By Zephyria 
Our Joo, Kang Jun
“Ugh, my neck.”
I rubbed my heavy eyes with my hands.
In the room, darkened by blackout curtains, the only source of light was my phone screen. The flickering light kept seeping through my eyelids. Ugh. I groaned and picked up the phone that had been rolling around somewhere near my head, and there was a reason it was flickering so much.
Five missed calls and two unread messages. I checked them from the bottom up with a hazy mind.
「Son, sorry I can’t keep coming home. The clients messed everything up and then went on Christmas vacation, can you believe it? I’m getting sick of them being so picky about welfare and everything. But I’ll try to make sure we can spend the end of the year together. Always love you.」
“……”
Come to think of it. I couldn’t even remember how I spent most of the many anniversaries I’d experienced in my life, they were so uneventful. We usually just celebrated all the anniversaries in the month Father came home at once, but there was no reason to suddenly feel sad or lonely now.
「Me too. I miss you.」
I sent a reply and then listlessly looked at the remaining missed calls. Kang Suhyun. That damn Kang Suhyun. Does this bastard have no friends but me? He’s such a pain in the ass.
「Just checking since you haven’t replied: Did the amusement park have the fireworks event they do every year, or not?」
And he even added that bullshit.
「Didn’t have it.」
Then I threw the phone down.
As I started to wake up, I got a headache. I’d be lucky if it was just a headache. My back was throbbing too, so I buried my face in the blanket for a moment and groaned. The blanket smelled different than usual. A smell that wasn’t mine. The smell of blue melancholy. Go Yohan’s smell.
I buried my nose deep in the blanket and sniffed. Why does Go Yohan always smell so good? Even when I hated him, I thought he smelled good. Like soap, but also refreshing.
“Good.”
Then the thought just slipped out of my mouth.
Well, what does it matter if it slipped out? It’s okay to say something is good when it’s good. My mind is hazy, but that doesn’t mean I’m an idiot. This is my house anyway. And there’s no one to hear me…
“You like it? Our baekjaji.”
…No one, there shouldn’t have been.
I felt a jolt of clarity and the firm arm wrapped around my waist at the same time. Thin, soft hair tickled my cheek and neck, and a gentle voice was right next to my ear. Only then did I open my swollen eyelids wide. And as soon as I realized that the place I was lying wasn’t my bed, I quickly replayed the memories of yesterday.
Reality and memory were telling me. This was Go Yohan’s bed. Of course, I was naked. I didn’t know about Go Yohan, who was behind me because I was lying on my side.
“Should we do something even better from the morning?”
The hand that was tickling my stomach gradually moved lower. When a slender finger passed below my smooth navel, I hurriedly grabbed Go Yohan’s wrist.
“Don’t.”
“Don’t talk. Your throat is sore.”
“That’s why I said don’t… I mean, don’t. My back really hurts. I almost died taking you yesterday. And I’ve said it before, I’m not a baek, whatever, I’m not that.”
“Then if it’s not a baekjaji, what is it, a peeled eggplant?”
“Ugh…!”
He probably doesn’t even feel my grip on his wrist. Go Yohan chuckled once and then pulled my hand down with force. Then he rubbed the area above my penis with his finger and acted all nonchalant.
“If you don’t like it being flat here, should I put some hair restorer on it?”
“Just get lost!”
I shouted and forcefully pulled Go Yohan’s hand away. My ears were burning with embarrassment, so I just grabbed the blanket and pulled it between my legs. Jerk. I didn’t want to look at Go Yohan’s face, so I buried my head in the blanket and didn’t lift it.
But Go Yohan didn’t lift the blanket or tease me. He just raised himself up a little and started looking at my arms and legs. That made me even more curious.
“What are you doing?”
I couldn’t resist my curiosity and turned around. Go Yohan was looking at my right hand.
“Checking.”
“Checking what?”
As soon as I opened my mouth, the hand that had been touching my skin touched the thickest part of my palm. I flinched instinctively. Why does it hurt there? I thought about the reason and my head started to heat up. I remembered holding the safety bar in the car and kneeling while being shaken.
“The skin is a little peeled here.”
“I-It doesn’t really hurt.”
I hid my face again. I didn’t need to look in the mirror to know what my face looked like.
But Go Yohan didn’t seem to notice my face and ran his hands down my side and hips. My chest, which I was hiding by lying face down, felt like it was about to burst. While I was distracted, my leg was lifted, and I felt a cut-like sensation near my knee, and I couldn’t help but groan.
“Ah!”
“It’s red here too.”
“It’s just a scraped knee. It’s nothing.”
“Does it hurt anywhere else?”
Shake, shake. I literally shook my head. I just wanted him to put my leg down quickly.
My wish was granted sooner than I thought. Go Yohan gently put my leg down as if he were handling a jewel. I felt relieved. Maybe it was because I felt like I had accomplished something difficult.
I shouldn’t have been so relieved. I shouldn’t have let my guard down. I should have noticed Go Yohan’s movements.
“……Huh?”
Suddenly, my hips were grabbed, and my body was turned upright. Before I knew it, I was looking at the light on the ceiling. Huh. Before I could be surprised, my legs were spread apart. The blanket that had been between my legs fell to the ground. Uh-oh. Uh. And I felt a hot, hard sensation on my knees. I hurriedly raised my upper body slightly and looked over the pile of blankets.
“Go, Go Yohan.”
Go Yohan, who was between my legs, had his eyes closed and was licking my knees.
At my call, Go Yohan opened his eyes slightly and then closed them again. In the familiar darkness, Go Yohan’s pupils shone brightly and then disappeared. He seemed to be smiling, but he also seemed to be expressionless. Go Yohan’s expression, which I couldn’t understand at all, was hidden by my legs. Shoop-. The long sound made my knees feel cold. Go Yohan, who had slightly parted his lips from my knee, stroked the area near the wound with his finger and said.
“I’m giving you first aid.”
Then he looked up at me and smiled.
Before I could stop him, Go Yohan licked my knee again. His long neckline and broad shoulders, which were exposed because he was bending his large body to kiss me, were clearly visible.
“……”
Honestly, it was too harmful a scene for me. It’s sexy. Too sexy. Even the clear outline of his center, which was clearly visible whenever he moved his waist because he was wearing training pants without underwear, was too stimulating. I averted my eyes slightly and opened my mouth.
“I think you’re, uh, hard.”
“Yeah. I’m hard.”
I gathered the blanket with my fingertips. If you know, don’t do this. At the same time, a thought came to my mind. Should I do this, or not? A scale with weights on both sides moved back and forth. Finally, one of the scales somewhere in my head tilted and fell to one side. I spread my fingers again.
“……Um.”
Go Yohan raised his eyes and asked. Why.
“Should I touch you in the front?”
And when Go Yohan’s pupils shook for a moment, I cheered inwardly. My petty pride was stirring in my chest. My foolish actions always come from stubbornness. My history has also been made up of stubbornness. Just like now.
I lifted the leg that Go Yohan was holding. Go Yohan’s gaze followed my movement to my foot, and I stepped on the inside of Go Yohan’s thigh with my sole.
“……I’m giving you first aid too.”
At my provocation, Go Yohan moved his hand and slowly grabbed my ankle. Then he firmly fixed my foot on his center and nodded. With a very expectant face, wet with anticipation.
“Yeah, please.”
Then I can’t not do it. Go Yohan is lovable anyway.
Unfortunately, the
However, the difference is that the format has disappeared. I just write it down when I think of it, and sometimes I forget to write it down. That’s why my
GoOO’s cooking looks like dogani-tang (estimated to be tteok-ramyeon) from hell. But the taste is pretty good.
101-1. What a weirdo.
But why does my food taste like this?
“I followed the recipe exactly.”
I put in the right amount because it said to put in the right amount, and I put in a pinch because it said to put in a pinch. I did everything according to the recipe, so why doesn’t it taste good? This is a serious matter that needs to be questioned. It’s not my fault either. How much is the right amount, anyway? I needed exact measurements.
But Go Yohan gets that right amount right in a way that makes me feel bad. Why does he get it right? To observe that, I decided to pretend to cook for Go Yohan and make mistakes. So this food is not intentional.
“Jun-ah. How long do I have to keep doing this?”
“How do I season this? How much is the right amount?”
“Can’t I just do it?”
“No, what I’m wondering is how much is the right amount. Is it 30g?”
“Don’t you feel the right feeling?”
“So what is that right feeling?”
“Can’t I just do it?”
The words go around and around. I can’t understand it even more. No, why not? Furthermore, Go Yohan was slumped in a chair, looking at my condition pitifully. That expression makes me even more angry.
“Jun-ah, cooking your own food is something only pathetic people do.”
“You just made the whole nation pathetic.”
“Listen carefully. Jun-ah. I have a lot of money. What should you do if you have a lot of money?”
“Save it.”
“Bullshit.”
“Diversify your investments.”
“No. You have to spend it. Our stupid Jun-ah, listen carefully? What you’re doing now is leading the country to ruin. People with a lot of money have to spend that money to keep the economy going. So stop it now. You’re a national traitor.”
“Is trying to cook a little something that will lead to national treason?”
“Rebellion always starts from the desire for stability in food, clothing, and shelter.”
“……”
Anyway, Go Yohan’s logic is still the same. And it’s still plausible. So I subtly changed the subject.
“I spent it. I contributed a lot to the consumer market.”
I clenched my unfair fist and scanned the food waste piled up on the sink. What I did wasn’t consumption? Is it art? I glared at Go Yohan with resentful eyes. Then Go Yohan covered his face with his palm and muttered openly.
“Oh, I’m going crazy. Really.”
Then Go Yohan peeled a tangerine while grinning. Late January. It’s a pretty good time for tangerines.
Even after the yellow peel fell off, the bright yellow tangerine segments didn’t go into Go Yohan’s mouth. Go Yohan’s right hand awkwardly removed the white part of the tangerine. His middle finger, which was floating in the air, trembled so carefully.
“Done.”
Go Yohan smiled brightly at the completely bright yellow tangerine and then pushed all the dirty ingredients away with one arm. With a crashing sound, the ingredients I had bought fell to the floor. A few strawberries burst on the floor. I was startled and closed my eyes, but I immediately opened them and silently stared at the fallen and crushed strawberries as if nothing had happened.
Go Yohan tapped the sink with his finger as if playing the piano. As if telling me to look at him. When I turned my gaze to Go Yohan, Go Yohan stretched his shoulders with a satisfied face. He made a sound by hitting the fingers that were tapping the sink.
“Don’t do useless things and eat tangerines.”
A long index finger with protruding joints pointed to the tangerine.
