By Zephyria 
I hear the sound of fabric rubbing against each other. It was the only noise in the quiet silence. I tried my best to act nonchalant and calmly raised my head. As expected, Go Yohan was lying on his side, propping up his chin and looking at me.
“What are you looking at?”
“Early dismissal pass.”
The mouth that covers the truth moved more easily than I thought. I lightly moved the fingers holding the Early dismissal pass, folding the palm-sized paper smaller. And just in case Go Yohan got curious, I put it in my narrow pocket.
“Wow, you’re really staring at that Early dismissal pass.”
“I can look, can’t I?”
Carrots and lies for Go Yohan, a chance to escape the trap for me. After saying that, I couldn’t even look at his face and was just looking at Go Yohan’s uniform intertwined with my blanket. Because Go Yohan’s face was cheese. Evil cheese placed between mousetraps. I hoped that Go Yohan would be fooled by my composure.
“Jun-ah, what are we going to do now?”
“Play? I have to study.”
“An hour is okay, isn’t it?”
“The college entrance exam is just around the corner…”
“You’re subtly avoiding me.”
Fortunately, Go Yohan didn’t seem interested in the sinister plan in my pants. To be honest, I was a little nervous. I thought Go Yohan might stride over with his long legs, snatch the paper from my pocket, and read it.
Go Yohan’s toes, long and stretched out beyond the bed, moved this way and that.
I watched the small wriggling. I wasn’t particularly interested in the movement. It was just to avoid looking at Go Yohan’s eyes as much as possible.
“…You’re being really cheap.”
Tsk, Go Yohan lightly clicked his tongue. I realized once again that Go Yohan has a strange ability to attract people’s attention with even small actions. Just like now. I ended up looking at Go Yohan for the sole reason that he clicked his tongue. It was a reflex.
“Jun-ah, I’m really bored.”
Go Yohan raised one corner of his lip and made a strange noise through the slightly open gap. Because of that, Go Yohan’s sharp Canine Tooth was clearly visible. The moment I suddenly remembered that people with sharp Canine Tooth often eat meat and are carnivorous.
“I said I’m bored?”
The Rosary still dangled annoyingly from the wrist of the hand propping up his chin. Sss-. This time, there was a sound of swallowing air between his teeth. Like an idiot, I looked up at Go Yohan again. Go Yohan was looking at me with an incomprehensible but somehow uncomfortable gaze.
“…Then just an hour.”
Just go back. Get out of my room quickly.
I couldn’t bring myself to say those words and accepted Go Yohan’s suggestion. The scales of my life keep appearing. Embracing Go Yohan and making school life easier, or abandoning Go Yohan and making my life easier.
“I feel a little bad.”
“About what?”
“It feels like I keep bothering you.”
Does the guy who knows say that? I suppressed the urge to swear at him right away. Let’s smile as kindly as possible. I suppressed the rising screams and repeated rational thoughts countless times.
“It’s okay. I have fun playing with you too.”
I put a lot of strength into it. Thanks to that, the corners of my mouth trembled. In moments when my expression seemed awkward, I raised my hand and half-covered my face. It was because I didn’t want to show him that I was forcing myself to say it. Being with Go Yohan is fun, but it’s not fun. I never dreamed that I would know this ironic feeling before I turned twenty. However, Go Yohan seems to have understood it differently.
“You know, you being shy is really cute.”
Cough, I coughed. Go Yohan was lying on my bed, looking at me. Go Yohan let out a dry laugh and turned his head the other way. I saw the disheveled back of Go Yohan’s head. I saw a strand of thin hair that had been tangled up falling off.
What was I thinking while looking at the back of his head? I think I thought he was a damn bastard.
After the incident with Hong Hwi-jun, my parents called me every day for video calls. And they asked me to show them not only my face but also my arms and legs, searching every inch for my injuries. My parents’ opinion on my injuries was this.
‘It’s because our son is so outstanding that they’re jealous. Those kids make mistakes. They have to look good to you. How dare they, their futures are different. That’s why lacking kids are no good. Damn kids. Call me right away if anything happens. Don’t worry about your parents and suffer in silence. Got it? I’m upset because our son is too kind.’
‘I’ll call you right away. And I’ll be careful first. I’m good at that, you know. I won’t make those mistakes again. Don’t worry too much.’
I only gave positive answers.
After being treated like a child being bullied at school, I went to the bathroom to wash up as soon as I hung up. Because I was lost in thought and had been under the water for a while, the tips of my fingers were wrinkled. Feeling bad, I turned off the water in one go and took out a towel.
I changed into the pajamas I had hung in front of the bathroom and towel-dried my hair. My feet in slippers made a sound as they hit the marble floor, and I headed to the bedroom. In the brightly lit bedroom, I saw the blanket that Go Yohan had messed up and the cell phone on the table below it. I looked at the two traces alternately.
