5 – Chapter 5

It was a few days later. A call came from an unknown number. It was Han-gyeong, a member of the symphony and the second chair violinist. Did you hear the news? he asked frantically, without any preamble. It was a strange thing to say after calling for the first time in a year. Hae-won asked what was going on and then paused.

—You haven’t heard that Seung-cheol Seonbae was arrested? The conductor and the concertmaster were even called in.

Seung-cheol was Senior Choi’s name.

“What are you talking about?”

—They say he was involved in embezzlement of arts foundation funds and last year’s Cheongmyeong Music University admissions scandal. Seung-cheol Hyung’s brother-in-law is the head of student affairs at that music school, right? They say all the kids who took lessons from professors introduced by Seung-cheol Hyung got into Cheongmyeong. They’re summoning the parents one by one now.

His voice was somewhat excited. He was already taking it for granted that the first chair violinist would be kicked out. He was blabbering about things no one had asked, like watching someone else’s house burn.

Hae-won recalled Senior Choi’s neat face. He pictured in his mind the senior’s face, standing awkwardly in front of the officetel door. Like a person whose emotions had dried up, Hae-won answered in a disinterested tone.

“I didn’t know he’d go that far.”

—So, the thing is, we’re short on violinists right now. We have a regular performance coming up, it’s a big problem. We’ve managed to get a conductor on short notice, but if you have time…

“I won’t do it.”

—Don’t just cut it off so bluntly.

“I’m hanging up.”

Hae-won ended the call.

He said he’d make him crawl on all fours. Even if it had been Kim Jae-min standing in front of his own door with a bag of bread after starving for three days, Hae-won would have opened the door.

Senior Choi was a shrewd person. He wasn’t greedily obsessed with money, but he didn’t exactly refuse material things either. He understood the necessity of money well and liked the comfort it provided. The senior’s nice car, nice house. He recalled the expensive clothes the kids in that house wore and the private kindergarten. He was from an ordinary family, majoring in music without much parental support. The symphony member’s salary and private lesson income probably couldn’t cover such expenses.

Hae-won ignored the ringing phone. He left his phone and went out of the officetel. He wandered the streets for the first time in a long while.

He spent the next few days as usual. Waking up, eating breakfast, practicing violin, going to the gym, reading books, watching movies. Nothing happened.

The music school admissions scandal made the newspaper headlines. A certain Mr. Choi from an involved symphony orchestra, a certain Mr. Kim and a certain Mr. Lee from the university foundation were arrested and detained on grounds of risk of evidence destruction and the seriousness of the charges. It was news he wasn’t curious about and didn’t want to know.

The things that would make him crawl on all fours kept happening. This time, it was the housekeeper. He got word that Father and his stepmother had been called into the prosecutors’ office. The only one left alone in that big house was his six-year-old half-sister, Hae-jeong. This time, it was a call Hae-won couldn’t ignore. He hurried to the main house.

“What is this all about?”

Hae-won asked urgently as soon as the housekeeper opened the door. She also looked flustered, having gone through a bewildering event.

“Yesterday, they suddenly barged in, turned the house upside down, saying they were conducting a seizure and search, an investigation, and took a whole bunch of stuff. And then yesterday, prosecutors’ investigators took Madam and the President for an emergency summons. It’s been a whole day, and they’re still being questioned.”

“What about Hae-jeong?”

“Madam asked me to, so I couldn’t go home yesterday and slept here with her. They said it was nothing serious, not to make a fuss, the CEO and Madam repeatedly told me, so I sent her to kindergarten this morning like nothing was wrong, but does the child know? It’s almost time for her to come back now, it’s a big problem. Please stay with us, Hae-won.”

“……”

Hae-won went into Father’s study. It was a mess, as if someone had deliberately ransacked it. It looked similar to how Kim Jae-min had trashed his officetel.

He called Hyun Woo-jin. The futilely ringing bell sound gnawed at his patience. He didn’t answer. Was this what he meant by making him crawl on all fours?

If it weren’t for Hae-jeong, he wouldn’t want to run after him in a panic. He called again. Hae-won unconsciously ground and chewed his lips. He was ignoring him on purpose, and he wouldn’t answer the phone anyway. He put the phone down as if throwing it.

Father was a supplier who imported weapons from the US and delivered them to East Asia. He had connections at the US Department of Defense. He said they were army buddies he met when he was a KATUSA. Though he didn’t know the details, he knew that for his father to monopolize such a high-profit business, there had to be more corruption than with Senior Choi.

While he was stuck, unable to do this or that, he heard small footsteps, whether Hae-jeong had finished kindergarten and arrived home. Tap tap tap, Hae-jeong, who ran to Father’s study, saw Hae-won and burst into the tears she had been holding back, running to him and hugging him tightly.

Even though he was her half-brother and had never done anything for her, never said a single affectionate word to her, and had even hated her when Mother passed away…

Hae-jeong entrusted her whole small body to him. She had no one else in this world to rely on.

Hae-won was scared. The small child’s body was too heavy. Hae-jeong, relying on him who could do nothing, suddenly felt like an unbearable weight pressing down on him.

“Sorry, Hae-jeong. I’m sorry. Your brother… I’m sorry.”

Hae-won slowly wrapped his arms around Hae-jeong’s back, who was clinging tightly to him. The child’s held-back tears burst forth like a dam breaking. He carefully stroked the back of Hae-jeong, who was sobbing wretchedly, her whole body shaking.

After comforting Hae-jeong, saying it was nothing, over and over, and entrusting her to the housekeeper, Hae-won went to the Central District Prosecutors’ Office.

They said they didn’t allow visits for suspects under emergency summons. When he said he wanted to meet Prosecutor Hyun Woo-jin, a civil petition police officer who made a call somewhere chased Hae-won out. As he was loitering in front, unable to enter, someone approached him. It was the practical officer he had seen last time at Prosecutor Hyun Woo-jin’s office.

“You came to see the prosecutor?”

“Is Prosecutor Hyun Woo-jin inside?”

“The prosecutor asked me to give you this.”

She handed Hae-won a note. She exchanged a glance and disappeared into the prosecutors’ office with light steps, where he couldn’t enter.

Hae-won unfolded the note she gave him. An address was written. It seemed to be the address of the officetel where he lived.

Hae-won went straight to Hyun Woo-jin’s officetel. It was an officetel not too far from the prosecutors’ office. Hae-won waited for Hyun Woo-jin in front of the door. He had never waited for someone like this before, especially waiting in front of someone else’s house; it was a first in his life. It was practically the same as crawling on all fours in a hurry.

Tired from waiting, he even forgot why he was doing this here. Hae-won was leaning against his officetel door, sitting slumped on the floor. He rested his face on his raised knees and shivered from the cold. He had been waiting for him for ten hours.

It must have been past two in the morning.

At the sound of clacking footsteps, Hae-won lifted his face from his knees. Hyun Woo-jin, who had gotten off the elevator, was walking quickly while reading something on his phone, and upon carelessly discovering Hae-won, slowly came to a stop.

He quietly looked down at his own state. He carefully scanned the exhausted, disheveled, and resigned appearance. Nothing came to his lips. It was a perfectly flawless expressionless face. He wasn’t sorry, nor was he excited with the thrill of having won and seized something.

Hae-won stared up at him blankly, leaning against the door. Hyun Woo-jin put his phone in his back pocket and stood in front of Hae-won, in front of his own officetel door. Hae-won turned his head following his movement.

“Did you crawl here diligently on all fours?”

“……”

“I didn’t think you’d wait until this hour. Had I known it would be like this, I would have come back even later.”

Hae-won quietly blinked. He tried to get up, but his body wouldn’t listen. Staggering, he pushed off the floor to stand up, and Hyun Woo-jin offered his hand. Ignoring his hand meant to help him up, he leaned against the wall and barely stood. Hae-won’s gaze and his were now almost level.

“Why are you like this?”

“Like what.”

“It’s too irrational.”

“So, like what.”

“I have a six-year-old sibling at home. She needs her mother.”

“If you commit a crime, you must be punished. Your father is something else, I hear. Since the ones getting caught are all big fish, our team is really excited right now.”

“……Why are you doing this?”

“I want to get serious. With you.”

Hae-won lifted his chin defiantly towards him, who was looking down threateningly.

“I don’t have even a speck of such a thought.”

“Will you move aside?”

Hae-won didn’t move aside and stood blocking the door. He sighed and grabbed Hae-won’s arm to move it aside. His body was pushed aside with a disappointingly easy force. When he pressed the door lock number, it unlocked. He opened the door halfway and said.

“It’s cold outside. Are you coming in?”

“Release Father and Stepmother.”

“Or will you shiver all night out there?”

“If not Father, at least release Stepmother. What does that woman know.”

“It’s not that simple. I can’t just arrest someone on an emergency basis and then release them as I please. That’s the law in this country. Do you think I’m the president? Even the president can’t do as he pleases with the law.”

“Then what are you going to do?”

“Come in first. Let’s talk inside.”

He grabbed Hae-won’s wrist, which didn’t want to go in. Powerless against the pulling force, Hae-won was dragged in.

His officetel inside was clean. The white sheets on the bed were stretched straight, not tolerating a single wrinkle. If it weren’t for the many books filling one wall, it wouldn’t be strange to call it a hotel rather than an officetel. It was a space with almost no smell of human habitation.

Hyun Woo-jin, who had left Hae-won standing at the entrance, took off his coat and hung it on a hanger. He spoke to him, who was standing without moving a muscle.

“Take off your shoes and come up. It’s not like anyone’s running away.”

There was no reason for Hyun Woo-jin to run away, nor for himself to run away. Hae-won took off his shoes and stepped into his space.

Hyun Woo-jin walked to the kitchen and turned on the electric kettle. Soon, hot steam rose. He handed Hae-won a mug with a steeping green tea teabag. When he didn’t take it, he didn’t insist further and placed it on the dining table.

As if he had been exhausted from a day of intense work dealing with Hae-won’s father, he rubbed his shoulders and neck with his hands tiredly and pulled off his necktie. He unfastened about two shirt buttons. The actions of loosening what had been tightly fastened continued, unconcerned with Hae-won’s presence. Through the window stretching behind him like a backdrop, the headlight beams of cars running on the bridge flickered faintly.

“Tell me why you’re doing this.”

“Are you ready to listen to others? I’m asking if you’re ready to take it in.”

He asked, tapping his own temple.

“So, you’re saying this is an act to fix my habits?”

“Did you think I wouldn’t know you blatantly brought that bastard in and spread your legs for him?”

“What does that have to do with you. Whatever others do.”

“It’s because Mr. Moon Hae-won ignores me, so I’m making it impossible to ignore.”

“……”

“Have you seen something like that? An elementary school boy pulls the hair of the girl he likes, ruins her supplies, scribbles on the skirt she cherishes most. Then the girl will chase after that boy this time, right? Whether crying or angry. Anyway, she’ll chase after him, even if she has to crawl on all fours.”

His enunciation in response was as precise as an announcer’s. He put emphasis on important words, paused on parts he wanted to stress. It was a tone trained to pressure the other.

“If that girl had paid attention, he wouldn’t have gone that far. Right?”

“I clearly said I didn’t want to. Getting involved with you, I said I didn’t want to.”

“But what can I do? I’ve come to want to get involved. I really hated how Mr. Moon Hae-won took off his clothes in front of another man without any integrity. To the point where I wanted to smash that bastard to pieces.”

“What are you going to do by getting involved with me? What are you going to do with me?”

What can we do?

Words he couldn’t bring himself to ask surged up Hae-won’s throat.

“Well.”

He picked up the mug Hae-won hadn’t drunk from and had some tea. He watched Hae-won while drinking tea. His lips touched the rim of the mug. The rippling tea seeped into his lips that had licked his own lips. As if he had sucked his own saliva, what he had held in his mouth made his Adam’s apple quiver and go down his esophagus.

“Shall we date, or something?”

At his words and the gaze meticulously scanning his face, Hae-won’s heart sank with a thud. Hae-won shook his head. The head that had shaken once or twice soon shook vehemently.

“No. Not even because of Tae-shin. I will never, ever do it with you.”

As honestly as he could possibly be, Hae-won spoke his true feelings.

“That kid is dead. He’s been dead for a while.”

Hyun Woo-jin didn’t even care. He was indifferent to how Hae-won felt now, how the dead Tae-shin felt. He just seemed to have set a goal and was blindly heading towards it.

“Do you think I don’t know you played with him and killed him? Do you think I don’t know you’re trying to use me like that?”

