4 – Chapter 4

It was past eight in the evening when he could finally leave the District Prosecutors’ Office. He should have kept his promise and come early, as he had said. Hae-won regretted it belatedly.

Since tomorrow was Christmas, Christmas decorations glittered everywhere on the streets. Seeing the Christmas trees placed along the streets made one truly feel the year was ending.

Hae-won was on his way to the hospital in Hyun Woo-jin’s car. Lee Jin-young, who had injured his eye because of Hae-won, was hospitalized there. He had said he would sue Hae-won. Hyun Woo-jin explained that if sued, Hae-won would be in a very disadvantageous position. Above all, the most disadvantageous aspect was that in court, the lawyer representing him and the prosecutor representing Jin-young would legally argue over such matters.

Whether Lee Jin-young, who had tried to sexually assault him, was more at fault, or whether his own fault of stabbing Jin-young’s eye to protect his finger was greater. Not knowing Hae-won’s state of mind, who did not want to stand in a place where such things would be exposed and they would compete over whose crime was greater, Hyun Woo-jin explained that Korean law excessively prioritizes the rights of the perpetrator. It meant that Hae-won, the victim, was at a disadvantage.

If what Lee Jin-young wanted was as Hyun Woo-jin said, Hae-won just wanted to do it once and be done with it. If he demanded an apology, he would just say sorry, and if he wanted it sucked, he would just suck it. If it could end that way, he wanted to conclude it like that.

On Christmas Eve of all days, sitting in Hyun Woo-jin’s car, Hae-won gazed at the streets filled with the year-end atmosphere, agonizing over how to suck Lee Jin-young’s cock to make him come quickly. Every time his face faintly reflected in the car window, Hae-won frowned in self-pity.

Parking the car in the hospital lot, Hyun Woo-jin turned off the engine. Hae-won unfastened his seatbelt and spoke.

“If you tell me the room number, I’ll go alone.”

“Let’s go together.”

“It seems like something I should see alone.”

“…Is that so?”

“Yes.”

He nodded and told Hae-won which room Lee Jin-young was in.

Since visiting hours were over, the ward was quiet. Some rooms had their lights off, with patients already asleep.

Hae-won arrived at the hospital room Hyun Woo-jin had told him about and knocked. Soon, a “Yes,” was heard. Hae-won opened the door and went inside. It was a two-bed room with beds against both walls. Lee Jin-young was lying on the right bed, and the opposite side was empty. He was alone.

Lee Jin-young, who was lying down, flinched upon seeing Hae-won. A thick bandage wrapped around his scalp and right cheek covered half his face. Looking at Hae-won with his left eye, Lee Jin-young staggered as he sat up.

“What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry.”

Hae-won apologized to the man who had tried to break his finger. The hostility that had momentarily clouded his face soon softened. Although Hae-won had stabbed his eye, he had also physically overpowered Hae-won and tried to assault him. It was just that Hae-won had actively inflicted injury on his body, and he hadn’t been able to do so because Hae-won had struck first.

“I heard you said you’d sue.”

Hae-won silently nodded. He gingerly touched his own face, tightly wrapped in bandages.

“You know what I want isn’t for both of us to suffer, right?”

He probably wouldn’t want that either. Having already written a statement, he would know better. Strangers whose names he didn’t know would learn about private matters he didn’t want others to see, and legally fighting it out would be quite burdensome for him, who had to continue his social life.

“If one eye had gone completely blind, who knows what would have happened.”

“I feel sorry.”

“If you’re really sorry, don’t go.”

“……”

“I won’t do that again either, okay? Just stay with me. I’ll let it all be as if it never happened.”

He was more vicious and persistent than expected. Lee Jin-young got up from the bed and approached Hae-won. He carefully took Hae-won’s hand. The bruises he had left on Hae-won’s wrist were clear. Seeing the scars revealed below the sleeve, Lee Jin-young paused. His rough hand caressed the wounds. A still-warm pain was felt. Hae-won recalled that he had left evidence photos on Hyun Woo-jin’s phone.

“I won’t do things like sue, and I won’t make things hard for you. Hae-won-ah. I won’t lay a hand on you again.”

“That can’t happen.”

“I don’t even know what I’ll do. Every time you say that, I feel like I’m going crazy. Do you know what I mean?”

He said without letting go of his hand. Hae-won looked up at him.

“Does that mean you’ll sue?”

“If that’s what it takes to hold onto you, I want to do that. I’m serious. I’ll cling to you to the end. By any means necessary.”

Hae-won had never been in a deep relationship. He avoided it if it seemed like it would become deep. Deepening relationships were tiring and bothersome.

Because her heart grew deep, his biological mother died alone. If her feelings toward Father hadn’t been deep, his biological mother would have somehow taken revenge on Father and his stepmother. She would have lain her sick body down at the house of the mistress who gave birth to a baby, protesting and demonstrating. She would have vomited and excreted everywhere, confronting them with the indescribable reality of death, saying it was because of them she ended up like this, demanding they take responsibility, tormenting Father and his stepmother.

So Hae-won deliberately only met people in situations where it was difficult to become deep. People whose residence was abroad, or whose status was so high they were in a position where it was hard to give up what they had, or people who had too many attachments around them to become attached to him.

This had never happened. A man whose eye he had stabbed, who could have gone blind if things had gone slightly wrong, was still clinging to him, saying he liked Hae-won, that he wanted to be with him. He had never experienced such a situation.

Unable to look directly at the raw, surging emotion, Hae-won turned his head away. He placated him, pleading for him not to do this.

“We’ll both be humiliated.”

“I don’t care. I hate not having you more. That seems harder.”

Above all, what he hated was his heart, throwing his whole body at him with the resolve to give up everything. Lee Jin-young was doing that. It was the very essence of the emotion Hae-won had feared, been terrified of, and avoided while sending off his biological mother.

“I don’t like you, Hyung.”

“I know. We can do that slowly later. If you don’t like me now, you can like me later.”

Hae-won’s body trembled slightly. It wasn’t that he had left Hyun Woo-jin in the car and come alone. He should have come with him. Hae-won tightly closed and opened his eyes. Wearing patient clothes, Lee Jin-young’s sickly appearance seemed more pronounced. Yet, even with only one eye, he was not dampening his ardor and was fervently craving something.

“I’ll give you money. How much do you need?”

“Hae-won-ah.”

He wanted to escape his sight. Hae-won blurted out the first thing that came to mind. He had decided not to rely on Father’s financial power, but this time there was no other way. He thought of the amount Father could immediately provide. He couldn’t grasp it.

“How about three hundred million? I can get three hundred million.”

“I wouldn’t want it even if you gave three billion. We were good together. You didn’t dislike me either.”

“……”

At least for him, there was no affection whatsoever in the act of excretion. Hae-won had never truly liked anyone in his life, nor had he ever desired anyone. This was also why he couldn’t understand his biological mother and couldn’t understand Tae-shin. He couldn’t understand their hearts, which liked someone so much they couldn’t bear it. Just as he couldn’t understand Tae-shin, he couldn’t understand Lee Jin-young begging for love before his eyes. Their emotions, claiming they didn’t mind losing everything as long as they could have someone, disgusted him.

“I don’t want us to suffer. Don’t make me do something like that.”

Lee Jin-young held Hae-won’s hand and earnestly pleaded. It wasn’t a plea; it was a threat.

“Do you want to sleep?”

“What?”

“I’m asking if you want to sleep with me.”

“…It would be a lie to say no. Yes.”

Lee Jin-young readily admitted.

“Then I’ll sleep with you. And end it. No, if you say you want to sleep with me, I’ll sleep with you each time. I can do that.”

“What kind of nonsense is that? Do you think I’m doing this because I want to sleep with you? I want you, but that’s not what I mean at all.”

“Let’s do it once and end it.”

Hae-won took off his coat. Lee Jin-young’s face contorted. As Hae-won undid his shirt buttons to take off his top, the hospital room door burst open. They turned at the sudden sound.

The person who opened the door and entered was, unexpectedly, Hyun Woo-jin. He was on the phone with someone. With the phone to his ear, he came in, re-fastened Hae-won’s opened shirt, and picked up the coat Hae-won had taken off and placed on the bed.

“Is it accurate? It has to be accurate. I’m about to threaten someone, so if it’s not true, it’ll be very troublesome. Yeah, that one. Others. No. Okay. That’s enough. Good work.”

Hyun Woo-jin ended the call and put his phone in his jacket pocket. He placed the coat he was holding over Hae-won’s shoulders and meticulously re-fastened the few undone shirt buttons. He neatly dressed Hae-won in the clothes he had been trying to take off. Hae-won looked at him curiously.

“Is it naivety, or is it having no thoughts at all? Do you think Moon Hae-won will fall apart just because he sleeps with you once?”

“What is it? Your threats don’t work on me anymore.”

As Lee Jin-young said that and tried to grab Hae-won’s arm, Hyun Woo-jin blocked him and took hold of Hae-won first. Hyun Woo-jin hid Hae-won behind his back and stood in front of Lee Jin-young. Hidden behind his broad back, Lee Jin-young wasn’t even visible as a shadow.

“Did your lawyer say that? That since Lee Jin-young only attempted it, he did nothing wrong?”

“I didn’t say he did nothing wrong. He said if I sue, I have a good chance of winning. Because the damage on my side is greater.”

“So you changed your mind in less than a day? You said you wanted to let it be as if nothing happened?”

“The situation changed. I found out the prosecutor gave me a lot of unnecessary intimidation.”

Lee Jin-young said, determined not to be fooled again by Hyun Woo-jin, who had threatened him and urged a settlement last night. Hyun Woo-jin coldly sneered at him. To him, who had only dealt with criminals, Lee Jin-young felt so trivial it was almost laughable to even engage with him. That brief sneer stabbed Lee Jin-young more painfully than any long threat.

“After catching your breath a bit, did the thought of trying to rape Moon Hae-won start haunting you again?”

“That’s going too far.”

