4 – Chapter 4 Part 2

―Who?

“You wouldn’t know even if I told you. I’m meeting a woman.”

―I’d appreciate it if you’d speak so I can understand.

“I know a noona.”

―What noona do you know? What’s her name?

“Anyway, it’s someone I know.”

―Don’t overdo it. I’m newly married, so I plan to leave work early.

Hae-won burst out laughing at Woo-jin’s words. He had a knack for making people feel good. He only said pleasant things and possessed a conversational skill that tickled the right spots even more.

When that sweet talk was recited by that blunt voice of his, it created a synergy effect—it wasn’t just feeling good, it was enough to make your heart lurch.

“Were we newly married?”

―Of course. We’re sleeping under the same blanket where a child might be conceived, isn’t that newly married?

“Who would hear? You’re alone, right?”

He was unmarried. Hae-won was actually worried someone might have heard his words.

―Don’t overdo it and come back. I’ll wait up for you.

“Civil servants these days are getting bolder. Please maintain some dignity.”

―Should I come pick you up? Will you call when you’re done?

“If hyung comes, that noona probably won’t like it.”

―Alright, then. See you at home.

He was planning to reluctantly tell Woo-jin who he was meeting if he kept pressing, but Woo-jin replied simply and hung up.

Getting out of the car, Hae-won headed toward the restaurant, constantly fussing with his neatly combed hair. Right before entering, he stood in front of a mirror, checking his nervous appearance as if inspecting himself.

As he opened the door and entered, a waiter approached.

“Welcome. Do you have a reservation?”

“Is there a reservation under the name Dr. Choi Hyun-mi?”

“Ah, she arrived first and is waiting.”

He gestured for Hae-won to follow. Trailing behind the waiter, Hae-won kept adjusting his clothes.

He had received a call from Ms. Choi Hyun-mi as he was leaving orchestra practice.

When he had been hospitalized at the hospital where Woo-jin’s mother worked due to a severe flu, they had exchanged phone numbers, with her saying she’d like to hear him perform sometime if the opportunity arose.

Woo-jin had smashed his phone, and her number had been lost too, but lately he’d been getting so many annoying calls he didn’t want to answer, yet he had a strange feeling about that unknown number, so answering it had been a stroke of luck.

The caller was Woo-jin’s mother, Ms. Choi Hyun-mi, completely unexpected.

She invited Hae-won to have dinner together, asking to keep it a secret from Woo-jin. She said she wanted to see him not as her son’s close hubae, but as a performer and a fan. It was a sudden proposal, but he couldn’t refuse Woo-jin’s mother.

Hae-won had rushed straight to the restaurant after work, and if Woo-jin had persistently asked, he was going to tell him, but since Woo-jin showed little interest, he planned to save the story of meeting Ms. Choi Hyun-mi as an amusing anecdote to surprise him with when he got home.

Woo-jin probably wouldn’t say much. He’d just ask if he greeted her well, say it was good if he was polite and well-mannered, and wouldn’t ask many questions. He was a bit odd in that way.

The waiter knocked and opened the door. A table was set on a separated outdoor terrace. Choi Hyun-mi, who had arrived first, was sitting at the outdoor table, looking around the well-manicured garden. She turned her head at the sound.

“Hello.”

“Come on in.”

“It’s been a long time.”

Hae-won bowed so politely that anyone would praise his manners and sat in the chair the waiter indicated. The waiter poured water halfway into the glass and asked.

“Are you ready to order?”

“Hae-won, what would you like to eat?”

“Last time you said to speak comfortably……”

“Ah, that’s right. What do you want to eat? Is there anything you’d like?”

“The T-bone course here is good, would you like that?”

“Then let’s have that.”

“How would you like it cooked?”

“I’ll have medium rare. And you, Mother?”

“Well-done for me. Instead of spaghetti, I’ll have risotto.”

“Would you like wine as well?”

“There’s a white wine we left here last time I came with Woo-jin seonbae. Please bring that.”

It was an Italian restaurant Woo-jin frequented. They hadn’t been here long ago. The remaining 2007 Montrachet Grand Cru from that time should still be here.

The waiter who took the order went outside, and Hae-won faced Choi Hyun-mi with an awkward feeling.

“Do you come here often with Woo-jin?”

“Ah, yes……. Seonbae’s tastes are a bit particular. He doesn’t like going just anywhere. We don’t come often, just occasionally.”

Hae-won was currently living with him. Woo-jin wasn’t the type to report every little detail like that to his mother, so she probably didn’t know.

He should have confessed to Woo-jin that he was meeting Ms. Choi Hyun-mi and gotten information in advance.

His mouth felt dry for no reason as he gulped water, regretting it belatedly. He had never been nervous in front of people, but Woo-jin’s mother was an exception.

He wanted to make a good impression on her. Anxiousness to be evaluated as a good person kept rising. Deciding it was better to speak less than to make a mistake, he resolved not to open his mouth until she spoke.

Choi Hyun-mi, who had been gazing intently at Hae-won, smoothed the tablecloth. After staring at Hae-won for a while, she asked.

“Does our Woo-jin treat you well?”

“……Pardon? Ah, yes. Seonbae treats me well.”

That’s not what she meant, she shook her head and spoke with a slightly solemn look in her eyes.

“I heard.”

“……Heard what?”

“That you moved to an apartment in Seocho-dong. That you decided to live together.”

“…….”

Woo-jin was the type to not just report every little detail to his mother, but to blabber everything, even things he shouldn’t say. Hae-won froze in embarrassment.

“I know you and our Woo-jin have a special relationship.”

“…….”

Hae-won had never told anyone connected by family ties, whether his own parents or others’ parents, that he was living with a man, nor did he want to.

Choi Hyun-mi had a kind look in her eyes without prejudice, but still, it wasn’t not that. As he uncomfortably averted his gaze, she spoke.

“It’s okay. I wanted to talk comfortably, which is why I asked to see you.”

“I’m sorry. It’s just……, so unexpected.”

“I didn’t know Woo-jin’s mouth was that loose, did you? Woo-jin doesn’t hide things from me that he believes are right. Meeting you must be one of those things.”

“…….”

No matter how upright he was, Hae-won hadn’t known Woo-jin would talk about such personal matters so casually to his mother.

They were mother and son, but they didn’t seem close or share a deep connection. They were distant, like many mother-son relationships. He had never seen Woo-jin talk to his mother on the phone when he was with him. Woo-jin didn’t even answer his own calls well during work hours. After work, since he was always with Hae-won, it meant he didn’t call his mother at all.

“Actually, at first I thought it was a bit strange. Woo-jin isn’t the type to bring someone into his home. He doesn’t even like me visiting……. That day, I was very surprised to see you at Woo-jin’s officetel.”

“Yes……”

“Back then, when he carried you, who was sick, to the hospital, he was so restless, so I thought you must be a hubae he cherishes a lot.”

“…….”

Embarrassed, Hae-won pursed his lips and said nothing. He kept his eyes downcast, watching only the flickering candle flame.

“I didn’t call you to tell you to think about your relationship or to break up, so don’t misunderstand.”

Only then did Hae-won look directly at Woo-jin’s mother. If it wasn’t that, there was no reason for her to separately invite the man living with her son to have a meal. Especially considering she was his mother, from a family that produced doctors on both the paternal and maternal sides, who couldn’t help but care about the family’s honor.

“I want to know how Woo-jin treats you.”

Hae-won tilted his head. Why would she need to know how Woo-jin treats his lover?

“I want to know how that child treats you, what it’s like when the two of you meet.”

“We’re both adults, you’re asking something too private.”

“Ah, sorry. So……, what I mean is……”

She moistened her lips with her tongue, trying to choose the right words in her mind.

As Hae-won looked at her curiously, the food arrived. Wine, bread, steaming soup, and cold salad were placed. The waiter came in, and the conversation, briefly interrupted, resumed after he left.