“I’m going to get out of here, the uninvited guest.”
And Go Yohan left without cleaning up the fallen ingredients. I heard the sound of the front door closing and slowly reached out and grabbed the tangerine in front of me. The tangerine, which I put in my mouth as if chewing an apple, tasted sweet. Like a tangerine harvested in late winter.
“He doesn’t even know I was going to make him a cake. You fucking bastard.”
The sweet tangerine lingered in my mouth. I stopped chewing the tangerine and pouted. Then I bent down and took out a small paper bag hidden in the cabinet under the sink. There was a small box inside. I’m glad I didn’t get caught. I smiled slyly and put the remaining tangerine in my mouth.
At the same time, the doorbell rang.
“I’m sorry. I accidentally pushed it over.”
“No.”
“I was going to clean it up before you came.”
“It’s okay, just call me if you need anything. I’ll do anything.”
“……No, it’s okay.”
Did Go Yohan intend it? Pushing all the ingredients under the sink must have been because he knew that today was the day the Auntie came.
Side dishes piled up in the empty refrigerator, and the inside of the house was cleaned. There’s nothing in the first place, so there’s no way it can get messy, but surprisingly, Auntie clearly cleaned the house, which can’t get messy, even cleaner than before.
The gentle breeze that comes in and the quiet morning before the sun has fully risen tickled me. The calm atmosphere I feel after waking up from a late sleep. Of course, the loud vacuum cleaner sound too.
I sat in a dining chair and chose one of the few tomatoes that were still alive and chewed it in one bite.
The kitchen was quickly cleaned. The trash that had been scattered around the floor disappeared. As expected, a pro is different. I admired inwardly and sucked the juice flowing out of the strawberry. The overflowing liquid flowed down my finger and formed a large drop on my wrist. I lightly lowered my eyelids and licked the liquid on my wrist.
It’s an ordinary daily life, but there are times when tension comes from that daily life. It’s when Auntie opens the door to the room where Go Yohan stays. There’s nothing to be caught doing, but I always end up glancing at her as if I’ve done something wrong.
I sometimes feel despair that I have to do this, but I can’t help it because my parents would be suspicious if I tried to solve everything by myself. I can only desperately wait for the vacuum cleaner to turn off.
Even if I’m looking at the laptop on the table, my mind is still in Go Yohan’s room.
GoOO is bad.
※But he’s sometimes kind to me. Only to me. Sometimes.
Isn’t this self-consolation?
I flinched at the thought that came to mind after reading the report. The fact that Go Yohan is a bad guy from the beginning is a truth that everyone who knows Go Yohan acknowledges.
Go Yohan must have been a demon from birth. For such Go Yohan, being born into a family that loves Jesus was an unfortunate thing. Life under the protection of the Lord would have been a more cruel treatment for Go Yohan than the fire pit of hell. Rather, Go Yohan might have sweetly drunk the sulfur fire of hell.
※Estimated to be his original personality.
But my self-consolation didn’t end there. The reason Go Yohan was born as a demon is because his Father is a demon. Go Yohan has no sin other than being born with the blood of a demon. It’s not a sin to resemble Father.
Oh, then Go Yohan’s Father must have resembled his Father, so it’s not a sin.
“Huh?”
Come to think of it, that’s right. I couldn’t continue thinking because I was blocked by my own logic. Even when Auntie turned off the vacuum cleaner and came out of Go Yohan’s room, and even when she finished cleaning everything and prepared my lunch, I had to sit in the dining chair and devise another logic to break down my logic.
The conclusion ended in failure. I saw Auntie standing still in front of me after finishing cooking.
“Ah, I’m sorry. I was thinking about something for my assignment.”
“That’s, the president asked for a health food.”
“Health food?”
“Yes. Samgyetang.”
Ah, samgyetang is too heavy to eat. I’m also full. Nevertheless, I knew why she made me health food, so I couldn’t bring myself to say I didn’t like it and just smiled.
“Thank you.”
“No.”
“Please give me a little less. I don’t think I can eat a lot.”
“Yes.”
I’ll clean up after you’re done eating. Auntie never said the words that ordinary people add. After putting the white broth and plump chicken leg in front of me, she just looked around the house and looked for things to do to finish up. I carefully drank the steaming broth. She’s a good cook.
How does one become good at cooking, anyway? How do experts figure out the right amount? Adding a little at a time to increase the amount would make it impossible to finish cooking on time, wouldn’t it? Then the broth would evaporate or the food would burn.
I was so curious that I stopped drinking the broth and peeked at Auntie’s back. Auntie looked around my room again and suddenly said to herself, “I see.”
What does she see? As soon as I felt something was off, Auntie went into my room and came out, carrying a large bowl. Inside, there was a mountain of bright yellow tangerines, all with their white peels removed.
“What’s that?”
“It was on your desk.”
It was on your desk— Hearing that, I put the meat between my chopsticks into my mouth. I couldn’t keep holding it. I chewed on the meat in my mouth and looked at the mountain of tangerines. Why is that in my room?
While I was chewing, Auntie ran her hand over the tangerines, examining them closely.
“Should I buy you more tangerines?”
After swallowing the small amount of food, I replied,
“No, I can order them if I want to eat them. Why?”
“Because I thought you wanted to eat them.”
“Me?”
“Yes.”
“……Why?”
‘Why’ asked twice. As if I were a seven-year-old. I guess I’ve become more curious because Auntie never asks questions. At my question, Auntie put the tangerines on the sink and said,
“Because the albedo is all peeled off.”
I rolled my eyes. Albedo? I don’t know what that word means. I must have frowned, because Auntie looked at me and rubbed my forehead. Oops. I released the tension on my forehead. Seeing my relaxed expression, Auntie took out plastic wrap from the cupboard, which I didn’t even know was there, and said,
“Jun-i doesn’t eat the white part of the tangerine well, does he?”
“Did I?”
Did I? Well, I don’t eat tangerines often, so I wouldn’t know if I disliked the white part. It’s not that I dislike the taste of tangerines. Then did I really not eat them because it was a hassle? Isn’t the premise wrong from the start? I don’t think we had tangerines at home often. By the way, the albedo was the white part. It had a name.
The plastic wrap was torn. The stretched transparent plastic was placed over the peeled tangerines. I forgot about eating and watched the scene. But aren’t you going to answer my question?
“Yes.”
She answered. I drank water, feeling embarrassed.
It’s definitely better to be less talkative than more talkative. However, this Auntie was on the less talkative side. She works as a live-in housekeeper, but there’s no one in the house she lives in.
Suddenly, I had a question. Doesn’t this person’s mouth get dry? Doesn’t she have anything she wants to say? It’s not something I would have been curious about before. It’s all because I don’t have any friends. It feels like the glucose going to my brain is just playing around since there’s nothing to use it for.
I stirred the meat in the samgyetang and said something impulsive. It was really unplanned.
“Auntie, aren’t you bored? There’s no one at home.”
Oops. I thought I made a mistake even after saying it. Damn it. What kind of talking habit is that?
I tend to be weak towards adults. When I make the same mistake, I feel more guilty towards adults than my peers. Thanks to that, I completely lost my appetite.
Fortunately, Auntie quickly responded to my mumbling.
“It’s just like that.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No.”
“I was a bit rude.”
“It’s okay.”
Even if she said it was okay, I couldn’t relax. After all, I’m the employer and Auntie is the employee. Because I’ve lived my whole life being conscious of others, I also had a habit of not taking the other person’s words at face value.
In the silence, only the sound of the spoon hitting the bowl could be heard. I just kept scooping up the broth and letting it spill again. Auntie silently wiped the sink with a dishcloth for a long time, then suddenly opened her mouth.
“Jun-i is really kind.”
“……Me?”
“Yes.”
I’m hearing that again. That’s not true at all. I somehow smiled uncomfortably.
“I’m not really.”
“The people who hire don’t know, but the local employees are close to each other.”
“Ah, yes.”
That’s a relief. Should I say that? I had such thoughts for a moment. Auntie’s indifferent tone continued with an awkward pause. It seemed like a sigh was mixed in. Is it just my imagination?
“I was close to the Auntie next door too.”
“……Next door?”
“She was fired last week, though.”
“……”
“She worked hard all this time.”
I closed my mouth at the pouring discomfort and scratched my head in embarrassment. The suyuk and samgyetang seemed like Auntie’s silent protest. Then I went back over Auntie’s words.
Next door, isn’t that Go Yohan’s house? The embarrassment disappeared and curiosity arose. The impulse I had earlier was very small. I put down the spoon and asked,
“Next door?”
“The student next door who often comes to your house.”
“……”
My hand stopped abruptly. A silence greater than silence came. It was a silence that occurred in my head. My thoughts completely stopped. With a blank mind, I looked at the samgyetang, which had lost some of its steam. Why is that story coming out now?
Auntie scrubbed the sink. Before I knew it, the sink was clean without a single water stain. It’s going to get dirty again if I wash the dishes I’m eating now.
As soon as I had that thought, I knew. Auntie is also organizing her thoughts now.
“I only heard it by chance.”
Scrub, scrub. Light reflected off the gray iron plate.
The tip of the chopstick trembled slightly. No, I was trembling.
The faucet was turned on. Auntie washed the dishcloth in lukewarm water. Because it was her back, I couldn’t see what kind of face she was making. Probably expressionless. Like usual. But Auntie’s answer was a little slower than usual.
“That house’s housekeeper worked for 20 years. In that house.”
“Ah, ……yes.”
“She’s old.”
She was fired. Those words didn’t continue. And Auntie turned around and looked at me. Her calm eyes seemed to be asking me. Will I get fired when I get old too? Or maybe she was checking how much I ate. Because that’s always been the case.
I swallowed hard, like someone who was caught red-handed. It was because I knew well the intentions of my parents, which had changed since I entered university and started living on my own.
Auntie turned back and continued washing the dishcloth.
“She received a generous severance pay, but the three siblings in that house were practically raised by her.”
“……Ah.”
“So.”
The faucet was turned off. The dishcloth was wrung out. Every time the rubber gloves moved, the unique sound of rubber and the sound of water droplets splashing under the sink filled the kitchen. Auntie, who had dried her hands, said,
“So I heard. Since she’s quitting anyway.”
“Ah, yes.”
“From th-that house.”
Scrub, scrub. The hand in the rubber glove swept the sink. Was it that person that Auntie invited to the house without permission? What’s the motive for telling me this? I also poked at the cooling meat with my chopsticks. As expected, the answer was late again.
“The second child in that house was originally very smart.”