“So you were smacking your lips in regret. You must have been very sorry you couldn’t even pull your pants up or down, standing there awkwardly, unable to fuck. If I were you…”

Hyun Woo-jin looked back at Hae-won. Their eyes met. Seeing Hae-won in a disadvantageous situation, he gave a reassuring smile. Hyun Woo-jin straightened his head and looked at Lee Jin-young.

“Well, I guess you’d be reluctant to give him to someone else.”

“What business do you have? From now on, please speak to my legal representative. Please leave.”

Lee Jin-young tried to approach Hae-won standing behind Hyun Woo-jin. His thick hands, like those of a laborer, tried to grab Hae-won. The fingers of Hae-won, who was fastening his coat, had unknowingly tensed and were trembling slightly.

Hyun Woo-jin moved to block Lee Jin-young approaching Hae-won. Thinking he was going somewhere, Hae-won urgently grabbed Hyun Woo-jin’s jacket, telling him not to move, not to go. He felt Hyun Woo-jin hesitate. The hand clutching the jacket on his back trembled violently.

“Mr. Lee Jin-young, you work at Samjeong Mulsan, right?”

At Hyun Woo-jin’s question, Lee Jin-young’s hesitation was palpable.

“You must know Executive Director Kim Hwan-gu well too.”

“He’s the executive director in charge of our sales department. What does that have to do with this now?”

His interrogating voice darkened. Hae-won stood in the shadow Hyun Woo-jin created, listening to their conversation.

“Did you know that not long ago, Executive Director Kim Hwan-gu handed over domestic company technical data overseas in exchange for securing a two-billion-dollar order from Saudi Arabia?”

“……”

“If you didn’t know, that doesn’t make sense. Since you’re the practitioner and your direct superior leaked the security data. I’m about to get a warrant for that now, who should I say blew the whistle?”

“…That’s absurd.”

“Executive Director Kim Hwan-gu doesn’t know I’ve met privately with Assistant Manager Lee Jin-young like this several times, does he?”

“What does that…! I don’t even know about that matter, and I wasn’t involved in it either!”

His voice sounded wronged. It was a voice protesting that he really hadn’t done it. The pitiful appeal for sympathy didn’t work on Hyun Woo-jin.

“If investigated, everything will come out. Even if you’re not actually involved, if I say you are, then you’re closely involved in this matter, Mr. Lee Jin-young.”

“……”

Lee Jin-young’s hand, faintly visible beyond Hyun Woo-jin, the hand that had tried to grab Hae-won, was clenched into a fist and trembling.

“Your eye is like that, and you want to lose your job too? You’ll sue? Go ahead. I don’t know what idiot advised you, but if you want to ruin that pathetic career and not be able to set foot on this land, go ahead and try.”

I won’t stop you, so go ahead and do as you please. I’ll make you roll in the mud for the rest of your life.

They were words that stomped out any remaining sprout of lingering attachment.

Lee Jin-young’s silence grew long. Hae-won hid behind Hyun Woo-jin’s back, clutching his jacket, wishing only for this time to end quickly. Glancing briefly, Hyun Woo-jin scanned the appearance of Hae-won standing behind him.

Lee Jin-young, who seemed to have taken a step back, asked. His voice was heavily sunken, as if it had hit rock bottom.

“…What is it? What is your relationship with Hae-won, prosecutor?”

“In the midst of this, you’re curious about that? I’m telling you I’m about to cut off Mr. Lee Jin-young’s livelihood right now.”

“What are the two of you?”

He persistently asked. Hyun Woo-jin’s hand reached back and patted Hae-won’s hand, which was gripping his jacket so tightly it was crumpled, as if to say it was okay.

“He’s a friend of my friend.”

∞ ∞ ∞

He took the car key from his pocket. Pressing the button, a gray car in the distance flashed its headlights.

“Thank you for today.”

Hae-won spoke to his back as he walked toward the car. Hyun Woo-jin, who had been walking ahead, stopped and looked back at him.

“Have you cleared up your misunderstanding about me now?”

“I never had any misunderstanding.”

“Get in the car.”

He started walking again. Hae-won didn’t follow him.

“I’ll take a taxi.”

“……”

“Thank you for helping me.”

His chest, breathing out slowly, gradually sank. He fidgeted with the car key in his hand. He called out to Hae-won, who was bowing his head in farewell and turning to leave.

“Let’s have dinner.”

“I’m not really thinking about it.”

“That’s too much.”

“……”

“After helping you this much, it’s only polite to buy me a meal. Do you know how much of my time you took? It’s problematic if you treat me the same as others. Because of this kind of love affair fight, a sitting vice minister got pushed back. I postponed investigating that guy because of you, Moon Hae-won.”

He pronounced Hae-won’s name clearly and emphatically. Hyun Woo-jin explained how important a person he was, how great a person he was. As if not knowing that was bad manners. Hae-won just listened silently.

“He’s furious and making a scene right now; how much longer are you going to make him wait?”

“If you’re that busy, you should go in. I’ll buy you a meal later when you’re not busy, prosecutor.”

“……”

Hae-won bowed his head and turned away. A needle-like gaze was felt on his back. Soon, the sound of him getting into the car and starting the engine was heard.

Only Hae-won and Hyun Woo-jin were in the parking lot. The gray car swept past Hae-won, creating a gust of wind. Hae-won’s eyes blankly stared at the rear of the gray car disappearing toward the exit.

Arriving at the officetel, Hae-won showered first. Hunger was a secondary issue. He wanted to quickly wash off the dirty dust clinging to his body. Lee Jin-young’s persistent gaze, which had stuck to his body, kept churning in his mind.

After finishing his bath, he lay face down on the bed. He was tired. He buried his face in the pillow. A deep sigh, tinged with defeat, escaped. He recalled Hyun Woo-jin’s back as he hid him behind it and threatened Lee Jin-young.

It was a broad back. It was a sight he wanted to lean on. It was a back view that made him want to bury his face in it and breathe in the scent of his body until he was breathless. It was a back so solid and broad that it could withstand the one-eyed gaze of Lee Jin-young, who was raising his hackles, wanting to devour Hae-won in a messy way.

He thought that if he made insincere apologies and, as Hyun Woo-jin said, catered to and placated him, he would say to stop. He thought he would say this is enough, that he was sorry things had turned out like this with Lee Jin-young. That was the Lee Jin-young he knew. If that really didn’t work, if Lee Jin-young was worse than he thought, then he could just do it once and be done.

Lee Jin-young was worse than I had imagined. He threatened Hae-won while saying he liked him. When Hae-won took off his coat and stripped off his clothes, Lee Jin-young looked disgusted. A premonition flashed that it wouldn’t end with just once. Hae-won felt disgusted at his own trembling, helpless figure hiding behind Hyun Woo-jin’s back.

It was an obsession he had never seen in his life. His biological mother wanted no one to know of her death, and Lee Jin-young no longer hid his feelings. It was incomparable to Kim Jae-min barging into his officetel uninvited. It sent shivers down his spine. Hae-won couldn’t handle Lee Jin-young, nor did he want to.

Afraid that Hyun Woo-jin might leave him and Lee Jin-young here, afraid he might disappear like this, Hae-won grabbed hold of Hyun Woo-jin’s jacket. His friend’s friend discreetly reached a hand behind Lee Jin-young’s back and patted Hae-won’s trembling hand.

Hyun Woo-jin was his friend’s friend. He was the man Tae-shin had a crush on.

If it hadn’t been for Tae-shin’s him, if Tae-shin hadn’t committed suicide.

He couldn’t get into his car because his body trembled breathlessly, unwilling to let go of the hem of his clothes he was clutching. Hae-won pretended not to notice him, who had grown angry after being bewildered. Even strangers become merciful on Christmas, yet Hae-won ignored him despite being in such a state.

He closed his eyes. He forced himself to sleep under the heavy fatigue pressing down on his entire body.

When he opened his eyes feeling hungry, it was past two in the morning. Due to the soundproofing installed on the walls, external noise couldn’t be heard anyway, and sounds inside didn’t leak out, but perhaps because it was the middle of the night, the surroundings felt even quieter.

The silence of the deep night was a familiar sensation. It felt like he had finally returned to his daily life. Hae-won tried to wake up at the same time as much as possible, but when that wasn’t possible, he woke up when he wanted and slept when he wanted. If he woke up in the early morning, he didn’t force himself back to sleep but got up. He listened to music, studied sheet music, or, like now, had a simple meal if he was hungry.

After filling his stomach with instant food, he took out his violin. He hadn’t practiced for several days. He randomly pulled out whichever sheet music caught his hand from the bookshelf. When he took it out, the label read

Tzigane

.

He applied plenty of rosin to the bow and turned the screw. He tightened the hair of his favorite solo bow among the four he owned. He placed the violin body on his shoulder and tuned it by turning the pegs with subtle force.

The officetel was a space where Hae-won could play whenever he wanted. Things he had never been grateful for and took for granted now felt precious. Having his daily life suddenly stripped away, Hae-won also realized how dearly he cherished his identity as a violinist.

He opened the sheet music on the stand. Hae-won began to play.

Ravel’s Tzigane begins with a long violin cadenza.

They say Ravel wrote this piece for two years. Because of Jelly d’Aranyi

1]

. After seeing her performance, he composed a piece that could showcase Jelly d’Aranyi’s technique to its limits and dedicated it to her, and that piece was Tzigane.

When playing Tzigane, you could feel how obsessed Ravel was with her, the intensity of his passion.

The dance of the gypsies, rootless and wandering aimlessly. It’s improvisational and fairy-tale-like. It’s lively and cute, but because it’s a gypsy melody, it’s sad. Breathless trills continue, leading to lively pizzicato as fairies hiding in the bushes leap out together to dance with the gypsies.

Until the very end, dazzling and complex changes in tone follow breathlessly. The variation section requires the performer’s skill. Fluttering a long, flowing skirt, they stretch both hands toward the sky to signal the end of the dance. The fairies dancing together disappear, leaving only the gypsy alone.

Like a midsummer night’s dream.