As if finding his protesting self cute, Hyun Woo-jin smiled a worldly, mocking smile. He approached Hae-won. Hae-won stepped back as if retreating. A cold wall touched his back. There was nowhere to retreat, nowhere to run.

With a dizzying gap, the man gradually reduced the number of steps. A faint body scent was detectable from him, who had come close. Hae-won lifted his head in rough defiance towards him.

“I didn’t play with him. I was sincere back then.”

“Don’t lie.”

“Do you want to call the dead person and ask if it’s a lie or not?”

“What was so good about Tae-shin.”

“Why, do you think Lee Tae-shin has so little charm that you can’t believe I slept with him sincerely? You’re the one subtly looking down on Lee Tae-shin while making someone else the bad guy.”

“……”

“Why did you sleep with that bastard. Why with that idiot who takes parents’ money through backdoor deals. What attracted you.”

Leaning his arm against the wall, he lowered his head and persistently made eye contact as he asked. It wasn’t a question; it was like the growl of a beast.

“He bought me bread.”

“……”

“I was starving to death, and he bought me bread.”

He genuinely contorted his brow as if it was absurd.

“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard recently.”

Hae-won looked at him distantly and asked.

“Did Tae-shin buy you bread?”

“……No. He gave me sincerity. Unlike you, he was honest and innocent.”

“……”

Tae-shin had no charm. His personality was shabby, his low self-esteem made people uneasy. His actions were like that too. Even after being used, he didn’t even know he was being used.

Hyun Woo-jin wasn’t lying. He might have wanted to hold Tae-shin, who honestly and innocently staked everything and showed sincerity, at that moment. He might have been sincere at that time. He wanted to think so. He had to.

The lips that had been gazing steadily at Hae-won, standing blankly, approached. Hae-won avoided his lips coming closer to kiss. He turned his head away. He looked over his shoulder. Hyun Woo-jin’s hand grabbed Hae-won’s cheek and forcibly turned it. Made him look at him. Hae-won had no choice but to meet his eyes again.

The matte black forest approaching without a gap.

Eyes that seemed like darkness devouring darkness, like predatory darkness. A carnivore that swallowed all surrounding light, a man was a carnivore Hae-won couldn’t handle. He whispered as if coaxing Hae-won.

“I’ll buy you bread.”

“……Will you release them?”

“That can’t be done.”

“Release them. I’ll tell them to pay a lot of taxes, so release them.”

“Taxes aren’t my jurisdiction.”

“Release them.”

Hae-won pleaded into his eyes. To release them, Hae-jeong needs a mother, whether a good one or a bad one. As for Father, we can tell him to handle it himself, and I can work and support myself. I can give up the violin and live.

But Hae-jeong was only six years old now. Hae-won couldn’t take responsibility, and the housekeeper couldn’t either.

Hae-won was afraid of that young thing relying on him. He was afraid of the weight and body temperature transmitted through his whole body when he held that young thing. Hae-won’s own mind was too immature to make a mere six-year-old child understand the sense of loss from not having a mother.

Hyun Woo-jin, who had been watching Hae-won’s trembling lips for a while, unable to beg any further, took out the phone he had tucked in his back pocket.

Hae-won placed his hand on his shoulder. He made a call somewhere. Hyun Woo-jin held a black phone to his ear, gazing alternately at Hae-won’s hand embracing his shoulder and his face.

“It’s me. How’s the investigation on Moon Woo-sik going? Yeah. Who’s handling it now? Stop and release him. I know it’s unreasonable. That’s why I’m telling you to release him. Right now. You bastard, why do you care whose complaint it is? It’s my order. Yeah. Release him immediately and escort him home. Report when it’s done.”

Hyun Woo-jin gave a command in a tone far rougher than usual, then hung up. He placed the phone on a nearby shelf.

“Your father’s name is Moon Woo-sik, right?”

Hae-won nodded.

“They’ll release him now.”

“Earlier you said it was impossible. You said even if the president came, it wouldn’t happen.”

“What’s this supposed to mean, knowing it’s impossible?”

Hyun Woo-jin gestured with his chin toward Hae-won’s hand resting on his shoulder. Hae-won wrapped his arm around his neck, pressed his lips against his, and whispered.

“You promised to buy me bread……”

He kissed him frantically. As he retreated a few steps, his body slumped heavily onto a dining chair. Hae-won climbed onto his lap. He grabbed Hyun Woo-jin’s cheeks and twisted his lips. Hot breaths scattered.

He teased and sucked the tongue that had held green tea. His hands slid down Hae-won’s buttocks and waist. Each knuckle pressed with such force it hurt the flesh being squeezed. Thoughts unraveled messily, and exhaled breaths tangled even more chaotically. It was a desperate gesture, as if the reason he had waited so long outside his officetel door wasn’t for his father’s release but for this kiss with him.

His heart pounded like a drum. He caressed the sharp jawline and neck of Hyun Woo-jin, who had lifted his face fully. It was firm and strong. Hyun Woo-jin sucked Hae-won’s lower lip as if inhaling it.

“Mmm… hng……”

Soft flesh brushed against his lips. He pulled Hae-won’s tongue and sucked it with lewd grinding.

Hae-won’s consciousness and subconsciousness were entirely sold to the kiss with him. His hand slipped under the clothes, stroking bare skin upward. Hae-won urgently pulled his lips away. Gasping for breath, he looked down at him.

“Haa, what are you doing?”

“Huh? I put my hand under your clothes.”

“Don’t touch.”

“How am I supposed to touch without using my hands?”

“Anyway, don’t touch. Don’t put your hand in.”

“Then how far can I touch?”

“Don’t touch anything.”

“Haa, fine.”

He withdrew the hand he had pushed under Hae-won’s clothes. As if surrendering, he showed both palms and let them hang limp. His arms drooped loosely beside the chair.

The problem was that his hands were warm. His palms held a cozy temperature, enough to hatch an egg abandoned by its mother if cupped. If such hands touched bare skin, emotions would spill uncontrollably, impossible to gather back.

Grabbing the cheeks of the man who had let his arms hang as if promising not to touch, Hae-won pressed his lips again. Tilting his head, they locked at a precise angle. Heat seeped in, making his bones tingle. He rubbed and licked the ticklish skin. Swallowed the breath he exhaled. Stroked the area under the chin that cats love. Languidly licked the roof of his mouth and rubbed the damp mucous membrane. When he finally pulled away after a long, lingering kiss, Hyun Woo-jin’s eyes opened.

Those eyes soon narrowed in dissatisfaction. The eye shape looked as if drawn. As Hae-won stared intently and reached to touch with his hand, he spoke. Hae-won’s hand, about to touch his eye area, halted.

“I’m not a minor.”

It was unclear whether he was criticizing the baby-like kiss or referring to his own two hands hanging down as if bound by something invisible.

“Either raise the level or untie my arms.”

“Don’t raise the level and don’t touch.”

“What confidence. Do you think I’ll indulge you that far?”

“Then stop. Your subordinate must have released my father by now.”

As Hae-won tried to get off his lap, Hyun Woo-jin’s hand grabbed his waist with a thud, preventing movement.

“Fine. Got it.”

“……”

“I said I got it.”

He removed his hand. Letting them hang to the floor, he looked at Hae-won.

Sitting on his thigh, Hae-won looked down at Hyun Woo-jin’s face anew. It felt like the first time seeing it this close and in detail. Tae-shin had said many things about his appearance but hadn’t commented on his eyes. Or perhaps Hae-won had listened carelessly and missed it.

He recalled an art museum catalog he’d seen in the library while attending cram school. It was a portrait of someone who lived about five hundred years ago. Even after five hundred years, something distant seemed to emanate from the portrait’s eyes. As if alive and breathing.

A color so deep it rendered that span of time meaningless was now before his eyes. Staring into his eyes for a long time, a dizzying sensation of falling, as if being sucked into a sinkhole, washed over him. He slowly stroked his cheek. Fortunately, the skin wasn’t as warm as his hands.

“I’m tired, so don’t dawdle. You can stare at my face all you want later.”

A low voice spoke indifferently.

“It’s not handsome enough to stare at.”

“Then don’t look like you’re entranced.”

“……You’re annoying.”

“I know. I’m annoying.”

Hae-won tilted his head toward Hyun Woo-jin, who shrugged his eyebrows. He took his lips. The two hands hanging below the chair clenched into fists as if restraining themselves. Holding the cheek that followed his lead, Hae-won swallowed his breath.

Hae-won opened tired eyes. The area around his eyes felt stiff. He blinked his heavily opened eyes for a while.

Where is this……?

He slowly sat up. His body was lying on a bed. Bedding without a single wrinkle, like hotel sheets, covered him, and outside the window, the midday sun was high.

It was Hyun Woo-jin’s officetel. Last night came back to him. He had sat on his lap and kissed Hyun Woo-jin. Holding the face of the man with his arms hanging loose, for a long time, quite a long time, maybe over an hour, or about two hours? They had kissed for so long it was hard to gauge time.

As if proving that memory wasn’t an exaggeration or false, his lips were slightly swollen. It felt like he’d been burned. Touching his lips, he felt a warm heat and pain.

After kissing like that until his strength gave out, Hae-won slumped on his lap. Despite being told not to touch, Hyun Woo-jin lifted and held Hae-won. Even while moving somewhere, they didn’t part lips. He didn’t want to separate. Perhaps Hyun Woo-jin felt the same, as when he laid Hae-won on the bed, he pressed his lips back after briefly parting.

He hadn’t touched Hae-won’s body. Vaguely, he remembered the man supporting his weight on his elbows over the bed. It seemed they had fallen asleep just like that, after a long, ticklish kiss licking each other’s mucous membranes.

It was the first time he had kissed someone that long, and the first time spending a night with someone only kissing without doing anything else.

Hae-won got off the bed. Hyun Woo-jin was nowhere in sight. The clock on the wall showed eleven in the morning. He washed his face and put on the jacket hanging on the dining chair.

Something was on the table that had been empty last night. It was bread, likely bought from the convenience store on the first floor of the building. A single peanut cream sandwich sat alone. Hae-won picked it up and left Hyun Woo-jin’s officetel.

He called his father. He was with a lawyer. He claimed he had been politically used. Father was a hometown friend of an opposition party member and had contributed substantial political funds to him. Last night, he was sent home without even hearing the reason and didn’t know when he might be summoned again. Father told Hae-won not to go out and to come home since he was anxious. After ending the call with his father, Hae-won hailed a taxi. Sitting in the back seat, he unwrapped and nibbled on the cheap peanut cream sandwich. Each time, his lips, pressed together, hurt.

∞ ∞ ∞

Hae-won sat on the bed watching TV. It was a wildlife documentary. A snake was swallowing a small rodent it had coiled around and suffocated, crunching flesh and bones. The snake swallowing the rodent bulged below its head. Hae-won’s eyes blankly watched the horrifying yet undeniable law of nature.

There was no survival method as desperate and raw as carnivory. One had to kill something to fill a hungry stomach. If someone didn’t die, one had to starve. Hae-won didn’t know whether to condemn or encourage such carnivory.

His phone rang. Glancing at the screen, it was Hyun Woo-jin. Without touching the phone or giving it any attention, Hae-won blankly watched the snake taking a long time to swallow its prey. The ringing stopped. A few minutes later, the entrance bell rang.

He turned his head. The entrance door was tightly shut. The bell rang again. Only then did Hae-won get up from the bed, unlock, and open the door. It was past midnight.

Hyun Woo-jin stood outside. He lifted the bag in his hand. It was the same bag from the nearby bakery as the one Senior Choi had bought.

“Answer your phone. Didn’t we agree you’d listen to me from now on?”

“I don’t answer calls after midnight.”

“But you open the door for someone who visits after midnight?”

Hae-won left the door open and turned away. Turning off the TV with the remote, the faint sound disappeared, and the surroundings fell silent.

Hyun Woo-jin came inside. He tossed the bag onto the table. Taking off his jacket and hanging it on the chair back, he grabbed Hae-won’s arm as he turned away as if avoiding him. Pulling without hurting. Hae-won let himself be led as he guided.

He plopped down on Hae-won’s bed. Hyun Woo-jin looked up at Hae-won, awkwardly held in his hand.

“What’s the password?”

“Why are you asking for someone else’s house password?”

“Didn’t I tell you I’m six years older than you?”

“I heard it last time, so no need to emphasize.”

“You’re going to keep using informal speech?”

“I’m six years younger than you. You use informal speech with me too.”

“Seems I need to teach you some common sense.”

In an instant, he grabbed Hae-won and pushed him onto the bed. Covering him as if taking control. There was no excess in his actions. Because there was no hesitation or reluctance.

