By Zephyria “I’m not going to smoke.”
Jae-yi pushed the lighter and cigarette to the corner of the table and took off his Ball Cap. Then, his bright brown hair scattered, completely revealing his handsome face.
“I took this out habitually. I’ve actually been trying to quit smoking for a while now.”
“Wow, that’s amazing. I heard it’s really hard to quit smoking….”
I pushed the Dark Beer that Jae-yi had ordered towards him and set up the Buffalo Wings and shrimp tempura in an easy-to-reach position.
“Sung Se-han is quitting smoking too, so there’s no reason I can’t.”
Just hearing Sung Se-han’s name made my heart suddenly pound, so there really seems to be a problem.
Jae-yi took a swig of beer, checked his phone, and looked up.
“Do you contact Sung Se-han often these days?”
“Ah… yes. I told him to do well at the concert this afternoon….”
“When was the last time you met?”
I was briefly flustered by Jae-yi’s interrogative tone, but it was just a normal question anyway. I just needed to answer casually and move on.
“I met Se-han briefly… before he went to Japan.”
“You two are really close.”
Jae-yi shook his head as if he was amazed.
“In some ways, it’s amazing, Lee Tae-kyung. I’ve never seen Sung Se-han take care of someone like this before.”
“That’s because… I’ve been his friend since we were young….”
“I’ve been Se-han’s friend since he was eight years old.”
I was jealous when I first heard those words. I really hated that Jae-yi Sunbae had spent so much more time with Sung Se-han than I had.
But now, in addition to jealousy, I felt a painful feeling.
“Sunbae must be Se-han’s oldest friend.”
“Well, you could say that.”
Jae-yi clicked the lighter and stared at me. His gaze was so sharp that it wasn’t easy to maintain a smile.
“You asked me to tell you Sung Se-han’s secret, right?”
“It’s okay, Sunbae. I already heard the secret from Se-han that day….”
“Did you also hear that Sung Se-han didn’t speak a word until he was over ten years old, like a mute?”
My fist clenched tightly at the feeling that my heart was sinking. I chugged down the beer and then met Jae-yi’s gaze again.
“Sunbae, mute? I wish you would choose your words more carefully.”
Clatter. Jae-yi slammed the lighter down as if throwing it and gritted his teeth.
“Don’t be cocky.”
I was also furious at Jae-yi, who wasn’t hiding his hostility.
“It was my mistake to ask Sunbae about Se-han’s secret back then. Se-han said he would slowly tell me about himself from now on, so to Sunbae….”
“Lee Tae-kyung.”
Jae-yi, who had been sitting close to the table, leaned back and rested his back on the chair.
“If Sung Se-han hits you, can you maintain your friendship while being beaten by him?”
I couldn’t answer and just stared at Jae-yi before finally lowering my gaze.
I felt as if all the strength had drained from my body, and I suddenly felt listless.
“Answer me.”
When I closed my mouth, Jae-yi’s voice started to get louder.
“He doesn’t answer you even after you chase after him for years, he throws things at you and hurts you. He even hits you with his fists, but can you still be a good friend without changing?”
“Jae-yi Sunbae….”
I pressed my hands against my eyes and took a deep breath. I tried to cool my head and calm my heart. I repeated it to myself, but it didn’t work.
Instead of becoming calm, I felt an increasingly painful feeling boiling up.
Jae-yi was able to be with the young Sung Se-han that I had abandoned.
He was able to get through the difficult times with that beautiful child who was clumsy at controlling his emotions.
This is really, too unfair. Why is it Jae-yi Sunbae and not me? I, I should have been by Se-han’s side.
I wanted to never break up and always be by his side, doing anything for him. Even if he was subjected to such deadly violence again, I would never let him go…!
“If I was subjected to such things….”
My voice didn’t come out well, as if my throat was completely dry.
“Unless you’re an idiot, you usually can’t be friends if you’re subjected to such violence.”
I needed to calm my heart to have a proper conversation, but I had a feeling that it wouldn’t work out today.
“But, I don’t know. I think I still would have wanted to be Se-han’s friend. I don’t know why….”
No matter what I was subjected to, I wouldn’t have been able to leave Sung Se-han anyway.
Just like I had returned to before Sung Se-han’s death, I wouldn’t have given up his side in the end. There were no other options, I was even sure of that now.
“Is that so?”
Jae-yi smiled lightly and glared at me. Jae-yi’s breathing, which echoed in the narrow space, was becoming increasingly rough.
