By Zephyria 
“Actually, I lied.”
Kyle retracted his statement, perhaps noticing my subtly distorted expression. However, there was no sign of remorse. Instead, he narrowed his eyes and chided me.
“But you lied first.”
“What did I do?”
I frowned involuntarily at the sudden, irrelevant accusation.
“You lied too.”
“When did I?”
Could he be referring to my earlier desire to own the skewer shop? Of course, what I wanted more was a family, but wanting to be the owner of the skewer shop was also true. It was just a matter of priorities.
“So, what did you really want?”
At my question, a soft groan suddenly escaped Kyle’s lips. It wasn’t particularly lewd; it was more like a sigh that came out involuntarily as his muscles relaxed from the warmth.
Even though I knew everything, my legs suddenly throbbed. Although there was no one around, we were outdoors and hadn’t been here long, so I desperately tried to cool down the heat.
Oblivious to my struggle, Kyle continued to fidget and rub his body against mine.
Perhaps uncomfortable with the position, Kyle leaned back against my chest. I wrapped my arms around his waist, helping him to get as comfortable as possible.
Now that his body temperature had risen considerably, he seemed less cold than before. He didn’t shiver at all, even with his wet shoulders exposed. When I came to my senses, I realized I was pressing my lips against Kyle’s neck and shoulders.
“What I’ve wanted since I was a kid…”
I snapped back to reality at those words. As I subtly raised my head, Kyle ran his hand down the side of my thigh and said,
“It was something I could never have.”
His face was hidden from view due to the position.
“What is it?”
“Mom, Dad. Family, stuff like that.”
“……”
I paused at the unfiltered sincerity. I had expected it to some extent, but I didn’t think he would be so honest. I knew that Kyle was very afraid of revealing his inner thoughts.
I moved my lips and mumbled.
“Actually, I wanted a family too.”
“I kind of figured.”
Kyle didn’t seem surprised, as if he had guessed it. His words made my eyes sting. If only we had met just a little earlier…
Suddenly overwhelmed with longing, I gently grabbed Kyle’s chin and turned his face to the side. Looking into his clear blue eyes, I imagined an impossible scenario.
If we had met just a little earlier, I would have taken his bloodied hand and run far, far away. Even if we were looked down upon and beaten while selling charcoal, it would have been much better than being alone.
“So, is that why you were in such a bad mood earlier?”
Lost in my imagination of selling charcoal to support a younger Kyle, I tilted my head.
“Earlier? When? What are you talking about all of a sudden?”
“When we were all sitting at the table together.”
“Sakira and Abyss? Why? Was I in a bad mood then?”
No matter how much I listened, I couldn’t understand what Kyle was saying. Seeing my bewildered expression, Kyle’s eyes narrowed, as if he was trying to gauge whether I was lying or not.
“Weren’t you looking at Laila and thinking you wanted to create a family too?”
It was completely out of the blue. Kyle’s expression turned awkward as he watched my bewildered reaction.
“Wasn’t it?”
“What on earth are you talking about?”
“Then why did you have that look on your face earlier? You looked so wistful and sad, watching Sakira, Abyss, and Laila.”
“……”
I finally realized why Kyle had been touching me and teasing me all along. Kyle has a bit of a perverted side, but… no, he’s incredibly perverted, but he still considers the time and place.
He rarely openly touched and flirted with me in front of everyone like he did earlier. Kyle had been trying his best to cheer me up in his own way.
So, Kyle had mistaken my sad gaze at the three of them as a desire to create a family? It was truly absurd.
“Create a family out of the blue? What are you talking about?”
“Right? I thought it was strange too. But you kept looking at Laila with that weird expression, so I thought maybe you wanted a child. You’ve wanted a family since you were little, after all.”
His soft voice filled the night sky and echoed quietly. His wet face was clearly visible through the steam. Kyle reached out and brushed my hair back, saying,
“You regained hope in the princess’s words because you wanted a family. Even after being treated so badly.”
“……”
Just as I had seen Kyle’s past, Kyle had seen all the past I didn’t want to reveal. The pathetic and vulnerable side that I never wanted to show.
“If we finish this job well, we can live together as a family. Do you understand? Whether we live together or not depends entirely on you.”
“……”
“I’ll even let you meet your grandmother again.”
“……”
Kyle said everything, word for word, even things I couldn’t remember clearly. Kyle, who had been muttering with a look of fiery anger, closed and opened his eyes. All that remained in his blue eyes as he looked at me was pity.
Strangely, the more I saw Kyle looking sad and pitiful, the more the corners of my lips twitched. I was sure that when I was younger, just thinking about the situation would bring tears to my eyes and make it hard to breathe.
“Why are you laughing? Do you find it funny?”
I tried to hold it back, but I guess I failed. I didn’t hold back anymore and just laughed.
“So, you thought that’s why I kept staring?”
“Then why were you staring so intently? You had a weird expression too.”
Judging by his persistent expression, I couldn’t just gloss over it. If I didn’t answer properly, Kyle would probably start thinking strange things on his own again.
“I just…”
What should I say? Unorganized words floated into my head and disappeared without a trace. I pondered for a moment, then tilted my head and mumbled.
“I thought you might be sad later…”
Perhaps my words were too out of the blue, as Kyle also tilted his head in confusion.
“Why would I be sad?”
As time passes, Mahir, Sakira, and Abyss will all die. What will Kyle feel every time he watches his loved ones grow old? And when they all eventually die and no one is left, how great will the sense of loss be that Kyle will feel?
I couldn’t help but worry about the inevitable moment that would come someday.
“Huh?”
As I continued to remain silent, Kyle bumped his head against my chest with the back of his head. I stroked Kyle’s hair, tidied it up, and mumbled.
“Later, when a lot of time has passed and everyone is gone.”
“When everyone is gone? Are you talking about when they’re dead?”
I deliberately didn’t say the word “death,” but Kyle didn’t hesitate. I was worried to death, but I heard a snort.
“Are you scared of that?”
“……”
Could he be misunderstanding that I’m afraid of death itself? That I’m scared? That’s not it. I’m scared that you’ll be too sad.
“Everyone dies.”
Kyle opened his mouth with a pathetic expression, like an old parent wanting to give a lesson to their young child. My expression involuntarily contorted.
“I know.”
“Instead of fearing death, which may not come for a long time, you should live today to the fullest.”
“I know that too. Who doesn’t know that?”
I regretted saying it as soon as the words left my mouth. I make a resolution every day not to act like a child, but this is how it turns out with just a little carelessness, especially in front of Kyle.
I closed my eyes and sighed, feeling lost, when Kyle asked.
“Are you already worried that I’ll be sad after everyone we know dies?”
I opened my eyes at those words. He hadn’t misunderstood; he had understood my words exactly. Just as a corner of my heart was about to weaken, Kyle said something that ruined the mood again.
“But worrying about it in advance doesn’t mean that someone who’s going to die won’t die. The result is the same.”
“……”
He’s right. Of course, he’s all right, but…
“Ha.”
Suddenly feeling suffocated, I sighed, and Kyle chuckled.