“Whether he’s dating normally well, whether our Woo-jin treats you well, whether he’s making someone else’s precious son suffer……, so, I want to know things like that.”

“I don’t understand what you mean.”

“That is, what I want to say is……”

Dating normally like others, coming to restaurants like this, drinking sweet wine, hiding in the car under the Han River bridges to enjoy secret rendezvous, whispering love under white bedding where a child might be conceived……

Hae-won and Woo-jin were dating in a way that was utterly ordinary. There was nothing less or more about it compared to others.

At first, they often argued because neither would yield to the other’s stance. After experiencing a big fight and conflict, they became careful.

At first, Hae-won tried absolutely not to get involved because he was the man his deceased friend had a crush on, but neither could resist the other.

After personally experiencing several times that acting on impulse led to situations he couldn’t handle, Hae-won corrected his willful and selfish personality. He didn’t act recklessly in front of him. Woo-jin also tried his best to be affectionate toward Hae-won and made an effort to make time.

After getting to know each other’s personalities, thanks to being careful and considerate, there weren’t many reasons to fight.

“Whether Woo-jin is normal……. No, no. Sorry. I’m just glad to hear you two are dating well. That’s enough.”

“…….”

Hae-won’s brow faintly furrowed. As if telling him not to mind her words, Choi Hyun-mi offered the soup, saying to eat before it got cold, and began her own meal.

Whether Woo-jin treats him well, whether he makes him suffer, whether he acts normally……

Normally……?

His mother was saying that her son was not normal. She was curious whether Hae-won knew about whatever problem Woo-jin had that made him not normal.

He increasingly couldn’t understand Choi Hyun-mi’s intentions. Although his personality was a bit twisted, Woo-jin was externally handsome and internally upright and solid. He was a man whose exterior and interior were both commendable enough for Hae-won to covet.

If Woo-jin had just been superficially good-looking, Hae-won probably wouldn’t have liked him this much.

Hae-won was the type to easily get bored; he had never been obsessed with anything or held onto regrets. If something came, it came; if it left, it left. He didn’t try to stop what came, nor did he cling obsessively to what was leaving. Being like that, he had no time to feel weary irritation toward Woo-jin.

Even after dating for over a year, Hae-won couldn’t guess Woo-jin’s wealth. He wasn’t the type of person to reveal an inferiority complex through ostentation and vanity. He had a simple personality that valued comfort, and though his job was honorable rather than highly lucrative, he worked with all his might. He lived dedicating himself to a society that didn’t even recognize him, gnawing away at his own flesh and blood.

Worn out by various troubles, he also had a vulnerable side that craved Hae-won’s comfort and love like a child. When Woo-jin leaned on him, Hae-won wanted to become a better person who could be a generous and warm comfort to him, and he strived to become that better person.

Woo-jin wasn’t just perfect in himself; he also made Hae-won that way.

He was a lovely, good man.

“I don’t really understand what you mean, but if you’re asking about seonbae, no, Woo-jin hyung……, hyung is a really good person. He’s so good that I don’t want to lose him.”

“…….”

Hae-won described the Woo-jin he knew, haltingly but honestly and bluntly.

He talked about how considerate he was, what kind of touch he used to wake him up in the morning, how he took care of what Hae-won needed without being told, yet didn’t just indulge him in everything, and how if Hae-won acted spoiled using his younger age as a weapon, Woo-jin didn’t shirk his role as the elder.

He was a solid supporter who cheered on his performance activities, and it was also Woo-jin who whipped Hae-won, who wasn’t used to living passionately, to keep him from falling apart.

Choi Hyun-mi listened quietly to Hae-won’s words without adding anything.

“When I said I wanted to stop putting money into my savings account, he said I should do it until the end, that the experience of completing something is more important than anything. So he even puts money into the savings account for me……. When I got my driver’s license, he gave me a hundred stars.”

“Stars? What are stars?”

“It’s our own way of expressing things. Hyung really struggles when he has to express abstract things in words. Especially things like ‘very very much,’ ‘really a lot,’ ‘truly a lot.’ If it’s not a precise numerical value, he gets flustered. So we decided to give stars. If you love a lot, a hundred stars. If we fight a bit, ten stars. If you get really angry, sometimes it goes into negative.”

“Negative?”

“When hyung smashed my phone, it was negative three hundred stars. It took a long time to recover. It wasn’t on purpose; he dropped it out the window while cleaning. Though it was more my fault for leaving it carelessly.”

“And?”

“And hyung doesn’t like Montrachet. Says it’s sweet……. But when we come here, this is all he drinks.”

Hae-won shook the wine glass in his hand. The white wine, about one-third full, sloshed gently. She also looked down at the wine that Woo-jin endured and drank for Hae-won. Staring intently at the wine glass, her eyes soon grew moist.

Could there be anyone as trivial as a mother to a son blinded by love?

In front of his mother, he had ended up boastfully rattling on about how well Woo-jin treated him. Hae-won hurriedly added.

“And hyung cares a lot about home too. He said…… he worries about Mother’s…… health.”

“Woo-jin did?”

“Yes. He also said Father should stay healthy too.”

“…….”

She gave a dry laugh. It was a laugh of disbelief. Choi Hyun-mi took a handkerchief from her handbag and gently pressed her damp eyes. She suppressed the emotions quietly rising up.

“Thank you. Thank you so much. For being there for Woo-jin……, thank you so much.”

Her choked voice spoke with sincerity.

Was this something to thank him for?

Hae-won had only insisted to his mother, who treated her son as strange and denied him, that Woo-jin wasn’t like that.

Hae-won couldn’t understand why she was saying such things. He just thought that maybe Woo-jin acted aloof and blunt in front of his mother like others do, even if he didn’t in front of him.

He finished the remaining white wine with Choi Hyun-mi. He wasn’t exactly drunk, but he needed to call a designated driver.

Until the moment she left first, Choi Hyun-mi treated Hae-won preciously, as if he were a benevolent person who had reformed her troublesome, wayward son, continuously thanking him while stroking his hand. Remembering that Choi Hyun-mi, Hae-won also got into the car driven by the designated driver.

Just how had he behaved at home for his mother to thank her son’s male lover as if he were a lifelong benefactor?

It wasn’t like there hadn’t been someone before……

His fiancée had been so devoted that she even chose the profession of doctor to become someone suitable for his family. Since the families had known each other for a long time, Choi Hyun-mi must have known her well too. His fiancée was a beautiful person, different from Hae-won, not just in wealth but also in looks, talent, and her heart for Woo-jin. That person was Woo-jin’s fiancée.

Hae-won grew increasingly puzzled.

The fact that Choi Hyun-mi, knowing Hae-won was the one living with Woo-jin, didn’t tear her hair out or throw water in his face was something to be grateful for.

He had never met the parents of anyone he dated; he had never even imagined being formally acknowledged by them and dating.

But Choi Hyun-mi begged Hae-won as if pleading, asking him to continue dating Woo-jin well, not to break up.

Was that even possible?

What would his own mother have done?

Hae-won’s biological mother, who had been involved in music, probably wouldn’t have outright opposed it, but she would have been displeased. That was normal. Especially for someone with as bright a future as Woo-jin, even more so.

Normal…… Did that mean it wasn’t?

Did it mean Woo-jin had some flaw, some fatal defect?

Hae-won closed his eyes. He was tired. His eyeballs ached. He squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them. Through the car window, the bustling summer night streets were rapidly receding. As he gazed outside, his phone rang. He rummaged through his pocket.

It was Professor Park Jong-hoon.

A weary sigh escaped him involuntarily. Hae-won answered the call.

“Yes.”

—This is Park Jong-hoon. Is it… okay to talk? Are you alone?

“Yes, it’s fine. Go ahead.”

—If you’re not busy, could we meet briefly today?

