By Zephyria Because I couldn’t judge at all whether Sung Se-han wanted to be alone right now, so I should turn around, or whether it was okay for me to be by his side.
“I was originally.”
When the low voice cut through the silence and reached me, I forgot how to breathe.
“I was planning to approach you slowly and as politely as possible, matching your pace. So you wouldn’t be surprised.”
“Uh… what…?”
I barely straightened my posture and looked up at Sung Se-han directly. Sung Se-han quietly stared at me, still with his chin resting at an angle.
“But, do you know why I’m suddenly coming on to you?”
My heart suddenly started beating fast. It wasn’t because of excitement or anticipation.
I was afraid. I wanted to hear what Sung Se-han was going to say, but it felt like I absolutely shouldn’t hear it.
“Why did I suddenly appear in front of you after just watching you all this time?”
“Uh, I wonder…?”
I lowered my gaze to the floor for a moment and then raised my head again. My mind was warning me to find composure, but it was difficult not to lose myself in front of Sung Se-han’s cold eyes.
“How would I… know what you’re thinking.”
There was no one in the emergency staircase, but I answered in a small voice. My throat was so dry that I couldn’t make a loud noise. Since those shiny, transparent eyes were trapping me, I couldn’t go anywhere and was just wandering around Sung Se-han. Even until now, like this.
“I remembered your face.”
It was a quiet voice that was barely audible, but it felt like it was piercing my head sharply. I felt strangely dizzy and blinked several times before finally opening my eyes properly.
“What… what, you remembered….”
My voice wasn’t coming out properly, and now I was even starting to stutter. Sung Se-han smiled slightly as he looked at me like that.
“I know a lot about you.”
Even while seeing the cool smile on his lips, my chest felt so tight that I couldn’t breathe.
I wish he wouldn’t smile. If he was going to smile with such cold eyes, I’d rather he didn’t show me anything at all.
“I probably know things you can’t even imagine.”
I faced Sung Se-han, who was looking down at me with his chin resting at an angle. We were separated by the long stairs.
“Are you proud of stalking me?”
I consciously spoke in a cold voice and glared. But my head didn’t cool down. I just wanted to demand that he explain everything in detail, what he meant by ‘can’t even imagine.’
“There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
Sung Se-han straightened one knee of the leg he had been bending and placed his hand on his thigh. I was distracted by the long legs that were casually draped over the stairs before raising my eyes again.
Sung Se-han, who had lowered the hand that had been resting on his chin, leaned his upper body forward slightly.
“But you seem to have known me for a while too? Right?”
I swept my hair back and opened my mouth as if nothing was wrong. After all, the answers I could give were limited.
“How could I not know Perfect Puzzle’s Sung Se-han?”
“That again.”
Sung Se-han chuckled and slowly got up from his seat. I couldn’t properly look at Sung Se-han, who was coming down the stairs one step at a time.
Thud, thud. With each sound of his sneakers, I unconsciously stepped back, wanting to avoid the increasingly closer gaze.
After stepping back a few steps, the emergency staircase door touched my back. Sung Se-han, who had slowly come down the stairs, put one hand in his training pants and stared at me.
“I thought your face was going to bore a hole in me while I was signing autographs. What was Lee Tae-kyung so worried about that he was looking at me like that? What do you know?”
I had resolved to escape from the maze, but it felt like I was being sucked in deeper and deeper. This time too, I had no choice but to spit out the predetermined answer like a vending machine.
“I was looking at you because you’re handsome. As you know, you’re too much my type.”
“I can see everything. Everything that comes out of your mouth is a lie.”
Sung Se-han, standing crookedly, tilted his head to the side. Hanging a meaningless smile on his cold lips.
“That you didn’t know me, that you’d never heard of me. All lies.”
I couldn’t get angry at Sung Se-han for sending me scorn. It was just my situation that I couldn’t say what lies I was telling and why I had to lie.
“It’s not a lie.”
I was just frustrated with myself for not being able to give any other answer and just telling lies while not being able to leave Sung Se-han. I was so angry that I couldn’t stand it.
“Then let’s go with that.”