Perched on top, he brushed aside Hae-won’s disheveled hair, fully exposing his forehead.

“What’s the password?”

“Why do you want to know someone else’s house password?”

“I don’t want to wake you up if you’re sleeping.”

It meant he intended to come at such hours often. That he would barge in whenever he wanted and leave whenever he pleased.

“86523.”

Hae-won obediently gave the password. Only the last digit differed from the previous number. Hyun Woo-jin, who knew the old password, frowned as soon as he heard Hae-won’s answer.

“What’s your house password?”

Hae-won asked for his officetel password.

“86523.”

“……”

It was exactly the same as Hae-won’s number. When he looked up in surprise, his lips curved into an arc.

“I’ll change mine to match. You can come whenever you want. But call first. Since I’m rarely here, don’t come for nothing and waste a trip.”

“You think I’ll go?”

“Yeah, don’t come. Since I’ll come. You just wait here for me like this every day.”

He thought he was a playboy. His words about changing his officetel password to match his own sounded sincere. He wondered if he said such pleasing things to everyone.

His indifferent affection must be a pain no different from torture for those who liked him. The kindness he showed was poison, and the generosity he bestowed was a whip on skinned wounds. It must have been especially so for Tae-shin.

He gazed up at him intently. Though he had never said it, Hae-won knew quite a lot about him.

“I saw you at a hotel.”

He stared at Hae-won as if asking what he meant.

“What hotel?”

“A while ago. In summer.”

“……”

His brows slightly furrowed as he searched his memory. Back when he was meeting a woman at the hotel, he was also seeing Tae-shin. He didn’t seem sincere with either. Being too exceptional, disregarding others came naturally to him, and it seemed a hierarchical relationship where those on the receiving end accepted it as normal.

“Ahh, that palm-sized swimsuit.”

Finally recalling Hae-won after searching his memory, Hyun Woo-jin examined Hae-won’s face anew. As if amazed, as if amused.

“If you’d kicked a little harder, it would’ve come off.”

He almost mentioned seeing him with a woman but stopped. Hyun Woo-jin didn’t deny being in such a relationship with Tae-shin. Didn’t even bother making excuses.

His fiancée had committed suicide five years ago, and Hae-won’s friend who liked him also committed suicide. An uncomfortable coincidence. Those who liked and loved him left like that upon turning twenty-nine. Like the rodent eaten by the snake earlier, they too had been devoured by him.

Perhaps because he lost his fiancée that way.

Hyun Woo-jin lived recklessly, unable to settle anywhere. Trying not to settle with anyone. Hae-won knew he too was just a tool for him. The time and effort he invested in him were likely because being ignored by him bothered him. His affection was merely a means to an end.

Hae-won could also use him for some purpose. He had the confidence too. But it was a first. Spending a night together without anything happening was a first, and kissing, locking lips that long was a first. That premise of “first” felt excessively ominous.

His lowering lips touched Hae-won’s. When the flesh sucked by him all night was pressed, a pain that made his face contort arose. Hae-won wrapped both arms around his firm nape and embraced his shoulders. The short hair on Hyun Woo-jin’s nape tickled Hae-won’s fingers. A languid moan gathering in his throat leaked through his lips.

After kissing for a while, Hyun Woo-jin’s hand, which had been touching his face, moved downward. Lifted the bottom of the knitwear. His hand groped up Hae-won’s bare skin. Touched his side and brushed his chest. When his palm grazed a nipple, Hae-won’s upper body, which had shown no reaction, flinched. Hyun Woo-jin suddenly pulled his lips away from Hae-won, who wasn’t resisting. Hae-won swallowed his saliva pooled in his mouth.

“It’s okay to touch, right?”

“……You ask about every little thing while doing it?”

“I think you told me not to touch yesterday. As if I’m some minor.”

Even his warm hands with their warmth were ultimately just tools for a purpose. His body was optimized for achieving that purpose.

Striking looks, lips and tongue skilled at kissing, sweet saliva. A low voice that shook the heart when heard from behind, and even hands so warm tears might come if touched. He even possessed habitual consideration as if ingrained.

He was arguably the most outstanding among the men Hae-won had met so far. The unexperienced male lower part was also obviously the most excellent among them.

Whatever his thoughts, however long such feelings might last, once he achieved his purpose, he would discard Hae-won without regret, just as he had with Tae-shin. Worrying about such things was a dirty feeling.

Tae-shin went through this every time.

This dirty feeling……

“I don’t want to do such things while teaching someone six years older.”

“Sounds like you’re telling me to figure it out myself.”

“……”

He had tried not to get entangled with the person his friend who committed suicide had a crush on, but Hae-won was ultimately about to spread his legs before him. For him, it was a natural progression. Ultimately, that was how it should be. Everything went according to his intentions. Hae-won crawled to him on all fours, first embracing his shoulders. Indulged in his lips for an immeasurable time.

Hyun Woo-jin quietly gazed into Hae-won’s eyes, lying there as if telling him to help himself, then kissed him again. Kissing, Hae-won wrapped his arms around his neck. Yielded flesh to the grinding lips and tongue. Licking his tongue and lightly sucking, as Hae-won pulled his into his mouth, Hyun Woo-jin suddenly pulled his lips away and lifted his head.

“I told you not to take off your clothes so shamelessly.”

“Haa……”

Hae-won barely suppressed his rising breath. He looked at him with a face that said he didn’t understand what he was talking about.

“Do you think I’m doing this because I want to fuck you once?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Are you trying to spread your legs for me like you do for anyone else?”

“……”

“Am I wrong?”

Hae-won was growing more and more perplexed. If that wasn’t it, he wanted to ask what exactly he was doing. The fiancée who died five years ago, the friend he slept with out of pity, the people he swapped out like accessories and met at hotels. To him, Hae-won must be no different from them.

“You said you do it for anyone, so do it for me too.”

“I’m not just anyone.”

“……You are. You’re the most ‘anyone’ of them all.”

He refused to acknowledge his objectivity. Whether it was due to some misplaced loyalty to a friend, or a desire to blindly avoid an unfamiliar emotion out of fear, even Hae-won himself didn’t know. One thing was clear: a resolute determination was taking root in Hae-won, a resolve not to become daily sustenance for that carnivore, not to end up like Lee Tae-shin or his fiancée who was devoured by the dark forest.

Hyun Woo-jin let out a sigh. His eyes, which had been swirling with deep regret and hesitation, suddenly cooled as if transformed. He raised his upper body. His hand left Hae-won’s body. He swept back his hair and got up from the bed.

Hae-won, still in the disheveled state Woo-jin had left him in, followed the trajectory of his movements with his gaze. Woo-jin looked down at him lying on the bed, quietly waiting to be done to.

“I have to go.”

The words were unexpected. It hadn’t even been ten, no, twenty minutes since he arrived.

Hae-won sluggishly sat up, propping himself up. As if to prove the words weren’t a lie, Hyun Woo-jin put on the jacket he had draped over the chair.

“Answer your phone. Even if it’s past midnight, if you’re awake, answer it.”

“……You’re leaving?”

“Just dropped by.”

“Why?”

“To check if what happened yesterday was a dream or just my own delusion.”

“Why just leave?”

“…….”

It was bewildering. No one had ever left him like this. No one had ever turned their back on him while he lay in bed waiting for someone’s touch. That was the nature of men as Hae-won knew them.

He was genuinely baffled by Woo-jin’s self-control, his ability to turn away without sating the soaring desire. As Hae-won stared with disbelief that such a thing was possible, Woo-jin smiled with just his lips as if finding him cute.

“I’m not in the mood, so I’m just leaving.”

He adjusted his clothes, pulling down the shirt sleeve that had ridden up inside his jacket arm.

“You let me touch you.”

“…….”

Hae-won clutched the edge of the sheet and looked at him. Hyun Woo-jin approached Hae-won, who was just blinking. Hae-won lifted his head toward him.

“I don’t accept charity given like alms to a beggar. Looking at me like that won’t work. It’s ineffective. If I was just going to mess around a few times and stop, I wouldn’t have come here at all.”

“…….”

“You think I don’t know you use sleeping with someone once to shut up guys who bother you?”

“That’s not it.”

“It was. If you’d just refused to let me touch you like last night, I would have had you today no matter what you said. I would have done you until that pretty voice was hoarse and you couldn’t speak for days.”

He was saying things that made no sense. Their eyes met.

“When you feel like you want to cling to me. That’s when you take it off. That’s what integrity is.”

That feeling had actually started when he hid Hae-won behind his back and blocked Lee Jin-young. Hae-won didn’t say he already had such feelings.

Without saying anything more to Hae-won, who was looking up blankly, Hyun Woo-jin just left the officetel.

∞ ∞ ∞

Due to Senior Choi’s absence, the Han-gyeong Symphony was short on violinists, and Hae-won was fortunate enough to rejoin. It was thanks to one of the ragtag groups he had temporarily joined not long ago when he needed money, who had actively recommended him. He could only rejoin after going through a blind audition with other candidates.

Having a regular income, even if small, was encouraging. Having gone through all sorts of hardships after his father cut off support, Hae-won humbly resolved, based on experience, to deposit all his income into savings, and he also frequently took cash advances from his father’s card and put that into his savings account as well.

The orchestra had a tight rehearsal schedule ahead of its regular performance. Henry Chang had been booked as the guest soloist. He was scheduled to return to the country a few days before the performance. Hae-won could only leave the practice room when it was pitch dark outside.

Since the concert hall was in an out-of-the-way location, almost all the members drove, and Hae-won was the only one using public transportation. The members exiting the concert hall all headed to the underground parking lot. Hae-won got off the elevator first and passed through the dark, unlit lobby alone. The sound of his footsteps clacking in the dark echoed eerily.

As Hae-won headed toward the taxi stand, he turned his head at the sound of a horn. Woo-jin’s gray car was parked.

He counted how many days it had been. He hadn’t answered his calls. Not because he wasn’t ready to listen to him, but because he was in rehearsal. If he hadn’t been in rehearsal, he might have answered, but Woo-jin only called during rehearsals as if on purpose. He saw his number appear as a missed call, but Hae-won didn’t contact him.

The gray car stopped in front of Hae-won. The window didn’t budge. It seemed like a signal to just get in if he knew it was him. Hae-won opened the passenger door and got into his car. Woo-jin took his violin case and placed it in the back seat.

“Why aren’t you answering your phone? I’m not so free that I can keep my phone glued to my ear just to talk to you.”

“I don’t answer calls during rehearsal.”

“I called several times.”

“I was in rehearsal every time.”

“…….”

He didn’t press further. He didn’t seem to think Hae-won was lying. Hae-won had never told him he had rejoined the Han-gyeong Symphony. Their relationship wasn’t the kind where they shared such mundane daily details.

He wondered how Woo-jin knew where he was, what time he finished, what time he came out, and how he knew to show up here, but he didn’t ask.

As he silently looked out the window, something took his hand. Hae-won turned his head. He saw Woo-jin’s resolute profile as he focused on driving ahead. His right hand took Hae-won’s left hand and held it. When Hae-won tried to pull his hand away, Woo-jin interlocked their fingers. He held on tight so he couldn’t escape. Hae-won looked at him with suspicious eyes.

He asked.

“Your gloves.”

“Lost them.”

Actually, one of the members, upon seeing the brand of Hae-won’s gloves, had tried them on without even asking. Gloves weren’t the kind of thing you shared with others. They felt somewhat stretched, and it seemed like someone else’s scent had seeped into them, so Hae-won just told him to keep them. Unaware that Hae-won was cursing him inwardly, the member grinned happily, pleased to have a luxury item even if it was used by someone else.

“Take better care of your things. Your hands are cold.”

His hand overlapping Hae-won’s cold hand was warm. It held warmth. He continued driving while holding Hae-won’s hand. Having transferred his warmth, Hae-won’s hand had also become warm, but Woo-jin didn’t unclasp their fingers.

The car stopped at a skyline overlooking Seoul’s nightscape. Still not letting go of Hae-won’s hand, he shifted the gear to park. Holding his hand, Hae-won looked at the nightscape spread before them.

A view worth making time to see unfolded. No matter how he tried to fit it together, coming to see the night view while holding someone’s hand didn’t suit Woo-jin. Hae-won also had no taste for such things. He looked at him with a silent protest, wondering why they were doing something that made them both awkward.

“Don’t look at my face, look at the night view. I brought you here to see the night view.”

His eyes captured the nightscape of the skyline. Hae-won looked down at his own hand interlocked with his. Then he turned his eyes to the night view.