Tadak, the hard-soled slippers walked slowly, very slowly, between the bed and the table.
“……”
And the first thing I did was bury my nose in the messed-up blanket and take a deep breath.
Hoo, with one inhale, the smell of fabric softener and a strangely cool, unfamiliar smell mixed in. When a gloomy scent like a winter dawn enters my nose, a cold scent enters my lungs along my blood vessels. That coercive and powerful force squeezes my lungs. It’s so painful and hot that my chest feels stuffy.
It’s strange, the scent is clearly cool, even cold, but how can it get so hot?
“……Haa.”
I kept that darkly lingering scent inside me until the end. Only when there was no scent left did I get up, tidy up the blanket, and pick up the cell phone.
Looking at the cracked black screen, one number comes to mind from my face reflected on the screen.
‘Shin Jae-hyun’
I rolled my lips into my mouth and turned on the screen.
I aimlessly swiped the screen up and down with my thumb. The screen moved busily. My thumb avoided it on purpose, tapping on the empty screen, and finally pressed the message. I covered my head with my remaining hand. A sigh escaped on its own. Do I really have to go this far? Me.
“I’m really pathetic, me.”
My fingers moved stiffly as if they didn’t want to move. The hand that hesitated once wrote easily as soon as it touched the keyboard for the first time. Rather, it’s written quickly because there are no feelings. The content was like this.
「Shin Jae-hyun, right? This is Kang Jun, but I’m sorry, can I ask you for a favor? I think I’ll be late for school tomorrow.」
I guess this is enough. Thoughtless thoughts lead to thoughtless actions. Well, everyone starts from zero and builds up from there. It’s better than minus. I reassured myself and put the cell phone back on the table. Now I just have to wait for a reply. I turned around. I should dry my hair first.
After drying my hair thoroughly and returning, I checked my cell phone, but there was no reply.
Why isn’t there a reply?
I bit my thumbnail with my front teeth. Leaning against the seat of the taxi heading to school, I was only staring at the screen in my hand. The time shown at the top indicated that I would arrive soon. It was definitely the time when three breaks had passed.
“Does he not check his messages often as I thought.”
I felt a little impatient because the message that I had just covered up thinking it would come soon had not arrived yet.
If this happens, there’s no need for me to go to the hospital to show my perfectly fine wrist. I’m annoyed. I feel like I wasted my time for nothing, and I wonder if I was being too conscious of Go Yohan for nothing. What am I, a cheating husband or something?
“Ah, I’m pissed.”
I wasn’t upset that I didn’t receive a message from Shin Jae-hyun, but I was angry at the thought that I had wasted my time. So, I was angry at myself. Why couldn’t I take more definite measures? But what’s already done can’t be helped.
I opened the window to cool down my head and looked at my cell phone again. My fingers moved quickly. Since I didn’t have any affection for the recipient, there was no need to come up with particularly delicate sentences. There couldn’t be any more insincerity than this.
「Sorry for sending it twice, but there was no reply. Do you have homework today?」
Let’s just ask directly. He can’t not answer if I do this. Then, as soon as I pressed the send button, I turned off the screen. I stuffed the large cell phone into my pocket. The slightly open window swallowed the season. Summer comes into the small taxi. Another round of exams will come.
When I stared blankly at the sky with dark clouds gathering, the driver, who had been driving quietly, spoke to me. It seemed like he couldn’t stand the silence.
“Are you a senior in high school?”
With my back deeply buried in the fake leather seat, I stared blankly at the taxi driver’s name tag. Then, I slowly raised my gaze and compared it to the face reflected in the rearview mirror. The photo on the name tag was too old and the face was not clearly visible. My eyes collided with the eyes reflected in the rearview mirror. I moved my gaze back to the window.
“Yes.”
After that, the conversation did not continue.
After arriving at school, I watched the back of the black taxi disappear as soon as it received the money and moved my feet. The school was quiet without even a small commotion, as if it had already started the fourth period class.
Usually, the students who walk around at this time are delinquent students.
To come in and out while walking around outside without even being sick, he’s become a thug. I let out a self-deprecating laugh and grabbed the railing of the stairs, going up one step at a time.
Then, I saw an unexpected person in the large window between the stairs connecting the first and second floors. It was because I raised my head and got up while the bird was passing by. I was startled and looked at the person who suddenly appeared without saying a word. It was Kim Min-ho.
“Hey, you!”
“Huh?”
Kim Min-ho also seemed surprised and hurriedly dusted off his body with his palms. How is he there? The person outside the window was clearly standing. Overcome with curiosity, I moved my feet, approached the window, and put my face against it. Surprisingly, the small ceiling covering the entrance of the central entrance was below that window.
