3 – Cube Jungle

A jungle made of wooden floors. In this tranquil jungle, there are about thirty beasts.

Everywhere, beasts create hierarchies and form packs. The beasts living in this jungle are all eighteen years old. These eighteen-year-olds spend each day in the jungle walking a tightrope, as if pulling a thin thread taut.

For me, this tension had been a constant since I learned how to form packs around the age of twelve. And this is my daily life, and likely everyone else’s.

A cube-shaped jungle hiding a pyramid. That is the classroom for eighteen-year-olds.

“Ah…”

I shook my arm, which was numb from lack of circulation. I thumped my constricted stomach with the edge of my clenched fist. I exhaled weakly and looked at the slumped backs of the others. Green chalkboard and apricot-colored necks. The Ethics Homeroom Teacher, sitting at the desk, was folding a crumpled newspaper in half and reading it, while the kids were either racking their brains over the problems he had assigned or giving up altogether and sleeping. The Ethics Homeroom Teacher spread the newspaper open and shouted loudly.

“Anyone sleeping, wake up.”

It was already fifth period. After fiddling with problem 15, I scratched my head lightly with my index finger and put my pencil down on the desk. Then I looked at the empty seats. Two of them caught my eye.

As expected, Han Jun-woo and Han Tae-san hadn’t come. They probably wouldn’t come tomorrow either. Unless Han Jun-woo changed his mind, or something happened between them that I didn’t know about. But I didn’t know what that ‘something’ could be.

I lowered my head and looked at the complicated problem. Characters filled with Chinese letters filled my eyes.

I thought I knew everything about Han Jun-woo. There was a time when I smugly believed that I was the only one in this classroom who truly knew Han Jun-woo. That was one of my boasts that even overshadowed Go Yohan and Han Jun-woo’s friendship.

In fact, I think that boast was what allowed me to endure seeing Go Yohan and Han Jun-woo getting along so well. I secretly enjoyed the fact that I was still superior, no matter how close they got.

I rested my chin on my hand. I felt disgusted with myself for thinking that way.

If everyone knew I was thinking these things, how would they see me? The result was obvious. I would end up occupying the lowest and widest level of the pyramid.

That was a terrifying thought. I must never be found out. This sinister high schooler’s peculiar desires, that is. I had to hide them deep, so that even the object of my desires wouldn’t know, so deep that eventually even I would forget.

But Han Jun-woo couldn’t do that. Everyone in the class knew Han Jun-woo’s desires. I raised my head and looked around. Everyone had their faces buried in their desks. I pressed my lips tightly into my mouth and looked slightly ahead.

I saw a textbook covered in footprints, pathetically rolling between the rows.

Instantly, I slammed my face into the desk like the other kids, as if someone had been staring at me.

And then I twisted my neck in a different direction than before. It was the back seat. There, I saw a face covered by an arm, fast asleep. A gloomy and delicate face lay as if dead.

“…”

I looked at Go Yohan’s face, then gradually let my gaze drift to his arm. In the meantime, Go Yohan, who was already tall, had grown even taller, and the school uniform that had fit perfectly in the beginning of the second year now revealed his wrists. And on that wrist, a brown Rosary bracelet was clearly visible. That heavy presence was Go Yohan’s symbol and identity.

Actually, before I heard about Go Yohan, I thought he lived on the opposite side of town. That is, the side where Han Tae-san lived.

Go Yohan didn’t look very wealthy on the outside. Go Yohan’s eyes were sunken, and his eyelids always had shadows. His faintly colored eyes were always slightly upturned. As a result, he often showed the thin whites under his pupils, which made him look more haggard and sharp.

Overall, Go Yohan had a sinister atmosphere and looked intimidating, but his face seemed more impoverished than luxurious. He definitely looked like he was lacking something. That atmosphere gave off a rather gloomy feeling. Moreover, he was bigger than others, which made him even more threatening. No matter what anyone said, Go Yohan was the tallest student in the entire school.

Fortunately, unlike Han Jun-woo, his features were handsome even when viewed separately, so when put together, people would say ‘as expected’. Go Yohan was classically handsome. If he wasn’t, everyone would have avoided him. That’s how gloomy, scary, and neurotic Go Yohan looked.

But unlike his face, Go Yohan was indifferent.

It wasn’t just that he wasn’t interested in everything, but it was as if he was deliberately or unintentionally erasing things from his memory. It was like a lack of ownership of memories. Ironically, Go Yohan’s personality explained his wealth. It was his only characteristic.

Most notably, he had no interest in money. He didn’t care how much people spent around him or how much they asked for, and if he felt like it, he would roughly throw the money he had to anyone. He acted as if he had never learned the concept of currency. He would lend money to someone and then forget about it. Some conscientious guys would borrow money from Go Yohan and then return it, only to be asked with a puzzled look why they were giving it back to him.

Also, the funny thing was, he didn’t lend money to just anyone. Only when Go Yohan was in a good mood would he grant the request of anyone nearby, but he would nonchalantly refuse those who really needed money.

Even to his friends, he was quite harsh. Once, Kim Min-ho happened to see Go Yohan’s ‘beloved horse’, the motorcycle that Go Yohan always talked about but never showed to others, and, envious, immediately asked to ride on the back, sticking his butt out at the same time, only to be kicked by Go Yohan on the spot and falling to the street like a startled frog.

People at the top among men tend not to fear criticism from others. Maybe that’s why the guys who occupy the top spots are always people like Han Jun-woo, who are indifferent to others, or Go Yohan, who forgets everything quickly.

I still don’t understand why we give our keys to these self-willed carnivores.

Also, Go Yohan is a self-proclaimed devout Catholic.

At the same time, he was a delinquent student who slept with the Bible as a pillow, but he followed the doctrine. He didn’t drink, he didn’t smoke, he abstained from sex, and he didn’t steal money from other students. But you could tell that the doctrine he followed was a bogus one just by looking at the alcohol and cigarettes part. I heard that alcohol and cigarettes are allowed in Catholicism.

I heard that religion considers homosexuality a sin. Was that why Han Jun-woo’s actions felt disgusting to Go Yohan? I licked my parched lips with my tongue.

I was relieved that I hadn’t been caught. If I had, I would have become that textbook. In the meantime, I wondered if Han Jun-woo would have protected me if he and I were still as close as we had been just a few months ago. What would have happened? Thinking about that made me remember something I wanted to forget again. I took a deep breath. It felt like the food I had eaten at lunch was coming back up.

Absolutely not.

It’s ridiculous how arrogant I was in the past, thinking that he would definitely protect me. I was nothing to Han Jun-woo. Just a high school friend who was okay to hang out with. I know. His eyes, as he beat me down, were saying just that. I didn’t want to know the truth that way, though.

Han Jun-woo committing sins. Kang Jun committing sins. But Kang Jun hid it, and Han Jun-woo couldn’t hide it. That’s why Han Jun-woo is being punished by God.

A small chuckle and a murmur that only I could hear burst out.

“…What. So all I have to do is not get caught.”

Maybe God has the same personality as Go Yohan.

This time, I looked at the desk attached to the front of the teacher’s desk. It was a really rare occurrence, but today I felt a little sorry for Han Tae-san. You were a poor soul caught up with the devil. Your strength was too weak to overcome that terrible and fascinating power. Han Tae-san, who is infinitely small and weak compared to Tae-san. That’s why you should have left quickly when I advised you to. You foolish idiot.

I know I’m not a particularly good person. I know I’m selfish and only think about myself. That’s why I was punished. Honestly, I’ve even thought this. If I was going to like a man, I should have liked a cunning and sly guy like me, so I could have an easier life. Why like such a difficult and innocent guy and go through all that trouble?

Now I think this.

Yeah. There’s no way he would like me if I only think like this. I guess I know myself too well.

There was a time when I thought I could have everything in the world. Arrogant and arrogant Kang Jun. Kang Jun who realized the world at eighteen. Bad and wicked Kang Jun. Sad Kang Jun. Kang Jun, who had to endure everything alone because I was the only one who could feel sorry for myself.

That day, I couldn’t get past problem 15 until the end of class, and I lay down with the excuse that I was sick. Yeah, I thought, at least I’m better off than Han Jun-woo or Han Tae-san, whose lives have fallen apart.

