By Zephyria 
Copulation is primarily for reproduction and pleasure. In the battlefield, there were cases of engaging in sexual acts to flaunt one’s power.
Perhaps because I had seen such scenes frequently? Even when I was in bed with Aska, whom I truly loved, of my own volition, I sometimes felt ashamed.
Especially when I knelt between his legs and put his manhood in my mouth, that feeling was amplified. Nevertheless, when I felt his pleased expression, moans, or shivers, I was happy and proud as if it had never happened, but it would be a lie to say that I had no aversion at all.
Moreover, penetration was not easy. It would be more accurate to say that the sizes didn’t match. Fortunately or unfortunately, Aska valued my condition more than his own pleasure, so I had never been in so much pain that I felt like I was going to die.
He touched me here and there too much and sucked me wet until I felt like my bones were melting, and then he would penetrate me, but I still couldn’t decide whether this was a good thing or a bad thing.
It was good that it didn’t hurt much, but the prolonged foreplay to avoid pain wasn’t really good. It wasn’t about the presence or absence of pleasure, but the degree was too much.
Almost ten out of ten times, I would lose control of my body and be in a mentally unstable state. It was definitely my body, but I couldn’t move properly because of the spasms, and I couldn’t control when I came or how I made sounds.
And I probably cried less in my entire life than I did during the nights we spent together. Why can’t I control my tear glands only when we’re in bed?
There were many reasons, such as being too good, too hard, or feeling like I was suffocating, but I still didn’t understand. I had never cried like this even in more difficult, more suffocating, and more painful situations.
Anyway, if the person I was with wasn’t Aska, I probably would never have done this kind of thing in my life. I might have done it once or twice out of curiosity, but I could guarantee that would have been the end of it.
But the more I did it, the more different I felt than the first time. Subtle changes that I couldn’t put into words kept happening.
“Does it hurt?”
Aska asked with a worried voice. I stared at his sweat-soaked face and eyes blurred with lust, then shook my head. I wanted to tell him that I was okay, but the pressure was so intense that I couldn’t breathe properly.
“Hah, ah…”
I desperately tried to adapt to this ridiculous size, repeatedly inhaling and exhaling. Meanwhile, Aska kissed my face and neck incessantly.
Every time my body stiffened on its own, my inner walls involuntarily tightened. Then Aska would wince and groan as if in pain or frustration. Even in the midst of the hardship, seeing that made my groin tingle.
His hand, warmed by my body temperature, gently stroked the outside of my spasming thigh, and my body gradually relaxed. Without realizing it, I gropingly placed my hand on my numb lower abdomen, and Aska murmured softly.
“I’ve been thinking…”
As he said that, he lifted his upper body slightly, and the inside, which had been tightly fitted without any gaps, was pressed and crumpled here and there, making me gasp for breath.
“Ah, just a moment…”
Unfortunately, I was not in a situation to think deeply about anything right now. I supported myself with my hands on the floor and involuntarily pulled my body upward little by little. Of course, that didn’t make the deeply embedded thing come out, but it was close to a survival instinct.
Then Aska grabbed my waist with both hands and pulled me down.
“Ugh!”
I hadn’t gone up much, but it felt like I was falling. The hard, thick thing forcibly widened my flesh even further inside than before.
“Mahir told you, now that you’re all grown up, you have to decide for yourself how to live.”
“Ahhk!”
His manhood, barely covered by the glans, slid into me almost to the end. Aska seemed to be moving slowly on purpose to give me time to adjust, but in fact, this was more painful.
“Hearing that from you, I also, ah…”
Aska, who had been speaking well even while panting, trailed off for a moment. As I desperately pulled his trembling body closer, Aska’s upper body came towards me as if pouring down.
My internal organs were pushed up, making it even harder to breathe, and my lungs expanded as if they were about to burst, but I did not release the arms that were holding Aska. Aska panted and rubbed his lips against my wet eyes.
“I’ve been thinking about how I want to live too.”
Aska lifted his head slightly and looked down at me. Looking at his face with unfocused eyes, I felt an unknown, strange satisfaction.
“How do you want to live?”
My voice came out low and hoarse. His dark red eyes were filled with tears, sparkling like a lake reflecting the sunlight on a clear day.
It was so quiet that I could hear even the small pants and the sound of his lips parting and closing again. His long hair hung precariously on his shoulders before falling down, slightly pushing away the warm air.
It was as if only the two of us existed in this world.
“I…”
It was ridiculous to say these words while sweating and rolling around messily, but it was a similar feeling to when we were watching the sunset together on top of a tall tree.
“I want to grow old and die with you.”
“…”
“I want to grow old with you, watching the sun rise and set together every day…”
“…”
His earnest wish flowed out touchingly and reached me. The sound, so small and fragile that it seemed like it would scatter at any moment if I didn’t catch it quickly, continued to linger around me.
The moment that feeling reached the very bottom of me, I felt something that I could not explain in words. This was a word I did not know. The clear emotion of a sound that could not be uttered filled me completely from the deepest part of me.
How should I explain this? What should I say so that Aska could fully feel even half of my heart? Can all of this be expressed simply by saying I love you? That common and trite sentence could not convey the feeling I felt.
It was so insufficient, but even so, this was the limit of my ability. I couldn’t decorate it with grand and beautiful words, and I hurriedly opened my mouth as if being chased.
“Have I ever told you that I love you?”
My voice was much more hoarse than before. The pronunciation was also unclear, but fortunately, it seemed to have reached Aska.
“Every day.”
But I couldn’t help but frown at the answer I heard. I haven’t told him I love him every day? Aska smiled slightly as he saw my frowning face and started moving again.
“Every time you look at me, every time you touch me, my name…”
The senses that had calmed down slightly became sharp again. Every time he thrust in strongly, an unbearable pleasure shook my brain.
“Every time you call my name…”
“Ugh, h…”
I hugged Aska’s neck, who was desperately confessing with tearful eyes. I rubbed my face against his sweat-soaked neck and clung to him as much as possible while trying to catch my breath.
“Since the first time we met.”
We were not reproducing. Nor were we doing this to show off each other’s strength. Pleasure existed, but it was very insignificant compared to the feelings I was feeling now.
I was slowly realizing that copulation was not simply a means to an end. There was no shame or pain in this. There were only two people who were anxious to show each other their feelings in any way possible.
“Every day until now…”
Every time Aska’s earnest confession was mixed in with the messy sound of wet flesh colliding and churning, my heart dropped down.
Born in different places, living differently in different places, how could we have met like this and touched each other?
I love you. This sentence, which is too common to say out loud, was actually a bizarre thing that could not be explained in words.
This was a miracle that was hard to explain and could not be expressed in any words. It was like the shock of encountering an unknown thing that I had never seen or heard before.
“You have been telling me you love me without a moment’s rest.”
It was a miraculous shock.
“It overflows every day and keeps piling up around me…”
Aska’s tears fell on my eyes and slid down. Warm tears flowed clearly down my temples. I touched Aska’s cheek and met his eyes as if possessed.
“It became my world.”
It was a beauty like water turning into fire.