“Now?”

It was an ambiguous time to meet someone. An even more ambiguous time to meet someone he couldn’t exactly call close. The time displayed on the dashboard’s touchscreen had already passed nine at night.

—I’m scheduled to go abroad for a seminar tomorrow, so I don’t have time.

Park Jong-hoon said, a bit urgently, that if not now, he had no time.

“What is it about? If it’s about a performance, I can’t do it. The orchestra’s second-half schedule is already set.”

He said this while stroking the violin case placed on the seat beside him. From the other end of the phone, a hesitant-sounding breath scattered.

—No, it’s not that. There’s something I must tell you.

“Can’t you tell me over the phone?”

—It’s not something to discuss over the phone.

Hae-won slightly lowered the window. A warm breeze blew in, scattering his hair.

“I think I know what you want to say… I’m sorry, but I’m not interested.”

—Huh?

“I’m meeting someone. You saw that time.”

—Ah, no, that’s not it. Actually, it’s about that friend.

At the unexpected words, Hae-won quickly raised the car window. The car interior fell silent. The assistant manager driver, who had been focused solely on driving, glanced at Hae-won sitting in the back seat through the rearview mirror.

About that friend. It meant he had something to say about Woo-jin.

It seemed he could connect the vague threads of thought barely grasped in his mind with the concrete clues Park Jong-hoon was presenting.

“Where are you now?”

—I’m at the school. Can you come here?

“I’ll call you when I arrive.”

Hae-won informed the assistant manager driver of the changed destination. The car made a U-turn.

After driving for about twenty minutes, Hae-won’s car entered the university campus, where lights were sparsely lit in the research buildings. The car stopped in front of the music college. Hae-won handed the assistant manager driver the set fare plus ten thousand won extra.

When he contacted Park Jong-hoon, he hurriedly replied that he would come out soon. Hae-won, who had gotten out of the car, waited for him while feeling the summer breeze.

Perhaps Park Jong-hoon, who said he had something to say about Woo-jin, could explain the strange behavior of Woo-jin’s mother, who had acted as if Woo-jin had some fatal flaw.

Woo-jin hadn’t recognized him, but Park Jong-hoon seemed to know Woo-jin. His eyes, which had flinched upon seeing Woo-jin at the Jeju hotel, were vivid.

Not long after, Park Jong-hoon was seen approaching with quick steps. Hae-won, who had been leaning against the car, straightened his posture and greeted him.

“I’m sorry. For asking to meet at such a late hour.”

“It’s fine.”

“Shall we go inside?”

“No. Let’s talk here.”

The campus, where students had left, was shrouded in desolate silence and darkness. Park Jong-hoon then suggested they sit and talk, leading Hae-won to a nearby bench.

They sat on a bench placed under a large plane tree. A rustling sound, perhaps from a rodent moving nearby, was heard and then disappeared.

“How do you know Hyung Woo-jin, Professor?”

Hae-won asked bluntly. Park Jong-hoon looked at Hae-won and pursed his lips.

Hae-won was gradually engulfed by a strange sense of déjà vu.

Choi Hyun-mi was strange, and Park Jong-hoon was strange too.

They knew things he didn’t, and they worried about Hae-won, who didn’t know. They pitied him. There was something about Woo-jin that made Hae-won seem pitiable.

“Prosecutor Hyun Woo-jin… is actually my high school hubae.”

“Then why did you pretend not to know him? You saw him at the hotel that time.”

“…That’s… he probably wouldn’t remember me.”

He looked troubled. He was about to list complaints about Woo-jin, whom Hae-won was seeing.

Normally, Hae-won wouldn’t have listened. He would have ignored him. He would have treated him as trivial and insignificant. But the call from Park Jong-hoon, received on the way back from meeting his mother, was not the kind he could ignore.

“Did Hyung Woo-jin have something like a mental illness when he was in school?”

“Huh?”

“He’s a bit strange, right? You want to warn me about something now, right? About Hyun Woo-jin. Isn’t that it?”

“…Actually, yes. This might be a mistake, but Hae-won, you’re a violinist I’d definitely want to work with someday even if not now, and honestly, I contacted you because I’m worried about you.”

He spoke with a genuinely concerned expression, as if truly worried about him.

“Worried? About me? Why?”

By now, it seemed his thoughts were correct. It was clear Woo-jin had some fatal flaw.

“It feels a bit off to badmouth someone behind their back… but anyway, Hyun Woo-jin is a somewhat dangerous person.”

“So why? Is he a psychopath?”

“That’s not it, but…”

“Then what? A womanizer? Not just two-timing, but juggling like twenty people? Making everyone he meets cry and heartbroken, that sort of thing?”

Not taking it seriously, Hae-won attacked Park Jong-hoon with questions. He had resolved not to accept, to ignore, whatever he said about Woo-jin. Then Hae-won flinched.

Making everyone he meets cry, heartbroken… made them die.

Two people who said they loved him so much had committed suicide.

As Hae-won paused, recalling Woo-jin’s fiancée and Tae-shin, Park Jong-hoon sent him a look that was anything but ordinary, as if to say there was indeed something.

“There’s something strange, right?”

“It’s strange because there’s nothing strange. It’s strange because you’re acting strange, Professor.”

“How long have you been dating?”

“Over a year.”

“Didn’t you feel anything strange during that time?”

“I told you, there’s nothing. There’s nothing, but everyone talks as if he’s strange, why on earth…”

Hae-won was confused. There was nothing strange; Woo-jin was so affectionate, truly a good man, a lovely person. Yet everyone, even his mother, spoke as if he were strange.

“When I became a third-year, Hyun Woo-jin entered our school. He was the freshman representative then, and as you probably know, his ‘shell’ was so outstanding that he received a lot of attention. It was remarkable enough that even I, in the arts and physical education track who didn’t pay much attention to school, knew about him.”

Park Jong-hoon kept referring to people’s appearances as ‘shells,’ which was even stranger, but Hae-won didn’t interrupt him.

“Back then, there were bullies, and especially at our school, there were many cunning and cruel kids who acted up relying on their parents’ backgrounds. Hyun Woo-jin couldn’t have looked good in their eyes. I heard he was severely bullied. About a month or two after enrollment, before midterms, around that time.”

“What happened?”

“The kids who bullied Hyun Woo-jin… three of them died.”

“……”

“All three… died.”

“What does that have to do with Hyung? Do you have proof Hyung Woo-jin killed them? They probably messed around and died themselves.”

Even as he said this, Hae-won felt his heart sink. Park Jong-hoon stared blankly at Hae-won. He must have been recalling old events buried deep under the sediment of time.

The kids who bullied Woo-jin, the kids who died in accidents. Accidental deaths where the perpetrator was never uncovered, the ominous rumors that swirled bleakly through the school grounds.

There was no evidence anywhere that Woo-jin had done it.

“How could a seventeen-year-old kill three people? Even if he did kill them, he would have been caught. Are the police fools?”

“…Right. It must be an excessive thought.”

“……”

It still didn’t make sense. A seventeen-year-old, a kid who had barely shed his boyishness, killing three people? Park Jong-hoon also shook his head as if agreeing with Hae-won’s words that it didn’t make sense, that it couldn’t be.

Park Jong-hoon, who had been looking down at his own feet lost in thought, continued.

“But strangely, everyone said Hyun Woo-jin did it. Even I, who had never seen Hyun Woo-jin more than a few times, knew it that way. That he killed them.”

“Everyone must have been looking for someone to pin it on. Three kids died, so someone had to take responsibility, so they framed the easy target, Hyung Woo-jin, right?”

Hae-won defended Woo-jin. Recalling the hardships a mere seventeen-year-old must have endured, he felt sorry for him. He sympathized with him with all his might. And in doing so, he tried to ignore the anxiety smoldering like blue smoke in one corner of his chest. He deliberately pretended not to know it, insisting Woo-jin couldn’t have done it, Woo-jin wasn’t that kind of person, and instead grew angry at the cruelty of the people who had framed the victimized him, finding it utterly unbelievable.

