By Zephyria Tears began to flow uncontrollably at the gentle touch stroking my head. I bit down hard to control the emotions that were bursting out, but sobbing sounds kept leaking out.
“Se-han asked me. Se-han, who had closed his mouth for two years after Grandmother passed away… asked me to see Tae-kyung. Tae-kyung is like a miracle to Se-han. Meeting Tae-kyung made Se-han….”
“Please stop!”
Please stop now, stop everything! I pushed away Auntie’s hand that was patting my shoulder and jumped up. Everything was blurry and I couldn’t see anything properly, but Auntie and Kang Robin Sunbae were probably looking at me in disbelief.
I could easily imagine how hideous I looked, making such a fierce expression while tears were streaming down my face.
“Auntie, do you… want me to pity Sung Se-han?”
“What… did you say?”
I saw Auntie, who was trying to approach me, hesitate. I wiped away the tears with the back of my hand and glared again.
“If you don’t want to hurt my heart and make me suffer, then please stop now, Auntie. Sung Se-han already said it’s over. He… never looks back once he turns around. Sung Se-han is….”
Sung Se-han doesn’t look at me anymore. I’m no longer in Sung Se-han’s world.
Sung Se-han vanished completely from my sight, as if to show me that he had no lingering feelings for me. Maybe I wouldn’t even be able to see a single strand of his hair anymore.
My heart ached as if it were being torn apart, and tears streamed down my face.
“Se-han isn’t as weak as Auntie worries!”
I didn’t know what I had done to deserve shouting, but I felt like I couldn’t bear it unless I yelled.
I don’t know. Maybe I was just resentful of everything, so I yelled at Auntie. At Kang Robin Sunbae, who called me to this place and made me lose my mind, and because I hated and resented Auntie so much.
“That’s enough.”
My shoulders flinched at Kang Robin Sunbae’s sharp voice. Kang Robin Sunbae, who had risen from his chair, pointed behind me with his finger.
“I understand your intentions. Lee Tae-kyung, you can go now.”
Get out of my sight right now. That’s what Kang Robin Sunbae was saying. As if I had been waiting for it, I turned around. But before I could even take a step, my knees buckled and I fell forward.
“Tae-kyung!”
Auntie screamed and rushed over, but I refused the hand that tried to grab my shoulder.
“I’m sorry. I’ll be going now.”
I stumbled as I got up and walked towards the elevator, tripping several times. Auntie, who was following me, couldn’t bring herself to support me and sighed in frustration several times.
“Tae-kyung, Secretary Kim will take you safely to your accommodation. If you have any discomfort, contact me anytime. Okay?”
Even after the elevator doors closed and I was alone, I couldn’t lift my head. Leaning against the wall, I looked at the floor and continued to breathe roughly.
Ah, I wish this elevator would just crash.
“…!”
I lifted my head sharply. I focused my eyes on the tears that were falling.
“Am I crazy, really…!”
I quickly shook my head to shake off the ominous thought. I had just had a crazy thought for a moment, it was definitely not my true feelings. I clutched my chest, trying to calm my heart that was beating so urgently as if it would burst.
Just then, the elevator stopped with an alarm and the doors began to open.
“Lee Tae-kyung, I’ve been waiting…”
Someone called my name, but I ignored them and rushed out of the elevator. I don’t even know how I ran through the lobby. As I ran mindlessly, I found myself out of the entrance of the Century Hotel and running towards the park.
Thump. Thump. Thump. After running for a while, my heart seemed to be calming down, thankfully.
My legs, which had been slowing down little by little, slowly came to a stop.
“Haa, haa…!”
I tilted my head back and looked at the sky, still clutching my chest.
“It wasn’t my true feelings, I swear. You know that, right?”
I corrected the facts out loud, just in case someone had heard my thoughts.
“I am, really satisfied and happy. As long as…”
As long as Sung Se-han exists in good health. If he stays in the same time as me, I won’t ask for anything more.
So I have to live a healthy and fulfilling life too. For me, my family, and Sung Se-han.
“If you let me live like this, I will live virtuously.”
What do I have to do to live virtuously? Why do only I have to live virtuously? I bit back the simmering dissatisfaction. With my fists clenched tightly.
*
July 31st. Sung Se-han’s solo track, released a month ago, was still firmly holding the top spot on the charts, and our team had safely finished the survival unit competition.
The collaboration with the Asla Sunbaes was quite smooth, and I was able to learn a lot thanks to being in a unit with them.
