By Zephyria Ki Jae-eon slowly stroked his chest. He felt like he had swallowed a hot stone, and his insides were burning. However, his head remained cold. It was the first time he had felt this way. So, he didn’t know what to do. Should he ask why he did it? But what would be the point? He had no right to interfere in other people’s feelings. That was solely that person’s authority. Whether to hate or love someone, it was all up to that person to decide.
‘…But.’
Nevertheless, the reason why his insides were boiling so much was.
It must be about [why did you put even the people who supported and believed in you in danger].
Ki Jae-eon’s Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. He felt like he was going to say something he didn’t want to.
Did Kim Ju-won even guess?
That many people were grieving over his absence.
Master Young came to the dormitory every day without fail to check if Kim Ju-won had returned, and Aunt made only Kim Ju-won’s favorite food for every meal and waited for him.
What about the kids? Ahn Seo-myeong alone never let go of his phone all day long. Everyone was worried about Kim Ju-won with one heart and one mind. Worry is not something that can be obtained for granted. It has to be based on affection. As much as that, the heart is something precious that cannot be obtained even with billions of dollars. At least that’s what Ki Jae-eon thought.
So Kim Ju-won shouldn’t have taken their hearts lightly.
‘But…’
Regardless of his intentions, everyone was almost in great danger because of Kim Ju-won. Ki Jae-eon’s lowered gaze was fixed on somewhere on the ground.
‘It’s okay if you hate me. But…’
His gloomy face was motionless as if lost in thought. Then, slowly and quietly, he moved again.
Slowly— his gaze finally arrived at Kim Ju-won.
“It’s okay to… ha, hate me.”
His pupils, as black as ink, stared at him without wavering. The gaze he met was sharper and heavier than expected. Kim Ju-won flinched, shrinking his fingertips and taking a breath. It was strange. The usually dull face, which had never had a shred of spirit, now had a strange spirit.
And soon he realized.
Ki Jae-eon was angry.
“…But.”
A cold voice flowed from Ki Jae-eon’s chapped lips.
“You shouldn’t let innocent people su, suffer.”
At least if you want to bear the name of Exorcist, you shouldn’t do that.
Especially ‘family.’
“You… don’t have the qualification, to be one.”
Revocation of Exorcist qualification.
“What?”
Kim Ju-won’s eyes widened in shock. He even dropped the Rosary he was holding in his hand. The Rosary that fell on the floor made a dull sound and bounced once, then fell to the ground.
He was denied by Ki Jae-eon, not anyone else.
The words ‘you are not qualified’ that came out of his mouth were no different from hearing ‘you are incompetent’ from the person he had been chasing with all his might. Kim Ju-won stared at Ki Jae-eon with a half-soulless expression. You’re not qualified? His widely opened mouth was trembling.
“I, I…”
Gasp.
“I, why…”
I, why, what. A sigh-mixed murmur was interrupted in the middle and continued for a long time. It was as if he was chanting a spell.
Just as Kim Ju-won’s head was falling down,
“Don’t talk nonsense!”
A loud shout burst out. His panting breath was extremely rough.
Hey. Kim Ju-won, who raised his head, grabbed Ki Jae-eon’s collar with an angry expression. It was as if he was saying, what right do you have to judge me.
“Take back those words.”
Ki Jae-eon’s head slammed hard against the wall as he naturally took a step back under Kim Ju-won’s pressure. Unlike before, there was no hand to cover him, thump! It made a painful sound. But neither of them backed down. Take it back. The hand grabbing his collar was trembling with anger. Take it back, you fucking bastard! A voice closer to a shout than a word. Kim Ju-won’s eyes, who had lost his reason, widened as if they would pop out. But Ki Jae-eon was calm. No, he was angry in his own way. The gloomy eyes that could be seen through the tangled black hair shone coldly as if he had no intention of retracting the words that you were not qualified. That made Kim Ju-won even more agitated. He scrunched up his nose and shouted “Ki Jae-eon!” with an angry face.
“What right do you have to say that, you bastard who has enjoyed all kinds of privileges? If you were born with everything like you, then! Are you allowed to judge someone who is working hard in front of you like that?”
The hand grabbing his collar convulsed greatly, unable to contain his anger. Kwaak— a force that suffocated him. But Ki Jae-eon didn’t try to take Kim Ju-won’s hand off, even while groaning in pain. Even though he could have shaken it off, he just let his body be shaken as he shook it.
“Do you know what it’s like to be chased every hour, minute, and second?”
Kim Ju-won slammed the wall next to Ki Jae-eon’s face. The rough voice was trembling, unlike its momentum.
“What right do you have to discuss my qualifications!”
Huck, huh… The hand that was grabbing his collar fell weakly. Whether he had nothing more to say, or whether he had resigned himself. The face of the child, who always stood upright and chose to break rather than bend, was now stained with despair and distorted painfully. Inferiority. Jealousy. Inferiority complex. Self-loathing. His heart, full of deficiencies that could not be filled no matter what, collapsed endlessly as if it had been hard all along. …Do you know. A voice that was faintly wet in the end.
“……”
Ki Jae-eon quietly turned his head and stared blankly at Kim Ju-won’s hand stuck in the wall. The punch with emotion was very strong. His knuckles were all peeled off from how hard he had hit it.
It would be a lie to say that he didn’t feel sorry for him, but that didn’t mean he could comfort him right now. People could only move forward if they acknowledged their own ugly parts.
Above all.
‘…The feeling of being chased every hour, minute, and second.’
Ki Jae-eon bit his lower lip.
How could he not know? He was anxious every day in case it might come someday. He even felt like a lonely, empty laugh would burst out.
‘But to you, I was… another disaster.’
He felt an indescribable and difficult emotion. He didn’t even know what to say. He had just worked silently as an Exorcist and had never intentionally tried to drive anyone into a corner.
Moreover, he had never been swayed by an inferiority complex in his life, so it was natural that it was difficult to understand. However, he could sympathize with the fear of ‘being chased.’ So, there was only one thing he could say.
Ki Jae-eon looked up at the dark sky and continued.
“I can’t… die yet.”
Even if that’s what you want, I can’t. There’s something I haven’t done yet.
“So, just… bear with it.”
Wait a little longer. The voice he uttered was calm.
Then.
“What?”
A shrill voice flowed from Kim Ju-won. His face was somewhere out of it. Even the boiling anger had evaporated, and he was looking at Ki Jae-eon, moving his lips. What are you waiting for? Kim Ju-won asked himself. It was as if he couldn’t believe what he had just heard.
“You just, what… what?”
Kim Ju-won seemed to be shocked in a different sense.
“…Hey.”
Are you out of your mind? Are you crazy? He didn’t ask, but that was exactly the look in his eyes.
It was understandable. It was beyond inappropriate to give the answer ‘I can’t die yet, so please wait a little longer’ to the person who had done something bad to you, let alone get angry at them in the same way.
No, it was beyond inappropriate and at the level of having a mental problem.
“…………I!”
After a long silence, Kim Ju-won tilted his head back and puffed up his chest. He took a series of frustrated breaths, then put his hand on his forehead and said. It’s a misunderstanding. That was the beginning of the first word.
“It’s not like that. I never asked for you to, disappear…”
The mumbling voice even sounded hollow, as if all his energy had been drained. Judging from the atmosphere, it seemed that Kim Ju-won was laughing at himself for being angry at Ki Jae-eon’s absurd reaction… In common parlance, would they say he had a reality check? Kim Ju-won swept back his hair with a clumsy gesture, having lost his will to fight.
He even made a painful expression as if he had a late sense of guilt after his anger subsided.
“…I never wished for that kind of wish…”