“When Director Seo Okhwa mentioned Hyun Woo-jin’s name, I thought, ‘Oh no.’ I passed it off, thinking it must be someone with the same name. Seeing Hyun Woo-jin standing with you at the hotel that day, I was so startled… and scared.”

“……”

Park Jong-hoon shuddered as if the blade of a murderer had narrowly grazed the nape of his neck.

“There’s something I heard at an alumni gathering.”

“What now?”

“That his fiancée committed suicide…”

“That has nothing to do with Hyung Woo-jin. I know. She was badly injured in a car accident and committed suicide out of despair over it. Not because of Hyung Woo-jin.”

“That’s what I heard too. But do you know what’s really strange?”

Hae-won didn’t want to hear his words anymore. He wanted to cover his ears, but could do nothing, only watching Park Jong-hoon open his mouth with a bewildered face as if he himself couldn’t believe it.

“Back then, three kids died, and one of them was a suicide. The kid who bullied and harmed Hyun Woo-jin, raging without distinguishing heaven from earth, hanged himself with his own hands.”

“……”

“What I want to say is not that Hyun Woo-jin did it. It’s just that… for it to be a coincidence, there are too many dead people around him.”

“……”

Hae-won knew another such person that Park Jong-hoon didn’t know.

It was Tae-shin.

After saying such things, Park Jong-hoon shook his head as if he himself were confused, made the absurd request to pretend he hadn’t heard, to forget it, and left.

Hae-won sat dazedly in the car. The pounding of his heart that had started the moment Park Jong-hoon said three had died did not subside.

He, who would usually scoff rather than be startled by most things, who hadn’t even cried much while holding his mother’s funeral when she passed away—now, as if a latch had come undone, all barriers collapsed, and the anxiety and fear that shook his body would not cease.

Hae-won believes what he sees and hears what he hears. Others’ personal opinions are just that. The Woo-jin he knew was at least not that kind of person.

Just this morning, how was it?

When Hae-won said he had slept wrong and his neck and shoulders were stiff, Woo-jin spent a long time massaging Hae-won’s nape and shoulders. He rubbed his shoulders, asking if this helped loosen them, and when Hae-won said it still hurt, he carefully massaged his nape, then kissed his shoulder and tickled him. Pinned under him, Hae-won struggled and laughed, and before he knew it, the dull pain pressing on his shoulder had disappeared.

They’re really strange people. Choi Hyun-mi, Park Jong-hoon… They misunderstand him. Park Jong-hoon might be excusable, but Choi Hyun-mi—her strange tone, her question about whether her son was ordinary, her odd behaviors…

Unconsciously shaking his head and muttering ‘No,’ Hae-won heard his phone ring and, as if pushed off a cliff from behind, startled and his whole body flinched. The name on the screen was the very person who had been pressing down on Hae-won all along, not letting the trembling stop. Hae-won brought the phone to his ear.

“…Yeah.”

—Where are you? Why aren’t you coming?

“On my way. I had some wine.”

—Mother said she already arrived. Said it’s been a while since you parted.

“…Did you know I met Choi Hyun-mi?”

—I talked to Mother.

She had told Hae-won not to tell Woo-jin. It seemed Choi Hyun-mi, after advising Hae-won so, had herself revealed to him that she had met Hae-won.

If not that…

Then Woo-jin would know everything, like their meeting, omnisciently and omnipotently, even without the parties involved.

Because he knows everything.

What paintings Hae-won likes, what food he likes, what music he likes…

Which hotel room he stays in, which positions he likes—he knows it all.

“I had wine, so I’ll drive after I sober up.”

—Call a driver.

“No can do. It’s a new car. I’ll drive.”

—…You didn’t meet someone, did you?

“Who would I meet at this hour?”

It felt like being interrogated for a crime. His heart pounded.

—Hae-won-ah.

“Yeah…”

—Call a driver. Don’t drive.

“I’m sober now. I’ll come now.”

—You’re not driving after drinking. Call a driver.

“Okay. I’ll call one. I won’t drive.”

—Come quickly.

As soon as he ended the call with him, he called a driver. And then he called Woo-jin’s mother. He hoped she wouldn’t answer. If the vague suspicions in his heart gained substance and surged over him like icy blue water, if those ominous thoughts were not ‘what ifs’ but facts, Hae-won knew better than anyone that he was not the vessel to handle such things.

She answered the phone.

—Hae-won? You’re not home yet? Is something wrong?

“No. I was just calling to see if you got home safely. I’m taking a walk to sober up before driving myself home.”

—You won’t get caught for drinking that much wine.

“Still. I got my license not long ago, so I should be careful.”

Her voice was light and cheerful, as if she had put down a heavy burden. Hae-won’s face was faintly reflected in the dark car window.

“By any chance, did you tell Hyung about meeting me today?”

—Woo-jin called. I thought you told him?

“…Yes. Actually, I did. We’re not the kind to lie to each other. I… really hate lying.”

—Right, it’s good not to tell even small lies to each other. Trust must be built for a relationship to last long.

Choi Hyun-mi gave good advice. Hae-won nodded in agreement. He exchanged farewells with her and hung up.

Shortly after, sitting in the car driven by the driver, Hae-won was taken somewhere. It was the penthouse where he lived with Woo-jin.

After taking a long shower, Hae-won didn’t leave the bathroom but stood silently before the mirror. Moisture dripped from his wet hair, dampening his pale nape and flowing down over his shoulders to his chest.

Park Jong-hoon’s words might be true. No, perhaps the incident back then was just malicious rumors inflated by envy, wanting to tarnish a brilliant existence.

But as he said, too many people… an unreasonably large number of people had died for it to be a coincidence.

Knock, knock. The pale face in the mirror flinched. Hae-won turned his head. Neither he nor Woo-jin locked the bathroom door when showering. Hae-won had rarely locked doors in his life. Yet he was startled by the fact that the door wasn’t locked. The door opened, and Woo-jin entered, bathed in the bathroom’s distinctive light.

“What are you doing?”

“Just looking in the mirror.”

At his words, Woo-jin chuckled. It was a handsome, splendid smile. A freshman representative with such a smile deserved envy. It was a smile perfectly suited to act as kindling, igniting the inferiority and jealousy of a teenager who must have lived a privileged life at home. He was a radiant being wherever he went. Where there is strong light, there are deep shadows.

“Seeing it anew, do you like your own face?”

“…Am I pretty?”

At his teasing words, Hae-won didn’t laugh but turned his gaze back to the mirror. The mirror, wiped clean without a speck of dust, captured the images of Hae-won and Woo-jin unfiltered.

Woo-jon looked at Hae-won in the mirror.

One corner of his lips, as if recalling something, curled up. He slowly traced Hae-won’s cheek and wet hair. His thumb brushed past long eyelashes. Hae-won closed and opened his eyes. In the mirror, their eyes met.

“Why, did someone say you’re pretty?”

“Between us, who’s prettier?”

Instead of answering Woo-jin’s question, Hae-won asked. Woo-jin alternately gazed at his own face and then Hae-won’s face. He announced the result of his careful consideration.

“If I had to give a score, it would be me.”

“Why?”

“Because no one would set your face as their phone wallpaper.”

Hae-won had captured a broadcast screen showing him leaving the Central District Prosecutors’ Office for lunch and set it as his laptop wallpaper, and his phone wallpaper too. It was blurry, but it was unmistakably Woo-jin.

Hae-won could pick him out instantly among all those prosecutors. He shone even in a crowd.

“Choi Hyun-mi knows we’re living together.”

“Ah.”