Drawing the bow from beginning to end across the strings, Hae-won lifted the bow from the strings.

“Haa…….”

Sweat had soaked through without him realizing. He wiped his chin with the back of his hand holding the bow. A long sigh escaped. Turning to get another sheet music, Hae-won was startled.

It was Hyun Woo-jin. He was standing crookedly, leaning his shoulder against the wall with his arms crossed.

“What is it? How did you get in? No, when……!”

He hadn’t heard anyone come in. He had pressed the door lock password in front of him. He had glanced back then, but Woo-jin wasn’t looking at his hand. It was utterly baffling how and when he had entered. Moreover, it was well past midnight.

“…….”

A strange gaze swept over his face. Leaning against the entrance wall, he stared piercingly at Hae-won without changing his posture. He offered no excuse or explanation for the unauthorized intrusion to Hae-won, who was staring back in shock.

“Do you know what time it is? A prosecutor shouldn’t just barge into someone’s house like this. It’s trespassing.”

“…….”

“Are you sleeping with your eyes open?”

He pressed the man who was just silently staring. Hyun Woo-jin opened his mouth without changing his posture.

“You’re completely different when you play and in your usual state.”

“Who said they wanted to hear your evaluation now?”

“I thought you were someone else.”

“Get out.”

He looked at him, telling him to get out, to leave. He didn’t move a muscle. Far from leaving, he even uncrossed his arms and straightened his body leaning against the wall. He took off his shoes and stepped into the living room.

“You said you’d buy me a meal when you’re not busy later.”

“…….”

“I’m not busy at this hour.”

“Get out.”

He had an expression of forcibly suppressing something. It was so perfectly blank that it rather conveyed some emotion. It wasn’t anger he was suppressing at the repeated demands to leave, but something else. What it was, he couldn’t tell.

Hae-won raised his head toward him, who had somehow drawn near.

“Didn’t you hear me say get out?”

“What kind of violinist gets this angry just because someone watched them play a little?”

“I don’t play in front of people like you.”

“People? People like me?”

His eyebrows rose with interest at the ambiguous plural.

“Who are ‘people like me’ that you won’t play in front of them?”

“Get out.”

“Who got excited watching Moon Hae-won play?”

“…….”

“You talk as if you’ve seen my expression, my mood, somewhere often. Have there been many people like me?”

The man’s gaze shooting straight at him was not ordinary. Hae-won shouted at him.

“Didn’t you hear me say get out?”

“I’m six years older than Moon Hae-won. I’ve lived six years longer than you. You didn’t know that, did you?”

“Why should I know such a condescending thing? I said get out……!”

Turning away from him who had drawn close, Hae-won hurriedly put away the violin and bow in his hand into the case. He stared down at Hae-won, who was making a fuss.

“Get lost before I report you for trespassing.”

Hae-won gave him a threatening look. As if to say that would be troublesome, his finger scratched at his forehead. Both he and Hae-won knew well that no phone call could drive him away now.

“What’s the professional opinion? Is it normal to get excited watching someone play the violin?”

“It’s abnormal.”

“It didn’t reach my ears. Something else resonated. Maybe it’s because I’m ignorant about music.”

“In the eyes of Buddha, only Buddha is seen; in the eyes of a pig, only a pig is seen. It only looks that way to people who think that way. Sane people aren’t like that.”

“You must have met many insane people. How many must you have met to hate it so much that a violinist like you throws a fit just because someone peeked at your playing?”

“In the end, what eyes see is only what they see.”

“Suppose that’s true.”

“…….”

“Listening to Moon Hae-won play, why does breathing feel uncomfortable.”

As if it were still the case, he hooked his finger into the tightening knot of his necktie and pulled to widen his breathing passage.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, so get out!”

“Any more and it’ll be sexual harassment, so let’s stop.”

He had already harassed enough. The man who had been standing threateningly moved his steps elsewhere. Hyun Woo-jin flipped through Hae-won’s sheet music. He wandered around Hae-won’s officetel. Then he approached the living room window and took in the city view from the high-rise building.

Hae-won put away the violin and cleared the stand. He put on a thick hoodie over his pajamas. As he was about to gather things like his violin, coat, wallet, and phone, his gaze turned to the man looking down outside the window. Just as he had left the officetel to avoid Kim Jae-min sleeping face down on the bed, Hae-won was running away again to avoid Hyun Woo-jin. It was his own home. At least he had no reason to leave. Hae-won asked him.

“How did you get in.”

“Probably by entering the password.”

His eyes, responding nonchalantly, were fixed in the direction of his workplace. It couldn’t be visible from here, but he stared at one spot for a long time as if he could see it. Knowing that Hae-won’s glaring gaze was scratching at his temple, he hardly turned his eyes away.

“When did you start playing the violin?”

“What’s it to you.”

He was asking random questions while leaning against the window of someone else’s house after trespassing. Hae-won pretended not to notice the subtle strange aura he was emitting and answered coldly.

“I’m a layman in music, so I don’t know well, but if someone had tried to break such fingers, I think I would have stabbed them with a knife too.”

The memory of his mocking laughter while listening to his statement that he had stabbed a man’s eye for trying to break his fingers came to mind. Only now was he believing Hae-won’s words. That meant he hadn’t believed him before. He must have believed Lee Jin-young’s statement more, that he had tried to extort money and flee with the watch. He probably didn’t understand the statement that he had tried to leave that house because it was frustrating not having an environment to practice. Seeing him babble about the violin this and that, it seemed he felt a little sorry now for not believing his words back then.

“I called, but Moon Hae-won didn’t answer.”

“If I don’t answer the phone, you just open someone’s door and come in?”

“I thought you were sleeping and was about to leave, but I heard some sound inside. I thought a bastard like Lee Jin-young was bothering Moon Hae-won again, so I came in unintentionally to help.”

He had only been playing the violin. And with the soundproofing, no suspicious sound could have leaked outside. Arguing with him who was making sophistry was meaningless.

“I get it, so please leave now.”

His heart, startled by the sudden appearance, had somehow calmed down. He, who had been looking outside, finally turned his gaze. There was heat in his eyes. A lustful heat that wouldn’t subside even after staring at the winter streets for a long time.

He didn’t want to provoke him. It felt like something would explode if touched. Hae-won stared at the man with such nervousness.

“Do you dislike me?”

“…….”

“Do you dislike me because I’m me, or because I’m the person your dead friend liked?”

It was a sharp question.

Whether he disliked Hyun Woo-jin because he was Hyun Woo-jin, or because Hyun Woo-jin was the man the dead Lee Tae-shin had a crush on, or because he was a personality he ought to dislike, he couldn’t tell. It was his own feeling, his own heart, yet Hae-won couldn’t understand what it was.

“I dislike you because you act like this.”

Ignoring his words as if thinking of something else, the man who had been staring piercingly at Hae-won suddenly moved. He approached Hae-won unhesitatingly. Hae-won flinched. There was no time or place to avoid.

Hyun Woo-jin’s hand, the grasp he had thought was warm, tightly seized Hae-won’s nape and pulled. His upper body was yanked forward.

He was Tae-shin’s him. He was the man Tae-shin had a crush on.

Hyun Woo-jin urgently turned his head, firmly gripped Hae-won’s chin as he tried to avoid, and pushed him against the wall. His back hit the wall. Before he could feel the dull pain, hot lips covered Hae-won’s lips. It was a forceful strength. Hyun Woo-jin’s tongue pushed inside. Rough breathing grew disordered. Hae-won pushed Hyun Woo-jin’s shoulder. It was so firm it felt like touching a brick. The man who grabbed his resisting wrist even pressed his hand against the wall as if slamming it.

“Hheup……!”

His lips were hot as if he had swallowed fire. The wet tongue pushed inside unhesitatingly and swirled. Hae-won fluttered and struggled. He thrashed to break free but couldn’t shake him off. At the fierce resistance, he briefly detached his lips. Hot breath poured over his face all at once. Hyun Woo-jin clung to Hae-won again as he hurriedly avoided.

“Eung… heut!”

The sound of dislike licked his ear. He sharply twisted the angle of his face. He burrowed from below. He came burrowing from below to prevent avoidance and raised the intensity.

Hae-won pushed his shoulder with his free hand. The wet tongue parted the flesh and entered, sucking deep inside. He released Hae-won’s wrist he had been tightly holding. As if he had only just realized it was the pure hand of a performer that must not be injured, that would stab the other’s eye if touched wrongly.

Even the hand freed from him joined in, and Hae-won pushed and hit Hyun Woo-jin’s shoulder with both hands, telling him to stop, but it was useless. It was impossible to suck lips and tongue while simultaneously resisting viciously.

He couldn’t breathe. His mind grew hazy, and the strength with which he hit him gradually weakened. The speed and frequency decreased, but the act of pushing him didn’t stop.

“Euh, eung…….”

It was a strange sound as if strangling him. He had never made such a sound, but Hyun Woo-jin’s breathing, stimulated, soared intensely. His soft, pliant lips were pressed and sucked. At that moment, Hae-won’s lips were not his own but Hyun Woo-jin’s.

Hyun Woo-jin swallowed everything as if devouring flickering flames. He sucked the tongue licking the sticky mucous membrane together. He swallowed the accumulating saliva. His breath surged, feeling like his chest would burst. He pushed him. He pushed the shoulder that wouldn’t budge even when pushed with all his might. The man’s lips, which seemed to detach, quickly overlapped like a beast capturing prey. He seemed determined to make him lose breath and faint.

“Eueup……!”

This time, it was a deeper, sharper coupling. A kiss to the extent that he wondered if lips and the inside of the mouth could be sucked like this. He could no longer hold his breath. His mind grew distant. The movement of the flesh swallowing even breath and the root of the tongue grew increasingly rough and urgent. Blood rushed to his face as much as there was, growing hot.

The hand that had been fully holding his cheek moved. It stroked as if pressing the cervical spine and swept down Hae-won’s lower back. Hae-won’s body trembled faintly.