“……I didn’t know there was a space like this here.”
“Ah, of all people to get caught by, it’s Kang Jun. The timing is fucking terrible. S-s-shit.”
When I stretched my head out further, I saw cigarette butts scattered around. Aha. I see.
“Do you secretly smoke here alone?”
“Why, are you going to snitch, you bastard?”
“No.”
What does it matter to me whether Kim Min-ho smokes here or not? I just shook my head slightly and turned back around. While listening to the small ss-sound coming from behind, I went up one step on the stairs, but really, suddenly, out of the blue, I don’t know why, but a small amount of pity arose very slightly. Maybe the incident in the computer lab a few days ago was the cause. Or maybe ‘Deposed Consort Kang’ written in the science lab was the cause.
“……Ah, right. I wasn’t going to say anything.”
Only the victim knows. That embarrassment. I can be sure. I can say with certainty. Deposed Consort Kang is definitely Go Yohan’s group’s doing. My sensitive senses are telling me.
What these guys do is like a claw crane game. If there isn’t someone to pick on, they will definitely look for another doll. In the first grade, it would have been one of the many students I didn’t know, in the first semester of the second grade, it would have been Han Tae-san, and in the second semester of the second grade, it would have been Han Jun-woo. I thought I was finally becoming a victim, but the great Kang Jun survived again in a disgusting way. Then who is the toy that the remaining kids are looking for?
My body slowly turned towards the pig, Kim Min-ho, who was trying to climb over the window. He is a bad kid that people are likely to hate.
“What are you looking at? Shut your mouth and get lost quietly. If you snitch, you’ll get your ass beat.”
“……”
Then I don’t necessarily have to help him. I stood by in the first grade, and in the second grade, well, I helped with a slightly twisted mind…… I didn’t know that I would become the target in the third grade. But it’s fortunate. I barely escaped now. My mouth, which had become thoughtful, slowly opened.
“Park Dong-cheol, he’s a worse kid than I thought.”
So it’s just up to here.
Because I know how much damage a person who helps the victim in this small world will suffer. My pity was only up to here. Wow, people have changed a lot. Kang Jun. While feeling absurd about himself, he went up one more step. Then, I suddenly remembered that I hadn’t greeted Kim Min-ho. I readjusted my bag and turned around.
“See you later.”
And on Kim Min-ho’s face, heavy anguish had settled. Looking at his face, it seemed like he had no intention of listening to my greeting, so I hurriedly left the spot.
I had already arrived in front of the classroom, but I didn’t feel like going in. I didn’t want to listen to the class even in the middle. Open the door, the attention is focused, the teacher talks, scolds, I apologize, sit down……
How annoying those processes are.
I just leaned against the door and listened to the class coming over the thin plywood wall while turning on my cell phone. There is still no contact from Shin Jae-hyun. There are only dozens of accumulated messages. I only read the first letter of the sender and turned off the screen.
‘Go’
I sat down on my butt, raised my knees, and buried my head between the two arms placed on top of them. The class was still proceeding quietly. A small vibration rang in my right hand. There’s no way Shin Jae-hyun would have sent it during class. He seemed quite upright too. But a glimmer of hope arises.
And the expectation was killed again by that guy in an instant.
「Um, I think there’s something wrong with my cell phone.」
Go Yohan. That damn Go Yohan.
What is this guy doing during class? While I was laughing in disbelief, the vibration rang again.
「I’m not getting any messages from you.」
Drip, drip, drip, raindrops slowly tapped on the window. Soon after, the smell of wet soil rose and the sky darkened. Shuaa, in an instant, the water fell screaming.
The rainy season has begun.
The hardest words to hear from Go Yohan are probably ‘I’m sorry.’
Does Go Yohan really not have any guilt? Or is he trying not to admit that he knows his fault? I don’t know because I’ve never lived as Go Yohan. When I look at Go Yohan’s arrogant life from my perspective, a certain scene always comes to mind.
TV or a small cell phone screen. Those are the words that people who appear often say. There is no apology in the excuses lined up. Why? When I asked the question, the answer came out quickly. Because the moment I say I’m sorry, the mistake I made becomes a fact. I know a little because I’ve benefited from it too. That way of thinking. So there is only one case where the privileged apologize.
When they’re really fucked.
In conclusion, Go Yohan has never been fucked yet.
“……You’re annoying.”
I really mean it. Go Yohan clearly doesn’t think that coming to this point is fucked up.
I looked at the guy sitting on my head with my hands, the ends of which had become cold. My heart is clashing in two. Quickly send Go Yohan a pretty reply and become special friends. No, no. Think about your life. Look closely at the brilliant future that will unfold before you.