“You talk about that with Choi Hyun-mi too? She’s incredibly open-minded, to the point of having no prejudice at all. She’s really cool. She said, ‘Live happily with your Hyung. Trust each other without lying.'”

“She said that?”

He just smiled. Hae-won and Woo-jin continued their conversation while looking at each other’s reflections in the mirror.

“Hyung, do you want to have a formal meeting with our father too?”

“Should I? ‘Sir, may I take care of Hae-won?’ Should I ask like that?”

“Our stepmother would go crazy. Even though she’s the one who rolled in from nowhere, she’d be poking our father’s side, trying to get me removed from the family register.”

“Sounds fun. I’ll handle all the legal issues.”

“…Right. That would be really funny.”

Leaning against Woo-jin’s arm wrapped around his shoulder, Hae-won looked into the mirror.

It wasn’t that he suddenly wanted to see a pretty face; it was that they were a couple that was surprisingly, perfectly matched. He had initially rejected and ignored the man Tae-shin had loved to death, but ended up liking him. And in the end, he had placed him right here by his side.

As mine, as my person.

“How much wine did you drink that you couldn’t even drive?”

“We finished everything we had left that time.”

“You must have been in a good mood with Mother. You two seem to get along subtly well.”

“Yeah… He greeted her very politely too.”

“That’s good then.”

He knew I had met Park Jong-hoon. He knew, but didn’t ask. Didn’t even probe. Woo-jin kissed the top of Hae-won’s head and released his shoulder.

As he left the bathroom, Hae-won turned on the faucet. The water flowed down alone, making a sound. Hae-won raised his eyes to the mirror.

“A person who couldn’t possibly… a person who shouldn’t be able to… a person who can’t like anyone… Could such a person exist in this world?”

He muttered to himself, staring intently at his own reflection in the mirror.

He wasn’t looking at himself in the mirror, but at Tae-shin beyond it. Lee Tae-shin, who had called Hae-won to the school backyard and spilled his heart out without caring about Hae-won’s feelings.

「I have someone I like. Should I tell them? Shouldn’t I? What do you do in such a situation?」

“Don’t tell them. That person doesn’t like you.”

「I really like that person. I think I really love that man.」

“…That person doesn’t like you.”

It was that he didn’t love him.

Tae-shin had realized that Woo-jin didn’t love him.

「The confidence that the person likes you back, asking if you could undress in front of them.」

“Did Woo-jin Hyung… play with you?”

「Hae-won.」

「I couldn’t sleep. I called thinking I’d talk to you.」

「Hae-won.」

“You realized he doesn’t love you.”

When he blinked, a dry tear plopped down his cheek.

∞ ∞ ∞

“What are you looking at so intently?”

Jeong Ho-myung approached Woo-jin, who was looking at his phone, and matched his pace.

“A weekend drama.”

“……”

On the phone screen, a male actor was lying on a bed, looking down lovingly at a female actor stretching as she just woke up. Soon, the male actor kissed the female actor’s hair. Wind fluttered in through the open window. The sight of the beautiful couple tangled on the bed between the swaying white curtains was a picture that was enchanting just to look at.

Jeong Ho-myung glanced at the phone video, let out a soft ‘huh,’ and then asked him, who was focused on the screen with a surprised face.

“Did you perhaps have a blind date with this actress?”

“What?”

Woo-jin slightly raised his eyes and stared at Jeong Ho-myung.

“I asked if you had a blind date with this female lead.”

“What nonsense.”

“But why are you watching something like this, Seonbae?”

“Don’t you think it’s weirder to make that inference just because I’m watching something like this?”

“So you’re saying it’s not?”

“Of course not.”

Woo-jin was seeing someone now. A blind date with someone else? He didn’t have the mind for it, nor did he want to spend time or energy on such things.

He had to allocate a certain portion of his spare capacity to making Hae-won continuously desire him. Learning and putting into practice the ideal forms of romance through weekend dramas like this was also part of that effort.

“Did you like dramas like this? Seonbae?”

As if it was completely unexpected, Jeong Ho-myung seemed somewhat baffled.

“Can’t I watch whatever I want as I please?”

He replied nonchalantly and turned off the video.

Such videos had been a great help in his relationship with Hae-won. Mimicking others’ behavior was important. The fastest way to blend in among people was also to mimic those with good affinity.

Now, Woo-jin was in a position where he didn’t need to employ such techniques, and except for special cases, he didn’t try to blend into organizations by imitating others, but Hae-won was always an exception.

Woo-jin and Hae-won were now developing perfectly in the direction and manner he desired. They were a picture-perfect couple, just like those on screen.

Woo-jin checked the received message. Photos of Hae-won’s movements and his appearance had come from Ja-seok.

Jeong Ho-myung peeked at his phone again with a curious gaze. Woo-jin pressed the phone to his chest so he couldn’t see.

“Turn off your interest in me and focus on your own work.”

“Sorry.”

Even though Jeong Ho-myung awkwardly took a step back, Woo-jin changed his posture so he couldn’t see and looked at the screen.

Hae-won, with a violin case slung over his shoulder, was passing through the concert hall’s main entrance with a face that seemed a bit more languid than usual today.

Woo-jin’s lips drew a faint arc as he gazed intently at the phone displaying the photo.

It was a morning no different from usual.

Ja-seok had been tailing Hae-won’s car from the underground parking lot. He followed, taking photos with his phone to see if he was going in a direction that deviated from his schedule, what he looked like, what expression he had, and sent them to Woo-jin every two hours as promised.

He took a photo of Moon Hae-won getting out of the car and entering the concert hall as usual. With that, the morning routine was over.

He thought the morning schedule had ended without incident, but Hae-won, who had been walking normally, suddenly stopped in his tracks and turned his head.

Ja-seok, who had just taken a photo and was lowering his phone, made direct eye contact with Hae-won. Ja-seok flinched. Hae-won, who had been staring straight at him, quickly approached his car parked by the roadside. As Ja-seok pretended not to know and tried to roll up the window and step on the accelerator to escape on the spot, Hae-won blocked the front of his car.

Ja-seok gripped the steering wheel tightly with both hands and bowed his head. Hae-won, who had approached the driver’s seat, tapped, tapped on the window. When there was no response, the tapping sound grew irritably louder. Ja-seok rolled down the window.

“What’s the matter?”

Ja-seok asked, putting on an innocent face and feigning ignorance. Moon Hae-won opened his mouth expressionlessly.

“Let’s talk, stalker ahjussi.”

“…What do you mean?”

“It’s all recorded on the black box, you following me from the apartment parking lot. Want to go to the police station with that? Or do you want to settle it with me?”

“You seem to have some misunderstanding. I came here because I have business here too.”

“For three days?”

“……”

“What business do you have here?”

His probing eyes were heavily shadowed with interrogation and suspicion.

“I’m not that kind of person. I really came here because I have business.”

“Do you live in that apartment?”

“Huh? Yes… I live there.”

“A person like you can’t live there.”

Hae-won’s eyes scanned him like needles. Soon, Hae-won’s gaze returned to Ja-seok’s face. Someone like you can’t live in a place like that. His eyes said. As if he had swallowed chaff, his throat felt scratchy, and Ja-seok kept swallowing dry saliva.

“Stop and get out.”

Don’t drag this out, just get out now, Hae-won made an irritated gesture.

Having moved to a nearby café, Ja-seok was looking at Hae-won, who sat across from him with a dark, cowed face, sipping coffee through a straw and checking his phone.

Except for the corner table where Ja-seok and Hae-won were sitting, there were no customers in the café during the morning hours. It was dreary, with no sound except the music playing in the shop.

There was no change in Hae-won’s expression as he checked each message and photo Ja-seok had sent to Woo-jin one by one. From start to finish, with the same cold, downcast eyes, he only moved his hands to read the messages.

“…So Hyun Woo-jin never came to my concert even once. Instead, he listened and even sent a review? What kind of review is this? It’s terrible. He should study and write better.”