Goosebumps ran down his spine each time the man’s hand moved. His other hand followed the first. The two hands going down along his spine grabbed Hae-won’s flinching buttocks. It was an explicit and indecent touch. The hand of a bad man burdened by innocence.

While pushing his tongue into his mouth and rudely ravaging it, even drawing saliva to swallow, his Adam’s apple quivered convulsively. He slowed his pace and languidly sucked Hae-won’s lower lip. Hae-won closed his eyes and bit his lips in return. The wet flesh that had been grinding roughly moved away.

“Haa.”

As their lips parted, his breath sounded loudly. Thinking it was over now, but without allowing even a moment’s gap, they soon overlapped again.

“Eung… euh…….”

The grip on his buttocks squeezed hard enough to crush the flesh, then released. When the strength of his grip weakened, a pained moan escaped; when he exerted strength as he held, a painful breath burst forth. He wanted to beg his tongue to let him go now. It was so hot it felt like his brain was melting.

He had kissed many men, had so many kisses, but this was a kiss that evaporated Hae-won’s memory all at once. As the thick flesh moved, the two tongues tangled stickily. They rubbed and licked with sensitive tentacles.

A friend’s friend couldn’t be said to be intimate enough to kiss like this. Hae-won knew extremely limited things about Hyun Woo-jin. Among them, what he knew best was that he was the man Tae-shin liked.

Tae-shin didn’t die because of this person. There were other reasons he chose to stop living. It had nothing to do with Hyun Woo-jin. He wanted to believe that, but due to messy guilt, even as his mind sank into oblivion, he couldn’t surrender everything to his tongue. The wetly overlapping lips detached after a long while.

“Haa, haa, haa…….”

Their chests pressed together, each gasping for air in ragged breaths. They jostled, collided, and rubbed against each other. The hands gripping his shoulders trembled uncontrollably. Struggling to hold back his breath, Hae-won’s eyes welled up with tears.

Hae-won finally lifted his gaze. Their eyes met as if the other had been waiting. Those piercing, clear eyes that seemed to spear through a person had grown even more intense. Reason and instinct mingled, blurring the boundary between day and night.

Hyun Woo-jin licked Hae-won’s wet lips with his hot tongue. His sensitized skin trembled absurdly at even the slightest, lowest-level contact.

“Haa, what do I do. I need to leave, but I can’t seem to go.”

“…Let go of this.”

“I shouldn’t be doing this to my friend’s friend.”

He muttered softly, as if talking to himself.

It was too feeble; it felt more like a force pulling him in than pushing him away. Of course, he didn’t budge. He released his hands from Hae-won’s buttocks, which he had been gripping tightly with his whole palms.

His arms wrapped around Hae-won’s waist and pulled him close. He pressed their lower bodies tightly together. A throbbing pulse could be felt. It was terrifying and agonizing. As Hae-won frowned and tried to avoid his face, Woo-jin persistently followed, locking eyes with him.

“I shouldn’t want to do something to my friend’s friend so badly that I feel like I’m going crazy.”

“…Let go, let me go.”

“That’s not supposed to happen.”

If it’s not supposed to happen, then why did you do it?

He was asking that. He was blaming Hae-won for what he himself had done. As if all of this was Hae-won’s fault. Without releasing Hae-won’s waist, Hyun Woo-jin asked that question.

His lips, which had been sucked hard by the other, ached. The eyes staring at him lowered to his lips. As if wanting to suck a little more, as if wanting to crush it inside his mouth, his tongue wet Hae-won’s lips and rubbed against sharp canines.

“Why aren’t you saying anything. Talk more.”

Even though he knew it was wrong and shouldn’t be happening, Hae-won, exhausted—utterly exhausted—gave up and leaned into him. As his body, which had been stiff with tension, suddenly went limp and leaned its weight, Woo-jin, as if intending to proceed with the next step after the kiss, pressed his lips to Hae-won’s cheek and neck.

When Hae-won twisted his head away from the breath and lips touching his sensitive spots, something hot and damp touched the other side, sucking at his skin and smelling his intensified body scent.

“Don’t.”

“I will.”

“I said no… I told you before too.”

With the last of his strength, as if squeezing it out, Hae-won pushed Woo-jin’s shoulders. The man clinging to Hae-won’s neck lifted his face.

“Have we ever been like this before?”

“I clearly said no.”

“What’s so bad about it? Someone stealing a peek at your performance? Or a kiss that makes you lose your soul?”

Hae-won shook his head. He didn’t avoid the approaching lips that seemed amused. Woo-jin’s wet lips touched Hae-won’s. With their lips still touching, Hae-won whispered.

“Stealing a friend’s man.”

The other’s chest, which had inhaled Hae-won’s breath, swelled. As he exhaled, the chest that had been touching pulled away. Hae-won looked at his eyes in a daze. The other, saying nothing, extinguished the heat.

Hyun Woo-jin was now wasting energy on meaningless actions. Knowing this, Hae-won pushed his shoulders as if to tell him to back off, but his two arms tightened strongly around Hae-won’s waist, closing the gap that had opened.

“He’s dead.”

His voice held no emotion. The word ‘death’ was uttered flatly. That statement couldn’t be a comfort. It wasn’t a rationalization, and it held no justification.

“The world is full of men. I’m not desperate for a man.”

As if denying his words, Hae-won muttered, pretending not to hear.

“See. You do like spreading your legs for men. Why pretend you don’t? Why act like you don’t know?”

“I don’t spread them for just anyone.”

“Am I just anyone?”

“You’re the most ‘just anyone’ of all.”

“Right, keep yapping.”

“…”

“That’s right.”

He grabbed Hae-won’s wrists, which had slid down his shoulders, one in each hand. Slowly pulling them up, he pinned them against the wall. It was a posture that rendered a person powerless. He came close, as if about to bite Hae-won’s lips off. As he opened his lips to say something, they touched Hae-won’s soft, wet lips.

“I really could do something to you.”

“…”

It was a chilling statement. Just as Hae-won was breathing raggedly without saying a word, a phone vibrated from the inner pocket of his tightly fitted jacket.

“Your phone’s ringing.”

“I know.”

“Answer it. And let go of my hand. Be careful, it’s a hand worth more than ten years of your salary. There are plenty of things here I could stab.”

“I’m really looking forward to seeing what else those expensive hands can do besides play.”

Even as they exchanged pointless words, the phone kept ringing. He let out a low sigh and stepped back. Taking a step away, he pulled the phone from his jacket, checked the number, and answered immediately.

“Yes.”

His voice changed in an instant. It was no longer the voice of someone who had just been about to bite Hae-won’s lips, but the voice of a sincere, passionate worker.

Hae-won rubbed his wrist, which had been bruised even before being grabbed by him. As if it was all Hyun Woo-jin’s fault.

When Hae-won tried to escape his grasp, Woo-jin, still on the call, moved to block his path. When Hae-won tried to go the other way, he swiftly blocked that side too. The step he had retreated was taken again, pressing against Hae-won.

Hae-won stood with his back against the wall. Woo-jin’s voice poured out close to his face. With not an inch of concession in the gap, Hae-won was trapped between the wall and Woo-jin’s chest. Blocking one side with his arm to prevent Hae-won from escaping, he continued the call.

“First, request a detention warrant. He’s denying the crime, there’s a risk of evidence destruction, and the likelihood of the warrant being issued is higher. Otherwise, we’ll handle it with a post-facto warrant.”

“…”

“No. I’ll be in soon. Yes.”

He hung up. The black phone disappeared back into his jacket. The eyes looking down at Hae-won had lost the explosive heat that had seemed ready to burst, as if it had all been a lie.

Hae-won averted his gaze, which had been staring blankly, and looked elsewhere. With the heat gone, a cold silence hung in the air. His hand suddenly cupped Hae-won’s cheek, forcing him to look. Though his voice pretended affection, the strength in his grip felt forceful and overpowering.

“Look at this. Do you know how hard it was to carve out this time?”

“Use the hard-won time where it’s needed. Don’t waste your energy on nonsense.”

“Moon Hae-won, you can accept this much from me. Even though I hate self-praise the most, I think I’m qualified for that much. Besides, today is Christmas. Love should be overflowing all over the world.”

“He gave me a watch more expensive than his own salary as a Christmas present and still got criticized.”

“You should have at least pretended to spread your legs. He spent his entire fortune on a watch to court you, and you acted like you didn’t know, so that’s what he got.”

“Doing that kind of thing is what blinds you.”

“That bastard’s eyes are perfectly fine.”

“We’ll have to see about that.”

“I have to go. Stop yapping.”

Hae-won avoided him as he tried to press their lips together again like a reluctant lover parting. His lips touched Hae-won’s cheek and temple. A sigh, as if holding something back, sounded loudly in his ear.

“Try it again. I’ll bite your tongue off.”

Forgetting that he had just been sucking on the other’s tongue like a madman, Hae-won warned. As if savoring the taste of Hae-won’s lips again, Woo-jin closed his mouth and seemed to taste something. He spoke to Hae-won, who was looking for a chance to escape where there was none.

“Moon Hae-won and I met after Tae-shin died. It’s not stealing a friend’s lover, and I’m not two-timing. Don’t get it wrong.”

“Who asked?”

“What are you so sorry about that you’re hesitating? If you’re that sorry, you should have answered his call. You should have answered the phone before he jumped. What’s with the sentimentality and pity now? If you push me away because you feel sorry for him, will Lee Tae-shin come back to life? Is that what you want?”

“…”

As if reading all the thoughts in his head that even he didn’t know, Hyun Woo-jin spoke. It was an incorrect thought. A flawed inference.

He tilted his face close. Unable to argue about what nonsense he was spouting, Hae-won stared blankly at the lips whispering something.

“Why are you so serious alone? I’m not that serious about you for you to overreact like this.”

He didn’t want the slight trembling somewhere in his body to be noticed. Afraid that faint vibration might be transmitted to Woo-jin, he deliberately stared sharply at him. Woo-jin lightly tapped Hae-won’s cheek.

“It means there’s no need to be serious.”

“Don’t. I’ll bite.”