There are no gays there. But there’s no bullying either.
Go Yohan will give Kang Jun, who is bullying him, a very good gift. Of course, he should only scratch as much as he enjoys. Go Yohan’s personality has always been like that. He enjoys the thrill every time and eats away at himself.
Even if I ask why, I don’t know. Because I’m not Go Yohan. Likewise, Go Yohan probably doesn’t understand me either.
I ask myself again. Then what are you going to do? Are you going to send a reply, are you going to talk to him?
The worry becomes longer. Unlike when I sent a message to someone I knew. I pressed the button to turn on the screen with my thumb, and pressed it again, and pressed it again. The moment the screen flickered so much that I could see the battery running out, the bell rang to announce lunch.
“Run away, you bastards!”
“Advance!”
“Ugh, what’s wrong with these guys?”
Downstairs, hungry ghouls stomped and ran. Their momentum was so terrifying that the entire building shook subtly. My head shook along with it. It felt like it was resonating all the way to my brain. Inside the classroom of Class 1 in the 3rd grade, the teacher’s hurried voice could be heard as he tried to finish the lesson quickly.
“Alright, everyone! I’ll just explain this and then we’ll be done! It’ll only take a minute!”
Well, moderation is important in everything.
I slowly inhaled and massaged my left arm with my right hand.
Kang Jun. You’ve always done well. You’ve lived like a bat. In the end, I felt sorry for my situation of having to admit that I was a bat, but I was still surviving better than the kids who were actually cursing at me. When I think about it, my parents might be right. The kids hate me for surviving so well, and they’re jealous. No, it’s definitely true.
“Yeah… it’s definitely true.”
The door slides open.
“Finish everything up for the next class, and solve all the handouts I gave you!”
The sound of acupressure slippers roughly stomping down the hallway didn’t bother me. The Homeroom Teacher headed straight to the faculty room without even looking at the back door where I was sitting. Clack, clack. Following behind him, I could hear the desires of the relatively smart high school students hurrying to fill their stomachs. The noise mixed together and approached the back and front doors. I stood up so the kids wouldn’t see me. And it was the moment I stuck my body through the back door.
“Huh?”
One of my classmates, who I ran into first, made a stupid noise.
I pretended to make eye contact with that kid and slowly turned my gaze. Of course, the starting point of my search was Go Yohan. Because scanning the most important thing first is the basis of any search.
Go Yohan was lying face down, his head resting on his outstretched left arm. For once, there was no one near Go Yohan. About three people were standing around him, packing their wallets and having a normal conversation.
The classroom is quickly scanned by me.
Im Yun-gi is there, and the seat next to him is empty. It seems that Park Ha-on is one of the people who rushed out as soon as class ended. I wonder what happened. And Shin Jae-hyun can be seen among the kids who are sparsely scattered like islands. I narrowed my eyes and looked at his pants. I wonder if he has his phone there. Or maybe in his bag…
“Kang Jun? Why are you here now?”
Suddenly, an unfamiliar voice got really loud in front of me. I was startled and quickly turned my head to look ahead. The source of the unfamiliar voice was a guy who greeted me happily as soon as he saw me.
“Huh? What did you say?”
“Why are you here now?”
“Ah, ah! Sorry. I was so focused on looking at the chalkboard… Ah, I’m sorry again, but was there any homework today?”
I almost became the person who ignored someone right in front of them. I hurriedly changed the subject.
“Homework? Uh… there’s English. English reading comprehension. And there’s also a handout.”
“Really? That’s good. What pages is the reading comprehension from?”
I’m sorry. This guy is out of luck. When I think about it, this guy had no ill intentions towards me and just greeted me out of kindness because he was sitting near the back door, but now he’s been caught by me and is telling me the homework. That situation doesn’t mean it’s bad, but I think he could have eaten lunch earlier if he hadn’t talked to me.
“From here to here. He said to do it by the next class.”
A finger with black ink on the tip repeatedly flipped through the pages of the paper. I gave him the kindest and most genuinely happy expression I could muster.
“Ah, thank you.”
Then, I loosened one of the straps of my bag, turned my body, and chose one of the snacks I always carry from my front pocket and handed it to him. It’s my way of expressing gratitude. In the end, I got help with my homework from a kid with a blurry impression that I didn’t even remember properly. It’s absurd.
“Want to eat it?”
“Oh, sure. I’ll eat it.”
I patted the guy’s arm with the palm of my hand as a sign of gratitude.
I properly put my bag back on and took a step back, and the guy unwrapped the chocolate I gave him and stuffed it into his mouth in one bite. I watched the process and subtly read the name on his desk. Lee Yeon-woo. It was a common name.
“Then Yeon-woo, have a good lunch.”
“Yeah, you too.”