Rumors about Han Jun-woo and Han Tae-san flew around like wildfire. I couldn’t tell if the rumors were exaggerated or if Han Jun-woo was really doing what the rumors said. Even if I tried to find out the truth, there was no way to know. Han Jun-woo’s group within the school had disappeared as barren as if weeds had been pulled out. The few guys who were left were only focused on creating new groups and strengthening their bonds, which was only making the rumors worse.

“Jeong-woo, I’m sorry, but who is Jun-i’s closest friend?”

“Han, no. Go Yohan.”

Those were the words I overheard while passing by before the end-of-day meeting. The Homeroom Teacher asked, and one of the guys in the same class answered. I pretended not to hear and went into the classroom. The Homeroom Teacher, who was anxiously looking back and forth between me and the empty seat, tapped the desk with his finger. But after thinking about something, he gave up with a resigned expression and said.

“Let’s have the end-of-day meeting.”

As soon as the end-of-day meeting was over, I got up and packed my bag. And as I was putting my bag on my shoulder, Go Yohan tapped my back.

“Hey. Let’s go hang out after school.”

I looked at Go Yohan’s face.

I know. Because I was the one who was wary of every move Han Jun-woo and Go Yohan made, I knew that the person who had most often said the words that Go Yohan had just said to me was Han Jun-woo. I thought for a moment, then shook my head.

“I can’t. I have to go to tutoring.”

“Then what about after that?”

“Self-study. Just hang out with your friend from the start.”

“No.”

“Why?”

“It’s a pain in the ass to be too close to a guy whose life is ruined.”

“Aren’t they your friends?”

“You have to take advantage of things in life. If you hug trash, only your life will rot.”

“Huh.”

I was so dumbfounded that I snorted. That’s right. The reason why I was able to get along with Go Yohan more closely than I thought was because of this. Our values were strangely aligned.

“Kim Min-ho, Lee Seok-hyun are trash? Kim Seok-min too?”

“If you ask me that, they’re like that. You’re different.”

I felt uncomfortable with the subtle compliment. Why is that?

“You’re bad. You.”

“No. I’m not bad.”

“You’re really bad?”

“Hmm. It’s written in the Ten Commandments. Thou shalt not lie. Huh? I don’t lie. Jun-ah.”

Honestly, Go Yohan is worse than me. I wouldn’t openly treat the thugs I hang out with as trash like that.

“So I’m a good person.”

“…Yeah.”

“Since I’m a good person, can I come over to your house?”

Go Yohan blinked twice. I looked at his face, then nodded this time.

“Yeah. Sure.”

If it doesn’t bother me, there’s no need to refuse. In order to solidify my position in the group, there was no need to pick a fight with the guy who would be at the top.

When I came back from tutoring, Go Yohan, who had arrived earlier, was already lying on my bed reading a comic book that he had brought in his bag. I didn’t even bother to look at the cover and frowned. The strange thing that was slightly visible in Go Yohan’s wide-open bag was a few workbooks. Problems and Go Yohan.

Go Yohan is strange.

In the past, when Han Jun-woo proudly told Go Yohan about the panting that had happened the night before, Go Yohan would laugh and tap Han Jun-woo’s forehead and shoulder, saying, “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” It was clearly a rebuke to Han Jun-woo, but I thought it was just a joke between them.

But strangely, Go Yohan is now clearly showing hostility. Like flipping his hand. A friend’s change of heart is more stimulating than the criticism of others. So I took out two ice creams from the freezer, gave one to Go Yohan, and asked very carefully.

“Hey, you know.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you going to break up with Han Jun-woo?”

Go Yohan, who is quick-witted, knows that the breakup isn’t just any breakup. But Go Yohan, who ripped open the wrapper without hesitation and shoved the ice cream into his mouth, only smiled, raising one corner of his mouth high. Then he chewed on the end of the ice cream and swallowed it, and only after his mouth was empty did he answer.

“Is there any reason to be friends with a guy whose life is ruined?”

“Is that so?”

Is a man liking a man so bad that it ruins his life? I felt a pang of guilt.

“You agree too, right?”

Go Yohan, who had his eyes on the comic book, asked. His tone was muffled because he was biting the ice cream stick. I pouted and said.

“Of course.”

With those words, we didn’t talk about Han Jun-woo at all. Knowing that the story of Han Jun-woo that I could get from Go Yohan ended here, I deliberately didn’t ask any more questions. That’s how he stayed at our house until very late in the evening and prepared to leave.

“Then see you tomorrow.”

I hesitated and showed a little bit of unnecessary concern as I watched Go Yohan, who was putting on his shoes and preparing to leave.

“Don’t walk, take a taxi.”

Go Yohan made a funny face at those words. And after laughing as if he was dumbfounded, he said this.

“Oh, okay.”

I went into my room and immediately lay down on my bed, thinking carefully about Go Yohan’s words.

Han Jun-woo’s ability to think is definitely at rock bottom. Did he think that if he did that, Han Tae-san would only look at him? That’s why love is so terribly disgusting. It loses reason in everything and interprets things as it pleases. And if you accidentally believe that interpretation is the truth, something irreversible will happen.

Those who die for love and live for love are all like that. You have to have the most negative thoughts and choose the most immobile movements to avoid that fate.

I reorganized my thoughts again. A night when the moon rises. A dawn when I thought I would just fall asleep like that. A phone call came from Han Jun-woo. Along with the words to come find him. After hearing Han Jun-woo’s short words, I inhaled. And I came up with dozens of thoughts in my head. And finally, I answered.

“I’m not going.”

-…….

“Do you think I’m stupid? Go die, you son of a bitch.”

Did the end of my voice tremble slightly? I don’t know. But I probably did well with composure. I tend to do everything well if I can. Except for unrequited love.

My refusal, which was an absolute impossibility for Han Jun-woo, was by no means a rebellion against Han Jun-woo. It wasn’t jealousy or anger either. In fact, there was some of that emotion, but what restrained and controlled me more than anything else was the cube jungle.

I know too well what will happen to me if it becomes known that I met Han Jun-woo at this time. Because I’m that kind of person.

And I’m protecting myself with that fact as an excuse. As expected, I’m that kind of person. My love was too scared and calculating to cherish Han Jun-woo more than myself.

Two days after Han Jun-woo’s desk was knocked over, his textbooks were thrown into the incinerator.

It wasn’t difficult to find out who the culprit was. A few classes later, there was a guy who smiled at Go Yohan with a triumphant expression. And the group members said that in the previous class, he had boasted in the bathroom that he had thrown away all of Han Jun-woo’s textbooks.

“How brave.”

I looked at the paper box placed side by side next to the blue trash can. The box, with its teeth missing and paper fluff rising, contained the power struggle between Go Yohan and Han Jun-woo.

Two days ago, Han Jun-woo lost to Go Yohan in a place he didn’t know.

The motive was sufficient. At first, I had thought of it as bullying, but after I sensed some unusual ’emotion,’ the kids around Han Jun-woo also noticed his strangeness. Gradually, it became clear that Han Jun-woo’s feelings for Han Tae-san were not just vague hatred, and his violent attitude was not bullying. Finally, the sight of Kang Jun and Han Jun-woo fighting gave me certainty. However, even as I watched the public opinion turning against Han Jun-woo, I didn’t particularly feel the need to explain or feel guilty.

I’m not foolish enough to drag my own life to ruin with my own feet. I knew very well how my explaining here would look to the other kids. It might seem like I’m nice, or that I have a Moral obligation. But the Cube society had more than thirty selves, and in one of those selves, a small question would sprout.

‘Why?’

I’m afraid of that.

I closed my eyes, lying face down on my desk. Let’s just sleep. And I had the sudden thought that when I opened my eyes, everything would be changed to my liking. I almost fell asleep like that. If I had been left alone, I probably would have drifted off.

I opened my eyes with a start because something hit the top of my head. I touched my head and got up, and Go Yohan was also touching his forehead.

“What, that hurts.”

“Why are you sleeping from morning?”

“Mind your own business. What’s that?”

“Ah. This? I picked it up on the way. It was in the school’s recycling bin.”

Go Yohan smiled slyly, holding up the Crutch tucked under his right armpit. My face contorted involuntarily. Go Yohan is always doing such strange things.