“……”

He had, of all things, not deleted the messages or photos he had reported to Woo-jin. The records from the day Ja-seok started tailing Hae-won until today remained intact. Woo-jin had periodically asked him to delete them several times, but thinking nothing would happen, he had negligently ignored it, which was a mistake.

Ja-seok’s hands, placed on his knees, clenched into fists and trembled slightly. Getting caught by the person involved wasn’t the problem. The Hae-won Ja-seok had been observing wasn’t a particularly threatening presence. He was just a violinist born to wealthy parents, living his life enjoying himself without any hardship. But if Hyun Woo-jin found out about this… It was a terrifying thought. Ja-seok’s face crumpled as he let out a breath of defeat.

“What’s this, was it this person’s doing that I couldn’t get on the flight for my staycation?”

“……”

“The person who told me to delete his number and not contact him if I called… What an actor. Right? I thought that was real and cried like that. I thought I was really being dumped.”

Hae-won raised an eyebrow toward the frozen Ja-seok. Checking the messages Ja-seok sent to Woo-jin one by one, Hae-won occasionally let out a deflated laugh as if reading an interesting news article. That laugh was excessively dry and destructive, making the watching Ja-seok anxious.

Sipping coffee through a straw, Hae-won took a long time to check all of Ja-seok’s reported past activities. After checking the last content sent this morning, Hae-won placed Ja-seok’s phone on the table with a thud, as if throwing away a messy object. Ja-seok was on pins and needles, staring at his lonely phone as if it were a bomb.

An awkward silence flowed. While intensely gauging the mood of Hae-won, who was blankly looking out the window, Ja-seok reached out to carefully retrieve his phone. Hae-won, who had been looking out the window, opened his mouth. Ja-seok’s hand stopped and returned to his lap.

“I used to think there was no hierarchy among professions. But now I see there is. There are also people who make a living doing things like this. Well, there are people whose job is to kill, so something like this is nothing.”

“…I’m sorry. I’ve worked as a source for Prosecutor Hyun for a long time. I thought Moon Hae-won was a suspect in a case. I’ve only been following people like that until now.”

Ja-seok appealed his own sense of unfairness.

“To anyone looking, it’s a crazy man with pathological jealousy surveilling his own wife, and you thought I was a suspect?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Since when have you been following me?”

“Since last autumn… Around October, I guess.”

Even forming words and uttering them was difficult. Ja-seok grimaced as much as he could.

“Since after we broke up.”

“……”

“By any chance, were you at the orchestra concert when Henry Chang came to Korea before that? Henry Chang, you know? The violinist.”

At Hae-won’s question, Ja-seok, who had been looking only at his phone placed at an ambiguous distance, raised his head. Hae-won stared straight at him. His eyes were calm for someone facing the entity that had been surveilling him for so long. As if he had known.

Ja-seok pondered Hae-won’s question. He struggled to remember when that was. Seeing Ja-seok tilting his head as if he couldn’t remember well, Hae-won told him the approximate time.

“It was early last year.”

“Are you talking about that Korean violinist who couldn’t speak Korean well? It was probably Brahms, right?”

As the saying goes, even a dog that spends three years at a school can recite poems; Ja-seok, who couldn’t even distinguish between a violin and a viola, could now tell Brahms from Bruch after following Hae-won around so much.

“Back then too, you were surveilling me and reporting what I was doing to Prosecutor Hyun Woo-jin?”

“…Yes. I thought it was important.”

「Did he really come?」

「Don’t tell me you had that gloomy face because you thought I didn’t come?」

「Who’s gloomy?」

「You were sitting there gloomily. You couldn’t concentrate and turned two pages of the score at once. You didn’t notice the woman next to you glaring at you, did you? You missed about three measures in the second movement. Luckily, you concentrated during Brahms. Making the expression I like.」

「…I thought you didn’t come.」

“So you were the one who came back then too. Not Hyun Woo-jin. Never… not even once did he ever come to see me.”

“……”

Ja-seok, who had watched classical performances he didn’t even like, reporting what expression Hae-won made, what actions he took, who he talked to, didn’t even know what kind of affair he was being used in.

Hae-won had decided to undress in front of Woo-jin back then. Hae-won had acknowledged his own feelings of liking Woo-jin back then.

That was when.

When he felt love for Woo-jin, whom he had rejected, and decided to accept it.

“How much do you get paid?”

Hae-won asked Ja-seok. Ja-seok loosened the tight grip of his fist.

“I’m sorry it turned out this way. I only thought it was a job surveilling a suspect. At first… at first, I really thought that.”

“I asked how much you get paid.”

“…I’m sorry, Moon Hae-won.”

“I’ll give you double, no, triple what you get from Hyun Woo-jin. Keep surveilling me. But from now on, report as I tell you to. You also don’t want Hyun Woo-jin to know this fact as much as I do, right? Because you’ll have to keep making a living doing this lowly job.”

“……”

“So shut up and do as I say from now on.”

Hae-won slid the phone toward him. Ja-seok, who had been hesitating, picked up the phone, which suddenly felt heavy as if weight had been added.

“You don’t have to give me money. Just don’t let the prosecutor know… the prosecutor mustn’t know. Please keep it a secret only from the prosecutor.”

“What are you so afraid of? If you expose that it was a prosecutor who commissioned illegal surveillance, that’s it, what are you afraid of? You should be most afraid of your money being cut off.”

“I almost did prison time… the prosecutor stopped it.”

“So you had his weakness and were using him as you pleased. Ordering him around like this and that.”

“……”

“If he finds out you’ve been caught, he’ll probably send you to jail, stalker ahjussi. Because you’re useless now. Right?”

Ja-seok nodded vaguely, thinking he probably would. The evidence of crimes Woo-jin held could kill Ja-seok or save him.

“That kind of thing shouldn’t happen. If something like that happens, I’ll sue you too. Do you know what aggravated punishment means? From the moment you became Hyun Woo-jin’s dog, you were already in a position where you couldn’t escape.”

“…Moon Hae-won.”

Hae-won looked at Ja-seok, who called his name appealing for sympathy, with contempt.

“So keep it from that bastard. Because if that bastard finds out, it’ll be hard for me too.”

Ja-seok returned with a sorrowful gesture of being dragged into a quagmire.

Hae-won was sitting alone in the café.

He did nothing.

He just breathed and watched the people busily coming and going on the street.

Everything about him was a lie.

Even though he saw it with his own eyes, he couldn’t believe it. Including this morning when nothing had really happened, Hae-won’s identical daily routine was being reported to him accurately every two hours, as if the National Intelligence Service were surveilling a North Korean spy.

Every day after the breakup, and occasionally before that too.

He had never come to a concert even once. He had deceived Hae-won with thorough lies.

What Park Jong-hoon said, and what his mother said about her son not being normal, were all true.

There was no need to lie to that extent in the first place, but everything except Woo-jin’s outward appearance was a lie, and he had approached Hae-won while deceiving him.

It was a lie. Everything was a lie.

As Hae-won sat there dazed, lost in such thoughts, the scene from the day he first saw him flashed through his mind.

He was at a hotel with So-young, Ha-young’s younger sister. She had called him “Mr. Woo-jin.” They were sitting arm-in-arm, like an affectionate couple. And they had ridden the same elevator with Hae-won up to the fortieth floor, where the suites were located.

Having him watched, hanging the painting Hae-won had considered buying but didn’t in the living room, never attending a single one of his concerts, rendering him useless and paralyzed when they were apart—yes, all of that could be forgiven.

Up to that point, he could let it slide, insisting it was because Woo-jin didn’t know how to handle a relationship that wasn’t normal, that he had done those things in his own way because he wanted to do something about Hae-won, stubbornly clinging to that excuse. But this issue was different.

