By Zephyria 
“This much…”
As he mumbled, palm open, a gnat appeared again outside the carriage window. His gaze naturally followed it, then paused. Aska was looking at the same spot as well.
Aska, sensing that my gaze was strange, asked with a bewildered expression.
“You can see that?”
His fingertip accurately pointed to the shining gnat. The gnat, which had been merely floating in the air, flapped its wings as if trying to approach Aska. Without the slightest hesitation, Aska waved his hand, pushing the gnat out the window as if chasing away a real insect.
“That’s not a gnat.”
Aska said to me, who was silently watching him.
“Then what is it?”
“I don’t know. But anyway, it’s not an insect.”
“Why am I suddenly seeing things like that? I don’t know if it’s because of the earring or because I went into the Ruins.”
It wasn’t that I had no idea; it was that there were too many possibilities. Not a single one of the recent events I’d experienced had been ordinary.
“It’s not dangerous, but if you acknowledge it, it’ll keep following you, so just pretend you don’t see it. Sometimes, they even trip you on purpose.”
I nodded without much thought, then suddenly remembered the contents of a Forbidden book I’d seen when I was young. It was a book that described monsters that no longer existed, and I remembered seeing something similar to a gnat in it. It had been too long, so I couldn’t remember the name.
“Is it a type of Magical creature?”
“I don’t think it’s a Magical creature? It feels more like Popo.”
“Popo?”
“Pipi and Chichi are Magical creatures, but Popo feels a little different.”
Come to think of it, Aska wasn’t very good at explaining things. Whenever I asked him something, he always talked about feelings and whatnot, so I could barely understand what he was saying.
“It doesn’t matter since you’ll be with me, but just so you know, sometimes they ask you to follow them. Of course, you shouldn’t follow them.”
Why shouldn’t I follow them if they’re not dangerous? In a way, I could make new discoveries, and I could take a little risk, since I can’t die anyway… Ah.
“…”
Fortunately, I didn’t say it out loud, but it was something that would have saddened Aska if he had heard it. Feeling guilty for just thinking it, I coughed awkwardly and nodded.
“Okay. But have you ever followed them?”
I expected him to say no, but Aska nodded.
“They were luring me to a cliff.”
“…”
Then he said something unexpected.
“I thought they would take me to a place where treasure was hidden, of course.”
Aska frowned at my bewildered expression.
“There were a few old coins at the bottom. Anyway, I don’t know if it’s good or bad, so it’s better not to associate with them at all.”
I agreed with that. There was no reason to take risks when I didn’t need to. Actually, I wanted to take a little risk, but I couldn’t help it since I wasn’t on my own anymore.
“It’s been a while since you’ve been to the capital.”
It seemed like we were about to arrive, so I changed the subject. At my words, Aska rested his chin on his hand and looked out the window.
“I came once a few years ago. Maybe three years ago? Or two…”
That was around the time he came out of the Rollai Mountains and was looking for me.
“I suddenly thought of my grandmother and came for a bit, but luckily she wasn’t dead.”
It was fortunate, as Aska said, but it was something I couldn’t understand with my common sense. Considering the way Calderia had used Aska, she should have died a long time ago, right?
But I couldn’t say these things in front of Aska, who thought of that person almost like his own grandmother.
I hid my doubts and just nodded.
“Is she still there? Should we stop by?”
When they were young, the two often clashed over the issue of whether or not to cover their faces, but Aska always missed his grandmother. I knew that best, having been in Aska’s dreams.
It was a difficult and harsh environment, but it had at least made Aska feel less lonely, so I wanted to give her some kind of reward if I could.
“She passed away a few days after meeting me.”
But I had no choice but to revise my plans at Aska’s words.
“After I went to Actan, Aegis’s princess lost the succession battle, and all the related people were purged. My grandmother was lucky enough to escape in the chaos.”
“Ah… That’s a relief.”
Was it really a relief? I was doubtful, but it was difficult to think of what to say. In the end, I carefully considered my words and offered my condolences.
“Your grandmother has gone to a good place.”
