13 – Go Yohan Go Yohan

It was fortunate that my right arm was injured. If my right arm had been fine, I might have rashly used my fist and ended up getting hurt myself. Go Yohan, who had struck Han Jun-woo’s face with his knees and feet, had helped me a lot. I endured the rain of feet falling on my back and blindly kneed Hong Hwi-jun’s face.

My calf scraped against the ground. My pants, covered in dirt, became tattered due to the friction. But I couldn’t possibly be in the right state of mind to care about that now.

“You little punk, you son of a, son of a bitch, let go—!”

I couldn’t hear any sound anymore. All that remained for me was venom. A determination never to fall lower than you guys, even if I died. That determination kept me going. I hunched over as much as possible to hide my face, but I couldn’t block the kicks flying towards my ears and temples. All I could do was grab Hong Hwi-jun’s head with the intent to kill and smash his face with my knees like a madman.

“Th-, this fuck… fuck!”

Hong Hwi-jun’s face, buried in the dirt, was filled with sand. Serves him right for opening his mouth. I ignored Hong Hwi-jun’s words and continued to press down on his head with all my might. Legs flailing on the ground clumsily struck Hong Hwi-jun. And finally, the world flashed upwards.

“Everyone stop! What are you doing!”

Someone grabbed my arm between my armpits and pulled me away. Shit, is it over now? While I was worrying, I caught a glimpse of the gym teacher’s face. Why did the last face I saw have to be the gym teacher? My luck really sucks. And then the world went dark. My face hurt a lot. And so did my body.

Then I opened my eyes.

I don’t remember what happened between closing and opening my eyes. What I saw in front of me wasn’t the school scenery, but a plain ceiling. I slowly turned my head. I felt like all the bones in my body were breaking. Next to me was a bedside table and an IV drip. I knew immediately. It’s a hospital.

And I knew one more thing. The life of nineteen-year-old Kang Jun was ruined.

“…This sucks.”

This room, which seemed to be a private room, was as quiet as a mouse. Not just anyone could have paid for a room like this. My parents must have been contacted right away. And one of my parents’ secretaries must have taken care of things instead. It was awful. I guess everything was exposed in the end.

5 months and 13 days. My parents were away from home. At this point, I even wondered if I was an abandoned son, but every time I received a video call, I would think that I was a loved son again.

In fact, I couldn’t hide the cast on my arm. It’s impossible to only show my face during calls for three months. After making a cold-hearted judgment, I confessed to my parents myself. I had a plan of my own. If I told them the truth first, wouldn’t my parents stop questioning me? Looking back, it was a pretty good idea.

So, on the first day I wore the cast, I lied and said I had fallen down the stairs.

‘Why is that? I don’t know why you’re getting hurt so much these days. Is something going on?’

As expected, my parents were very worried. But since they couldn’t figure out why I was hurt, they completely trusted my lie. At times like this, I’m so glad that I’ve been a good son to my parents all along.

“Now I’m really screwed.”

To think that a lie based on that trust would be exposed like this. I really couldn’t have imagined it.

Ignoring the aching wounds from moving even slightly, I turned my body to the other side. I wanted to find out what time it was, so I was looking for a clock.

“…”

And I saw Go Yohan on the other side.

Go Yohan was lying on the sofa, hunched over and asleep.

Why the hell is that bastard here?

I was shocked while lying in bed. The body that was turning sideways stiffened. If I looked in the mirror, my eyes would probably be wide open, showing all the whites. That’s how surprised I was. The sunset outside the window cast an orange glow gently inside the hospital room, and under the swaying curtains, Go Yohan’s pale face was asleep with his hands between his legs.

But really, why the hell is that bastard sleeping here?

I instinctively reached for my phone. I wanted to know what the hell had happened. Moving my arm, which felt like the joints would pop out even with the slightest movement, I grabbed the bedsheet, but there was nothing to grab. Well, it wouldn’t be here anyway. I frowned and turned my head to look at the bedside table on the other side.

“…It might be there.”

My dry throat felt scratchy. At the same time, a hesitant feeling welled up. My body hurts so much. But I’m still curious. In the end, curiosity won. My parched lips muttered a curse and reached out.

“Ugh.”

My hand doesn’t quite reach the drawer handle. I pulled my body closer and waved my hand around. Tap. Tap. I hit the drawer meaninglessly with my palm a few times before finally grabbing the handle.

“Haa…”

Got it. I breathed out heavily in relief and applied force. And I made a mistake. I didn’t get the posture right. As soon as I applied force, my elbow accidentally hit the stand holding the IV drip.

Clang, the IV drip fell to the floor with a loud noise. I hurriedly reached out, afraid that the needle stuck in my arm would come out on its own and cause a bloodbath. Fortunately, the line was long enough that a bloody tragedy didn’t occur.

“……”

Click. Trrr. That’s the sound of my neck turning and the sound of my pupils turning.

It’s just my imagination, but if someone had been next to me, they might have actually heard those sounds. Fortunately, Go Yohan hadn’t opened his eyes yet. He didn’t wake up? I breathed a sigh of relief.

“Haa…”

I firmly grabbed the IV drip and slightly raised my body. It felt like all my joints were creaking. My gaze was still fixed on Go Yohan. And at that moment, Go Yohan’s long eyes slowly opened. As if he had been watching me even with his eyes closed, his small pupils were directed towards me.

“……”

“……”

A silence as cold as ice descended.

“You.”

Go Yohan, who had lazily half-closed his eyes, smiled slightly.

“You do what you say you’ll do.”

His hands were still between his legs. As if he hadn’t fully woken up yet, his voice was also gentle and calm.

“Hong Hwi-jun, that bastard’s nose is broken.”

“……”

“You did it.”

Go Yohan slightly closed his eyes and laughed softly. Go Yohan’s body, which had been bent, stretched out and regained its original length. The dangling legs instantly crossed the sofa and cut through the air. I narrowed my eyes at the sight. It must be nice to have long legs. What an annoying bastard.

“I.”

I tried to speak but closed my mouth. Ahem. I cleared my throat loudly. And then I opened my mouth again.

“…Did I win?”

“You didn’t lose.”

Go Yohan’s words were very clear. I let out a big sigh. Shit.

“I’m screwed.”

“That’s good. Since you’re so handsome.”

Is this bastard kidding me right now? I frowned and closed my eyes.

Honestly, yeah. Why else would Go Yohan have come all the way here? To suppress and ignore me like Han Jun-woo? Or is there another intention? Originally, I would have kept my mouth shut and watched his reaction, but the fact that I hadn’t lost to Hong Hwi-jun, at least, seemed to intoxicate me. Half of it was bravado, and half of it might have been due to the painkillers messing with my mind. In other words, I had gained some unnecessary courage.

“Why did you come here?”

I heard a sound of air escaping with a smirk. Go Yohan lightly tapped the leather of the guest sofa with his fingertips. That action made me feel inexplicably upset.

“Did you come to laugh at me? Saying what’s a loser who can’t even fight doing fighting?”

“……”

“Are you going to slap me like Han Jun-woo?”

This time, Go Yohan didn’t say anything. I didn’t hear any laughter either. Go Yohan slowly opened his eyes, then raised his hand and stared blankly at his fingernails. I gave a self-deprecating laugh and continued.

“Or did you already slap my cheek while I was sleeping? It feels tingly, so it feels like I’ve already been hit.”

“Why did you fight with Hong Hwi-jun?”

“Are you kidding me? Why are you asking me about the mess you made?”

He asked in a rather serious voice, but then he didn’t say anything again. I blatantly ridiculed such Go Yohan. He ignored me, then suddenly got annoyed, and now he’s come all the way to find me and is doing things with unknown intentions.

“Really, why did you come here?”

As soon as Go Yohan heard my question, he blinked his eyes for a long time and then got up. Upsy-daisy. Go Yohan, who muttered a slightly heavy grunt and properly settled on the sofa, slowly stroked his chin with one hand. And after glancing at me, he immediately turned his gaze to the air and said.