It was a short conversation that lasted less than 3 minutes. Lee Yeon-woo hit the back of the kid in front of him with his palm and ran out of the classroom. I turned my body back to my seat and put my bag down.
And then, as a habit, I glanced somewhere.
That somewhere is always fixed. Kang Jun is always crazy in love. Even if I don’t want to admit it, it’s a habit that I always have to be aware of in order to beautifully revise my future. But I had something to believe in. Go Yohan, who I just checked on, was lying down, so he’ll still be lying down now.
Unfortunately, that belief of mine was shattered miserably.
“…”
“…”
Just when did he wake up? Go Yohan. Go Yohan, who seemed to have just woken up, had one arm still on the desk and was looking at me with only his waist half-raised. His half-swollen eyelids were noticeable. His pupils moved between those eyelids. Between the back door and me, alternately.
“Uh… hi.”
I raised my hand as if I hadn’t done anything wrong, but I really hadn’t done anything wrong. It’s really weird. I didn’t do anything wrong, but I’m pretending I didn’t do anything wrong. I felt a strange sense of doubt about my response and put my bag down. Then, without delaying even a little, I went next to Go Yohan and sat in the empty seat.
“When did you come?”
“Just now.”
A sleep-soaked voice asked. A wet gaze went to my wrist. I raised my hand that was on my leg and showed it to Go Yohan.
“I went to the hospital. They said my hand is okay.”
“Me too.”
Then, of course, there should be a story about my wrist, but suddenly Go Yohan’s palm was placed in front of me. I lowered the iron plate that I had decorated even more pleasantly and looked at the empty palm.
“What’s this hand for?”
“Give me one too. Chocolate.”
…What does he want me to do?
Is this bastard really ignoring me, or what? As soon as he sees me, the first thing he says is chocolate. My eyes are really trash. The guy I happen to like is such a screwball. I secretly sighed inwardly, but outwardly I got up, taking the attitude that I would gladly do it for you.
“Okay. Wait a minute. I’ll bring it to you.”
“Okay. Come quickly.”
Am I your dog?
I returned to my seat, cursing Go Yohan’s name a hundred times over a sigh, and grabbed a few chocolates. But the hand that was taking them out of the bag stopped on its own. After dropping the chocolates again, I took out the biggest chocolate bar again. The reason I did that was just because it strangely caught my eye. And when I raised my head, I saw Shin Jae-hyun, who was chatting with a different group near the front door this time. He was so excited. I could hear the conversation all the way to my seat.
“I got caught spending money on in-app purchases this time and got completely screwed.”
“Why are you spending money on in-app purchases in a mobile game? It’s not fair.”
Shin Jae-hyun laughed coolly and blamed one of his friends. Shin Jae-hyun’s head, which was on the taller side, moved back and forth. His body was buried in the group and couldn’t be seen.
“The fun of playing games is spending money quickly to get stronger, right? This bastard really doesn’t know games.”
“I’m strong even if I don’t spend money, though?”
“What, let’s see. I’m 100% stronger. If you don’t spend money, you’ll definitely get screwed.”
“Look.”
Shin Jae-hyun handed something to his friend. I frowned as if possessed and looked at the gap. I could see something white being passed through the small gap.
“Wow, crazy. Jae-hyun, you bastard, did you only play games without eating?”
“No, he spent money. He’s pretending he didn’t.”
“What do you mean I’m pretending I didn’t?”
Shin Jae-hyun poked the friend who was teasing him with his elbow and laughed. The guy who received something from Shin Jae-hyun took a step back. He bent over with a “Wow” sound. At that moment, the guy’s body turned. The white object in his hand was finally seen properly.
It’s a phone.
“Hey, level up mine too. Wow, the level is crazy.”
I could hear the sound of laughter. And a blade-like sound pierced through that and stabbed the back of my back.
“Kang Jun.”
The movement of the pupils that were scanning the group near the front door stopped abruptly. I bent down and turned my body in the same posture as when I was taking out the chocolate. Go Yohan, who had fully raised his waist, slowly scanned the front door and me. I felt like a nail was being hammered into my instep.
“Sorry, I’m sorry. I’ll be right there.”
“…”
The chocolate wrapper I was holding was slippery.
“I was picking the most delicious one.”
My bag left my hand, and my nerves were fixed on Go Yohan.
I walked quickly towards Go Yohan’s side. And I put the chocolate bar I had picked out on Go Yohan’s desk. Go Yohan stared at my face silently and reached out to pick up the object placed on the desk.
“Eat it.”
I smiled and encouraged Go Yohan, and Go Yohan twitched one eyebrow again and unwrapped the wrapper. The brown bar is chewed by sharp Canine Teeth.
“Huh?”