It didn’t hurt much, but I was worried that my hair might be messed up, so I rubbed the crown of my head. Go Yohan, who woke me up, turned around, used his leg to kick out a chair, and then sat down on the chair that was about to fall over. He managed not to fall. After throwing his bag on the desk, he lay down on it, using it as a pillow.

“You wake me up and then you’re going to sleep?”

“I was worried about you, telling you not to sleep and to study. It doesn’t matter if I sleep or not. My grades are a mess anyway.”

“Don’t lie.”

I turned my body and grumbled, answering Go Yohan’s words one by one. Strangely, I wanted to refute everything Go Yohan said. As I lightly kicked Go Yohan’s foot, Go Yohan said slyly.

“Hey, how can you hit a wounded person? You trash.”

I was dumbfounded by the expression mixed with playfulness and sarcasm, so this time I kicked the Crutch. The Crutch fell towards Go Yohan, but Go Yohan, still lying down, simply raised his hand and lightly caught it. Go Yohan, who didn’t take his chin off his bag despite my interference, laughed silently and then suddenly said this.

“I’ve been wanting to ask you this for a while.”

“What?”

“You didn’t actually fall, did you?”

Damn it, is it that obvious? My face wasn’t that badly injured. I was momentarily flustered, then brazenly brushed my face with the back of my hand and said.

“No, I fell.”

“Haha.”

Go Yohan, still with his chin buried in his bag, laughed lightly.

“Really?”

Go Yohan turned only his eyes to me and pointed with his index finger. And I asked back, not understanding his intention.

“Why?”

“Because you’re shameless.”

The moment Go Yohan leaned the Crutch against his body and laughed, I acted like someone who had forgotten how to think.

What is he saying?

“…What’s shameless?”

“In my opinion, you didn’t fall…”

“…….”

Go Yohan’s words were always puzzling, but they had never felt this terrifying before.

The eyes looking at me are calm and still. The dark pupils in the bright irises were staring at me intently. It was like the question of where the tip of the arrow he shot was aimed. Clearly, the tip was aimed at me. I forgot how to think. My head was trying to wake me up by repeating only two words alternately. Could it be. No way. Could it be. No way.

Finally, Go Yohan’s eyes narrowed.

“It looked like you bumped into something.”

His slender eyes curved long like a snake. My mouth felt dry and I felt suffocated. Glug. While Go Yohan was opening his mouth, I didn’t even blink.

“That’s embarrassing if the kids find out.”

“…….”

“I’ll keep it a secret.”

And Go Yohan brought the hand holding the Crutch close to his mouth and whispered, winking one eye. The breath I had been holding burst out and hit my chest. Go Yohan didn’t seem to be waiting for or expecting my reaction. This time, he suddenly pointed to his bangs with the hand he had put to his mouth.

“But did you copy my style? It’s not that great if you did.”

While I was at a loss for words, Go Yohan playfully frowned slightly.

“Well, I’m going to sleep.”

Go Yohan yawned and immediately buried his head. I looked at the crown of his head, which was covered with thick hair, and spoke clearly.

“I didn’t copy you, and I didn’t cut it.”

Oh, really? A voice muffled by the bag mumbled.

“Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world.”

Go Yohan prayed. His report card was stuck in his hand.

4th period. As soon as English class ended, we received the midterm report cards we had taken last month. Go Yohan buried his head in the opened report card, read the scores, and then suddenly recited such a prayer. He tilted his head back with a sigh and then sighed deeply.

“Ah. I’m screwed.”

I folded the report card, having only checked the scores. I put it in the front pocket of my bag and looked back at Go Yohan, who was sighing.

Because he had been tilting his head back, all I could see was Go Yohan’s Adam’s apple. It throbbed greatly, as if scolding me for looking at it. I fixed my gaze on Go Yohan’s neck and said.

“That’s not the kind of prayer you’re supposed to use at times like this.”

“I don’t know, all prayers are the same. Hey, is it God or god?”

While doing so, I learned one of Go Yohan’s suspicious traits: his religious faith was unique.

“Why are you asking me that? It’s your religion?”

“Jun-ah, don’t be too hard on me. I thought you were so smart that you would know everything.”

“I don’t know. I’m an atheist.”

Go Yohan, who had been tilting his head back endlessly, suddenly leaned forward. Because of that, our eyes met, and without realizing it, I averted my gaze to the window as if pretending not to see. But for some reason, it felt like my solar plexus was being poked, and I felt like a thief who had been caught stealing.

I aimlessly turned my gaze from the window to near Go Yohan’s stiffly pressed shirt. The white shirt, without wrinkles, revealed his neck and then, following Go Yohan’s dynamic movements, suddenly revealed his collarbone.

“Really? Then would you like to go to church?”

“What? No.”

“Ah, why. Let’s go. If you go on weekends and Christmas, they give you presents too. Fruit, snacks, and tteokbokki.”

“Don’t tell me you go to church to get those?”

“Of course, that’s right.”

Only then did I properly look at Go Yohan’s face, and the pen placed on his lascivious lips caught my eye. At first, I couldn’t admit it because of my pride, but at this moment I had to admit that Go Yohan was handsome. That unlucky bastard. Finally, the pen stuck between his nose and upper lip interfered with the movement of his lips, creating a very inaccurate and full-of-complaints voice.

“But your tone is a bit much. It’s not like I’m taking it away. It’s good if they give it to me.”

“Is it okay to believe in religion with such impure intentions?”

“That’s how everyone starts. Originally, the start is just with good intentions. Oh? They give you delicious things, so that person must be a good person. Belief in God goes from a good person who gives snacks to absolute faith. The beginning and the process don’t matter. The present, that I believe now, is what’s important.”

Go Yohan often talks nonsense. Sometimes even Han Jun-woo gets caught up in it. Sometimes it’s really nonsense, and sometimes it’s something that even I get tempted by. Just now was the latter case.

I raised my left hand and swept back the bangs that were tickling my forehead. But because they were still obstructing my vision, this time I shook my head from side to side. Thin strands of hair fluttered in front of my eyes. Gathering my bangs near my temples made the tickling less annoying.

I had been so out of it that I had even forgotten to cut my hair.

Since Han Jun-woo and Han Tae-san weren’t coming, the front of the teacher’s desk was always empty. I never looked at that empty space. Six days ago, the Homeroom Teacher called me to the faculty room and asked if I had heard from Han Jun-woo, and I answered truthfully without hesitation.

“No, I haven’t.”

“You haven’t made up with Jun-woo yet, have you?”

I smiled bitterly without a word. It was a thoroughly intentional smile. Actually, I don’t even want to smile.

“Yes. Jun-woo is a bit… very angry with me.”

“Jun-woo got angry first? At you?”

“Yes.”

Since there were rumors, the Homeroom Teacher didn’t seem to be completely unaware of what I meant. The Homeroom Teacher said, “Okay. I understand,” and let me go, then sat down and muttered to herself. It seemed to be mostly complaints about Han Jun-woo and his Father’s shouting, but I turned my body as if I hadn’t heard the pathetic monologue, but I listened carefully. That’s how I grasped the atmosphere in the faculty room.

Also, after school, while I was preparing for tutoring at home, I received a call from Han Jun-woo’s Father. Just like the Homeroom Teacher, he asked if I knew where Han Jun-woo was, so I answered like this.

“No, Jun-woo doesn’t contact me anymore either.”

-I see…….

“I’m really sorry that I can’t be of help.”

-No. Why would you be sorry? It’s okay.

Lately, Han Jun-woo’s Father’s calls have been more frequent than usual. But each time, a similar conversation unfolded. I hurriedly ended the call, feeling a subtly attempt to link Han Jun-woo and me closely.

Actually, there’s nothing to be sorry about. But I say I’m sorry to be liked. It’s like saying that a newborn baby who isn’t even pretty is pretty. I think this kind of rhetoric is a kind of etiquette that is generally accepted in society. So I don’t think adults are being played by me. Rather, I thought my politeness was closer to a clown’s clumsy farce. I always knew my place.

Therefore, I, who am trying to be loved, will surely become a clown who is quite loved as much as I try. If, later, I make a big mistake in the theater that makes people frown, I lay the groundwork to be looked upon kindly and forgiven. Unlike some moron. I am living in the world wisely.