My ears perked up. A lush forest bloomed in my blank mind. As soon as I heard the word ‘second child,’ my body reacted. My mouth became parched. I clenched my pants with my hand under the table.
“Really?”
“It was when he was in the second year of middle school. He had aftereffects from an accident that happened then, so his concentration dropped a lot.”
Accident? A whirlwind blew through the lush forest. I’m hearing this for the first time. I looked up at Auntie. Auntie was looking out the window attached to the kitchen with her hands on the sink.
“The family all knows it as an accident, but the Auntie who raised that student said.”
“……Said what?”
“It wasn’t an accident.”
“……”
“The chairman of that house smashed the second son’s head with a glass trophy in the middle of the night.”
“What?”
“He smashed the second son’s he-ead with the trophy plaque part.”
Auntie repeated it twice. It was an action to let me know again that I didn’t hear it. But it’s not that I didn’t hear it. I barely put the chopsticks on the table with my hands trembling uncontrollably. I made a constant effort to avoid revealing my agitation with the chopsticks hitting the bowl.
“The Auntie sent him to the emergency room in the middle of the night. She couldn’t tell anyone because she was afraid of getting fired.”
“……”
My head became heavy. It was as if I was drowning in a tank full of water, and I felt suffocated. In addition, the truth that I never thought I would hear was strangling my neck, making me confused.
“She lied to the madam that he had fallen down the stairs. The family thinks that the second son committed the foolish act of falling down the stairs that day. The second son forgot his memories every day for a week after that, and even forgot that he was hit with a trophy. So, only the chairman and the Auntie know about that. After that, his concentration dropped extremely. He also failed the college entrance exam.”
There are no secrets in the world, and the truth is revealed at unexpected times and places. It was exactly like that.
“……Why? Why did he do that?”
The rubber gloves full of water tapped the sink.
“Well. But.”
But? I wet my lips anxiously. If it ended with ‘but,’ it meant there was something to add. I was desperately waiting for those words. Scratching the table with my fingernails.
“The Auntie thinks……”
The sound of swallowing echoed in my ears. I wiped my damp palms on my pants. The food in front of me was already cold, but I had long forgotten about the food I was going to eat. I was only eagerly waiting for Auntie’s next words.
“It was just bad luck that day.”
“Yes?”
It was an empty word. The heart that had been worried about what great things had happened collapsed like a crumbling tower. He just did it because he was unlucky. It’s absurd. All the tension was gone.
“That father is really amazing. Someone said that father loves his second child the most.”
“Ah.”
Auntie nodded to herself. I still couldn’t see her face, so I couldn’t see her expression. But I was sure that the nod was positive. The tension returned. You never know. Maybe the day has finally come to hear a third party’s opinion. Auntie, who was nodding, gave a really surprising opinion.
“Maybe so.”
“……I don’t think so.”
Originally, it was a question to say, ‘Really?’ I was clearly aware that it was strange to pretend to know here. However, I wanted to refute it. Even at my own risk, I wanted to throw out, ‘There must be a reason for Go Yohan’s complex.’
But Auntie shattered my expectations mercilessly.
“No. The Auntie in that house said that the second child is most likely to inherit the company. She said that the reason they moved here was because of the second child, and that the chairman was originally the second child. He took the management rights from his older brother…… So he doesn’t like the first child very much……”
“……”
“She said that he told the first child outright that he had no intention of handing over the company to him. It’s unconditionally the second child’s.”
“He said those words……”
“When the first child first entered middle school. During dinner with the whole family.”
“He beats that second child with a trophy?”
The words have to make sense. Heat rose to the top of my head.
“What a piece of trash.”
At least in my eyes, it’s not. The father in this house is a psycho who is addicted to pushing his children to their limits like racehorses.
“He used to do that often. Whether it was sleepwalking or something, he would cover his face with a pillow in the middle of the night. He hasn’t been able to do that since middle school, though.”
But the words I had to hear to deny it weren’t these. I ended up hearing words that were more insane than I had imagined.
“With a pillow, what……”
“It was the Auntie’s job to take the second child to the emergency room when he fainted. She said it looked like he was venting his stress on his son. It wasn’t often. Very, very occasionally. It was as if he was identifying with him because he looked too much like himself. That’s what she said.”
“What are you talking about…… No, isn’t she lying?”
“That’s what people usually think. After all, she’s in a position where she was fired.”
Auntie took off her rubber gloves. And she opened the kitchen window. Her roughly tied black hair fluttered in the wind. I still couldn’t see her expression.
“Not everything is true, right?”
“……”
“But that Auntie liked me a lot.”
I wanted to believe it was a lie. To be exact, I didn’t want to believe that Go Yohan had experienced such a thing. It was so out of character for that arrogant and great Go Yohan to have such a past.
But deep down in my heart, I was convinced that the seed that sprouted Go Yohan’s cruel nature was right here. Go Yohan really did resemble his father. Terribly.
“Don’t take it too seriously.”
Why? Why did that person treat Go Yohan like that? I couldn’t understand it with my values. What’s wrong with that house……
“……”
I gave strength to my fingers until my fingernails were embedded, and suddenly realized who was in front of me and came to my senses. But why is she telling me this now? A chilling question arose, and I raised my head, which I had lowered while immersed in thought.
“Ah.”
Auntie had already turned around and was cleaning up the dishes. The expression I had wanted to see so much didn’t contain any emotion. Expressionless. The face she always showed. I looked at that face and made a belated recovery. I acted as if it had nothing to do with me.
“But why are you telling me this?”
I leaned back in my chair. Look. I’m fine. I expressed these words with my body. My head felt like it was about to explode, and my heart was beating like someone who had run a hundred meters.
Auntie glanced at me and said indifferently.
“Because we live together. With that student.”
“……Yes?”
“And this in the main house’s room.”
Auntie took out a cell phone from her apron pocket. It was the one I used to use. Why this?
“You said it was broken back then, but it actually turns on sometimes.”
“……”
“He’ll be here soon. I kept it because I was afraid he’d find out.”
“……Yes?”
“Sometimes when you’re not home, he searches your room.”
What did I just hear? What. Uh. My head was spinning and I searched for the remaining memories. One of the passing memories suddenly came to mind. Unsettling feelings are usually right.
The only day Auntie didn’t come. The morning when I suddenly heard the sound of the front door closing.
No way, no way, no way, no way……
No. No way. I denied it, scratching the corner of the table with my fingernails. My denial caused a desperate struggle. I smiled as brightly as possible and made eye contact with Auntie.
“You must be misunderstanding, it’s not. No, it’s true. I have a girlfriend. I bring her home often.”
But Auntie looked at me once and pointed to the dishes and said,
“Are you done eating?”
“I’m done eating. I’m done eating. You, you know it’s not. And that friend doesn’t live with me either. Maybe you mistook her for someone who came to visit.”
“Yes.”
It was an uneasy and concise answer. Her wrinkled hand took the bowl. It would look suspicious if I said more here. It would look like I’m anxious. I knew I shouldn’t say anything, but my mouth was itchy. I wanted to make excuses. It’s even more maddening because she’s agreeing so easily. It’s obvious she doesn’t believe me. Damn it.
Even I thought it was a pathetic lie. Knowing that made my eyes burn even more. I felt like I was standing in a dead-end alley.
The food I couldn’t eat was thrown away in front of my eyes, and the dishes were washed. The sink, which had just been cleaned, was cleaned again. Auntie wiped the wiped area several times and then wiped the faucet for a long time. I lowered my head deeply, afraid that Auntie would turn around and look at my face. I felt like I was about to burst into tears. I didn’t know that hardship would come so quickly.
“……Actually, I used to, I came on weekends. To give you side dishes…… A little early.”
“……”
“I’m sorry.”
What I heard after the words that were wiped tightly was Auntie’s apology. Surprisingly, it was the only word among the blunt words that Auntie had given me that contained emotion. Before I could grasp the meaning of those words, my sadness burst out.
After that, Auntie didn’t say anything. No, she only said one thing.
“Because no one knows except me.”
That Wirone or Tongbon. Sorrow bursts out even more. I tried my best to strain my neck, at least not to make a sound. Tears I couldn’t wipe with my hands dripped under the table.
Even in the midst of all that, I could steadily hear the sounds of the kitchen being tidied up.
I was the only one sitting at the table, bawling. If I get up, they’ll know I cried. No, they probably already know.
“…You’re not going to tell my parents, are you?”
Since I’d already been caught, I had to get a definite answer. I lifted my face, which was blurry with tears, and asked desperately. Auntie didn’t look at me. I wonder if this is also consideration.
She opened the refrigerator, which no longer needed tidying, and kept staring at it until the warning sound went off, then Auntie said this.
“I want to work here for a long time.”
“Are you saying I should stop my parents from firing you?”
“No.”
Beep, beep, beep-. The noisy sound filled the kitchen. Thanks to that, my voice, shaking like an idiot, was drowned out.
“I just meant don’t worry.”
With those words, Auntie closed the refrigerator. And as always, she went to the living room and picked up the small bag she had put down. It meant she was going back to my parents’ house.
I couldn’t even bring myself to see Auntie off and hurriedly hid my face. Auntie picked up her bag as usual and left, only saying, “Then text me if you want anything to eat.”
The text came exactly 10 minutes later.
「I’m sorry. Really. That Auntie told me what the student next door likes to eat. Ask me if you’re curious. It’s late, but Happy New Year. Student.」
I couldn’t read the text to the end. It was because tears poured down like a torrential rain. After experiencing many things, I saw Auntie’s personality that she had built up and was convinced. Auntie had made a kind threat, and as long as I acted quickly, she really hadn’t told anyone, and she was someone who wouldn’t tell anyone in the future.
“Shit, it was obvious I’d get caught.”
I was acting so suspiciously. I just thought she was an easygoing person who wasn’t interested in worldly affairs. I should have known that it didn’t make sense for such a person to choose a job managing a house. It was my arrogance.
I roughly rubbed my cheeks with my wrist. Strangely enough, after receiving the text, my head felt lighter. Honestly, now that I’ve met Go Yohan, I knew I’d get caught someday, didn’t I? I’ve just taken another step on the path I have to walk. The worry hasn’t gone away, but it’s better than experiencing something I thought would never happen. At least I expected this to happen someday.
“Kang Jun, you complacent bastard.”
I wiped my eyes harder with my wrist. And I stared blankly at the turned-off laptop.
GoOO is bad.
※But he’s kind to me sometimes. Only to me. Sometimes.
※I guess that’s just his personality.
Do I want to be thinking about this even in this situation? But the desire to escape from the world of suddenly rushing reality is how strange thoughts bloom. So I pressed an imaginary backspace on the data on the turned-off screen.