But it didn’t go down. Go Yohan frowned and looked at the chocolate he was eating with a strange expression. And what he said while looking at me was,
“What. You hate this.”
A dizziness exploded in my head. Ah. The golden, glittering packaging shone brightly and reflected the past. Go Yohan, who was making rumbling noises in his stomach, and me, who was pretending to be upset. The day my clumsy kindness exploded. The most exciting time in my life. That time soaked my head. It felt like my brain was becoming a cake soaked in water.
“Ah, that… I thought, I thought you liked it back then.”
I made a mistake. Damn it. The only opportunity left for me is to lie.
“I remembered it… and picked it out.”
A voice came out with difficulty between the panting breaths. I lowered my head slightly to hide the mysterious face that might have revealed emotions that even I couldn’t understand. Even in the midst of all that, I’m really something, craning my neck to see Go Yohan’s reaction.
“…”
“…”
Go Yohan was looking only at the front door with his head turned. His finger brushed his ear. The earlobe revealed through that was really red.
Lunch was, in a word, a rotten atmosphere. Like an apple festering with germs. It looks fine on the outside, but if you look closely, it’s not really like that… It’s a situation where it feels like the side will burst open if you press it.
The last supper that started with six people ended with two. As if they had made some kind of promise, one or two people would look around and then get up with their scratched lunch trays. These guys must think I’m a dog. I don’t know if they suspect me because they think I blabbered something to Kim Min-ho or Go Yohan.
There is clear evidence of hostility towards me. The three people who were gossiping subtly left me out of the conversation. The first to leave was Kim Min-ho, and it seemed that these guys were suspicious of me after seeing Kim Min-ho’s strangely silent attitude.
Scrape, scrape. The sound of a spoon scraping the lunch tray was heard without a word.
“…”
I can’t help but feel wronged. It’s not that I’m wronged because I didn’t tell on them. It’s truly unforgivable that they committed a crime and are suspecting me, the witness. The real criminals are these guys.
“I’m getting up first.”
I heard these words two or three times.
And these guys joined a new group that they made in their own class. It’s like an intermediate-ranked male lion who was chased away by some alpha male and then tries to find a weaker group in order to become the king of the group. In the end, only Go Yohan and I were left in the middle of the plywood table. Go Yohan bit the end of his chopsticks and said in an awkward pronunciation.
“Ha, those bastards really know how to make the atmosphere shitty. I thought I was going to get indigestion.”
Indigestion, my ass. You got lunch twice and ate it deliciously. I was so dumbfounded that I burst out laughing.
“Why are you laughing while eating? Are you sick?”
I quickly covered my mouth with the back of my hand. I was afraid of showing an ugly sight while laughing. I forced my mouth shut and lightly shook my head in that state.
“Hey. Why are you laughing like that?”
Go Yohan stopped the fancy spooning he was doing and grilled me. I still laughed and didn’t answer. Because my mouth was still full of food that I hadn’t chewed and swallowed. Go Yohan grilled me with a tense face, and then, with that stiff face, he awkwardly twitched his lips. His twitching lips finally bloomed, and he said in a tone as if he had figured something out.
“Ah, you did well on the midterm exam. Right? That’s why you’re in a good mood.”
…The laughter stopped in an instant.
A lump of food that I hadn’t finished chewing went down my esophagus. My throat was blocked.
“They said they’re handing out report cards today. You must be happy.”
The spoon that Go Yohan was holding scraped the bottom of the lunch tray. I couldn’t swallow any more food, so I put down my spoon. The inside of my throat was scratchy.
“Because you’re going to be number one again.”
The reason why I couldn’t easily agree with Go Yohan’s words was 86. The unfamiliar number had been squeezing my head since the midterm exam.
After doing the preliminary scoring, I always confidently wrote the expected score at the top of the paper, but I couldn’t do that for this midterm exam. My face flushed, and I quickly turned the test paper over and crumpled it up and stuffed it into my bag. After that, I couldn’t score the other test papers.
After those days of avoiding it passed, today came.
The Homeroom Teacher came in with a stack of papers filling one hand. The Homeroom Teacher had announced a few days ago that the report cards would be coming out, so we roughly knew what they were. The kids busily sat down in their seats, and the Homeroom Teacher read the name written on the very first paper.
“Kang Jun.”
Why did the Homeroom Teacher have to call my name first? Gazes full of anticipation and anxiety mixed together and then reached me. The order was random, so why am I first? It feels like I have sandbags on my legs. Every step I take is heavy.
“…”
“…Here, Jun-ah, take your report card.”
The Homeroom Teacher’s face was completely crumpled and a mess as he handed me the report card, so I could roughly guess what had happened to my midterm exam report card. In an instant, my vision turned bright yellow.