If this ominous premonition—this premonition that was always ominous and always turned out to be true—was fact, then Hae-won was determined to kill Woo-jin.

Having reached a conclusion he didn’t want to accept, Hae-won picked up his phone and called someone.

“It’s me, Auntie.”

—Hae-won, what’s going on? You left without even staying for the after-party.

Seo Okhwa’s voice came through the receiver. True to her former status as a world-renowned soprano, her voice had a high tone, but it wasn’t an unpleasant timbre. It was clear and pure.

“You haven’t left for the States yet, right? Where are you?”

—At the house in Hannam-dong. I have some things to sort out before I go.

“Then make me something delicious. I’ll come over.”

—Is something wrong?

“I just wanted to say goodbye before you leave.”

—Alright, then. I’ll prepare lunch.

Hae-won hung up and rose from the seat where he had been rooted.

The day Woo-jin had lied about being on duty, he actually had a dinner appointment scheduled with President Kim Jeong-geun. Even after his fiancée’s death, Woo-jin had maintained his relationship with them.

Normally, if a fiancée dies—not from an accident, but by suicide—it’s natural to avoid seeing each other because it hurts, reminding you of the deceased each time. Deliberately distancing oneself would have been considerate, but Woo-jin didn’t do that.

He must have had no idea what it felt like for people to feel uncomfortable remembering the deceased together.

There was no remaining ambition he could fulfill within Han-gyeong Group, yet he was on exceptionally close terms with the chairman. And Kim Jeong-geun had received a seven-year prison sentence. The group’s strategic office had gone to Woo-jin.

His fiancée dies, and if some stroke of luck follows, could such a thing happen?

At the very least, Hyun Woo-jin was not the type of person to idly wait, hoping for luck and coincidence. Denying the word ‘coincidence’ was the fastest way to approach the truth. From now on, Hae-won decided not to associate coincidence with Woo-jin.

Hae-won arrived at Kim Jeong-geun’s residence, where he had once visited before, and rang the bell. He was guided inside by the female manager he had seen back then. Even though Kim Jeong-geun, Seo Okhwa, and their daughter Kim So-young were no longer there, his residence still seemed well-maintained by professional hands.

“Come on in.”

Seo Okhwa, who had been sorting something in the living room, looked up at Hae-won.

“What are you doing?”

“Just sorting things… Want some tea? Please bring us some tea.”

The helper bowed at her words and turned away. Hae-won sat on the sofa. The mansion seemed empty except for Seo Okhwa and the live-in staff. With just the two of them in the spacious living room, the surrounding air felt chilly.

“Have you visited the President?”

“I went yesterday. Maybe because he’s resting and not working, his complexion looked even better. It’s so frustrating it’s driving me crazy. What can I do? If he had listened to Woo-jin earlier, this wouldn’t have happened. That man is so arrogant, heaven is punishing him.”

“What did Woo-jin Seonbae say?”

“He told him not to pick a fight with the prosecution. Do you think our man would listen to such advice? Anyway, the people in this house don’t listen to others.”

“Are you saying it ended up like this because he ignored Seonbae’s advice?”

“That’s not all of it, but it played a big part. A man who’s lived his whole life thinking everything in the world goes his way, do you think he’d listen to a prosecutor? He doesn’t even listen to me well?”

Whatever it was, Kim Jeong-geun’s arrest was not unrelated to Woo-jin. Woo-jin must have calculated in advance that Kim Jeong-geun wouldn’t heed his opinion.

If he was that thorough with someone like me, who had nothing but my body to offer, he must have been even more so with Kim Jeong-geun and Han-gyeong Group. Kim So-young must have been part of his plan too.

Hae-won was gradually accepting his ominous premonition as fact. He wanted to tear his chest apart.

Seo Okhwa’s hands grew rough, as if she was going mad with frustration over the stubborn President Kim Jeong-geun. She vented her anger on the clothes she was holding, tossing them carelessly into a box. Then, as if realizing her mistake, she carefully picked them up again and smoothed them with a precious touch. They were women’s clothes.

“Are you packing clothes to take with you?”

It seemed she was packing for her move to the States. With a face that had grown somber, Seo Okhwa sipped the tea the helper had brought.

She carefully arranged the clothes in the box, then unfolded a blouse and gazed at it with affectionate eyes for a long time.

“They’re our daughter’s clothes. I’m sorting them to put away.”

“Who, So-young?”

“No, our Ha-young…”

“……”

“Our baby, the prettiest and kindest in the world. She didn’t take after me or her father, that’s how kind she was… What wrong did that kind, pretty girl do… I think maybe heaven took her because I loved her too much. Sometimes I think that. Because I loved her too much, because I cherished her too much, I incurred heaven’s jealousy.”

“…You’re only sorting them now?”

It had already been years since her death, but she was only now sorting through her belongings. Even if centuries passed, the death of her beloved daughter seemed to hurt her as if it had happened just yesterday. There is grief that time cannot cover, and tears that never dry no matter how much they flow. That is what a child’s death is to a parent.

“No, I think Woo-jin cleaned out the penthouse. He left it untouched for so long… Woo-jin must have needed time too. It was the house they were preparing to move into as newlyweds. Even after Ha-young passed, Woo-jin didn’t dispose of it and kept it. You don’t know how happy Ha-young was decorating that house. What’s so great about leaving your mother’s arms to get married… That bad girl. I don’t remember ever seeing Ha-young that happy.”

Seo Okhwa recalled going furniture shopping with her daughter, buying dishes together. It was a long time ago, but the memory was still vivid. Her tastes were the complete opposite of her daughter, who liked simple things, so she often argued with Ha-young while setting up her new home.

“You’ve heard about Woo-jin and our Ha-young’s engagement, right?”

“…Yes. I heard from Seonbae.”

Hae-won answered in a whisper, his pupils blank.

That penthouse… It was the newlywed home they were going to move into after getting married.

He had known from the start that the bedding that seemed fit for having children and the fluttering curtains weren’t his taste.

Ah, Hae-won tightly shut his eyes.

Seo Okhwa buried her face for a long time in Ha-young’s pale pink blouse, from which any scent had long since vanished. Barely suppressing the tears that threatened to burst forth whenever she thought of her daughter, she now placed Ha-young’s scentless clothes into the box.

She looked at Hae-won, who was just sitting quietly. Hae-won had a vacant expression, his gaze fixed on nothing in particular.

“Hae-won?”

“…Yes?”

Hae-won’s spirit, which had been wandering dazedly with his eyes open, returned to reality.

“What are you thinking so hard about? Is something wrong?”

“…No. Nothing’s wrong.”

“But why did you suddenly want to see me? You disappeared without even staying for the after-party, and you’re usually so aloof.”

“I thought it would be hard to see you again once you go to the States. I just wanted to say goodbye.”

“Since when did you know such etiquette? You’ll come again when our man has his Supreme Court hearing, right?”

As if praising him for saying something admirable, Seo Okhwa smiled without formality. Hae-won, who had been sitting blankly, asked.

“…Seonbae. Woo-jin Seonbae.”

“What about Woo-jin?”

Seo Okhwa, who had recently received Ha-young’s belongings that had been left forgotten in the penthouse from Woo-jin, calmly sorted her items as she asked in return.

“It feels like I’m overstepping by saying this.”

“What do you want to say? Feel free.”

“That So-young likes Woo-jin Seonbae… you know, right?”

“……”

Seo Okhwa let out a light sigh. Hae-won’s fingertips were trembling. Please, let that at least be a lie, please don’t let it be that, Hae-won began praying to everything.

“It seems Woo-jin and our family are fated to be inseparable.”

Seo Okhwa spoke in a voice that sounded hollow, as if she had given up and let something go.

“Maybe that’s why it took time to clean out the penthouse. Out of guilt towards Ha-young, on his part… No, maybe he tried to prevent such a thing from happening.”

“What… do you mean?”

