?!”

Hae-won shouted as soon as he saw the President. The fact that he had performed blankly in front of Woo-jin was unbearable. He felt like a fool again.

“Ah, that… Mr. Hae-won seemed too sensitive, so the timing to tell… but since they were bought normally, we couldn’t not hold the performance, so… I’m sorry.”

The manager bowed his head as if apologizing.

“I’m not doing the remaining pieces. Since it’s canceled, refund them or send them back, do whatever.”

As if to prove his words, Hae-won put the violin in its case and organized. Even if beaten to death, he couldn’t perform. He didn’t want to. He would never perform in front of Woo-jin.

“Sigh… I’ll try to make some excuse.”

The President pressed his forehead with his hand and went out.

Left alone, Hae-won bit his lip hard. Doing this now was useless. No matter what he did, he wouldn’t react. He kept steadying his endlessly crumbling heart.

Whether he apologized to the few audience members or not, the President returned with the manager, his expression lighter. Hae-won spoke to him.

“I want to go home. Prepare the car.”

“Yes, understood.”

The manager went out. The President awkwardly sat in the chair opposite Hae-won, matching his gaze.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Hae-won.”

“I won’t do this in the future, so know that.”

“I’ll be more careful, so cheer up. Have a drink with Director Kim and go rest.”

“I want to rest.”

“Don’t be like that. I already reserved a place for the after-party anyway. The staff worked hard too, we should celebrate together. It was sold out, after all.”

“Was that sold out? You made me put on a show for a handful of people, and now who are you mocking?”

“Why a handful? People who couldn’t get tickets came to the concert hall. How many fans do you have, saying such things?”

He performed in front of Woo-jin. He listened to his performance. Woo-jin liked Hae-won’s playing. Sometimes he begged him to play the violin, and even during busy, sleepless schedules, when Hae-won practiced, he would just sit and listen. That’s right… maybe he didn’t like me, but he liked my playing. He said he didn’t want anyone else to hear, that he wanted to be the only one listening, that he wanted me to play for him. Even if he hated being seen, play for him…

What he wanted wasn’t just this pitiful body. He insisted I undress only in front of him with integrity, and said he wouldn’t tolerate anyone else afterward. There was one more unnecessary condition attached. I had to play for him.

“Don’t be like that, come to the after-party. Let’s do that. Okay?”

“…I’ll do that.”

Hae-won was a violinist; even if not in a concert hall, there were ways to show his performance to a specific person only. He didn’t want to show himself being swept up and staggering by his actions. Not because the President persuaded him, but because Hae-won decided to go to the after-party to show composure to Woo-jin.

“Change clothes and come out. You should greet the fans waiting outside too.”

“I don’t want to meet anyone right now. I don’t have the energy to force a smile.”

“Okay, then. Go down to the parking lot first. I’ll handle the fans.”

The agency president patted Hae-won’s shoulder as if encouraging him and stood up. After he left, Hae-won, sitting alone in the waiting room, struggled to lift his exhausted body and changed his clothes. After changing into comfortable clothes, he washed out the wax-styled hair with water and tousled it. The naturally flowing hair covered his forehead.

I should get a haircut soon……

Hae-won touched his now-long hair and quietly gazed at his own face in the mirror. Woo-jin, kissing his nape with closed eyes, overlapped with the reflection in the mirror. The hand that swept through his hair and caressed his cheek and ear also overlapped. Woo-jin had enjoyed watching their lovemaking through the black glass window. He would sit Hae-won on his lap, hold him breathlessly, and watch as if observing, as if appreciating.

Memories he wanted to erase even by using someone else lingered all over Hae-won’s body.

Leaving the violin in the car, he entered an underground bar not far from the concert hall. On one side of the noisy bar, two large tables reserved in advance were pushed together.

As he went inside, Hae-won looked for Jae-min. With a smile on his face, Jae-min, who had been talking with the president about something, hurried over at Hae-won’s call.

“Director, sit here.”

“What does it matter who sits where? This is a chance to get closer to the company staff too.”

“Still.”

“Alright.”

Jae-min didn’t dislike Hae-won leaning on him whenever he was tired. Jae-min sat beside Hae-won. Agency staff, managers, and crew members arrived one by one, filling the empty seats. They glanced at Hae-won as if he were a strange creature. Jae-min, who had been watching the curious glances directed at Hae-won with interest, finally burst out laughing.

“It’s okay. He looks fierce, but he won’t bite.”

Jae-min lightly placed a hand on Hae-won’s shoulder and pulled him back as he kept retreating into the dark corner. Hae-won frowned in displeasure. He didn’t try to make eye contact with anyone and didn’t want to talk either.