As I spoke, I suddenly became curious. Then did all the people who hit and mocked Aska back then die too? Ah, damn it. I should have killed them.
Still, there might be people who were lucky enough to survive like his grandmother, so I should take a closer look.
“She originally wanted to leave far away, but she had trouble moving around, didn’t have much, and thought I might come back, so she just stayed in the capital.”
His tone was calm, but I could feel his voice gradually sinking.
“I saw her after a long time, and she recognized me right away. My face had changed a lot, and my height and build had gotten a lot bigger.”
Whether he was young or old, that wasn’t a problem. Once you saw Aska, he had a face that you could never forget, regardless of age. But this wasn’t the atmosphere to say such things, so I just kept my mouth shut.
Then Aska began to talk about the secret of his birth that he had heard from his grandmother. Aska was an illegitimate child of the Calderia royal family, and he had lived in the slums to hide that fact. His mother had passed away giving birth to Aska, and his grandmother had been his mother’s wet nurse during her lifetime.
I had already expected it from the moment I heard that he had lived in the slums, so it wasn’t particularly new to me.
But even so, the question remained. Why did they bother to dress Aska, a man, as a woman and send him to Actan? It’s the same deception anyway, wouldn’t it be much less risky to just find a suitable woman?
This part had always bothered me since I first learned of Aska’s identity.
“She passed away two days after meeting me. She had a little trouble breathing, but she still passed away peacefully at the end, as if she were falling asleep.”
I was lost in thought for a moment, then suddenly felt that Aska was strangely continuing to talk.
“Do you miss her?”
At my question, Aska turned his head and looked at me. Seeing his somewhat sunken eyes, I suddenly felt uneasy. What should I do if he said he missed her? I can’t bring the dead back to life.
“Yeah.”
My worries became reality. This was beyond my ability. Should I start developing from now on? But I’m not living in Actan now, so I can’t squeeze someone to come up with a method like I could when I was there.
Is it even possible to bring the dead back to life in the first place? The corpse must have rotted and only bones are left. Wouldn’t it be better to have a doll that looks similar to her appearance during her lifetime? But would Aska like that doll? I have a feeling he wouldn’t.
In a short moment, countless thoughts filled my head. I desperately wondered how to ease Aska’s heart.
But unexpectedly, the method was simple.
“Let’s go see your grandmother together when we have time later.”
“See her?”
To die?
“I buried her in the backyard of the house. I even set up a tombstone. I made it.”
“…”
I couldn’t help but be taken aback by the unexpected words. I asked with a bewildered feeling.
“You want to go see her because you miss her? At the grave?”
Aska tilted his head with a puzzled expression, as if he felt that my reaction was strange.
“I’m not saying let’s go right now, just when we get free later.”
Did he think I was reacting like this because I didn’t like it? I quickly shook my head at his words as if taking a step back.
“Isn’t your grandmother’s house in the capital anyway? Let’s go as soon as we arrive. It’s not a long distance, and we’re just going to see her for a bit, so it doesn’t matter if we’re free or not. We’ll go if you want to see her.”
I was so shocked that I didn’t even know what I was saying.
He goes to the grave to see her because he misses her? I might have realized that you could think that way for the first time today.
Dying meant that you could never see that person again. That’s why I always tried not to miss people I could never see again. What’s the point of thinking that I miss them when I can’t see them again anyway? It just makes me sad and depressed.
So I was desperately trying to forget them, even consciously, but in fact, there was a way to see them. Of course, that wouldn’t change the fact that the person was dead, but still…
Suddenly, the faces of countless people who had died because of me, including Jia and Garam, flashed through my mind. Would something have changed if I had visited their graves even once back then?
I stared blankly at Aska, imagining the days that could not be turned back, and then opened my mouth.
“Let’s buy a lot of flowers too.”
At my words, Aska’s sunken face bloomed like a flower. Seeing him smile brightly, my heart began to ache.
What if we had met when we were much younger? What would have happened to me if you hadn’t been by my side until now?
I tried to imagine it again, but I was too scared and stopped.