“Get out of the hospital and come to school right away.”

“Are you crazy? What kind of humiliation are you trying to put me through?”

“I won’t let you get humiliated.”

“Why?”

“……”

“Why would you?”

“Because.”

Go Yohan interlocked his fingers. Long fingers intertwined. Strangely, Go Yohan’s voice was damp.

“Just because.”

Go Yohan tilted his head and looked at me. His small, narrow eyes felt strange. I couldn’t take my eyes off those eyes in particular. Lying on the pillow, I blinked and faced the strange Go Yohan. The hospital room, where orange light flickered, was gradually approaching night. I slowly opened my mouth.

“I don’t want to. I’m going to transfer schools.”

“Ha, what crazy school would accept a transfer student at this time?”

“I don’t know. Everything will be fine with money. My family has a lot of money. Besides, my fussy parents wouldn’t leave their only son alone after seeing him like this…”

“No.”

A brief silence flowed. My expression furrowed on its own. What did I just hear? But before my question could come out, Go Yohan preempted me.

“If you transfer, I’ll follow you.”

“Crazy.”

Go Yohan was definitely crazy.

“You’re going to study abroad anyway, right?”

But I must be crazy to say these words in this situation. I’m seizing the opportunity in a strange way. I brought up a question that I had been curious about to an almost obsessive level. I glanced sideways at the empty air. When I turned my gaze back, Go Yohan was raising one eyebrow. It was a habit of Go Yohan’s that I hadn’t seen in a long time.

“Who is?”

Why is he pretending not to know? I felt inexplicably bad and replied in a slightly sharp tone.

“You.”

“I don’t know what nonsense you’re talking about.”

“Isn’t it?”

“Of course not. I don’t do cowardly things like running away.”

“Your brother is studying abroad in the United States.”

“That’s what I’m saying.”

Go Yohan, who had been picking at the end of his fingernail with his finger, gave a slight sneer. His gaze remained fixed on his fingertip. I immediately understood the meaning of those words. He was mocking his brother. I turned my head and looked at the ceiling. I let out a meaningless dry sigh.

“You still think that Korea University is better than Harvard in Korea. Is that it?”

“Of course. Why else would the heir to Korea’s largest company go to Korea University after retaking the college entrance exam three times?”

“It’s still harder to get into Korea University than Harvard?”

“If you create special extracurricular activities and appropriate achievements with money, it’s easier than Korea University.”

“That’s easy to say.”

It’s not like I don’t know how difficult it is to get in there. I scoffed quietly while looking at the ceiling. Go Yohan was still just staring intently at his fingernails.

“And do you think you can get into Korea University with your grades?”

“With the Foreigner Special Admission, well.”

“Huh, foreigner?”

Honestly, I said it to mock him. Half of it was sincere. But the story I heard was a bit shocking. A foreigner? And Go Yohan, who still had his gaze fixed on his fingernails, replied leisurely at just the right speed, neither too fast nor too slow.

“Didn’t I tell you before that my great-grandmother was Romanian?”

“…Was that real?”

Not a lie? Go Yohan frowned at my question. He seemed quite displeased. Finally, the gaze that had never left his fingernails reached me.

“Why would I make up such a lie?”

“No, really?”

I was really flustered. No, I was really flustered. So, I was able to blow away even the subtle hostility and unpleasantness I had towards Go Yohan for a moment. It was all because of that shocking answer.

“My father is a Korean-American, and my mother is a naturalized Romanian quarter. Three-quarters of my blood is Asian.”

“……Really?”

“For reference, my great-grandfather is German. My maternal grandfather is Chinese.”

“Really?”

“Have you been living a lie all your life?”

“It sounds like a lie no matter how I hear it. Damn, what kind of family tree is that?”

“That’s right. It’s a lie.”

“……”

Damn it. I was fooled again. I laid my body back on the bed, which I had unknowingly raised. I’ll never be fooled again.

“But it’s true that I have American citizenship.”

I don’t believe you. I glanced sideways.

“I was born in New York. My parents went to great lengths to get me citizenship on purpose.”

“Bullshit.”

“It’s true. Want me to show you my passport?”

I’m only telling you this. I didn’t even answer those words. I just turned my body away. Another silence flows. I wanted to fall asleep like this or take out the phone that might be in the drawer, but I couldn’t do either. I’m worried about Go Yohan. Why the hell did that bastard really come here?

I wondered if I was dreaming right now.

My mind was hazy, and my eyelids were heavy. It might be a dream. If that’s the case, then it makes sense that I’m having a normal conversation with Go Yohan like this. I realized the reality and closed my eyes.

Silence. A suffocating silence flowed.

“Shin Jae-hyun didn’t even come to visit you in the hospital.”

Finally, Go Yohan broke the silence. My closed eyes opened.

Did I take some painkillers? Or is there something mixed in this IV drip? Whatever it is, it was clear that it wasn’t a drug that could keep me in my right mind. My mouth moved on its own.

“What does it matter to me whether he comes or not?”

“He didn’t even ask why you didn’t come.”

“So what do you want me to do?”

I raised my body and looked at Go Yohan. The floor was swaying. The cold floor went up and down. I felt dizzy. And what does it matter to me whether Shin Jae-hyun came to visit me in the hospital or not?

“Doesn’t it make you feel bad? Right.”

Why would I feel bad? I’m at a loss for words at his incomprehensible way of thinking. Go Yohan was interlocking his fingers, weaving them together.

“A friend got hurt, but he didn’t even come to visit…”

Were he and I friends? We’ve never been friends, and we’ve never even had a conversation. All I received from Shin Jae-hyun was a key to the art room. Rather, I was grateful and took care of him, so there’s nothing Shin Jae-hyun would do for me. Who is he? It’s obvious that I’m not interested, and he’s not interested either.

Besides, what can I expect from a guy who doesn’t make close friends because he hates discrimination? I frowned. And why is Go Yohan paying attention to Shin Jae-hyun?

“I don’t know.”

First, I opened my mouth. I hang out with trash, but at least I’m not trash. That means I know what I’ve received and I know how to repay it. There are times when you need at least some sympathy. I suddenly thought of the brass key that was in my pocket. The key is probably consideration and sympathy.

“He doesn’t necessarily need to come to visit me in the hospital.”

“……”

It wouldn’t have been a big deal to Shin Jae-hyun. He just erased the graffiti on the desk, brought me the leftover sandwich, and just gave me the key he had. Good deeds that wouldn’t cause any harm no matter who did them.

Shin Jae-hyun had only done textbook good deeds. It just happened to help me a little bit…

“Oh…”

There are times when you suddenly realize something you didn’t understand. This was now. I remembered what Han Tae-san had said. I stopped talking and touched my forehead because of a sudden headache.

‘You, you were the only one who helped me.’

“Damn it.”

Crazy, that’s what Han Tae-san meant.

The disgust and futility I feel when I’m doing something I thought was disgusting. I almost cursed. I was having the same way of thinking as Han Tae-san. Then does that mean I was really in the same situation as Han Tae-san?

While I was confused and realizing my double standards, something even more painful followed. Suddenly, a light touch and a cold temperature covered my forehead. My head instantly heated up.

“Wh-, what are you doing?”

Surprised, I pushed away the sudden presence with my left hand. In front of my eyes, which had lifted up, was Go Yohan, who was flustered with the back of his hand reddened.

“…That is.”

Go Yohan massages his reddened hand with the other. His gaze flicks down, then to the side. His long fingers slowly reach down to fidget with his Rosary. With the clattering sound, Go Yohan wears an inscrutable smile.

“Should I call a doctor or nurse?”

Why the sudden kindness? The kindness irks Kang Jun for no reason, making him act a bit prickly.

“No need.”

“You looked like you had a headache.”

“I said no, just get out.”

“Hey.”

The stiff voice grates on his ears.

“You’re being really obnoxious. To someone who came to visit you.”

“I don’t think you’re one to talk.”

