By Zephyria 
As I stopped and looked at him, Zeon narrowed his eyes slightly and came closer. He bent down slightly and kissed the back of my hand, which he gently pulled.
“I was worried because you went out alone.”
“Worried. I just came out to get some air.”
I lightly withdrew my hand and shook it off, and as I started walking again, Zeon naturally followed behind me and walked together. The waves that had surged once crashed and made a cool sound.
“Zeon.”
There were no people, and even if there were people, the sandy beach was wide, and the cheerful sound of the waves made it impossible for the conversation in this place to leak out. There wouldn’t be many situations where we could be so comfortable, so if we were going to have an important conversation, now was the time.
“What was it that you were going to say earlier but didn’t?”
Since such an opportunity had come, I asked. He must have understood that fact as well. However, Zeon, who was quietly following behind me, kept his mouth shut and remained silent for a long time.
“……?”
I thought he was hesitating because it was something important that was difficult to say in a place where the other kids were, but that didn’t seem to be the case.
As I looked at Zeon’s hesitant appearance, I suddenly remembered his past appearance, which seemed to lack energy. And I also remembered the fact that he had never told me the reason why he was like that.
It’s still strange.
I stopped walking abruptly and turned around. But even when he was facing me right in front of my nose, he still remained silent.
“You….”
Zeon was hiding his inner thoughts from me. The moment I realized that, my heart turned cold. I felt like the heart that had been floating comfortably until just now had plummeted to the bottom.
“…Why are you hiding it from me?”
Is there something he can’t readily tell me?
“You, who used to spit out even trivial inner thoughts without hesitation, what are you hiding now?”
The guy who was just looking down at me and keeping his mouth shut felt so unfamiliar. Maybe I had been trusting this guy too much. I had been relying on him because he was the only one who knew my identity and supported me.
“Astarzel.”
What are you thinking right now? I wanted to ask, but I couldn’t say anything more. A moment of silence continued. And it was when I became more convinced that I shouldn’t just gloss over it like this.
“It was hard to say. I….”
Zeon’s lips, which had been firmly closed in a straight line, opened quietly. Perhaps because I was concentrating sensitively, the surrounding noise gradually faded, and his voice was heard more clearly.
“I have come to no longer see my lord as my lord.”
“What?”
“I have come to have feelings for my lord that I should not have.”
Suddenly, a faint smile appeared on Zeon’s lips.
“I love you. Not with reverence, but with affection.”
“……”
“Being anxious to touch you even a little more, and feeling jealous of your private affairs with others, are not the feelings I should have for my lord. Of course, I will be by your side as always. I just wanted to convey my presumptuous feelings… I have disturbed my lord’s heart.”
“……”
It’s sudden. It was something I hadn’t even thought of. So, the first thought that came to my mind at that moment was, ‘Why the hell?’ My head was so complicated that I couldn’t get a grasp on it. My heart, which had plummeted to the bottom, was now floating awkwardly. I touched my throbbing forehead.
“I don’t… understand, Zeon. You clearly….”
Didn’t he state that he didn’t have such feelings of love for me during the previous training camp? As if reading my thoughts, Zeon scratched his cheek awkwardly with a sheepish smile.
“I also realized my feelings not long ago. And I have never explicitly denied it even once.”
Now that he said that, it seemed like that was the case.
I became very embarrassed.
I never thought that Zeon would say such a thing, and the fact that I didn’t know what to say in return just because I had heard such feelings from someone close to me didn’t change. Ardian was one thing, but the other party was Zeon. In the first place, he wasn’t the type to lie and joke, and he had been a loyal subordinate who had been by my side since he was Mephisto.
I didn’t want to gloss over it either.
The fact that I couldn’t understand the feeling of liking someone made me so embarrassed.
I pondered and then opened my mouth.
“Zeon, as you know… I don’t know what the feeling you mentioned is like. If a rejection is okay, I can give you an answer at any time, but if not, I can’t tell you any words right now.”
“Yes, I know.”
Zeon nodded with a cool face, as if he had taken that much into account. Now that I think about it, my current state seemed to be one of the reasons why he didn’t tell me his inner thoughts and hesitated so much. I felt sorry for urging him to answer.
“I’m sorry… my lord. I’ve made my lord feel embarrassed, but I’m relieved to have finally said it, so I’m a selfish guy.”
“I was the one who pushed you to say it. There’s nothing to be sorry about.”
I forgave him with a generous heart. Zeon also seemed to have relaxed a little more, and he smiled with a much more natural and brighter face than before. No, it would be right to say that he was finally back to his usual self. He had been talking less and thinking a lot lately, so I was quite worried… But seeing that appearance, I don’t think I need to worry anymore.
Perhaps because he didn’t say it with the intention of getting an answer right away, Zeon seemed satisfied enough just to have conveyed his feelings.