“Say hello, try to get along.”

Since saying no seemed like throwing a tantrum, Hae-won scowled at him and reluctantly greeted the crew and staff.

Though the after-party was awkward due to the strangely tangled performance, Jae-min and the agency president, who were usually close, lightened the mood by joking around playfully.

Hae-won also drank the alcohol offered to him. Woo-jin had said he never got drunk no matter how much he drank. All the things he had done while pretending to be drunk were deceit and mockery. Unaware of this, Hae-won had asked him each time he was drunk whom he liked more, jealous of the dead fiancée he assumed was buried deep in his heart.

Only later did Hae-won realize anew how cruel Woo-jin’s actions were, showing no hesitation in making a fool of someone. He had to let Woo-jin, who was surely watching him from somewhere unseen, know this cruelty of having his heart torn apart.

After drinking a fair amount, the alcohol began to take effect. His eyes felt hot, and his chest fluttered slightly. Hae-won rubbed his eyes.

“Already drunk?”

Jae-min, who had been loudly toasting and drinking with the crew, turned to Hae-won and asked.

“I guess I’m just tired.”

“Want to head back now?”

Hae-won nodded in agreement. He rested his forehead on Jae-min’s shoulder and rubbed it. Jae-min, holding Hae-won’s jacket and phone for him, went ahead to apologize and helped him out of the bar, supporting his arm.

Jae-min’s car entered the alley and stopped in front of them. Hae-won held onto Jae-min’s clothes, bowing his head deeply.

“Get in quickly. I’ll take you home.”

“……”

Hae-won nodded exaggeratedly as if drunk. As he got into the car, he looked around. Woo-jin’s gaze, or the gaze of strangers Woo-jin might have planted, was nowhere to be seen.

Leaning his head on Jae-min’s shoulder as they got into the back seat, Hae-won fumbled for and held his hand. Jae-min, who had been telling the driver the destination, looked at Hae-won. Ignoring the intent gaze, Hae-won tightly grasped his hand. Jae-min sat there without a word, offering his shoulder.

Arriving at the officetel and getting out of the car, Hae-won took the violin from Jae-min’s hand.

“Let me carry it. You’re drunk.”

“I’m not that drunk.”

“Really? You seem really drunk.”

Hae-won tried to grab his hand indiscriminately. Holding Jae-min’s hand, he searched for Woo-jin, who must be watching him. He had to let him know the pain of having his heart sliced apart.

They took the elevator up to the officetel.

“I get that you want to get revenge by flaunting it, but it’s a bit much. That guy even called me because you asked. Doing this feels exactly like taking someone else’s thing, and it doesn’t feel good.”

“……”

“This makes me uneasy. Let me just play the protector role for now. We can think about the rest later.”

“……Are you criticizing me now?”

“Yeah. I’m doing it once, and I won’t lose anything, but you two haven’t sorted things out yet, and I don’t want to get caught in between. The tickets for this performance were that guy’s doing, right? He has no intention of ending things with you.”

“There’s nothing to end.”

“I don’t know what happened, but don’t drag me into it. Sort it out between yourselves.”

“It’s not something that can be sorted out.”

As if refuting him, Hae-won coldly let go of the hand he was holding. Since Jae-min wasn’t holding his hand back at all, his hand remained where it was.

“What on earth did he do to make you like this?”

“He didn’t like me. He pretended to and played with me.”

“……It didn’t seem that way to me.”

“Whose side are you on now?”

“Not his side, but not exactly yours either. I’m just telling you what I see.”

“Fine. Drop it.”

It wasn’t something that could be resolved by someone overlooking it and moving on. That was the tragedy.

It wasn’t that he lacked the strength to heed Jae-min’s advice, but something had happened that couldn’t be simply brushed off and forgotten. Tae-shin’s corpse lying on the floor and Ha-young hanging by the neck couldn’t be swept into a dustpan, cleaned up, and buried as if nothing had happened. Recovery was impossible from the start.

“Go inside. Get some rest.”

“……”

Without responding to his kind farewell, Hae-won unlocked the door, went inside, and deliberately slammed it shut with a bang.

Hae-won leaned against the door with the violin slung over his shoulder and slid down to the floor. He buried his face in his knees.

Woo-jin had pressured him, saying that if he handed over the ledger, he would never come looking again, and that he wanted to end things with Hae-won more than anyone else. Whether he gave it to him or handed it over to anyone on that list, he had to sort it out now. He had to end it.

As time passed, what became clearer was that their breakup was something Woo-jin had to at least pretend to understand.

Into the Thrill Part 2, Volume 3