As for me, I can say that I lived each day diligently.
I was in charge of active communication with the Asla Sunbaes, participated in Soo-in’s rap making, and didn’t hesitate to fight with the Sunbaes to keep our team’s choreography from being pushed back.
Thanks to living 48 hours a day, my average sleep time didn’t exceed 3 hours. Still, I didn’t feel tired as I ran around, probably because each task was rewarding and meaningful.
Perfect Puzzle, without Sung Se-han, formed a unit with Jumping Boys, and as expected, they put on a powerful stage that was on a different level, proving they were the strongest team.
But even while watching that great performance, I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was like flat beer. But what could I do? The time when Sung Se-han isn’t with me is always like that.
“Hyungs, can’t we have a beer today?”
Jeong-min, who was in the car returning to the dorm after the recording, voiced a novel idea. I, who had been leaning against the window looking at the dark streets, lifted my head sharply and looked at Jeong-min.
“Our Jeong-min, do you want to be scolded by Hyung on a good day after doing well on the unit stage?”
“No… Tae-kyung Hyung, on a day like today…”
“I promised your mother that I would take good care of you, are you going to make me a Hyung who feeds alcohol to a kid?”
Jeong-min pouted as I narrowed my eyes.
“Hyung is more of a fuss than my mom, seriously!”
“Jeong-min, Hyung is trying to live virtuously, so please cooperate. Okay?”
I stroked Jeong-min’s head and leaned back against the window, and the dorm apartment began to appear in the distance. I closed my eyes and estimated. Will I be able to sleep properly today? It would be nice if I could sleep soundly without even dreaming.
When we arrived at the underground parking lot and got out of the car, the cell phone I was holding vibrated. I checked the screen without thinking and froze.
[Come out to the playground for a bit.]
It was a message from Sung Se-han. Sung Se-han contacted me.
My mind went blank as if it had turned into a blank sheet of paper. I couldn’t think of anything, so I opened my mouth stupidly.
“What…?”
Sung Se-han came…? Wait, where did he say? Playground? Playground… where? Could it be here, the dorm playground?
“Tae-kyung.”
Gun-woo Hyung suddenly stuck his face out, and I was so startled that I stepped back.
“What’s wrong? Is something wrong?”
“No, it’s nothing. Nothing…”
The members looked at me strangely as I hid my cell phone behind me in a panic.
“Hyung, what’s wrong? Did you get some bad news or something?”
“Tae-kyung Hyung, are you okay?”
“Ah…! I’m, I’m okay. Nothing’s wrong…”
I tried to reassure the members, but there was no way it would work. I could feel myself floundering around, unable to handle the chaotic thoughts in my head.
“Tae-kyung, why is your face so pale? Are you sick?”
Doo-hyun Hyung touched my forehead, but I didn’t feel anything and just blinked.
“Doo-hyun Hyung, I’m going to go out for a bit.”
“Huh? Where?”
Where am I going? I could only shake my head at Doo-hyun Hyung’s question. No. I can’t meet Sung Se-han now. My instincts were telling me. I shouldn’t see Sung Se-han again. But my eyes were already heading towards the stairs next to the elevator.
“A friend… came to see me. I think I have to go quickly.”
“Okay. But, Tae-kyung. Are you really okay…”
Because I was in such a hurry, I couldn’t even answer Gun-woo Hyung, who was worried, and started running. I ran madly up the stairs, past the lobby, and out into the street. The feet that were running straight to the playground suddenly stopped as if they had slammed on the brakes.
“No…”
My mind came back as if I had been struck by lightning, and I looked around. In the illuminated apartments, there were residents taking walks even though it was late, close to 12 o’clock.
“Let’s get a grip.”
I took a step back and turned around to walk quickly. There’s no reason to see Sung Se-han again. It was clear that there would be no good in seeing him. If I see his face now, I might have an even harder time in the future…
Uuung. The cell phone vibrated again. I slowly stopped walking and checked the message that had arrived.
[I saw the car coming in. Don’t avoid me and come out.]
As soon as I checked the text, I turned around and ran to the playground. He saw our car coming in. Just how long has Sung Se-han been waiting? What is he trying to do on such a hot day…
As I passed the community building, my feet stopped again the moment I saw the playground.
“Haa. Hoo…!”
Before I could even catch my breath, my eyes were frantically searching for Sung Se-han. Ah, I see him. It was as if the playground lights were shining down on Sung Se-han. Even from a distance, I could recognize Sung Se-han sitting on the swing at once.