STM 076

I slightly furrowed my brow as I watched Ardian’s demeanor. He was spouting nonsense as if he knew me well—saying things like I wouldn’t have come if I intended to give up, or that I’ve changed a lot—but honestly, I couldn’t understand a word of what he was saying right now.

“What on earth are you talking about all of a sudden…”

“Ray.”

Just then, Ardian leaned in closer, bringing his face forward. Instinctively, I pulled my head back. The eyes gazing at me from right in front were so dazzlingly beautiful, they seemed to take my breath away, making it impossible to look away. Sometimes, when I looked at them, I felt suffocated and wanted to avert my gaze, but there were also times like this when I couldn’t tear myself away, leaving me confused.

“I’ll teach you.”

His golden eyes, shadowed by his lashes, darkened intensely.

“What I feel when I look at you. Until you understand the emotions you can’t comprehend, I’ll keep teaching you.”

As his tilted face drew closer and then veered slightly to the side, our cheeks came perilously close, almost touching. A rebellious thought surged within me—what exactly are you going to teach me, and how?—but I couldn’t spit it out. Before the words could leave my mouth, the unfamiliar sensation of his teeth gently nibbling my earlobe and his damp breath momentarily scattered my thoughts.

“Ugh. Wait, what are you doing?”

Startled by the sudden action, I jerked my head back and stared at him. Seeing my reaction, Ardian let out a small, deflated laugh and continued.

“I said I’d teach you.”

“What does that have to do with what you just did…”

“I like you much more deeply than you think. So, of course, I want to touch you, to feel you. Every single part of you, even the places that don’t usually get touched.”

Hearing that reminded me of a similar thing Ardian had said before. Something about ‘wanting to touch, to kiss, only with you.’ I know the dictionary definition of that.

In other words, this guy desired me.

Arising from feelings based on sexual love.

So then, can all physical desire felt for another be argued as love? Conversely, does the absence of such desire mean it’s not love?

I don’t think it’s that simple. But Ardian clearly craved even my body because of it. That much, at least, seemed certain to me.

Ardian, who had been staring intently at me, reached out and placed his hand on my chest. He slid it softly over my clothes and whispered in a low, secretive voice.

“Ray, I’m going to touch you now.”

“……”

“If you don’t like it, you can push me away.”

I gave no answer or reaction to that.

Taking it as affirmation, he pressed his lips against mine.

The series of movements—his smooth tongue sweeping over my lips, his teeth gently biting my lower lip to part them—were incredibly fluid. As if infused with our mingled breaths, my body gradually warmed, and a faint pleasure spread throughout.

Around that time, the hand that had been playing and fumbling over my chest began to undo the buttons of my shirt. It was a thin, soft shirt I wore to sleep, so I could feel every movement of Ardian’s fumbling fingers directly.

Then, as the garment opened wide, Ardian’s hand, stretching out cautiously as if exploring unknown territory, touched the inner skin that had never been touched by anyone before. The sensation was so utterly unfamiliar that I involuntarily flinched.

“Ha…”

Our moistened lips parted, and heated breath escaped through the gap. As the hand that had been tracing my chest moved up to stroke my shoulder and arm, the naturally loosened shirt slipped from my shoulder. With his face buried in my nape, his lips fumbling, Ardian wrapped his arms around my waist and leaned his upper body forward, causing me to tilt back and lie down on the bed.

“Ray. You know, I’m trembling so much right now.”

Whispering that, Ardian took my hand and placed it against his own chest. The rapidly beating pulse was distinctly felt through my palm, stirring a strange feeling within me.

“I like you.”

Even though it was a very small whisper, it somehow sounded exceptionally clear to me.

Just as I was breathing in, my mood somehow heightened. Ardian, who had kissed the back of my hand once, lowered his head. He licked the protruding nipple with his tongue, then, with a soft, breathy sound, took the prominent bud into his mouth.

“Hng.”

My body curled up, a shivery, goosebump-raising sensation. Unconsciously, a sound escaped my lips. Meanwhile, Ardian, who had slid down while stroking my abdomen, fumbled to undo and open my pants, then slipped his hand inside.

“……!”

The extremely unfamiliar sensation made me reflexively move my leg, but he grabbed one leg, preventing me from closing them. And Ardian, who had been kissing his way down from my chest past my navel with soft, sucking kisses, finally pulled down my underwear. Inside, my half-aroused penis peeked out, stimulated. Seeing myself exposed like this was embarrassing, and I felt a hot flush instantly rise to my face.

“Wait…”

Just as I, with a burning face and furrowed brow, tried to remove his hand…

Ardian, who had fully pulled out my member, pressed his lips against the shaft as if it were something utterly adorable. The soft, plump sensation of his lips was touching a place that normally would never be touched.