GoOO often does bad things.
※The observer guesses that he doesn’t know the level of the prank well. He may not realize that he’s doing something bad.
※It’s because his family is weird.
“Go Yohan, you poor son of a bitch.”
Leaving the tears still dripping, I looked at the text that was still on my phone. Thinking about it in my own way, it wasn’t a bad thing. Auntie and my relationship was that of a subordinate and a superior. So that’s why she made such a low-key threat. I don’t know what she heard from my parents.
Yeah, I was lucky except for love. I lightly wiped the tears on my chin with my fingertips, then pressed down hard on the keyboard.
The first thing I sent was a reply to Auntie’s text.
「Do you like seafood?」
And after wiping my nose, I pressed down hard on the text to my parents.
「I’m doing well. Mom. Auntie packed me some side dishes, and they were really delicious. She’s the best of the people who have worked at our house. Don’t worry too much because Auntie is taking good care of me. Come safely.」
Send. Send. Send. After pressing it violently three times. I threw the phone near the laptop. The phone screen, which had slid near the laptop, shone brightly.
「He’s slightly allergic to shellfish. The chairman of that house likes seafood.」
“……”
The brightly lit phone turned off again. And it turned on again a few seconds later.
「I’m really sorry.」
I stared blankly at the phone until the screen turned off, then collapsed on the table. The tears didn’t dry. But I didn’t rub them with my hands. I didn’t want Yohan to know I cried.
Idiot.
When I woke up, it was 8 p.m. Right now, it’s 8 p.m. January 30th. 8 p.m.
I’m an idiot for thinking about cooking something for Go Yohan. Go Yohan, who has more money than me, would say something like, ‘I could just buy it with my own money. You’re poorer than me.’ no matter what I gave him. In the end, I didn’t do anything for him.
“I’m screwed.”
My throat was parched. It was because I had cried so much. I gently raised my hand and pressed my eyes. They’re swollen. Even in the midst of all that, I was relieved that I could make the excuse that I had been sleeping.
“Yeah, you screwed up.”
I stopped breathing in an instant. A cold voice stabbed the back of my head. I hadn’t done anything wrong, but cold sweat broke out. I creaked and turned my body, which had been lying down in the direction of the window.
There, leaning against the bed frame, was Go Yohan, with a cake box on his lap, coldly staring at the cake. And a strange cone hat on Go Yohan’s head too. A cone hat with sparkling silver fur.
“What’s with that look?”
“It’s a party to celebrate my birthday.”
“……”
“Of course, it’s ruined.”
The straw toy in Yohan’s mouth made a strange noise as it lengthened and returned. I didn’t know where to put my eyes and got up in an awkward posture. Poo-oo. Yohan blew the straw toy again. The clumsy toy under his glamorous features didn’t suit him at all.
I fidgeted with my fingers, then raised my hand and grabbed the straw that Yohan was biting. And I pulled it with a little force. Yohan’s lips stuck to the straw and stretched out before coming off with a light sound.
Thanks to that, Yohan’s freed mouth opened as he pleased.
“Why did you do that?”
I had a reason. But I couldn’t bring myself to open my mouth and say it. My voice was too hoarse. But I wanted to ask too. Why he was in that state on my birthday.
“Why did you ruin my romance?”
So that’s what it was. I cleared my throat loudly and carefully made a sound.
“Sorry.”
“Is ‘sorry’ all you have to say?”
“No, there was a reason.”
“Yeah, so sorry for celebrating.”
No. That’s not it. The conversation is going strangely again. I squinted and assessed the situation. Yohan twitched one eyebrow and took off the suspicious cone hat. I still watched Yohan’s actions with squinted eyes.
Yohan confidently met my eyes and very naturally put the cone hat on my head. It was so natural that I couldn’t even find a chance to stop him. Only after a few seconds did I hurriedly grab the hat and pull it down. At the same time, I was hit in the chin by the elastic band that snapped and fell onto the blanket.
“Ah, ouch.”
“I didn’t put it on you to make you laugh.”
Yohan said in an absurd voice. I didn’t do it to make him laugh either.
Sleep still hadn’t left my head. I was intoxicated by the sensation of a large air bubble filling my empty head instead of my brain. A sky mixed with navy blue and orange rose onto the blanket.
Today is Yohan’s birthday, and the weather is beautiful, but my mood is depressed. So I didn’t react to Yohan’s words. I wasn’t the type to react much in the first place.
Should I say it? Should I not say it? Hesitation floated around in the air bubble. Finally, I chose an answer. Let’s not say it. The reason for the answer was in Yohan. To be exact, it was in Yohan, who was scratching the elastic band that was stuck to my chin and playing with it.
Why should I give him something to worry about? The matter with Auntie is a homework assignment that I have to carry anyway.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.”
I just left those words of apology. Yohan, who saw my expression, made a slightly puzzled expression, then stroked the back of my head with his big hand. It was such an unfitting thing to do.
“A few days ago? I was sleeping soundly.”
“Yeah.”
“A revelation came down.”
Yohan took a strange pose, holding one hand up and lowering one shoulder. I asked for no reason.
“Have you finally gone crazy?”
“Bring bread and bless it, then distribute it to the twenty boys, and prepare the meat as you wish. Then the rainbow will be in the clouds, and I will see it and remember the eternal covenant made between the earth and all living things with blood.”
A Bible tone. A tone that can be heard in any cathedral. Unsettling words were listed that seemed to require the phrase ‘Lord Jesus Christ’ to be attached to the end. But Yohan’s face, who recited a long passage covered in sacred words, was hardly sacred, but rather no different from an infidel committing religious blasphemy.
A glamorous face resembling a snake smiles, offering an apple. Yohan’s words and actions were like a tempting apple.
“Don’t say things like that. It’s weird.”
“Three days passed between interpreting whether the twenty boys were twenty boys or a twenty-year-old boy. It was too difficult. Religion is difficult after all.”
“Are you seriously saying that now, or is it a joke?”
“It’s a lie. You idiot, do you believe this?”
Paha. A clear wind burst from Yohan’s mouth. Before I knew it, the cake that Yohan had brought was lying upside down on the bed in its box. It must have been all crushed. But Yohan, who had prepared the cake, didn’t care at all whether the cake was crushed or not.
In the darkening room, Yohan picked up the straw whistle that had fallen somewhere on the bed. Then he put it on his finger as if he were smoking a cigarette and blew air as if he were exhaling smoke. Poo-oo-. The face making the loud noise was quieter and cooler than anyone else. The swollen straw hit my cheek, and I reflexively closed my eyes.
Yohan dropped the straw whistle by simply opening his lips without using his hands. In the world seen with slightly opened eyes, Yohan bit his lip slightly and wrinkled one nose.
“You ruined the cake because of you.”
“Why is it because of me?”
“Just because.”
He’s so selfish. I lifted my eyelids, which had been slightly lowered. It was that moment. Yohan stretched out both arms forward, supported himself on the blanket, and brought that gloomy face close to my eyes.
“Do you need a present?”
“Should I be receiving it? You should be receiving it.”
“I don’t really want anything. I want to give it to you.”
“……Why?”
“I couldn’t take care of your birthday. I was out of it, and I was a little… like that too.”
How many people can really get used to Yohan’s irregularity? This confusing way of speaking was Yohan’s worst habit and greatest talent. Sometimes people are drawn to beings they can’t understand at all to the point where they want to give their lives. Like the universe.
“Originally, Catholic baptismal names use the name of the saint who was born on my birthday.”
“Yeah.”
“You make a name that you’ll use for the rest of your life in honor of that saint.”
“……Really?”
“But I can’t name my baptismal name Kang Jun.”
“……”
“I’m going to give you my birthday.”
Come to think of it, Yohan’s eyes resembled the universe. A black core swirling around with a faint gas around it. Well, Yohan is like a planet made of gas. It’s so huge that I want to approach it, but the moment I approach it, I’m drawn in by the enormous gravity and sucked into a place where there’s no ground to stand on. Saturn, which melts and kills living things, was in Yohan’s eyes.
I swallowed, looking at myself faintly reflected in Yohan’s eyes.
“Then did you prepare a present for me?”
“Do you want it?”
“No.”
Whether there’s a present or not, it doesn’t matter much to me. It was clear that Yohan had prepared a present for me, but I deliberately popped out of Yohan’s conversation. Judging by how sore my mouth is, I must be smiling.
There’s no special reason. I just want to tease Yohan too. With a pure heart. That was all. In addition, words that a good child would say flowed out of my mouth.
“Why would I receive a present from you? I’m so shameless. I couldn’t even prepare for your birthday properly. Someone like me should die. I don’t deserve to meet you.”
“Hmm.”
Yohan nodded at my words. His posture was like a dog standing up. It was really like a dog, so I was a little uncomfortable. It wasn’t a human posture, but a dog’s posture. I grabbed Yohan’s shoulder and gently pushed him up and continued.
“So don’t worry about me. I won’t receive a present and I’ll reflect.”
“Aha.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Jun-ah.”
“Yeah?”
“Do you want to die?”
“……”
Yohan, who had been pushed away as I pushed him, frowned and said.
“Just say you’ll take it when I’m being nice.”
“If your friends knew you were like this, they’d be horrified and run away.”
“What? Whether they run away or not.”
“I really don’t know why a guy like you is so popular.”
“Why don’t you know? They like me because I’m rich and handsome.”
“……”
What should I do with this guy?
In the midst of clenching my fist slightly, Yohan, who was kneeling on the bed, whispered softly.
“But I don’t think I’m that popular?”
“What are you talking about.”
I’m sorry, but I can’t agree with the words that I’m not because I’ve heard things. I just gave him a playful scolding with a faint smile that wouldn’t be noticed. At that, Yohan turned his body to the side and made a face that he didn’t like something.
“It’s true. I really wasn’t popular.”
“Yohan, stop lying.”
“Ah, I’m so wronged. I was everyone’s boyfriend in middle school.”
“Hey, what did you just say?”
Suddenly, the string of reason snapped.
What the hell is Yohan saying now? I felt dazed as if I had been slapped out of nowhere. Are the words he just said appropriate for me to hear? I definitely don’t think so. The pain of a needle pricking my temple came.
Leaving me, who was quite embarrassed, aside, Yohan only chuckled at my attitude and said.
“When the girls passed by, I was always the one in charge of saying, ‘Hey. Your boyfriend is passing by over there.'”
“You’re just saying whatever comes to mind because you think I don’t know.”
“I’m telling you the truth. I definitely heard ‘Do you want to die? He’s your boyfriend?’ after that too.”
