By Zephyria Ki Jae-eon stayed up all night that night.
Because Ahn Seo-myeong’s voice kept repeating in his mind even when he tried to sleep.
-’We will definitely be together.’
If that promise really comes true.
‘I will definitely consider this life a blessing.’
A happy ending rewritten, he thought.
*
Morning came.
“Is it okay if I come in?”
From early in the morning, his mother, Ryu Seong-hee, came to visit.
She opened the door and came in, wearing her hair loosely tied back and loose clothes. Her slender neckline was revealed because of the wide shirt. It was quite different from her usual preference for hanboks or Western clothes. It seemed like she made the choice considering her mobility.
“Did you… not sleep well?”
Is it because she’s a mother? Ryu Seong-hee immediately recognized her son’s condition. Her pale complexion showed that she was worried.
But she was not in a position to talk about others. A long shadow was cast on her elegant face, and her tied-back hair had lost its luster and become dry. She looked like someone who had stayed up all night.
In short, she was haggard.
Well, how could a parent feel comfortable when both of their children, who should be fine, are lying sick?
“A li, little…….”
“Let me add more.”
She put down the washbasin she was holding and said. Her white and beautiful hands wrung out the wet towel tightly. Her gestures seemed very familiar. It seemed that a series of actions had become a habit, ingrained in her body, from nursing Ki Jae-ha recently.
“Is your throat dry?”
She checked his condition and started tapping her son’s chapped lips. It was a careful touch, as if she was treating a newborn baby. Soon, his dry and chapped lips absorbed moisture and became moist.
“Ah…….”
Ki Jae-eon seemed to flinch. Judging from his expression, he seemed embarrassed. I understand. It’s awkward because this is the first time this has happened. She didn’t stop moving even while having self-deprecating thoughts.
It was right then.
“…I’m sor, sorry.”
A hesitant apology was heard.
Ryu Seong-hee’s hand stopped at that moment. Her face, looking at Ki Jae-eon, hardened. Sorry? she muttered lowly.
“You can, you can go to hyung… it’s okay.”
He was speaking indirectly, but the meaning was that there was no need to take care of him.
Ryu Seong-hee barely suppressed her rising emotions at that calm voice and bit her lip tightly. Where was she supposed to go when the skin she touched was so hot, this child.
“Don’t worry about Jae-ha…….”
Take care of yourself first, please. Ryu Seong-hee couldn’t bring herself to finish her sentence. Because she didn’t think she deserved it. Instead, she dipped the lukewarm washcloth in cold water again to lower the temperature.
“Lie down. …You have a slight fever.”
Was it because he was uncomfortable with the situation, or was it because he was deeply filial? Ki Jae-eon obediently laid down without resisting.
“Is it too cold?”
“N… no.”
“Okay, tell me if you’re uncomfortable.”
With the short conversation over, the room became very quiet. Only the sound of wiping his body echoed. Ryu Seong-hee quietly looked down at her son’s wrist. White and thin.
‘Nothing but bones.’
Even when he was healthy, he was slender, but never to this extent.
‘What is this…….’
It was a moment when Ryu Seong-hee’s heart crumbled once again.
She carefully swept back her sweat-soaked curly hair and wiped his smooth forehead with a towel. Ki Jae-eon, who seemed uncomfortable with the unfamiliar touch, was now quietly accepting her care. Was it reassuring because she was still his flawed mother? Her heart ached at the sight of her beloved child.
In fact, just a few days ago, she thought she had raised her child wrong.
She still couldn’t forget Ki Jae-eon’s attitude towards Ki Jae-ha.
‘South mountain…….’
That day, she felt fear towards her child for the first time. She was scared of the child she had given birth to. Then, an overwhelming sense of self-loathing washed over her.
Of course, she had seen her child as a monster.
Ryu Seong-hee felt a sense of helplessness, like looking at a tangled ball of yarn.
Where did it all go wrong?
‘Was it from the moment I led you down the path of an Exorcist?’
What went awry?
‘Was it from the moment I chose to live as a Teacher, not a parent, to nurture your Genius?’
Ah, I don’t know.
Even after a long period of self-questioning, no clear answer emerged. It just felt like everything was wrong.
Mother, Ryu Seong-hee felt like the world was telling her that she was the perfect wrong answer.
Amidst all of that, there was only one thing.
There was only one thing she knew for sure.
It was herself who had ruined that poor child.
‘It’s all my fault…….’
But even so, she couldn’t hold onto the child who was staggering away.
Ah, why did I do that?
‘I should have held him. …I should have.’
Even though I said I would protect him.
Ryu Seong-hee’s head fell weakly. At the same time, the towel fell from her hand.
It was also the last thread of reason she was holding onto.
“Hngh…….”
She tried to hold it in, but her poker face was shattered miserably as if she couldn’t bear it any longer.
“……I’m sorry. Hngh, Mom, Mom….”