Clatter. Finally, Go Yohan shuts his mouth. But even when Go Yohan has his mouth open or closed, he messes with my head and heart. He’s such a son of a bitch. Kang Jun sighs and clutches his head. The memories from then bloom again. Consciously suppressing the memories that forcibly surface, he says,

“I was dumped by you anyway, is there any need for me to act pathetic? Is that what you want?”

“That’s…”

As expected, there’s no way the talkative Go Yohan would keep his mouth shut. But Kang Jun couldn’t bring himself to close his ears to those words. Back then? All of his curiosity is directed at Go Yohan. All his senses seek Go Yohan.

“You were the one who acted recklessly first.”

“…What?”

“I wondered if you were just playing with me, using me as a small fry in the movie called ‘Kind Kang Jun.’”

“Hey, you bastard…!”

“You seem to be misunderstanding something.”

Go Yohan points to himself and smiles kindly. It was a smile Kang Jun hadn’t seen in a long time.

“I’m the top.”

Kang Jun is so dumbfounded that he loses his words. It’s because an answer he never even imagined popped out. Go Yohan massages his neck with the hand that had been on Kang Jun’s forehead. As a result, his pale neckline is revealed. Idiot Kang Jun unknowingly sends his gaze to that slender line. It was instinct. He should just die.

Fortunately, Go Yohan, deeply engrossed in his thoughts, doesn’t see Kang Jun’s gaze and continues in a low voice.

“And I really hate doing things like using myself as a supporting character.”

Kang Jun is getting heated. He grabs whatever he can get his hands on and clenches it tightly.

“So, you’re saying what you did was justified?”

“Well…”

Go Yohan nods lightly. He seems to be testing the waters, slightly raising his eyes, but in the end, he chooses not to read Kang Jun’s expression. Kang Jun is so dumbfounded that he can’t even speak. Wow, huh, only bewilderment flies out of his mouth on the wind. On Go Yohan’s raised face, guilt and shamelessness are plastered all over. He definitely seems to be thinking that he’s sorry. But he’s shameless. Shameless to the point of madness.

“Honestly, I went easy on you.”

“…”

“Do you know what I do to kids I really hate?”

Think about it. You should know. A gloomy smile spreads across his thin face.

“No, I really don’t know.”

Kang Jun says honestly, truthfully. He really doesn’t know what Go Yohan has done. He was somewhat rough with his words, but Kang Jun had never seen Go Yohan hate someone maliciously. Besides, he doesn’t know who he hates that much either. At least, as a freshman, Kang Jun wasn’t that interested in Go Yohan. But upon hearing Kang Jun’s words, Go Yohan makes a slightly strange face.

“Liar.”

Go Yohan fills his face with scorn. It was just a fleeting moment.

“There’s no way you wouldn’t know, Jun-ah.”

“…Why?”

Jun-ah. Again, he suddenly switches back from Kang Jun to Jun. That attitude really makes a person speechless. Kang Jun really doesn’t understand and asks. What on earth is going through Go Yohan’s head? Why wouldn’t he know? At Kang Jun’s question, Go Yohan seems a little flustered. Kang Jun naturally becomes obsessed with Go Yohan’s change. The lingering feelings he had left behind awaken.

“Why else, is that even a question?”

“No, I’m really asking because I don’t know. Why?”

“You only pay attention to the high-ranking guys. You’re that kind of guy. You.”

“Me?”

Kang Jun points to himself.

“You’re saying I’m like that?”

“Yeah, you are. You.”

At first, he frowns, not understanding. He thinks about himself with his finger pointed at the center of his chest. Was he like that? If he thinks about it seriously, it seems to be true. It’s true that his life is easier if he sticks to the high-ranking kids. But if he was doing it specifically because of their rank, he should have been interested in guys like Kim Min-ho and groveled before them. But that’s not the case.

Kang Jun asks again sincerely, without malice.

“…What’s the reason you think that?”

“What’s the reason I think that? Don’t pretend you really don’t know.”

“I’m not pretending.”

Kang Jun hardens his expression. Then Go Yohan seems to realize that something is wrong, and for a moment, he raises one eyebrow.

“Han Jun-woo is the highest-ranking, so that’s why you liked Han Jun-woo.”

“What?”

For a moment, Kang Jun thought a hammer had hit the back of his head. It was because the answer was so absurd. He liked Han Jun-woo because Han Jun-woo was the highest-ranking. What kind of nonsense is this? Originally, Han Jun-woo was someone who had all the qualities Kang Jun hated the most. However, he was just intoxicated by his appearance and atmosphere, and caught a fever like a midday nap.

“No, it’s not like that.”

“…Don’t lie. It’s not funny, and I’m not falling for it.”

“Lying? Why would I?”

Kang Jun faithfully accepts Go Yohan’s words, then suddenly feels something strange.

This situation, he feels something unusual. Why? The suspicion that had been piling up finally comes to fruition. And instinctively, he finds the answer. Once he’s found the answer once, it wasn’t difficult to figure out the correct answer again.

“Ah…”

For a moment, his head is filled with joy. Could it be… No, there’s no way. But Go Yohan had a history. A history of liking Kang Jun. A brilliant flower garden blooms in his chest.

“You, could it be.”

Even though he hasn’t heard the answer yet, laughter leaks from between his lips. In the end, he lowers his head and shakes his shoulders. As he drinks in the joy of happiness, his surprised body coughs instead.

“…Cough, cough!”

Kang Jun looks at Go Yohan, blocking his coughing with the back of his hand. His body, shaking with coughs and laughter, gradually leans over. Go Yohan looks at him, wrinkling one eyebrow.

“…Why are you laughing like that?”

Kang Jun grabs his stomach and bends over. He buries his head, crawling downwards, into the blanket and shakes his whole body.

“Why are you laughing like that?”

“Ah, no. Sorry. It’s not that I was trying to…”

Oh my god, Kang Jun wasn’t a discarded card.

He was still a usable card.

Could there be anything more joyful right now than realizing that fact! He wipes away the tears that leaked out with the back of his hand. He raises his head and looks at Go Yohan, who is in front of him. The face of Go Yohan, who is waiting for him, is really strange. Kang Jun suppresses his laughter. The adrenaline rushing through his head inspires him.

Pressing his lips tightly, Kang Jun first tells Go Yohan the truth.

“I… even though it was admiration. I liked Han Jun-woo, but it was never because Han Jun-woo was high-ranking. We were just in the same class in freshman year, and honestly, he was cool. Han Jun-woo back then.”

“Don’t lie.”

“It’s true. I followed him around since before I even knew who Han Jun-woo was.”

Kang Jun hesitates a little and continues.

“…Please don’t take this seriously.”

The inside of the hospital room becomes incredibly quiet. The sound of Go Yohan scratching his pants is clearly audible. Kang Jun averts his eyes and just stares at the plain hospital wallpaper before adding.

“Well, if I really only admired people based on their rank, I would have been groveling to Kim Min-ho too. Right?”

Even in the midst of all this, Kang Jun never said that he liked him. That was his line in the sand. His gaze cautiously shifts from the wallpaper to Go Yohan.

“…”

Interestingly, Go Yohan makes a face that is quite shocked by Kang Jun’s words. Kang Jun inwardly feels uncomfortable with that face. What is it. He’s acting like a fool who’s lost something. Why is he like that? He was shocked just because Kang Jun didn’t choose people he liked based on their rank, which was even absurd.

What on earth does he think Kang Jun is? Did he look like such a piece of trash?

Kang Jun sincerely defends himself for the sake of his honor. He wanted to emphasize that the reason he lowered himself to Go Yohan wasn’t because of his rank. Even in the midst of all this, he wanted to make a good impression.

“So, in freshman year, I didn’t even know you existed. Just that there was a famous kid in the West Wing?”

To be honest, he hated the so-called famous Go Yohan from the start. The reason was because of his disgustingly childish jealousy. But he closed his mouth because he thought that saying such things would only make him look ridiculous and make Go Yohan feel disgusted with him. He didn’t want to say anything more than that.