Even if my thoughts, from an adult’s perspective, are nothing more than cunningly scheming with a narrow view, among my peers, I am undoubtedly a child who knows how to deal wisely with sudden events. I can say for sure that you can tell by looking at Park Dong-cheol.

Park Dong-cheol was the most actively trying to get on Go Yohan’s good side. In addition, he was friendly to me, who, in the eyes of others, had sided with Go Yohan early on. Although he had previously been one of Han Jun-woo’s closest friends, he was now emphasizing that he and Han Jun-woo were not very close.

“That bastard. He was annoying for showing off because he had a lot of money and a pretty face. Honestly, Go Yohan is better looking. He’s also taller. Isn’t he? That’s right. Go Yohan is taller in that area too, right?”

Park Dong-cheol, raising his little finger high and wiggling it, approached Go Yohan superficially. It was a way of elevating Go Yohan while bringing down Han Jun-woo’s appearance. Han Jun-woo’s boast was about the nights he spent with numerous women, so Park Dong-cheol naturally superimposed that barbaric boast onto Go Yohan.

However, Lee Seok-hyun was openly playing with his phone, so much so that it was obvious he was listening to his words halfheartedly, while Kim Min-ho, who was focused on munching on a warmed sausage next to him, suddenly felt interested and joined in.

“Oh. Then did you look at Yohan’s thing in the bathroom? You bastard. Why are you peeking at other people’s things? Are you gay, you bastard? Didn’t you get infected from hanging out with Han Jun-woo? Oh? Oh la la?”

Park Dong-cheol’s face turned bright red with that malicious teasing, and he shut his mouth.

“Stop it. He’s pitiful. Do you think he wanted to hang out with Han Jun-woo all this time?”

Fortunately, if Kim Seok-min, who was a little close to Park Dong-cheol, hadn’t stopped Kim Min-ho, Park Dong-cheol might have cried. Kim Min-ho stuffed all the sausage into his mouth and opened his mouth wide enough to show the contents. And suddenly, he put his arm around Park Dong-cheol and patted Park Dong-cheol’s chest with the hand he had draped over him.

“Hey. You’re not sulking because I was joking, are you? Don’t be petty, man.”

Park Dong-cheol smiled, showing his teeth, but he definitely didn’t look like he was having fun. Kim Seok-min pushed Kim Min-ho’s hand away after seeing that uncomfortable face.

“Hey, hey. Kim Min-ho, stop it. Stop it. Hey, Park Dong-cheol. Do you want to go to the PC cafe after this?”

“Uh, uh? Oh, I’ll go, I’ll go.”

“Wait a minute. You two. Really? Really? Damn it. I can’t stand seeing that. No, it can’t be. Don’t go. You can’t go. Hurry up and split up. Split up! Hurry up!”

“Damn it. Kim Min-ho, stop it. I’m going to kill you.”

“Hey, Seok-min. Don’t look at me with such scary eyes. I’m just trying to get everyone to be friends, for you guys! It’s just a joke I’m playing. So I’ll come along too. Hey. Prince. You too?”

“I’m okay. I’m going home early.”

Lee Seok-hyun, whose nickname was ‘Prince,’ waved his hand and refused. The moment he buried his head in his phone, three gazes that had lost their way turned to me. Among them, Kim Seok-min spoke first.

“Kang Jun, you can’t go today either? As expected, it must be really hard for a model student to be stuck studying.”

“I guess so.”

“Shee-ba. Hey-hey. What’s the point of youth? Always studying. Studying. Instead of doing that, tell your parents to screw off and let’s go together. Let’s go. Can’t we do that? You won’t get caught for just one day anyway.”

“It’s really not possible. Just have fun, the three of you.”

“Wow-. Kang Jun is such a prude. A loser. A guy with no fun in his life.”

“Man. Kang Jun was always a complete prude even when he was hanging out with Han Jun-woo.”

“Shee-baa. Dong-cheol, Park Dong-cheol! I know that, I know. Kang Jun used to hang out with us even when you were hanging out with Han Jun-woo, right? If you don’t know, shut your mouth and get lost. And, and hey. Let’s not talk about Han Jun-woo when it’s just us, humanly speaking. I still get chills when I think about that gay bastard. I somehow never wanted to be close to that bastard from the beginning. Ugh-ugh.”

“Ah, sorry.”

“It’s okay. What are you sorry about, Dong-cheol? And Min-ho, you’re being ridiculous. Didn’t you guys hang out together on Han Jun-woo’s birthday? Ah. Kang Jun, you weren’t there then either, were you?”

“Yeah. I had tutoring then.”

“That’s right. Kang Jun noticed Han Jun-woo’s evil intentions first. Damn it. I was temporarily blinded by Han Jun-woo’s money at that time. Damn it! Damn it!”

Kim Min-ho put his fingers to his forehead and shook his head. Lee Seok-hyun was giggling, having taken his eyes off his phone at some point. And he put his phone in his pocket and stood up.

“Eh, I’m just going too.”

“Where to. PC cafe? With us?”

“Where else? Of course.”

When Lee Seok-hyun changed his mind and the three guys clenched their fists and rejoiced, the back door of the classroom opened with a loud bang. It was Go Yohan. Kim Min-ho scolded him for that noisy entrance. As if he was looking for an opportunity. Even though it was obvious that he was under Go Yohan, Kim Min-ho often looked for opportunities like this and raised his voice towards Go Yohan.

“Ah, damn it, Go Yohan! You bastard! Can’t you see the kids are studying? Wow, seriously! So inconsiderate.”

“Oh, that’s right. I’m sorry. My beloved friends.”

Go Yohan put both palms on his stomach, bowed with his hands clasped, and then, as soon as he sat down, rubbed his red hands on his thighs, as if he had washed them with cold water, and laughed, shaking his head slightly and speaking playfully.

“Please forgive Yohan.”

“Okay, are you going with us, Yohan?”

“What. Where to?”

“PC cafe. Right in front.”

“Are you crazy? If you’re going to ruin your lives, just ruin your own.”

“Go Yohan’s life is no less boring than Kang Jun’s. Everyone lives so boringly.”

“You guys will start living really boring lives from the time you’re thirty. Trash.”

“Damn it. Get lost. Hey. We’re just going to play for an hour and then come back. It’s recess, recess!”

Kim Min-ho raised his fist slightly to threaten him, but Go Yohan, who was actually threatened, ended the match by kicking Kim Min-ho’s thigh first. That’s how Kim Min-ho’s small bluff ended in defeat.

The loser jumped up from his seat and screamed strangely like an strangled duck, and when Kim Seok-min and Park Dong-cheol laughed at the sound, Kim Min-ho punched Park Dong-cheol’s arm, saying, “You’re laughing? You’re laughing?”

After such a commotion passed, the three of them burst out of the classroom.

Park Dong-cheol waved at me before leaving the classroom. Well, I had no reason to refuse, so I waved back. Then, I properly sat down and took out a book from my desk. Before grabbing my mechanical pencil and starting to solve the problems, I looked up and scanned the entire rectangular concrete room before burying my head in my desk.

While tapping the lead of my mechanical pencil on the paper at the beginning of the third problem, I suddenly looked up. The ginkgo trees turning yellow were visible outside the window. A pungent odor filled the school. The contrasting blue sky caught my eye.

“I’d rather be at an all-girls high school.”

The old head of the Korean Language Teacher, who taught Korean history, would say this habitually.

“It’s like a jungle. A jungle. All the boys try to establish a hierarchy first. Around May, the hierarchy gets sorted out, and it gets a little easier. But until then, there’s fighting, guys showing off, guys trying to get on the Teacher’s nerves, oh my head. I have to watch this power struggle again next year when the new students come in. Let’s see. What zodiac sign will the kids be next year?”

Then, he would spread his palm wide and mutter while counting the knuckles.

“Rat, Ox, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Sheep. Let’s see. Then……”

I followed his memory and spread my palm, counting the knuckles of my fingers. But soon, I didn’t know how to continue, so I stopped and flipped my hand over, this time counting the bones protruding on the back of my hand. 1, 31, 2, 28, 3, 31, 4, 30, 5, 31, 6, 30, 7, 31, 8, 31……. 9.

I, in early summer, didn’t know I would be facing the atmosphere of March at the end of September.

“All men are barbaric. They are irrational, emotional, and always reckless.”