His lips drew closer. It wasn’t a joke. Hae-won warned him again. His lips ignored the warning and traced a smooth arc.

“Ugh…!”

The lips of a carnivore who devoured light lunged at Hae-won.

∞ ∞ ∞

Upon hearing the news that the professor had returned from a seminar abroad, Hae-won visited the school for the first time in a long while. He finished the lesson by completing the piece they hadn’t finished last time and left the practice room.

Despite it being winter break, the music school practice rooms were as crowded with students as during the semester. The sound of a piano, completely devoid of any sense, was loud but grew softer with each step. Perhaps because they were young, even though their skills were lacking. Still, the students’ playing had an awkward vigor and a transparent sparkle. Coming to school always refreshed Hae-won’s mood.

The campus was quiet. Hae-won walked along the street where patches of blackened snow remained here and there, and at the sound of a bell, rummaged through his bag. The number on the phone screen was Senior Choi.

“Yes.”

—Is it okay to talk?

“It’s fine.”

—That job we talked about last time came up again. You’ll do it, right?

Despite his vow never to rely on his father’s help again, Hae-won had recently received a card from his father. Nothing was as exhausting and draining as teaching, and even such opportunities were scarce. He needed to maintain his instrument, renew his violin insurance—there were countless expenses. The income from Hae-won’s part-time jobs was barely enough to make ends meet, let alone cover such costs.

Hae-won gave up quickly. In the end, he called his father. He now had two cards that never sent messages to anyone. So, for now, there was no need to take on other work. Moreover, having lost his rhythm due to various troubles lately, he planned to focus on recovering his condition and practicing for the time being.

“No. I can’t.”

—But you said you needed money?

“My father decided to keep supporting me.”

—Oh.

“Anyway, thanks for thinking of me.”

At Hae-won’s reply, Senior Choi sighed and said.

—Remember meeting President Kim Jeong-geun last time?

“Yes.”

He was the de facto head of Han-gyeong Group, whose name he’d heard in newspapers or news, but whose face he saw for the first time then. He was a man who understood classical music. Though their meeting was brief, his deep knowledge of music and his kind, humble demeanor as the head of a major group left an impression.

—Actually, I think he specifically requested it. He seems to want to hear your solo.

“My solo?”

—He seemed to really like your performance that time. Since you said you needed money, I promised Han-gyeong I’d handle it. What do I do now?

Hae-won, who had been walking slowly across campus while talking to him, stopped in his tracks.

“You should have asked me first about something like that.”

—Sorry. I assumed you’d accept, so I didn’t think to ask.

“Just decline for me.”

—You know it’s hard for me to refuse his request from my position. His wife is on our foundation’s board, and it was President Kim Jeong-geun who replaced the conductor last time. The reason was that the program selections were similar every year. Meaning it lacked sincerity. How can I refuse an offer from someone like that?

Thanks to his father, he was now financially comfortable and didn’t need it, but until very recently, Hae-won had asked him for any money-making opportunities. Since Senior Choi had gone out of his way to look out for him, it was only right morally. But he didn’t want to. Because it was a personal request, he didn’t want to. If it were at a concert hall, it would be fine, but a recital in front of President Kim Jeong-geun and a few acquaintances was something he disliked.

Moreover, President Kim Jeong-geun was acquainted with Hyun Woo-jin. Hyun Woo-jin had his lips bitten. He hadn’t seen Hyun Woo-jin again after he left dripping blood. He had no reason to see him in the future. He didn’t want to create any reason or pretext to see him again.

“Sorry. I don’t want to.”

—Hae-won-ah. Moon Hae-won.

His voice, calling his name with a choked emotion, suddenly seemed pitiful. It must be a difficult problem for him, a Han-gyeong Symphony employee and the head of a household. As someone who wanted to build connections with Han-gyeong Group, he would want to make this happen at all costs. He had no choice but to cling to Hae-won, the person involved. But Hae-won had no reason to accept the request just because he felt sorry for him, and his pleading attitude, as if lamenting, was uncomfortable.

Senior Choi seemed to think that if he persisted, Hae-won would give in. The proper order was to ask the person involved before making such promises. If he just accepted this time, it would become harder to refuse next time. If he did one, they’d ask for two later; if he did two, they’d ask for ten. It was harsh, but that was Senior Choi’s nature. That was why Hae-won had also declined Senior Choi’s offer to lend him a private practice room.

“I don’t want to do a solo recital. If it’s a personal request, there probably won’t be many people, but playing in front of them still feels off.”

—What’s the problem? Think of it as practice and imagine no one’s there. You did so well last time, why are you like this?

“I know you’re trying to help me on purpose. But I really don’t feel like it, so I’m saying no. Please decline for me. If it’s too hard to refuse, say I was in a car accident.

—Hae-won-ah. I’m begging you like this. He’s offering ten million per piece.

“What?”

—He said he’d give ten million per piece.

So it was about money after all.

A person who was practically the concertmaster of a top symphony was acting as an errand boy for the chaebols. Introducing musicians to suit their tastes and taking money like a broker—that’s what he was doing to Hae-won now.

“Whether it’s ten million or twenty million, I’m not doing it.”

—Don’t be like that. Listen to me.

“I told you I don’t need money anymore.”

—Fifteen hundred per piece. Huh? How about fifteen hundred?

“What are you doing right now?”

—Hae-won-ah, this is an opportunity for you. That president is someone with considerable musical knowledge. If it goes well, you could even get sponsorship. Then you won’t have to make pitiful requests to your father, and you can focus seriously and even go study abroad.

Hae-won had never told anyone the specifics of his father’s wealth. He had been briefly short on money, but he could go study abroad anytime if he wanted to now. It was just that Hae-won had refused when his father offered to send him.

“If it’s fifteen hundred per piece, if I play about ten pieces that day, he’d give me 150 million? No, if I play about twenty pieces, how much would that be? 300 million?”

—Fifteen hundred an hour is not a small amount.

“Who said it’s a small amount? I’m not trying to stand on principle. I just don’t want to do what I don’t like. I’m hanging up.”

—Hae-won-ah! Wait, wait, don’t hang up!

He called Hae-won’s name desperately. Regretting raising his voice, he seemed to be moving to a different location, his breathing ragged. He moved to a quieter spot and continued in a pleading tone.

—President Kim Jeong-geun specifically requested you. He really wants to hear… your pieces. Please help me out this once, as if saving my life.

“…”

—I’ll say your condition isn’t great, so just one piece. Just play one. Please.

“How much did he give you to bring me?”

—Hae-won-ah.

“How much did you get?”

After a long silence, he muttered in a resigned voice.

—Five hundred.

“I’ll give you that five hundred.”

It seemed he had agreed to receive two thousand as a condition for securing Hae-won. For the quartet, each received four hundred. Two thousand per piece was not a small amount.

When President Kim Jeong-geun singled Hae-won out like picking a woman at a room salon, Senior Choi had negotiated his price with them on his own. He must have asked for more. He planned to keep one thousand for himself and give the remaining thousand to Hae-won, and when Hae-won refused, he raised it to fifteen hundred. It wasn’t about the amount; Hae-won felt an unbearable insult at being sold off without his knowledge, with negotiations and prices set behind his back.

—Hae-won-ah, don’t be like that. Huh? When have I ever asked you for a favor like this?

“Then do me a favor.”

—What is it?

His face, flushing with color, automatically painted itself in her mind. The tone of her voice brightened instantly.

“Tell Joo-hee that Seonbae is gay.”

—What?

“I’m not telling you to break up or get a divorce right now. Just tell the truth.”

—What kind of nonsense is this? Why would I…!

“I suddenly wanted to see Seonbae looking pitiful.”

—Moon Hae-won!

“Joo-hee is the mother of Seonbae’s children. Of course she should know. What kind of person Seonbae is. Talk to Joo-hee and call me. Then I’ll think about it.”

Hae-won hung up. Senior Choi wasn’t stupid enough to do something like that.

She thought she’d never hear from him again, but a few days later, a call came from Seonbae. Hae-won answered, thinking, Surely not.

“Did you confess?”

—No.

“Don’t call me.”

—I told him I couldn’t arrange it… He told me to get out. To quit the orchestra.

“……”

—Is telling Joo-hee about my sexual identity really what you want? It’s no big deal to you. For me, for me, it’s a matter of livelihood…!

Hae-won clutched her throbbing forehead. She didn’t say anything, just listened. The voice, crushed by frustration, rang gloomily, grating on her nerves.

“Where is it? Tell me the time and place.”

—Hae-won-ah. Thank you. Thank you so much.

“I’ll do that favor, so do mine.”

—……

“Never contact me again. If you do, I’ll call Joo-hee myself.”

∞ ∞ ∞

The outside temperature had dropped a few degrees from yesterday. In the cold weather, she wore a coat and gloves. Shouldering her violin case, she left the officetel. A call taxi was waiting on the road. Hae-won got into the back seat and gave the driver the address Senior Choi had sent via text.

The taxi drove for a long time. It entered a deep forest, so deep it was hard to believe it was just outside Seoul, and the taxi driver asked several times with a distrustful look if this was really the right address. Hae-won, half-suspecting that Senior Choi might be messing with her, sat anxiously. Fortunately, after passing through the forest, the taxi slowly decelerated in front of a mansion that appeared.

“Please wait until I’m done. I’ll pay extra for the waiting time.”

“Alright.”

Hae-won asked the taxi driver and got out of the car.

It was President Kim Jeong-geun’s villa somewhere in Yangpyeong. A beautiful villa surrounded by a dark forest, as if she had passed through a gateway to another world, stood imposingly before Hae-won’s eyes.

Getting out of the taxi, Hae-won looked around. A tree cut down in the middle of the garden caught her eye. The traces of being cut down and burned with fire still remained black on the stump.

What kind of tree was it to be left in such a horrific state?

The charred stump not only marred the beauty of the garden and the villa but also made the surroundings gloomy and eerie. None of the splendor and sophistication she had seen at the hotel that day was present. For a villa belonging to Han-gyeong Group’s President Kim Jeong-geun, it felt somewhat abandoned.