Go Yohan doesn’t answer. He just keeps scratching hard near his thigh in the same state as before. Conversely, it was Kang Jun who became anxious seeing that. He more actively took his own side. He wanted to emphasize that he had no remaining feelings for Han Jun-woo. For himself. For his greed.

“Yohan, and you seem to be mistaken. If you’re thinking that I started to hate Han Jun-woo just because his rank dropped, that’s a huge misunderstanding.”

That’s the truth. He swallows once and continues.

“I just hate people who hate me.”

After Han Jun-woo crushed him in front of Han Tae-san, has Kang Jun ever felt his heart flutter when he saw him? No matter how much he thinks about it, he doesn’t. That’s just how he is.

“As proof, I have no interest in Han Jun-woo at all now. I don’t even know what he’s up to.”

“…”

“You know that well, right? We were in the same class in sophomore year.”

Kang Jun finished answering with a refreshing feeling. And as he sat still and watched Go Yohan, Go Yohan was silent. Go Yohan slowly swallows his lips into his mouth. A very slow time passed. Go Yohan’s eyes scan the air with a slightly confused look.

“…Ah.”

Go Yohan opens and closes his mouth. He’s trying to say something, but it doesn’t come out as words. Go Yohan’s long fingers scratch his pants again. A line follows Go Yohan’s fingernail marks. Kang Jun saw the fingers pressing down on his pants turn white.

“Was that so?”

“Uh-huh.”

“I didn’t know you were like that.”

It’s a tone that mocks Kang Jun. But unlike usual, it was a slightly smaller voice. That voice calmly sank even into Kang Jun’s head.

“…No, it’s okay if you know now.”

And Kang Jun regretted defending himself. Why did he say it so nicely?

What was he going to do in this situation? Was he going to get along with Go Yohan? His thought circuits, driven mad by the hope he had realized momentarily, made his nape feel chilly. Kang Jun, you crazy bastard. What on earth did you say? You’ve gone crazy over a guy.

You’ve clearly experienced how your life has been going because you liked a guy, right? Crazy, stupid bastard.

Kang Jun hurriedly opens his mouth to cover up his foolish mistake.

“Yeah, now that I think about it, I think I had a lot of misunderstandings about you too. Since I first met you and started getting to know you in sophomore year.”

He spat out the words like an excuse and racked his brain. What to do, how can he become a card that hasn’t been completely discarded and get through this terrible high school life smoothly. What should he say to avoid being hostile to Go Yohan, but also to maintain a state where he doesn’t get any closer? Now, fear rather than joy was pressing down on his head even more. Still, Kang Jun’s future was at stake with every single one of Go Yohan’s actions.

Go Yohan, who heard Kang Jun’s words, slowly closed and opened his eyes. He still had a face that was thinking about something. What is he thinking about so intently? Go Yohan’s heels slightly lifted and then lowered again.

Finally, Go Yohan’s mouth opened. And what he said was a slightly strange thing.

“…You, you really didn’t know me?”

Was he shocked that he wasn’t famous? He was a guy who seemed to have a disease where he felt bad if he didn’t get attention.

“I didn’t not know you at all. Of course, I’d heard a lot about Go Yohan of the West Wing. You were famous.”

A very condescending tone popped out. It was the work of the Kang Jun mask that was worn on the outside.

“But that was the end of it. I hadn’t exchanged a single word with you, and the buildings were different… So I just forgot about you. So when you first asked me to eat lunch together, I naturally thought you were talking to Han Jun-woo. That’s why I was surprised at first.”

“Then what about now?”

Go Yohan’s voice cut through Kang Jun’s words. It seemed that he wasn’t very interested in what Kang Jun was saying, and he wasn’t even paying attention at all. Click-clack. The sound of Go Yohan’s head turning. Go Yohan wears a sneering smile and taps his chest with his finger.

“…Do you think I hate you?”

“I don’t really know.”

After much deliberation, Kang Jun chose neutrality.

“It’s been a while since we fought.”

That’s not wrong. They didn’t eat together, didn’t hang out, and didn’t have any overlapping friends.

Saying he doesn’t know is the same as saying he can always take back his words until he knows. Kang Jun gave himself a second chance. If he said yes, he would really be crossing a river he couldn’t return from, and if he said no, he would immediately receive Go Yohan’s favor, but he would have to live a life of watching Go Yohan’s every move and being afraid.

Kang Jun smiled awkwardly and counted his fingers.

“Uh, so, when did we fight. Well, it’s been a long time, roughly?”

“Hey.”

“Yeah, we were both very upset with each other, but we already said we’d forget about what happened back then and forgive each other, so now we don’t have any feelings to bury…”

“Hey, Kang Jun.”

“Huh?”

The finger that had been revealing himself by tapping near his chest went back down to Go Yohan’s leg. Unusually long fingers intertwine to form a large fist. Blue blood vessels stood out under Go Yohan’s thin skin. Kang Jun tensed up and waited for the change. The pendulum swings. Down towards Kang Jun.

“…You did.”

“What?”

“I, back then, made up, let’s, made up…”

Go Yohan puts strength into his teeth and speaks. Long eyelashes fluttered down, and cold white eyes revealed their presence between the eyelashes and glared at Kang Jun.

Kang Jun’s body trembled a little at that fierce gaze. The pendulum heavily presses down on his bottom. Kang Jun felt his lower abdomen getting hot, but his head was soaked in fear. As expected, Go Yohan is no good. Someday, he’ll make Kang Jun suffer again as he pleases. Kang Jun’s reason turned on the warning lights. Kang Jun hid his chilling nape and slightly trembling voice and said.

“If we just get along like classmates who don’t fight and just say good morning, that’s…”

Go Yohan glares at Kang Jun with his fist clenched. Still. Kang Jun couldn’t stand that terrible gaze, so he shifted his eyes from Go Yohan to the white sheet. A long silence flowed like that. After a time that may have been several minutes, Go Yohan suddenly stood up.

“I’m leaving.”

Leaving behind such words.

Kang Jun hurriedly lowered the hand he had unknowingly raised.

“…Okay.”

Kang Jun didn’t stop Go Yohan. Go Yohan, who got up from his seat, hesitated a little as he looked at the door. Then, he left the hospital room with quick steps as if running away. He still didn’t look back.

After that, Go Yohan didn’t come to the hospital room.

Kang Jun’s body is weak but healthy. What this means is that even though he’s weak when he fights or uses his strength, the speed at which he heals is amazingly fast. It’s a truly strange body.

He took off the cast in less than three months. They said his bones had already completely healed. In fact, Kang Jun didn’t have any major inconvenience in moving his arm. The bruises and contusions on his body quickly regained their original color. His soles only had scars left, but there was no pain. It seems that Kang Jun’s body is weak in strength but good at recovery. There’s nothing in the world that only has bad things.

His parents were in an uproar. His Father, who had to stay overseas because of work, was furious throughout the call, and his Mother, who hurriedly took a plane and flew over as soon as she received the call, screamed when she saw his face and made a call somewhere. The content was obvious. It was a threat to open a school violence committee.

Kang Jun felt a little guilty towards his parents at that time. It was as if he had finally become an unfilial son.

Things were resolved smoothly. Kang Jun didn’t have to step up in anything. He just had to lie in bed, feeling the salty scent of the hot summer wind.

The conclusion of my loafing around was Hong Hwi-jun’s expulsion. Apparently, his behavior, which disrupted public morals and hindered the students’ academic atmosphere, had been noticed. In truth, Hong Hwi-jun caused fewer incidents than Kim Min-ho and was a quieter student.

Anyway, having wealthy parents has its perks. My mother, who had tenaciously secured victory, left for abroad again. She had cried in front of me but left for the airport without looking back as soon as her flight reservation time approached. I knew it was inevitable. It was the proper treatment for a son who lived up to expectations. I decided to be proud of that treatment. It was a loneliness I had to endure for the great benefit that would one day return to me.