Her round shoulders began to tremble, and her beautiful hands covered her small face.
“I couldn’t… protect you.”
A murmur close to self-reproach.
Soon, the suppressed sobs burst out.
Once an emotion collapsed, it was not easy to turn back.
“He’s my child, my baby……!”
Ryu Seong-hee trembled.
The sobs she choked out flowed through the gaps in her hands.
Drip, drip-.
The ceaseless tears soaked the floor. Like rain falling during a long monsoon, her tears showed no sign of stopping.
It was Ki Jae-eon who was surprised by the sudden situation. He hurriedly got up and embraced his mother. His hesitant large hands gently supported her small shoulders. Uh, Mother. A low voice that didn’t know what to do. However, the sound of her crying grew even louder at her son’s comforting gesture.
It was then.
“I didn’t know… hngh, I’m his mother. I didn’t know anything…….”
Strange words flowed out.
She’s his mother, but she didn’t know?
Ki Jae-eon’s expression gradually hardened as he blinked, pondering her words.
Ah, no way. Please…….
As if mocking his wish that it wasn’t true, Ryu Seong-hee poured out sorrowful words.
“It must have hurt… it must have been scary…….”
I should have been there for him! Ryu Seong-hee trembled slightly and struck her chest repeatedly. Ki Jae-eon’s expression darkened at her resentful actions. It was a look that wished his parents, at least, wouldn’t know.
Yes, that’s right.
As he had guessed, she too had inherited Ki Jae-eon’s memories. Ryu Seong-hee had to endure the pain of having her heart torn to shreds as she forcibly witnessed her son’s miserable life.
It was truly a punishment.
“Jae-eon…. Jae-eon.”
Sudden fits.
Habitual nausea.
All the sensitive reactions.
There was a good reason for it all.
‘So that’s why, that’s how you were…….’
Only belatedly did she understand.
She had only learned of her child’s suffering far too late. Ryu Seong-hee writhed in renewed resentment. Why! Why! Didn’t I know anything. Why! She struck herself here and there as if punishing herself. Ki Jae-eon was startled by the fierce punches and grabbed her wrist.
“M, Mother……!”
He tried to stop her, but it was no use.
Of course.
Because she was wronged.
Save the world? Bullshit.
Her son was a victim.
“Don’t be ridiculous!”
Unresolved resentment swallowed her. Ryu Seong-hee writhed with a rotting heart. It was the gesture of a parent who had lost their composure, no, a parent who had lost their child.
How could you do that to this young child. How could you be so cruel! Her neat face was soaked with tears and distorted in a mess. Even so, as if it wasn’t enough, she screamed.
“What did my son do so wrong!”
It was the moment when the pent-up anger exploded.
“Hngh, ah……. Ah!”
The son in the memories that entered her mind was not a person.
He was a scapegoat disguised as a savior.
But that kind child always walked his path silently, as always.
Walking, walking, and walking again, and if he fell, he would crawl……. In that way, he eventually fulfilled everyone’s wishes.
Admirable? No, not at all.
I saw the worst end, what crazy parent would think that was admirable.
“……Hngh, hngh.”
That terrible creaking sound.
That’s when I realized.
Ah, I really messed up.
I shouldn’t have let him embark on this path from the beginning.
Deep regret washed over her.
What good is a hero? My son is dead. Moreover, the end was lonely and miserable. But the beings she hated and resented the most… were not those who sought salvation. They were weaklings who, though hateful, could only be understood. The instinct for survival was natural.
There was someone else she couldn’t forgive.
Someone very close.
“Mom, Mom is the sinner. Mom was wrong.”
The parent who believed in the child’s talent and only taught him how to win.
“I killed him… I, I pushed him too hard!”
She didn’t teach him that it was okay to give up.
To move forward correctly, she should have taught him how to stop. She only taught him to go straight.
So, she made him fight to the death.
“Because I raised him that way… I….”
She lived without saying a single word that it was okay to run away if it was hard, and in the end, she lost her child.
“Jae-eon…….”
Ryu Seong-hee trembled and shed tears like a child. She couldn’t control her frustration. She was wronged and wronged again.
How much must this young child’s heart have burned.
Embracing that suffering alone, you…….
“I’m sorry. It’s all Mom’s fault…….”
Ryu Seong-hee begged the child and then took both of his hands. The trembling vibration was transferred as it was, showing how frightened he was. Don’t die, don’t die. You can’t die. She was more saddened and grieved by her child’s end than by her own death. He was so pitiful that it was hard to even breathe.
“Huh? Please…….”
Please live. Ryu Seong-hee cupped her son’s cheeks and continued to say as if casting a spell. Run away, throw everything away, please live.
“Shake it off, shake it off…….”
Run without looking back.
She whispered and whispered for a long time, as if she was now saying the words she couldn’t convey to her son back then.
Throw everything away and run away, Jae-eon.