Woof, woof!

Then, from somewhere, the loud sound of a dog barking struck her back like a blow. Hae-won flinched. Because of a childhood memory of being chased and bitten by a dog, Hae-won was afraid of dogs. She hastily looked around. The barking sounded quite close, though she couldn’t see the dog. Just from the barking, she could guess the size of a guard dog, but not even a shadow was visible. Suddenly, it felt as if this villa and the surrounding dark forest were all closing in on her.

A middle-aged man in a neat suit approached Hae-won, who was standing with a bewildered face. He seemed to be the villa’s caretaker.

“Are you Moon Hae-won?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll show you inside.”

He tried to take the violin case from Hae-won’s shoulder. Hae-won shook her head to decline and followed him inside. A large door split open in two.

“This way.”

She followed as the man guided her. They headed straight to the living room.

The living room, brightly lit, was empty. President Kim Jeong-geun was nowhere to be seen, and there was no one to listen to Hae-won’s performance. Only the man who had guided her was there.

Hae-won looked around with a puzzled expression. The surroundings were quiet. Wondering if she was the only one feeling strange, the man politely asked,

“What would you like to drink?”

“Coffee, please. Warm.”

“I’ll prepare it. Please have a seat and wait.”

“Weak, please.”

“Understood.”

Even the man who had guided Hae-won disappeared. The feeling of being left alone in this vast place was eerie. After a while, the man brought coffee. Hae-won sat blankly alone, sipping the coffee he brought.

After finishing the coffee, she took out her violin and prepared to start playing as soon as President Kim Jeong-geun arrived. She tightened the bow, turned the peg and fine tuner, and tuned meticulously. Finishing her preparations, she placed the violin on her lap and waited for another long while.

The villa caretaker had also vanished, and no one was in sight. In this vast mansion, Hae-won was now alone.

She hadn’t gotten the date wrong, nor the time. She looked down at her wristwatch. Forty minutes had passed since the appointed time. For forty minutes, no one had appeared.

“Ha.”

Enough time had passed to make her think it was intentional. Various thoughts arose in her mind, but she had no desire to consider their circumstances. Just as Hae-won was about to put the violin back into its case, the door on the opposite side leading to the living room terrace opened, and someone entered.

“……”

“Sorry. I’m a bit late.”

It was Hyun Woo-jin. A face she had never expected to encounter here.

Hae-won hadn’t answered his calls and had changed her officetel door lock code. She didn’t know if he had come to her officetel or not, but in any case, she hadn’t seen him since that night they kissed. That night he had unraveled her like that was about two weeks ago.

Her memories and anguish about him were fading. But seeing him, the events of that night came back as vividly as if they happened yesterday. She clearly remembered the taste of his lips and tongue, their temperature, the strength of his arms, how his heart beat.

Hyun Woo-jin offered a single apology for being late and sat on the sofa without further explanation. He leaned his arm on the armrest and crossed his legs. His clasped hands rested on his thigh. He raised an eyebrow at Hae-won, who was standing silently, watching him.

“What are you doing? Aren’t you going to start?”

“……”

“I’ve already paid. If you’ve taken the money, you should deliver.”

“I’ll return the money.”

“Not necessary.”

“I won’t do it.”

“Didn’t you come to perform?”

“If I’d known it was Prosecutor-nim, I wouldn’t have come.”

As Hae-won hurriedly gathered her violin, he asked.

“Then who did you think it was for?”

“……”

“Of course, the convictions of a violinist who dislikes performing in front of people can be broken for President Kim Jeong-geun.”

Hyun Woo-jin was insulting Hae-won. Implying she would perform for President Kim Jeong-geun but not for him. Misinterpreting Hae-won, who had come alone to the villa at President Kim Jeong-geun’s request, as if she had some sinister intention.

Hae-won hadn’t come here to impress President Kim Jeong-geun. She didn’t need President Kim Jeong-geun’s money. Just as he had believed Lee Jin-young’s false statement and not her, he was still misunderstanding Hae-won now.

Hae-won, who had said she disliked performing in front of people, had come alone to his villa at President Kim Jeong-geun’s personal request. She didn’t want to explain to him the sordid circumstances of reluctantly coming here due to Senior Choi’s request.

“Let me tell you one thing in advance. President Kim Jeong-geun is a gentleman, not someone who would be swayed by that sort of thing. He listens to music with his ears.”

“……”

Implying that she was a courtesan who had come to this villa under the pretext of performing to seduce President Kim Jeong-geun. He was misunderstanding her in that way.

“Why are you looking at me with such an absurd expression?”

“You’re saying absurd things, so I have an absurd expression.”

Hae-won glared at him murderously.

“So you came purely to perform. With no ulterior motives.”

“I came to perform, what else would I come for?”

“Then why aren’t you doing it?”

“……”

“I’m ready to listen, so start.”

Hae-won bit her lower lip, which felt raw. Hyun Woo-jin’s lips still bore faint scars. Hae-won had bitten his lips as warned. She had bitten hard enough to tear flesh. He had bled profusely. If annoyed, poke an eye; if annoyed, bite a lip. He looked at Hae-won as if she were a difficult wild animal, wiping the bleeding lip with the back of his hand. Pulling a few tissues from the bedside table, he pressed them to his lip to stop the bleeding, stared at Hae-won standing guard for a long time, then simply left. That was two weeks ago.

“Just do it. We both made time in our busy schedules to meet.”

He frowned at Hae-won, who was standing her ground, as if genuinely annoyed. Slightly rolling up his sleeve, he checked his wristwatch, indirectly suggesting that much time had already been wasted.

If she didn’t perform, it might look like she had come to try something with President Kim Jeong-geun. And Hae-won didn’t want to appear like such a courtesan to Hyun Woo-jin. She didn’t want to care what he thought or said, but his misunderstanding simultaneously evoked in Hae-won a sense of humiliation, as if garbage had been dumped on her, and a competitive desire to trample that handsome face.

She tightened the bow hair, sufficiently coated with rosin. She placed the violin body on her shoulder. Expecting accompaniment, she had prepared Bruch’s Violin Concerto No. 1 arranged for recital, but of course, there was no piano.

No suitable piece for solo performance came to mind. If she said she couldn’t do it without accompaniment, Hyun Woo-jin would surely mock her. His mockery was like his own social skill, able to naturally make others miserable without lengthy persuasion or threats.

Hae-won thought of Bach’s Partita No. 2, Chaconne. It was a piece she liked, so she didn’t want to play it for him, but nothing else came to mind, and she also wanted to show him proper music so he wouldn’t treat her carelessly in the future.

Without a signal to start or a deep breath, Hae-won unconditionally drew the bow down hard across the strings. A metallic sound sharply and heavily scored the air. A heavy sound resonated in the high-ceilinged, spacious living room. The structure caused the sound to resonate and spread widely.

The living room of the mansion, where only she and Hyun Woo-jin were present, was excessively desolate, giving a vast sense of space as if isolated in the middle of a plain.

Bach’s Chaconne in D minor begins with a theme that continuously transforms and repeats, leading to majestic variations that can fill a hall with just one violin’s solo.

Slowly, the theme rose. Simple combinations of notes could sound sad or painful depending on how they were played. Suddenly rising to a high note, the string seemed to tear apart. It was a painful, sorrowful sound.

Like a gesture stumbling through a gloomy D minor, she followed with the bow. After the ever-changing variations, it fills with long arpeggios.

For Hae-won, the Chaconne was a piece where loneliness was felt not because it was a violin solo, but from the melody itself. Some musicologists claim the Chaconne was composed by Bach to mourn his first wife, Maria, who had passed away before him. It evoked the loneliness and desolation of mourning, the anguish of being so lonely one crawls on the floor with one’s whole body.

Passing the middle section, a breathless cadenza stormed in, and a dazzling playing began as if multiple violins were performing together.

Rosin powder rose like dust, and the rough playing caused bow hairs to snap one by one. At the suffocating climax, Hae-won felt as if her neck were being strangled along with the variations. As if someone were gripping and trying to burst the windpipe governing breath and perception.

She played near the bridge. Sharp, finely honed phrasing, clear as a blade, was Hae-won’s specialty. Her fingers moved frantically across the fingerboard. She had to press three and four notes simultaneously, not missing a single string.

For a single movement, the Chaconne is relatively long, and being an endless variation of the first four measures, it requires tremendous concentration from the violinist performing alone.

Gradually, Hae-won forgot Hyun Woo-jin’s very existence. She completely erased him from her mind, immersed herself in her performance, and connected the intense phrasing.

When her mind began to grow distant, the passionate cadenza ended, returning to the minor key, and the sorrowful initial theme, as if tears were about to pour forth, rose again. Hae-won drew the bow as if it would break. Strength went into the wrist gripping the bow tightly. Playing the final measure, she drew the bow down long, then slowly lifted it from the strings.

“……Haa.”

The breath she had been holding escaped. The surroundings were so quiet that her rapid exhale was audible. Hae-won opened her eyes.

It was President Kim Jeong-geun’s villa. Upon opening her eyes, she remembered this was his villa. Only then did Hae-won become aware of Hyun Woo-jin’s presence. She turned her head. He was there.

Hyun Woo-jin, sitting alone, hadn’t changed his posture. His clasped hands resting on his crossed knee remained the same. With a face deep in meticulous thought, he was staring piercingly at Hae-won.

Literally, it was a gaze so intense it could bore a hole somewhere in her face. Hae-won suddenly felt embarrassed under his fixed stare. Regretting having performed so passionately, she tidied her violin.

She placed the violin in its case. On top, she turned the screw, inserted the loosened bow, and zipped it closed. She had played with so much force that many bow hairs had snapped, requiring a rehair.

As Hae-won turned to leave without a word, he spoke. His voice was choked, the first word cracking.

“I sent the taxi back.”

“……”

“Let’s at least have a drink. You must be thirsty.”

“I don’t have time for that.”

Hae-won refused in a cold tone.