Thus, there was no adult to protect me at home, and no friends to stand in solidarity with me at school. Yet, my heart was unusually at peace.

In any fight, the one who sways public opinion first always gains the upper hand. In that respect, I had the advantage. I returned, albeit late, while Hong Hwi-jun was expelled from school altogether. However, I am not a perfect victor either. Unfortunately, it was a disgrace.

“Mama’s boy” was the new nickname I had acquired this time. Of course, it was being used tacitly.

The only fortunate thing was that the atmosphere seemed to be shifting towards avoiding Kang Jun as much as possible. It was to the extent of avoiding something disgusting, but it was fortunate for me.

Indeed, who would want to be expelled in the second semester of their senior year of high school? The seniors at this school, especially those who lived in the opposite neighborhood, must have keenly felt the gap in class. They could soar and fly within the school, but once they went out into society, they would all be under Kang Jun. But the fact that the school kids realized that was strangely not very pleasant.

“Still, ‘Mama’s boy Kang Jun’ is a bit corny and embarrassing.”

In the midst of all this, I was making idle remarks. The reason that was possible might be because my greatest sorrow had disappeared.

As soon as I went to school, the one who greeted me most welcomingly was surprisingly Oh Yeon-jun. Although it was awkward, Park Ha-on and Im Yun-gi pretended to be worried as well.

“Kang Jun-ah, hello. Are you feeling a little better?”

It was truly like a line from a textbook.

And Go Yohan? Ironically, Go Yohan was lying face down on his desk. I didn’t know if he was asleep or deliberately pretending not to notice. I often knew Go Yohan’s intentions, and most of the time, I didn’t know what was on Go Yohan’s mind. Oh Yeon-jun, who had recently developed a habit of acting arrogantly, sat not in front of the sleeping Go Yohan, but in the seat in front of that, and in the next row over. He acted as if he had become one of Go Yohan’s group.

As soon as the awkward greetings with Park Ha-on and Im Yun-gi were over, Oh Yeon-jun got up like a prowling hyena and approached me. This was the most dynamic welcome I received today.

“Hey, Kang Jun. You’re something, huh?”

“Something?” That’s funny. Who dares to evaluate whom? I didn’t feel it was worth answering, so I just nodded. Oh Yeon-jun, not very satisfied with that reaction, asked another pointless question.

“After all, nothing beats having a lot of money at home.”

That was true. But for some reason, that remark felt unpleasant because of Oh Yeon-jun’s tone.

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why? Your parents completely cut off Hong Hwi-jun’s neck.”

Oh Yeon-jun put his hand like a knife near his neck and made a cutting gesture. He didn’t even notice my unpleasant mood and his voice was very cheerful. How annoying. I rummaged through the bag I had placed on the desk. Oh Yeon-jun, still disappointed with my indifferent reaction, lowered his head and even whispered.

“Originally, that guy was in the same group as that gay guy. You know how much he wanted to get attention, like attracts like. An attention seeker. An attention seeker.”

It was absurd and ridiculous how he acted as if he wasn’t like that. Originally, he was a guy I would have used as food for my hierarchy. I felt pathetic about my current situation, unable to catch a guy like him.

“I’m so glad you kicked him out. Honestly, if kids like that stay in school, the class atmosphere won’t be good.”

What a load of crap. I was enduring Oh Yeon-jun’s foolishness when I suddenly stopped the hand that was taking out my pencil case.

I suddenly realized something great. I stared blankly at the ceiling. Why am I just listening to him? I felt pathetic for being like a tamed dog, just enduring it. That’s why the hierarchy game is so fucked up. Even though it’s not originally my place, if I’m given a shitty position, I think I’m really a beggar.

…That’s right. That’s it. There’s no need to do that anymore.

Clearly, I had made a tacit promise with Go Yohan. To at least get along like classmates. If so, he wouldn’t at least try to push me down. He would have just stood by like before. A smile gradually spread across my face. But at the same time, I felt a queasy feeling. Soon, I forgot the queasy feeling. I’m not a fool, Kang Jun. Ignoring the voice that was going in one ear and out the other, I made eye contact with Oh Yeon-jun.

“Hey.”

“Yeah?”

“You…”

My lips turned up fully. I spoke with the brightest face I had. It wasn’t intentional. It was a joy that came from the heart. I chided Oh Yeon-jun in a light, joking tone.

“Stop gossiping.”

That’s right. I won against Hong Hwi-jun. Even if it was a tie, I’m the one who can stay in school and manipulate public opinion. Anyway, I’m the one who kicked out Hong Hwi-jun, so Oh Yeon-jun is nothing.

“Huh? What, what did you say? Gossiping?”

My eyes curved into crescent moons along with it.

“What’s wrong, Kang Jun? Why are you talking like that?”

“What do you mean, what’s wrong? It’s a bit uncomfortable to hear. It’s also low-class to gossip about the past.”

“What? Low-class?”

“No, that was too harsh. I’m sorry. I guess I was a bit sensitive.”

I finished speaking at once and continued to take out my pencil case. The break after the first period, which should have been noisy, was as quiet as a mouse. Well, I don’t care. I put the pencil case on the desk and looked at Oh Yeon-jun again. It was because I wanted him to leave now.

“You know it’s all a joke, right?”

“Hey!”

Oh Yeon-jun suddenly shouted. The screeching was so loud that I automatically frowned. The smile was gone now. I slightly covered my ears with my hand and narrowed my brow.

“Hey… why are you suddenly shouting?”

“Wow, Kang Jun, what’s suddenly wrong with you? Are you out of your mind?”

“Out of my mind? That’s a really unpleasant way to talk.”

“Don’t you remember what you just said to me? You were the one who spoke unpleasantly first!”

“What’s wrong all of a sudden?”

“Hey, you…”

Just as Oh Yeon-jun, who couldn’t even curse properly in this situation, was about to break his last resolve, an intruder came. The sound of a thick workbook hitting the wall resounded. It was math.

“What are you doing, sit down!”

Oh Yeon-jun instantly shut his mouth and looked at math with a wronged face.

“What are you doing? He told you to sit down.”

I gladly patted Oh Yeon-jun’s back and spoke kindly. Math, who had noticed the strange atmosphere filling the square space, was satisfied with my attitude. It was understandable. Teachers, in fact, just don’t want their classes disturbed and their workload increased. In his eyes, I, who was resolving the situation on my own, couldn’t help but look good. And originally, math had liked me a lot since some time ago.

As evidence of that, math never used me as a student to solve problems throughout the class.

After class ended, Oh Yeon-jun came to my seat again, but my response was clean. At least, that’s what I think.

“Yeon-jun-ah.”

To be honest, it was my true feelings. I think I had forgotten how to lie a little at this time.

“Doesn’t it seem really pathetic to come looking for me like this twice?”

And I guess I’m not destined to live life as simply as I thought.

“It makes you look like a loser to others. Don’t do that.”

As soon as I finished speaking, Oh Yeon-jun clenched his fist tightly and trembled, then pushed my desk hard. The pencil case that fell noisily under the desk spat out numerous pens. Thanks to that, my pens were scattered messily on the floor.

Annoyingly, Oh Yeon-jun didn’t pick up the pens in the end. He just muttered something and turned around.

I don’t know what he said. His voice was too small, and I didn’t think it was necessary to pay attention to it. He even opened the door forcefully, as if he wanted to show that he was very angry.

“…Ah. My ears.”

The classroom door, which hit the doorframe hard, shook noisily. That was Oh Yeon-jun’s mistake. Who would like that kind of behavior? It was bound to just annoy the classmates. Oh Yeon-jun wasn’t on Go Yohan’s level, and he wasn’t very scary. As soon as Oh Yeon-jun left, I finally lowered my head and picked up the pens.

“Ah, damn it, what is it? The door’s going to break.”

“…Why are they suddenly like that?”