Looking at the particularly protruding middle finger bone, I tapped the desk with my fingers like a piano. The sound of chalk hitting the blackboard mixed with the Teacher’s hoarse voice, as if he had a cold. I looked at the empty seat in front of the Teacher. For a moment, I thought I saw a head with one side pressed down and the other floating up, and the fingers tapping on the desk stopped abruptly.

“……”

Startled, I turned my head back. My gaze landed on Go Yohan, who was burying his head and staring intently at his workbook. His eyes were half-closed. I watched him take a stance as if he would devour the problems with his eyes wide open, then bury his forehead on the book again, and even saw his nose getting squished between his head and the book before turning back around.

“……Did I doze off for a second?”

I didn’t seem to be in my right mind. I put a star next to problem number 3 and solved problem number 4.

For lunch, we had curry and yogurt, and Go Yohan, who finished his yogurt first, suddenly asked about my grades.

“Right, you’re second in the class, right?”

“Huh? Yeah. That’s right.”

“Then what about the whole school?”

“Second.”

“Crazy.”

“Why?”

“Then the top student in our class is the top student in the whole school?”

“Didn’t you know? I’ve never been the top student in the class because of An Jisu.”

“She’s busier than you, right?”

“Yeah. Her academy classes end at 1 AM.”

“Wow, she’s tough.”

“She puts in the effort.”

I intended to cut off the conversation there and packed the rice tightly into my spoon. Fortunately, Go Yohan didn’t ask any more questions and just nodded.

“Ah-.”

The timing to end the conversation felt awkward. I hesitated whether to continue talking, but my dislike for awkward atmospheres made me rashly open my mouth.

“Then what rank are you?”

“……”

The chopsticks he was holding stopped abruptly. I suddenly looked at his hand. He’s surprisingly good at using chopsticks, which doesn’t suit him. If there’s one thing Go Yohan is good at, it might just be using chopsticks.

“In the class……”

“Yeah.”

“9th.”

“……What?”

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

I immediately took my eyes off Go Yohan’s hand.

Really? Not a lie? I was so taken aback that I almost asked that without realizing it, but thankfully, I stopped at just widening my eyes a little. Crap, I almost made a mistake. What if I hurt his pride and he started to dislike me?

And I pondered. Would Go Yohan like it if I praised him, or would he prefer it if I nonchalantly brushed it off as if it were obvious? My social skills always work like this.

Go Yohan didn’t seem to like his friends very much. So, let’s go with the latter.

“That’s better than I thought.”

“What? Than you thought? How much of an idiot did you think I was?”

“No, it’s not that I thought you were an idiot…… Didn’t you struggle a bit with Korean Language Teacher too?”

“I’m just not good at Korean Language Teacher. Just Korean Language Teacher.”

“You don’t go to any academies either.”

“Does not going to an academy mean you can’t study well? Seriously, were you looking down on me like a dog?”

“No. No. It’s not like that.”

I hurriedly waved my hands.

“You don’t go to academies, but you’re doing great.”

“……Really?”

“Yeah. You’re doing great.”

What is it, Go Yohan is unnecessarily pressing down on the rice with his spoon. His ears, which were briefly visible, were red, as if he were embarrassed.

Come to think of it, Han Jun-woo was 32nd. That was also because the other kids were below him. 32nd out of 36. Looking back, I realized that when I was obsessed with Han Jun-woo, I didn’t even notice the small details other than things related to Han Jun-woo.

And then I realized that I was indulging in the pathetic behavior of being deeply in love, which I had so despised, and I was mortified.

On the other hand, Go Yohan seemed to have gained unexpected pride from my words. His voice was different from when he had hesitated to reveal his grades earlier. This time, he spoke in a boastful tone, showing his teeth.

“That’s right. That’s right. You don’t know, do you? I’m good at English.”

“Really? How much?”

“Perfect score. I’ve never had a point deducted in English.”

“Cough!”

When an unexpected word came out, I ended up spitting out the water I was drinking. Go Yohan frowned and pulled his tray closer to himself.

“Hey, what’s that reaction right now?”

“No, it’s just that I was surprised.”

“Are you that surprised?”

Go Yohan frowned and pouted his lips in dissatisfaction.

“Yeah. It’s just that your Korean Language Teacher is a 4th grade.”

I jokingly replied to his subtly self-deprecating words.

“Read some books.”

“What are you talking about? I’m a complete literary boy.”

“A literary boy, I’ve never seen you read a book.”

“That’s because I secretly read them at home.”

“No, why would you even have to read them secretly?”

At my words, Go Yohan squinted his eyes, which had been curved in a smile, and put a spoonful of rice in his mouth. Then, he slightly covered the top of the spoon with his lips. As I watched him, I felt uneasy and slightly bit the inside of my gums. Go Yohan looked at my face, parted his lips, and lowered his head to kiss the end of the spoon.

“Erotic novels are novels too.”

It’s clearly a joke. Damn it. I grabbed a piece of tissue that was next to my tray to hide my flushed face. Then, I crumpled the tissue and threw it at Go Yohan’s face. The tissue flew and lightly hit below his long eyes, and the eye on the side where the tissue fell slightly narrowed.

Of course, it’s none of my business, but I pretended to be sorry, just in case Go Yohan got angry.

“Don’t do such weird things, especially not in an all-boys school. It’s unpleasant.”

“Weird things? Ah. This? Han Jun-woo’s thing?”

“Whether it’s Han Jun-woo or whatever, just don’t do it.”

“Isn’t this what’s popular among us these days?”

“……”

I looked at Go Yohan’s eyes, not knowing if he was teasing or being serious.

I was sleeping less. It was clear evidence that my body was feeling comfortable. The mornings, which used to be stuffy as if I had eye boogers, had turned into quite refreshing and cheerful mornings. This change was pretty good because the sins I wanted to avoid the most were complacency and sleeping in. At eighteen, even sleeping can sometimes be a sin.

“Ah, damn……”

I frowned as I brushed my teeth, hearing the sound of my jawbone misaligning. After being hit by Han Jun-woo, my jaw would often make a clicking sound when I opened my mouth. Other than that, it was a generally satisfactory day. However, even in this peaceful life, there were times when I suddenly felt unpleasant. The cause was all Han Jun-woo. To be precise, it was the events caused by Han Jun-woo himself.

Most of those events happened at school.

“Right. I saw Han Jun-woo last night.”

Lee Seok-hyun, who was eating a snack bar hamburger that was rumored to be made by grinding chicken heads or clumping together leftover meat scraps, said. Kim Min-ho grabbed Lee Seok-hyun’s ankle and pretended to chop it with his hand, then his eyes sparkled.

“Shibaal- Right. Right. Seok-hyun, you brought it up. I was going to tell that story too. I heard it from someone. You know Seung-wan hyung, right? Right? Hey. That wandering gay guy. They said he’s staying at that hyung’s house?”

“Seung-wan hyung? Show-off Park Seung-wan?”

Go Yohan asked while rummaging through the bag. Two small lollipops came out of his hand. And for some reason, he handed one of them to me.

“……?”

I was taken aback by the sudden lollipop.

“……What is it?”

When I looked at Go Yohan with a puzzled face, Go Yohan just lightly nodded his head. The one who showed a bigger reaction was Kim Min-ho, who had his snack bag snatched away.

“Shi-bal. I bought it, and you guys are eating it all up and acting like that. Shi-i-bal bastards.”

“Didn’t you steal and eat mine? You pig.”

This time, Lee Seok-hyun pretended to chop Kim Min-ho’s neck with his hand. Kim Min-ho quickly turned around, grabbed Lee Seok-hyun by the collar, and pretended to punch him hard. They would never actually hit each other anyway. That was the relationship between Lee Seok-hyun and Kim Min-ho.

I took my eyes off their insignificant prank and looked at the lollipop in my hand.

The lollipop wrapper had a picture of a small lemon cut in half. I just grabbed the end of the wrapper and pulled it up hard to peel it off, put it in my mouth, rolled it around on my tongue, and looked up,

“How is it? The taste of first love.”

Go Yohan grinned and laughed.

“I don’t like lemon flavor.”

My answer was an evaluation of Go Yohan’s prank. Besides, I wasn’t happy about ‘first love’ either. That unpleasant and uncomfortable feeling swirled in my head and even made me lose my appetite. In the end, I couldn’t even finish the lollipop and threw it in the trash.