“Then I’ll give you a ride.”

Hyun Woo-jin didn’t insist further and rose from his seat.

“Call me a taxi.”

“Taxis don’t come in here.”

He turned first. Hae-won, who had been thoroughly defensive, had no choice but to sigh and follow him out.

They went outside and waited for Hyun Woo-jin’s car. The man who had first guided her was nowhere to be seen. She was alone with him in this vast mansion. That fact felt strangely eerie.

From somewhere, the clear sound of a bird singing was heard, and in response, the sound of a dog barking echoed. Sounds that might have been beautiful during the day came as threatening, sharp cries of nocturnal animals in the night.

Startled again by the nearby dog barking, Hae-won looked around the dark surroundings. Dogs as big as houses were not visible. Like the dog’s bark, clearly heard but unseen, the garden submerged in darkness stimulated a primal human fear, like a mountain seen at night.

The charred stump positioned in the middle of the garden and the barren winter trees surrounding it made eerie sounds as they brushed against each other in the wind. President Kim Jeong-geun’s Yangpyeong villa was an unsettling place for the sensitive Hae-won.

Hyun Woo-jin’s car stopped in front of her. Hae-won opened the car door. Hyun Woo-jin took the violin and placed it in the back seat. As Hae-won got into the passenger seat and fastened her seatbelt, he stepped on the accelerator. They entered the forest, which felt incredibly long both when entering by taxi and now leaving.

The sound of leaves and branches being crushed under the car wheels on the uneven road surface was heard. There were no human voices or traces.

It was a dark forest that would intimidate even the bravest. When I hate hearing my native language, building a villa in a place like this, completely isolated from the world, and holing up alone might not be so bad, she had thought, but it was so eerie that Hae-won regretted even briefly having such a thought.

Today, Hae-won realized for the first time that she was afraid of pitch darkness. A matte black forest, seemingly impossible to penetrate, surrounded the surroundings. A desperate fear of losing spatial sense and never escaping this forest slowly rose from beneath her feet. Hyun Woo-jin, who had been driving silently, suddenly stopped the car in the desolate space.

Startled, Hae-won looked at him. She wanted to urge him not to stop here, to drive a bit further toward the lit road, but she said nothing. She swallowed dryly.

“What is it.”

Why are you stopping? Hurry up, she urged.

“People have gotten trapped in this forest before. They were lost and wandering, found after three days.”

Moonlight barely pierced through the branches and dry leaves from the very tips of the treetops, shimmering faintly whenever the wind blew through those spots.

“If we got trapped here like this, no one would ever find us, right?”

“Stop talking nonsense and just drive.”

“Are you scared?”

Hae-won reacted sharply toward Hyun Woo-jin, asking what he was trying to say.

“You seem scared.”

“Who said I’m scared?”

“Why are you wearing gloves? In the car.”

He said, looking at Hae-won’s hands. Hae-won was wearing gloves.

“My hands are cold, so I put them on.”

At his answer, Woo-jin turned up the heater. He looked at Hae-won as if to say, ‘It’s warm now, so take them off.’ Hae-won didn’t want to seem sensitive, nor did he want to appear afraid of the dark.

Casually, Hae-won took off the gloves. As his hands were revealed, Woo-jin suddenly grabbed Hae-won’s wrist.

“What are you…!”

“Your fingers are really long.”

Woo-jin placed Hae-won’s awkwardly held hand against his own. The fingers were long, but smaller than his. Woo-jin’s hand was warm. Hae-won could feel the heat. Woo-jin overlapped their hands as if measuring Hae-won’s against his own and stared blankly. The moment his grip loosened, Hae-won quickly pulled his hand away.

“Let’s go.”

“…….”

“I said let’s go.”

“…….”

Woo-jin silently stared at Hae-won. Hae-won hated his intently gazing eyes. Hated being conscious of his breathing. Hated trying to guess what was going on in his head.

“And I won’t perform like this anymore, so don’t contact the orchestra.”

“Right. I should’ve contacted you directly. I didn’t know you’d charge so much. Or is that the usual rate? You must make a lot of money.”

It was the price Seonbae had negotiated for Hae-won. Seonbae must have tested the waters, thinking that amount was appropriate. If Hae-won had refused, he would have lowered the price; if Hae-won had agreed, he would have berated himself for not asking for more.

“Just call me directly.”

“Does that mean you’ll answer my calls from now on?”

Hae-won had ignored Woo-jin’s calls. If he didn’t answer, Woo-jin would contact the Han-gyeong Orchestra, and Seonbae would negotiate his fee with him. It was more than just unpleasant.

“I’ll answer, so don’t go through them.”

“Is there something that would become difficult if I contacted them?”

“Not difficult, just annoying.”

“Why do you have so many annoyingly clingy people around you, Moon Hae-won? Your surroundings are quite messy.”

Hae-won almost said, ‘You’re one of them,’ but stopped. It seemed like the car would never move if he did.

“I should clean it up a bit.”

He said meaningfully.

“Let’s go now.”

Woo-jin, who had been stalling, finally started the car. The winter forest, which Hae-won never wanted to enter again, grew distant behind them.

They drove in silence for a while before arriving in front of the Officetel.

“Drop me off here.”

Ignoring Hae-won’s fidgeting to get out, Woo-jin drove into the Officetel parking lot. Finding no empty spots, he circled around and descended to the fourth basement level. The dark B4 floor had cars sparsely parked.

He parked in a corner and turned off the engine. The car fell silent instantly. Hae-won twisted his upper body to grab the violin from the back seat. Woo-jin slowly extended his arm, blocking the space between the seats. Hae-won looked up at him.

“Did I say before that I wasn’t serious?”

“…….”

“I feel a bit like getting serious with you today.”

“I don’t have such thoughts.”

“Are you seeing someone?”

“No.”

“Then it’s fine. I guess I don’t need to clean up.”

“Clean up what?”

“I said earlier. Your surroundings are so messy, I should clean them up.”

“It’s none of your business.”

“It is now. If you want to know what I mean by getting serious, you can see whoever you want.”

“I said I don’t intend to get serious.”

“Do you know the term ‘ruin and destruction’?”

“…….”

“Between us, it’s like that. Exterminating the entire clan.”

“…….”

“Ah, of course, only the guilty.”

He lightly tapped Hae-won’s cheek, which had gone pale. The worst thing about Woo-jin was that his hands were warm. He was calmly uttering threats. Hae-won stared at him with disgust. The hand that had tapped his cheek soon cupped it, covering his cheek and ear entirely.

He tilted his head and leaned closer. Hae-won blinked slowly, neither looking at him nor avoiding him, and said,

“Don’t.”

“If that’s the case, you shouldn’t have performed earlier.”

“I said don’t.”

“You’re not doing this because you got excited watching that.”

He said soothingly, as if placating a sulking child.

“Did you say that to Tae-shin too? That you want to get serious?”

“…….”

The hand cupping Hae-won’s nape loosened. As if disgusted that Hae-won had brought up Tae-shin’s name even in this situation. Woo-jin took a deep breath. Watching his chest rise and fall in real-time was as effective a social skill as his timely sneers. Hae-won stared at him tensely.

“You don’t listen to people.”

“Do you think I’d listen to you?”

“Then I’ll make you listen.”

“…….”

“You’ll come crawling to me on all fours first.”

He unlocked the car door as if telling Hae-won to get out now. Hae-won hurriedly grabbed the violin and scrambled out of Woo-jin’s car. Slamming the door shut, a loud bang echoed harshly through the underground parking lot. Soon, an eerie, desolate silence densely filled the void left by the sound.

The screeching friction of tires against the floor as his car swiftly exited the parking lot sharply reached Hae-won’s back as he turned away.

∞ ∞ ∞

For several days, Hae-won didn’t leave the Officetel. He played the violin nonstop until his fingers ached and the tips swelled red, even though calluses had formed and there was no reason for pain. After finishing a piece and gasping for breath, Woo-jin whispered.

「He’s dead.」

When he played another piece as if fleeing, and his arm hurt so much he put down the bow, Woo-jin approached from behind the panting Hae-won and whispered in his ear.

「He’s dead.」

Hae-won wasn’t drawn to him. He wasn’t drawn to him. From head to toe, Hae-won disliked Woo-jin. His way of speaking wasn’t great either. He hated how his grip was brutishly strong. He didn’t like that his hair resembled the black of a winter forest. He hated that his pupils and hair were the same color. He hated his eyes that seemed to dig into people.

Above all, what he hated most were the warm hands. The long fingers. And amidst it all, the insincere tenderness—remembering that Hae-won was a violinist and loosening his grip, like a thread dangling in a mouse hole.

He starved for a full day.

Hae-won clutched his hungry stomach and rummaged through the fridge. A water bottle, beer, shriveled carrots, and moldy bread that had no business being in the fridge sat under the yellow light.

Hae-won turned on his phone. Missed calls flooded in. Woo-jin’s number, which he hadn’t saved but had memorized the last digits, wasn’t there. He had said he’d make Hae-won crawl to him like a dog on all fours first. Having said that, there was no way he’d call first. Senior Choi had also called multiple times. Hae-won called him.

—Hae-won.

He answered with a surprised voice before it rang a few times.

“I’m hungry.”

—Huh? What?

“I’m hungry.”

—Where are you?

“Home.”

Hae-won leaned against the fridge, hungry, and slid down to the floor. Only after crouching did he realize it wasn’t just one day of starvation—it had already been three days. The red, swollen fingertips from three days of frantic playing throbbed with sensitive pain, aching even with the slightest twitch.

—Should I come?

“Bring something to eat.”

—What do you want?

“Anything.”

—Is it the right place? The Officetel next to Donghwa Building.

“Yes.”

He hung up. He plopped his sliding butt onto the floor. Resting his face on his knees, he stared blankly. Dust had accumulated under the sink. It was piled thickly, as if no one had been there for months.

I don’t want to do such a thing. A man my dead friend liked. It was worse than an affair, worse than depravity. An affair would be better. Any betrayal was better than being drawn to someone a friend who committed suicide had liked.