Of course, the eyes of the children looking at me weren’t very good either. In the end, I was the one who caused the trouble, so I was responsible for this atmosphere. Those eyes looking down at me must be thinking this. That I and Oh Yeon-jun are the same. That I’m not on Go Yohan’s level, but I’m acting all pretentious.

Of course, that’s right. I’m not Go Yohan. I suddenly turned my head and looked at the back seat.

Go Yohan was tilting his head slightly, putting his hands in his pockets, and blinking. He was just looking at my seat. His eyes were the kind that you couldn’t understand what he was thinking.

And his slender eyes flashed for a moment, then he gave a subtle smile.

…What?

While I was flustered, Go Yohan, who had taken his hands out of his pockets, slowly clapped. Clap, clap, clap. The applause, which lingered with an afterglow, ended when Go Yohan put his hands back in his pockets.

“Wow.”

Go Yohan slowly shook his head. After exclaiming, Go Yohan said this to everyone.

“Honestly, this is Jun being nice.”

What is he talking about all of a sudden?

“You think so too, right?”

Go Yohan asked the guy sitting next to him. He was a guy with no presence. “Huh? Well, I don’t know.” Go Yohan twitched one eyebrow at that answer.

“Hey, why don’t you answer?”

“Huh?”

“You think so too, right?”

Go Yohan dragged out his words and opened his mouth wide. His eyes weren’t smiling. It was a threat to the guy who didn’t give the answer he wanted. The weak herbivore, caught in Go Yohan’s trap of coercion, lowered his head deeply. His eyes glanced slightly towards the school gate where Oh Yeon-jun had left.

“Y-yeah. I guess so.”

Go Yohan pointed at the guy who had just given the coerced answer and said this.

“See, I’m not the only one who thinks so!”

That smile was genuine. Go Yohan wrinkled his nose and now clapped his hands quickly. Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap. And he shook his fist and cheered. Only Go Yohan’s cheers echoed alone in the classroom.

Suddenly, Go Yohan is taking Kang Jun’s side? Everyone was flustered by that ambiguous change in atmosphere.

“…What.”

I couldn’t figure out what Go Yohan’s intentions were at all. Then I thought it was just Go Yohan’s fickleness. He might be setting a trap to torment me in some way.

Before something happens, the groundwork is laid for that thing. Sometimes, things that I didn’t think of, things that I didn’t forcibly cause, become that groundwork. I’m not an omniscient god, I’m just a high school student who’s a little smarter than others, so I don’t know what will happen in the future, and I don’t know the groundwork either.

“What, really… What is it.”

I even became a little timid. To be honest, I started to distrust my head. I can’t make a wise decision because I become a fool in front of the guy I like, damn it, it’s a little annoying to say it like this, but I definitely become a fool in front of the guy I like. I wondered if I had misunderstood because of Go Yohan’s ambiguous and relaxed attitude. I wondered if I had guessed what I wanted to think. Suddenly, fear washed over me.

Then lunchtime came.

Oh Yeon-jun, who had been acting crazy in front of me, approached Go Yohan when lunchtime came. But Go Yohan didn’t get up and head to the cafeteria as soon as the bell rang, as usual. It seemed that the two of them had really been eating lunch together, as Oh Yeon-jun approached Go Yohan first and asked if he wasn’t going to eat.

“What are you saying.”

The answer was only this much. At that moment, a cool thrill ran down my spine.

Unable to contain my elation, I glanced back and looked at Go Yohan and Oh Yeon-jun. Go Yohan was just staring intently at that damn rubber ball and fiddling with it. Throughout that trivial play, Oh Yeon-jun didn’t receive Go Yohan’s attention. Then Oh Yeon-jun and I made eye contact.

“……”

It’s definitely not something I intended. I didn’t even try to tease him. But Oh Yeon-jun looked at Go Yohan and me with a flustered face, and then, for some reason, his face turned red and he left the classroom.

Of course, unlike when he was angry with me, he threw a humble word.

“They’re having tteokbokki for lunch today.”

It couldn’t be more pathetic and miserable than this. Is that even something to say? I barely managed to hold back my embarrassing feelings. Go Yohan didn’t even answer that. Much later, he threw the rubber ball alone and muttered to himself as if everyone could hear him, which was even more ridiculous.

“What. So what if it’s tteokbokki?”

It was a tone that he genuinely didn’t understand. I couldn’t hold back my laughter at that remark and briefly lay down and shook. After clearing my throat and getting up after a while, I pretended to be a little tired because I was worried that someone might have heard me laughing.

As people left the classroom one by one, I swallowed hard. My palms were sweating. To be honest, I felt nervous. It’s not like I was thinking anything, it’s just that my situation was like that.

“……”

At that time, strangely, an image of Go Yohan and my legs intertwined came to my mind. I don’t even know why I had that image. That’s just how high school students’ heads are.

Damn it. Of all things, that image made my stomach tingle.

What was most maddening was when Go Yohan, who had been touching the rubber ball and watching from behind, got up and sat in front of me as soon as the classroom became deserted. I smell that soap again. Go Yohan, who sat in front of me, naturally opening a workbook, was quieter and more docile than I thought.

I pretended not to know Go Yohan and silently solved the workbook. There was a rustling sound.

“……”

“……”

We didn’t say anything.

Unable to bear the silence, I raised my head. And our eyes met.

“You’re really studying hard.”

Go Yohan was leaning against the desk and looking at me. I stiffened and smiled foolishly. Still, I think I smiled well in other people’s eyes. Because Go Yohan looked away first. My thighs trembled automatically at that reaction. Fortunately, there was no major change in my expression.

Go Yohan, who had looked away, gently stroked the corner of my desk with his finger. My nerves were focused only on that place.

“Jun-ah, where are you going to eat?”

What should I say here?

I lowered my head again and scratched the workbook. But all I could see was white paper and black letters. I meaninglessly put an X on number 3. Because it’s the most middle. I lowered my gaze and looked at number 5.

The speaker is feeling joy in the conversation with the person described in A.

The graphite slowly went down and circled number 5.

“Jun-ah, you heard everything, right.”

“…What?”

I answered, feeling my heart beating uncontrollably. Because it was impossible to pass without answering any more than this. And I slowly raised my head. I just raised it. I was briefly frozen by Go Yohan’s face, which was close to me.

“Tteokbokki.”

But old habits die hard. Without realizing it, I answered stiffly.

“T-tteokbokki?”

“Didn’t you hear?”

I didn’t answer. Actually, I heard everything, but I didn’t want to be caught hearing it, so I acted a little mean. I don’t want to be caught still caring about Go Yohan.

“……”

One of Go Yohan’s eyebrows twitches quietly. It’s a sign that he doesn’t like something. But he doesn’t pick a fight like last time. Something has definitely changed. At that reaction, I unknowingly got excited and brought out my strengths. It’s a habit. I’ve lived like this my whole life, so it’s hard to change. A slightly brazen and indifferent face rises on its own.

“What?”

At the same time, my body was frightened and stuck to the edge of the chair. I avoided Go Yohan, who was trying to get close to me. Go Yohan lowered his eyes as if thinking about something, then said just one word in a slightly gloomy and heavy voice.

“Hey.”

“Yeah?”

To be honest, I was a little scared. But isn’t pretending not to be my specialty?

“……Fuck.”

Go Yohan eventually ruffled his bangs wildly with his hands, cursing. Then he remained still for a long while. The pressure of the weight Go Yohan carried was heavier than I thought, and I sweated in my hands the whole time I watched him. I clenched and unclenched my fists for no reason. I was afraid of that weight, so I swallowed hard, but I acted brave. I pretended to be nonchalant, as if I wouldn’t die in this atmosphere.

Indeed, Go Yohan is troublesome. This is not the way to go.

“…….”

Fortunately, it seemed that I was the winner of the staring contest, at least for now. Go Yohan bit his lip slightly and declared defeat. Or, it seemed like he was about to declare it. That was until Go Yohan raised his head again and brought his face close.

“I said that for you to hear.”

Damn it……. I pulled my body back and blinked. It was an instinctive action to hide my bloodshot eyes.