“What a waste.”

Go Yohan covered his cheeks with both hands. I ignored his unfunny joke and rummaged through Kim Min-ho’s black plastic bag again to find a new lollipop. They were all either lemon or lime. Lime was better than lemon, so I picked a lime-flavored lollipop. I peeled off the wrapper, put it in my mouth, and said.

“By the way, Seung-wan hyung, that’s just like Han Jun-woo.”

“Why? Because they’re both sluts?”

Go Yohan was throwing out sharp words again. I felt uncomfortable and stared at him silently, and Go Yohan rolled the lollipop in his mouth with a blank expression. The white stick slightly went in and out of his mouth. I took the lollipop out of my mouth for a moment. I felt very uneasy. But Go Yohan didn’t care at all and started to stab the air here and there with the lollipop in earnest.

“That hyung is flirting around so flamboyantly, without distinguishing between upper and lower class, to manage his customers. And if there’s someone good among his regular customers, he immediately tips off Han Jun-woo. They take turns banging and giving it up.”

“Then is Park Seung-wan also gay?”

Kim Min-ho suddenly chimed in. I don’t know when their playful fight ended, or if he quickly stopped playing and perked up his ears because he heard an interesting story. He covered his chin with his fingers as if he was thinking. Next to him, Lee Seok-hyun burst out laughing. Lee Seok-hyun stretched out his arm and said.

“He’s not gay, but he’s like brothers with gay guys. They share everything.”

“Yeah. They’re practically sharing their dicks.”

Kim Seok-min chimed in.

That’s how Kim Min-ho and Kim Seok-min’s comedy duo started.

“Honestly, Han Jun-woo got taken advantage of. He’s an idiot. Just by looking at him, you can tell that the young bastard is paying for the hotel, wow. Shibal, usually it’s just a motel. Who’s the sucker who goes to a hotel? Oh, wait, he’s here. Hahaha. He even takes them to a hotel and offers his young and firm meat. What did he get in return? Han Jun-woo is a complete whore, isn’t he?”

“He got eaten by mature older sisters.”

“That’s right. He got eaten in a spectacular way. Ah, shibal, I’m jealous. He had not only his money but also the sperm in his balls squeezed out. When he gets married later, all that will be given to his wife is empty balls.”

“Wife?”

The sound of a lollipop being crushed with teeth was heard. The white lollipop stick bounced up from Go Yohan’s lips due to the recoil. The end of the lollipop stick was pressed tightly with his teeth, losing its original shape and becoming grotesquely tattered. The stick, which seemed like it would bounce up endlessly, soon plummeted to the ground.

“Are you talking about Han Tae-san?”

A harmless joke suddenly turned to Han Tae-san. I took my eyes off the stick that had fallen on the floor and looked at Go Yohan. Go Yohan opened his mouth and put his thumb in it. Go Yohan’s teeth were quite sharp, and his Canine Tooth were really as sharp as Canine Tooth. He put his thumb on the end of those Canine Tooth and pressed down hard.

Go Yohan had this childish side to him. Sometimes, if everyone’s attention wasn’t directed at him, he would create a grim atmosphere. What a childish guy, he’s not mature at all.

And there are no variables. As always, he concentrates the attention on himself as Go Yohan intended. The first one to notice was Lee Seok-hyun. Lee Seok-hyun stuck his butt close to the desk and made a clear sound by hitting his thumb and middle finger together.

“Right. Right. He was also gay, right?”

Go Yohan smiled at those words. And he suddenly spoke to me.

“Let’s eat one more snack. Give me that bag.”

“Oh, oh. Hey! Wait a minute, you guys! Yohan, Kang Jun. Don’t do that shit. Didn’t you learn from the Teacher before your pubes even grew that stealing will get your hands chopped off? Shibaal. These bastards don’t know morality. Morality!”

“Morality my ass. The one who looked away is at fault. Min-ho, I’ll eat a sausage bread.”

Lee Seok-hyun also participated in the obvious theft. He snatched the bag I was holding and took out a sausage bread. The bag had already passed into Go Yohan’s hands. But Kim Min-ho was more enraged by the sausage bread that Lee Seok-hyun had taken than the bag.

“Hey! Lee Seok-hyun! You’re dead if you take that. Ah, damn it, really!”

“Oh. Okay. Thanks, I’ll enjoy it.”

Amidst the commotion, Go Yohan quietly looked inside the bag. Then, he took out a chocolate bread and a small snack. And he just threw the remaining bag on the floor. It was absurd. Looking at it, that bastard is the most selfish.

“Ah! Shibal! Don’t do that!”

Kim Min-ho screamed as he looked at the snacks scattered on the floor. And as if he were playing soccer, he used his left and right feet to gather them all between his legs.

“Min-ho, just give in. Look at the kids. Isn’t it the time when they’re most hungry?”

“Seok-min, you shut up. If you’re hungry, buy your own! And you, Go Yohan, you shameless bastard. Spit out the lollipop that you and that nerd bastard ate too.”

Kim Min-ho reached out his hand towards Go Yohan, but Go Yohan rolled his eyes around in a circle and just smiled slightly, pretending not to know. And as if to show off, he gave me a chocolate-flavored bread.

“Here, this is yours.”

“……”

“What. Why are you looking at me like that?”

“It’s nothing. Thank you. I’ll enjoy it.”

It was a thank you that contained no sincerity at all. But at my answer, Go Yohan slightly pouted his lips and pretended to blow a kiss to me with his palm. I tore the bread without meaning and watched the scene. And the reason why I unconsciously wiggled my thighs was because of the emotions of a teenage boy whose feelings were fluctuating and who didn’t know what he was saying.

I left the bread on the desk as it was and sucked on the lollipop in my mouth, mulling over the conversation with Go Yohan, which was actually uncomfortable. I knew very well why that conversation was uncomfortable, but I didn’t want to admit it. It was clearly visible even without looking, and it felt like I could grab it if I reached out, but all that was grabbed was a hazy fog.

I held the stick and rolled the lollipop around in my mouth.

Is he really with Park Seung-wan? Park Seung-wan, who had no reliable background and spent his school days like a thug, and after graduating, worked as a pimp at a nightclub. To be honest, he was like a future Kim Min-ho. Lee Seok-hyun, Kim Min-ho, and Park Seung-wan, weren’t they all living the same kind of life? It was ridiculous.

“The bastards who ate my snacks, give me the money back quickly! Ah, give me the money back!”

Kim Min-ho shouted loudly. He didn’t consider the kids who were left in the class to study at all. That was the same for the others. Lee Seok-hyun punched Kim Min-ho’s arm and shouted.

“You bastard. The money you borrowed from me and ran away with is enough to buy a hundred of these hamburgers.”

“Ah! My money!”

The back of the classroom became a mess with Lee Seok-hyun and Kim Min-ho’s screams. The two seemed so caught up in their back-and-forth fight that they were oblivious to everything else. Unpleasant gazes from the front of the classroom turned to the back.

“That bastard is annoying these days.”

I turned my head at the words carried on the wind. Go Yohan was the source. I met Go Yohan’s eyes as he sat in his chair.

“……”

Go Yohan looked at my face and suddenly reached out his hand towards me. My eyes were drawn to his neatly trimmed nails, and I sat there stiff as a board. I just watched as Go Yohan’s long fingers came and twisted around the white stick hanging from my lips like a snake.

Go Yohan’s hand slowly tightened and pulled. A sticky mass slid down my tongue and brushed against my lips. Then, the hot, heavy lump popped out of my mouth.

“I’ll enjoy it.”

The melted lollipop was shoved between his slightly smiling lips. And Go Yohan, who licked his tongue as if wiping the saliva from my candy, said with a smile.

“Why?”

Go Yohan laughs a lot. But not all of his laughter is as pleasant as his humor.

“That’s disgusting.”

“Don’t you know? Exchanging saliva boosts immunity.”

“……Really disgusting.”

I tightly closed my mouth, which was cracked and dry like parched earth. Go Yohan put his hand on his thigh, then straightened his back, sweeping his hand all the way to his knee, making his clothes rustle. I curled all my fingers up and hid them in my palm.

I know. I know I’m an idiot, I know it well.

Go Yohan, sitting in a slouched position with his hand on his knee, shoved the candy into his mouth and shrugged his shoulders.

