By Zephyria 
I took the apple Aska offered and asked,
“You’re saying to cut off a bit of my leg?”
“You’re going to wear flowing clothes and a veil anyway, right? You’ll be covered from head to toe, so if height is the problem, you can just cut off some of your leg and no one will know.”
“……”
“……”
It sounded plausible, but the content was utterly horrific. I was speechless, not knowing where to even begin pointing out the problems.
While I was moving my lips, dumbfounded, Mahir said,
“Are you saying that because you heal quickly, you can just cut off your leg to look smaller?”
“……”
Mahir spoke in the same tone he had when he first met Aska. After meeting a few more times, we had an unspoken agreement not to stand on ceremony when it was just us.
I knew that Mahir’s tone changed like that when he was really angry with me, so I felt like I was being scolded too. Aska must have sensed something was off, because he straightened his back and sat up straight.
I also put down the fork I was holding and placed my hands on my knees.
Then, Mahir, who was about to say something, suddenly closed his mouth and stared at me.
“……”
“……”
We just stared at each other in silence. Mahir usually gave me time to think about what I had done wrong when he scolded me. At first, I thought he was looking at me for that reason, but when I thought about it, I hadn’t done anything wrong.
Why is he looking at me?
I became increasingly uncomfortable, so I desperately tried to figure out what Mahir was thinking. Then, a thought suddenly occurred to me, and I cautiously opened my mouth.
“You can’t cut off your own leg.”
Even as I spoke, I kept glancing at Mahir. Seeing him stay still, it seemed like he thought it would be better if I scolded Aska rather than him.
No, just say it… Still, I agreed with him. When you think about it, Aska is my person… No, not even a person, and I just thought of him as a pet, but anyway, he’s my property, so it was right for me to discipline him.
After sorting out my thoughts to that point, I was about to say something when I noticed that Aska’s expression wasn’t good. He was being scolded, so that might be why, but it didn’t seem like it.
I asked with a puzzled expression.
“Why do you look like that?”
“What about my expression?”
I was about to say, ‘Why are you upset when you’re the one who did wrong?’ but I closed my mouth. His sulky face was somehow familiar.
“……”
Don’t tell me he thinks Mahir and I were exchanging glances and having some kind of secret conversation again? I was dumbfounded.
“Haha.”
When I continued to say nothing, Mahir, who had been quietly watching us, suddenly burst into laughter. It didn’t exactly sound like he was mocking us, but I still didn’t feel good, so my face frowned.
“Why are you laughing?”
“It reminded me of when you were a kid. I told you to have a kid exactly like you and raise him.”
That was a nonsensical thing to say. But I felt even worse because I understood the unkind words without explanation.
“Your Highness, I’m not a child.”
Aska seemed to feel the same way. Then he frowned and asked.
“What does it mean to have a kid like you and raise him? Did Kyle ever say he would cut off his leg?”
I flinched at those words. It wasn’t because of the story about cutting off my leg or anything. Aska freely called me by my name when he talked to other people, and I felt strange every time he did that.
It felt ticklish, but also unpleasant, and my heart rate increased slightly, but I couldn’t tell if it was because I liked it or disliked it.
I raised my hand and pressed down on my chest and said.
“Did you give birth to me, Brother? Anyone would think I’m your son.”
I grumbled, but as I spoke, I automatically imagined it. If I were Mahir’s son, wouldn’t I be a better person than I am now? Somehow, that didn’t seem so bad.
“I practically raised you.”
“You seem to be very proud of that.”
What was so great about taking care of a younger brother who couldn’t even take care of himself? The tips of my fingers felt tingly and ticklish, a strange feeling.
These days, I couldn’t properly understand my condition. My mood was in a state that couldn’t be defined in a single word, and I suddenly felt uneasy. Could I have some kind of disease? If so, Aska would know…
While I was thinking to myself, Mahir called Aska.
“Aska. No matter how quickly you heal, it hurts to get hurt, so don’t do that.”
“I can endure pain well. And I heal quickly, but isn’t it better to endure a little than to cause problems? If they find fault with me…”
Aska seemed to have made this decision because he knew Khalifa’s terrible temper. I would have thought about it at least once, but I still couldn’t allow it.
“Whatever the reason, you can’t. There are many people around you who like you, so you should cherish yourself. How sad do you think Kyle would be if you got hurt?”
At those words, Aska stared at me with wide eyes. I was just dumbfounded. Why is he so surprised? Did he think I wouldn’t care if he got hurt?
“If you don’t cherish yourself, other people will treat you carelessly. The people who like you will be heartbroken to see you like that.”
“It’s not like I’m treating myself carelessly, it’s just that it’s a better choice…”
Aska, who had lost some of his momentum, mumbled softly, and Mahir said firmly.
“A better choice isn’t necessarily a good choice. It’s good to consider efficiency, but what’s more important is your heart. If you cut off your leg and I and Kyle praised you for having such a brilliant idea, would you feel good? After all, that would likely prevent any troublesome situations from arising.”
“……”
“……”
Listening to his low, calm voice, even I felt intimidated. How would Aska, the person involved, feel? I secretly took Aska’s hand under the table, so Mahir wouldn’t notice.
“Even if it made you feel better, you shouldn’t do that. Aska, in order for a person to live like a person, you have to know how to keep the line. That doesn’t matter whether you’re a person or not. Everyone has moments in their lives when they have to compromise, and the way you choose at those times changes the way you live.”
Aska squeezed the hand he was holding tightly and listened attentively to Mahir’s words.
In order for a person to live like a person, they have to keep the line. I had heard that often since I was a child, so instead of listening to Mahir’s words, I watched Aska’s expression.
“If you look at this broadly, it’s one of the crossroads of life. If you cut off your leg to avoid danger in order to simply make the situation not bad, then it means it will be easier next time. And have you ever thought about how easy it would be to do it to other people if you can cut off a part of your own body so easily?”
“……”
“You shouldn’t get so used to violence. If you compromise by saying, ‘Just this once,’ ‘Just one time,’ ‘Only today,’ ‘It’s an unavoidable situation,’ ‘I won’t do it next time,’ you’ll eventually become indifferent. To the point where you won’t even be able to recognize that it’s strange when that situation comes again.”
Fortunately, Aska seemed to understand what Mahir was saying and had a thoughtful expression on his face.
“This is different from the power to protect yourself from danger. Do you know what I mean?”
“Yes.”
“I’ve been nagging for too long, but if I could say just one more thing, the fact that you even thought of that is shocking.”
I nodded at Mahir’s words. Putting aside all the reasons, the very idea of cutting off his leg was shocking.
“If other people knew you said this, they would all be sad. Me and Kyle, of course. Parha too.”
I couldn’t help but object to that.
“I and Brother are one thing, but why Parha?”
“Why? You’ve known each other for almost three years, so of course he’d be shocked. Please, Kyle.”
Mahir sighed with a troubled expression, but I still didn’t understand.
It’s been three years in name only, and there hasn’t been much contact other than briefly teaching him swordsmanship, so why would he be so shocked? I felt somehow bitter and frowned, and Aska said.
“I think I was short-sighted. I won’t think like that in the future.”
Mahir had a satisfied expression as he watched Aska speak docilely with a reflective attitude, but I still felt bad.
Of course, it was a good thing that Aska realized he should cherish himself, but I felt slightly unpleasant about the fact that he was just obediently following Mahir’s words.
So, it was a good but bad feeling.
“……”
Why is my heart like this? I couldn’t figure it out.