“Then, my lord, I will go in first. The weather is warm, but the sea breeze is cold, so please don’t stay out too long.”
As I nodded at that, Zeon, who suddenly spread his arms, carefully hugged me. It was an unauthorized action. My eyebrows naturally furrowed at the presumptuous act, but you can’t spit on a smiling face… Seeing him smiling happily, I couldn’t scold him.
“…Go in quickly.”
“Yes.”
In the end, I nicely sent off Zeon, who left first. His figure, which had become as small as a bean, moved away. While I was quietly looking at it, I remembered something and belatedly exclaimed.
‘Come to think of it, there was something more I wanted to ask.’
About the circumstances before and after the training camp that I couldn’t remember properly.
I had heard the answer that he still didn’t remember when I asked him last time, but I was going to ask him one more time just in case. Well, if he remembered, he would have said it first, but seeing that he hadn’t said anything until now, it seemed like he still didn’t remember.
‘I can’t help it.’
There was no way to force out something he couldn’t remember. Though a nagging feeling remained, it was already over. He figured he should just bury the matter.
-I like you. Not with reverence, but with affection.
“……”
Zeon’s words suddenly resurfaced, and I shook my head a couple of times as if to shake off the thought, along with a sigh. Was the absence of emotion such an unsettling and anxious thing? Not fully understanding emotions that everyone else understood… it didn’t feel as good as I thought.
‘What is liking?’
I’d heard that the emotion of ‘love for another’ was different from simply preferring an object. If so, how was it different?
‘Yeah. I don’t know.’
I had lived without ever finding the answer.
For me, whose only goals in life were to pursue great power and take revenge on humans, there was no need to know such irrelevant emotions, so I had ignored them even more. Now, even if I frantically tried to find the answer, I wouldn’t be able to understand it right away.
I pondered about it and strolled along the beach for a while longer, and it was only when the sun had completely disappeared and the moon was shining brightly that I returned to the villa.
Herman’s room was dark and quiet. It seemed everyone had already returned to their rooms and finished preparing for bed. So, I turned and went back to my room. Since it was a room I shared with Ardian, strictly speaking, I should say it was a room that he and I shared.
“You’re back.”
When I entered the room, I saw Ardian sitting on the bed with only a small lamp lit. He greeted me and turned around, smiling as he gently hid his brilliantly shining golden eyes behind his eyelids.
“Aren’t you hungry? Don’t you want to eat dinner?”
“Not really. I’m not hungry.”
Probably because I had been nibbling on desserts while playing cards earlier. I changed into something simple and went into the bathroom to wash up. He could have fallen asleep in the meantime, but Ardian stayed awake until I returned.
“Aren’t you sleeping?”
I sat down heavily on the bed next to him and asked. I had deliberately chosen a room with two beds, so there was one bed each.
“It’s a waste to go to sleep already.”
Ardian looked at me and smiled brightly.
“I finally get to be alone with you like this.”
I let out a shallow snort at that. Then, I flopped down on the bed. Whether we were alone or not, I was going to sleep. But he didn’t seem to have any intention of letting me sleep quietly.
Ardian came over to the bed next to mine and climbed on top of me, pressing down with his knees, and I heard the sound of the springs. I glanced at him and saw him looking down at me with a faint smile on his face.
“What were you talking about with Zeon earlier?”
It seemed he had been watching.
“……”
After a moment of silence, I met his gaze and let out a small sigh. Then, I sat up again and faced him, who was right in front of me. I intended to make it clear to him while I was at it.
“Listen carefully, Ardian.”
A wave of emotion surged in Ardian’s eyes at that moment. Looking at those eyes, I suddenly realized that I had rarely called him by his name properly like this.
“Yeah. I’m listening.”
Ardian smiled even more deeply.
I could feel more emotion on his face than usual.
For a moment, it felt like I had seen the inside of him, stripped of a layer, and I was speechless, my mouth moving a few times. Then, I quickly pulled myself together, furrowed my brow, and continued what I was going to say.
“I don’t properly understand the form of emotion you pour out on me. Even if you whisper sweet nothings about love until your mouth is dry, I don’t even know what that is.”
“Yeah.”
“…Are you really understanding me? I mean, I don’t know when I’ll be able to give you an answer about what you want, let alone whether I like you or not. It’d be easier to just give up….”
“That’s not true.”
Ardian interrupted me and lowered his eyes.
A hand reached out and carefully took mine.
“If I was going to give up, I wouldn’t have had any reason to come to see you in the first place. And you know what? You’ve changed a lot. Now you know what anger is, and you know what joy and sadness are too. You’ve also come to have thoughts and a will for yourself.”
Lips kissed the back of my hand and went down to gently bite the tips of my fingers.
The eyes looking at me shone brightly.
“So, I have no intention of giving up now.”