By Zephyria 
I don’t know how long I had been sleeping since then.
When I opened my eyes, I was looking at a ceiling I had seen before. It was the ceiling of the infirmary. And the faces that suddenly intruded from the side were Zeon and Cloud.
“Raymond! Are you alright?”
When I got up, Zeon was fidgeting and looking like he was about to cry. While I was reassuring Zeon, who was like that, Cloud, who had been quietly watching me, opened his mouth.
“I heard the situation from our student Zeon and observed you without permission.”
I turned my head to face him. He must have examined the state inside this body while I was asleep. As I waited silently, Cloud lowered his eyes with a serious, hardened face.
“At this rate, you won’t last long.”
“…What kind of words are those!”
Zeon interjected at Cloud’s blunt words and tried to get angry, so I stopped him with a gesture. Zeon hesitated and stopped at that. Cloud glanced at Zeon and continued the words that had been interrupted.
“You know it yourself, don’t you?”
“I know.”
“Focus on finding a way for the time being.”
Cloud, who nodded, threw something at me. I caught it reflexively and checked it, and it was a class certificate. It was a different color from the Red Class certificate I had.
“It’s the Black Class certificate I obtained. If you take that and enter the library, you’ll have access to most of the information inside the library, so try to search inside.”
It was an item that provided considerable authority, enough to do quite a lot with just this, but he readily gave it to me. I wondered what he would do if I abused it. But from my point of view, there was no reason to refuse, so I just nodded silently.
Cloud then cast Magic on me. When I asked what kind of Magic it was, it was a barrier that blocked Mana from entering from the outside.
He continued his advice to me.
“I’ll block the flow coming in from the outside for a while. It’ll be a temporary measure. But don’t use Magic at all until things are resolved. If you, who attract all kinds of Mana, use Magic, that barrier will break quickly.”
“I know.”
“Hmm. I wonder if you really know.”
I really don’t do what I’m told not to do.
It’s a matter of my life.
When he looked at me with narrowed eyes, Cloud finally let out a chuckle. Then, he said that he would come and let me know if he found any related information as well, and left the infirmary.
I turned to Zeon immediately after Cloud left.
“You should go now too.”
“My Lord, but….”
“I’ve already kept Corso away like that, wouldn’t it look strange if I only kept you by my side? Don’t worry. I don’t intend to die easily either. I’ll find a way somehow.”
That’s what I said to Zeon, but in fact, I was prepared for the worst outcome to some extent.
It wasn’t my wish to enter a human body using Soul Transference, but it was my mistake to think so naively, no matter what the process was.
And if I thought that I had to give up the goals I couldn’t achieve in my previous life this time as well, it was a pity, but the target of revenge and the world had changed too much in the present. Now that I know the world… I have come to rethink whether I should continue to pursue the goals of my previous life.
Anyway.
I’m also bothered if Zeon can’t stay still and keeps circling around me. It may be a heartless thing to say, but Zeon couldn’t help me with this matter. Knowing that fact well, he couldn’t insist on wanting to be with me any longer.
Zeon, who carefully pulled my hand, kissed the back of my hand.
“Please call me when you need me.”
I answered with a smile at that.
After that, having regained my condition, I began to thoroughly search through the books in the Longcrew Library using the Black Class certificate that Cloud had lent me. Since it was almost vacation, there were no classes and no external work to allocate time to. There was plenty of time to look through everything.
Like a bookworm, I only took simple meals and stayed in the library, looking for books. Mainly information books related to Gilbert. Certainly, using the Black Class authority, I was able to access a considerable amount of information.
But there was no information I wanted there.
Too much time, about 500 years, had passed, so even if the historical information related to him was written in detail, there was almost no information recorded about Gilbert himself.
‘Gilbert died not long after the first child ascended the throne… I see. Even that guy, who flew around on par with me, had an ordinary and futile death in the end.’
I stared at the letters embroidered on the paper for a while, then lost interest and closed the book. It was when I got up from my seat. As I turned around to find the next book, there was a presence approaching nearby.
It felt like they had something to say to me, so I turned around quickly, and they stopped in their tracks, hesitating. It was Herman. It had been quite a while since I had last seen him, as it was the first time since I had been holed up in the library.
“I heard from the professor that you would be here….”
Herman scratched his head awkwardly and continued.
“Your family is very worried too. Why don’t you answer their calls?”
“Did you come here to be their spokesperson?”
I cut off Herman’s words like that and turned away, and I could feel him panicking. I took the first step and passed between the bookshelves, and Herman hurriedly followed behind me.
“They’re your family. You could at least answer their calls….”
“I told Polargehen that I don’t want to contact anyone if possible. If you’re here because you’re bored, go back now.”
“…No. I came because I have something to say today.”
Since he said so, it couldn’t be helped. After taking out a book, I sighed softly and turned to look at him. Herman was staring at the floor with a face that seemed to be holding back some emotion.
“I… I won’t be of any help to you.”
“…….”
“I’m not as strong as Zeon, and I don’t know as much as you do.”
“…….”
“But I can listen to you. As a friend.”
I’m not the ‘friend’ you knew.
Those words rose to my throat and then went back in. For some reason, my chest felt stuffy, and it felt like my Mana Heart was hurting again. I frowned slightly and turned my head away from Herman.
“Is that all you have to say?”
That also meant to get lost if he was done. But this servant stubbornly stood there and continued to speak.
“…You know. I’ve known you for almost 20 years already. You don’t remember, but our families are close, so we saw each other often since we were babies.”
Then I could just ignore him and not listen.
Strangely, I couldn’t do that.
“It’s already been almost a year since we came to the academy and spent time together.”
“…….”
“During that time, I’ve been watching you from the side.”
“So what are you trying to say?”
I sighed softly and sat down on the spot, about to move, and asked back. Perhaps because I took an attitude of trying to listen a little more, Herman smiled slightly as if he was happy.
“At first, I thought you had changed. Like you had become a different person. Actually, I still think that sometimes. I can feel you trying to distance yourself from the past. It must be because you don’t have any memories.”
“…….”
“But, it doesn’t matter. Even if you have completely changed from before… what I’m worried about is the current you, and what’s precious to me is the current you.”
I thought it was that sound again, but I lost my words for a moment at the words that followed. It was a strange feeling. Would it be an analogy to say that the fog-like haze in front of my eyes had cleared up in an instant?
While I was carefully thinking about the reason, Herman scratched the back of his neck with an embarrassed look.
“It’s not like I’m trying to treat you like a different person… so… it doesn’t matter. No matter how you’ve changed. The current you is still you. I just wanted to say that.”
“…….”
“Your family will definitely be the same. So please answer their calls. They’re very worried about you.”
STM
And I remained lost in thought until Herman said he would be leaving, mulling over his words.
-Even if you’ve changed completely from what you were….
-The current you is still you.
At some point, I realized.
What was the emotion I felt from his actions of constantly comparing me to the past and chasing after it? Why did it bother me and make me conscious, even though I was fine with it at first?
‘…So that’s what it was.’
I chuckled, feeling a bit foolish. Living among humans, I must have unknowingly become influenced and sought recognition from them.
The definition of that unknown emotion was, in fact, disappointment.