Lies. It’s definitely a lie, but Yohan’s expression was as clear and transparent as someone who doesn’t know how to lie. So I can’t help but be confused. It’s unlikely, but I’ve never heard such a rumor, but if, for example, it could be true.
I hesitated and asked carefully.
“Yohan, were you severely obese in middle school?”
“Jun-ah, I’ve never lived an ugly life.”
“Then why?”
“I don’t know? Maybe it’s because my personality is trash. I had a terrible adolescence for three years.”
“……”
Well… Yohan’s adolescence… doesn’t seem to be over yet…
But Yohan seems to think the opposite of what I think. He was giving a faint smile and patting his chest as if he had grown up. He was even humming a tune, as if he was so pleased with something.
“I got beat up a lot in middle school, and I became a lot quieter when I went to high school. I came to my senses.”
“You got beat up?”
At the sudden remark, my body reflexively leaned towards Yohan.
“You got beat up?”
The first words I heard disappeared into the air as if scattered by the wind, and only the last words I heard remained in my head. Yohan’s fingers, which had been stroking near his neck, stopped abruptly for a moment. And he looked at me and laughed even louder, then said nonchalantly.
“Don’t make a fuss. I got beat up with hot kisses. As a lovely son.”
Yohan repeated the act of blowing kisses on his palm into the air. It’s nonsense, and those words are definitely a lie. I was a little shocked and trembled my lips, but soon trembled because of the rising heat. My clenched fists were filled with sweat. I was so angry that I couldn’t control myself.
So it was true.
I often remember Yohan acting like a dog trained by his father. ‘Yohan in the days when he wasn’t popular’ is a phrase with incorrect sentence components. The subject ‘Yohan’ can never be unpopular. Similarly, ‘Yohan’ and ‘fear’ can never be attached. Anyway, Yohan was the unprecedented madman who directly pulled out his healthy teeth with his bare hands just for the performance.
“Why are you being so serious?”
But Go Yohan was still grinning as he lay on the bed, as if nothing was wrong at all. I couldn’t shake my expression, and Go Yohan, who had been rubbing my ankle since some point, continued in a flat tone.
“Jun-ah, if I’m not worried about myself, why are you worried about me?”
“Of course. Because.”
“You know.”
Go Yohan cut me off, his face still cool and calm.
“I never lose.”
I’ve never lost. There’s no such thing as defeat in my life. I’m the kind of person who will achieve victory by any despicable means. His eyes, pale in color and feeling particularly cool, were saying that.
I swallowed and nodded, but at the same time, I retorted.
“But that-.”
Sometimes you have to admit facts you don’t want to admit. That’s the case with Go Yohan and Go Yohan’s Father. I still feel uneasy about seeing Go Yohan’s Father. I don’t think I resemble him, but coincidentally, our appearance, tone, voice, and even habits are similar, so there are times when the two of them overlap for a moment.
I wrapped my arms around my drawn-up knees. As a result, Go Yohan’s hand slipped off my ankle. I looked down at Go Yohan’s fingers, then looked up to meet Go Yohan’s eyes and said,
“Your Father.”
“Father?”
“Yeah.”
There are times when I understand why Go Rosa says Go Yohan is the most loved child. After all, parents are drawn to the child who resembles them the most. Like Go Yohan’s Father, who suppresses Go Yohan but ultimately doesn’t let him go.
“Your parents.”
Can the current Go Yohan overcome the Father who uses even the child who resembles him the most as a running racehorse? How? I still don’t have an answer. That’s why I ended up retorting out of worry.
But Go Yohan wasn’t anxious even after hearing my words, as if he was sure of something.
“That’s why I don’t lose.”
“On what basis?”
I asked because I was genuinely anxious and curious, but strangely, I ended up chuckling along with Go Yohan. He’s so sure of himself that it seems like there must be a plausible reason. Honestly, my ears perked up. I looked at Go Yohan with my ears open, and Go Yohan narrowed his eyes and smiled.
“Don’t you know? There’s a saying that parents can’t win against their children. Do you know what that means? It means I can never lose. Father started walking downhill in his life after deciding to have a child.”
Ironically, Go Yohan’s answer was always dogshit logic. His face, with its thin lines, quickly buried itself back into the blanket. I could see his eyes looking at me through the rustling blanket, and a smile that was truly confident.
“From the moment he gave birth to me, Father’s fate has been heading towards defeat.”
His shoulders, slumped on the bed, slowly heaved. His face, half-exposed on the blanket, was telling the reason. Go Yohan was laughing out loud.
“I’ll win no matter what.”
“You’re talking nonsense again.”
“You shouldn’t ignore the wisdom of our ancestors, Jun. It’s a saying left by the collective intelligence of a long history. Wouldn’t they be smarter than us?”
He really is good at talking crap. But strangely, I burst out laughing. Even I thought the silly laughter that escaped from my lips was absurd. I couldn’t believe that I was laughing at such nonsense, so I tried to cover my mouth with the back of my hand as if I wasn’t laughing, but it was no use.
Go Yohan, who had been lying down, looked at me and got up. It seemed that Go Yohan really liked the fact that I was laughing, as he started to chuckle along with me. The funny thing was that Go Yohan was also embarrassed.
“What’s so good that you’re grinning like that?”
Says you. He’s grinning too. I deliberately made a loud clearing sound and immediately erased the laughter.
“You get all serious right away just because I said something.”
“I’m not getting serious to make you read my face.”
“So scary……”
Go Yohan intentionally shrugged his shoulders. But because he was so broad, it didn’t feel like he was shrugging at all.
Even though he says that, he’s teasing me. When I think about Go Yohan from a few years ago, I wonder if this is even teasing, but sometimes I realize that the teasing Go Yohan gives me is ‘gentle teasing only for Kang Jun’. Like in his eyes, or when he subtly lets me win. Although he almost never lets me win completely.
So I often nag Go Yohan too. It was also stubbornness built on the pride that I can’t be the only one getting teased. I lightly punched Go Yohan’s arm with my fist, so weakly that it didn’t even make a sound.
“Go Yohan.”
“Yeah.”
“Go Yohan-.”
“Wha-at-.”
Look at him subtly copying me. I lightly hit Go Yohan’s arm again and said,
“I want to see your graduation photo.”
“See- huh? What?”
“What are you panicking about? I said I want to see your graduation photo.”
“You can just look at yours. You must have your high school graduation photo.”
“What’s the point of looking at the same face for three years straight? I mean, I want to see your middle school graduation photo.”
Go Yohan raised one eyebrow. I don’t even need to read his face to know now. Go Yohan is most honest when he’s dissatisfied like that. It’s obvious. He doesn’t want to show me his graduation photo.
“Why?”
“What?”
“Why do you want to see it?”
Well, why do I want to see it. It’s not like I’m a malicious person who would grab a child who doesn’t want to show it to me and force them to show it to me. I was going to think about it carefully, but if I thought too deeply, one side of my chest would tickle and I couldn’t stand it. I just stopped thinking and stretched my lips wide to the sides.
“I’m trying to see if you were fat or not in middle school.”
“You’re obsessing over something so trivial……”
Go Yohan openly scanned me up and down, then said with a suspicious look.
“Are you into pigs?”
“Why is that suddenly coming up?”
“Why else? I’m saying it because it’s suspicious. Your taste is so unique.”
“No- what, no, then what if I said I like people with some meat on their bones?”
“Then I’ll show it to you right away. Wait. I’ll find the guys who went to the same middle school as me and tell them to take a picture right away. Wait, I’ll get my phone.”
Go Yohan, who jumped up like a spring, opened the door and left the room before I could stop him. It happened in an instant. What just passed by? I stared blankly at the empty space, feeling bewildered.
“Was he serious?”
Go Yohan came back after more time had passed than I thought. But strangely, Go Yohan’s expression was a little triumphant. Like a dog who had done something wrong. And I looked at Go Yohan with the feeling of being a just-off-work owner looking at such a dog with fearful eyes.
Moreover, Go Yohan had nothing in his hands. He said he was going to get his phone. When I looked back and forth between Go Yohan’s hands and Go Yohan’s face, Go Yohan spread his empty hands wide and said confidently.
“I don’t have any friends to contact.”
“Look at you making excuses. You have a lot of friends, don’t you?”
“No. I’m an outcast.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“Actually, I just didn’t bring it.”
He’s changing his words again. I narrowed my eyes. Go Yohan, seeing my expression, brazenly raised his head and continued.
“I was afraid you’d dump me if I wasn’t a pig.”
“What bullshit……”
“It’s because I have a lover who only looks at appearance. What can I do.”
“You said you’d show it to me because I like fat people, didn’t you?”
“See!”
See what. Go Yohan gave an awkward chuckle, as if he knew this would happen.
“You really liked chubby piggies. If I showed it to you, I would have been dumped 100%.”
“I said that’s not true.”
“Sorry. Sorry that I’m so far removed from fat in my life.”
“I said that’s not true!”
“Ahem!”
Go Yohan scratched his throat and coughed lightly, but it was very artificial. I thought I saw the corners of his lips subtly rising in the middle before that. I frowned and stared intently at Go Yohan’s face, but the corners of his lips that I had seen earlier had disappeared like a mirage.
Go Yohan, who repeated a few more fake coughs, quickly lowered his head. I could definitely see his shoulders trembling. I narrowed my eyes even more and looked at Go Yohan. But Go Yohan, who raised his head, was a little teary-eyed.
At that moment, an enormous sense of guilt grabbed me and threw me down to the ground. Was he crying instead of laughing? I didn’t know what to do and got up from my seat and wandered around, and Go Yohan walked slowly towards me as he was and suddenly knelt down. And he grabbed my pants and begged.
“Jun-ah, please don’t dump me. I’ll eat five bowls of rice from today.”
“Hey, you’re teasing me right now, aren’t you.”
“What are you talking about. If you want, I’ll grill marshmallows and dip them in melted chocolate.”
“You’re teasing me, aren’t you!”
Ugh, really. Only then did I pull my leg back from Go Yohan’s grip. Go Yohan, who let go of my hand in response, gradually distorted his face, and soon sat down on the carpet and burst out laughing. I watched the scene and felt more and more ashamed, and my temperature rose.
“Ah, you’re so cute I could die.”
“……Hey, you really…….”
“Look at your face turning red. Crazy, so cute.”
Cute my ass, you son of a bitch. I clenched my fist tightly and trembled. Why does it seem like Go Yohan is getting more and more interested in teasing me?
“You didn’t have any intention of bringing it from the start, did you.”
“Of course not! What if you saw a younger and more handsome Go Yohan and dumped me because I’m old?”