“……What did you say?”

After taking a small breath, I just gripped the innocent chair tightly. And I added a question about what I was curious about.

“Tteokbokki……?”

My finger joints tingled. It was because the force I couldn’t control due to the sudden surge of excitement made my body stiff. Go Yohan looked at me like that, then answered in a strangely wet voice.

“That you’re nice.”

“Huh?”

“And then I asked what kind of tteokbokki next.”

Crazy, is this bastard crazy?

“That was all for you. You didn’t like that Oh Yeon-jun bastard, did you? That bastard must have been embarrassed, right?”

Go Yohan’s eyes sparkled as if he wanted to be praised. I coughed unconsciously. Why is my body suddenly acting like this again? Damn it. I wiped my innocent cheeks with my palms to hide my blushing face from embarrassment.

I turned on the emergency lights when I saw his slick attitude again. Indeed, Go Yohan is not the way to go. I hurriedly buried my head in the workbook. That rubber ball that you don’t know where it will bounce is dangerous. I desperately woke up my reason and opened my mouth.

“……What’s going on?”

“What do you mean, what’s going on?”

Go Yohan sticks his upper body to my desk and brings his face close. That pressure grabs my neck and forces it down. I put strength in my lips and closed my mouth tightly.

“You’ve been ignoring me all along, but now you’re being friendly again, like flipping your hand.”

Go Yohan is silent for a moment at my accusation. But I can’t see his face. Unfortunately, I was looking down. Fortunately, the silence didn’t last even 60 seconds. A slick voice crept in between the white piles of paper.

“Jun-ah.”

It’s a very affectionate and soft voice. I was so surprised that I stiffened because I had never seen Go Yohan make such a voice before.

“Don’t, please.”

I ended up saying it a little harshly because of his unidentified behavior.

“I don’t even understand why you’re talking to me like this now, so why do you keep playing these pranks…….”

“Ah, sorry, sorry. I’ll refrain.”

What do you mean refrain. I narrowed my brows and glared at Go Yohan.

Why did I have to glare at him then? Because of that, I ended up making eye contact with Go Yohan again. Shit. I was scared and reflexively lowered my eyes, but no, if I do this, I’m the one who loses. How long are you going to live like a dog like this? The thought flashed through my mind, and I hurriedly raised my eyes.

“Ah.”

Go Yohan, who watched the action, smiles with an expression he hasn’t shown in a long time. I remember exactly when Go Yohan makes this expression. It’s the expression he makes when he’s about to hurt someone. It was an expression of suffering because he couldn’t hold back his laughter even though he saw something absurd and shouldn’t laugh. Ahem. Go Yohan, who cleared his throat on purpose, organized his expression and grabbed his two hands tightly. It was like a Catholic believer repenting.

And he lowered his eyebrows and said this. It’s definitely intentional. Because he knows that he looks pitiful when he makes this face.

“You’ve been upset with me all this time, haven’t you?”

He’s doing this so I’ll fall for it, so I’ll fall for it.

“Right? I’m sorry. Really…….”

Go Yohan’s big hand reaches for my hand. His much larger hand covered the back of my finely trembling hand. I tried to avoid it, but I couldn’t.

“……Why are you doing this, today.”

To be honest, I was a little scared. I was afraid not of Go Yohan, but of the worry about what Go Yohan would cause. Whether it was affection or ranting because he didn’t like it, all of that.

“Jun-ah.”

There was laughter between Jun and ah. I definitely heard it. I don’t know if it’s a sarcastic laugh or a laugh that burst out reflexively because he’s nervous, but either way, Go Yohan must have noticed my trembling. No, he must have touched my hand on purpose to find out about me. He touched my hand, which I had been neglecting because my expression couldn’t be read.

“I’ve been thinking about it, and I think I made a lot of mistakes. I’m really, really, really sorry. I have a bit of an anger control disorder. Actually, I’ve never fought with a friend before, so that’s why. You’re my only friend, right?”

Anger control disorder, when did you ever have that? Another lie. Damn it. Or maybe the original purpose was the hand. He may have deliberately brought his face close so that I couldn’t pay attention to my hand. To devour my mind. Anyway, Go Yohan is a very cunning bastard in this respect.

“You know, right? I’m very unhappy…… and actually, I’m a weak kid.”

Showing me a crying face again is cunning in itself. A fake moisture settles on his gloomy face like dawn. The endlessly high tip of Go Yohan’s nose turns red. The area under his long eyes also turned a little red.

The thought that suddenly came to mind at this time was that Go Yohan looked better when he cried. I shook the hand held by Go Yohan. The overwhelming tension pressed my body with a tingling sensation.

I pretended not to be, and put strength in my hand. It’s already too late, but. I think it would be okay to be hit in the head with a baseball bat right now. I’d rather faint.

“…….”

“Jun-ah.”

Go Yohan, who must have felt my tension, didn’t laugh, but rather brought his face closer to my eyes, even more tearfully. No. He’s doing this to make me feel sorry for him. This bastard is pretending to be hurt and weak, acting.

“Hey, get away……!”

“What should I do? How should I apologize to you?”

My words were cut off and a brazen apology followed. The finger covering the back of my hand slowly stroked the protruding blood vessels on the back of my hand. Shit, shii-bal. I hurriedly pulled out the hand trapped under Go Yohan’s palm. No, I was going to pull it out. If that hand hadn’t been caught before it could escape, my hand would have been hidden under the desk.

Go Yohan’s hand held my hand tightly. So that it turned white.

His slender eyes turned to look down at my hand, which hadn’t escaped, and his own hand holding my hand. Moist moisture rose between his tangled long eyelashes.

“Before that, we decided to reconcile with each other, right?”

“…….”

“For now, right?”

Does Go Yohan know? That when moisture fills his gloomy features, it becomes a sticky, rainy season-like face. An invisible weight sticks to his whole body, damp and sticky.

Go Yohan changed his pattern again.

“Jun-ah, right?”

Go Yohan is like a game. Go Yohan would be the one to describe the boss of a game where the pattern is different in each phase and you have to remember the pattern by challenging it hundreds of times.

“……Yeah.”

Then how should I deal with this pattern? How can I survive? Even if I rack my brains, the answer doesn’t come out. Because Go Yohan never had an answer. For example, it’s irregular.

I looked at my hand being held still and fell into thought. What should I do to get through this phase? So what does Go Yohan want to do with me? Shit, I’m not going to be a psycho who chooses a stupid option like dating in this messed up situation.

I thought about it carefully, but it ended in failure. Why is Go Yohan doing this to me? I would understand emotionally if he ignored and harassed me like before. So what is Go Yohan thinking and approaching me kindly again? Even though he’s already angry with me.

“Yeah, for now, right.”

If you can’t decide on an answer, you can choose the best. The problem was that the best in this jungle-like place was unfortunately Go Yohan. I twisted my hand and pulled my hand out of Go Yohan’s hand. It caught once in Go Yohan’s grip, but when I frowned, Go Yohan spread his fingers. I quickly hid my hand under the desk and said.

“Lunch break will be over like this.”

It was like a soliloquy. But Go Yohan answered my soliloquy as if he had been waiting. He said it quickly so as not to miss it.

“Then will you go with me now?”

“……That.”

“Shall we go together?”

I finally hesitated and decided. Okay, Kang Jun. Let’s take the safe path for now.

“……Okay.”

At my answer, Go Yohan covered his mouth with both hands and smiled like a stupid child. His tearful eyes drew a pretty curve. After this absurd incident, Kang Jun returned to Go Yohan’s side again.

It was a splendid comeback.

Even if I make a comeback, nothing much has changed. However, the good thing was that I could confidently ask Go Yohan for the price of his sins.

“Hey, Go Yohan.”

“Yeah.”

“Among your friends…….”

“Yeah, among my friends.”