Please, not that, not what I’m thinking, Hae-won asked, unconsciously shaking his head slowly.

“Our So-young is clearly thinking about marriage. She says she hates blind dates and introductions and all that. It must be because of Woo-jin. But Woo-jin himself doesn’t seem interested. How did both my daughters end up like this? The man should like them more, but they’re the ones who like him more.”

She complained as if it was driving her crazy.

“When that man’s incident happened, Woo-jin told So-young to leave Korea because he was worried about what would happen to her. Since So-young needs to continue her studies anyway, he said it would be good to put some distance between them and think things over, or so I heard.”

“You knew… that they were meeting?”

At Hae-won’s question, Seo Okhwa showed no surprise at all.

“I had a feeling.”

“……”

“Having watched Ha-young and Woo-jin for so long… I could tell just by looking at So-young’s eyes.”

“Are you okay with it?”

“At first, it was absolutely unacceptable. For Ha-young’s sake too, it absolutely couldn’t happen. I intended to pretend not to know until the end. But after that man’s incident, I realized we couldn’t manage without Woo-jin. So-young, me, our man… Once So-young finishes her studies and our man gets a reduced sentence and comes out, we should marry her off. That seems like the way it has to be. For now, since the two are keeping quiet, I’m pretending not to know and waiting.”

The unpredictable ways of the world flow in unexpected directions, this way and that. Having experienced so many things, Seo Okhwa spoke with detachment, as if marrying her deceased older sister’s fiancé to her younger sister was nothing, as if it had just ended up that way.

Having been humiliated before the entire nation and endured the disgrace and shame of her husband going to prison, it seemed nothing much felt like a big deal anymore.

“So that’s how it was. Seonbae was worried. He probably doesn’t know you’re aware of all this.”

The blueprint of the desire he had been dreaming of was almost complete. Hae-won nodded, saying it was good, that they were a good match.

“Woo-jin really cherishes his hubae, it seems. Woo-jin is so stubborn, I’ve never seen him be close to anyone privately. That was always a worry for us.”

“Seonbae has so many people he’s close to.”

“I guess as you get older, all the rough edges get smoothed out and you become round. It’s lucky for So-young, I suppose. Ha-young was too submissive to Woo-jin; watching them made me so frustrated I thought I’d go crazy. Just ‘yes, yes, yes, oppa, yes, yes, yes. Do as you please, oppa, whatever you like is fine. Just fine, fine.’ Ugh, but So-young takes after me, she has a temper.”

Seo Okhwa spoke as if chatting with a like-minded friend. Hae-won occasionally laughed or nodded, playing along with her words.

After lunch, Hae-won bid his final farewell to Seo Okhwa.

“Come visit us in New York sometime. You don’t know how beautiful it is to look down at Central Park from our apartment at night. Of course, it’s nice during the day too. I’ll show you around.”

“I’d like to rest too. If I can go, I’ll contact you.”

“…Everyone dies, but not everyone has that talent. Keep practicing the violin hard. I asked the Concertmaster, and he said you’re not accepting offers? What’s the reason God gives talent? He gives it to be shared.”

“Am I that good? You said I was gifted. But you said I was nothing compared to Henry Chang.”

“There are different kinds of genius. Henry Chang has his charm, and Hae-won has his own. Didn’t you hear what Professor Park said? Why is classical music so unpopular? It’s because people like Hae-won neglect their talents.”

“I’ll get going. Take care, Auntie. Stay healthy.”

“Alright, you take care too, Hae-won. I’ll contact you when I come to Korea.”

Hae-won nodded in agreement. He got in the car and stepped on the accelerator. As he turned the wheel, Seo Okhwa’s figure, waving goodbye in the rearview mirror, disappeared from sight.

When he came to his senses, he was in the underground parking lot of the apartment where he lived with Woo-jin. Hae-won got out of the car, slung his violin over his shoulder, and took the penthouse’s private elevator. He pressed the button for the top floor.

Getting off the elevator, he arrived in front of the penthouse that Woo-jin had prepared as a newlywed home with his fiancée. He entered the same passcode as his officetel door lock and went inside. The afternoon sunlight filtered through the fluttering curtains in the living room, illuminating Damian Ryu’s painting like a spotlight.

The Filipino housekeeper approached and tried to take the violin case Hae-won was carrying. Hae-won declined, saying it was fine, and went into the bedroom.

He dropped the violin on the floor as if discarding it and lay down on the bed. All energy had drained from his body; even dragging himself this far had been difficult. Finally laying his weary body on the bed, a deep sigh escaped him.

Hae-won didn’t move a muscle. As if heavy weights were tied to his limbs, he couldn’t move even a fingertip at will. He just stretched out his body and blinked his eyes.

After lying still like that for a while, he rustled around and took out his phone. Lying on his side, he gazed vacantly at the man’s face displayed on the phone screen in his hand.

Even though he was just on his way to lunch, he had such a serious expression. Staring at him for a long time, Hae-won played the recording of his voice he had saved.

The melody of Guarneri that Hae-won loved, a low, solemn male voice reading the script Hae-won had written in a blunt manner. An unadorned voice without embellishment or rhetorical flourishes, just achromatic.

The voice that read it out reluctantly, as if hating to do exactly as Hae-won had written, told Hae-won indifferently that he loved him.

「I love you. Hae-won.」

「Do it once more for me.」

「I love you. Moon Hae-won.」

「How much?」

「There’s no such line in the script. I’ll only do what’s there.」

「How much?」

「Is that enough now?」

「How much do you love me?」

「Sigh… How much? If I could express it numerically, it would be easier for me too.」

「Then use stars.」

「Stars?」

「A hundred stars means you love someone a whole lot.」

「That’s a good idea. Then I won’t have to worry about what ‘how much’ even means.」

「How many stars’ worth do you love me?」

「A hundred stars’ worth.」

「Me too, I love you a hundred stars’ worth too, Hyung.」

That was the end. Hae-won listened to his voice repeatedly. In the recorded voice of Woo-jin, there was a tenderness that scratched at the most vulnerable part of a person and provoked tears.

I love you a hundred stars’ worth.

Hae-won recalled the day he had taken off his clothes in front of him. Held in his embrace, he had sobbed with joy, begged, and trembled, his entire body shuddering with desire. There had been many such times since then. Too many to count.

Each time, Hae-won had given Woo-jin everything. Each time, he had given his flesh, bones, soul, and heart. He had given everything, so now nothing remained. There was nothing. It was completely empty inside. Woo-jin had taken everything, leaving nothing behind.

“Ah……”

Hae-won clutched his chest and curled his back. He felt pain. An intense pain spread from his chest to every corner of his body.

Hae-won didn’t know where the desire to die came from, or how it came. He didn’t understand why this feeling of wanting to die because of someone even arose. Tears as hot as sulfuric acid streamed down, enough to blur his vision.

Hae-won wanted to break the bedroom window and fall outside if it were possible. He wanted to immediately throw this hollow, useless body out and destroy it. He had given everything to him, leaving nothing behind, yet what was violently sprouting inside Hae-won was a desire for destruction. It was an intense craving to kill himself.

Because he loved him, because Hae-won loved Woo-jin, he wanted to die. All he could think about was dying. He bit his lip. The sharp bite drew droplets of blood. The blood mixed with his hot tears. The blood-tinged tears fell, plop, plop, onto the pillow that Woo-jin had turned into a nuptial bed with his fiancée, like the secretions of a slaughtered animal.

Remembering how ecstatic and happy the mornings with him had been only made him want to die even more. Recalling Woo-jin’s face made him want to die that much more. His mind was entirely filled with the vocabulary of wanting to die.

He thought he understood why they had left the world at the most beautiful age.

It was because Hyun Woo-jin couldn’t bear the wound of not loving him, and because he couldn’t endure the loss of knowing Woo-jin would never love anyone forever.