“Ha… uh.”

At that moment, a tingling, pleasant sensation ran down my spine. I had hardly ever touched myself, and even during those few acts, I never felt particularly good, but this felt different somehow. Was it the difference between handling with a hand and with a mouth? But even just being touched by his hand evoked a similar feeling, so I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what was different.

While I was lost in thought, bewildered, he took the tip of my member into his mouth. Enveloped in the hot, wet interior of his mouth, I could also feel his slippery tongue moving around.

“Ugh, hng.”

Earlier, I reacted to each new experience since it was my first time, but as the stimulation continued, a bizarrely pleasant sensation spread like blooming heat, so I didn’t particularly push him away or resist. It didn’t feel bad; it felt good, and I couldn’t find a reason to refuse.

Not long after, as the urge to climax built, tension naturally creased my brow. I tapped his shoulder as a signal to take his mouth off now, but he only glanced up at me and still didn’t let go.

“Ugh…”

In the end, unable to hold back any longer, I spilled everything into his mouth. Dazed in the aftermath of the climax, Ardian gulped down the semen.

I wanted to ask why the hell he’d swallow that disgusting stuff, but between the dazed, euphoric feeling and the unfamiliar exhaustion, I didn’t have the energy left, so I just glared silently.

In the dark room, illuminated only by moonlight from the window and the faint lamplight, Ardian’s face, glimpsed briefly, seemed somewhat flushed. His cheeks, usually as pale as piled snow, were tinged with heat, glowing faintly.

“Ray.”

The voice that blew in like a breeze and settled on my ear was like a pleasant melody. He kept pressing and rubbing his lips against mine, and rather than finding it annoying, it gave me a cozy feeling, making me drowsy.

“I like you. A lot.”

If I closed my eyes like this, I felt I’d fall asleep. Listening to his whispering declarations of love, I gently closed my eyelids. In my fading consciousness, I thought I heard more muttering, but I couldn’t properly register it before I fell asleep.

“This time, I absolutely… won’t lose you. …’Eve’.”

☠

The next day. When I opened my eyes, it was already morning.

Thinking about yesterday’s events, I should have been lying there almost naked, but there was no sticky feeling, and I was neatly dressed. It seemed that while I was asleep, Ardian had washed my body again and even dressed me.

‘…Going through such troublesome efforts.’

I glanced around briefly, but no one was there.

Ardian, for whatever reason, had already left the room.

With a sigh, I sat up and, in that state, briefly replayed yesterday’s events. Thinking about it now, last night I might have been somewhat bewitched. It felt like I was played with and swept away by Ardian’s skilled tongue.

He said he’d teach me to understand what the emotion called love is, but in the end, I only realized ‘in what form and to what extent he desires me.’

“Haa.”

No matter how much he likes me, if I don’t understand it, it’s all for nothing. Anyway, since I also had a pleasant experience in the end, I didn’t intend to make a fuss about this matter.

But my curiosity about why the act of pressing and rubbing bodies together with him felt so pleasant grew even stronger. I’ve received Gyeong-ae’s kisses several times, and I’ve had unintended skin contact with that damn Gilbert, but I never felt like this any of those times.

What exactly creates the difference?

Could it be that without even realizing it, I harbor feelings for him similar to his for me? But is it right to hastily judge my own unclear feelings based on just this clue?

What about Zeon? Would he and Ardian truly be different?

Just then, the door opened, and a familiar voice was heard.

“Ray.”

I turned my head toward it.

Standing at the door was Ardian.

“Did you sleep well?”

Despite doing such things yesterday, he looked no different from usual. Well, even if he did those things, there’s no reason he should be different, so it doesn’t seem strange. Wasn’t he essentially the same as usual anyway? As I silently stared at him with eyes asking what he wanted, Ardian smiled faintly and continued.

“The kids are having breakfast. They’re waiting in the dining room.”

Hearing that, I suddenly felt hungry. I had nibbled on dessert last night, so I was okay, but considering that, I hadn’t eaten properly, so it made sense to be hungry early in the morning.

“Got it.”

Unconsciously rubbing my stomach, I got up from my seat and headed toward the door. Just as I was about to cross the threshold, the guy grabbed my passing waist, turned me to face him, and planted a kiss on my forehead. Startled, I opened my eyes wide and stared. Ardian smiled brightly like the morning sun and shamelessly continued.

“Let’s go eat quickly.”

Ardian went down to the dining room first, leaving me frozen behind. Somehow… it feels like he’s become more unreserved with physical contact.

‘Ugh.’

Glaring at his retreating back, I furrowed my brow and pressed my hand to my forehead. For some reason, I had a feeling things were going to get troublesome from now on.