It was annoying to see Go Yohan sitting on a plastic chair in front of the cafeteria, stuffing his mouth full of ice cream and sucking on it as if to show off, but I stubbornly looked straight ahead and asked. Of course, I couldn’t bring myself to look at his face, so I only looked at his glabella. After all, the sight of a horny face licking a pink stick of ice cream with his tongue is not a good scene for a young high school student to see.

“Is there anyone who got new shoes recently?”

“Shiin-bal?”

Go Yohan said, leaning back on the back of the chair. Some third graders passing by glanced at Go Yohan and me. No, I think they did.

‘When did Go Yohan and Kang Jun get so close again? Did they reconcile?’

‘What are they doing, going back and forth? It makes people so nervous. Why is the school atmosphere like this?’

I think I heard conversations like this.

No, it must be a delusion. To be honest, my vision is focused on Go Yohan’s glabella, so what can I see accurately? There’s no way I can hear the voices of those guys far away. It’s all auditory hallucinations and hallucinations. I decided to fix my excessive self-consciousness while looking at Go Yohan.

Yes, everyone else in the blurry vision besides Go Yohan is not looking at me.

People are less interested in me than I thought. If you live in a delusion, all that’s left is embarrassment and hurt. I nodded, repeating to myself.

Still, seeing the guys in front of me talking to me again as if they’re close today, isn’t my thinking somewhat wrong? Then I shook my head. That’s obvious. The same class will be obvious. That Go Yohan and I reconciled. It’s a bit of a sudden reconciliation, though.

“What are you doing? Nodding and stirring your head alone.”

“Ah, there was a bug.”

“Eugh.”

Go Yohan frowned and waved his hand in the air. I don’t know if he’s really scared of bugs or if he’s pretending to be scared, but he went up on the chair in his indoor shoes and sat with his knees hugged. As a result, white dust marks in the shape of shoes were left all over the chair. He’s quite a thick-skinned and selfish guy. Even though it’s not his chair.

Then he took the ice cream he was eating out of his mouth and asked me again.

“By the way, why the shoes?”

“No, well……. Just.”

“That’s right. Where did your shoes go?”

“Huh?”

Go Yohan is changing the subject without answering my question. Judging from the pattern of Go Yohan that I’ve observed, this time he’s really asking because he’s sincerely curious. Maybe……, maybe that’s it.

“You always had shoes that you always wore. White shoes that smell like money. Why aren’t you wearing them these days?”

You stole them, so I can’t wear them. You bastard.

“Ah, that? I’m tired of them.”

“Tired of them?”

Red liquid drips from the ice cream in Go Yohan’s hand. The sticky, sweet-smelling liquid flowed through the peach-colored stick and between Go Yohan’s fingers. Go Yohan left his hands covered in red water as they were and frowned, continuing to speak.

“You liked those shoes a lot.”

“I didn’t like them that much. And well, you can like something and then dislike it.”

“Hey, you’re funny. Do you just throw everything away when you get tired of it?”

“What are you talking about? It’s natural to throw it away when you get tired of it.”

My gaze turned to the pink ice cream melting in the lukewarm temperature. Red water dripped down the blue blood vessels that protruded. I was just watching that, when the ice cream, which had been quietly shaking in the air, suddenly rushed towards my mouth.

“Want to eat it?”

“Are you crazy?”

Why would I eat this? I glared at Go Yohan with that look. Go Yohan, for his part, wasn’t surprised and blinked his eyes, speaking slowly.

“It’s delicious.”

“Delicious my ass…….”

“Jun-ah.”

I didn’t answer. I just glared at him. At that attitude, Go Yohan pouted and acted as if he was complaining.

“I’m really happy that we reconciled.”

This time, he puts his intact hand, which isn’t holding the ice cream, on his chest. He’s doing all sorts of things.

“We were each other’s only friends.”

“…….”

You? I shook my head because I couldn’t get rid of the absurd laughter, and Go Yohan, who suddenly hardened his face, started to rant while stirring the ice cream.

“Listen. When I was young. When I was this tall. There was a slogan at the entrance of the PC cafe I used to go to often that said, ‘Pay today, IOUs tomorrow.’ Do you know what that is?”

“Well, it means you can get an IOU tomorrow.”

“Listen carefully. In my young mind, I thought, ‘Then I should spend a lot of money today and play games like crazy, and tomorrow I’ll get an IOU and not pay.’ That’s what I thought. But when I actually went to play games the next day and came out, they told me to pay. So I asked. ‘You said I could get an IOU yesterday.’ Even if I asked like that, the answer I got was, ‘Then I’ll give you an IOU tomorrow. Today, it’s cash only.’ That’s how they answered.”

Go Yohan, who had been talking non-stop for a long time, took a deep breath.

“I realized when I grew up. That I had to pay no matter what.”

“…….”

“That tomorrow only exists in concept, not in reality.”

“That.”

I was about to refute, but I suddenly forgot what to say. I could have said what nonsense, but after listening, it was logically valid.

“……That makes sense.”

It’s a really amazing way of speaking no matter when I hear it. Go Yohan, seeing that I didn’t particularly refute, lightly closed one eye and made a playful face. He seems satisfied with my reaction.

“So actually, I’ve been thinking about it, and it seems like the fight we had was a waste of time.”

“A waste of time?”

“Look, there’s no such thing as tomorrow. So you have to think carefully about all the things you do today.”

“…….”

“I wasn’t very careful. I admit it.”

Go Yohan says slyly. Is what he just said really Go Yohan’s thoughts? Or is it a lie? Or is he perhaps saying reconciliation or apology in a roundabout way? Maybe it’s just nonsense? No, it’s definitely nonsense. Like always. Nonsense spewed out with a head full of strange schemes.

“…….”

Suddenly, my gaze turned to the ice cream. There was definitely nothing there, but before I knew it, flies were really swarming around Go Yohan’s ice cream. The sight of black flies swarming around the half-melted ice cream was disgusting.

“Go wash your hands or something.”

“Hands?”

Go Yohan turns his palm over and looks at it. As he did so, the ice cream he was holding plummeted to the ground. He doesn’t seem to care much. Go Yohan clenched and unclenched his hands, touching the sticky liquid on his hands. And he glanced at me and said this.

“……Want to go together?”

“Where…… Don’t tell me.”

“To the bathroom.”

“Are you crazy? Go alone if you’re going.”

“What, is it crazy to go to the bathroom together?”

Go Yohan acted as if nothing had really happened. I’m also feeling it clearly. The fact that he was a son of a bitch who screamed and dragged me to the ground just a few weeks ago was gradually being erased intentionally. Could it be, is this Go Yohan’s intention? Is he trying to just pretend that what he did to me never happened like this? In his own convenient way?

As I just stared at him, Go Yohan raised one eyebrow again and got up from his seat.

“Then do I have to wait here quietly until I come back?”

“……Okay, so please go wash up.”

“Okay.”

And Go Yohan nonchalantly made an okay sign with his fingers, which were covered in ice cream.

“You have to be there.”

“I know, I know.”

“If you ditch me, I’m really going to hate you.”

“…I said I know.”

“Then I’ll be back.”

Go Yohan made a clear sound, rolling his tongue in his mouth. If even these jokes aren’t taken as jokes anymore, is it a severe case?

Watching his receding figure, I slightly covered my throbbing head. When I face Go Yohan, I feel like all the energy in my body is being thrown into the trash. I’m more exhausted than during the physical fitness test when I ran around the playground. Because of that, I unknowingly leaned back on the weak plastic chair and let out a long sigh. It’s hard. I’m tired of myself for going this far. It was around the time I suddenly had that thought.

I made eye contact with Shin Jae-hyun, who was sitting across from me.

When did he get there? I didn’t even notice. In the blink of an eye, Shin Jae-hyun waved his hand. He seemed to be saying something with his mouth, so I frowned and focused. It seemed like he was saying something like this.

‘Hey, is it okay if I come over to get the key back from you now?’

Ah, I didn’t return the key to Shin Jae-hyun. My face naturally frowned at the realization. I wonder if the key is in my pocket. I absentmindedly put my hand in my pocket.