Sung Se-han’s cold eyes made me, who was standing pathetically with my fists clenched tightly, feel even smaller.
“Let’s say it’s all a coincidence that you follow me whenever I’m in pain.”
When the dry words ended, I felt the illusion that the floor was shaking. I blinked anxiously, but my vision became increasingly blurry.
“You were in pain?”
A harsh, cracked voice came out, but that didn’t matter at all.
Sung Se-han, said he was in pain.
“Sung Se-han.”
I tried to take a step towards Sung Se-han, but the floor I was standing on continued to shake. I don’t know why it was dark even though I had my eyes open.
Until now, Sung Se-han had never shown me a weak side even once.
Not even when he suddenly quit the piano he loved.
Not even when he met his Mom and was in despair.
Not even when he broke the promise to achieve our dreams together and had to leave me.
Not even when he was comforting me, who was unilaterally angry.
And not even when he was looking at his room where he had been locked up.
He had never once shown wavering eyes.
Even when he was thinking of his Grandmother, who was his everything.
And even in front of his Grandfather’s authority, who had been able to lock him up for seven years, Sung Se-han’s wounds weren’t revealed even by a speck.
But now, in front of me, Sung Se-han said he was in pain.
“Sung Se-han.”
I moved my shaking legs whether the ground was collapsing or not. I wanted to go to Sung Se-han. Sung Se-han was watching me steadily as I approached, staggering like a child who had just started walking.
“Sung Se-han, you bad guy.”
You don’t know how much I wandered because I didn’t want to be disappointed in you for leaving me.
You’ll never know how painful it was during that time when I hated you and resented you for your betrayal.
If I could have understood you even a little, I wouldn’t have been so hurt. I definitely wouldn’t have pushed you away like that.
But now… now you’re saying you’re in pain….
“Why are you saying that to me? What do you want me to do?”
I approached Sung Se-han closely and looked up at him with my fists clenched.
“I’m just a pathetic… a guy with no ability, so what am I supposed to do…?”
Even if I have no power, I can hug Sung Se-han. I can pat him on the back and comfort him.
You were in pain seeing the weak children who had no fault or sin, right?
You felt powerless and frustrated because there was no one you could hate.
You carried the pain entirely alone. Unable to look at the people who had lived in the bright light with indifferent eyes, you would rather have smiled coldly.
I wanted to hug his broad back tightly and melt his heart, but I couldn’t take another step forward.
Because I didn’t know if I could reach out to him now, if it was okay, after I had put my whole heart on the line, betting on Sung Se-han’s safety. I didn’t know how much I was allowed to do.
“This is your weakness.”
I flinched and trembled when I heard Sung Se-han’s low voice. A dark shadow appeared in my wide eyes. It was because Sung Se-han was tilting his face and looking at me.
“You show your true feelings when you think I’m in pain.”
“What…?”
The reason I couldn’t say anything even after opening my mouth wasn’t because of Sung Se-han’s words. It was because I could finally see Sung Se-han’s eyes properly after looking up at him so closely.
I’m in pain and hurting right now. So please, stay by my side.
I couldn’t think of anything else in front of the transparent brown eyes that were pouring out emotions without leaving anything behind.
I didn’t want to blame Sung Se-han anymore.
Why didn’t you show me sooner? Why did you only hide your deeply scarred wounds in layers?
If I had known sooner, I wouldn’t have hated you so much. I could have pushed your back as you left me. If that had happened, we wouldn’t have grown apart even if we had broken up, and maybe you wouldn’t have had an accident either. You idiot.
“Sung Se-han.”
I reached out my hand to Sung Se-han, who was only looking at me without resting even for a moment.
I finally grabbed the beautiful and delicate hand that I had wanted to touch so much without hesitation. At that moment, a heart-wrenching pain came as I felt the movement of his fingers flinching.
“I’ll be by your side.”
If I couldn’t say these words now, it felt like my existence would no longer hold any meaning. If I couldn’t hold this hand that was shaking as if it had lost itself, I wouldn’t even be able to find a reason to wander alone through time.
“Sung Se-han. I’ll be next to you as much as you want.”