No way, no way, no way. Really.
I didn’t have the leeway to do anything this time. In the midst of all that, I didn’t even open it right away. As soon as I received the paper, I folded it in half and returned to my seat like the last exam. You can tell how great my petty pride is. And when I returned to my seat, I unfolded the folded paper with the most nonchalant expression possible.
I’m a very observant person, so I raised my head before looking at the results. Im Yun-gi and Park Ha-on, who were sitting in the front seats, were openly turning their bodies to look at the cover of my report card. Heat flared up in my head. The fact that I was thinking, “What are these bastards looking at?” was proof that I had failed, but that’s what it was. At least it’s better than having my weaknesses exposed in front of others, right?
“Hey, what’s your ranking?”
“Number one again, as expected?”
“Well…”
I smiled awkwardly and covered the paper. Then Park Ha-on asked.
“Why? Aren’t you checking?”
“Well, I’m a little nervous.”
“Then should I look for you instead?”
“No!”
Park Ha-on’s hand quickly reached out to me. Of course, it was a playful hand, but I, who had a guilty conscience, hurriedly put my hand on the report card first.
“I’ll just look at it later.”
“Why, you’re going to be number one anyway.”
“No, I don’t think so. I won’t be.”
I struggled to unfold the impression that was frowning on its own. I pretended to be weak while smiling for no reason. I laid the groundwork for my pride. It’s better to pretend to be number one and then be embarrassed when the results are revealed than to make a fuss about hitting rock bottom. At least the latter reaction is closer to sympathy. I hate embarrassment more than sympathy. So I made more whining noises.
“I think I really failed… I’m going crazy. What should I do.”
“Hey, what’s the worst that can happen to you? You’re still in the single digits even if you fail, right?”
“No, I think it’s worse.”
“If you failed, we failed even more. It’s okay.”
“Really, it’s really not this time.”
I deliberately stomped my feet. But the strange thing about people is that the more you act like that, the more you feel like that. The word “failed” was firmly engraved in my head. This time it’s real. I really failed. The reasons for failing can be created if you add them somehow.
The biggest reason is the Homeroom Teacher. Because the Homeroom Teacher’s face was seriously rotten as he gave me the report card.
“Park Ha-on.”
“Yes.”
A few people passed behind me, and Park Ha-on was finally called. At the same time, Im Yun-gi’s gaze also turned to Park Ha-on. I took advantage of that moment to slightly unfold the folded report card. The grade ranking at the very end was revealed. My hand stopped abruptly while unfolding the report card.
The numbers are clearly visible: class ranking 7, school ranking 12.
7, 7……. 12, 12, 12, 12, 12……. 12. My everything is filtered through a large net, and only my spirit flows into the sea.
“What is this……”
I’ve never seen or received such grades in my life. My body grows cold, and my head is filled with static. I doubt my eyes and hope that maybe my school ranking is 7, so I look at the report card again, but reality doesn’t change. My vision spins. Confident footsteps head toward me. The seat in front is filled with a noisy sound.
“I’m in 6th place, you crazy! Who dropped? Ah, crazy, whoever it is, thank you.”
Park Ha-on, with a flushed face, grabbed Im Yun-gi’s wrist and made a fuss. In an instant, Park Ha-on turns around. I quickly cover the report card. Even in the midst of that, a petty worry crossed my mind. I hope no one saw me checking my report card. Worry weighed heavily on my chest.
“Hey, I’m 6th in the whole school!”
Park Ha-on, who was waving his clenched fist and shouting that he had finally broken through the cursed 6th place, that I had finally entered the ranks that they were taking turns in, looked at me for a moment and made an embarrassed face.
“No, it’s just that I’ve never been 6th in the whole school since I came here. It might not be a big deal to you……”
His expression was full of embarrassment. I smiled with a good-natured face.
“Congratulations.”
But I fell.
I didn’t look back, but my nerves were directed at Go Yohan in the back seat. Resentment builds up. It’s all because of that bastard. Yes, the 1st place in the last exam was the result of the grades I had built up when I was fine, and Go Yohan ruined this exam. My concentration had already been falling since the last exam, so it’s natural that I ruined this exam.
Yes, it’s all because of that bastard, because of that bastard. As my thoughts deepened, resentment exploded. At the same time, Park Ha-on in front of me looked proudly at his report card, turning my insides out.
“Wow, really……. Wow, who dropped……. Ah, really. Thank you. Wow, it’s thrilling. Crazy. 6th in the whole school……”
It’s my first time being 12th in the whole school. Shit. An aggrieved ghost entered my smiling face. The boiling pride gnaws at my soul. But I closed my mouth because I didn’t want to congratulate or be jealous of the rejoicing competitor anymore.
“Go Yohan.”