The city viewed from high up glittered like jewels, to use a clichéd expression. It was a sight he could see from his officetel window, but the city seen from farther away, from higher up, looking smaller, sparkled far more densely and transparently, like a world from a fairy tale, than the view from his own window.

After gazing outside for a long while, Hae-won felt a gaze and turned his head. Woo-jin was looking at him. They were still holding hands. When Hae-won tried to pull his hand free, a mischievous force held it down. As if giving up, Hae-won just relaxed his strength, letting him have his way. Only then did Woo-jin hold his hand comfortably.

It was an unsettling sensation. He had said he wanted to date. The fact that it seemed sincere made it even more unsettling.

Hae-won wasn’t an idiot who couldn’t distinguish sincerity from falsehood like Tae-shin. Just as he misunderstood Hae-won as Tae-shin’s friend, that arrogant man was mistakenly thinking that if he treated Hae-won similarly to Tae-shin, Hae-won would like him with his whole body without looking down on him. He didn’t know Hae-won at all, not even close.

“How many people have you dated so far?”

At Hae-won’s question, his face looked flabbergasted.

“Do people actually count those things one by one? Is that what kids these days do?”

Despite being only six years older, he spoke as if he were quite an old-timer. Instead of answering the question, Woo-jin skillfully turned it back on him.

“How many have you dated?”

“Never counted. Too many. Even using all my fingers and toes wouldn’t be enough.”

“I don’t believe you.”

It wasn’t a lie. It was the truth. Hae-won bristled and looked at him.

“It’s true.”

“Then why are you acting so awkward just holding hands?”

“…….”

It was because he had never done such a thing. When eyes met, they mixed bodies; he didn’t do things like holding hands in a car and looking at night views.

“I’m busy, so it’ll be hard to meet often.”

The man who had come to his officetel late at night had laid Hae-won on the bed, done nothing, and left. That night was already several days ago.

If Woo-jin’s number hadn’t appeared on Hae-won’s phone, he might have thought Woo-jin had ended their meetings without any notice, as Hae-won usually did with people he wanted to cut off after such incidents. Coincidentally, Woo-jin had called during rehearsal and he hadn’t answered, but anyway, the gap of a few days without seeing each other wasn’t a hint of ending the relationship with Woo-jin.

“I’ll come when I have time.”

“Do as you please.”

At Hae-won’s indifferent response, he just smiled quietly. Keeping the held hand as it was, his other hand momentarily moved toward Hae-won’s face. Even seeing the hand approaching, Hae-won remained still. He was going to pull Hae-won’s cheek and kiss him.

He knew the next sequence all too well. While kissing, he would cross over to his side, and the seatback would recline. His heart would lurch at the seatback reclining without warning, but this time he was determined not to let that happen. He wouldn’t be surprised, and he wouldn’t stiffen even if his center of gravity suddenly collapsed.

As Hae-won mentally prepared and calculated such things, his hand overturned expectations and patted the top of Hae-won’s head. With a touch like petting a dog or cat. Hae-won raised his eyes in astonishment. He continued stroking Hae-won’s head.

“You’re cuter than I thought.”

“…….”

The affection was excessive, making him look like a fool. He didn’t even seem the type to be good at such things, but Woo-jin’s hand stroked Hae-won’s head quite naturally and then moved away.

Through Lee Jin-young, Woo-jin knew in detail how Hae-won had related to others so far.

Hae-won could have slept with him many times. He could have slept with him without putting on this mismatched act of affection.

“What are you doing? Who are you trying to act like a college kid for?”

Even kids these days didn’t do such things. With an appearance and age that weren’t fresh, he was acting fresh.

“Don’t take your clothes off in front of other guys. If you can promise that, I’ll hold you then.”

“Who’s asking to be held?”

“I won’t do it before you ask first.”

“That won’t happen.”

“You’ll ask first.”

As if playing a game, Woo-jin intended to play with his psychology.

“I might never feel like taking my clothes off in front of you.”

“You will. I’ll make it happen.”

He said it was natural for that to happen, so knocking Hae-won down was no big deal.

The inside of the car was warm from the heater. The turtleneck wrapped around his neck suddenly felt stifling. Hae-won grabbed the cashmere at his neck, stretched it, and twisted once, asking him to let go of his hand. He didn’t let go. Eventually, after enjoying the night view to his heart’s content and as drowsiness and fatigue began to creep in, Woo-jin turned the car around and took him back to the officetel.

“Say things like ‘spread your legs for me’ or ‘don’t overdo it because it’s not serious.’ This kind of behavior is awkward. Or go arrest my father again.”

Hae-won said to him as he parked the car in the parking lot. It was a course that overly emphasized that what they were doing was dating.

As Hae-won got out of the car, he followed. Woo-jin reached out his hand asking for the violin case, but Hae-won refused. Although the wooden case was quite heavy, even on days when he didn’t feel well and it felt heavier, he had never entrusted his violin to someone else’s hands. Before and after, there was no such thing as entrusting his violin to someone else’s hands.

Now, going up to the officetel and setting the mood, Woo-jin had said he would do it if Hae-won asked first, but he would ask first. No, the politeness of ‘asking’ didn’t suit him. If he was used to playing with people, he would somehow create the mood, kiss, and naturally take off his clothes. Before his hands took them off, Hae-won inwardly vowed he wouldn’t take off his clothes himself first. A useless stubbornness was arising.

They got off the elevator and walked together to the door. As Hae-won tried to press the door lock number, he turned Hae-won around. Leaning his back against the door, Hae-won looked up at him.

“Answer your phone sometimes. You know it’ll show as a missed call. Did you save my number?”

“I don’t do that.”

“If you save it, you won’t not answer because you don’t know whose call it is.”

“If it’s a call I should answer, I’ll answer.”

“I have to go.”

He used the words ‘I have to go’ again this time. It meant he would just leave like this. It meant he had bothered to take the elevator and come all the way up here just to bring Hae-won to his officetel door. It was a useless act.

Woo-jin’s warm hand stroked Hae-won’s cheek, which was looking at him full of suspicion. Conscious of the empty hallway, Hae-won avoided his hand.

“There’s CCTV here.”

“It doesn’t film here. I checked.”

“When did you check?”

“Just knew by instinct.”

As Hae-won was about to tell him not to talk nonsense, he tilted his head and overlapped his lips with Hae-won’s. When his lips met another’s, Hae-won’s eyes automatically closed. It wasn’t specifically because it was Woo-jin that his eyes closed.

They were lips with a moderate, appropriate speed and pressure, neither fast nor slow. Hae-won lifted his face slightly, kissing him while embracing Woo-jin’s shoulders. He closed his eyes and immersed himself in Woo-jin’s lips. His lips and tongue stirred sensitive, peripheral sensations.

Woo-jin thought only he was good at kissing. Hae-won had also never heard that he was bad at it anywhere. Not gently, but just enough to confuse him, he stimulated and sucked him in.

“Mmm……”

Hae-won deliberately let out a weak moan. He lightly bit and sucked Woo-jin’s lower lip. Woo-jin changed his posture slightly and bowed his head further. Hae-won stroked the nape of his bowed neck. With his other hand, he swept over Woo-jin’s shoulder, down his arm, and grabbed his forearm. As Hae-won moved his body, the violin case slung over his shoulder clattered and hit the wall. Pulling his hand, Hae-won made him wrap it around his own waist.

If you can just leave, then go ahead and try, Hae-won actively kissed him back. He could feel the lips kissing him curve into a smile.

As Woo-jin slowly pulled away, he distinctly felt the tongue that had been lingering in his mouth slip out between their lips. Hae-won looked up at him with hazy, distant eyes.

Even like this, are you just going to leave? The mood is so good like this, kissing feels this good. As a physically healthy adult male, he had shared contact with him that couldn’t just be cut off and walked away from coldly. Hae-won licked his wet lips with his tongue. He blinked slowly and languidly.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“…….”

“Say it with words. Don’t use your body.”

“…….”

“You’d rather die than say it with words, right?”

“…….”

“Go in. You must be tired.”

He removed his hand from Hae-won’s waist and stood straight. Adjusting his jacket, which had nothing to be disheveled, he turned to leave.

“You’re just leaving?”

The head that was about to turn looked toward Hae-won standing there flabbergasted.

“You’re not going in, you’re just leaving?”

“…….”

He drew a breath deep into his abdomen and slowly exhaled. His chest swelled and deflated along the trajectory of his breath. As if making an extremely difficult decision, he gazed at Hae-won with deep contemplation before finally turning away.

“Sleep well.”

He said.

Hae-won began receiving his calls. He often missed them because he couldn’t answer during rehearsals, or because he deliberately set his phone to vibrate or turned it off when he wanted to focus. But in other situations, he answered.

When he took a break from work to smoke or had a spare moment while moving somewhere, he would call Hae-won. The conversations were generally trivial. Hae-won inherently disliked the very act of holding a phone to talk to someone. Fortunately, the other man seemed busy too, as calls never lasted more than five minutes.

But calls that came past one or two in the morning were different. Answering the phone in bed right before falling asleep wasn’t as bothersome, perhaps because he wasn’t doing anything, and he didn’t dislike it much either. The sound of his voice over the phone played a part too.

When that voice, which had threatened Lee Jin-young with Hae-won hidden behind him, asked seriously about his day’s schedule, Hae-won would ask him who he had tormented today.

Even at this late hour, he was mostly working. When asked where he was, the answer was always the office, and the faint sounds of papers being shuffled or distant fax tones and phone rings seeped through the call.

“When do you get off work? Do you even get off work?”

―I don’t. Last time you slept at my officetel, I got off work, didn’t I?

That was already a while ago.

“When do you change clothes? Do you sleep?”

―Why, are you going to put me to bed?

“When do you sleep?”

―Are you worried?

The workload was murderous. Hae-won recalled the piles of documents stacked like mountains on his desk, so many it was doubtful he even read them all. The value of Hyun Woo-jin’s time was incomparable to Hae-won’s. It made sense why he kept bringing up time to pressure Hae-won.

“I’m asking out of curiosity. It’s amazing that a person can live like that.”

―You get used to it as you go.

The sound of rustling papers, as if he was flipping through documents, came through. Hae-won’s soundproofed officetel was naturally quiet, but the surroundings on Hyun Woo-jin’s end of the phone were also silent.

Hae-won imagined him sitting at his desk with only a desk lamp on, working until this late hour. Unknowingly, Hae-won was starting to think like Tae-shin. He pictured him in his mind and became curious about what he was doing even when they weren’t on the phone. It was a bad sign.

“I stopped doing it.”

―What?

“I stopped doing it.”

―Stopped doing it? What… Ah, I see. Did you start wanting to demand it?

Hae-won squirmed on the bed, burrowing deeper into the sheets.

“Do you happen to know how much my bed costs?”

―What, is this a new tactic? I’d prefer if you were more explicit. Remember, the most important condition is ‘only in front of me.’

Even in this situation, his voice, as if instructing someone, pointed out Hae-won’s ambiguous attitude concisely and precisely.

Did he do this to his dead fiancée too?

What did he do to the dead Tae-shin?

Was he like this only with Hae-won, or was he the same with others?

His affection felt too cruel. His affection had swallowed a twenty-nine-year-old soul far too easily. How fiercely did he intend to devour, how cruelly did he intend to consume, that he pretended otherwise? It wasn’t the raw carnivore hidden beneath his exterior that was frightening anymore; Hae-won now wanted to drag it out and see it.

Hae-won exhaled a suffocating breath as if his throat was being squeezed. No matter how much he breathed in and out, the tightness in his chest wouldn’t disappear.

―You’re really something. What are you doing?

Misinterpreting Hae-won’s breathing, he spoke with a thud, as if putting something down. The sound of a chair creaking, as if being pushed back, also came through. Hae-won tilted his head in confusion and asked.

“Is there perhaps another reason?”

―What other reason.

“Using me as an excuse not to do it.”

―There’s no other reason. It’s only to make sure you never do that again in front of another guy. If you don’t listen, I’ll mess that bastard up. If you listen, no one gets hurt.

“You… are you impotent? Like, a eunuch or something?”

―…….

Not even the sound of breathing could be heard. What did you say? The three syllables seemed written large on his forehead, and Hae-won had the illusion of Hyun Woo-jin turning to look at him.

―Do you have any idea how much I’m holding back to fix your habits, and you say something like that… Ha. Let’s hang up.

He seemed displeased, as if his character had been insulted. His voice sank deeper, sounding angry.

“Otherwise, it’s weird.”