“Do you think I’d feel that way about a middle schooler!”
“No way. I was handsome even in middle school. Of course you’d say I’m handsome, and if you said I was handsome when you saw me in middle school, I’d be so jealous I’d go crazy. So annoying. That young Go Yohan bastard.”
“You really seem crazy.”
“I’m serious. Don’t slander my sincerity.”
He was kneeling on the carpet and what he was saying was quite serious. Go Yohan really lowered his eyes and said in a lower voice than usual, as if grumbling. So, what Go Yohan said was really sincere.
It’s so childish and childish. I ignored the tingling fingertips and bit my lip.
“Don’t bite your lip.”
Go Yohan said nonchalantly after seeing that, while wiggling his hand while sitting down. It’s also a problem that I walked over to Go Yohan as if possessed and stood in front of him. It’s even more of a problem that I sat down when Go Yohan lowered his eyes and lowered his palm. Why am I doing this. I’m not an idiot.
But when I see Go Yohan’s eyes, which lack pigment, I can’t help but move as if possessed. I try to excuse it as an inevitable human instinct. In fact, Go Yohan is the most noticeable person wherever he goes.
“You’re very obedient.”
My expression naturally contorted. Go Yohan lightly burst out laughing and suddenly brought his face close to mine.
“What…….”
I took a deep breath, and couldn’t exhale. Eyes that were close to gray were closely examining my face. Our noses, which were tightly touching, brushed against the tip of my nose, and his exhaled breath touched my skin. I couldn’t even breathe.
“…….”
“Hmm.”
I deliberately came up with random thoughts to forget the huge presence in front of me.
Maybe Go Yohan has foreign blood flowing through him. And with very close blood ties. Otherwise, there’s no way he could have such eye color. His eyes, so mysterious and sometimes so cool, disappeared and reappeared as Go Yohan blinked. Finally, his face, which was tightly touching mine, fell away with a smile.
Just a hand span. Go Yohan, who had dropped his face just a hand span away, lightly tapped my cheek with his palm and said.
“Want to kiss?”
“…….”
“Let’s do it.”
At those words, I nodded with my mind blank.
“Okay, good thinking.”
Along with Go Yohan’s compliment, his elegant jawline was fully revealed in my vision. His long eyelashes, which slowly closed and slowly overlapped, his thin and white skin that showed all the blood vessels, and his thin and long eyes that made people feel strangely, also came close and then disappeared from my vision. The musk scent mixed with soap smell grabbed my shoulders and pressed down on my whole body. I felt a stuffy pressure and closed my eyes.
At that time, my eyelashes and Go Yohan’s eyelashes tickled each other.
“You’re ticklish.”
“Am I ticklish?”
I felt Go Yohan’s trembling on my lips. Now even my lips were ticklish. Go Yohan, who was lightly laughing, dug in deeper. I could hear the sound of wet flesh touching. The hands crossed between my legs wriggled. A warm and moist warmth covered my upper lip and then bit it slightly, just enough not to hurt.
Because I couldn’t see anything, I accepted the gentle intrusion with the feeling of enduring the night before the storm with just a Paper screen door, and the trembling that excited me in the storm rose to my thin skin. Go Yohan’s lips smiled and let out a cool breeze. The breeze caressed my lips and fueled my trembling.
My thin eyelids fluttered. Go Yohan, who was twisting his face and repeatedly biting and releasing my lips with his lips, smiled slightly.
“Don’t scratch me with your eyelashes either. It’s itchy.”
At that, I also opened my eyes. Was it ticklish. At the same time, embarrassment washed over me. Were we that close? I felt embarrassed and slightly pulled my head back. No, I was going to pull it back. I would have succeeded if it weren’t for Go Yohan, who blocked my neck from going back a little with his palm.
Like prey caught by the back of the neck, I widened my eyes, and thanks to that, I could see Go Yohan’s face approaching with his eyes closed. I also heard a small whisper saying, “Don’t do that either.”
Deliberately missing the kiss is Go Yohan’s malicious prank. When I touched my lips to the corner of Go Yohan’s lips, I opened my eyes slightly and asked.
“……Are you okay?”
Without answering, Go Yohan scratched my cheek slightly with the index finger of his right hand while holding the back of my neck with his left hand. It means to be quiet. He’s a complete dictator. But I, his poor people, have no choice but to shut up.
The hand that was scratching my cheek turned in the direction of the back of his hand. His smooth nails brushed down my cheek, and the hand that arrived near my heart turned back and lightly pressed my chest. It was a subtle pressure. I’m still a poor child who listens to his words well. I willingly followed his gesture and slowly lay down on the floor.
When my head touched the floor, Go Yohan knelt down and lay down with my body between his knees. Hair with a fresh scent barely touched my forehead. When those fine hairs barely touched each other, Go Yohan gently opened his eyes. His long eyelashes tickled my eyelids.
“Jun-ah, I’m going to give you a gift…….”
“Yeah.”
“Will you receive it and grant my wish? It’s a waste to just give you my birthday like that.”
“……Okay.”
It’s a strange reason, but I’ll grant you anything. It was an act committed out of the loveliness that bloomed in my depressed mood, and it was a secret I couldn’t bring myself to say.
Go Yohan, who received my love, put his right hand into the broken cake box.
“Ugh,”
My face, which had been brightly smiling, instantly contorted. Go Yohan, even while looking at my expression, raised one eyebrow and made a playful face.
“A broken hand went into a broken cake. Isn’t it fun?”
“It’s not fun.”
Go Yohan suddenly smiled at me.
“Ah, I washed my hands.”
“Okay.”
Yeah, I see. I nodded with my face still not relaxed. Go Yohan looked at me like that and smiled brightly until all his Canine Tooth were visible, then took out his hand covered in whipped cream. And he spread his palm in front of me. On the palm of his hand, which had relatively less whipped cream on it, was a bracelet that shone with a golden light.
“A bracelet?”
“No, an anklet. Stick out your foot.”
I blankly stretched out my foot while looking at Go Yohan’s gift. Meanwhile, Go Yohan put his thumb in his mouth and licked the white whipped cream. Then, after seeing my stretched-out leg, he smeared the whipped cream on his finger under my lips and said this.
“Jun-ah, lick it off.”
He already smeared it all over. I was so dumbfounded that I opened my mouth, and Go Yohan put his middle finger in through the gap. Surprisingly, I willingly put Go Yohan’s finger in my mouth. The intense sweetness melted my mind. My saliva-filled middle finger pressed down on my lower lip and came out. I licked the ring finger that came into my mouth before it could close again, and then I licked the pinky finger that came in next.
Even though the whipped cream had disappeared a long time ago, I was engrossed in sucking on Go Yohan’s broken fingers. My eyes glazed over from the sweetness, and I was excited that Go Yohan was the one who had smeared that sweetness on me. But Go Yohan quickly pulled out even his pinky finger. My tongue, which had been diligently swallowing Go Yohan, followed pitifully behind it.
Go Yohan, with a satisfied face after seeing my tongue greeting him, lightly ate the whipped cream on his index finger.
“Sorry for interrupting your concentration, but I’ll give you the gift and give you my fingers back.”
“…….”
“I didn’t know you’d like it this much.”
Go Yohan, who had bent down, untied the anklet. He knelt at my feet, lowering his body. The slender, cold metal wrapped around my ankle. Go Yohan brushed against my anklebone, and my toes twitched. After a few clicks, Go Yohan looked up. A bright smile that no one had ever seen greeted me like that.
“Pretty.”
“……Thanks.”
“The anklet I chose.”
“Yeah, thanks.”
At my reaction, Go Yohan squeezed his eyes shut and laughed silently. My gloomy heart strangely melted at that face. That’s right. Why worry about being caught when I’ll be found out anyway? There are guys who live life recklessly like Go Yohan.
I watched Go Yohan, who couldn’t stop laughing, and shook the gold anklet on my ankle.
“Look at pretty things here.”
“You didn’t do anything for me, but I take care of all this for you. Know you’ve got a good boyfriend. You trash.”
That remark felt a bit unfair to me. I was trying to prepare something too.
……Though I failed because of an unexpected hardship in life. I forced a smile, enduring the headache that still hadn’t left. Well, it wasn’t like I gained nothing at all.
“Yohan.”
“What.”
“Should I grill you sausages instead of cake?”
“Do you think I’m a preschooler?”
Go Yohan frowned. Then, he lightly moistened his dry lips before lowering his voice and asking.
“Vienna?”
Ha-. I couldn’t help but burst out laughing at the absurdity.
Right, I’ve already crossed the Sahara Desert. It’s only natural to encounter a sandstorm along the way. But I won’t walk backward like Osten Blue. Because I’ll have a camel.
I reached my arm back to watch my camel laughing at something not even funny. A gloomy smile formed on my lips. Even on a gloomy night, if we lean on each other, we’ll eventually reach Egypt someday. It’s better than drowning in a sandpit we can never escape. At least I have a camel. I didn’t want to die regretting not choosing Go Yohan back then.
Our eyes naturally met. As I felt once again, Go Yohan really looked like a snake.
Snakes have sex for four weeks straight, they say. Just like Go Yohan. Maybe the animal crossing the desert with me isn’t a camel but a snake? That makes sense.
The enigmatic Go Yohan strode across the bed and stood over me. I lifted my chin and naturally closed my eyes, and Go Yohan grabbed the bed frame with his hands and bent down. We both bumped our lips while still smiling. Laughter and breaths intertwined.
As if we had promised, Go Yohan and I tilted our heads. Go Yohan to the right, me to the left. Our noses didn’t bump. We opened our mouths and welcomed each other’s tongues. We didn’t even run out of breath.
Heavy sleep slowly flew away on the shallow breeze coming through the open window. My eyelids, as stiff as if they had been hit by a desert wind, opened. Feeling the bright light coming through the intertwined eyelashes, I thought indifferently that it must be morning.
“…….”
What was strange was that I even felt a sense of alienation. At first, it felt like my lower abdomen was being pressed down uncomfortably, but as my hazy mind became clearer, the pressure also became more distinct.
I rubbed my face against the pillow to wake up. The ends of my disheveled hair tickled my dry skin, and at that moment, an unfamiliar heat heavily touched the back of my head. Huh. While blankly blinking, I heard the sound of low breaths spreading at a constant rhythm.
My mind returns at strange moments every time. Just like now.
“……What is it.”
With eyes wide open, I scanned the room. I lay on the pillow and quickly retraced my memories.