If Tae-shin hadn’t died, it might not have mattered. He bore not a tenth of the blame for Tae-shin’s death.

Woo-jin said he didn’t know why Tae-shin made such an extreme choice. Tae-shin had never told Hae-won he wanted to die or stop living. Though he often had unrequited loves, he wasn’t the type to pity himself. He didn’t see himself as a tragic protagonist. If he liked someone, he reveled in his own feelings. If they disliked him, it couldn’t be helped; if they liked him, even if he was being used, he said he was happy too. Tae-shin’s unrequited loves were neither extreme nor tragic.

Still, he must have liked him a lot. Yes, looking back, it seemed he liked him quite differently from anyone before. Even so, Tae-shin wasn’t an idiot who’d take his life over a man.

Woo-jin said it seemed like Tae-shin had made bad friends, that his objet might have been used for money laundering, and that he might have chosen death out of fear of being dragged into something terrifying he couldn’t take responsibility for.

He said Tae-shin had a diary. Reading it might reveal why he died. But he just threw it away. Without looking, without mourning, without remembering.

Probably not. You didn’t like this guy, right……?

You didn’t like him enough to want to die, right?

Even though he wouldn’t care what the living Tae-shin said, Hae-won asked the dead Tae-shin. Tae-shin only exerted influence over him after death.

He lifted his head at the doorbell. Seonbae seemed to have already arrived. Opening the door, Senior Choi stood there, breathing heavily as if he’d rushed over. He held a bag from a nearby bakery. Hae-won took the bag from his hand. As he tried to close the door, the flustered Seonbae quickly grabbed the closing door.

“Hae-won?”

“Yes?”

“Aren’t you going to let me in?”

“Come in if you want.”

Pushing the held door, Seonbae entered. Hae-won opened the bag. He grabbed any bread within reach and ate it hastily, not tasting it.

He rambled meaninglessly about the place being spacious, or how empty it felt without furniture.

Senior Choi sat on the sofa and handed Hae-won, who was munching on bread, an opened milk carton.

“You’ll get indigestion. Have you been starving?”

“I didn’t realize because I was practicing.”

“Impressive. That concentration.”

Hae-won devoured three pieces of bread frantically. He gulped down the milk without leaving a drop. Only then did the hunger that had tightened his stomach disappear. Seonbae, who had been quietly watching him eat like a man possessed beside the sofa, reached out and brushed the breadcrumbs from the corner of Hae-won’s mouth.

“You’re misunderstanding.”

“What?”

“You think I’m using you to take money behind your back, right?”

Come to think of it, he had told him not to contact him again. He said if he contacted him, he’d call his wife. Only at his words did Hae-won remember they had argued and he had warned him never to contact him again. Come to think of it, that had happened.

“I told you not to call. That I’d call Joo-hee if you did.”

He had left many missed calls. Hae-won had completely forgotten about the incident with him. Because of Woo-jin, he had forgotten about Seonbae.

“Didn’t you forgive me?”

Seeing the numerous missed calls, it was Hae-won himself who had called him. Hungry, he had summoned him to the Officetel to bring anything to eat. To him, it must have seemed like forgiveness. Hae-won couldn’t say he had warned him and then forgotten.

“I meant I didn’t want to see you. Ever again.”

“I’m actually in the process of a mutual divorce with Joo-hee.”

To him, charm was the baseness of hovering before sin without crossing the line. When Hae-won stared blankly, thinking he was curious about the reason, he added.

“It’s been a while, actually. I was saving it to tell you in person. But suddenly President Kim Jeong-geun contacted me.”

“…….”

“You were really upset because of me, right?”

“Did you find out?”

“What? No. Not that. Joo-hee was having an affair. Seems there was a man she’d been seeing since before marriage.”

“…….”

“Funny, right?”

It wasn’t funny at all. Before marriage, he had a secret lover, and she had a secret lover. A man and a woman, each with secret lovers, got married. They, with their secret lovers, divorced. Their marriage seemed fair, and as Seonbae said, it was laughable. It was pure comedy.

“We sorted it out, us.”

With a relieved face, as if freed from some shackle binding his ankles rather than saddened by the divorce, he spoke.

Both he and Hae-won had done it out of boredom. It was enjoyable watching him feel desire and flounder in guilt, and his suffering, kneeling before desire each time, felt fresh.

Hae-won was the same kind of person as Woo-jin. He had never truly liked anyone, never desired anyone. To Hae-won, emotion was like that black forest he had passed through with Woo-jin then—untouched by seasons. Yes, a desolate winter forest with nothing, no sound. And now, emotion was beginning to stir in him. And for the man his friend who committed suicide had liked.

“So?”

“……Aren’t you happy?”

“Happy? Me?”

Hae-won asked him back why he should be.

“Didn’t you want me to divorce? You told me to tell Joo-hee.”

“I thought you wouldn’t be able to say it anyway. I was just spouting nonsense when I said not to call again.”

“What?”

Seonbae closed his mouth briefly, perhaps recalling that time. An awkward silence passed. Proving he was an adult older than Hae-won, he spoke in a quiet tone. His manner of speech was as calm as his expression.

“Your playing, it’s a waste to listen alone. I wanted as many people as possible to hear it. Especially those who could give you opportunities. You said you needed money. In my own way, trying to connect you, things turned out like that. And I had to do that too……”

“…….”

“So I could contact you.”

“…….”

“What pretext do I have to contact you?”

When he acknowledged his own baseness as baseness, it didn’t seem so base. His cowardice carried a human scent.

“I thought you’d be happy.”

“About what?”

“That you’d be happy if I said I divorced.”

He spoke despondently. As if embarrassed while speaking, he kept wiping his reddened face. The skin on his face was rubbed here and there.

“I’m not that expensive.”

“Huh?”

Lowering the hand wiping his face, Senior Choi looked at Hae-won. His eyes seemed to regard himself as pathetic.

Woo-jin said if Hae-won saw anyone, he wouldn’t leave him alone. Woo-jin should know. Hae-won could see anyone. But not the man the late Lee Tae-shin had liked.

Hae-won reached out and grabbed the hem of his coat. He slid the coat off over Seonbae’s shoulders. Stiffened, he didn’t move. When Hae-won pulled at the sleeve that wouldn’t come off, he finally raised his arm.

After taking off his coat, he popped open the buttons of his shirt, one by one. The face standardized by neatness turned toward him. He took off his shirt too. Goosebumps rose on his arms, as if his bare upper body felt cold. Exposed, he opened his mouth in confusion.

“……I’m not very good.”

“…….”

“Sorry. Other than you……, actually, I’ve never done it before.”

He meant it was his first time. Hae-won grabbed the hem of his own T-shirt and pulled it over his head. Their eyes met. He awkwardly raised his body from the sofa and moved aside to sit. Grabbing Seonbae’s arm, he pulled him. As if entranced, he slowly rose. Hae-won lay back on the sofa. He looked up at him covering him from above.

He unfastened Senior Choi’s waistband. Undoing the buckle and lowering the zipper, he slid his hand into the underwear that radiated a warm heat. He felt the densely grown pubic hair. As he went further down, Senior Choi’s jaw clenched tightly. He slowly stroked the half-erect genitals. The flesh took shape and swelled to a terrifying volume. As if startled by the unexpected stimulation, his breath burst out like a cough.

“Hhuuut……!”

“Then, should I put it in?”

When Hae-won asked, recalling the senior’s words about never having tried it, his face flushed bright red. Fondling the man’s lower parts, which were responding earnestly and healthily, Hae-won whispered.

“For me, rather than putting it in myself… I get wet when someone… thrusts into me. I like being penetrated. With something like this… roughly.”

Taking his hand, Hae-won made him touch himself. He guided the senior’s hand into his loose training pants, letting it grope deeper inside. His legs spread apart. As Hyun Woo-jin had said, it was true that he liked spreading his legs for a man.

With urgent hands, the senior pulled down Hae-won’s pants and underwear all at once. His fully erect genitals throbbed as if about to burst any moment. He easily stripped Hae-won’s lower half. The senior’s pants and Hae-won’s pants tangled together and fell to the floor. Their bare legs intertwined.

Hae-won pulled him into an embrace. He kissed him and sucked on the man’s tongue. Closing his eyes, Hyun Woo-jin was there. Startled, he opened his eyes. He met the gaze of the senior, whose face looked as if it might burst.

“Hae-won-ah. Ah, Hae-won-ah…….”

Hae-won couldn’t admit it. He had never liked anyone before. He had never desired anyone before. He hadn’t known that the feeling of being drawn to someone could be this filthy and disgusting.

The senior, who was doing this for the first time, roughly handled Hae-won’s lower body. Growing impatient, he spat to wet the area below, gripped his own genitals, and hastily rubbed the tip against the entrance. The sensation of the sensitive spot being rubbed made his mind go blank.

“Haa, ah……, Seonbae. Ugh……, Seonbae.”

“Hhuu, Hae-won-ah. What do I do? I, I can’t hold back.”

He didn’t know what he couldn’t hold back, but his voice was rough. He thrust his thing inside Hae-won. Something large pushed in, pressing down on his internal organs.

Hae-won grabbed his shoulders and heaved his chest. As if out of his mind, the senior kissed any part of Hae-won’s naked body. The epitome of neatness and gentlemanliness, he greedily licked and sucked at his flesh.

That’s what desire is. Ugly, dirty, and greedy. You can’t wear a mask. You can hide nothing.

Hae-won wanted this from Hyun Woo-jin. From the man his dead friend had a crush on.

He persistently sucked Hae-won’s chest while thrusting below in a hurried, rhythmless manner. Hae-won wrapped his arms around his neck. Perhaps the stimulation was too much, he ejaculated. As he came, his face contorted in frustration. He resented his genitals for ejaculating too early, not wanting to pull out.

He kept going until his erection subsided. So much so that later, the semen visibly thinned.

Hae-won lay on the sofa, stroking the back of the senior’s head as he sucked his chest, staring blankly at the ceiling.