―You said you didn’t want to hear about things Tae-shin wouldn’t want to hear over the phone. Aren’t you going to say you enjoyed sleeping with me? Is that a sign you won’t talk about such private matters?

Tae-shin had said he couldn’t describe it in words. He said it was so good, so ecstatic, he felt like he was dying, like he would faint. He said that feeling, that sensation, was a first. That he would have no regrets even if he died like that. It was a crude expression, an exaggeration, a lie. It couldn’t have been that good. Hae-won didn’t want to recall the nights he and Tae-shin had spent together.

―He cried, you know.

“…….”

The image of Tae-shin’s face, sobbing beneath him because it felt so good, came to mind.

―I can make people cry in bed like that. Moon Hae-won, if you want to cry, just say so.

“I don’t want to hear evaluations of other people’s bedrooms.”

―Impotent, you said?

“If it’s not that, then what.”

―Haah…

“Or you could just prove it.”

Clutching the phone, heated from the long call, Hae-won was testing him, doing something he himself had always found useless and bothersome.

―If you’re playing push-and-pull games, don’t. Don’t mess with adults.

“I know you’re an elder.”

―Be clear. If you’ve decided to take your clothes off only in front of me, say so. But be prepared. It won’t end with just crying.

“I won’t do it in this lifetime.”

―There is no next lifetime. Even if there were, reincarnation is far more likely to be misaligned.

“……I’m sleepy.”

Even though his eyes were blurry with sleepiness, he didn’t take the phone away from his ear, and the other man didn’t hang up either. A glance at the time showed over forty minutes had passed. This was the first time he had talked to him this long. When Hae-won wasn’t busy, he was, and when he had a moment to call, Hae-won wouldn’t answer.

If even trivial phone calls were misaligned, how much more so would misaligned reincarnations be, even if they existed? As he said, it was probably right to think that after this life, there is no next. Hae-won suddenly felt a pang of regret.

―Go to sleep now. I’m hanging up.

“…….”

Hae-won didn’t answer, listened to his breathing a little longer, and only took the phone from his ear after he hung up. This was also the first time Hae-won hadn’t been the one to hang up first when talking to someone.

Something was going wrong somewhere. He knew he was buttoning it wrong, but he kept fastening the button anyway. He didn’t dislike that it was wrong.

Tae-shin had been doing this kind of unpleasant thing every time. This kind of unpleasant thing.

This… feeling… The feeling was strange, and in its strangeness, it was scary and unpleasant, yet not entirely unpleasant or scary; he suddenly wanted to get angry, wanted to throw a tantrum, and though he wasn’t sick, his chest ached with this feeling. He had been doing this every time. Not that his face turned red or flushed.

Hae-won stared at the phone expressionlessly. He repeated his words over and over.

There is no next lifetime. Even if there were, reincarnation is far more likely to be misaligned.

Hae-won placed the phone on the side table as if throwing it down, closed his eyes, and tried to sleep.

∞ ∞ ∞

Henry Chang arrived in Korea a few days before the regular performance. The resident conductor, accused of embezzling Han-gyeong Foundation funds, and the Concertmaster of the first violins, involved with a university foundation in illegal admissions bribery, were detained and under investigation.

The orchestra, which had been in turmoil and lost its center, had naturally forgotten their existence before they knew it. They had recruited a German guest conductor more skilled than the former conductor.

The Concertmaster position was taken by the former associate concertmaster, and the vacant associate concertmaster seat was filled by the former assistant concertmaster. Thanks to the Concertmaster’s detention, even the unemployed Hae-won got a job. Because he was detained, the perpetual associate concertmaster, the perpetual assistant concertmaster, and the unemployed bum all became happy.

Henry Chang, now only twenty-two, was a genius violinist who had won first place at the Wieniawski International Competition at a young age.

The symphony was in a very excited mood over the visit of this rising star. Han-gyeong Symphony was the first orchestra Henry Chang would perform with in Korea. Right before his performance with Han-gyeong Symphony, Henry Chang had performed with the London Philharmonic at the Royal Festival Hall. His schedule for the next five years was fully packed.

Exchanging greetings in fluent German with the German guest conductor, Henry Chang also cheerfully greeted the orchestra. When someone took a photo of Henry Chang with their phone, the members all thrust their phones forward without hesitation, and Henry Chang smiled shyly, speaking awkward Korean. He kindly took selfies with the members. Only Hae-won, who had little interest in such things, sat blankly. Henry Chang didn’t seem to speak Korean well and communicated in English. He was a boy whose baby fat hadn’t even left his face.

That’s what a college student is.

On the verge of turning thirty, Hae-won had lied to Lee Jin-young that he was a runaway college student. Remembering how absurd Hyun Woo-jin had found that fact, seeing a real twenty-two-year-old in front of him made his face feel strangely hot.

The first part of the program was the symphony’s regular performance, and the second part was a collaboration with Henry Chang, featuring Beethoven’s Violin Sonata “Kreutzer” and Brahms’ Violin Concerto in D Major Op. 77. After today’s rehearsal, there would be a rehearsal tomorrow morning at the large concert hall. Henry Chang seemed to have already practiced the Beethoven violin sonata with a pianist beforehand. They started rehearsal directly with Brahms’ violin concerto.

Hae-won had once seen news that an anonymous wealthy person living in Europe, so moved by Henry Chang’s performance, had gifted him a Guarneri worth about four million dollars. When he took out the four-million-dollar Guarneri and placed it on his shoulder, envious gazes poured toward Henry Chang. It wasn’t an ordinary Guarneri but the 1717 Guarneri del Gesù once used by Fritz Kreisler.

The former Concertmaster from Hong Kong had owned a Stradivarius. Since it was extremely expensive and an instrument is like a lover a performer loves so much they can’t bear to be apart for a moment, one couldn’t casually ask to borrow or touch such a thing, and that Hong Konger was very sensitive, so he never lent the Stradivarius to anyone. Still, being able to hear the Stradivarius’s tone up close was a tremendous piece of luck for Hae-won.

Of course, when that Hong Konger quit the Han-gyeong Symphony and returned to Hong Kong, even Hae-won’s reason for remaining in the symphony disappeared, and Hae-won, who had barely been enduring, quit the orchestra without any lingering attachment.

Hae-won had never handled a famous instrument like a Stradivarius or a Guarneri. His own was also a Guadanini, which falls under famous instruments, and its tone was by no means inferior compared to what the orchestra’s concertmaster owned.

Each had its own merits, making it impossible to determine superiority, but the Guarneri’s tone, unlike the brilliant Stradivarius or Guadanini, was somewhat rough and steadfast. Its unrefined, solemn feel was honest and profound. Compared to the delicate and brilliant Stradivarius or Guadanini, one couldn’t say which was better, but if forced to choose, Hae-won’s preference leaned toward the Guarneri.

It wasn’t that one had to play an expensive instrument to perform well. There were cases of winning prestigious international competitions with a domestic instrument worth three million won. A clumsy workman blames his tools; regardless of the instrument’s price, the player’s skill and expressiveness are key. With just one pencil, Picasso drew Picasso’s paintings. However, if that Picasso had a set of three hundred and sixty colored pencils, the world he could express would become infinite.

After the rehearsal, the concert hall, which had been bustling with people gathered to see Henry Chang, became quiet as usual. Even the faint sound of rolling footsteps echoed loudly. Disliking bumping into people, Hae-won always left the rehearsal room last. As he was belatedly packing his sheet music and tidying up, he felt a buzz of vibration. Hae-won rummaged through his bag at his feet and pulled out his phone.

“Hello.”

―Rehearsal over?

“Just now.”

―When exactly were you planning to tell me about tomorrow’s performance?

“I wasn’t planning to.”

Startled that he knew, Hae-won replied bluntly.

―Don’t go?

“Don’t come.”

―How can I not come? I can’t miss such a rare sight. A violinist who hates performing in front of people.

“Do whatever you want, come or not. I’m in the very back corner anyway, so you won’t even see me.”

Hae-won’s seat was the very last among the second violins, in the tail end where the lighting didn’t reach, making it unclear if anyone was even there. It wasn’t that he didn’t want him to come because he didn’t want to be seen sitting in the tail, nor was it because it was an annual regular performance that held no special thrill. It was a routine matter. But now that he said he would come, his heart strangely pounded, and he couldn’t help but be bothered by the thought that his tail-end position might seem insignificant.

I should have asked to move up just one row.

―I’ll pick you up. Let’s have dinner.

“I’m going. Don’t come.”

―Then shall we eat tomorrow? After the performance.

“Do whatever you want.”

―Does your tone change when you’re not in bed, or is it just my feeling? Should I call when you’re in bed?

He hadn’t called or visited for days. He was a person too busy for a relationship. Such a person had no right to meet anyone.

“Don’t ask things like that. I don’t care whether you do or not.”

―I have to ask because you don’t. Your fingers must be broken since you can’t call me.

“How can someone with broken fingers play the violin?”

―Now that you mention it, that’s true. So you’re saying with perfectly fine fingers, you’ve never called me first even once?

“You’re busy.”

―Busy? Who. Me? Or you?

“You.”

―Don’t say ‘you.’ There are plenty of nice words.

“Mr. Hyun Woo-jin.”

―How do you know if I’m busy or not.

“You’re busy, so it’s already been over a week…”

―I didn’t catch that. What about a week?

“Hang up. I need to go now.”

Before he could say anything else, Hae-won hung up. Calls kept coming from him, but Hae-won didn’t answer. The phone rang about three times before stopping. No text messages came. He was sulking, complaining that he missed seeing him. Hae-won grimaced at the thought of what he had done, finding it utterly dreadful.

He took a taxi toward his officetel. Rehearsal ended later than usual, and by the time he arrived at the officetel, it was past nine in the evening.

Hae-won bought a hamburger and fries set from a burger shop near the officetel building. He wasn’t very good at cooking. Lately, even cooking had become bothersome, so when hungry, he made do with instant food or ordered delivery, or replaced meals with simple things like dumplings, kimbap, or hamburgers that he could eat and clean up easily on the way home. When he felt self-loathing about eating, he went to a fancy restaurant and ate expensive food to soothe his mood. He maintained the balance of his sustenance only to that extent.

The afterglow of the day’s rehearsal with Henry Chang hadn’t faded, so upon arriving at the officetel, Hae-won immediately looked for the CD of the accompaniment version of Brahms’ Violin Concerto. He turned on the audio. The orchestra accompaniment flowed from speakers placed throughout the officetel living room.

Recalling the conductor’s notes he had separately marked on the sheet music, Hae-won practiced the solo parts. While playing the end of the first movement and turning the page, he got excited and accidentally tapped the music stand with his bow. The music stand toppled sideways. Hae-won stopped playing. Sighing, he gathered the scattered sheet music from the floor. Turning his head absentmindedly, Hae-won was startled and slumped down.

“……Ah.”

So surprised he could only utter a faint ‘Ah,’ he looked at Hyun Woo-jin. He had pulled out a dining chair and was sitting there, having arrived at some unknown time. It was the seat where sound converged, best for listening to music. Without a word of his arrival, he had deliberately chosen a spot out of Hae-won’s line of sight, sitting quietly and watching as if appreciating him.

Hae-won turned off the audio playing the accompaniment. All around became quiet.

“You should have answered the phone. I was going to say I was coming now.”

“You should’ve made some noise when you arrived.”

“Then you wouldn’t have played. I like listening to you play. Watching your focused face is quite entertaining.”

He had wanted to finish to the end, but Hyun Woo-jin’s sudden appearance disrupted his plans.

“Is that the piece for tomorrow?”

“Henry Chang will play it. Not me.”

“Ah. Well, you must have liked it then. Henry Chang’s playing.”

“He is quite skilled.”

Hae-won replied while tidying his sheet music and putting it into his bag. Then he unwrapped the hamburger packaging he had tossed on the dining table.

“I’m going to eat dinner.”

“Eat proper food, not that garbage.”

“It’s not garbage. It’s a Whopper.”

“It’s garbage.”

Ignoring his words, Hae-won opened his mouth to take a bite of the hamburger, only to have it snatched away by Hyun Woo-jin.

“Give it back. I’m hungry.”

“Let’s go out. I’ll buy you dinner.”

“I’m hungry right now.”

“I’ll buy it for you right now.”

He threw the hamburger wrapper into the trash. Hae-won had been about to eat the fries, but they too went into the trash. Hae-won glared at him.

“Hurry up and get dressed.”

When Hae-won stood still in protest, he brought over Hae-won’s coat. He draped the coat over Hae-won’s shoulders—Hae-won, who had changed into comfortable clothes and was wearing just a t-shirt and pajama pants. With no other choice, Hae-won slid his arms into the coat and followed him out of the officetel. They got into his car parked in the lot.