So, it was evening. It was evening, and Go Yohan and I, who had been kissing until our lips were chapped, suddenly bought a can of beer and a crushed piece of cake at the convenience store. I think we impulsively bought a few packs of frozen Vienna sausages too. I just suddenly wanted to. I wasn’t in my right mind from then on.
And we came home and poured beer into dusty wine glasses that were stashed away somewhere.
……I don’t remember after that.
“Ugh, ah!”
As I tried to get up, my lower abdomen was pressed down hard, so I let out a groan and collapsed to the side. It wasn’t even getting up, it was just my upper body lifting up. At the same time, I also noticed the unfamiliar heat.
“Damn it.”
I quietly chewed on my lips and carefully pulled back the blanket.
A back pressed tightly against my back, an arm across my side, large hands crammed into my underwear. He couldn’t even fit all of them in my underwear, so the three fingers on the right end weren’t even inside.
The sound of breathing, which I couldn’t even hear when I woke up, roared behind my ears like thunder.
Crazy, why is this bastard sleeping with his hand in here?
I tried to push Go Yohan away, but I soon gave up without even trying. Because my lower body, which had risen vigorously with the morning energy, was subtly caught on Go Yohan’s thumb.
“Ha, please.”
The hand stuck inside my underwear wiggled and touched the part where my thigh folded. N-no way. I covered my face with both hands and despaired for a long time. After sighing, I grabbed Go Yohan’s ominous wrist. Hmm-. A small nasal sound rubbed against the back of my head.
At that moment, I was momentarily frightened and quickly lowered my head forward. Did I wash my hair before going to bed?
Damn it, I gritted my teeth in embarrassment. And I pulled the wrist I was holding with all my might to pull out the long intruder that had invaded my underwear. When his limp fingers brushed past my tender skin, I really wanted to die because my face was so hot.
When I finally pulled it out towards my pelvis, I pushed his hand away as if throwing it and hurriedly got out of bed.
“Isn’t he crazy? Why is he sleeping with his hand in here,”
After covering my flushed face with my arms, I glared at the tall body lying shamelessly on my bed. And I looked at my lower body, which had risen a lot, with a tearful heart. I saw it sticking out stiffly, almost coming out of my underwear.
Wow, this is the worst.
Not knowing my situation, the abandoned fingers brushed the wrinkled blanket. Maybe he was doing it in his sleep. What was even more absurd was that he was grabbing the blanket with his hand and shaking it up and down, making a crying face.
“Where did it go-o.”
“Where else would it go.”
I threw a pillow at Go Yohan’s face. In the meantime, Go Yohan turned his head and avoided it so easily. Is this bastard awake?
My face was burning hot. I thought I should wash my face first, so I turned around as if running away and almost fell. Ugh, aagh. I swallowed the scream that was about to come out and looked at the cause that was caught on my foot. There, the pajama pants, which I didn’t know when they had come down, were down to my thighs. It was literally pathetic. That itself. Of course, the habit of taking off clothes while sleeping couldn’t have arisen overnight. Then it’s obvious.
I glared even more at Go Yohan, who was making a crying face with a plausible face and constantly grabbing the empty blanket.
“I’m really going to…… that bastard.”
I pulled up my pants in an awkward posture. Faint light leaked through the curtains that hadn’t been drawn yet. I stood next to the bed and watched Go Yohan’s hand, which was fiddling with the empty space for a long time, before moving my steps to the opposite side of the bed. The rough surface rustled because of the carpet, tickling me. My gaze still reached Go Yohan, who was closing his eyes and snoring.
I looked down at Go Yohan like that for a long time, hid my hands behind my back, and bent my waist. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
Go Yohan’s white downy hair smells blue. It’s like sky blue. I lowered my head even deeper and brought my nostrils to a position where my dry skin was almost touching. When the scent tickled my nose, an unintentional smile leaked out.
“You and I are both so carefree. Really.”
But why does my lower back hurt so much? I pressed down hard on the top of my throbbing tailbone with my palm. Is it because two grown men were sleeping together in a narrow bed? Seeing that my whole body sometimes aches like this, it seemed that my sleeping posture these days was a bit rough.
I pressed down on my throbbing waist and looked at the scene. This is all the traces of last night. The cake box and crushed cake, beer cans and wine bottles were scattered on the floor. And even the small box I had hidden under the sink.
“……Shit, why is that there.”
I don’t remember at all. Crazy. I groaned and covered my forehead.
“What the hell did I do…….”
Holding my throbbing head, I looked for my cell phone among the things scattered on the floor. There were a few messages that I didn’t know whether they were coming or not because I had switched to vibrate. As expected, it was Kang Suhyun.
「Why…… are you ignoring me?」
I think I should block him now. The time has really come. Not lying, really.
Once the decision was made, the action was decisive. I swiped Kang Suhyun’s name to the side and pressed the red button. I felt much more comfortable anticipating that it would be quiet for a while. I should have done it sooner. Was the nightmare that had lasted for half a year ending so easily? As my stomach became comfortable, my steps also became lighter.
As I got older, it became a little easier to control my mind. I don’t attach meaning to words that others say thoughtlessly and run wild on my own, I resent those who don’t know me but don’t show it, and I push away the annoying bastards from my life. Ah, this is what an adult is.
While Go Yohan was asleep again, I muffled my footsteps and came out to the kitchen to drink water. I always liked to drink cold water after waking up because it made my head feel clear. At that time, my cell phone vibrated at a bad time. It was an unknown number. I hesitated for a moment and answered the phone in case.
“Hello?”
-Wow, you really blocked me?
“Kang Suhyun?”
No, how can he call right after I block him? I unknowingly looked around and rubbed my arm. Does this bastard have some kind of spiritual power?
-I called because I saw you read the message, but you didn’t, didn’t answer? Did you put ‘maybe’ in front of my name? Now? How can a person do that? I heard the country’s generosity is harsher.
“What number is this?”
-I’m calling…… with a friend’s…… number, so you’ll answer…… you…….
It was a voice full of injustice. The whining of a man in his mid-180s was very disgusting. I reflexively hung up the phone in one breath. Soon the phone rang again, and I calmly answered.
“Sorry. I accidentally pressed the end button while turning down the volume.”
-Oh, you should be careful. I almost got hurt thinking you hated even seeing me and hung up.
“Is that so.”
-You did block me, right?
“No.”
I can’t say ‘yes,’ can I? At least that’s what social life is like. Unfortunately, Kang Suhyun didn’t notice my intention at all and passed it by. Rather, he asked in an excited voice.
-Did you go? Did you go to the amusement park with your friend?
“You told me to go with him.”
-Jun-i’s friend. Isn’t that too much? My conscience is too pricked. You really went because I told you to?
“Huh?”
-Why doesn’t a friend like this have a lover yet? Is it because he’s so pure? I thought he was a playboy trash, but he was too pure and was setting traps. Oh my god. A kind Jun-i’s friend. I would have sold that ticket to someone else, but I didn’t think you would really go. I’m too rotten.
What, this dog……..
I swallowed to suppress the rising heat.
“No. I wanted to go once anyway.”
-Oooooh…….
A disgusting whining sound crawled out from beyond the speaker. I was sincerely embarrassed. Sincerely.
“What. Why, why are you doing this?”
-Didn’t you have an amusement park either? Cheongsong is a delicious apple, but it’s a desolate town for growing boys.
“I’ve said it several times. I didn’t live in Cheongsong.”
-Please stop now. Don’t deceive yourself anymore. I know you don’t want to send apples for free, so you’re being stingy with the service. I heard that rich people do more, but you’re really stingy.
“…….”
He’s not listening to me at all.
Surprisingly, seeing Kang Suhyun, who fits the ‘friend with the right level’ that my parents talked about, I wonder if the human image itself can be regulated with a few words.
-Living in such a rural town, you wouldn’t have had a proper relationship. You came to Seoul to study and spent all your flowery youth. Oh, control.
“Suhyun, I’m busy, can I hang up now?”
-Oooooh……!
“…….”
-I love you. Please. Actually, I lied to my friends that I’m dating a girl these days, but now they’re at the peak of suspicion, so I’m pretending to call urgently. Jun-i’s friend, just a moment. Just a moment!
There was a rustling sound from the speaker. And I was looking down on Kang Suhyun. It was obvious that Kang Suhyun’s personality would be fine with Park So-yeon, so he opened his mouth first and was clearly getting a taste of the bitterness of life. Maybe it’s a karaoke room because I can hear the song. I can only hear the sound of pigs being slaughtered.
-Woong, I miss you so much too. I can’t see you today, so my heart is thumping! It hurt. Our Jju! You have to meet me at the end of the year! Got it! If you got it, give me a kiss! Side! I did it first! Jju is stupid!
“Shit.”
A voice with half a tongue cut off greedily dirtied my ears. While I was throwing up alone because it was so disgusting, Kang Suhyun continued the call with a brazen attitude.
-Phew! I almost got caught.
“Ugh.”
-Jun-i, I heard everything. Shit? You don’t know the life of an average man, so you can say such harsh words? You have so many women around you that everyone believes you even if you lie that you meet sixty women a day, but I’m not. I get suspected first.
“It’s suspicious…….”
Who would like a bastard like you.
“And I don’t have any women around me. Really.”
-Yeah, it seems like that. If you had a woman, you wouldn’t have gone to the amusement park to watch fireworks with a guy on Christmas. He’s not in his right mind.
“Is that so strange?”
-It’s strange. I believe that Jun-i’s friend doesn’t have a woman? Jun-i’s friend strangely doesn’t have any interest in women? But, your friend is a bit like that. If it’s him, he looks like he’s going to have a frenzied sex party in a motel, drinking alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes……. Playing club songs, with three women on the sofa, just, alone, just……!
“……Have you watched too many movies?”
-Well, wouldn’t he still have alcohol, cigarettes, and that…… party?
Kang Suhyun whispered softly, making a sound as if he had put his mouth close to the receiver, as if he was saying something great.
-Sex. Sex.
“…….”
……I did have a sex party. The problem is that the target was me. I touched my tailbone, which was getting heavy again, with my hand and muttered as if making an excuse.
“Go Yohan isn’t like that. He’s very conservative. He hates that kind of thing.”
-Hey, are you jealous? Hey. Jun-i’s friend. Eeh-.
“What are you talking about. No. I’m not.”
-It can’t be helped. Your friend looks a bit cold, so he’s the type that women want to gamble on and try to get with at least once. He’s bound to be swarming with women. A bit, if you say you’re dating him, it feels like you’ll be thrilled for the rest of your life? Until you die of old age, you’ll be talking about ‘This grandma dated Go Yohan,’ and your grandson will get sick of it and get angry and tell you to stop talking? It feels like you’ll write on your tombstone, ‘Achievement: Once dated Go Yohan for 3 months.’ It feels like a great achievement.
