By Zephyria I was only shaken for a moment, and I knew how to care for Sung Se-han. That it was also the path for myself.
So, there’s no need to be selfish or cowardly anymore.
It was originally my pride that I could do anything for Sung Se-han. Now it’s time to reclaim that.
I looked up at Sung Se-han silently for a moment.
“Sung Se-han… you didn’t need to throw yourself for me.”
Sung Se-han’s pupils widened slightly at my words. I raised my voice a little more, feeling a sense of crisis that I wouldn’t be able to finish everything I wanted to say if I paid attention to such subtle reactions one by one.
“We haven’t even been dating for very long. Honestly, I just liked your looks, but I’m a little tired of you acting like we’re in some kind of love of the century.”
Sung Se-han was still staring at me with his hand on the table. He barely changed his expression. I felt like I wanted to bite my tongue instead.
“The fact that you saw me in your dreams… is actually too weird… and the stalking was a little unpleasant.”
I didn’t have the capacity to feel sorry for Sung Se-han, who was listening to such trashy words. It felt like a hot iron ball was rolling around in my heart, and I had no room to think about Sung Se-han’s feelings because I was busy killing that pain.
“I’m just an ordinary person after all… I can’t keep up with the thoughts of a genius. I don’t think we’re a good match.”
I had to gather all my energy to make Sung Se-han understand, but Sung Se-han, who was looking at me, maintained a frighteningly expressionless face.
“Is that all you wanted to say?”
For a moment, Sung Se-han’s brown eyes flashed. Still, I opened my mouth firmly.
“You know what I’m talking about. I don’t want to see you anymore.”
Pfft. I swallowed dryly as Sung Se-han raised the corners of his mouth and smiled.
“I.”
Sung Se-han slowly swept back his hair. I looked at the hair flowing between his fingers, trying to avoid his cold brown eyes.
“I told you not to think about running away.”
When Sung Se-han’s gaze, which had been looking up at the ceiling, turned back to me, my heart sank. It was the first time I had seen Sung Se-han’s eyes like that, as if he had completely lost it.
“Sung Se-han….”
When I took a step back without realizing it, Sung Se-han came around the island table towards me.
“Sung Se-han, wait…!”
Sung Se-han, who had strode closer, snatched my arm. Before I could even pull myself together from the big sway, I started to be dragged away by a brutal force.
“What are you doing! Let go of this!”
My head went white with a sense of crisis that something big had happened. I swung my arm without realizing it, hit Sung Se-han’s shoulder, and shuddered. I almost punched his stitched-up arm.
“Sung Se-han! Please let go of this…!”
I resisted almost lying down, but Sung Se-han dragged me towards the room. Sung Se-han seemed to be completely out of his mind right now.
“I have someone I like!”
Se-han stopped, halting his movements to look down at me.
“You said you saw it too! The person I really like!”
The moment Sung Se-han’s hand lost its grip, I quickly got up and moved away from him. But my trembling legs wouldn’t move as I wanted them to.
“Se-han, I…!”
Sung Se-han’s hair was disheveled, completely covering his left eye. Yet, Sung Se-han was still staring at me, frozen, as if he hadn’t even noticed.
“I’ve had someone I’ve liked for a long time. Someone I’ve spent a long time with, a time that can’t even be compared to you.”
My gaze kept going to Sung Se-han’s left arm, causing goosebumps to rise on my skin.
I mustn’t forget.
What I had to go through after the arm injury.
“Se-han, you said it yourself. To forget all past relationships.”
I was foolish.
To have saved Sung Se-han after promising to give him my whole heart.
To have coveted Sung Se-han again and tried to possess him.
Because I broke my promise, Sung Se-han would have another accident. It was an inevitable conclusion.
So, I had to get away from Sung Se-han as soon as possible. This was the only answer.
“But Se-han, that person makes up the Lee Tae-kyung of the past, the Lee Tae-kyung of the present, and the Lee Tae-kyung of the future. So how can they be a past relationship?”
Even Sung Se-han’s blank gaze, which I was seeing for the first time, couldn’t shake me.
Sung Se-han had to survive. He had to be healthy and alive. If Sung Se-han was alive, I could do anything.