“But why don’t you drive? Is there some kind of jinx? Like your playing suffers if you drive, or your finger joints get twisted?”

“I don’t have a license.”

He let out a soft laugh.

“All show and no substance, utterly useless. Get your license quickly. Carrying that kind of instrument and taking taxis is just exposing yourself to crime.”

“Are all taxi drivers criminals? Is a public servant disparaging a specific profession right now?”

“Who said all of them?”

With an expression that seemed to ask if he had relatives or acquaintances who were taxi drivers, Hyun Woo-jin looked at Hae-won.

“I don’t drive.”

“Get your license quickly. Get a car and drive around. Don’t take taxis late at night.”

“I don’t have money for a car. I’m saving all the salary I get from the orchestra.”

“I’ll buy you one.”

“…….”

At the unexpected words, Hae-won turned his eyes to him as they drove out of the parking lot.

“Ah, is Mr. Moon Hae-won the type who accepts moderately expensive things but refuses things that are burdensomely expensive?”

“What kind of salary does a public servant have?”

“I’ll spend my entire salary to buy you one.”

“Extorting from chaebols? Taking kickbacks, doing that kind of thing? What, some kind of sponsor prosecutor?”

His lips curled into a faint smile as he steered, looking ahead. It seemed he was right. If so, his prey was President Kim Jeong-geun of Han-gyeong Group. Suddenly, Hae-won became curious about the relationship between President Kim Jeong-geun and him. It was also Hyun Woo-jin who had called Hae-won to his villa to listen to a private performance. Hyun Woo-jin had used that villa as if it were his own.

“Are you close with President Kim Jeong-geun?”

“More than close, I know him privately a bit.”

“Knowing someone privately a bit is called being close.”

“Then we’re close too, right? I think I know Mr. Moon Hae-won privately quite well. I even know what kind of things you get up to.”

He was deflecting. Hae-won also knew what had ultimately happened to Hyun Woo-jin’s fiancée but didn’t show it. He didn’t want to know too deeply about him. Knowing too deeply makes it hard to cut ties. They weren’t close enough to ask overly personal and intimate things.

The car drove through the city center, which had become leisurely after rush hour. The place his car arrived at was a hotel. After valet parking, they got out of the car. Though covered by the coat, Hae-won was dressed in pajamas he could have gone straight to bed in. He had no intention of becoming a spectacle in a formal restaurant. Hae-won, following behind him, stopped walking.

“I’m not going in. How can I go in looking like this?”

“No one will care.”

“If they see this, they’ll notice.”

Shoving his hands deep into his coat pockets, Hae-won spread his arms wide. His eyes troubledly stared at Hae-won’s pajama pants, then he turned his head as if realizing it really wasn’t appropriate.

“Then shall we get a room?”

“Ah, undressing me first?”

When Hae-won looked at him with expectation, he frowned as if to say don’t get the wrong idea.

“I’ll order room service.”

“If it’s less tasty than a Whopper, you’re dead.”

Hyun Woo-jin booked a room. They got into the elevator, acting distant like strangers. Hae-won followed him into the room. It was a decent grand suite, not bad for a night’s stay.

As soon as Hyun Woo-jin entered the room, inserting the key into the holder, he closed the curtains so nothing could be seen from outside. It seemed like a habit, not done with any particular purpose.

“Order whatever you want to eat.”

“Just mine?”

“Mine too. I haven’t had dinner either.”

“Anything?”

“Order whatever you want to eat. I’ll be back after making a call.”

Hyun Woo-jin, taking the spare key, went out. Hae-won looked at the room service menu and ordered a Cobb salad, crab fried rice, grilled lamb chops, and for dessert, crème brûlée and fruit. Hyun Woo-jin returned before the room service arrived.

He took off his jacket and left it on the sofa, then undid his shirt cuffs. He folded the cuffs up a couple of times and washed his hands. Just then, the room service arrived, and he opened the door. The ordered food was placed on the table in front of the sofa. Come to think of it, it was the first time they were sitting face-to-face having a meal. Dressed as if he had just rushed out of the office, he sat next to Hae-won and picked up a fork.

“Is this all you ordered? Order more.”

“This is enough for me. If it’s not enough for you, order more.”

He seemed hungry and started eating first. His plate was soon empty. After eating his share, he only checked the contents of the dessert without eating it. Hyun Woo-jin asked Hae-won, who was slowly cutting his lamb.

“Is that the eating speed of someone who said they were hungry?”

“You eat too fast.”

It seemed that having to work without time to eat had made him accustomed to eating anything quickly. He drank coffee, leisurely leaning against the sofa backrest, staring at Hae-won as if watching him eat dinner. To Hae-won, who was chewing the meat in his mouth, Hyun Woo-jin said.

“Don’t call me ‘you.’ Try calling me by another title.”

“Another title? Prosecutor? Public Servant?”

“Not something so stiff.”

“What kind?”

“Hyung, or maybe Hyung. If you don’t like that, you can call me Hyung.”

He presented three identical options.

How close had Tae-shin gotten to him?

He probably hadn’t called him Hyung. He always called him ‘that person.’ They probably called each other Mr. So-and-so.

It was just that trivial. There was no reason not to do such a trivial thing. Lee Jin-young also called him Hyung. Trying to call him Hyung, Hae-won moved his lips but stopped. He suddenly felt displeased.

“Yes, Elder.”

He burst out laughing for a moment. A low, deep, pleasant Guarneri-like tone. Hyun Woo-jin was softer, more cheerful, and kinder than Hae-won had thought. Busy as he was, he also had an affectionate side as he claimed. He had thought of him only as sharp and scary, and while that aspect couldn’t be denied, it was an extremely small part. He was the kind of person anyone would covet and anyone would like. Not entirely light, he had an appropriate weight that made one unable to act recklessly, and he was efficient at making threats.

“Isn’t that something to laugh about?”

The laughing man soon wiped the smile from his face, turning serious. Hae-won ignored him and continued his meal.

As he stood up after roughly clearing the eaten dishes from the table, Hyun Woo-jin grabbed Hae-won’s wrist and sat him back down beside him. He placed Hae-won’s hand on his own thigh, looking at it as if appraising a rare object, muttering lowly.

“It’s ordinary and nothing to look at, though.”

It didn’t seem to be an appreciation of his own hand. Holding Hae-won’s wrist, he looked up. Hae-won’s curious gaze met Hyun Woo-jin’s eyes.

“Undress me first, Elder. I don’t mind.”

“That’s the problem, you saying you don’t mind.”

“Preferably not today. I have a performance tomorrow, so I need to go home and sleep early.”

“Sleep here. I’ll take you in the morning.”

“With the Elder? On the bed? Doing nothing?”

“Doing nothing is a bit… Let’s just kiss simply. If you feel like doing more anytime, just say so. I’m a thoroughly prepared person.”

He took Hae-won’s hand and pulled him up. If you looked closely, Hyun Woo-jin had a remarkable obsession with his hands. Now, if he wasn’t wearing gloves, he would be the first to ask why he wasn’t wearing them.

Hae-won simply washed his face and brushed his teeth before coming out of the bathroom. Hyun Woo-jin, already lying on the bed first, had his hands clasped behind his head.

He glanced at Hae-won, then lay on his side, patting the spot beside him. Who would end up clinging and begging first was something only time would tell. There was no reason to refuse, and Hae-won had been rebellious since his teens and was exceptionally skilled in that area.

Hae-won lay down beside Hyun Woo-jin without hesitation. He dimmed the lights. Though the brightness decreased, it wasn’t so dark that they couldn’t see each other. His face was exceptionally clear even in the heavy darkness. Hae-won, pulling the pillow down to rest his head comfortably, turned to look at him lying alone on his side.

There is no next life, if we reincarnate, we’ll miss each other and not meet.

This life is the last…

Hyun Woo-jin, not knowing what kind of confession that was, said it lightly. He was saying all sorts of things just to get one piece of clothing off.

When Hae-won just stared blankly, Hyun Woo-jin spoke softly.

“Someone’s pretending to be a college student, so I’m starting to feel younger too.”

“Feeling rejuvenated?”

“Not quite rejuvenated, but this feeling is something I haven’t had in a long time.”

“Just kissing, right? Nothing else?”

“If you want to, you can set the premise and say so. Moon Hae-won has developed principles.”

“It seems the Elder needs to try a bit harder. That kind of feeling isn’t arising.”

He made a displeased expression. His hand touched Hae-won’s cheek. Hae-won also raised his hand and touched Hyun Woo-jin’s cheek. Hyun Woo-jin, obsessed with Hae-won’s hands, reacted sensitively to his own hand touching that cheek. Hae-won’s hand seemed to particularly stimulate his nerves.

While caressing his face, Hyun Woo-jin placed his own hand over Hae-won’s and brought it to his lips. Moist lips touched his palm. Pressing down gently on the palm, Hyun Woo-jin kissed Hae-won’s hand. He was cautious, as if handling something sacred and holy. His heart raced.

Hae-won couldn’t believe himself, ultimately doing such things and enjoying them with the man Tae-shin had a crush on, feeling nothing. He didn’t dislike it. It wasn’t that he was determined to undress only in front of him, but he was stubbornly holding on out of defiance, yet he didn’t dislike him.

The exposed forearm moved, and well-defined muscles twitched. Every time he moved, the white shirt clung tightly, ambitiously revealing his frame, and that sight was extremely captivating. It also seemed like a deliberate ploy to show off his attractive appearance. Hae-won kept wanting to look at him.

Kissing his palm, Hyun Woo-jin closed his eyes and brought his lips to Hae-won’s fingers as well. Hae-won gave one hand to him and reached out with the other to sweep over his sharp-looking eyes. Dense eyelashes casting shadows on his fingers could be felt. The heartbeat gradually quickened and strengthened.

He took one of Hae-won’s fingers into his mouth and sucked. It seemed he would suck and lick all the fingers like that. The middle finger went inside, rubbing against the hot, moist mucous membrane. As he tightened his throat and sucked, a faint pain was felt as if blood was rushing there.

“……Ah.”

When Hae-won moaned in pain, Hyun Woo-jin, who had been sucking his finger and kissing for a while, interlocked his fingers with Hae-won’s wet hand. He gripped tightly and pressed it down onto the bed. Using his arm as a support, he covered Hae-won. At his dangerously bold temptation, Hae-won stared at him with a precarious gaze.

“If you want to do more, don’t hesitate to say so.”

“Yes, Old Man. If the Old Man wants to, don’t say anything and just do as you please. I’m an easy person.”

He smiled a splendid smile and bowed his head. Wanting to touch his approaching lips even a moment sooner, Hae-won lifted his chin. As if competing to see who would make the other feel that way first, Hae-won overlapped his lips with Hyun Woo-jin’s and slowly stimulated each other.

He stuck out his tongue, licked his lips, and pushed inside. Hyun Woo-jin’s thick tongue rubbed against his, and as his mouth grew moist, his brain also seemed to grow damp. It was an unbearable sexual sensation for him and Hae-won, both in their prime.

Both Hyun Woo-jin and Hae-won were already erect. Glancing down while kissing, despite the black suit pants being dark, the vicious silhouette pushed to the side of his thigh was clear. It was definitely not impotence.

Hae-won subtly raised his knee, touching the inside of his left thigh as if by accident. The tongue that had entered Hae-won’s mouth and was roughly exploring inside twitched.

Hyun Woo-jin pressed Hae-won’s mischievous knee firmly against the bed. Hae-won raised his knee again. Sucking hard on his lower lip, he rubbed with his knee against the outline that seemed pushed to the left thigh due to lack of space.

He could feel Hyun Woo-jin laughing leisurely. The shape of his lips changed. When Hae-won subtly touched him, he used his own leg to completely press down Hae-won’s leg. As a result, their lower parts brushed against each other. Both of them flinched. Their lips parted slightly as Hyun Woo-jin checked Hae-won’s face. Hae-won, with cheeks flushed red, also looked at him.

“Haa…….”

Now, whose rationality was stronger was the key. Because he had cleaned up Hae-won’s surroundings without being asked, Hae-won hadn’t been able to do it for quite a while. Masturbation didn’t solve it. Hae-won had resolved his sexual desires by having someone put it in and thrust, and he was accustomed to such acts. So he had been starving for quite a while.

In fact, he had been erect even when Hyun Woo-jin only kissed him in front of his house and sent him back, and when he was on the phone in bed, he had secretly touched himself below without Hyun Woo-jin knowing.

“The phone……, haa, when on the phone.”