“Achievement is too much…….”
But when I carefully traced Kang Suhyun’s words, it was quite plausible. There was something like that. If you date Go Yohan, even if you go beyond appearance or conditions, you’ll be intoxicated with the satisfaction that this man likes me. A bit, Go Yohan does evoke such emotions.
-Jun-i’s friend, you idiot. Friend. And don’t be discouraged. Money is the best for men. You know?
“I keep saying, I’m not that rich. Why don’t you believe me?”
I’m rich. I didn’t feel any guilt even while lying. Well, if I say I’m rich, only annoying things will happen. Like being caught as a sugar daddy. Or becoming a pushover. That’s how the world of guys is.
-Liar! Friend, don’t you remember our first meeting? When we first did a group project. That kid who was your classmate. That 음-chilly looking kid. That strange person said you were rich!
“That’s because he and I…… no, I didn’t get along with him originally. We had a subtle battle of nerves because of grades…….”
-What. So that bastard tricked you back then? Really?
“I think so. He even dropped the lecture? He thought I would keep listening, and he didn’t like the lecture at the orientation, so I think he tricked me and dropped it. I don’t know what he was twisted about.”
-Oh, that makes sense. It’s petty, but.
“That’s what happens to model students who only went to cram school and school like their parents told them to.”
-Isn’t Jun-i’s friend a wholesome model student too?
The fake smile I was wearing froze stiff at those words. It’s a similar sentiment, but a little different. I had more ambition than An Jisu.
An Jisu, who sharpened her blade dreaming of becoming part of the upper class when she got to university, and me, who writhed in endless jealousy and wanted to survive as part of the upper class even in high school. It was obvious who had grown up more wickedly.
“I guess so.”
I chuckled. An Jisu was clumsy at teasing people. And seeing as she went straight to the army after that, it seems her university life wasn’t smooth sailing either. Her arrogant personality wouldn’t have gone anywhere. She entered a department full of the smartest minds in the country, so her grades, which had always been number one, would have plummeted miserably. Her pride must have been terribly hurt. Naturally, she would have revealed her twisted personality.
“You shouldn’t have done bad things in the first place. It all comes back to you, how are you going to handle it?”
-Don’t say such virtuous things. I’ve done so many things that prick my conscience towards you lately.
So she’s aware.
As I chuckled, I suddenly felt like the speaker was blocked up. Then, a small voice was heard through the blocked gap. ‘Ah, I’m going now! I’m going! No! It’s not like that!’ I think that’s what it said. And then the noise of the karaoke room deepened again.
-Anyway, tell your friend thank you. I called to tell you that. And I also called to make sure he checked what I sent. It seems like that friend is ignoring my messages too? I’m a little hurt by that. But Jun-i’s friend, why is it so hard to check your friend’s email? I thought I was going to die googling. Ah! That’s how I found out about the high school you guys went to. There, that name Seon…….
“Thank you for what?”
I know my high school well, so I wasn’t really curious about that. Kang Suhyun had said something more intriguing before that. What exactly is Kang Suhyun thankful to Go Yohan for? My head was full of that question, and I couldn’t think of anything but interrupting Kang Suhyun and hearing the answer.
-Friend! That friend’s personality is a mess, but he’s reliable when it comes to money! He suddenly asked me for my account number in a message, so I quickly told him, and he gave me the money? He gets it right away. The ticket price. Wow, that friend is bold.
“The ticket, hey. I already gave it to you.”
-You bought the ticket, and that friend bought my effort. I think it’s a fair trade.
“Don’t you think you’re shameless? You”
This bastard. A burst of angry voice popped out without me realizing it.
-So, as a service, I sent you more. Have fun.
“Sent what…….”
-I have to hang up now. I’ll call you again later. My friends are calling me. World, here I come!
Don’t. Please don’t ever contact me again.
My words only lingered in my head. It’s because the rude Kang Suhyun hung up unilaterally. I stood there looking at my phone, then clenched my fist and waved it in the air. Shit. I really hate it. I bit my lip tightly and looked at the turned-off screen, then turned my head to look at the sleeping Go Yohan.
The morning sunlight was shining on his gloomy face. Go Yohan, who was sleeping like he was dead, looked like a painting, so I stared blankly for a long time before turning on my phone.
「What did she give you? What as a service?」
There was no reply.
…….
What did she send?
Deep down, since Kang Suhyun sent it, I thought it was probably some kind of lewd video. Still, I couldn’t help but be bothered unless I checked.
Even after returning to my room, all that came to mind were questions, not answers, so I finally decided to stop worrying. If I wanted to check, there was a way, but it was better than being caught by Go Yohan and being embarrassed if I bothered to check. I have some pride, Kang Jun.
…….
But really, what did she send?
“Kang Jun’s head is rolling this way and that…….”
“Huh? Me?”
Go Yohan’s voice stopped my reverie. And Kang Suhyun, who had been wandering around in my head, died instantly. The most important person in my human relationships. My mental energy was concentrated on Go Yohan.
“What are you thinking so hard about?”
“……Wouldn’t it be okay to wear pants without underwear?”
“I’m going to shower soon.”
Thin training pants went up Go Yohan’s long legs in an instant. I glanced sideways half intentionally, half sincerely, and stole a glance at the scar on Go Yohan’s thigh.
‘Sexy.’
I barely stopped myself from exhaling a hot breath by covering my mouth with my hand. I pressed my lips with my palm and turned my gaze away, pretending not to see. If I turned it once more, I would see the scar on his back too. I scratched my cheek with my finger.
I’m really a pervert. Go Yohan was right.
Go Yohan, who was standing next to the bed putting on his pants, made a sound as he straightened his pants. His long hands must be smoothing out the wrinkles. I put a little strength into my lower abdomen, which was getting hot. I must never get caught. I frantically rubbed my chin and cheeks with the back of my hand to hide my face, which might have turned red.
Then, Go Yohan said, shaking his pants.
“If you’re going to look, don’t peek like that, look openly.”
“Huh? No? I didn’t see anything.”
“I could hear your eyes rolling all the way over here.”
“…….”
Then, what. Since I got permission…….
I turned my face away, pretending not to know anything. I was going to act shamelessly with a face that asked what he was talking about. But then, Go Yohan moved his legs while straightening his pants. The line of his genitals, which was more clearly revealed because he wasn’t wearing underwear, came into view at a glance.
“…….”
I shouldn’t have looked. Shit, is that really human.
“I’m going to take a shower now.”
“Huh? Okay!”
“Don’t you want to scrub me?”
Go Yohan, who is weak in the morning, pressed his forehead with a frown. But even so, he made a hook shape with his thumb and middle finger and made a gesture of scratching the air. Even the middle finger moved slowly out of rhythm. The gesture was so lewd that I quickly lowered my head and muttered.
“I used a condom. It’s okay.”
“Ah, you remember?”
“Of course.”
No, actually, I don’t remember anything. No wonder my back hurt, we did it again. I touched my aching back and raised my head. I looked at Go Yohan with a deliberately brazen look, and Go Yohan was still touching his head, which hurt from the headache, and continued to speak.
“Why did you remember? I was going to lie that I came inside and put it in.”
“……Let’s not talk.”
I think I’m getting a headache too.
I got up from my seat with a wobbly walk. And as I passed Go Yohan, Go Yohan reached out and brushed my stomach and waist. When I looked at Go Yohan in embarrassment, Go Yohan frowned and raised the corners of his lips to smile, then turned his back.
His long legs strode towards the bathroom. Then he opened the door and went inside, and just before closing it again, he turned around slightly and asked me.
“Are you really not going to shower together?”
At those words, I frantically waved my hands from side to side and left the room. My back must have looked pathetic because of my wobbly walk, but it’s better than getting caught with my dick standing up.
I went straight to the bathroom next to my room and took off my t-shirt. I took off my pants too. I threw my clothes in the dressing room next to it and walked under the shower.
“Ah, crazy…….”
My lower body hurts so much, I feel like I’m going to die. I turned on the water with tears in my eyes. I thought I should soak my body in hot water first. Still, I felt a little better after soaking my body in some warm water.
After being in the hot water for a while, I often looked at the doorknob.
‘Is he not coming?’
I was weighing my own ambiguous feelings, whether I wanted him to come or not. Actually, I was aware to some extent, but I felt like I was turning a blind eye. I stroked the tiles with my fingertips. I cooled the ends of my skin with the cold marble. It’s to get my head straight.
“He’s not coming. Why would he come.”
Ha. Ridiculous. I was so dumbfounded that I turned around and hit my head against the marble wall this time.
The shower got longer because of the increasingly intense thoughts. I probably would have finished 15 minutes ago if I hadn’t had such random thoughts. Go Yohan had already finished showering and come out by the time I finished washing and changed clothes in the dressing room. He was even sitting in front of my laptop with a towel on his wet hair, looking at something.
But I wasn’t much different either. I glanced at Go Yohan while shaking my wet hair wildly.
“Why are you on my laptop?”
“I had something to check for a moment.”
“If it’s not urgent, use your phone.”
“Ah, it wouldn’t open on my phone.”
Go Yohan left those questionable words behind. What is he checking so much? I went back to the kitchen with a wobbly walk and poured water into a cup. Then, I stood blankly in place to cool my head, took a breath, and after a few minutes, I put the cup to my lips. And something suddenly came to mind while I was gulping it down.
“Oh…….”
Could it be. My neck moved creakily. Go Yohan, who I finally looked at, was looking at the screen with a strange face. It was really strange. Go Yohan’s face was so serious, like he was going to kill someone, then he gradually raised his hand and touched his lips. Then he raised his hand even more and scratched his ear.
And then he glanced at me, and as soon as our eyes met, he avoided my gaze.
“…….”
What is it?
Go Yohan’s face was too embarrassing. I put the cup on the table with stiff movements, pulled the towel around my neck, and walked. It was a clumsy walk this time too.
“……What are you looking at?”
“…….”
Go Yohan didn’t say anything. He looked at me again, then looked down at the floor and just rubbed his ears wildly. What’s even stranger is that he’s making awkward robot-like laughter while doing that. I still approached Go Yohan and asked.
“……Why?”
Go Yohan raises his head and looks at me. A very strange smile was on his gloomy face. It was a smile that I didn’t know whether he was teasing me, happy, amused, dumbfounded, or what. Anxiety washed over me.
I finally put my hand on the living room table that had come close, went next to Go Yohan, and looked at the laptop screen. And I read the short sentence written there.
Nevertheless, Go OO is worth loving.