There is no answer. However, I heard the heavy sound of a chair dragging on the floor.
Then I heard heavy footsteps, and I felt a faint breeze passing by my back. I looked up and stared at his large back. Perhaps my eyes were full of resentment. My eyes were a little blurry, so I might have cried. No, I wouldn’t have cried anyway. There’s no way I would have done such a shameful thing.
“Yohan, let’s try a little harder.”
Homeroom Teacher threw out an incomprehensible remark. So, is he telling him to work hard while he’s on a roll because his grades have improved? Or is he telling him to be more careful because he fell? Then why didn’t he say that to me?
My fist is clenched tightly. I feel so stuffy that I’m suffocating.
I wish someone would just leave me alone, but all the cause of my problems stood tall in front of me. His index and middle fingers tap my desk. My gaze naturally reached Go Yohan. Then, Go Yohan makes a fairly kind expression and opens his mouth silently like this.
‘Congratulations on 1st place.’
For the first time, I thought I wanted to kill Go Yohan.
Nevertheless, I didn’t kill Go Yohan.
Let’s put it right. It’s not that I didn’t, but that I couldn’t. How can a fox kill a tiger?
“Damn it.”
I skipped cram school. There was no point in going today, because they would pour out unnecessary worries about grades and stuff. Besides, I’ve already given up on my GPA. I don’t need my GPA in the last semester of my senior year anyway. My long GPA journey ended with just 12th place in the whole school. I hated Go Yohan so much for creating such a result that I deliberately didn’t go home with him. I just lied.
“I’m going to go to cram school first today.”
But cram school my ass, I sent Go Yohan away with a kind smile and turned back to school. And now I’m standing in front of the art room. I’m dreaming of revenge. And I’m making a rational choice. Shin Jae-hyun was the perfect person for that situation. If I switch to Shin Jae-hyun, Go Yohan will have a crush on me, right? No one understands the pain of unrequited love as much as I do, who knows the pain of unrequited love. My bullying starts in line with my success.
……What nonsense am I even imagining? Go Yohan won’t be affected much anyway. Anyway, weak guys try to escape reality with thoughts like this.
“Hoo.”
I took a deep breath almost consciously. According to what I heard from the kids, Shin Jae-hyun often comes here even after class. He probably went today too. Surprisingly, it was Lee Yeon-woo, who had no presence, who told me that.
“Ah, really, what should I say?”
I scratched my head in frustration and decided to make the excuse that I was upset because I hadn’t talked much lately. Whatever it is, it’s safe. Once I made up my mind, my actions were cool. I slammed the door open and, as expected, Shin Jae-hyun was there. Shin Jae-hyun was sitting at his desk, looking at his phone.
“……”
My eyes and Shin Jae-hyun’s eyes naturally met, and Shin Jae-hyun hurriedly put down his phone. But that doesn’t make the awkward situation go away. It seems like I’m the one who has to resolve this situation because I have a lot to ask for, so I opened my mouth first.
“Hi.”
“Oh……. Hi.”
“You were here.”
“Ah, yeah.”
Shin Jae-hyun smiled slightly and tapped the book placed near his desk.
“The atmosphere is better here than reading at home.”
He’s trying so hard to look cool. I just answered with a smile to the sarcasm I was making for no reason and ended it. It’s to lead the conversation in earnest.
“Actually, I came to see you.”
Shin Jae-hyun’s eyes widened at those words.
“Me?”
“Yeah.”
“Why me all of a sudden?”
“Why?”
I entered the art room without Shin Jae-hyun’s permission and even closed the art room door on my own. It was very natural. There were no emotions, no burden, so everything went smoothly. I even took off my bag as I pleased, and I said the words really casually.
“It’s because of you.”
“Me, me? Because of me?”
But I think I made a mistake. Shin Jae-hyun showed an unexpected reaction. His eyes widened, and he even stuttered as he pointed at himself. I was even more embarrassed by that reaction.
“No, I just wanted to see you. I just wanted to talk to you alone.”
“You wanted to see me?”
It went wrong again this time. The reaction is strange again. He was so embarrassed that I got embarrassed and became strange.
“No, it’s not that, it’s because you took good care of me last time, so thank you.”
“……”
“That……. I meant it as a way of saying I wanted to get closer.”
Gasp. Blink. His eyes and mouth opened and closed silently. Very slowly. I was also waving my hands in the air, not knowing what to do, and standing there stupidly. And after a long time, Shin Jae-hyun stroked his neck with his palm. Haha, hahahaha……. Then he blushed awkwardly and let out a strange laugh.
What. Why is he laughing like that. It’s absurd, but I was also laughing awkwardly to match it.
Ahaha……. The awkward laughter continued terribly.
[To be continued in Volume 4]