Hae-won clung to his neck, rubbing his heated flesh against his lips, whispering.

“What? What about the phone?”

He asked, breathing heavily. As he pressed down with his knee to prevent contact, he pretended not to notice Hae-won’s movements, who was now wriggling his waist trying to rub against him, and pushed him away.

Their lower abdomens brushed faintly against each other, and something like a strong electric current flowed, scorching their lower backs. Rubbing their lips together, supreme pleasure made their entire bodies tingle. Their breathing kept rising, threatening to become moans. Hae-won felt like tears would come. His throat kept closing up.

“On the bed, huh? Ah, wait. The bed……, on the bed.”

He clearly frowned. Hae-won rubbed his lips against his cheek and chin. As Hae-won pressed his wet lips against Hyun Woo-jin’s ear, a strong force entered the hand that was tightly gripping while interlocked, hurting to the point of pain.

“Hand, hand……, it hurts. Hand.”

When Hae-won expressed pain, Hyun Woo-jin loosened his grip. The whitened areas between his fingers relaxed. His knuckles hurt. With the freed hand, Hae-won grabbed Hyun Woo-jin’s collar as if seizing it and pulled his upper body down, while Hyun Woo-jin resisted being pulled down with his elbows. Half in a plank position, the muscles in his arms trembled as if about to burst.

“If you can’t hold back, say it with words. Set the premise.”

His voice became more serious than ever before. He didn’t trust his own rationality. Hae-won ignored his words as if they were a foreign language he didn’t understand and shook his head quickly sideways.

Deliberately lifting his waist, he bumped against Hyun Woo-jin’s groin. The thick, club-like thing stretching from his left thigh, swollen as if about to burst, seemed painful even under weak pressure. He kept exhaling agonized breaths.

“I actually……, on the bed, with the Elder, on the phone, haa, while…….”

“Keep saying what about the bed, ugh.”

Hae-won swept his arms around his shoulders and overlapped their lips. Saliva flowed down through the overlapped gap. They were getting wet. The tongue’s rough play stimulating the mucous membranes gradually became coarser. His breath was hot, and his chest, supporting all his weight with his elbows while also bearing the weight of Hae-won pulling him down, rose and fell urgently.

Hae-won wrapped his leg around his thigh, almost hanging on. He tried to press the back of Hyun Woo-jin’s knee to bend it, but it wasn’t easy. His body, well-trained physically, resisted with unexpectedly strong muscle defiance. A breathless struggle ensued between him, trying to minimize contact area, and Hae-won, trying by any means to increase the contact area.

Hae-won was also using force to pull him down, his arms wrapped around his neck trembling uncontrollably. Lifting his waist repeatedly required strength too. He regretted neglecting his calisthenics.

He moved his hands over his shoulders and back. The spine beneath the dress shirt was sticky with sweat. The upper body inside the shirt was burning hot.

“Aren’t you suffocating?”

Hae-won pulled off his tie and unbuttoned his shirt.

“Haah, what did the bed say?”

As he tried to undo two buttons and the ones below, the man grabbed Hae-won’s hand and pulled it away. Wet, tangled hair clung to his forehead as he tried to endure with ascetic restraint. Hae-won collapsed onto the bed, exhausted. As if he were the culprit, the man pinned Hae-won’s wrist to the bed.

“Take it off for me.”

“Say the condition.”

“Hold me.”

“Say the condition.”

“Eoreushin.”

“That’s not the condition.”

“Yeonggam-nim.”

“What did the phone on the bed say?”

After barely managing to detach Hae-won, Hyun Woo-jin asked, catching his breath.

“I did it while listening to Hyung’s voice.”

“……”

He let out another pained breath. His chest heaved. His eyes, which grew sharp like a snake’s when narrowed due to his lack of double eyelids, scanned Hae-won’s face with a sticky gaze.

“No……? Huh? Why must……, that’s weird.”

Hae-won spoke to him. Held by Hyun Woo-jin’s hand, his upper body couldn’t rise, so he strained to reach him with his shoulders.

“Let go. It hurts……. Huh?”

He released his hand. Hae-won stretched his arm behind his shoulder and tightly embraced Hyun Woo-jin’s back. He touched the back that had hidden, protected, guarded, and spoken for him as much as he wanted.

“Your voice is nice. Hyung’s voice……, is nice.”

This was sincere. Hae-won didn’t dislike Hyun Woo-jin, but he liked his voice.

“Do it again.”

Say anything to me. Say any words to me.

He whispered, hanging onto his neck. His lips sucked on the earlobe, touched the cheek, and rubbed against it. As he tried to find his lips, his hand finally moved. He grabbed the hem of Hae-won’s shirt. He was trying to take off Hae-won’s clothes.

Hae-won stared at Hyun Woo-jin’s hand, tense. The fist gripping the hem was clenched so tightly that the knuckles turned white.

No wonder he was called Eoreushin. He lowered the hem that had been pulled up enough to reveal his navel. Now Hae-won couldn’t stand it. He was an infuriating man. How hollow language was—obsessing over just one word, trying to extract it with his foolishness, and his arrogance in trying to subdue Hae-won—it was hateful.

Even though he said there’s only this life……

Even though he said such cruel words.

Hae-won knew. He wasn’t trying to get rid of Hyun Woo-jin like solving a bothersome problem. It was impossible.

“You must have some self-restraint by now……”

“……”

He asked in a husky voice. Hae-won neither nodded nor shook his head. He just looked at him with resentful eyes. While a vicious mass of flesh stood erect enough to tear the left pant leg, he acted nonchalantly, pretending not to know. Hae-won stared at him, feeling bitter, then suddenly grabbed his member hard.

“Hheuk……!”

His knees, which wouldn’t bend no matter what, collapsed onto the bed.

“Why are you demanding self-restraint from me when you don’t have any either?”

He rubbed the bulge in his pants as if trying to burst it. When he pressed the sensitive tip with his hand, he showed an unexpected reaction. It seemed he was excited just because it was Hae-won’s hand. He liked the hand that played. The fingers he had sucked and licked in his mouth were now touching Hyun Woo-jin’s genitals.

“Hae-won-ah, wait, just wait.”

He tried to stand up in panic, and Hae-won followed, kneeling to face him. It was a distance where he could touch Hyun Woo-jin’s genitals better. Using his entire arm, he rubbed his genitals as if grabbing them and looked into his eyes.

“Is Hyun Woo-jin prepared to take off his clothes in front of me? Are you prepared to undress only in front of me?”

“Euk……”

Unable to handle the stimulation, he rested his heated forehead on Hae-won’s shoulder. That part of his suit pants was damp. He turned his head, and rough breaths touched the nape of his neck. He pressed his lips against his neck and sucked. He licked, moved to his cheek and ear, and caressed.

Hae-won hunched his shoulders. His hand didn’t stop. He stimulated him by rubbing his member over the fabric. He traced the distinct shape of the glans with his fingers.

The man, unable to hold back, grabbed the back of Hae-won’s head and kissed him fiercely. Simultaneously, he vividly felt his genitals throbbing and swelling. He came right inside his suit pants. The faint tremors of twitching muscles slowly subsided.

Hae-won removed his hand from below him. A breath that seemed to sever the tendons leaked from their overlapping lips. The rough tongue that had probed inside licked the roof of his mouth and withdrew. When their lips parted, a lewd sound was heard—the sound of wet flesh slapping against flesh.

“……”

Though Hae-won himself had a lot pent up, his eyes were so calm that he didn’t want to provoke anything. The dark forest meeting in the darkness had not a single breeze passing through.

“Undress only in front of me. No one else. Not any other bastard.”

Hyun Woo-jin said in a roughened tone.

“And if I break that promise.”

“You die, and I die.”

“……”

“No, you die, and that bastard dies, and I’ll wipe out that bastard’s entire clan. And you’ll get punished by me.”

“How will you punish me?”

“I’ll punish you so terribly. So you’ll never think like that again.”

“……”

“If you can’t speak, just nod. Do you want to undress in front of me?”

Hae-won nodded slightly.

“Do you want to undress only in front of me? That’s what matters.”

“……”

He was demanding an unbearable emotion. Hyun Woo-jin was trying to chew up even Hae-won’s feelings and digest them as his own. Hae-won didn’t answer that. He was staring straight into his eyes, but he wasn’t forcing an answer either.

He sighed and rested his face on Hae-won’s shoulder. A tingling sensation remained vividly on the fingertips that had touched him. Hae-won wanted to hurriedly touch himself with that tingling. Half was defiance, half was guilt toward Tae-shin.

The man Tae-shin so desperately wanted was demanding this from him. The words Tae-shin so desperately wanted to hear were being whispered into his ear. Tae-shin had said he wanted to be reborn as Moon Hae-won. He probably didn’t foresee it would come to this. Maybe he thought if he were Moon Hae-won, he could make Hyun Woo-jin look back at him. In the end, the Hyun Woo-jin Tae-shin wanted was right in front of him.

He didn’t want to desire something by taking it from someone else. That kid was dead. That kid was no longer in this world. Just because things turned out this way, Hae-won didn’t need to feel guilty. The dead are dead, the living are living, and the survivor is strong. Hae-won didn’t steal Hyun Woo-jin from Tae-shin. Even though he knew that fact too well, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was committing a wrongful act.

After calming his breathing for a while, he got up from the bed. Conscious of his uncomfortable lower body, he headed to the bathroom.

Hae-won sat there blankly.

The sound of water could be heard. If he, who had already poured out his desire, did something, there would be no turning back. It was obvious Hae-won would lose. He was at a disadvantage. A fearful wave of emotion, as if he’d be devoured, washed over him.

He hadn’t brought anything—wallet, phone—because he was dragged out. Hae-won rummaged through Hyun Woo-jin’s jacket and pulled out the wallet from the inner pocket. It contained cash and cards.

He took out a 50,000-won bill, stuffed it into his pocket, grabbed his coat, hurriedly left the room, took the elevator down to the lobby. His steps were so fast anyone could see he was running away. As he exited the lobby, a taxi slowly approached. He hurriedly got into the back seat when he heard a voice calling him.

“Moon Hae-won.”

He was walking toward him, having chased after him at some point. Hae-won quickly got into the car and closed the door.

“Sir, please go quickly. Hurry.”

“Where to?”

“Just start driving first!”

At Hae-won’s sharp urging, the taxi driver stepped on the accelerator reflexively. The man who followed out stood where Hae-won had left, stopping his steps emptily. His figure was reflected in the rearview mirror. He didn’t chase after him.

The taxi headed straight to the Officetel.

Hae-won paid the taxi fare with the 50,000 won he stole from Hyun Woo-jin’s wallet, went inside, and checked his phone. There were no calls from him. Given his personality, he wouldn’t chase after him or persistently call to interrogate him about running away.

When he took off his coat, his tense body was sticky with sweat. His erection had somewhat subsided, but the tingling sensation lifting his waist remained fully.

He took a shower. Standing under the pouring hot water, he touched below. As he swept his hand down, he recalled the sound of his breath pouring into his ear.

Hyun Woo-jin had said he would punish him in a low-pitched melody like plucking a bass string. He wanted to be punished by him. If he would punish him, punish him sharply and painfully, painfully, very painfully.

Hae-won’s lips trembled as he swept up his fully erect member. The vibration of the hard muscle that seemed about to burst with excitement remained in his fingers and entire palm. A man’s genitals, tempting just by size and hardness alone, were so excited they seemed about to tear his pants.

Especially since it was Hyun Woo-jin’s. He recalled those deep, picturesque eyes. The straight bridge of his nose, the philtrum below, the soft, moist lips, the stubborn, resolute jaw.

Hyun Woo-jin knelt as if kicked in the shin the moment Hae-won touched him, letting out a lewd breath. Hae-won remembered that moment. He wanted to kiss him.

“Ah… Aheuk……!”

Something surged through his entire body. A hot sensation gushed forth.

“Haah, haah……”

Hae-won gasped for breath and leaned his forehead against the shower booth. The warmth wetting below flowed down with the water stream. His consciousness grew drowsily damp.

After finishing his shower, he changed into pajamas. Out of habit, Hae-won held his phone and lay on the bed. He pulled the sheet up to his face. Something felt lacking, and even after quenching his thirst, a dryness that parched his throat didn’t disappear.

Below was still throbbing. He couldn’t tell if it was his heart trembling or that place trembling. A sense of alienation, as if his body wasn’t his own like he’d taken the wrong medicine, floated throughout his body. He realized anew that this was what they called being in heat.