“You’re really Sung Se-han’s perfect friend, aren’t you?”
I stared at Jae-yi, gripping the beer glass tightly. I had to swallow hard to suppress the sudden nausea.
“Isn’t Sunbae the perfect friend? You were a good friend, enduring all that even at a young age. Se-han will really be grateful.”
“Yeah. A normal person would naturally think that way.”
Jae-yi emptied the remaining beer and slammed the glass down loudly. Then he wiped his mouth and smiled.
“But Sung Se-han is completely ignoring me now. I used to be able to contact him occasionally, but he hasn’t been answering my calls since the beginning of this year. Do you think I deserve to be treated like this?”
“That’s….”
What should I say? I couldn’t come up with any answers, so I just chewed on my lip.
“Sunbae, maybe Se-han has been too busy because he suddenly started preparing for his solo album….”
“Wake up, Lee Tae-kyung.”
“Yes…?”
Jae-yi smiled coldly at my bewildered face.
“Sung Se-han is being a little nice to you, so you’re acting like you’re something special. It’s Sung Se-han’s specialty to melt people’s hearts as if he has feelings even when he doesn’t. Don’t you know that?”
“…….”
Hoo. I kept feeling nauseous, so I covered my mouth with the back of my hand.
“Sunbae, have you said everything you wanted to say?”
“Do you think I’m making things up?”
I looked at the door, wanting to run out and breathe in some fresh air. Jae-yi Sunbae tapped the table and caught my gaze.
“All the female students you liked in the past, they all dated Sung Se-han, right?”
“……!”
Jae-yi gave a soft smile at my surprised, wide-eyed expression. Even so, the gaze that was fixed on me was coldly subdued.
“He seduced girls as if he liked them even when he didn’t, dated them for a month or two, and then broke up. I’ve witnessed it all.”
What was this feeling of suddenly having the back of my head tighten? Should I call it a brain cramp…?
“Sung Se-han doesn’t have any guilt about that kind of thing. He’s not interested in caring about others.”
“Sunbae, just a moment….”
My head was throbbing, so I pressed my fingertips against my temples. It had some effect.
“I’m honestly embarrassed. What’s the reason you’re telling me all this….”
“I think you’re being deceived by Sung Se-han right now too. I’m telling you to wake up.”
Hoo. I took a deep breath and cooled my hot cheeks with the back of my cold hand.
“Sung Se-han is a crazy bastard who doesn’t feel guilty even when he does something wrong and doesn’t know how to care about others, but still, Sunbae likes Se-han, right?”
My heart grew heavier as Jae-yi’s expression became increasingly distorted.
“I know all of Se-han’s bad points too, but I still like Se-han. I want to be a friend that Se-han can trust and rely on. So… I wish you wouldn’t tell me about Se-han’s shortcomings.”
Jae-yi shook his head with his arms crossed.
“You’re really, deeply in love with Se-han.”
And what about Sunbae? I swallowed the words that were about to come out, and my chest felt stuffy.
“Sunbae, I’ll order more beer.”
“Yeah, order it. I’m thirsty too.”
I ordered several bottles of beer to calm my heart.
“Sunbae, I’m sorry, but if I want to confirm what I heard with Se-han, your name will have to come up….”
“Who said to hide it?”
Jae-yi put the cold shrimp tempura in his mouth and clicked the lighter again.
“Confirm with Sung Se-han and tell him you heard it from me. Do you think I’m afraid of that?”
“Ha….”
I looked at the ceiling for a moment, drank the beer, and then looked up again.
“Se-han is coming back tomorrow, so you two should talk it over. Don’t do this to me.”
“It’s hard to make an appointment because Sung Se-han is acting too high and mighty.”
“So, if Sung Se-han goes to see you directly, your friendship will get worse.”
Haha. Jae-yi gave a cynical laugh as if he was amused.
“Then isn’t that better for you?”
“Why would that be good for me?”
“You’re jealous, aren’t you? That Se-han and I have been friends longer.”
I took a deep breath to cool my head, but my face kept getting hot, probably because of the alcohol.
“Still, I’m grateful to Sunbae. For being a good friend to Se-han….”
Clatter! Jae-yi stood up abruptly, causing the beer bottle to fall to the side.
“Didn’t I tell you not to be cocky?”
I had no choice but to get up from the chair as well because of the force with which he grabbed my collar.
“Why are you thanking me for taking care of Se-han? What are you!”
T T