I had forgotten something so obvious; I couldn’t even laugh at my own foolishness.
“I feel sorry to you. It wasn’t my intention, but… it’s true that I confused you.”
Sung Se-han just stood there quietly, watching me take step after step backward.
“Se-han, as more time passes, you’ll be able to have proper dreams. If I’m not around, you’ll go back to normal too. Definitely.”
For a moment, a light flashed in Sung Se-han’s eyes, which had seemed black and white.
“Why bother?”
Sung Se-han took a step forward with such force that I quickly backed away.
“Why should I go back to normal without you?”
“Se-han!”
Before Sung Se-han’s hand could snatch me again, I had to speak.
“I can’t live without that person!”
Sung Se-han’s face, covered in gauze, turned pale and bloodless. I didn’t want to guess what Sung Se-han was feeling at that moment. If I thought about that, I would want to take back everything I had said so far. I wouldn’t be able to control myself.
“Lee Tae-kyung.”
Sung Se-han tilted his head to the side and twisted his lips up. My legs began to tremble as I saw the anger in his eyes, his pupils narrowed.
“If you take back those words right now, I’ll forgive you.”
I hoped that the trembling in Sung Se-han’s voice was due to anger. I hoped that only resentment and anger towards me remained. So that he would hit me hard with that clenched fist. Please.
“I won’t take it back. You know that what I said is true, Se-han.”
Sung Se-han’s lips loosened at my unwavering answer. And he gave a look of hollow smile that I had seen sometime before.
Perhaps, Sung Se-han had given that kind of smile when he met Mom.
“I must have been mistaken.”
Sung Se-han swept his hair back, revealing both eyes completely. Thanks to that, I was able to imprint those beautiful eyes in my mind for the last time.
“You couldn’t have been the person I was waiting for.”
I didn’t even have time to feel sorry that I couldn’t be the person Sung Se-han was waiting for. Without giving me a chance to make eye contact again, Sung Se-han turned away from me.
And without noticing me reaching out my hand absentmindedly, he strode away. Because Sung Se-han never looks back.
The moment his broad back was hidden by the wall of the hallway, I couldn’t help but run.
I wanted to see Sung Se-han’s face just one more time. Just one last time.
But before I reached the front door, I heard the sound of the door slamming shut first. My legs trembled as if they had given out, but I kept walking to the end.
The front door, where Sung Se-han had already disappeared, was dark with only a dim silence remaining.
“……”
I wanted to open the door, run out, and grab Sung Se-han. Unable to bear my still greedy self, I ran to the bathroom. And I stood in front of the shower and turned on the cold water.
The pouring water wasn’t very cold, so it seemed like it would take some time before I could come to my senses and pull myself together.
The world hadn’t changed.
The sun rose in the morning and set in the evening. Summer was as suffocatingly hot and humid as ever. I gave up my long-awaited vacation and went to the practice room, sweating with the members until we were exhausted, and actively offered opinions at the concept meeting.
Everything was going smoothly and peacefully, and the filming of the idol survival show ‘Star Light’ was about to resume soon. I couldn’t help but be a little surprised when an article came out saying that Perfect Puzzle’s Sung Se-han would be dropping out of the survival show due to an injury.
I had been worried that Sung Se-han would push himself too hard to continue filming, so I was naturally happy to see the article saying he would be taking a break. Besides, it was clear that it would be beneficial for us not to be seen by each other.
But even so, it felt like energy was constantly draining from my body.
The athletic competition to determine the survival units was held, but I couldn’t focus on the recording and kept getting distracted.
“Tae-kyung Hyung, is your hand okay?”
I was glad that I didn’t give up on the rope climbing until the end, but it seemed like I had strained my wrist a bit. Jeong-min asked with a worried look as I kept rubbing my sore wrist.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
I smiled brightly to reassure the members, but somehow I kept getting annoyed. I couldn’t understand why we had to do a physical test on an idol survival show, and I resented PD Bae Dong-yeon for forcing me to do rope climbing, which I hadn’t even applied for.
As I frowned and turned my gaze, I accidentally made eye contact with PD Bae Dong-yeon.