“You said you don’t like lemon flavor, right?”

He said that and sucked on the candy. The sound of air escaping between his lips repeated. 9th in the class. Go Yohan’s lips, living a surprisingly ordinary life.

“That’s lime flavor.”

“Then it doesn’t matter. I like lime flavor.”

“……”

And disgustingly, Go Yohan licked the candy that someone else had been eating very well.

Another day passed. As autumn approached, and the school, anticipating the harsh winter that would rush in under the flawless blue sky, became sharper and heavier than any other place. Teachers felt a sense of responsibility, and students were burdened with the momentous duty of marking a line in their lives. But there are exceptions to everything.

Han Jun-woo, Kim Min-ho, Park Dong-cheol, Lee Seok-hyun, Kim Seok-min, and others, a group that had been eliminated from the square of model students, were like pawns that had to be discarded to lead the majority to success. As time passed, the punishment for their wanderings became more lenient, and interest waned. The only difference was that Han Jun-woo had prominent parents, which made him a headache.

The really pitiful one is Han Tae-san. If he hadn’t been caught up with Han Jun-woo, he could have entered a decent university, earned a degree, and worked for a company that he wouldn’t be ashamed to tell others about. No, even if his grandmother hadn’t gotten pancreatic cancer.

But I decided to ignore everything that happened to the group outside the square. Because I know very well that it’s the most desirable thing for my life.

Living with that determination, I encountered something that I would have to face someday.

Every event has the potential to happen. Even the idiot Han Jun-woo, who has no sense of planning, accelerated the path to that possibility.

Han Jun-woo returned to the classroom.

I quietly clicked my tongue.

It was because I saw Han Jun-woo lying face down on his desk in front of the teacher’s podium through the window of the unopened back door. Eventually, Han Jun-woo’s Father found Han Jun-woo. I heard the news from Han Jun-woo’s Father.

The fact that he’s here now means he was caught almost 20 days after running away, which is a very awkward amount of time. If he was going to run away, he should have gone to some remote rural area. I wonder why he was loitering nearby as if he wanted to be found right away.

I put my finger on the part where the two doors overlapped and tapped it.

It’s really uncomfortable to go in.

While I was hesitating, my gaze reached the back of Han Jun-woo’s head. A few strands of his thick, stiff hair stuck up. I used to stroke it down with my hand, using it as an excuse. As I reminisced about old memories that were now fading, I gave up my lingering feelings and turned around to head to the first floor. Because I knew that there would be no good if I ran into Han Jun-woo when there were few people around.

The school has many eyes. Even if Han Jun-woo spoke to me calmly, rumors would spread that Han Jun-woo and Kang Jun were talking alone. Eventually, it would swell to an unexpected size. And if the crazy Han Jun-woo hit me again, there’s nothing worse than that. Kang Jun being beaten by Han Jun-woo. It’s humiliating and humiliating.

The best option would be for Han Jun-woo to ignore me, but I’m not stupid enough to rely on a mere one-third probability. The wisest choice is to eliminate the bad situation itself when no one knows.

So I went back to the first floor and loitered around the shoe locker area. Ten minutes before the school gate closed, I mingled with the crowd of students. I finally found the seat where I should have been sitting and solving problems.

I tried not to pay attention to anything that happened because of Han Jun-woo, no. In fact, I tried not to let anyone know that I had a great interest, and my constant efforts were quite successful.

But Han Jun-woo is my biggest variable. Annoyance and disgust wash over me. Fuck. Discomfort and anxiety gradually consumed my emotions. The phenomenon became even worse after Go Yohan came to school.

Go Yohan approached Han Jun-woo without any hesitation. He even greeted him.

“Long time no see. Han Jun-woo?”

I was so dumbfounded by his welcoming tone that I was speechless. When I looked up, Go Yohan was standing there with his bag on his shoulder, pulling the corners of his mouth up into a forced smile. Han Jun-woo just nodded without answering.

“What’s with the cold reaction?”

It didn’t seem like the person who kicked Han Jun-woo’s desk and caused him to fall in this square classroom while he was away should be saying that. But I didn’t want to get involved in such trivial matters, so I lowered my head again and tried to focus on the ‘real’ problems on my desk. But my Homeroom Teacher came in to get ready for morning assembly, and it was all for naught.

The Homeroom Teacher was really happy that Han Jun-woo had returned, and he clearly felt guilty that Han Tae-san had not yet returned. He’s such a timid and weak person.

“Tae-san didn’t come today either.”

That’s how he tried to express what he wanted to say by muttering to himself. And the fact that he finished by tapping the attendance book on his desk was proof of that.

The incident happened sooner than expected.

Han Jun-woo, who checked inside his desk to take out his textbook, frowned slightly as he rummaged through the filthy drawer. When two or three students who had left their textbooks in the lockers at the back of the classroom raised their hands and went out, Han Jun-woo’s expression, who went out with them, was even worse.

Since he was a kid who didn’t study at all, it wouldn’t have mattered much to him whether he had a textbook or not. Maybe the problem Han Jun-woo was having was that something with his name on it had disappeared.

Everyone in the classroom knows the truth. But everyone acted as if they had promised not to say anything. Facts such as who threw away Han Jun-woo’s textbook and who provided the opportunity.

“Who is it.”

As soon as the class ended, the moment everyone had been expecting began.

“I said, who is it.”

Han Jun-woo, with his hands in his school uniform pants, raised his chin and said. The guys who didn’t like this situation slipped out of the classroom, and the guys who were interested in the incident glanced at it. In that situation, Go Yohan, who was writing something on his textbook with a dirty, stubby pencil that had bite marks all over it, said nonchalantly.

“What?”

“Who is it?”

“What are you talking about? I can’t understand unless you tell me instead of muttering to yourself.”

Shameless. Really shameless. So shameless that I was speechless.

“The bastard who threw away all my textbooks.”

Of course, Han Jun-woo knew that it wasn’t just a coincidence that they disappeared. Especially a guy like Han Jun-woo, who is sensitive to hierarchy like a wild animal. Also, the fact that Go Yohan didn’t answer ‘who’ meant that Go Yohan had condoned the truth. Of course, even a fool knows that. But Go Yohan was still joking as if he didn’t know the seriousness of the situation.

“Did you even have a textbook? You were always lying face down on your desk, sleeping.”

See, he’s saying useless things and giggling again. Of course, Han Jun-woo wouldn’t accept this atmosphere.

“Okay, Kang Jun, was it you?”

And of course, I’m included in that condoning. Of course, any fool knows that too.

“……No.”

Han Jun-woo, who is more wild and less civilized than anyone else in this classroom and only does stupid things, was feeling his fall with his skin. Because all emotions and memories are recorded in people’s eyes and space. But we, who share the same space, pretended that nothing had happened.

“Hey- surely our model student Jun-i wouldn’t treat the textbooks he loves so cruelly.”Go Yohan – damn it, why do you keep butting in.”

“Butting in? If a friend is in an unfair situation, I should help him.”What is this idiot saying.””Idiot?” That’s a bit harsh.”

“Don’t bullshit me. Who else but you two could have fucked up the atmosphere like this while I was gone?”

Han Jun-woo snorted. Only then did Go Yohan put the pencil down on the desk. His slightly pouting mouth was still full of mockery. Han Jun-woo distorted his face as if he was displeased. At that moment, Han Jun-woo, unable to contain his anger, threw a bag that was lying around. The problem was that the bag that flew hit my chest hard.

“Ah!”

It didn’t hurt much because there wasn’t much in it, but I was surprised. I frowned as I looked at the bag that fell on my lap.

“This crazy bastard is throwing things around.”

Before I could say anything, Go Yohan cut me off. His already sinister voice was full of annoyance. At that moment, Han Jun-woo slowly raised the corners of his mouth.

“Ah, I get it.”

He had the look of someone who had won. What does he get? My furrowed eyebrows didn’t think of returning.

“Go Yohan. Kang Jun. Are you two fucking?”

“What?”

I was speechless, and Go Yohan’s playful smile disappeared in an instant. I was more dumbfounded than Han Jun-woo, who had lost his textbook. Go Yohan seemed to feel the same way.

“Han Jun-woo, I’m sorry. I couldn’t hear you well because what you said was so terrible.