As he tried to lower his flickering consciousness in that state, the phone in his hand vibrated. Hae-won startled, his eyes wide open. It was Hyun Woo-jin.

“Hello.”

―What are you doing?

His voice was angry. He seemed unaware of the theft of taking 50,000 won from his wallet. Aside from the theft, he hadn’t done anything to upset him. As a prosecutor, Hyun Woo-jin couldn’t help but be sensitive to theft, a criminal act.

“I have a performance tomorrow.”

―I said I’d escort you properly in the morning.

“How can I stay with someone trying to devour me? What about tomorrow’s performance?”

Hae-won was a pro. He had to maintain a comfortable condition, go to the concert hall tomorrow morning, finish performance preparations, and rehearse. He was a working person who had to keep promises with the organization that paid him a monthly salary. To deposit savings properly, he had no choice but to work. He couldn’t spend the night in a hotel with someone bloodthirsty to devour him. It wasn’t running away out of fear but exercising professional consciousness.

―Who, me? Who devoured me?

“I didn’t know just touching briefly would lead to that.”

―Haah……. Come back.

“I’m lying down to sleep.”

―Come quickly.

“I have to leave early tomorrow morning.”

He seemed still at the hotel.

―When will you tell me? I think I need to prepare Eoreushin’s heart.

He spoke as if he might have a heart attack.

“You’re known for being thorough with preparations.”

―I didn’t know it would be to this extent. It’s a different level from when I wanted to rush at you after seeing your performance. It’s another level.

“Are you pretending to be innocent, or are you innocent?”

―I don’t understand either. Whether I’m excited from the anticipation of how you’ll beg me, or just excited, I can’t tell.

“……”

―So come quickly.

His voice pressed softly. Come quickly, come to my side.

“I have to sleep.”

He wanted to hear his voice more. The low-toned voice stimulated the sensitive spot. It was a moment when breathing became difficult. Hae-won slowly touched below. Suppressing his breath without him knowing, he slid his hand inside his underwear. He said nothing. Hae-won asked with his eyes closed.

“How will you punish me?”

―What?

“How will you punish me? You said you’d punish me terribly.”

―Of course terribly. I’ll make sure you can’t have useless thoughts.

His voice simultaneously stimulated Hae-won’s tension and dizziness.

“I don’t listen to anyone. I don’t even listen to our Father, so how will you punish me?”

―Moon Hae-won, I’ll make you crawl on all fours and beg me.

“On all fours……?”

―Yes, on all fours. You’ll be on your stomach, begging like a dog. After being terribly punished by me, anyone would beg while leaking something below.

Hae-won turned over. He lay face down on the bed. Without using his hands, he moved his waist. He rubbed his lower body against the mattress of the bed handmade by a craftsman. Rubbing felt lewd and was more stimulating than direct touch. Slowly moving his waist, Hae-won whispered with the phone to his ear.

“Do you think I’ll……, listen to you if I do that?”

―You’ll be the one to ask first.

Despite being a filtered voice over the phone, a thick sensuality lingered.

“I……, will never do it first. Never.”

Clutching the phone, moving his waist, he rubbed below against the mattress faster and harder. Hot heat emanated from his body buried in the sheet, quickly heating the bed. He rubbed his cheek, warmed against the pillow.

―Don’t do that, just come quickly. To me.

“No. Don’t you know……, haah, what ‘no’ means?”

―Don’t play games.

“Punish me a little. Huh? Punish me a little……, punish me.”

―Hae-won-ah.

His tone lowered further. Even though he’d just washed, sweat seeped out damply. The pajamas touching his skin clung stickily, wrapping around his limbs. Barely rubbing below against the mattress wasn’t enough. He couldn’t reach there. No matter how he rubbed, it didn’t reach there.

Hae-won acted defiant. As if vowing never to return to the hotel where he was, he bit his wet lip. He rubbed his face until the pillow was disheveled.

―I’ll praise you for trying to solve it alone while in heat without clinging to anyone.

“Alone what? Don’t make me laugh. I never……, haah, never do this alone.”

―Do you want to be punished, or praised?

“I want to be punished. And praised.”

―You’re driving me crazy. What on earth are you thinking?

“Haah……, ah, eung……”

No good. This isn’t enough. Hae-won opened the bottommost drawer of the side table. He fumbled inside. It was the first time he’d touched a toy since graduating university. When he packed to vacate the Officetel, he hadn’t taken this. Only now, at this moment, did the existence of the toy flash through his mind, making his hair stand on end, while simultaneously the thirst wrapping around his body grew urgent.

The toy buried at the edge of the drawer caught on his finger. It was a stainless steel model, flat like an iron rod. The size was moderately large, but smaller than what had tried to tear Hyun Woo-jin’s pant leg, bringing a subtle disappointment, but now even this felt lacking.

―Hae-won-ah.

He called Hae-won’s name, who was pouring out hot breaths he couldn’t control alone. Hae-won liked Hyun Woo-jin’s voice. What he liked most was when his voice called his name. When he didn’t answer, he called again.

―Moon Hae-won.

He roughly wiped the long-neglected iron rod on his pajamas and put it in his mouth. Hae-won was sucking someone’s genitals. The cold texture and taste wrapping around the base of his tongue were unfamiliar. It tasted metallic. Whether because it was cold, his excitement heightened.

A messy, wet sound of sucking on a metal rod echoed raggedly. His voice was gone. Hae-won opened his bleary eyes and checked his phone. The call had been disconnected.

Hae-won tossed the phone onto the bed somewhere. He buried his face in the pillow and pushed his upper body up. He had said he would make him crawl on all fours. Hae-won got on all fours and pulled down his pajama bottoms. As he raised his hips, his top slid all the way up to his nape, exposing his spine. His body, which had been buried in the bed, was exposed to the air, sending a shiver down his skin. He slathered something creamy onto the end of the metal rod and brought it behind him.

He gathered his ragged breath. He pressed the rod against the cleft between his buttocks as if fitting it in and rubbed it firmly.

No one else could excite him like this. Everything about him was a first for Hae-won.

“Ah, ugh, ngh.”

Shameless moans poured out. He lightly bit his flushed lips. His feverish entrance, taut with arousal, keenly sensed the cold touch of the metal. He pressed the slick, clinging tip firmly and pushed it inside. A place not yet fully prepared to accept anything swallowed the metal bit by bit. Pressing against the flesh, licking the inner walls, it slowly entered, pushing all the way in.

“Ah……!”

He pushed it in until only the base of the metal rod remained outside. His breath hitched, caught in his throat. Without touching it, the rod pushed itself out. As it slid out, it stimulated him inside.

He shoved it back in hard.

“Huhk…….”

His breath choked as if his throat were being squeezed. He pushed back in what was slipping out and gradually sped up.

Hae-won collapsed, resting his cheek on the pillow, and shamelessly lifted his lower half into the air.

He wished he would do this. He wished Hyun Woo-jin would punish him like this. Hae-won, his eyes burning red with desire, moaned like a shameless animal. He knew the man who knew the password could barge in anytime he wanted, ignoring him, and he was acutely aware that he could appear even at a time like this.

His hand didn’t stop, stabbing the hole. The metal rod struck his insides. In the searing pleasure, he curled his toes inside the bedding.

He suddenly realized, from his abrupt appearance, that he hadn’t called from the hotel but had chased him here and called from outside the door, but he couldn’t stop. Hae-won didn’t cover or hide his naked body. And he didn’t stop.

“……Ahh, do something to me. Ah, ah……!”

Hae-won pleaded, not knowing to whom. Each time, the metal rod stabbed inside. His exposed buttocks, shamelessly bared, trembled violently.

A scorching gaze, as if it would burn him, swept over his body. The blazing eyes reached the parts he didn’t want him to see.

He had somehow approached the bedside. Hae-won rubbed his flushed red face against the pillow. The arm stimulating him from behind trembled violently. It was an unused muscle and an unfamiliar posture. His thoroughly wet lower half twitched. The deeply inserted metal rod, pushed by internal pressure, slowly crept out. The sensation of it licking down his inner walls was vivid.

“Ugh…….”

As he clenched his buttocks, the metal rod thudded onto the bed. He groped over the bed. The rod didn’t come into his hand. As he barely tried to lift his upper body, a strong force stabbed inside.

“Ah-yuk……!”

The metal rod was now in his hand. He stabbed Hae-won’s lower half. With his hips raised before him, Hae-won clutched the sheets with both hands. The white sheets crumpled into a whirlpool shape in an instant. The insides of his thighs quivered.

“Ah, ah! It hurts!”

Whether it was pain, sadness, or joy—unidentifiable pleas poured out. A much stronger force than what he had done to himself stabbed inside. His ragged breath scattered. The rolled-up shirt tightened around his neck.

Hae-won touched his chest. He rubbed and stimulated his hardened nipples. As he tightly clenched the unyielding metal rod, his buttocks twitched. Unbearable pleasure stormed over him. As the speed and frequency increased, he gasped as if his throat would give out.

“I’m going to… ah, I’m going to……!”

Hyun Woo-jin’s hand moved faster. The intensity grew stronger. The metal rod, having transferred the heat, had grown hot. Hae-won arched his back and stiffened his entire body.

“Ah…….”

Something that was neither a sigh nor a moan pitifully escaped his slightly parted lips. He spilled again what he had poured out in the shower. His consciousness sank into darkness. His whole body trembled violently.

His limp body collapsed onto the bed. The metal rod, heated hot from friction, thudded behind his thigh. His soaked lower half twitched on its own. His distant mind gradually cleared.

“Haa……, haa…….”

The breath that had made his chest heave also calmed. His vision blurred whitely with tears. Blinking, he lay there catching his breath when Hyun Woo-jin’s hand touched Hae-won’s naked body. At the hand slowly stroking the inside of his thigh and his buttocks, Hae-won turned his head.

He saw Hyun Woo-jin. He had never seen his face so rigidly hardened. It wasn’t anger, nor was it sadness. An expressionless face that defied description slowly swept over Hae-won’s naked body, like the hand caressing him.

Something incomparable to a metal rod was, as always, fiercely erect to the point of being pushed to the left thigh, its outline distinct.

Hyun Woo-jin and Hae-won could excite each other to the limit, time and again.

“……Punish me.”

Hae-won said to him as if pleading. His hand moved past his buttocks, following the hollow of his spine upward. The hand stopped at his nape. His hair was tangled and stuck to his skin, damp with pale sweat.

“How should I punish you.”

He asked. His voice, feigning calm, hid an uncontrollable anger. It was a voice enduring something, bearing something with patience. Hae-won was prepared to respect him if he endured this time too.

“I want to.”

“Your self-control……, your body isn’t one that develops easily.”

“I want to.”

Hae-won was instantly aroused again by his voice. No, he could be aroused. His eyes stared terrifyingly, as if they would burn his sweat-drenched naked body.

“You only want to do it with me?”

He asked. To correct his own bad habits, he was repeating the same question and the same conversation.

He had somehow come close. Hae-won looked up at him. He looked at his swollen lower half, his chest, and his face. His eyes met Hyun Woo-jin’s, looking down at him from a dizzying height. As he tried to touch his lower body, Hyun Woo-jin grabbed Hae-won’s insolent wrist. Held tightly, his wrist felt like it would break.

“Say it, Moon Hae-won. Do you want to sleep with me because you like me?”

“I want to sleep with you.”

“Add a condition. Say it’s not with just anyone.”

“You……, Hyun Woo-jin, you’re the most ‘anyone’ to me.”

Hae-won’s voice had grown hoarse. His cracking voice scattered distantly but conveyed its meaning clearly. His face twitched.

“You learned words wrong.”

“…….”

“I have to teach you from the beginning. Wash this head clean.”

He grabbed Hae-won’s hair in a fistful. His head was yanked back. Hae-won grimaced. Before his eyes was the man’s lower body. It was a dangerous distance where, if he pulled with force, his lips would touch Hyun Woo-jin’s groin.

“Except me.”

“Ugh.”

“I have to remake you so no one else can touch you.”

It wasn’t a statement to Hae-won but to himself. A vow or a promise to himself.

A violent force filled Hyun Woo-jin’s grip, pulling at the scalp of the clutched hair. Grimacing, Hae-won raised his eyes toward him.

After staring down at him for a long time as if to kill him, he slowly released Hae-won’s head. He placed it down as if settling it on the pillow and patted, stroking the back of his head he had painfully gripped. He pulled the top that had slid down to his neck below his waist. He covered his languidly collapsed naked body with the sheet.

The body without self-control, having excreted its desire, had stimulated Hyun Woo-jin in the wrong way and now trembled alone.

Hae-won sank deeply into sleep.