Go Yohan put his palm near his ear, clearly having heard it. It was clearly mockery without even thinking about it. And Go Yohan, who I had been observing, doesn’t end with one mockery. You can think of it as the start of mockery. Sensing the uneasy atmosphere, I got up from my seat. In the meantime, Go Yohan put his pinky finger in his ear.

“Do gays only see other gays? And my earhole isn’t Han Tae-san’s rear end, so no matter how much you drip semen, yours won’t go in.”Damn you!””

Han Jun-woo suddenly couldn’t contain his anger and rushed at him.

“Go Yohan!”

After shouting Go Yohan’s name loudly enough to fill the classroom, he quickly hit Go Yohan’s face without giving him a chance to dodge. Go Yohan, who was hit by the surprise attack, fell off his chair and slammed his face into the floor.

Without stopping there, Han Jun-woo sat heavily on Go Yohan’s stomach and hit his face twice. He punched his jaw again. The classroom was filled with noise, and in the middle of the sounds of violence, Go Yohan cursed in a slurred voice. Fuck. This bastard. The unfinished words were repeated.

“……!”

In a brief moment, Go Yohan raised his right hand and hit Han Jun-woo’s side. Han Jun-woo lost his balance for a moment and fell to the side, and Go Yohan pushed away Han Jun-woo, who was in an awkward position, and got up.

“Ah, that really hurts.”

Go Yohan’s face was covered in blood. Go Yohan shook his hands and wiped both cheeks with his palms. The color of the flowing blood faded and spread all over his face. Go Yohan shook his hands again, opened his mouth, and put two fingers in his mouth. And he grabbed one of the sharp Canine Tooth on the right. The tooth that was grabbed was noticeably shaking. When I looked closely, the root was already exposed.

Maybe Go Yohan is good at creating a sense of fear or turning a situation filled with fear into a playful one. He had the ability to bring together words that didn’t go together. That’s why I got goosebumps. To Go Yohan, who was about to show that ability. He grabbed the tooth, shook it a few times, and then pulled it out with his own hand.

“Gasp……”

A shocked sound was heard from somewhere. There was a scarlet tooth between his reddened fingers. Is that bastard crazy? Someone next to me said in a slightly frightened voice.

“Isn’t that guy crazy?”

I turned my head towards the source. It was Park Dong-cheol.

So what did I do? I grabbed Park Dong-cheol’s shoulder, who was watching Go Yohan’s unfavorable situation, and lowered my voice.

“Go to the cafeteria and buy me a pack of milk.”

I had heard that if you put a freshly pulled tooth in milk, you can put it back in its original place later. The tooth covered in blood drew a bright line in my head. Park Dong-cheol nodded his head shallowly up and down a few times. And he was about to go to the cafeteria, but this time he stopped in an awkward position and asked.

“With my money?”Ah, damn…”

I glared at his pathetic face, arguing over something that wasn’t worth much. Only then did he start moving with small steps, looking around.

“……Okay, I’ll buy it.”

“You’re busy. Now.”

“Yeah.”

“Sorry. I’m counting on you.”

Actually, I’m not sorry at all. I watched Park Dong-cheol’s back and sighed, grabbing whatever was nearby. I needed something to replace the tension.

It shouldn’t turn into Han Jun-woo’s advantage. Go Yohan had to win. That was how I could survive here. I had to crush Han Jun-woo down below so that I could survive in this square jungle. I must live in the small triangle at the highest point. I trembled with anxiety.

Kim Min-ho looked back and forth between Han Jun-woo and Go Yohan and muttered curses to himself. Most of them were curses about Han Jun-woo.

Han Jun-woo, who had been writhing on the floor for a while, holding his side, was standing up and facing Go Yohan. Compared to Go Yohan, whose mouth was stained with reddish-yellow blood, Han Jun-woo had a clean face as if he hadn’t been hit. But Go Yohan had more composure. It’s a strange thing. Or maybe he’s acting like he has composure. Go Yohan didn’t even wipe his mouth properly and tucked his bangs between his left fingers and pushed them back.

“Hey, Han Jun-woo.”

“……”

“Here, take this.”

Go Yohan must be really crazy.

“Really crazy bastard……”

He threw his tooth at Han Jun-woo. About forty pairs of eyes gathered and scattered towards the white tooth. Han Jun-woo’s gaze, like everyone else’s, reached Go Yohan’s discarded tooth, and when his face was frowning with displeasure, Go Yohan quickly raised his foot and kicked Han Jun-woo’s knee.

There was a sound like wood hitting wood. As Han Jun-woo, staggering, tried to maintain his balance by widening his stride, Go Yohan, who had gained the upper hand in position, grabbed Han Jun-woo’s hair and pulled him down. Han Jun-woo bent forward with a faint groan, and Go Yohan hit Han Jun-woo’s face head-on with his knee. When Han Jun-woo grabbed the buckle of Go Yohan’s pants, Go Yohan grabbed Han Jun-woo’s collar and pulled him down again, this time hitting his nose hard. The area near the knees of Go Yohan’s fallen school uniform pants was stained with a dark color.

“Wow. That’s dirty. Did you want to win that badly? I didn’t think Han Jun-woo was like that, but he’s incredibly petty.”

Go Yohan, his face smeared with blood from his burst lip, grinned maliciously. He licked the blood seeping from his lips with his tongue, then scanned the unscathed faces. He spat a wad of blood-flecked saliva onto Han Jun-woo’s head, then lifted his foot and kicked Han Jun-woo’s right ear. The large body, swaying from the impact, threatened to fly to the opposite side of the room, but the grip on his hair held him back.

“I went easy on you ’cause you’re supposed to be a friend, but you’re really pushing it, you son of a bitch.”

Go Yohan gripped Han Jun-woo’s head tightly and pressed it down towards the floor. Han Jun-woo, his body bent low, groaned, then suddenly twisted his waist even further. He was throwing off Go Yohan’s balance. Go Yohan’s weight shifted forward, making him stagger. Han Jun-woo seized the opportunity and threw himself at Go Yohan’s lower body. It was Han Jun-woo’s plan all along. And so, Han Jun-woo and Go Yohan rolled across the floor.

It was the start of a dogfight, pure and simple. No matter how strong they were, they were just high schoolers fighting. And from the classroom, which had been filled with only small murmurs, a chorus of complaints finally erupted.

“Hey! Someone stop Yohan! Hey! Go Yohan! Stop it!”

“What the fuck are you looking at? Anyone who’s not in this class, get the hell out!”

“Hey! Close the windows!”

“Class president! This is bad! Go get the Teacher!”

“Kang Jun! Here!”

Amidst the commotion, Park Dong-cheol squeezed his way through. I took the carton of milk Park Dong-cheol offered, but my eyes remained glued to the tangled mess of bodies. Han Jun-woo rolling on the floor, just like I had once. And Go Yohan’s tooth, lying discarded. I tightened my grip on the milk carton. A vortex of anxiety and pleasure swirled within me.

Go Yohan had to win this fight. For me. For my life. I had lived an exceptional life, always occupying a position superior to others.

I clenched the hand holding the milk carton and took a step forward.

Two lions tangled amidst the surrounding, smelly bodies. Just like Park Dong-cheol, I pushed through the noisy crowd, taking advantage of the gaps in the throng to reach out and tug hard on the nearest piece of clothing. Then, I quickly picked up Go Yohan’s tooth that was rolling nearby.

I slipped back into the crowd and dropped Go Yohan’s tooth into the milk. When I looked up, the fight was already decided. Han Jun-woo’s body lay face up, his stomach exposed. Han Jun-woo was lying there, barely able to breathe. Lying with your stomach exposed is the posture of surrender and defeat, they say. I looked at Go Yohan.

Someone once said that love missed is nothing but a disaster. Han Jun-woo. You were my disaster. So why did I do something that would only cause me pain?

The loud, masculine shouts echoing through the space grew even louder, but to me, they sounded as indistinct as the echoes of a valley heard five times over. Time slowed, and I saw Go Yohan get up and pick up a chair that was lying nearby.

“Go Yohan! Go Yohan! You crazy bastard! Hey! Stop it!”

At that moment, Kim Min-ho’s choked voice rang out clearly, just as the chair leg, undoubtedly made of steel, fell towards Han Jun-woo’s face. Go Yohan was the one who lifted the chair.